Avoiding...

I've been avoiding the blog. I don't want to write about the Israeli leaving. I don't want to write about the huge fight we had before he left (yes, ANOTHER one!), I don't want to write about how I had an extreme moment of insanity and locked myself in the bathroom (true story), and I don't want to write about how he told me that he loved me. After all of that.

And after all is said and done, he helped me move out of my apartment. I was mean to him. And he helped me more than any of my friends who have been my friends for years helped me. Moving out of my apartment was no small feat, and he did it without complaining, and tolerated my madness - for 11 hours, after fighting for many hours the night before. I am an awful person.

The fight - since it's really the only interesting part left of his stay here... here goes:

Thursday night was my dinner. I had about 12 friends there, and while I have a lot of friends who know each other, I had more there that knew no one. I felt like I was all over the place, trying to talk to everyone, and maybe I felt like since I spent so much time with the Israeli that week, it was ok if I didn't spend as much time talking to him during the dinner. I let him fend for himself, and he did just fine. He talked to my trainer, a guy I used to date and his new girlfriend, and one of my work friends for most of the night. Every time I looked over in his direction he was engaged in a conversation with someone, so I felt like he was holding his own. After dinner, a few of us went over to a bar for some drinks and a game of Scrabble. There were 5 of us, and not enough tile holders for 5 teams. I suggested 2 teams of 2, and one team of one. I volunteered to be on the team of one, which left the Israeli with my trainer, and my two home friends together. We're all pretty competitive, and I played as I would as if I were playing against any of my friends. I didn't treat him any differently, and I didn't think that was going to be a problem. When we got back to my apartment later that night, I could tell he was not acting like his normal self. I was uploading pictures from the night, and he went off into the other room to start packing. Once my pictures were up, I asked him if he was coming to bed. He said he'd be there in a little bit, and then came to bed after I was asleep. We slept on opposite sides of the bed. This was the first time his entire stay that this happened, and after such a good night on Wednesday night, it was kind of upsetting.

In the morning, he was still upset with me, and I asked him why. He denied that he was, and I had to go to the gym so we didn't have a lot of time to spend together. We had originally discussed meeting up around 3 in the afternoon, after he was done his errands. When he called at 3, I wasn't done packing and he still wanted to do some shopping, so he said he would call me later. During that time, I made plans to go to a concert with a friend, and assumed that the Israeli would want to come with. When he called later, he was angry that I had made plans, and said he didn't want to spend his last night in New York at a free concert at the South Street Seaport. This didn't make sense to me, because the Israeli loved music, our first date was to a free concert, I thought it would be a good way to end things. So, I went to the concert, and he called me around 10 to see what I was up to. I was just finishing dinner with the friends I went to the show with, and was in a very good mood on the phone with him. He took my good mood to indicate that I would be ok with him going out later than planned that night. He was wrong.

When I got back to my apartment it was around 11. By the time I was able to get a hold of him, it was nearly quarter after. I had a very classic New York moment, as I got into a fight with him on my cell phone outside of my apartment. Why I didn't go in, I'm not sure. I knew at that point that he wasn't going to be coming back any time soon, so it's not like I was waiting outside for him. Anyway, on the phone we really got into it. He was mad at me because I didn't want to go out, he was mad at me for going to the concert, he was mad at me because I wouldn't leave him the key to my apartment. I told him he could either come home soon (read: before midnight) or I could put his stuff outside and the homeless people could have it. He told me that he would come back at 7am the next morning to help me move, but he wanted to have fun on his last night in the city. This made me so angry because he already had a last night in the city, 3 months ago, and he used the same argument when we got into a fight that day (anyone see a pattern??). He then proceeded to tell me that I treat him like he's dumb (which is probably true), and I should see the looks I give him when he makes a mistake. So, we're arguing on the phone, while the Israeli is supposed to be hanging out with the new girl who took over his position and her sister. When I asked him why he'd rather spend time with someone he just met rather than me, he responded by saying that he wasn't going to get to see her for at least a year. I was flat out dumbfounded by this remark. He had just met her THAT day. Who cares when the next time he saw her was. He might not see me ever again at this point (is what I wanted to say to him...) and all he cares about is hanging out with some girl who he just met and her sister. So, while at first I was angry that he was being stubborn about coming home, when he said this I was enraged. Furious.

When he finally got back to my apartment, it was after 1, which means he didn't leave the Tea Lounge until after midnight, I had enough time to really fester up some serious fuel for my anger. I was steaming when I had to go down to let him in, and I didn't say anything at all to him, I just glared. I continued to ignore him when we got back into the apartment, and I don't know what I expected him to do, he was just as angry with me. He started to pack his stuff to leave. I didn't want him to leave, but I wasn't ready to talk about. So I did what every crazy girl would do. I went into the bathroom, and locked the door, knowing that I had his glasses in the bathroom with me, and he wouldn't leave without them. And I told him this from behind the locked bathroom door. He told me that since his glasses were worth $400, he would just take something from my apartment that was worth that much and leave. If I wanted my stuff back, I'd have to give him the glasses back. I don't know if he thought this would get me to come out of the bathroom, but it didn't. The only things worth anything in my apartment were either already packed, too big for him to realistically carry out of my apartment, or on my person (my own glasses). I could hear him looking through some things, I heard him turn on the tv, I heard him stomp and sigh around my apartment for however long I was locked in there. Finally, I heard him on the computer. Oh no. I was not going to be locked in the bathroom while he was online. So, I hid his glasses (yes, I was that crazy) and left the bathroom and unplugged the internet. So mature. Really.

We eventually got to talking, and we were able to talk about all the things that were bothering both of us. He felt like I treated him like he was unimportant when my friends were around, and that I treat him like he's dumb. I accepted both of those criticisms, because I do have the tendency to do both of those things. I apologized. He told me he loved me. It was in the middle of a conversation though, so I didn't have to respond. I didn't say it back. I did tell him that he once told me that he didn't believe in love, and had never told anyone that he loved them. He told me that he hopes it's not always this difficult.

After we spent all day Saturday moving me out of my apartment, and the Israeli was a HUGE help, it was time for me to take him to the airport. I'm not sure if the sadness was from leaving my apartment and leaving Brooklyn or the Israeli leaving, but I definitely cried... to the airport, at the airport, on my drive home. He wants me to come visit him in December. I've looked into it, but I haven't found any good flights. Visiting probably the holiest of lands during the holiday season, yeah... I'm probably not going to get a good flight.

So, the Israeli is gone. I really wish our last week had been different. If I hadn't been moving, I'm sure it would have been. I feel badly about how awful I was to him, especially because time after time, he was nothing short of amazing to me.