All but gone...

The summer is just about all but gone, and the memories of my dates are fading fast. Most of them it takes me a few minutes just to even remember their names. I can recall some details, and some guys are lost completely. There are 2 of my dates who keep blogs that I have found and check on occasion. One was the one who blogged about our date, as I did, and there's not too much going on in his blog. The other blogger I found was the guy who I knew WAY too much about before the date. So, occasionally, I'll pop on over to his blog, see if anything interesting is going on. I noticed though that his profile was down. Not the blog itself, the blog is still accessible - but his name (which wasn't his real name, but the handle he used for his email...). So, anyway, because my curiosity was peaked, I did the same google search that allowed me to find his blog in the first place. Hmm. Interesting. Gone. I can't find his blog by using the same search I used just a month ago.

This leads me to wonder if he found MY blog (remember: I did the same google search using my email handle, and the blog does in fact come up...) saw that I was able to find his blog and thus removed that from being searched. Wow. And to think my little blog may have impacted the blog of another. I feel honored. almost.

There are some dates in the works. Maybe there'll be some new material soon...

You're Mean

I was waiting for the train on the way home from school yesterday afternoon, and I was really immersed in my current train-read. All of the sudden, I feel someone grab at my book and try to pull it. Someone wants to mug me and they are taking my book? Clearly my bag would have been a much better grab. So I look up and it's the Subway Stalker. Ahhh.. great. Now he's trying to rob me of my only train pleasure. I look at him, and I'm not sure what to say to him, he looks back at me, and says, "you're mean." I continued to stare at him, again not really sure what is about to unfold, I simply responded, "No, I'm not." and looked back to my book. He repeats it again, "You're mean mean mean. You are mean." I give him a quizzical look, and he says to me that he has to go. I went back to reading my book. And, so I've concluded, he's not much of a stalker so much as a guy who was, at one point in time, really obsessed. And now he's just another guy scorned.

Speaking of scorn... there's not much new with the 3 inch guy that I really like... except that I still really like him. We exchange emails just about every day, but there haven't been any more marathon conversations or talk about a next date, except that it will be "sometime." I don't know how long I should wait this out. I wish I just knew what was going on in his mind, and I could make my decision based on that, and if it was worth waiting for.

Out of My Mind.

So I like a boy. And I'm not sure how to deal with it... a few weeks pass between our dates... or I don't hear from him when I think that I should. I know he's busy, and our schedules conflict. But I feel like when I'm with him, he's thinking a lot about me and liking a lot about me, but as soon as I'm out of sight... it's completely gone from his mind. Its strange, and confusing. I haven't actually really liked a guy in a long time, and not knowing how he feels about it is clearly driving me mad.

I wish there were a way that I could find to clear him from my mind. I try focusing on work, grad school... but it creeps up on me like a virus and before I know it I'm infected with thought of him... I want to not like him. It's so much easier not to like a guy. I want him out of my mind. at least until I know for sure.

Oh, right... so about the date...

We went out last night. We met at Central Park, it was a gorgeous night. It really really doesn't get any nicer than last night. We started walking, really without any destination in mind. He wanted to see the boathouse where people play with remote control boats or something... We didn't end up finding it. We did however manage to see some of the beautiful parts of the park. I haven't explored much of Central Park, and it was really enjoyable. We wandered around, and came to a split in the road. He asked me if I wanted to go left or right... I chose left. He crossed around in front of me, as if to go to the right, and then just kissed me, in the middle of the park. I liked it. I had been nervous because we kissed at the end of the last date.. but I didn't really know what to expect from this one... as a second date. So, we continued walking, and talking, and exploring. It was a really nice time. It started to get dark, so we (rather he) decided we should leave the park, because it's not safe after dark. We sat on a park bench by the west side entrance to the park for a while, and kissed, and talked some more. After maybe an hour or so, we decided it was really time to leave the park, so we walked down to Columbus (all the while holding hands and whatnot), and ate a nice Italian restaurant (actually the same place the fish kisser took me to...). Dinner went well, I don't remember what we talked about... but it must have been good, I would have definitely remembered if it was bad. We had to take the same subway downtown, partly, until he had to transfer at 42nd. So, we were waiting for the subway, and I had my back turned to him for some reason, I think I was looking at a movie poster on the wall, and he put his arms around me while we waited. We rode the train for part of the way home, and kissed goodnight, and that was it. It was a great date.

So what's the problem? Besides the fact that I don't like to get excited about a guy, because it only ends up in disappointment... we don't really have the opportunity to see each other very often. I work during the day, he works nights... so the weeknights are out. Our first date was in August, 2nd in September, and now it's looking like if there is a 3rd, it won't be until October since I'm going home the next 2 weekends for the holidays. Talk about taking things slow.

On a good note, I don't mind that he's shorter than me. It didn't bother me at all last night. And just to clarify. He's not 3 inches shorter, just about an inch or less. I just wished he were 3 inches taller so I could wear heels...

The Return

Well. It was bound to happen, I guess. I was fooling myself if I really thought I would go all year without seeing the Subway Stalker. So, this morning he ended up on the same train, same car, same entrance to where I was sitting. What are the odds? I was (thankfully) sitting with one of my co-teachers, and talking to her. He walked into the car, and I noticed someone standing near to me, so I looked up, and made eye contact with the subway stalker. I think for a second I was like literally in shock, kind of made a face. He sat down next to me. All I could think of was, I hope this guy doesn't talk to me.. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. So thankfully, I was able to turn right back to my co-teacher and actually ignored the fact that he was sitting directly next to me. He very quickly after that got up and changed seats. Well that was easy! I felt very relieved... but I have a feeling run-ins like this are going to happen all year, and there is not always someone else there for me to talk to... Maybe on those days I'll ride different cars.

Other updates: There is not much new in this area. It's been a SLOW few weeks dating wise, which is fine with me, as I am really consumed with beginning of the year school stuff. A day or so after the date with the 3" guy, I texted him, just to say Hi and thank him for the date. He called me back right after he got the text, and we talked for about half an hour. Shorter than the marathon conversations we had before, but I felt like the conversation was still good. And then he said something weird. He says... "I don't want you to think that I don't want to hang out again, because I do... but I'm really busy for the entire month of September." Um. Ok. I didn't know what to make of that comment. I am also really busy for the entire month, between the beginning of the school year, going home almost every weekend, and the other weekend being spent in birthday celebration, but honestly... I'm sure I could spare some time, or make time. I don't know. It felt sincere, but at the same time, it was a weird thing to say. We've emailed a few times back and forth, but I'm not getting a very "interested" vibe from him. So that's that. The rest are gone, and I can't update anything much about them, since I haven't talked to most.