Sunday, January 27, 2008

Fool Me Once.

Well, it seems I have jumped to conclusions with the new guy. There will be no DTR this weekend, and no need for a blog name because I'm done. (Thanks for all the suggestions though! I think I should have a blog name contest for the next guy who needs one!)

We originally had plans to hang out on Saturday as I had mentioned in the previous post. By Friday night, I hadn't heard from him at all since Wednesday, so I sent him a text that just said, 'still on for tomorrow?' I didn't hear back from him Friday night or Saturday morning. Around noon, on Saturday I got a text that said that he had to work and get his stuff together for an unexpected trip to DC. Ok... so it's probably not a lie, and I'm sure he had a lot of work to do. I'm still dealing with the fact that I'm so jaded from CK that I automatically disbelieve everything that is told to me. It's not that I think he's lying, and he might be, but it's more that he texted me the day of the planned date. If he had a trip to DC, then he probably found out about it on Friday at the latest, and could have called or texted me before I had to inquire if we were still in fact on for that day. And even if he did for some reason find out about it on Saturday, then he should have called to tell me. Anyway, I decided, though, to give him the benefit of the doubt and not completely write him off yesterday. I chalked a lot of my initial anger and upset to the fact that I was having a really awful day. I had yet another flat tire on my less than 4 month old car, and went to go get the tires checked out once and for all. I waited around for an hour and half, only for the mechanic to tell me that there was nothing they could do for me because there was no relock key and they refused to blow the lock off the tire because they didn't want to be responsible for any damage done to my car. I also found out that my checking account has been compromised and someone has my routing and account numbers and is using it sign up for adult services websites. Awesome. So now I have to deal with changing my entire account over, and making sure I include to transfer everything that is connected to that account. And never use my checking account for anything again, because clearly the internet is an unsafe place.

So basically, my day yesterday sucked. Thankfully, I have great friends who took me out and got me drunk on wine, and all is good in the world again. Today, still deciding that this new guy needs a chance to redeem himself or at least prove that he's man enough to tell me he's not interested in person, I decided to call. I left a very friendly voicemail, just asking him how his weekend was, that I had been looking forward to seeing him this weekend, and maybe we'd hang out when he got back from DC. I have heard nothing back from him. Yes, it's only been a couple of hours since I called, but after 3 years of serial dating, the signs are pretty clear, pretty fast. Of course, when you're waiting for news from one guys, old ones resurface. That's right... who of all people texted me today? CK. No worries, I'm not getting back into that. But I find it so ironic that as soon as I'm wanting to hear from someone else, others resurface. It's like a scent they can detect or something.

Back to square one. I'm bummed that things didn't work out with this guy, but at least I know early enough that I wont be scarred like others have done. I've been here enough over the past few years, but when I look at where I was a year ago, just meeting the Israeli... and dating the acupuncturist, and 2 years ago with my ex who was unemotionally available and I should never have dated, and 3 years ago when I was single and happy... I think I'm glad to be back where I first started. Again, I'm swearing off dating for now... but that never lasts. I'm sure I'll be back in the scene in no time.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Just dinner.

I think I may be in the beginning stages of a relationship with the new guy. I'm pretty sure he's interested in pursuing a relationship, and it seems to be heading in that direction. I'd be happy to hang up my dating hats, and be with this one guy. The more time I spend with him, the more I enjoy his company, the more attracted I am to him.

Tonight we just went to dinner. We met up around 6:30, and then he told me that he had to work from home tonight so he wouldn't be able to stay out late. However, he did invite me to come hang out with him while he worked. We split 2 appetizers, and a meal, and a few beers (the beers were not shared). We talked and held hands across the table. We were cheesy and people probably thought we were lame, and it was really nice. We have plans for Saturday night. It will be the 3rd time in one week that we're going out, so that to me says more than dating... but we're not there yet. The DTR may be just around the corner... within a week or so, maybe less.

When it was time to go, he walked me out to my car and kissed me goodbye before heading back to do some work. I sent him a text thanking him for dinner, and he texted me back, and we got into a bit of a text message conversation. I felt bad because I felt like I was keeping him from his work, but my theory on texts is that there is always the option not to respond. I kept responding to his texts and, in my mind, if he were really busy with work, he could text me back in an hour or tomorrow or whenever he was done with whatever it is he's doing. Eventually, he just called me, and we spoke for about 10 minutes about how he's not getting anything done anyway, so he should just come over here. My powers of persuasion are lacking. He said he'd call me tomorrow, and I'm sure he will. I don't have any reasons to doubt him or mistrust him.

Things are progressing nicely. Not too fast, nothing too serious. I need to keep reminding myself to keep the bitter negative sarcasm to myself, at least until he gets a better picture of where that stems from (which hopefully, he never will). I don't want to come off as needy or overbearing, so I play the opposite. I'm sure that doesn't do any better for my case. Plus, I still can't think of a name for him. Initials seem to lack his personality, I want something original. I'll probably think of it when I blog the last date we have. Ahhhh, cynicism.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Jaded

I am jaded. I hadn't realized my negativity towards dating until I very nearly ruined a good thing. Last night was date #2 with the Quizzo guy from last Monday. He called me 2 days after our date last week, and had wanted to set up a date for this past weekend. But as I mentioned before this past weekend was the annual camping weekend, so the date had to be postponed until after the weekend. We arranged to possibly go out on Monday night when I came back from the Poconos. We talked on the phone Saturday night while I was away and confirmed plans for last night.

The whole date felt like it could have potentially taken place 10 years ago when I was in high school. He picked me up at my house, which is something I haven't had a guy do in a very long time (not counting the last time that CK and I went out - because I don't count that) and we drove over to the movie theater. He had to stop at the coffee shop nearby for some internet use, for something he had to do for work. I was expecting him to take out his laptop and ignore me while he worked, but he was really cool about it. He showed me what he was doing, and even though I didn't fully understand all that he was telling me about supply and demand, it was kind of interesting. It was a small gesture, but it was so open, and I had realized how closed off CK had actually been until something as small as showing me an email and a database from work made me feel closer to this guy on a certain level than I had ever been with CK.

We went to dinner at a great sushi place and then to the movie afterwards. It was still a little awkward physically between us because I don't think either of us knew how the other one was feeling. We eventually moved into a cuddly position during the movie, with his arm around me, and my arm on his leg. Very comfortable, very natural, the whole time. After the movie, he drove me back to my place. We made out in my car for a while sitting parked in the driveway of my parents' house. At one point he made a comment about how he was kind of nervous that my dad was going to come out and bang on the windshield or something. I told him not to worry, my dad isn't the kind of dad to bang on windshields. Besides, at 27 after having lived with a guy before for over a year, and on my own in the city for over two, my dad is going to have to come to terms with the fact that I may kiss a boy or two in the driveway of his house. My date mentioned that he will definitely be the type of father to bang on the windshield of his daughter's car if she is ever making out in the driveway. I didn't want to get into the discussion of my ideas of how I will or will allow my non-existent children to kiss their non-existent boy/girlfriends, so the topic was dropped, quickly. We made out for quite a while, and finally, he really had to go because he had to work early this morning. After we said a rather long goodbye, he left. I noticed as he pulled out of the driveway that his lights were off, and I wanted to send him a text to tell him to turn them on. As I looked for my phone in my bag, it was no where to be found. I was sure that I had it when I left the movie theater and in the car as well. The only logical thing was that it had fallen out in his car.

I tried calling the phone a few times, but it was on vibrate, and I doubt he would have answered it anyway. I had to look up his phone number in my cell phone account under the most recent billing section, and call him from my parents' home phone. I must have called 3 times (left 1 message, explaining the unknown number and why I was calling) before I got a hold of him. He offered to turn back around and bring me my phone, but I didn't want him to have to come all the way back here. He had driven a good portion of the afternoon from North Jersey, and then drove me around all night, so I went to his place. The only thing I was really worried about was him looking in my phone at my sent/received text messages. Not that I don't trust him (or do, he's given me no reason to trust him or not)... but if I were in that situation, I can't promise I wouldn't sneak a peak at them. I got to his house and was expecting him to just give me my phone, and I'd be going home. But of course he invited me in, and gave me the tour of his house. We made out in the hallway and then in his bedroom for about an hour until it really was getting very late, and I had to get home. We made plans to see each other on Wednesday (tomorrow at this point), and he said to me as I was leaving that he'd give me a call. For some reason, and I still can't figure out why I said this, I said, oh sure, I'll hold my breath - very sarcastically.

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew that I should not have said that. He responded with a completely justified and puzzled, what?? And I apologized, blamed it on my extreme tiredness and the fact that we had been sarcastically bantering for the majority of the evening. I am so jaded from dating at this point, I can't stop myself from saying something that I wasn't even feeling at the time. I beat myself up over it for most of the day, and I'm not sure that he even cared that I said it. My friends blame it on CK, and say that I'm punishing this new guy for CK's actions. I think it goes back further than CK. I've been dating, really, for over 3 years at this point. And yes, there were some short lived relationships in there, nothing past 5 months, and each one of them brought down a notch in my belief that guys are honest and don't have ulterior motives in their behavior.

Hopefully, tomorrow's date is still on. A blog name for him hasn't struck me yet, for now he'll just be the new guy. He's really everything I've looked for these past 3 years (despite being a bit shorter than me - something I can live with), and seems to want similar things. I'm hoping I don't screw this up royally.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Mmmm... brains

Maybe I'm on a lucky streak? 2 good dates in a row? With 2 different guys? This is something completely unheard of. I'm sure it has something to do with the awesome new shoes I've been rockin' all week (please note the pink elephant located on these sweet shoes)!

Regardless of my fancy footwear, which my date did compliment tonight, it was another fairly spectacular event. Not as intricate in the details as last night, but still a really good time overall. I met up with this guy in Philly. He lives near the art museum so we decided to meet near there at a local coffee shop. It was very cool, and we were pretty comfortable with each from the get-go. We had a lot to talk about, which isn't surprising to me, but it was in the aspect that I didn't feel like we talked about date type things. There was very little small talk, and a lot of deep discussion going on. I felt like he was someone I could talk to for hours.

We had coffee, and talked for nearly 2 and half hours and we really talked about everything ranging from politics to music to marriage (not between us of course, just the idea of it in general). It was natural and very non-date like. I had a large cup of coffee, on top of the excessive amounts of caffeine I had already consumed today, I talked a blue streak. I don't think he minded too much, he seems like the good listener type. I did apologize a few times for the amount that I was dominating the conversation, but he claimed he was very interested in what I was saying. And I really believe him. He asked me plenty of questions about myself, and I did the same. There was a natural give and take of the conversation. I know it's not the longest date I've ever had, and usually anything clocking in under 3 hours I usually write off as not enough time to make a good judgment call. However, because this date was just coffee, and no meal or activity to distract from the conversation, I will chalk it up to a pretty successful date. We parted ways around 8:45, so exactly 2.5 hours. The goodbye was a little awkward, he mentioned that he had been really nervous about the date prior, but had a really good time. I agreed and he said that he'd give me a call. No hugs, no kisses, nothing physical at all. I'm ok with that, because it wasn't that kind of date. I hope he calls. Whether he will or not, I'm not sure, but at this point I'm glad just to be dating intelligent people again (not that CK wasn't smart, we just never really had any conversations that struck me as intellectual), and getting my brain back into this dating business. I've decided I'll take brains over brawn any day of the week.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Independence Day

Well, I'm back to dating. And I'd like to put my old dating habits behind me. You know, not overload my weeks with dating different guys. Except that's exactly what I did. The next week or so is just a busy week for me to begin with. This weekend is the time where I go camping with my friends (camping = renting a huge cabin in the Poconos, complete with fireplace and jacuzzi, drinking and playing games all weekend), so I'll be gone from Friday right after school until Monday. Thursday my mom and grandma are leaving for Florida so we're going to be having a dinner on Wednesday night. Thursday night is my training night at the gym, so that left only tonight and tomorrow open for dating.

Tonight's date went well. I'd be even so bold as to say that it went very very well, but I don't really want to jump the gun on this one. He had IMed me before on Jdate, and since I had been so caught up in the whole CK thing, I pretty much gave him the run around. I never said that I wasn't interested, but I was always very busy, just in case he asked me out I wouldn't have to tell him I was really dating someone else. Last night he asked if he could call me on his drive home from his parents' place in north jersey, and I wasn't doing much, so we ended up talking on the phone for over an hour. I really hate doing that before a date because it leads to false expectations I think. We decided to go out tonight (because it was the only night this week I had left... either tonight or next Wednesday!). I wanted to go to this cute diner/restaurant in Collingswood, and since he doesn't live far from there we decided to meet there. I warned him that I am frequently late, and he claimed that he's usually on time. Well, reverse that. He got stuck in a back up on the Ben Franklin that made him almost a half hour late and I was actually early, plus he got lost coming over the bridge and I had to call my friend to help get him there.

Once we got there, it really wasn't awkward at all. We had dinner, and shared a milkshake (2 straws and everything), he shared well... and I like that. We made easy conversation, and as far as I know, he has no girlfriend in Canada. About halfway through the date, we notice that they are setting up some sort of Karaoke machine on the table behind us. Thinking that we're going to be subjected to awful, out of tune renditions of Living on a Prayer, I almost suggested we get the check and go. Glad I didn't. Turned out to be Quizzo. Whoohoo. We made a pretty awful team at first (we were Team Salt - we got props for our classy name). He came around to my side of the booth, and we did the "same side" thing for the rest of the evening. We sucked at Current Events, round 1, scoring only 1 measly point, putting us in dead last. The next round was songs with numbers in the title, I kicked ass on this one, and he contributed to a few, but unfortunately we were still in dead last. The third round was Science Fiction which focused most of its questions on SciFi movies from the 80s, 90s, and today. He knew just about ALL of them. At this point, I think we moved into 2nd to last place, over Team OMG (they should've lost for a lame name anyway). The last round of questions was all about rain forests, and we did ok on that one, good enough to retain our status of 2nd to last. Now that it was time for the wager, we decided to go all in. Couldn't hurt us much, and if we didn't wager anything, we'd still lose anyway. The category was Hollywood promo stints. We both thought we were done for. The question - What 1996 movie was the first movie to air a commercial during the Superbowl and is the top 18th grossing moving of all time? (Or something like that) We hemmed and hawed over this for a few minutes. The answer I wasn't 100% sure of, but we took a guess on Independence Day (my suggestion). We were right, and ended up tying for second place overall. We got a $15 gift certificate to the restaurant, which was pretty sweet. He allowed me to keep the gift certificate, which was nice considering he had already paid for the entire meal. The wait staff and Quizzo folk were practically falling over us, gushing about how wonderful it was that we won on our first time here and now how we definitely need to come back again. It was kind of a strange/awkward way to leave things because we hadn't discussed if we would be doing something again.

After we left, we had to go to his car first so I could give him directions on how to get back to his place. We kissed in his car for a little bit, and it was a nice end to a really fun date. It wasn't the typical date that I'm used to, and I think I could get used to this.

Date tomorrow night, different guy.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Honest to Blog.

Ended things with CK last night. My day went from good and happy to raging mad to sad and done with it all. Here's how it all panned out. I sent CK a text message in the middle of the day, thanking him for coming out to Jersey, asking how his day was going... blah blah blah. Didn't hear back from him, and then proceeded to do some facebook research, and found pictures of the BFPE in Philly. On New Year's Day. AT THE MUMMERS' PARADE. I lost my shit. Completely. I went through all the stages of rage in a matter of moments (how many stages of rage are there? Is it like mourning? 6 stages? rage, more rage, extra extra rage, disbelieving rage, unadulterated rage, and I'll castrate you rage.) So, saying I was mad might be an understatement. Everything from the previous weeks clicked, with him having to "work" so much, not returning my texts, being inexplicably busy during New Year's. Rage. Pure Rage. I wanted to call him right then and there, tell him off and get it over with. I had sane rational friends with me at the time, and they talked me out of it.

I spent the rest of the evening agonizing and antagonizing the situation. I spent the entire afternoon/evening with friends just to keep from doing something irrational (that and my friend has Rock Band, and it kicks ass). I decided I had to do something before the girlfriend "came" (as if she hadn't already been here) or else I'd really regret it. So I sent him a text, just seeing how the rest of his day was. This was just the goad to get him to text me back. He replied that his day was fine, how was mine? I texted back "We need to talk." I think that is the most dreadful text anyone could send, but the only other thing I could think of to text was "LIAR!" (think: Carol Kane in Princess Bride). So we talked, and it was awful. First of all, he denied that she was even here. At all. And all I'm thinking is... well, I was looking at pictures. and I know they can do a lot with technology today... but seriously. She was here. On the streets of Philadelphia. And if he didn't know about it, well then that relationship is a lot weirder than I thought. But he stuck to his guns. He swore up and down that he KNEW she was not here. And I was not about to admit that I was stalking (ehm. researching) her on Facebook, so I said that I had a friend who had a friend at UArts who knew his gf, and mentioned that she had in fact been here on the 1st. I HAVE SEEN PICTURES. It's true. I would post them here, but that would ruin the poor girl's anonymity, and besides some of you might be eating or something when you read this, I don't want to cause any bodily harm to anyone. (that was low, yes, and it's not her fault her bf is a moron, but here lies a woman scorned... and my one friend did almost throw up when she saw the picture.)


So CK and I ended up talking in circles for about an hour or so. And finally it came down to this:

Me: I want to be with someone who wants to be with me.
CK: (getting defensive) if that's what you want to believe, then fine.
Me: I don't hear you denying it.
CK: I want to be with you most of the time. (meaning not when I'm being emotional or talking about what I want in this relationship)
Me: Well, that's not good enough for me, I want someone who wants to be with me all of the time.
CK: Why don't you take the week to think about things, figure out what you want.
Me: I don't need a week. I don't want to do this anymore.

And that was pretty much it. The BFPE is supposedly here, but who knows. It seems silly to me that she was in Philly... and then went back to Canada (and I do know - thank you facebook - that she did go back), just to come back to Philly for a week? Nonsense. But at least I'm done with this for good. I can't believe this dragged on so long. Not sure how long it will be between now and my next date, but hopefully I'll have something of interest to post soon enough.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Not Holding My Breath and Not Smiling.

It had been almost 2 weeks since I had seen CK before tonight. We had very minimal communication over the past 2 weeks as well. A few text messages here and there, and one phone conversation where he told me about the BFPE's impending visit. She is coming this Wednesday and staying through the following Tuesday. I actually think her timing couldn't be better. I have a busy weekend planned and will be spending most of my weekend in Philly anyway for a library convention (Yes, exciting). I wonder what CK would do if I asked him if I could park in his driveway while she's there. Hmmm.

Anyway, I was getting pretty fed up with CK's schedule of not being able to see me, and I resolved that if I did not see him before the BFPE came into town, I was done. For good. As it is, I think I'm resolving myself just to friendship with him for now. Once the BFPE leaves, that is. A lot of people have questioned my judgment on this and really, I need friends with some common interests at home. I have plenty of friends, but none that like the same music or want to see the same movies (case in point - tonight). So, I don't want to rid myself of his presence completely just yet.

Tonight CK actually drove out to jersey and we went out on this side of the river. I knew that this meant there would be no making out or sleepovers, but as I'm trying to do the friend thing... I'm ok with that. We went to dinner at a Thai food place, and of course, it was disappointing. I have yet to find good Jersey Thai. I am of the impression that it does not in fact exist. We had about an hour and a half to kill before the movie, so we went over to Target and shopped for some stuff he needed. It was one of those couplely things that people do, and I didn't like it very much. It seemed to completely contradict everything I was going for in the friendship aspect. The movie (Juno) was great, and everyone who recommended it to me was dead on. The only awkward parts I felt were the sappy moments where they are talking about what love is, and how you know if you've found it. Whatever CK and I have, it is NOT love. It's hardly like most of the time. I wanted to kind of pull my hand away from him and inch my leg out under his hand... it just felt awkward to be cuddling while people were discussing the meaning of love worth living for. Whatever that means anyway. I spend most of my time hating CK, and bitching about him. Because I see him so infrequently, it's very easy to do. I will get caught up in the romance of it for a moment and then as the days pass, I gradually move back into hating him.

I don't think I'll have to wait a few days for this one. When we were about 2 minutes from my house, he felt the need to remind me that the BFPE was coming on Wednesday. I told him I knew, and that after that, we'd go back to being friends. And he replied, for a little while at least. As if I'm going to get back together with him because he's so irresistible? I said, we'll see when we get there. As we got to my house there was a rather quick goodbye which consisted of a kiss on the lips, reminiscent of our earlier days of dating, and he said he'd talk to me in about a week. I looked at him and said, C____, I'm not going to hold my breath. And then I walked out. It was kind of a dramatic goodbye, and it felt really good. At least I have that to carry me over until the next time. Whenever that should be.

In other news of guys I no longer like... my school crush observed me today. Yes, he is my supervisor, so he does observe me for my job. It was a terrible lesson, and I felt like it was probably the worst display of teaching ever presented. I could tell he didn't want to be too harsh on me, and the actual paperwork was ok. However, I did get one comment that did not strike me as being too kind... he said that I should consider smiling more. I don't think that's a legit recommendation, I'm not a smiley teacher. That's just how I am, and I don't think that should be held against me. I have my post-op with him tomorrow, so we'll see. Maybe the combination of CK, the BFPE, and the crush all colliding at one time will be enough to rattle the universe and get some good drama up in here again.