Sunday, November 13, 2011

The Bridge

The final installment of the dating disaster... I'm sure many readers (ha, I say that like the majority of you aren't involved in my day to day life) are wondering what happened to Brooklyngirl, and more importantly, the Gentleman. I am very happy to say, that as of Friday, 11/11/11 - we are engaged! I am still in shock and couldn't be happier.

It was the perfect proposal, and the perfect ending to this story - back to the borough where it all began. The Gentleman and I traveled up to NYC on Thursday, for a long weekend. I had my suspicions that he was going propose while we were there, but I didn't want to get my hopes up! We had planned on doing something over our long weekend, first we thought about going to Arkansas to visit his extended family, then Boston to visit my sister and her husband, then when neither of those things worked out, we decided to go to NYC for the weekend. That's when things started getting suspicious... We were both off for all 4 days, Thursday - Sunday. I was researching places to stay, and wanted to stay all 3 nights to maximize our time in Brooklyn. There's a lot of things I miss about living there, and visiting never seems long enough! The Gentleman said he only wanted to stay until Saturday, but didn't really have a reason why. That was clue #1. Over the next few weeks, while we were discussing what we wanted to do while we were up there, he mentioned he wanted to visit the Brooklyn Bridge. I was thrilled because I love the bridge, and hadn't walked over it since I lived there, and would love to go back. But he asked me some very pointed questions about the bridge that made me think he wanted to do more than just walk across it to sight see.

Question #1 - Is it loud on the bridge, like, can you have a conversation? #2 Are there places you can stop when you are on the bridge?

Ok, so maybe they aren't dead giveaways, but I definitely started thinking that the bridge was going to be more than just a brief visit on our weekend away. Then he mentioned that he wanted to save Joya (my most favorite Thai food in all the world - the location of many a date in this very blog!!) for Friday night (the same day we were going to the bridge!) and when I asked him if one of my best friends from Brooklyn could join us for dinner, he said he'd rather it be just us. Having a dinner just us wouldn't normally raise my suspicions, if we were celebrating something, but we were just going to Brooklyn to see my friends and favorite places... so why would it be so important to be just us?? I was on the right track for sure. The next clue actually came from my mom. She was going to Boston for the long weekend, and that was the main reason the Gentleman and I decided not to go. So when she tells me that she's no longer going to go visit my sister (who is 9 months pregnant and going to give birth to my first niece, and my mom's first grandchild - any week now) I was suspicious. My mom has been planning this trip to Boston for MONTHS. And she used the excuse that she would be just too tired from traveling the previous weekend to New Orleans, but I didn't buy it.

I obsessed for weeks, trying to decipher any clues that came my way to see if I could actually know for sure it was going to happen when I thought it was. I told many of my close friends, and they all told me not to get my hopes up, and it probably wouldn't happen when I thought it would. The final clue didn't come until just a week before it actually happened, when we were at a party at his sister and brother-in-law's house. We were chatting in the kitchen with some of their friends, when his sister's friend comes into the kitchen across the room from us, sees us, and shouts, "CONGRATULATIONS!" I looked at the Gentleman, he looked at the friend, back at me, and I said, "For what?" and she replied, "Aren't you guys engaged?" I replied that we were not, and the Gentleman made a comment how another person in the party had thought the same thing because of a post he had made on Facebook about a ring (not a wedding ring or anything suspicious at all... but ok....) and we kind of left it at that. I saw him talking to the friend who congratulated us later in the night, privately, but I already had my clue. She knew that we were getting engaged, obviously, and somehow got the date mixed up or information incorrect, and I was now 90% sure it was going to happen in Brooklyn, the following week.

That week was the LONGEST week of my life. I hardly slept. I dreamt about it. And it was pretty much all I could think about. I bought a new outfit. I got a manicure and pedicure, just to be prepared. Thursday, we headed up to Brooklyn, and even though I was almost certain, I had to keep telling myself NOT to be upset if it didn't happen. We spent a great first day in Brooklyn. We spend the day in Williamsburg, eating great food, drinking cool beers, visiting hipster bars and hangouts. It's not a neighborhood I frequented when I lived in Brooklyn, so it was pretty new for us both, and a lot of fun! I actually let him read some of the blog posts about him. (I had told him about the blog in February this past year, but he never really expressed any interest in reading it before.) Thursday was a great day, but of course I was just so anxious for Friday, I couldn't sleep. I woke up around 7, on my day off, showered, got ready, and was ready to go by 10 am. Little did I know that we weren't "scheduled" to be at the bridge until noon. So the Gentleman had to kill some time, but I provided him with a great excuse. My manicure that I had done (ON WEDNESDAY) was completely chipped and looked terrible. It was by far the worst manicure I ever had in my life. I wanted to go to the drugstore, buy nail polish remover, new nail polish and redo my nails myself. The Gentleman argued that buying all that would cost as much as just getting a new manicure (and it would kill some time for him!), so before heading over to the bridge, I got a manicure (that still looks great, btw) and he then realized that I probably had my suspicions, since I NEVER get my nails done. We went for a great brunch at a French cafe, boarded the subway and headed over to the Brooklyn Bridge. As we were going, I noticed him checking his phone a lot, and he seemed to be getting quieter the closer we got. By the time we actually got to the bridge, I was doing ALL the talking. We walked along, and it was a beautiful day so there were a lot of people on the bridge. It was a bit chilly, but I thought it was perfect weather. There are always tons of tourists on the bridge, so I wasn't really paying attention to anyone but the Gentleman, trying to point out landmarks, trying to gauge his level of nervousness. Anytime we stopped to look at something, I was anticipating "The Question." Finally we got down to the second tower of the bridge, closer to the Manhattan side. We were looking over at the Manhattan bridge, and this group of people who had been keeping pace with us for the entire time we were on the bridge stopped right where we were. We walked over to the other side of the bridge, and it happened. At around 12:30 pm, on 11/11/11, the Gentleman got on one knee and proposed on the Brooklyn Bridge. It was perfect. Beyond perfect actually. After he put the ring on my finger (a gorgeous blue diamond in a halo setting of white diamonds!), he introduced the people who had been following us/keeping pace with us the whole time as photographers he hired to capture the moment! It was incredible! We had a mini photo shoot on the bridge, then took some engagement pictures down in the park that has the span of the bridge in the back ground. It was everything I could have wanted. We walked around, took pictures, I stared at the ring, took more pictures, for about 2 hours. By 2:30, we were done, and I still hadn't called a single person to let them know, and I was already exhausted! We were meeting up with a friend of mine at 3:30 in Manhattan (I planned that before I knew what was going to happen that afternoon!), and we got there early, made our phone calls, sent our texts, and let the world know we were engaged! When my friend arrived, we got the 5 star treatment at the restaurant as soon as they found out. No 20 minute wait for our table. Free glasses of champagne. And tons of people congratulating us at the restaurant as the news spread. I was on cloud 9. The night only got better as we celebrated that night at an amazingly cool bar near where I used to live, and of course, dinner at Joya (with my friend there after all!), and our smiles stretching from ear to ear the whole night.

Day 2 of our engagement celebration was a whirlwind as well. We had lunch planned with one of my closest Brooklyn friends before we headed home. We stopped by my parents' house, stopped by a bar to meet up with my brother, traveled to another bar to meet up with another close friend for her birthday, visited my grandmother, and then our final stop of the evening was yet another bar, where the Gentleman had arranged for our families and friends to gather to celebrate our engagement. It was such a great night, complete with celebratory balloons, champagne, and photos of us around the bar where our party took place, it was a party filled with the love of those closest to us, sharing in our greatest joy.

3 days into being engaged, I still stare at my finger in disbelief. I am so excited to plan our wedding, but I am most excited that I have found the love of my life, and we are starting our lives together.

We are thinking January 5th or 12th, 2013, as our wedding date. I can not believe that I am planning a wedding, maybe I will blog about the process! :) Maybe.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Where I'm going.

A new design for the blog, both content and style.

I've been toying with the idea of abandoning the blog for a few weeks now. Things with the Gentleman are going well, I'm happier than I've been in a long time, and I don't think I have anything all that worthwhile to write about anymore. However, part of who I am inherently is a writer, I've always expressed myself best through writing, and I get a great satisfaction out of the written word. I've missed blogging (though I don't miss the bad dates that I would blog about) and always come back to it, even when I'm in a relationship. So instead of quitting, I'm just going to alter the content of the blog until I can figure out where this thing with the Gentleman is going.

I will tell you all though, the cutest story of how he asked me to be his girlfriend, officially. Now, I'll be honest, I've been referring to him as my boyfriend for at least 4 weeks prior to this conversation. I guess in my mind, when you're dating only one person, seeing them multiple times a week, communicating every single day, that person is in fact, your boyfriend - whether the DTR has happened or not. This past weekend, I had a dinner party of Friday at my house. I had my best friend and her husband over, along with my brother and his girlfriend. The Gentleman came over early, helped me in the kitchen (really just kept me company as I cooked), and just fit in seamlessly with my friends and family. He had met my friend and her husband before, but this was a more structured setting than hanging out in a the parking lot after getting some water ice! It was a fairly early evening, which I was grateful for, because I wanted to assure myself some alone time with the Gentleman before he left (we still have not done any overnights). After everyone went home, he graciously offered to help me with my dishes (which were a daunting task - took 2 days to get them done!) but I didn't want to spend precious time with him cleaning up. The dishes would be there tomorrow. As we're on the couch, making out, he stops and looks at me, and asks me if he can talk to me about something. He looked so serious, and sat up, pulling himself away from me. I got nervous because serious talks that need to be had sitting up are usually not the best sign. He starts off by mentioning the fact that we've been dating for 2 months now, how he enjoys spending time with me, and how he'd really like to see where this goes... so would I like to be his girlfriend? So. freaking. adorable. I responded that I thought I already was his girlfriend, and told him that I had been referring to him as my boyfriend for some time now, but of course I said yes.

I'm not going to lie. I like the title. I like knowing that he's my boyfriend. It settles my mind a bit that I know sort of where this thing is going. I feel a bit more relaxed and lot more confident in our relationship. Not that I ever really had great doubts about it, but while I am certain that he knows how I feel about him, he's a bit harder for me to read. It also ups the intimacy level a bit. Saturday we spent the day together - which we never get to do because he usually works during the day Saturday (except he just got a new job and will have a regular work schedule now, I'm so psyched!) but this past weekend he called out sick. We spent a really wonderful day together, and he came back over Sunday night after work. 3 days in a row is a new record. and I could get used to that. Sunday night I decided to up the ante a bit, and let him in on some things about me he didn't know. It was a risk, for sure, and I had no idea how he might respond. By far Sunday night was a sad night, not for anything bad, but we just talked a lot, the mood was much different than in night's past. He gave me the sweetest kiss goodbye, but my mind was already racing with the what-ifs. By the end of the day Monday, I had convinced myself that he wasn't going to want to date me anymore, and I started putting up my guard, downplaying the whole thing to other people.

If anything through this whole relationship I've learned is that I can't let a single crazy thought fester in my mind. It spirals out of control and before I know it, I'm creating self-fulfilling prophecies and the relationship is over. So, I decided to chill. He asked if I wanted to hang out on Tuesday, so we did. Last night was the same as it's always been, the connection was still there, the relationship is still growing. I was making mountains out of molehills, but thankfully this time I had enough sense to stop it, and take it as it comes.

So where do we go from here? One day at a time with the Gentleman is how I like it. I also like when he talks about doing things together in the near future, and sometimes in the distant future. It's enough to let me know that he has no eminent plans on breaking things off, but we're not naming our unborn children either. It's a healthy, steady pace. I remember the days of rushing things and jumping in head first, eyes closed, heart exposed. Those days were riddled with relationship angst. Worry. Wondering about my decisions and other people's actions. Not that this whole thing has been without the worry and wonder, but it's usually very minimal, and so far, 100% in my own head.

What will I blog about now that I'm "in a relationship" (although we didn't make it FB official - it still counts! His actually still says single... not that I stress about that!) There are plenty of ideas bouncing around my head that I can assure you it won't be long until you hear from me again.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


6 weeks ago, I decided I was going to start dating the guys that I chose for myself. I was going to email a slew of guys on match and date only the ones that I had already pre-selected for myself instead of dating the guys who picked me first. But there was just this one guy that had winked at me, and well, I might not have picked him because he was younger than me, or he didn't mention in his profile that he liked some of the things I did, or whatever reason I was using to pick guys, I might have overlooked him (actually I KNOW I would have, because I never searched guys younger than me.) But since he winked at me, just before I set my rule into effect, I figured why not. I emailed him, and then, 6 weeks later, here I am, dating one of the greatest guys I've ever met. If I had been so picky as to not respond to his wink because he was too young or whatever stupid reason I was choosing at the time, I would not be where I am today. And where is that, you might ask, I've been rather absent lately in the blog. But it's not without reason. In the past, I've made the mistake of fixating on every single issue and detail with a relationship. Did he text me enough times? Why didn't he call? What does it mean when he says/does...? Enough already. I'm really very content to not over analyze anything that is going on with the Gentleman. He treats me well, we laugh, we kiss, we are making progress. It's healthy and I'm happy. What else could I ask for?

And the past week has been great. From last week's blog until now, we've seen each other multiple times. It's all pretty much the same. We hang out, I've met a few more of his friends, he met a couple of mine. My friends loved him, and he thought they were awesome. Because they are. He fits. We fit. and while we haven't had the DTR, and I wouldn't refer to him as my boyfriend in front of him... I have been casually referring to him as my boyfriend to others (I hope he doesn't mind.) After 6 weeks, we're still getting to know each other. He surprises me with how amazingly intuitive and aware of me he is.

This reminds me of a book that has been fairly controversial in the dating world. It's called Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. When I first read the title, I shuttered, settling? Isn't that everything I've worked against? If I wanted to settle I would still be with Mr. P, or even yet, I'd be MARRIED to my ex that I lived with who had a crazy family. Why would I ever read a book that was going to tell me to settle?? But, I was at the library, and it was right there in front of me, so I picked it up. And it's not about settling for someone who isn't good enough for you (and Mr. P and the ex I lived with were not good enough!), it's about looking past these "rules" that have no bearing on whether the person you are with is good enough. It would be if I didn't date the Gentleman because he was 2 years younger than me. It would be if I hadn't dated Mr. Perfect because he didn't have a 4 year college degree. It would be if I didn't date my ex that I lived with because he was bald. None of these things have any bearing on how good our relationship was/could be. These are reasons why people choose (and I've been guilty of this before) to not date someone or even respond to an email, because we have these preconceived notions of what we should have in our relationships. I've had a lot of what I thought I should have. And I've had a lot of what I thought I shouldn't have. And when it comes down to it, the should haves and shouldn't haves didn't make a difference in the end. In the end it came down to just one simple thing - does this person make me happy? At the end of all my previous relationships - I can safely say that I was not happy in those relationships, whether they were 2 months long or 2 years long. There was a lack of balance in ALL of my failed relationships. My two longest relationships, Mr. P and the ex I lived with, both break-up conversations started with the exact same sentence "I don't think you're happy in this relationship." (One time I was saying it, the other time it was said to me. Both times were true.) So, when I look back at the guys I could've married, or the guys I've dated, I don't think I've missed out. I don't think I've been too picky and to be honest, I feel like I'm finally on the right track. I'm not saying that the Gentleman is the "one" or anything like that, but I am saying that I've learned from past mistakes, and if nothing else, he makes me happy.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Exit Strategy

There comes a time when you have to make a move. When something has to give. This weekend, unfortunately was NOT that time. The Gentleman and I are still going strong in the date and kiss goodnight area. Yes, the kissing goodnight lasts a great deal longer now than it did before, but I'm at the point where it needs to happen sooner. So I said something. Here's the story:

On Friday night, just a day after our nearly 12 hour date, we had plans to go see Iron Man 2 after I was done work. He had invited me on Wednesday, and had mentioned that we'd be going with his sister and brother-in-law as well. I was fairly nervous about meeting them, especially since he's told me that he's closest with this sister and I'm sure he values their opinion greatly. Not that I was worried about making a bad impression, but remember my previous experience with mothers and sisters isn't the best, and I do want them to like me. I'm pretty confident in my ability to make a good impression, but when it comes to families, I tend to be missing something crucial. I didn't want to mess this up so I definitely tried to grill my friend who knows his sister for some information, but all she could tell me was that they are the nicest couple and that I'll be fine. This didn't really ease my mind too much, but it turns out, she was completely right. We got to the theater after his brother-in-law and sister, and another couple (turns out it was a quadruple date, which was more than I bargained for!) were already waiting in line for seats. I was introduced around and I talked mostly to the Gentleman and his sister as we waited to go into the theater. Once we were in, and figured out the seating arrangements (at one point I was sitting in front of the Gentleman, in a girls in one row, boys in another weird seating arrangement, which just happened that way due to the way we walked into the rows, and that was quickly changed), I was sitting next to the Gentleman in the same row with his brother-in-law. My friend who knows him had mentioned that she thought I would get along really well him because we have very similar tastes in music and other things, and she was dead on. We talked about different beers we like, and music we're into, concerts we've seen/are going to see/want to see, and we did have a lot to talk about. He's going to see some concerts in the next few weeks that I've been really wanting to see, and he invited me to go along, with him and his wife. I think that might be a little weird at this point to go if the Gentleman doesn't go as well, but at the same time, I do really want to go...

The movie was ok, it was entertaining at least. And as we were leaving, I noticed the brother-in-law stop to talk to 2 guys at the end of the theater. Now, I should mention that the Gentleman and his brother-in-law both previously worked at the movie theater we went to and had been talking to people they knew all night - as we waited in line, walked into the theater, etc. I had said to the Gentleman that it was like being with a celebrity, since we could barely walk 10 feet without someone stopping him to say hi or give him a hug. So, I wasn't surprised when his brother-in-law stopped to talk to someone that he recognized on the way out of the theater, except I was surprised to see that I knew this person too... it was the guy who lives with his ex!! This really isn't a big deal, because I had run into him before (but I knew there was a chance I was going to see him when I went to the store where he worked), but we haven't really communicated at all in months. He didn't even notice me until we were all outside, trying to figure out what we were going to do next. He came over and gave me a hug, and we made small talk about the movie. And then he left with his friend. No big deal. I was worried that the Gentleman was going to ask me how I knew him, but he didn't. So, that ended up being a minor freak out on my part for no reason at all.

We went to the diner with the other 3 couples after the movie. It was a good time and I got to see him interact more with other people, which I think is a crucial part of getting to know someone. He still has yet to meet any of my friends, and I think that will be a good side of me for him to see soon. It was fairly late though, and I was fading fast. After no sleep on Wednesday night, and working a really long day on Friday, I was still fairly exhausted. We left the diner pretty close to 2:30, and he drove me home. Instead of just kissing me goodbye in the car, he walked me to my door (because he's a gentleman!!), and we proceeded to say goodbye for half an hour. It was late and he needed to get home, but we were having a hard time just saying goodnight and going. So I asked him what he was doing Saturday night after work, and he said he didn't have plans. So I invited him to come over after he was done working. I thought it was clear that the invitation was to continue where we were leaving off the night before, but maybe I should be clearer in my invitations.

We were texting throughout the day, and he mentioned that he couldn't stay all night, I knew what he meant. He meant there would not be a 3 hour goodbye like there was on Weds. I told him he should plan his exit strategy. This is something we've joked about before. When I'm in his car, the passenger door doesn't unlock automatically. So I have to sometimes unlock it myself, or wait for him. The first few times, I would wait for him to unlock it, until he told me that I could unlock it myself - not that I needed to, but if I wanted to. He wanted me to be able to get out in case of an emergency and it's good to know that I have an exit strategy if I need it. He's mentioned having an exit strategy before, in not parking behind me in my car, and with electrical fires (that's a long story). He's all about exit strategies, except for when it comes to leaving my house.

Saturday night, we met up for water ice at my favorite water ice place, I had built it up as being the best water ice he would ever have, so there was a lot of expectation there. Fortunately, he was a fan, because it is in fact the most delicious stuff ever made. We ate in my car because it was too cold and windy to eat outside, and we of course spent an hour talking in the car as well. We had two separate cars there because he came straight from work so we drove separately back to my place. Once there, we hung out on the couch, watched Betty White host SNL, and to my disappointment did not continue where we had left off the night before. As it was approaching 1:30, he mentioned that he needed to get home, so like the past few nights, this turned into a much longer goodnight than normal. And once we start kissing, I don't want him to leave, and I always end up fairly disappointed when he goes because I think face to face time (literally) is a crucial step to building a relationship that is going to be more than a friendship.

Since I think it's ridiculous and counter productive that we only kiss when it's time for him to go, I decided to say something... sort of. He always ends up staying longer than he wants to, but not wanting to leave, and I certainly don't make it easy for him to leave, so I told him that he needs to start saying goodbye as soon as he gets to my house. This way when he actually does need to go home, he can actually go (and we'll hopefully progress things along since it won't be right before he leaves). I may have mentioned this more than once during the hour we were "saying goodbye" last night. I also tried to get him to consider staying longer, unsuccessfully. I thought it was too dangerous with the wind and all for him to be driving home so late. Not really, but it sounded like a convincing argument. He left around 2:30, and I'll be seeing him again sometime this week.

Despite the stagnancy of the physical aspect, there is definitely progress in the relationship. The more I get to know the Gentleman, the more I like him. And every time we hang out, I learn something new or interesting about him. I'm sure this is a pretty stable way for things to progress, albeit slow. Yesterday was one month since our first date. This is the longest I've ever in my life dated someone and done nothing more than kiss. I'm sure that doesn't say much for me in the past, but it's somewhat refreshing for the present.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

The Longest Kiss Goodnight.

At first it seemed as if this date was going to be yet another same story, different date situation. Of course, this would not have been a problem, because I've come to terms that things will happen with the Gentleman the way that it's supposed to happen. After our date last week, we had texted back and forth all week/weekend. By Sunday, we still hadn't made plans to see each other during the week, and I wasn't going to stress it like I did the previous week. I sent him a text, asking him what he was up to this coming week, and he responded, "Hanging out with you of course..." which led us to make plans for this week, Wednesday night.

We went to dinner at a bar, and then for water ice right by my school afterwards. I need to get used to being near my work during non-work hours, and not convince myself that I will run into a student every single time! I didn't. Thankfully. We sat in his car for a while, talking, then drove back to my house. Once at my house, we sat on the couch and talked for a few hours. Played some bananagrams. And then he was going to leave. Yes, another night where we had a great time and had a lot of fun, but there was no physical action. At 2 AM, we stood awkwardly by each other for a few minutes until finally he leaned in to kiss me goodnight. And we didn't stop kissing about for 3 hours. We moved from the dining room, the couch, the kitchen, and finally the door. And it was a very long goodnight kiss. So I'm blogging this at 5:45, because there's really no point in going to sleep for less than an hour.

I think he planned to take things to the next level this date... for a few reasons. First off, when he made the plans for Wednesday, he suggested going to dinner then coming back to my house. Good sign. Then, when he got to my house, he emptied his pockets. This is something I'm used to guys doing, because it's fairly common practice before you make-out, you don't want your stuff falling all over the place, out of pockets, etc. So that was a good sign, and he definitely sat more openly towards me on the couch. But there was no moves made until just before he was about to leave (or at least that's what he said...) but he hadn't gotten his things back in his pockets yet, and hadn't made any attempt to leave.

He was a complete gentleman the whole time, and while we may be taking it up to a PG-13 level, it's definitely still very slow. While we were playing banagrams earlier in the night, he was taking his time putting his words together (which means he lost) and I was helping him use all his letters by the end of the game, he made a comment about how slow and steady wins the game (which it didn't in this case), and I responded by saying that I had been saying that a lot lately. He also made a comment earlier about how he's a very patient guy. I'm not anticipating this picking up a whole lot of speed in the near future, but it's great to know that things are moving forward, and he's definitely interested.

He invited me to the movies with his sister and brother-in-law for tomorrow night. I'm pretty excited and nervous at the same time. He also mentioned something that I should do with him, which wouldn't until be late summer. It makes me smile that he's clearly thinking I'll be around still then, and planning for me to be a part of things.

Saturday, May 01, 2010

The Gentleman

I am starting to feel a bit like a broken record after these dates... the dates are good, great even. I am having a really good time getting to know this guy, the dates are long and very entertaining. I smile a lot while I'm on these dates, and even more when I'm telling people about them. And it's my own fault for stressing the physical part so much, because it seems like the first thing anyone asks me is about the progress in that area, which I'm no longer sorry to say is still staying slow and steady. It's strange that I've grown to appreciate the end of the date because I know what to expect then. I don't just enjoy the end, but it's definitely something I look forward to! If nothing else, this guy has shown me the value of slowing things down.

We went out on Thursday night after a week of communicating solely through text messages. I have mixed feelings about texting. It's a great way to communicate quickly and effectively, but it always makes me second guess things, and I can spend way too much time analyzing and agonizing over texts that I'm sending or receiving. But, from Thursday of last week until Thursday this past week, we only communicated through texts. And we "talked" everyday, which is a good sign, I know. But of course I'm still highly aware of who texts who first/last/the most, and I know I need to get over, and I'm definitely working on it. He didn't ask to see me until Monday night, and I was getting nervous about how to bring up the topic of hanging out again if he didn't, but thankfully he did. So we planned to go mini-golfing on Thursday night, since it was going to be such a nice night.

Thursday night, he came and picked me up at my house. One thing I love is that he always comes to the door, even if he's not coming in. This isn't something that many guys I've dated before have done, and I think it's so sweet. He's definitely a gentleman (maybe that could be his blog name - the gentleman?? I'll test it out!) and does the little things that when someone doesn't do it, you might not notice or care, but when it is done, it's such a difference! So he picked me up at the door, and I think if I want to breech the physical contact before the end of the date, the beginning of the date is where I should start. I should have given him a hug or something... but I didn't. There's something about his nervousness that makes me nervous and I'm constantly second guessing things that would come as second nature to me. We played mini-golf, and I'm a terrible mini-golfer apparently. He's not much better, but we had a great time regardless of how bad we were doing. We didn't even keep score, thankfully, because I might actually be embarrassed if I knew how badly I actually did. After mini-golf we decided to get some dinner, and drove over to a small Italian restaurant across the street, which of course we stayed at until it was closing and we were the last ones there (we have a habit of doing this...), but it was the same good conversation, with lots of good questions and laughing and I feel like I'm really getting to know him before anything else gets in the way. What a concept. He asked what I wanted to do after we closed out the restaurant, and I invited him back to my house. It was fairly early, but still a school night for me, so I wasn't planning on staying up too late. 4 hours later, when all we've done is talk on my couch and it's nearing 3am, he decided it was probably time to go home. So, we kissed for a few minutes before he left and that's all. Really, it's the same story of every other date with just different activities leading up to the kiss goodnight. The whole date really was great, but if I had to pick a part that I wish would last a bit longer than it does, that would be it. Also, the other areas of the date were fairly long (an 8 hour date - with only 5 minutes of kissing!)

We did have more physical contact while he was at my house. At one point, we were talking about Tarot cards and palm readings for some reason, and he mentioned how he had his palm read once, and he was trying to explain what he remembered from that and of course he had to hold my hand to read my palm, that's a step in the right direction. Also, my dog was acting a bit crazy and jumping all over him, so I had to lean across him and try to get the dog to stop jumping on him... more accidental contact like that... but nothing concrete or intentional. It will happen, I'm sure, I'm just not sure HOW it will happen. Everyone has their ideas and suggestions, and trust me they all run through my mind while I'm in the situation to make it happen, it just doesn't feel natural, and I get nervous, so maybe I shouldn't force it. I do enjoy spending all this time with him, without the physical aspect clouding my opinions of him. I feel like I convince myself I like a lot of guys that I wouldn't normally because it's physically appealing. Keeping it slow and steady definitely eliminates that possibility, and everything I like about this guy is because he is truly someone that I am connecting with on every other level, the physical will happen in good time. He hasn't given me any reason to believe that he's anything but interested in continuing this, so I am willing let go of my own expectations of what "should" be happening by this point in the relationship, and just go with the flow.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The best part.

I have criticized guys I've dated before for being "fast and furious" in the relationship department before. I have mentioned how fast things have moved before I actually wanted them too, or how I wish I could slow things down. Even when Google and I broke up he said that he wondered what would have happened if we had slowed down getting to know each other, and didn't rush into anything. I should be SO grateful right now that I'm dating a guy who wants to take things slow. And is in NO rush to make things physical right away. This is a good thing, I know. I'm enjoying all the time we've been spending together so far. To be honest, we've spent a good amount of time together, we've only been dating for 2 weeks and have had 5 really good dates so far.

This one is different. I don't know what it is, but there is something completely different about the way I am dating this guy. First of all, I'm relatively calm about it all. With the occasional crazy moment aside, I'm doing this however it feels right. Last night I invited him to come over to my house to watch a movie and have some pizza. There were total ulterior motives on my part. I wanted to make this move a little faster, and take the "getting to know you" up a notch. As you may remember with Google, I didn't invite him over to my house for weeks and weeks. I didn't want to wait that long with this one, nor did I see the necessity of waiting for him to plan a night that would put us in a more intimate setting. So, 2 weeks in, I invited him to my house. He got to my house around 8ish, and after me being super self-conscious about everything and apologizing for everything in my house (from my lack of food to my hyper-aggressive dog), he basically told me to stop apologizing for my house/dog/lack of whatever... he didn't care, and it wasn't why he was there - to judge my house. I don't know why I get so crazy self-conscious. My house was clean, it wasn't messy at all. I should have been a bit more confident. We ordered pizza, and I have to say, I'm very impressed that he's trying foods that he has never tried before. When we talked about food on our 3rd date he called himself a dull eater, but on the past 3 dates, he's tried something new every time. We ordered pizza with eggplant on it (which is breaded and fried - so it's not healthy at all!), and at first he was anti-eggplant, since he had never tried it before. I was fine with whatever he wanted to order, I'm really not picky at all when it comes to food. And I didn't want him to get stuck with something he didn't like. But he insisted that we order pizza with eggplant since it's my favorite. We had dinner, some beers, and just sat around and talked for 2 hours. At ten, I suggested putting the movie, and he had me pick from the 6 movies he brought over. I picked the one that he had mentioned was his most recent favorite, since I had never seen it, and it had an interesting sci-fi premise. If I really wanted to make it a better situation for something physical to go down, I should have picked a movie I had already seen and, at the very least, a comedy. But we watched this movie, which was ok, I didn't love it. We watched the WHOLE movie, with little to no physical contact throughout. By the end of the movie we were sitting close enough that we were touching, but not in an intentional way. We stayed on the couch and let the dvd menu loop over and over while we talked for another 3 hours. Yup, just talked. He asked me some interesting questions about my past relationships (he asked if Mr. P had ever lived with me in my house) and if I thought I wanted kids. That one caught me WAY off guard. I stammered and stumbled, and said I didn't know, which is true. I am on the fence about kids. I think eventually I will have one or two, but for now, I can't imagine it because I'm not in that stage of my life. I wonder if he thinks because I'm older, I'm on a different timeline than he is, and wants to get these "crucial" questions out of the way early on! I felt kind of put on the spot, but he basically said the same thing as me, he's on the fence when it comes to kids too. Interesting question for a 5th date when we haven't even kissed so far that night.

So, by 3 am, he had been at my house for 7 hours, and I was practically falling asleep. I had to be up in 3 hours or so for work, and have a youth group convention ALL weekend. It was not the best idea to start this weekend on a sleep deficit. He gets his things to leave, I get him his jacket, and he gets his movies, and it's just... well... awkward for lack of a better term. At this point we had hung out for so long without any real contact, how was this going to end? I walked him to my door, and then out the door he stops on my porch and turns to me. I went outside still not sure how we were going to part, and he says, "wow, I'm so awkward." Which, maybe he is when it comes to making a move, but it's kind of endearing. And then we kissed goodbye, it was a long and lingering kiss, like all the ones before. It feels like it's getting more intimate with the kissing, I just wish it would happen a bit sooner in the date. I like kissing him, and wouldn't mind doing a bit more of it. For all the socially awkward guys I've dated before, and let's be honest, there have been a SLEW of them, this guy is the LEAST socially awkward. But when it comes to being able to make a move, he takes the cake.

I think this is going to have to be my move. Clearly inviting him over for dinner and a movie wasn't enough of a gesture to let him know that I want more than just a kiss goodnight. Besides this one thing, it's pretty amazing. We have a good time together, can talk for hours, laughter comes easy. Why do I want to rush it? I should take this slow and steady and recognize something good when I have it. Getting to know someone you like is the best part of the beginning and moving too fast has only messed things up in the past, taking things slow may just be the change I need.