The Little Things

So, I know I said I was taking a break... but I posted this elsewhere over the weekend, and as it is relevant to my relationship, I'll post it here for those of you who still check. I guess that's how it will go for now, if I post something about my relationship with Mr. Perfect in another place, and it's relevant to here... I'll post it. I don't know how often that will be, and it may be edited for content - but it's something.

How much do the little things in life matter?

I was out tonight with Mr. Perfect and some friends, and it was a good time. He seemed to be really enjoying himself and didn't have any trouble making conversation with either of my friends. He has been with out with them twice before, so maybe the third time is the charm? I could tell he was having a really good time, but I was really tired. I wasn't as into the conversations as the rest of them were and really I just wanted to go home and go to sleep. We've spent every day this week together since Tuesday, and I slept at his place every night except Thursday. Tomorrow will be the first day in 5 that I won't see him. There has been a lot going on and I'm really glad that he's been a part of it, but tomorrow is my best friend's bridal shower, so there is a lot to be done. We were driving home from the the outing, and a song I really like but don't hear that often came on the radio. I was singing along to it, not loudly, but audibly. Out of nowhere, Mr. Perfect changes the radio station in the middle of the song. I was slightly hurt, but thought maybe he didn't realize that I liked it. I said to him, hey I really liked that song. And his response? "Yeah, I could tell." but kept it on the other station. I was stinging at that point from that response, so when he reached over to hold my hand, I didn't offer it. He could tell I was upset, but didn't turn the radio station back until the song he wanted to listen to was over. I'm not trying to pick a fight with him over the fact that he changed the radio station, in his own car, but it made me start wondering if this could be a small indication on how he will be on other matters. He deliberately changed something that I was enjoying for something that he could enjoy more, with no thought for me at all. Yes, it's small, and if I really wanted to listen to the song, I could go download it in my own time... but that's not really the point. The point is how this could translate into larger matters... like, tv shows, movie choices, possible dinner selections? :) I'm trying to be light hearted, because after the fact, I realize it's pretty trivial.

He text messaged me not long after he got home, and said he was worried I was mad about the radio thing which means he noticed. And I just called him and talked to him about it, and all is worked out.... but it's still the littlest things that make all the difference. It's hard being in a relationship with someone, it's hard to get used to new nuances and quirks, the way someone else's habits clash with your own. It's something I'm learning, after a long time of just doing my own thing, and realizing that as I'm 5 years older than I was in my last long term serious relationship, it's a lot harder to adapt to someone else.

A Break

So most of you have probably noticed the lack of blogging. There has been much going on with Mr Perfect, but oddly enough, I can't find the words that can best express emotion or feeling. For now I'm calling it quits here. I know in the past this has been the kiss of death in terms of relationships. As soon as I say I'm going to stop blogging, the relationship goes horribly wrong and then here I am, back in full swing only a few weeks later. So we'll see. There have been some rough patches with Mr. P, and I very well could be back here before I know it.

But for now good readers, I bid you adieu, and good reading. Sorry for the lack of information, there's lots going on but not much to say....

Tables Turned

After I thought about whether or not I was ready to call it quits with Mr. Perfect, I decided that I was no where near that place, and I didn't want one weekend of bad moods to ruin what we had. So of course, I started getting really paranoid that my bad moods had trickled into his mind, and he was in fact, going to break up with me over dinner on Wednesday. I was out with friends before hand, and since my tires are still not back to normal yet, my friend drove me from school and was going to drive me back to my car before my date with Mr. P. We ran out of time, and rush hour is a bitch, so she drove me straight to the restaurant, and I was late anyway. She asked me if it was going to be a problem for Mr. P to drive me back to my car. I didn't really think it would be, but in my head, I had concocted an entire break up scene already, so I told her I didn't know. She assured me that should he break up with me, she would come back and drive me to my car. I love my friends, they are great. However, I did not need her assistance this time.

When I walked in, Mr. P gave me a weird look and just said, "teacher clothes?" I had forgotten that he had never really scene me in work clothes, so of course I got all self conscious, and apologized immediately for not changing... Then I realized that I don't need to apologize for wearing my work clothes. Just because he can wear jeans to work doesn't mean I can, and doesn't mean that I can't look nice every once in a while! So, I kind of retracted my apology with a statement that was probably meaner than it should have been. When I mentioned that my car was still at school and asked if could drive me back after dinner, his initial reaction was to ask me how far away my school was. I realize that he was just being practical, but seriously, does it matter if it was 10 minutes away or 20? If he wasn't going to drive me back no matter the distance I probably would have been done, unless he had a really good reason. Dinner was ok a little weird but only because I was making it weird. I didn't feel comfortable because I kept thinking he might break up with me, or he was bored or something. He drove me back to my car, and I felt things were better then. He checked on my tires and then I followed him back to his place. I definitely spent the majority of the night being super sweet and trying very very hard not to give him any reason to not want to be with me. This is new for me because I'm usually of the mentality that I shouldn't have to go out of my way for someone just because they may not have liked something I've said/done. Usually I'm pretty secure in my actions, but I realized that I had been acting crazy last weekend and was really scared of what could have come of that. I was going to go home since I didn't have any stuff with me but I spent the night, unplanned, because I fell asleep there. We're starting to get into a very comfortable routine with each other.

I think it's hard to adjust to being in a real relationship after being single for over 3 years. I know I was in a few relationships that lasted a couple of months, but they never really seemed serious. This one feels like something different. I don't know what, but I think I'm past my itchy stage and back into a likable place. He definitely has some nuances and quirks that are going to take me time to adjust to, but he's got way too many good qualities to give up for some itchiness. I think I annoy him just as much sometimes because I definitely have some qualities that can be undesirable. He puts up with mine with little to no irritation, so I really should cut him some slack on his.

7 week itch

It's the 7th week of dating Mr. Perfect, and I'm starting to get a little itchy. Ok, that sounds like I've contracted something that I should see my doctor for... but really, itchy is the best word I can think of. I'm not antsy in the relationship, but just starting to feel like I need to be more independent and spend less time with Mr. Perfect. In the past few weeks we've spent entire weekends together, with very little interaction with other people. I've gotten behind on work, and gym time, and socializing outside of this relationship. I know that I'm just as guilty of wanting to spend as much time together as he is, but I've had this problem once before.

I once dated a guy at length who had virtually no friends, and did not have a group of people that he spent time with. In return, all social time was spent with my friends, but I was left feeling extremely guilty anytime that I wanted to go out on a Friday or Saturday night without him. Mr. Perfect has a select few friends, one of whom I've met, but not a group that he really socializes with independently. It's not a problem yet, but I feel like it's something that may eventually come up.

Also, lately I've been on the slightly crazy side of the spectrum. Blame it on whatever you want, but I've been ridiculously emotional lately. Today I found out the wheels I bought for my new car don't fit, and I'm going to have to buy a whole new set of wheels. I have no idea about anything to do with tires and wheels, and I was really hoping that Mr. Perfect would volunteer to come help me figure it all out. He didn't, and worse yet, didn't call me when he knew I was upset/frustrated about the situation. I would have really appreciated him calling me, just to see if I was ok, and when I eventually called him, he was less sympathetic than I would have liked. This made me even more upset than I already was, and I don't think he handles the emotional side of me very well. This also makes me itchy and start to wonder if maybe 7 weeks is long enough.

We're maybe going to have dinner tomorrow, and I think the emotional tidal wave I'm riding may come crashing down all over him. Unfortunately for him, I don't think he has a clue what's coming.