Thursday, August 20, 2009

No One's Girlfriend.

Today may have been the longest 5th date in the world. Well, probably not, but it did span 12 hours entirely. From noon til midnight, I was in the company of PJ (new name for the bad kisser - it seems unfair to keep calling him that), and it was quite a monumental day. It started off with him coming to school with me, with every intention of him helping me set up my classroom. I'm freaking out a bit about this, because I'm leaving for Hawaii on Friday, and I have done NOTHING in my classroom. I came in today, with PJ, and the floors in my room had just been done, not dry yet, and I couldn't move anything in! I could have done my bulletin boards, but that I don't really need help with, and would have been quite boring for him. So I just paraded him around the school, where he got to meet a bunch of my friends. He wasn't overly social, but he held his own alright around a group of girls who were doing a lot of squealing and giggling about dates (theirs, not mine - obviously!). Once we left, he asked me if this was just a clever rouse to get him to meet my friends. It wasn't, he was the one who took off of work today to hang out with me, and I needed to set up my classroom... It wasn't my fault that I couldn't get in there!

After 2 hours at school, we left and headed back to my place with the intentions of taking a nap before going to a movie tonight. Well, that never happened. We had a much needed talk, and a sort of DTR (for those of you who are new, DTR = "define the relationship" talk). So the much needed talk had to do with something I needed to tell him, which went over just fine. I had spent many days/hours practicing how I was going to say it, and it turned out, I ended up saying it in the most ridiculous way ever... but all turned out ok in the end, and things are just fine, for now. I told him that I didn't think I was ready for a serious relationship just yet, having just ended mine a few months ago. I just don't feel ready to be someone's "girlfriend" again just yet, and he seems to be ok with that. I did tell him that I'm not currently dating anyone else, just not looking to be so serious so fast. We never made it to the movie, spending most of the day in bed, napping/talking/...., we then took a walk and went to dinner. I also forced him to watch "He's Just Not That Into You" to prove my point about why I wouldn't have ever called him during that 4 day lapse when he didn't call/text me (yes, I know it's a movie, but it makes a very valid point... if a guy is interested in seeing you, he'll get in touch.) This came up today because one of my friends at school just started dating someone, and he made a point to say that he's not going to play the games, and if he wants to call her the next day, he will. He's not going to wait X amount of days to call, etc. I gave PJ a very pointed look during this story, which led to our discussions at dinner, and thus the movie.

I'm really glad that we have the week and a half that I'm away to put some space/time between this. Everything does seem to be moving at warp speed here, and I can't figure out how to slow it down. He's a great guy, I've enjoyed every single date we've had so far (with the exception of the kissing on date 2), but let's be honest, it's summer. I have all the time in the world, very little stress. Dating in the summer is EASY. Way easy. Dating someone who lives 45 minutes away (with no traffic!), while I'm working 3 jobs, and trying to balance everything else in my life, might not be as fun. I'm willing to continue to see where it goes, and if it works out, great. If it doesn't, I'm still hopeful for the best, wherever it may be.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Fast and Furious

Please forgive me for any grievous spelling/grammatical errors in this post... I'm going on virtually zero sleep from last night, but I wanted to get this up before I left!

Last night was the 4th date with the BK, who I guess we can rename to the Improving Kisser, as last night he continued to make significant improvements in this area. We went to dinner in Manayunk, since I was dropping my dog off at my brother's house for the weekend and it's on the way home from work for him. We decided to go for Thai food, and anyone who has read my earlier posts from Brooklyn, knows that I am serious about my Thai food. I had been to this restaurant before with my brother and his girlfriend, and I remember it being crowded and loud, not all that different from my favorite Thai place in Brooklyn, only about 3x more expensive! It's also BYO, so I offered to supply the beer, knowing that he would be paying for the meal. Because I'm a poor planner, I didn't go pick up the beer in time, make it home in time to pack up my dog, and get on the road in a reasonable amount of time to drop off my dog and make it to dinner, and thus I was half an hour late. I felt really bad, but he was understanding, and very patient about waiting. It probably didn't hurt that he thought I looked "hot" last night (his words, NOT mine... I was hoping more for, "you look nice" or "you look really pretty," but hot... hmm. I'll take what I can get for right now... but true to myself, I told him that I would rather him tell me I look nice, not hot.)

Over dinner, which was delicious, we sampled the beers I brought, talked, and time passed quickly. Next thing I knew we were walking back to our cars, and making out in the parking lot. It was a definite improvement from last time, and I can really tell he was trying. Since I had dropped my dog off at my brother's, I had no obligation to get home at any hour. So when he suggested heading back to his place... well, why not? Of course we came in our own cars, so we had to drive separately back to his place. I hadn't been there since the night the bad kissing began, and I didn't have such fond memories of it! I almost decided halfway there that it wasn't a good idea and I should just turn around and go home. I have a 5 hour drive ahead of me today, and still hadn't packed yet for the weekend, it was probably in my best interest to go home. But do I ever do anything in my best interest?? Not at all. I ended up back at his place, and ended up staying far longer than anticipated. He reminded me that he was supposed to have a test on his abilities, and asked me if he was passing my standards. Yikes. I felt a little bad about how strongly I must have laid it on last week, but I don't think there's anyway that he would have improved. I asked him at one point to show me how he would kiss me if I didn't have any of my own expectations, and yeah, it was as bad as I remembered it. And I told him that! I think I asked him too if anyone else had ever said anything, and he said that no one else had ever complained, so.... maybe it's me? I doubt it.

We went into some of our dating past, and I'm fairly confident that I have a lot more experience than he does. I mean, I dated for a living practically when I lived in the city, and he seems to date one girl at a time, getting serious way too quickly. I'm not all about being fast and furious with the relationship status, but I have a feeling he's moving strongly in that direction. Some of the comments he made definitely make me think he's in this for the long haul, and that scares me. I feel like I JUST got out a committed relationship, and yeah, I've been single for 4 months, but not REALLY. Mr. Perfect and I just stopped seeing each other and hanging out (infer what you will....) a little over a month ago. So yes, while we broke up in March, we didn't really end things for good until after the 4th of July weekend. So, I'm a little nervous about getting serious with someone so quickly. It's good that I have a busy rest of August. Anyway, it got really late, and he has a presentation to do all day at work today, so I kept suggesting that maybe it was better if we called it a night... but we never did. I ended up staying there, and we slept for about an hour, but nothing substantial. It was really nice, but at the same time really weird. I have to adjust to new sleeping patterns/habits after a year and a half of being comfortable with another's. I know it's all part of dating, being in a relationship, etc, but part of me feels like it's a little too soon. I was good on all fronts, slept with my clothes on even after he offered me a t-shirt. There's something looming over my head, that I know I need to talk to him about, and I'm avoiding it. This is probably my biggest reservation with making progress in the relationship, and the longer I put it off, the worse I'm sure it will be... Also, I just got a 3rd job, which will take up my entire weekend, every other weekend. I'm betting this will be a roadblock. Although, he's now telling me he's going to skip going down the shore with his buddies on Labor Day to spend the weekend with me, which is sweet, yes, but I don't want him giving things up to be with me, because I have no intention of reciprocating that. I think we may need to test the brakes on this one.

I reminded him to text me to make sure I got home ok, which actually defeats the purpose! Oh well. I'm sure he would have, but I didn't want him to risk a fatal mistake at this stage of the game. As for me, I'm going to take an hour power nap, then I'm off for a weekend of driving through New England and back!

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Kiss Me Like You Mean It

Last night was the third date with the bad kisser, and as you know, I wasn't going into that with very high hopes or expectations, which is against my current mantra. However, he had done very little to reassure me that he was even worth dating over the past week. Just a refresher of BK's prior indiscretions: 1) He was a bad kisser. 2) He didn't text me to see if I got home ok when I left his place after 2 am last Friday. 3) He didn't text me ALL week until Wednesday. So, I wasn't exactly sure what to expect from this, and coupled with the fact that he had taken down his Match profile, I felt like I was receiving pretty mixed signals. We had agreed that he would come out here and we'd go to the Iron Hill Brewery. He came to my house, met my dog (not an easy thing!), and we headed out for dinner. Again, we fell into easy conversation, lots of laughter, and I really really like hanging out with him. I was really scared what might happen if he kissed me again, so I tried to avoid it. After dinner, it was so nice out, so we drove out to get some ice cream at Sundaes, and just sat outside and talked for a while. Once it started to rain, we drove back to my house. All of this was successful, and there was NO kissing. I knew once we got back to my house that would be much harder to avoid. Last time, we had wanted to watch Spaceballs instead of Airplane!, but he couldn't find his copy, so we watched it at my house. It created good comfortable banter - we both were quoting it over each other - and laughing at the silliness of Mel Brooks, and still NO kissing! In my mind, I thought maybe it wouldn't happen. I was clearly kidding myself. After the movie, it was still relatively early, and we decided to find something else to watch, and settled on Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Apparently I'm on an 80s/early 90s movie kick... but at least I found someone who enjoys watching them with me! Unfortunately before the movie started, I was caught off guard. He was coming back to the couch and swooped in and kissed me before I could even prep myself for what was to come! But this time, I was pleasantly surprised. There was just enough pressure, no teeth, not a lot of tongue... Oh my, could he have improved his kissing technique since last week?? As the movie continued, we made out a bit here and there, and he definitely reverted back to the old way of kissing, but I was not discouraged. At least I know the potential for good kissing is there - and who doesn't like a challenge?? I was also able to better place my finger on what the problem was/is with his style. You can fix a problem before you identify it!

After the movie, we continued making out, and I was able to apply some of my teaching skills to teaching him how to kiss better! So, he was kissing me and running his hands lightly over my arms and side. I'm VERY ticklish, so I used this to my advantage to create a teachable moment. I told him that I'm super ticklish, and to avoid me getting very jumping and spastic when he touches me, he needs a firmer touch, and the more pressure the better - with touching AND kissing. This is the first problem. He's a very soft kisser, which is ok, once in a while, but it does not constitute good making out kissing. This was the problem last week with the teeth. He wasn't applying enough pressure and if I pressed my lips harder his teeth ended up pressing up against my lips. So, we're working on the pressure. The second problem was that every time I tried to pull back a little from the kiss he would jut his face forward and it was too much coming at me all the time. So, when he did it one time too many, I just pulled back a bit and said, "Why don't you let me come to you." And for the most part, the jutting problem was solved. Now, the final problem of his jaw... when he would kiss me, he would move his jaw around a little too much. So, I made a joke about it. I asked if he was planning on unhinging his jaw and trying to swallow me whole. So, then every time his jaw would "unhinge" a bit too much, I'd just laugh or he would, but he got the picture. For as long as we were there making out (over 4 hours), there was not much more than kissing going on. No clothing came off, it was VERY PG. It sounds a lot like there was a kissing class going on - but here's my way of thinking... If he didn't improve his kissing, I wasn't going to date him again anyway, so what did it hurt to offer some suggestions? And, I kind of said that to him... Maybe not so harshly, but I did tell him that I'm very picky about the way I like to be kissed, and he was really receptive to it. He said he wanted to make sure I was happy, which is a good response. One time he was kissing me a little too limply, and I just pulled back and said, "Could you please kiss me like you mean it?" I think he was a little surprised, but it worked!

I also was not going to let the lack of communication from last time go either. This is all part of my new dating persona. If something bothers me, I'm bringing it up. There's no use in tip-toeing around it. So, after we had been making out for a while, and were taking a break, I brought it up, very casually. I just asked why he waited 4 days before contacting me after our last date. He kind of stammered around it, and said he didn't realize how many days it was, and that he knew I was busy with my family being here. And I replied, yeah, but a text takes like 2 seconds to send. And I also told him that I was disappointed that he didn't even text me to see if I got home ok when I drove home from his house late at night. He admitted that he should have texted me, and that he meant to, but he got a really bad migraine and it slipped his mind. Ok, fine. Every deserves a second chance, and I told him, I want a guy who's going to check in on me, and make sure I get home ok late at night, and keep in touch throughout the week. And if he didn't think he could do that, I could find someone who would. I said that. I was balls-out last night with the honesty. And it was well received, maybe I should try it more often.

As we continued his kissing education, as a good teacher should, I gave him an assessment, were my objectives met? Is he progressing? He passed the quiz with flying colors, but he knows he has to retain the information for next time. And there probably will be a next time, but not for a few weeks. I'm going to Boston-Vermont-Saratoga next week Thursday-Monday, and no time for more dates. Then I'm home for 3 days and the following Friday I leave for Hawaii... so I'm not sure if I'll see him again before September! He's going to try to set something up for a week night, but he travels a lot for work, so he can't always make it during the week. I'm afraid with so many weeks in between he'll lose some of the knowledge. As he was leaving at 4am, I made sure he knew to text me when he got home and made him kiss me like he was going to miss me for the next few weeks. He did, both.

**After 3 years of the black background, white text; some of my faithful readers are getting a little OLD and their eyes aren't what they used to be and have complained about the text. I changed the format, just for you Debbie. You better appreciate it.**

Friday, August 07, 2009

3 dates.

Saturday will be my 3rd, possibly final, date with the bad kisser. I hadn't anticipated a 3rd date with him after the events of this past week, but of course, nothing ever turns out the way I anticipate it. Last weekend, after I posted the blog about the bad kisser, I discussed the issue with many friends. It was split - some people believe that bad kissing is a deal breaker, and others think that if the chemistry is good otherwise - then it's something that can be worked on. I am still undecided... I needed just one more date to tell. After our first date, Bad Kisser texted me the very next morning, telling me what a nice time he had, etc. We texted and talked on the phone almost every day between our first date and our second, so imagine my surprise when I didn't hear from him the entire next day after our second date. Not only was I upset that he didn't check in to make sure I got home alright, but no word from him whatsoever. I was NOT happy. So, I was SURE I would hear from Sunday. Well Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday came and went with no word from the Bad Kisser. I logged into match to see if he had been active, and sure enough he was active within 24 hours (this story is starting to remind me of the end of the relationship with T). Needless to say I was confused. Did he think I was a bad kisser? Am I so out of practice that I was misreading his "interested" signals?? Well, unless he's a flat out liar... saying "I want to have a 3rd date..." is usually a key sign that you're interested. I logged in later on Tuesday to rework my profile, and I noticed that the number of people who had me on their "favorite" list had dropped by one. I checked, and sure enough the Bad Kisser had un-favorited me. I was PISSED. At this point, I almost wanted to do something crazy, but this hopeful dating train I'm on doesn't have any room for crazy. So, I did the next rational thing, I checked the emails that he sent me through match, but noticed that I couldn't click on his profile. So, he had taken down his match.com profile entirely. This struck me as odd for a few reasons, the first and foremost being that you usually only take down your profile completely when you're dating someone exclusively and don't want people to contact you. That or you are getting an overwhelming number of responses and just can't be bothered... Somehow I doubt that is the case with his. Others mentioned that maybe his subscription had expired, and I'm fairly certain it did, but you can still leave your profile up even if you're not paying. I'm not sure it qualifies as a reason to remove your profile. But regardless, I hadn't heard from him in 4 days since our last date, he took down his profile, case closed. I was DONE.

So, I'm telling my friends this on the way down the shore last night, when I check my phone, and who of all people had sent me a text? The Bad Kisser. Of course. It wasn't even a message that said anything like, Sorry I wasn't in touch for the past 4 days, a piranha ate my phone and i had no way of contacting you.. or something good like that. No. It was a very short, "How was the rest of your weekend/Dad's birthday? My week's been busy" text. And I'm supposed to do what with that? So I sent a very casual text back (not before scrutinizing over it with 5 of my friends), "My week was fine, I'm in wildwood right now." or something along those lines, basically... I'm great, having fun, you're not included type text. So he texts me back about how much work he's had to do, how busy he's been (STILL not apologizing for not texting prior), and that he hasn't read any more of Atlas Shrugged. At this point, I had 4 too many drinks, was not making much sense, and texting seemed like a good idea... no worries, I just mentioned that I hadn't read the book at all, and I was drinking way too much at the moment. He didn't text back. And I didn't hear from him ALL day. So, again, instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt, I assume he was put off by the one drunk text - that was not even initiated by me... and write him off once again. Until, he called me at about 9:30 tonight. He chatted with me like there wasn't an entire week's span between the last time we talked at all. I wasn't sure how to proceed, and I was not going to suggest doing something with him, if he wants to see me, he'll ask me out. And eventually, he did get around to that. So Saturday night, we're going to Iron Hill Brewery (Yes, that's 3 breweries in 3 weeks and 3 dates for me.) I wish I could be as hopeful about this date as I was for the other 2, but he's got some serious strikes against him. It could be 3 dates and he's out.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Surely, You Can't Be Serious...

I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. :)

So, the end of last night's date included watching Airplane! (for those of you who didn't catch the reference above...), but more on that later.

Last night I had my second date with the guy from last weekend (the 6-hour date guy), and we had been talking/texting all week long. Things have been moving along smoothly, and we both seemed to be enjoying the natural progression of the relationship. We had planned to meet up at his place around 5, drive down to Downingtown, and go to the Victory Brewery for drinks and dinner. He lives about 45 minutes away, without traffic, and on a Friday at rush hour - it was no easy feat getting there. And the weather decided to monsoon as soon as I was ready to leave... no joke, flooded roads, trees knocked over... It just added insult to injury. I ended up getting to his place around 6, which turned out to be alright because he had been stuck in a lot of traffic getting home from work as well, so earlier would not have been better.

We drove out in his car to the brewery, and things were going along smoothly. I was trying to explain something, I don't remember what... It was my idea or opinion on something (because I have so few of those!!), and he said something like, "I'm picking up what you're putting down." Um, ok? I was a little confused because it wasn't really the smoothest delivery of that line, but I could tell he was trying to use it that way. It made me laugh and while we were driving I thought to myself, THAT is going to be the title of the blog. It's never a good sign when you're thinking about the blog while on the date...

And so it goes, the date continued on once we arrived at the brewery. I bought the first round of drinks. I had lost the bet as to who could read the most of Atlas Shrugged before the date, so drinks were on me (thankfully not dinner too!). We're standing near the bar, waiting for our table, when he says to me, "Do you see that guy over there with the red shorts on?" And it's a good thing I didn't respond with something like, "Um, yeah, fashion faux-pas!" Because he then follows it up with, "That's my brother, and his wife." Oh. Great. Nothing like meeting the fam on the SECOND date. So, of course, my first question is - Did you plan that?? And he was adamant that they had no idea that he was here, let alone on a date. I don't think this guy told his family that he's on Match, he seemed very nervous that the question of how we met might come up... That's already an issue for me. Seriously, people. It's 2009. People meet people on the internet. I'm going to a wedding in 2 weeks for my friend who met his wife on Craigslist. So seriously, we all just need to get over it! Anyway, they don't even notice us at first. His sister-in-law comes and stands almost directly behind us, but his back is to her and she's facing away from him too, so she didn't notice. But when his brother walks over with the drinks, he of course notices his brother standing not 3 feet away from his wife. And so begins an awkward conversation of about 15 minutes. Thankfully they didn't ask how we met, so he was safe on this one. Our table was called, we ate dinner, talked, laughed, and things are back to being good. I'm feeling good about the date, I've had a few beers, life was swell.

After dinner we decided to go mini-golfing (my 3 date rule - 2nd date HAS to involve an activity or something fun that is not dinner/movie!). He golfs semi-regularly, so he was pretty confident that he would kick my ass on this one. I had a few too many beers at dinner (um, 2?? when did I get to be such a lightweight) and kept hitting the ball into the water, off the course, one time missing completely. It was a fun game, we had to stop frequently because there were 2 couples playing ahead of us who were playing more along my golfing level. Everytime we had to stop, he would put his arm around me, and rub my back. I could tell he wanted to kiss me there, but I was not about to have the first kiss on a mini-golf course with 2 other couples around. It's a good thing I waited, I think. I don't know what the final score was, we finished the game, and went back to his place, where my car was parked. He asked if I was going to get going or if I wanted to come up. It was fairly early at that point, so I decided to go up. At that point, the date had been going so well, I couldn't see any reason to not go. So, he took me to his apartment, showed me around, and the inevitable, first kiss occurred. Oh how I wish it hadn't. Not only was this guy not a good kisser, but he was using his teeth somehow. I couldn't figure it out, it was TERRIBLE. I wanted to run out of his apartment screaming, but I had just said that it wasn't that late, how was I going to avoid making out with him and not leave? We had been having movie quoting banter all night, and one of them included Airplane!, which was available on demand, so we watched that. I fell asleep sometime in the middle, and the next thing I know, the movie's over and he's trying to maul my face again. I really want to believe that good kissing is something that can be learned, and that I should give him a chance to prove otherwise. I tried pulling back everytime his teeth came out (maybe he's a vampire??) and at one point even jokingly asked if he was trying to bite off my lip. But nothing worked. I finally left close to 2am, and still had a 45 minute drive ahead of me. He mentioned the next time we hang out, it will be on my turf, but I'm not so sure there will be a next time. He didn't call/text to see if I got home OK, and I'm really surprised that I didn't hear from him at all today. Maybe he thinks I was a bad kisser, and is debating the same thing I am.

I've dated bad kissers before (you all remember the fish-kisser!), but at 31, shouldn't these things be fixed? If it's the only problem in a relationship, is it a deal-breaker?? I think the combination of bad kissing, the long distance, and him not even checking to see if I made it home OK last night is the trifecta deal-breaker. It was a fun 2-date run, but at least now I know.