A new design for the blog, both content and style.
I've been toying with the idea of abandoning the blog for a few weeks now. Things with the Gentleman are going well, I'm happier than I've been in a long time, and I don't think I have anything all that worthwhile to write about anymore. However, part of who I am inherently is a writer, I've always expressed myself best through writing, and I get a great satisfaction out of the written word. I've missed blogging (though I don't miss the bad dates that I would blog about) and always come back to it, even when I'm in a relationship. So instead of quitting, I'm just going to alter the content of the blog until I can figure out where this thing with the Gentleman is going.
I will tell you all though, the cutest story of how he asked me to be his girlfriend, officially. Now, I'll be honest, I've been referring to him as my boyfriend for at least 4 weeks prior to this conversation. I guess in my mind, when you're dating only one person, seeing them multiple times a week, communicating every single day, that person is in fact, your boyfriend - whether the DTR has happened or not. This past weekend, I had a dinner party of Friday at my house. I had my best friend and her husband over, along with my brother and his girlfriend. The Gentleman came over early, helped me in the kitchen (really just kept me company as I cooked), and just fit in seamlessly with my friends and family. He had met my friend and her husband before, but this was a more structured setting than hanging out in a the parking lot after getting some water ice! It was a fairly early evening, which I was grateful for, because I wanted to assure myself some alone time with the Gentleman before he left (we still have not done any overnights). After everyone went home, he graciously offered to help me with my dishes (which were a daunting task - took 2 days to get them done!) but I didn't want to spend precious time with him cleaning up. The dishes would be there tomorrow. As we're on the couch, making out, he stops and looks at me, and asks me if he can talk to me about something. He looked so serious, and sat up, pulling himself away from me. I got nervous because serious talks that need to be had sitting up are usually not the best sign. He starts off by mentioning the fact that we've been dating for 2 months now, how he enjoys spending time with me, and how he'd really like to see where this goes... so would I like to be his girlfriend? So. freaking. adorable. I responded that I thought I already was his girlfriend, and told him that I had been referring to him as my boyfriend for some time now, but of course I said yes.
I'm not going to lie. I like the title. I like knowing that he's my boyfriend. It settles my mind a bit that I know sort of where this thing is going. I feel a bit more relaxed and lot more confident in our relationship. Not that I ever really had great doubts about it, but while I am certain that he knows how I feel about him, he's a bit harder for me to read. It also ups the intimacy level a bit. Saturday we spent the day together - which we never get to do because he usually works during the day Saturday (except he just got a new job and will have a regular work schedule now, I'm so psyched!) but this past weekend he called out sick. We spent a really wonderful day together, and he came back over Sunday night after work. 3 days in a row is a new record. and I could get used to that. Sunday night I decided to up the ante a bit, and let him in on some things about me he didn't know. It was a risk, for sure, and I had no idea how he might respond. By far Sunday night was a sad night, not for anything bad, but we just talked a lot, the mood was much different than in night's past. He gave me the sweetest kiss goodbye, but my mind was already racing with the what-ifs. By the end of the day Monday, I had convinced myself that he wasn't going to want to date me anymore, and I started putting up my guard, downplaying the whole thing to other people.
If anything through this whole relationship I've learned is that I can't let a single crazy thought fester in my mind. It spirals out of control and before I know it, I'm creating self-fulfilling prophecies and the relationship is over. So, I decided to chill. He asked if I wanted to hang out on Tuesday, so we did. Last night was the same as it's always been, the connection was still there, the relationship is still growing. I was making mountains out of molehills, but thankfully this time I had enough sense to stop it, and take it as it comes.
So where do we go from here? One day at a time with the Gentleman is how I like it. I also like when he talks about doing things together in the near future, and sometimes in the distant future. It's enough to let me know that he has no eminent plans on breaking things off, but we're not naming our unborn children either. It's a healthy, steady pace. I remember the days of rushing things and jumping in head first, eyes closed, heart exposed. Those days were riddled with relationship angst. Worry. Wondering about my decisions and other people's actions. Not that this whole thing has been without the worry and wonder, but it's usually very minimal, and so far, 100% in my own head.
What will I blog about now that I'm "in a relationship" (although we didn't make it FB official - it still counts! His actually still says single... not that I stress about that!) There are plenty of ideas bouncing around my head that I can assure you it won't be long until you hear from me again.
