I've been avoiding the blog. I don't want to write about the Israeli leaving. I don't want to write about the huge fight we had before he left (yes, ANOTHER one!), I don't want to write about how I had an extreme moment of insanity and locked myself in the bathroom (true story), and I don't want to write about how he told me that he loved me. After all of that.
And after all is said and done, he helped me move out of my apartment. I was mean to him. And he helped me more than any of my friends who have been my friends for years helped me. Moving out of my apartment was no small feat, and he did it without complaining, and tolerated my madness - for 11 hours, after fighting for many hours the night before. I am an awful person.
The fight - since it's really the only interesting part left of his stay here... here goes:
Thursday night was my dinner. I had about 12 friends there, and while I have a lot of friends who know each other, I had more there that knew no one. I felt like I was all over the place, trying to talk to everyone, and maybe I felt like since I spent so much time with the Israeli that week, it was ok if I didn't spend as much time talking to him during the dinner. I let him fend for himself, and he did just fine. He talked to my trainer, a guy I used to date and his new girlfriend, and one of my work friends for most of the night. Every time I looked over in his direction he was engaged in a conversation with someone, so I felt like he was holding his own. After dinner, a few of us went over to a bar for some drinks and a game of Scrabble. There were 5 of us, and not enough tile holders for 5 teams. I suggested 2 teams of 2, and one team of one. I volunteered to be on the team of one, which left the Israeli with my trainer, and my two home friends together. We're all pretty competitive, and I played as I would as if I were playing against any of my friends. I didn't treat him any differently, and I didn't think that was going to be a problem. When we got back to my apartment later that night, I could tell he was not acting like his normal self. I was uploading pictures from the night, and he went off into the other room to start packing. Once my pictures were up, I asked him if he was coming to bed. He said he'd be there in a little bit, and then came to bed after I was asleep. We slept on opposite sides of the bed. This was the first time his entire stay that this happened, and after such a good night on Wednesday night, it was kind of upsetting.
In the morning, he was still upset with me, and I asked him why. He denied that he was, and I had to go to the gym so we didn't have a lot of time to spend together. We had originally discussed meeting up around 3 in the afternoon, after he was done his errands. When he called at 3, I wasn't done packing and he still wanted to do some shopping, so he said he would call me later. During that time, I made plans to go to a concert with a friend, and assumed that the Israeli would want to come with. When he called later, he was angry that I had made plans, and said he didn't want to spend his last night in New York at a free concert at the South Street Seaport. This didn't make sense to me, because the Israeli loved music, our first date was to a free concert, I thought it would be a good way to end things. So, I went to the concert, and he called me around 10 to see what I was up to. I was just finishing dinner with the friends I went to the show with, and was in a very good mood on the phone with him. He took my good mood to indicate that I would be ok with him going out later than planned that night. He was wrong.
When I got back to my apartment it was around 11. By the time I was able to get a hold of him, it was nearly quarter after. I had a very classic New York moment, as I got into a fight with him on my cell phone outside of my apartment. Why I didn't go in, I'm not sure. I knew at that point that he wasn't going to be coming back any time soon, so it's not like I was waiting outside for him. Anyway, on the phone we really got into it. He was mad at me because I didn't want to go out, he was mad at me for going to the concert, he was mad at me because I wouldn't leave him the key to my apartment. I told him he could either come home soon (read: before midnight) or I could put his stuff outside and the homeless people could have it. He told me that he would come back at 7am the next morning to help me move, but he wanted to have fun on his last night in the city. This made me so angry because he already had a last night in the city, 3 months ago, and he used the same argument when we got into a fight that day (anyone see a pattern??). He then proceeded to tell me that I treat him like he's dumb (which is probably true), and I should see the looks I give him when he makes a mistake. So, we're arguing on the phone, while the Israeli is supposed to be hanging out with the new girl who took over his position and her sister. When I asked him why he'd rather spend time with someone he just met rather than me, he responded by saying that he wasn't going to get to see her for at least a year. I was flat out dumbfounded by this remark. He had just met her THAT day. Who cares when the next time he saw her was. He might not see me ever again at this point (is what I wanted to say to him...) and all he cares about is hanging out with some girl who he just met and her sister. So, while at first I was angry that he was being stubborn about coming home, when he said this I was enraged. Furious.
When he finally got back to my apartment, it was after 1, which means he didn't leave the Tea Lounge until after midnight, I had enough time to really fester up some serious fuel for my anger. I was steaming when I had to go down to let him in, and I didn't say anything at all to him, I just glared. I continued to ignore him when we got back into the apartment, and I don't know what I expected him to do, he was just as angry with me. He started to pack his stuff to leave. I didn't want him to leave, but I wasn't ready to talk about. So I did what every crazy girl would do. I went into the bathroom, and locked the door, knowing that I had his glasses in the bathroom with me, and he wouldn't leave without them. And I told him this from behind the locked bathroom door. He told me that since his glasses were worth $400, he would just take something from my apartment that was worth that much and leave. If I wanted my stuff back, I'd have to give him the glasses back. I don't know if he thought this would get me to come out of the bathroom, but it didn't. The only things worth anything in my apartment were either already packed, too big for him to realistically carry out of my apartment, or on my person (my own glasses). I could hear him looking through some things, I heard him turn on the tv, I heard him stomp and sigh around my apartment for however long I was locked in there. Finally, I heard him on the computer. Oh no. I was not going to be locked in the bathroom while he was online. So, I hid his glasses (yes, I was that crazy) and left the bathroom and unplugged the internet. So mature. Really.
We eventually got to talking, and we were able to talk about all the things that were bothering both of us. He felt like I treated him like he was unimportant when my friends were around, and that I treat him like he's dumb. I accepted both of those criticisms, because I do have the tendency to do both of those things. I apologized. He told me he loved me. It was in the middle of a conversation though, so I didn't have to respond. I didn't say it back. I did tell him that he once told me that he didn't believe in love, and had never told anyone that he loved them. He told me that he hopes it's not always this difficult.
After we spent all day Saturday moving me out of my apartment, and the Israeli was a HUGE help, it was time for me to take him to the airport. I'm not sure if the sadness was from leaving my apartment and leaving Brooklyn or the Israeli leaving, but I definitely cried... to the airport, at the airport, on my drive home. He wants me to come visit him in December. I've looked into it, but I haven't found any good flights. Visiting probably the holiest of lands during the holiday season, yeah... I'm probably not going to get a good flight.
So, the Israeli is gone. I really wish our last week had been different. If I hadn't been moving, I'm sure it would have been. I feel badly about how awful I was to him, especially because time after time, he was nothing short of amazing to me.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Shower
the Israeli is the shower. I'm blogging in secret. Tuesday night, I did in fact get the kitchen packed completely. I did also receive a phone call at 8:45 from the Israeli saying that he was just getting on the bus, and did not know how long it would take to get home. At 9:10, I get a text message from the Israeli saying that the bus hadn't arrived, and wouldn't arrive until 9:13. I was already mad at him, and when he got back to the apartment I picked one of the worst fights I may have ever picked in my life. Basically, every doubt, insecurity, and irritant I ever felt with the Israeli from the past 6 months came pouring out of me. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was because my trainer made a point to tell me I deserved better - and pointed out red flags I could have seen before - but regardless, I spent a good long hour telling the Israeli everything I did not like about our relationship and how he had treated me in the past 6 months. It felt cathartic to be so honest. I felt terrible at the same time, because I didn't want these few days to be miserable with the Israeli. I was very worked up, and very emotional... to the point where I made the Israeli cry because he felt like he had never hurt someone as badly as he hurt me. Hmmm. Well, maybe I over exaggerated a bit how hurt I had been... but it was good to actually see some emotion from him. He used the "L" word a few times, but he never came out and said "I love you." Which, much to my relief, I didn't have to come up with a response to. He was going to leave and stay with other friends, and part of me really wanted to let him go. But I knew I would feel terrible if I let things end that way. So we made up, and things were teary and a little weird... but ultimately, it was fine.
Wednesday, I had a session with my trainer in the morning, so the Israeli went to go do his laundry and run some errands. When he came back to the apartment, he had brought me a whole breakfast from the place we ate lunch the first day he was here. It was really sweet, and I could tell he was trying to make up for how badly he felt the night before. We went to Target where the Israeli got some clothes that were a little less Israeli... and in my opinion, a little more normal. We then had plans to meet up with his friends who he knows from Israel, but they live in New York now. I had never been introduced to any of his friends while he was here in May, and really didn't think any of them knew anything about me. Apparently, this one couple had heard about me, but still he had never introduced us before. His friend was playing a violin concert on the Upper West Side, so we went to that and then we went to dinner with his friend, her husband, and some of the other members of her quartet. It was quite an eclectic group and the Israeli really seemed to be in his element. It was a very diverse dinner party, as it was determined that I was the only true American at the table. Most of them had their green cards, and had been living here for many years, but there were 3 Israeli born, 3 Russian born, 1 Turkish, and 1 Canadian... and me, a red blooded Yankee through and through. I think socially the Israeli does better in situations like these, because they are more diverse and his mannerisms don't seem so out of place. However, the other 2 Israelis are much more Americanized. The Israeli's friend came up with a whole plan on how the Israeli is going to move here... to be with me. She said he should come back for grad school, and since I'm moving to Philly/South Jersey, he should look into Penn or Temple. And then he will live with me, and... Ok. Enough. I don't want the Israeli to move here, not for me at least. If he does end up coming here for his Masters degree, than that's one thing... but I'm not going to wait around for him. And I'm not going to to hold my breath hoping that he does. At this point, I'll be sad to see him go, but I think it will be easier this time to move on.
This morning we had a late breakfast and then the Israeli went off to run some errands while I stayed home and packed up more of the apartment. Tonight is my going away party where the Israeli will get to meet many of my friends here in the city. Some he's met before, most he hasn't. I'm interested to see how he survives socially in a much less diverse population (he'll be the only non-American this time!), although I'm afraid I already know how this is going to go...
Wednesday, I had a session with my trainer in the morning, so the Israeli went to go do his laundry and run some errands. When he came back to the apartment, he had brought me a whole breakfast from the place we ate lunch the first day he was here. It was really sweet, and I could tell he was trying to make up for how badly he felt the night before. We went to Target where the Israeli got some clothes that were a little less Israeli... and in my opinion, a little more normal. We then had plans to meet up with his friends who he knows from Israel, but they live in New York now. I had never been introduced to any of his friends while he was here in May, and really didn't think any of them knew anything about me. Apparently, this one couple had heard about me, but still he had never introduced us before. His friend was playing a violin concert on the Upper West Side, so we went to that and then we went to dinner with his friend, her husband, and some of the other members of her quartet. It was quite an eclectic group and the Israeli really seemed to be in his element. It was a very diverse dinner party, as it was determined that I was the only true American at the table. Most of them had their green cards, and had been living here for many years, but there were 3 Israeli born, 3 Russian born, 1 Turkish, and 1 Canadian... and me, a red blooded Yankee through and through. I think socially the Israeli does better in situations like these, because they are more diverse and his mannerisms don't seem so out of place. However, the other 2 Israelis are much more Americanized. The Israeli's friend came up with a whole plan on how the Israeli is going to move here... to be with me. She said he should come back for grad school, and since I'm moving to Philly/South Jersey, he should look into Penn or Temple. And then he will live with me, and... Ok. Enough. I don't want the Israeli to move here, not for me at least. If he does end up coming here for his Masters degree, than that's one thing... but I'm not going to wait around for him. And I'm not going to to hold my breath hoping that he does. At this point, I'll be sad to see him go, but I think it will be easier this time to move on.
This morning we had a late breakfast and then the Israeli went off to run some errands while I stayed home and packed up more of the apartment. Tonight is my going away party where the Israeli will get to meet many of my friends here in the city. Some he's met before, most he hasn't. I'm interested to see how he survives socially in a much less diverse population (he'll be the only non-American this time!), although I'm afraid I already know how this is going to go...
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
A night to myself.
Well, I'd like to say it's been nothing but bliss since the Israeli arrived late yesterday morning.... but, I'd be lying to you if I did. He arrived at the apartment around 11:30, right around the time when I was officially freaking out that he had somehow gotten his flight information wrong (I checked LaGuardia airport - there were NO scheduled flights from Seattle!), or that he had missed his plane, I even checked for plane crashes. None of this happened in fact, he flew in on time to JFK, and should have had a fairly easy time getting to my apartment from there. His flight landed at 9:30, and I can't actually imagine it really taking 2 hours to get from JFK to my place, but somehow it did.
The reunion was very nice. I was nervous as anything going to answer the door, and how no idea how the greeting was going to go. We hugged, and then kissed, and then made our way upstairs where we hugged and kissed some more. The afternoon was really lovely. He gave me the presents that he bought for me while he was traveling, which include a pen, a key chain, and a necklace. Lovely stuff indeed. We spent a while in bed, and then got a delicious brunch (even though it was well past lunch time) at the Boerum Hill Food Co. - a favorite of mine that he had never been to. We came back to the apartment and took a nap, on and off throughout the afternoon. We were going to go to the movies, but a friend of mine invited us to dinner with her brother and sister who were in town visiting this week, and I really wanted to meet them. So off to Joya instead of the movies, where we had a good dinner... however, the Israeli in public was something I had forgotten about. I felt myself getting more and more irritated with his mannerisms that I had so easily forgotten over the past 3 months. Dinner was amazing though, and it seemed to go fairly well, although the Israeli was being... well, Israeli.
After dinner, we came back to the apartment, and my (now ex) roommate was here, trying to finish up some of her packing. Moving is stressful for anyone who is involved, and I asked the Israeli if he would mind taking a ride up to Inwood to help my roommate move her things so she wouldn't have to schlep it on the subway. He was fine with that, and I offered it to my roommate. She declined the offer to help, and maybe there was just too much tension in the air, so the Israeli and I went for a walk to give my roommate some space to clear out what she needed to do. We walked up to the Promenade, and even though it was drizzly and rainy, it was a beautiful night. While I vented out the whole moving process, the Israeli was great. He was understanding, and very supportive of my ranting and raving during the entire walk. We reached the Promenade, and just sat on a bench and enjoyed the views of Manhattan and the Brooklyn Bridge. We walked down to try to get some ice cream at the Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory, but they were closed. We walked back through Brooklyn Heights, peering into some of the amazing brownstones and talking about our dream houses, and what we would do with it all if we had the money to spend. We stopped at McDonald's for some ice cream (the only place left that was open at this hour on a Monday night!), and walked the rest of the way home in the rain.
My roommate was gone when we got back to the apartment, but I was unsettled by how the situation was left between us. Between raging and moping about it, the Israeli was really great the whole night - talking to me in Hebrew (he's trying to teach me some... I'm learning slowly), and joking around. We went to sleep around 2, and the Israeli was going to come to the gym with me this morning. I slept on and off throughout the whole night. After sleeping alone for 3 months, sharing a bed/space takes some getting used to.
I practically had to drag the Israeli out of bed in the morning and to the gym. He had to go on a tour with a consultant as part of the free offer for the gym, but I had to meet with my trainer so I couldn't stay with him. He came over during my session and was fairly awkward in his introduction to my trainer (although no more awkward than he is usually...), so my trainer thinks I can do better. I'm not saying I disagree. By that time this morning, I needed some time to myself. Nearing 24 hours straight with the Israeli, the first thing I said to my trainer in the morning was "I'm ready for him to go home."
The Israeli spent the day at his old job, so I had time to pack. I got almost all of the kitchen packed, and I'm pretty pleased with my progress. If I can do 1 room a day, I will be done by Thursday! I was supposed to be done by the time the Israeli got here, but who am I kidding? I'll be glad to be packed before my brother comes with the truck Saturday morning! The Israeli called to invite me to go to dinner with him and his friend that I met before he left and her husband. I am in no mood for company, and the awkwardness I felt about making them speak English last time because I was there, was still there, so I decided to avoid the awkward situation and have a night to myself. I was definitely irritable with the Israeli before he left to go over there, but I think that's just my general mood these days. He told me he'd be back by 9. I told him if he wasn't back by 9, and if he didn't call me, I wouldn't talk to him for the rest of the time he was here. I have 2 hours to myself, and I plan to spend them in the best way possible. A glass of wine, some loud music, and trashing everything that's left in my kitchen. Exciting.
to be continued...
The reunion was very nice. I was nervous as anything going to answer the door, and how no idea how the greeting was going to go. We hugged, and then kissed, and then made our way upstairs where we hugged and kissed some more. The afternoon was really lovely. He gave me the presents that he bought for me while he was traveling, which include a pen, a key chain, and a necklace. Lovely stuff indeed. We spent a while in bed, and then got a delicious brunch (even though it was well past lunch time) at the Boerum Hill Food Co. - a favorite of mine that he had never been to. We came back to the apartment and took a nap, on and off throughout the afternoon. We were going to go to the movies, but a friend of mine invited us to dinner with her brother and sister who were in town visiting this week, and I really wanted to meet them. So off to Joya instead of the movies, where we had a good dinner... however, the Israeli in public was something I had forgotten about. I felt myself getting more and more irritated with his mannerisms that I had so easily forgotten over the past 3 months. Dinner was amazing though, and it seemed to go fairly well, although the Israeli was being... well, Israeli.
After dinner, we came back to the apartment, and my (now ex) roommate was here, trying to finish up some of her packing. Moving is stressful for anyone who is involved, and I asked the Israeli if he would mind taking a ride up to Inwood to help my roommate move her things so she wouldn't have to schlep it on the subway. He was fine with that, and I offered it to my roommate. She declined the offer to help, and maybe there was just too much tension in the air, so the Israeli and I went for a walk to give my roommate some space to clear out what she needed to do. We walked up to the Promenade, and even though it was drizzly and rainy, it was a beautiful night. While I vented out the whole moving process, the Israeli was great. He was understanding, and very supportive of my ranting and raving during the entire walk. We reached the Promenade, and just sat on a bench and enjoyed the views of Manhattan and the Brooklyn Bridge. We walked down to try to get some ice cream at the Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory, but they were closed. We walked back through Brooklyn Heights, peering into some of the amazing brownstones and talking about our dream houses, and what we would do with it all if we had the money to spend. We stopped at McDonald's for some ice cream (the only place left that was open at this hour on a Monday night!), and walked the rest of the way home in the rain.
My roommate was gone when we got back to the apartment, but I was unsettled by how the situation was left between us. Between raging and moping about it, the Israeli was really great the whole night - talking to me in Hebrew (he's trying to teach me some... I'm learning slowly), and joking around. We went to sleep around 2, and the Israeli was going to come to the gym with me this morning. I slept on and off throughout the whole night. After sleeping alone for 3 months, sharing a bed/space takes some getting used to.
I practically had to drag the Israeli out of bed in the morning and to the gym. He had to go on a tour with a consultant as part of the free offer for the gym, but I had to meet with my trainer so I couldn't stay with him. He came over during my session and was fairly awkward in his introduction to my trainer (although no more awkward than he is usually...), so my trainer thinks I can do better. I'm not saying I disagree. By that time this morning, I needed some time to myself. Nearing 24 hours straight with the Israeli, the first thing I said to my trainer in the morning was "I'm ready for him to go home."
The Israeli spent the day at his old job, so I had time to pack. I got almost all of the kitchen packed, and I'm pretty pleased with my progress. If I can do 1 room a day, I will be done by Thursday! I was supposed to be done by the time the Israeli got here, but who am I kidding? I'll be glad to be packed before my brother comes with the truck Saturday morning! The Israeli called to invite me to go to dinner with him and his friend that I met before he left and her husband. I am in no mood for company, and the awkwardness I felt about making them speak English last time because I was there, was still there, so I decided to avoid the awkward situation and have a night to myself. I was definitely irritable with the Israeli before he left to go over there, but I think that's just my general mood these days. He told me he'd be back by 9. I told him if he wasn't back by 9, and if he didn't call me, I wouldn't talk to him for the rest of the time he was here. I have 2 hours to myself, and I plan to spend them in the best way possible. A glass of wine, some loud music, and trashing everything that's left in my kitchen. Exciting.
to be continued...
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.
"I'll give you 3 guesses for what could be worse than a 1st date with the Yeah, Yeah guy." This was a text message I sent mid-date on my bad second date with the Yeah, Yeah guy. I was wrong to think that I should look past his social awkwardness and maybe he would warm up after another date. This date was awkward from the get-go and did not ease up one bit over the course of the 5 hours. If anything, the awkwardness intensifies when you realize that it's not getting any better.
The Yeah, Yeah guy sent me an email asking me out for this weekend, originally Saturday, but I had already made plans, so I suggested Friday night. I would have much rather have gone out on Friday than tonight, but this seemed to be the only night that was going to work. I should have just canceled. We made plans to meet up at Union Square to see the Simpson's movie, which I was looking forward to seeing, and did thoroughly enjoy. It's bad when you can fill enough conversation to last through that little bit of time when you are waiting for the movie to start, right? It was bad, but I was hoping we could at least make some sort of small talk. No... I would ask lots of questions, and he would respond, and sometimes follow it up with a "what about you?" But he didn't generate any of his own questions. And I don't believe it was because he was uninterested in me; I do believe it's because he may not actually even know how, or it doesn't even occur to him. So, a lot of the conversation ended with me shaking my head at something he said, waiting for him to follow up with something... and then a few minutes of silence until I could comment on something or ask him something else.
After the movie (which was a blissful hour and a half where no conversation was needed!), we went across the street and had dinner at Max Brenner: Chocolate by the Bald Man, which was in fact delicious and the highlight of my evening. While we waited for our table, the Yeah Yeah guy went outside to smoke a cigarette (which is when I texted my friend), and I immediately thought that him smoking would be a great out as to giving him a reason why I thought this wasn't going to work. That's pretty bad to be thinking up excuses to tell someone why I don't want to see them again before we're even sat for dinner. It's so Aiden and Carrie for me to be like "I can't date a smoker." But, I really don't like dating smokers, and I don't want to have to tell this guy that he's too socially awkward (and I have dated LOADS of socially awkward guys, so he must me really awkward) and makes me uncomfortable. Smoking seems like an easy out. Dinner was ok, dessert was most delicious (although the conversation sucked throughout the entire meal - which kind of makes everything taste a little bit worse). I insisted on splitting the bill with him, because I didn't want to feel like I owed him anything. He walked me to the subway, and I went to give him a hug. I think he may have tried to kiss my cheek, because I heard a strange kissing noise near my ear. I pulled back before there was any contact.
I think the problem with this second date, unlike my second date with other socially awkward guys - like T or D - is that I ran out of things to say. I felt like I had exhausted ALL of my conversation with him from the first date, could find little to pick up on from then, and then had a small bank of conversation to draw from at the beginning of this date. He didn't make any effort to keep up his end of the bargain by at least asking me a question or something that was related to ANYTHING we had talked about last time. So, if he's socially inept enough (which I think he might be) to ask me out a 3rd time, I'll know better.
The Israeli comes back tomorrow! I can't believe it's been 3 months since he left. I can't believe I didn't hook up with a single person the entire time! A whole summer of a few dates, but nothing physical... this way I can tell the Israeli I was saving myself for him.
The Yeah, Yeah guy sent me an email asking me out for this weekend, originally Saturday, but I had already made plans, so I suggested Friday night. I would have much rather have gone out on Friday than tonight, but this seemed to be the only night that was going to work. I should have just canceled. We made plans to meet up at Union Square to see the Simpson's movie, which I was looking forward to seeing, and did thoroughly enjoy. It's bad when you can fill enough conversation to last through that little bit of time when you are waiting for the movie to start, right? It was bad, but I was hoping we could at least make some sort of small talk. No... I would ask lots of questions, and he would respond, and sometimes follow it up with a "what about you?" But he didn't generate any of his own questions. And I don't believe it was because he was uninterested in me; I do believe it's because he may not actually even know how, or it doesn't even occur to him. So, a lot of the conversation ended with me shaking my head at something he said, waiting for him to follow up with something... and then a few minutes of silence until I could comment on something or ask him something else.
After the movie (which was a blissful hour and a half where no conversation was needed!), we went across the street and had dinner at Max Brenner: Chocolate by the Bald Man, which was in fact delicious and the highlight of my evening. While we waited for our table, the Yeah Yeah guy went outside to smoke a cigarette (which is when I texted my friend), and I immediately thought that him smoking would be a great out as to giving him a reason why I thought this wasn't going to work. That's pretty bad to be thinking up excuses to tell someone why I don't want to see them again before we're even sat for dinner. It's so Aiden and Carrie for me to be like "I can't date a smoker." But, I really don't like dating smokers, and I don't want to have to tell this guy that he's too socially awkward (and I have dated LOADS of socially awkward guys, so he must me really awkward) and makes me uncomfortable. Smoking seems like an easy out. Dinner was ok, dessert was most delicious (although the conversation sucked throughout the entire meal - which kind of makes everything taste a little bit worse). I insisted on splitting the bill with him, because I didn't want to feel like I owed him anything. He walked me to the subway, and I went to give him a hug. I think he may have tried to kiss my cheek, because I heard a strange kissing noise near my ear. I pulled back before there was any contact.
I think the problem with this second date, unlike my second date with other socially awkward guys - like T or D - is that I ran out of things to say. I felt like I had exhausted ALL of my conversation with him from the first date, could find little to pick up on from then, and then had a small bank of conversation to draw from at the beginning of this date. He didn't make any effort to keep up his end of the bargain by at least asking me a question or something that was related to ANYTHING we had talked about last time. So, if he's socially inept enough (which I think he might be) to ask me out a 3rd time, I'll know better.
The Israeli comes back tomorrow! I can't believe it's been 3 months since he left. I can't believe I didn't hook up with a single person the entire time! A whole summer of a few dates, but nothing physical... this way I can tell the Israeli I was saving myself for him.
Friday, August 10, 2007
What's love got to do with it?
I am feeling so conflicted right now. I am in the process of dating and seeing many people in the city, yet I have this connection to the Israeli that makes me want to leave all of that. He's been in contact a lot more in the past few weeks than he has been in the past 2 months. I got an email from him a few days ago where he told me that he wanted to cancel the Canada part of his trip so he could come back to New York and spend more time with me.
He's constantly telling me how much he misses me, and that he can't wait to see me. He was supposed to take a train ride cross country from Seattle to New York, and then spend his last 3 days with me in the city. He has now changed his plans, so he's going to fly into the city 2 and a half days early, and we end up having about 6 days total together. Still, 6 isn't that many. And I feel myself getting more and more attached.
I'm moving out of the city the day he flies home. My brother will come to the city that morning and the Israeli, my brother, and I will move out all of my furniture. This will be my last day, both in New York and with the Israeli, it's kind of fitting. The Israeli will fly out late that night, so we'll have the rest of the day once I'm all moved out. It's nice to have all this closure at once, I just fear that I will be a complete wreck.
We had a strange conversation tonight...
Israeli: i want to use some words...
Israeli: but don't know their effect
Me: i don't know what you mean
Isreali: well...
Isreali: maybe i'll tell you when i'll see you...
Me: hmm. ok. now I'm curious..
Isreali: yeah.. it's a good word... hopefully
and then later....
Isreali: I really really ____ you... so... it was good to know it's true
Me: ______ = miss?
Isreali: you'll have to wait for that one.....
Now, there are only a few words I can think of to fill in that blank. I don't know if I'm ready for what I think it is.
He's constantly telling me how much he misses me, and that he can't wait to see me. He was supposed to take a train ride cross country from Seattle to New York, and then spend his last 3 days with me in the city. He has now changed his plans, so he's going to fly into the city 2 and a half days early, and we end up having about 6 days total together. Still, 6 isn't that many. And I feel myself getting more and more attached.
I'm moving out of the city the day he flies home. My brother will come to the city that morning and the Israeli, my brother, and I will move out all of my furniture. This will be my last day, both in New York and with the Israeli, it's kind of fitting. The Israeli will fly out late that night, so we'll have the rest of the day once I'm all moved out. It's nice to have all this closure at once, I just fear that I will be a complete wreck.
We had a strange conversation tonight...
Israeli: i want to use some words...
Israeli: but don't know their effect
Me: i don't know what you mean
Isreali: well...
Isreali: maybe i'll tell you when i'll see you...
Me: hmm. ok. now I'm curious..
Isreali: yeah.. it's a good word... hopefully
and then later....
Isreali: I really really ____ you... so... it was good to know it's true
Me: ______ = miss?
Isreali: you'll have to wait for that one.....
Now, there are only a few words I can think of to fill in that blank. I don't know if I'm ready for what I think it is.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Yeah, Yeah.
After a long week of car trouble, and spending more time than planned at my parent's house (although I guess I should get used to it... moving back there in a few weeks seems less appealing every day.), I finally managed to make it back to the city today and to go on a date.
I met this guy through match.com, and I believe I made the initial contact with him. It was a long time ago, I remember - I think I may have sent him a wink. He was attractive, and a children's librarian. Why not? So, we started emailing (and I swear this has been going for at least a month), but then I went to Vegas, and then he went to Maryland, and we couldn't find any common time. Tonight - at last - we met up for coffee (at the same cafe that I went to with the acupuncturist on one of our few dates). I thought the conversation would have gone a bit smoother, we should have had a lot to talk about. We both went to Rutgers - and we both transferred there from smaller schools in other states - and we're both librarians. That should be common ground enough.
We did have a long lengthy chat about Harry Potter. But I feel like I have to censor myself whenever I talk about the latest HP because I was talking about it with a friend on the train the other day, and we were talking about the ending, and I said "Oh in that part where ______ dies??" (Note: this is not a spoiler. You all know SOMEONE is going to die.) but on the train, I actually said the character's name. The woman sitting next to my friend was reading HP, and I could have potentially ruined it for her. I blame my friend for asking an unspecific enough question, but yes... I should've known better. So, long story, I just felt like I kept whispering when I would talk about all the "spoiler" parts of the book. It was an interesting conversation though. So as the librarian and I (or as the NY Times would call him, a "guybrarian") chatted, I realized that when he was engaged in the conversation he was very well spoken and intelligent, and I enjoyed our conversation. When I was talking about something unrelated to a topic he could really contribute to, or when I went off on a tangent (never!), his reply constantly was "Yeah, yeah." Sometimes it was a triplicate yeah. But there were a lot of yeahs being dropped.
I know it's important to show someone that you are paying attention, but this wasn't that kind of "yeah." This would come at the end of something I had said, and although not everything I say warrants a response, but SOME of the things I say do! I felt like I was constantly ending conversations on his "Yeah, yeah" and not know where to restart it, so I would ask an inane question or start another rambling monologue only to be followed up by a yeah.
We did manage to fill two hours of conversation, and then we decided it was time to leave. I didn't even get to see what he had been wearing until he stood up to go pay the bill (he had been sitting at the outdoor table when I arrived). There was an orange t-shirt (which looked fine and normal from the seated position - I'd even go as far as to say cute even), tucked into off white pants of a strange texture. I'd say they looked like corduroy texture, but not as heavy. Maybe a summer corduroy, do they make that? And belted, of course. Nothing completes a casual t shirt, white pant look better than a belt. But I think, clothes aside, he wasn't very comfortable in his own body. At least he didn't appear to be. He is really tall, like 6'3" or maybe 6'4" even, and gangly. He reminded me of my 15 year old cousin who just had a growth spurt and doesn't know how to work his arms and legs yet.
He walked me to the train, and on the way he asked me if I liked the Simpsons. I replied that I do, and he asked me if I had seen the movie yet, which I haven't. I really didn't see this as a set up for a second date, but I was wrong. He then said, well that sounds like a good idea for a second meeting. I gave him a very awkward hug which I think started out as a handshake, and then I wished him a happy birthday (it's his birthday tomorrow) and we parted ways.
Thinking about it, I wouldn't mind seeing him again. Actually I'd like to see if he loosens up after a few dates. He seems like he could be really cool once you get past the awkwardness. Yeah?
I met this guy through match.com, and I believe I made the initial contact with him. It was a long time ago, I remember - I think I may have sent him a wink. He was attractive, and a children's librarian. Why not? So, we started emailing (and I swear this has been going for at least a month), but then I went to Vegas, and then he went to Maryland, and we couldn't find any common time. Tonight - at last - we met up for coffee (at the same cafe that I went to with the acupuncturist on one of our few dates). I thought the conversation would have gone a bit smoother, we should have had a lot to talk about. We both went to Rutgers - and we both transferred there from smaller schools in other states - and we're both librarians. That should be common ground enough.
We did have a long lengthy chat about Harry Potter. But I feel like I have to censor myself whenever I talk about the latest HP because I was talking about it with a friend on the train the other day, and we were talking about the ending, and I said "Oh in that part where ______ dies??" (Note: this is not a spoiler. You all know SOMEONE is going to die.) but on the train, I actually said the character's name. The woman sitting next to my friend was reading HP, and I could have potentially ruined it for her. I blame my friend for asking an unspecific enough question, but yes... I should've known better. So, long story, I just felt like I kept whispering when I would talk about all the "spoiler" parts of the book. It was an interesting conversation though. So as the librarian and I (or as the NY Times would call him, a "guybrarian") chatted, I realized that when he was engaged in the conversation he was very well spoken and intelligent, and I enjoyed our conversation. When I was talking about something unrelated to a topic he could really contribute to, or when I went off on a tangent (never!), his reply constantly was "Yeah, yeah." Sometimes it was a triplicate yeah. But there were a lot of yeahs being dropped.
I know it's important to show someone that you are paying attention, but this wasn't that kind of "yeah." This would come at the end of something I had said, and although not everything I say warrants a response, but SOME of the things I say do! I felt like I was constantly ending conversations on his "Yeah, yeah" and not know where to restart it, so I would ask an inane question or start another rambling monologue only to be followed up by a yeah.
We did manage to fill two hours of conversation, and then we decided it was time to leave. I didn't even get to see what he had been wearing until he stood up to go pay the bill (he had been sitting at the outdoor table when I arrived). There was an orange t-shirt (which looked fine and normal from the seated position - I'd even go as far as to say cute even), tucked into off white pants of a strange texture. I'd say they looked like corduroy texture, but not as heavy. Maybe a summer corduroy, do they make that? And belted, of course. Nothing completes a casual t shirt, white pant look better than a belt. But I think, clothes aside, he wasn't very comfortable in his own body. At least he didn't appear to be. He is really tall, like 6'3" or maybe 6'4" even, and gangly. He reminded me of my 15 year old cousin who just had a growth spurt and doesn't know how to work his arms and legs yet.
He walked me to the train, and on the way he asked me if I liked the Simpsons. I replied that I do, and he asked me if I had seen the movie yet, which I haven't. I really didn't see this as a set up for a second date, but I was wrong. He then said, well that sounds like a good idea for a second meeting. I gave him a very awkward hug which I think started out as a handshake, and then I wished him a happy birthday (it's his birthday tomorrow) and we parted ways.
Thinking about it, I wouldn't mind seeing him again. Actually I'd like to see if he loosens up after a few dates. He seems like he could be really cool once you get past the awkwardness. Yeah?
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
What do you value?
My friend and I flew home from Vegas Thursday night, and arrived early Friday morning, east coast time. During the flight, we boarded last, we couldn't find seats next to each other, so we had to sit across the isle from one another. This is fine, I had my new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows to read, I was ready for a long plane ride to keep to myself. I sat next to what looked like a nice enough couple, and said hello. The woman saw me pull out my Harry Potter book and told me she had just finished reading it, and she loved it. The man, who I had yet to realize was not 100% there, repeated exactly the same thing his wife (?) had just said, except slower with a more affected speech, which at first I couldn't tell if it was just an accent.
His wife was very sweet and let me borrow her book light when it turned out my overhead light wasn't working. The man on the other hand continued to be creepy. He would sit there, sometimes with his sunglasses on, and just stare at me. He saw that my friend was engaged and asked her when she was getting married. She replied that the wedding was next summer, and his follow up question to that was "How big?" Any normal person would think he meant how big of a wedding, but no... he meant how big was the stone in her ring. And then he lost interest and went back to staring.
At one point the flight got a little bumpy, and I'm a bad flier. I was talking to my friend and then went back to my book. He was staring again, and I made the mistake of making eye contact. He was just staring at me, I got flustered and dropped the book light on the floor, he helped pick it up... and then the following conversation ensued (with no segue or pre-cursor), word for word... .
Creepy Man: What do you value? (keep in mind there is little to no inflection in his voice, and he's staring at me the ENTIRE time)
E: What?
CM: What do you value?
E: Um, do you mean like, in life?
CM: Yes.
E: Uh... (pause) I don't know, like family, friends, and happiness...? (My REAL answer is obviously sex, drugs, and money.)
CM: No.
E: That's wrong?
CM: Are you going to heaven?
E: (at this point, I'm wondering how crazy this man is, and if he's going to try to kill me on the plane, I look desperately at my friend who is trying very hard not to laugh) Um, I hope so. I guess... I think I'm a good person...
CM: If you follow these steps, you will make it to heaven. (he reaches into his fanny pack - oh yeah baby - and pulls out 2 little pamphlets about finding God)
E: (Handing one to my now near hysterical friend, taking the other pamphlet for myself) Oh. Awesome, Thanks.
CM: This is the ONLY way. All people are sinners unless they follow these steps. I know I am going to heaven. The only way you will know is if you follow these steps.
E: Yeah, Ok. That's great. (Quickly re-immersed myself in Harry Potter for the remainder of the flight.)
I had to keep the pamphlet for the entire time, because I didn't want him to see me throw it away. I used it as a bookmark for my Harry Potter book for the remainder of the time I was reading it. I like the irony.
During the landing, I made the mistake of trying to look out the window (I was on the aisle, so that meant I had to look past creepy man), but I made a point NOT to make eye contact. Did not matter. He was staring at me while I was looking at the window, and just said, "what?" I was flustered and really didn't want to talk to him at all anymore, so I just said, "I'm just looking at the window." and turned away. We disembarked quickly thereafter, and I managed any more awkward conversations with the creepiest man ever.
His wife, didn't say a word - the entire flight. She read for most of it, and if she did talk to her husband, it wasn't loud enough for me to hear. We talked about Harry Potter for a bit right when we landed because she wanted to know how far I was - and I obviously thanked her for allowing me to use her book light. I couldn't imagine a stranger pair.
August already? How did this happen? I have exactly 25 more days that I will be living in NYC. That's right... and my goal is have at least 5 more dates before I move. 3 are in the works, 2 shouldn't be too hard to plan. There's always craigslist.
His wife was very sweet and let me borrow her book light when it turned out my overhead light wasn't working. The man on the other hand continued to be creepy. He would sit there, sometimes with his sunglasses on, and just stare at me. He saw that my friend was engaged and asked her when she was getting married. She replied that the wedding was next summer, and his follow up question to that was "How big?" Any normal person would think he meant how big of a wedding, but no... he meant how big was the stone in her ring. And then he lost interest and went back to staring.
At one point the flight got a little bumpy, and I'm a bad flier. I was talking to my friend and then went back to my book. He was staring again, and I made the mistake of making eye contact. He was just staring at me, I got flustered and dropped the book light on the floor, he helped pick it up... and then the following conversation ensued (with no segue or pre-cursor), word for word... .
Creepy Man: What do you value? (keep in mind there is little to no inflection in his voice, and he's staring at me the ENTIRE time)
E: What?
CM: What do you value?
E: Um, do you mean like, in life?
CM: Yes.
E: Uh... (pause) I don't know, like family, friends, and happiness...? (My REAL answer is obviously sex, drugs, and money.)
CM: No.
E: That's wrong?
CM: Are you going to heaven?
E: (at this point, I'm wondering how crazy this man is, and if he's going to try to kill me on the plane, I look desperately at my friend who is trying very hard not to laugh) Um, I hope so. I guess... I think I'm a good person...
CM: If you follow these steps, you will make it to heaven. (he reaches into his fanny pack - oh yeah baby - and pulls out 2 little pamphlets about finding God)
E: (Handing one to my now near hysterical friend, taking the other pamphlet for myself) Oh. Awesome, Thanks.
CM: This is the ONLY way. All people are sinners unless they follow these steps. I know I am going to heaven. The only way you will know is if you follow these steps.
E: Yeah, Ok. That's great. (Quickly re-immersed myself in Harry Potter for the remainder of the flight.)
I had to keep the pamphlet for the entire time, because I didn't want him to see me throw it away. I used it as a bookmark for my Harry Potter book for the remainder of the time I was reading it. I like the irony.
During the landing, I made the mistake of trying to look out the window (I was on the aisle, so that meant I had to look past creepy man), but I made a point NOT to make eye contact. Did not matter. He was staring at me while I was looking at the window, and just said, "what?" I was flustered and really didn't want to talk to him at all anymore, so I just said, "I'm just looking at the window." and turned away. We disembarked quickly thereafter, and I managed any more awkward conversations with the creepiest man ever.
His wife, didn't say a word - the entire flight. She read for most of it, and if she did talk to her husband, it wasn't loud enough for me to hear. We talked about Harry Potter for a bit right when we landed because she wanted to know how far I was - and I obviously thanked her for allowing me to use her book light. I couldn't imagine a stranger pair.
August already? How did this happen? I have exactly 25 more days that I will be living in NYC. That's right... and my goal is have at least 5 more dates before I move. 3 are in the works, 2 shouldn't be too hard to plan. There's always craigslist.
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