I was bored this past week, CK went away to Boston, and I've been thinking... really, this whole girlfriend thing is lame. And I can do better. Way better. So I decided what this last week of the year needed was a date. End the year right. So I did just that. I met a guy online, we had great email communication, and I was really looking forward to meeting him in person. We planned to meet up for drinks on Sunday night. Of course because I had been so looking forward to it, it was doomed from the start. Disappointment abounds. I knew I should not have gotten my hopes up.
From the start, I was disappointed. He was less attractive than the picture he sent, which wasn't anything to write home about in the first place. Also, in the picture it was hard to see how tall he was or what his build was. Turns out he's a bit taller than me, and small framed. Not bad, but not good either. I had taken a risk and wore my heels that are pointy toed and about 2 inches. I was about even in height with him, but because I'm a bigger build, it just made me feel huge. I thought that could be worked out if we had really good chemistry. I've dated small guys before, and it's worked out. We were going to go to a bar on 2nd street around Chestnut, but apparently it's closed. So, we took a walk over to a bar that this guy thought was on the corner of 3rd and Spruce. It wasn't. 3rd and Spruce came and went, we ended up turning down Pine. Now CK lives on Pine, and all I'm thinking was, damn, I should've parked in his driveway and saved myself all this walking. The bar was past 2nd and Pine... so really, we walked way out of our way to get there, and it was rainy and cold out. Also, this guy was a brisk walker. Now, I like to walk at a fairly quick pace. I lived in the city for 2 years, I'm not going to be meandering down the street at a leisurely pace, especially in the rain. But I did have heels on, and I was doing my best to keep up. The quick walker though wanted to keep the lead. He walked a good 2 or 3 steps ahead of me at some times, and I honestly thought if CK hadn't been in Boston, I would've just turned around and go to his place.
We got to the bar, which turned out to be less of a bar and more of a fancy restaurant, and ordered some beers. We had really strained, not connected conversations for about an hour and a half while we drank the beers. If I thought this date was going to be a cure for my boredom, I was wrong, it was only increasing my desire to drink through the pain. Thankfully, my friends from school were at a bar in Old City not far from where we were supposed to be originally, and I told him that I had to go meet them. We each paid for our own drinks (there wasn't even an offer on his part), and we walked back down to Chestnut. Of course the entire time, he was still trying to outwalk me, practically running ahead of me. I wasn't going to risk slipping in the rain in my heels, I am not the most coordinated of people - plus I started working out with a trainer again this week so my muscles could give at any moment's notice.
I ran into one of my work friends on my way from the date to the bar, and when she asked me how the date went I told her that I would take a guy with a girlfriend hands down, so long as I don't have to do any more dates like this one. Yeah, it was that bad that it made me think, hmmm maybe this thing with CK isn't SO bad.
Fortunately, the bar had some good things in store. My friend's friends from high school also came out, and one of the guys there got to talking with me. He was funny, and probably really drunk, but we spent a good while talking and laughing, and it restored my hope again that I will not have to settle for dating a guy who has a girlfriend. I don't think anything will come of this friend of a friend, but it was nice to meet him and be reminded that interesting men that are not taken still exist. As for the quick-walker, I hope to never hear from him again. He'd have to be pretty dense to think that there was any chance there.
My last date of 2007, not so great.... but will there be better in store for 2008? Let's hope.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Holiday Cheer
Happy Holidays! However, I'm kind of over the whole holiday season this year, I'm ready for 2008. Last night I spent Christmas Day with CK. He had to work during the day, so the plan was to get some dinner later in the afternoon. I headed over in the evening to his apartment, and things were as per usual. We spent a little bit of time in his apartment. He gave me yet another mix cd, and a little present (a candle) that he had picked up sometime during the past week. I guess I should be glad that he's thinking about me, and making these little efforts to show me he cares, but I was rather ungrateful - and I think my exact response when he told me had gotten me another little something was "why?" Anyway, it was a nice gesture all in all.
We went to Chinatown for dinner, because really what else are two Jews going to do on Christmas for dinner. We did try to go to a Middle Eastern restaurant but that was closed, of course. After much driving around and walking into PACKED restaurants, we did find one not on the main stretch of restaurants. There wasn't a wait, and the menu seemed good enough (seriously, it's Chinese food - how bad could it be?). Actually the restaurant we went to was a Burmese restaurant but it tasted the same. Dinner was nothing short of awesome. We split two dishes, had some good Chinese beer (as per CK's recommendation - he had it in China), and discussed books, music, and just life in general. Things at dinner we good. If I could freeze the date right there and have it remain that way, I would.
We went back to his place, smoked a little, played some Wii, and made out for a while. Maybe it was my slight lack of inhibitions due to the weed (I hadn't smoked in years before last night), but I brought up New Year's, even though I knew he had already told me he wouldn't be able to make it to Brooklyn. He was flying in from Boston on the 31st around 7pm, and didn't want to go up to Brooklyn. Understandable... for most people. I took this as a sign that he just clearly does not want to be with me. I also invited him to come "camping" (in a Troop Beverly Hills kind of way) with my friends next month. I had been very hesitant to extend this invitation because the camping trip is made up of a select group of my best friend's friends and their significant others. It is rare that anyone who is not a very significant other is invited basically because if you attend camping one year as a s.o., you are expected to still be in the picture the following years. I have NEVER brought anyone to camping despite dating someone over this weekend the past 2 years. My friend asked me to invite him, and I do want him to go.... but he said no. I really got angry at him and we had what I guess you could consider our very first fight.
I basically told him that I was sick of him using me, although I couldn't really figure out what he was using me for (we don't have sex that often - nor is it worth being used for), and that after 3 months, I needed to know what I was doing. Of course, we can't have this conversation without the BFPE being brought up. He actually referred to her as the elephant in the room, and I replied, yeah, the Big Fat Pink Elephant... and then kind of laughed and he looked at me all crazy, but I didn't care. I still thought it was funny. He was really defensive at first. I told him I thought his relationship with the BFPE was silly, because really how often can they see each other, and (what I didn't say - but should have) that she's clearly interested in women, and he will never be what she wants (unless he becomes a woman?). He was angry at first, and I could see that we wouldn't get anywhere if I bad-mouthed her. I changed my tune then to basically explain that I've been extending my kindness and friendship to him, and I will stop if it is not appreciated/reciprocated/responded to appropriately. I also told him that in all intents and purposes, I am in this relationship as a relationship. I'm not dating anyone else. He needs to be honest with me about when he is going to be seeing the BFPE, and that I really need to be able to ask questions about her/them/the situation when I see fit - and he needs to be honest with me about it.
This is what I've found out: She is coming in January. She was supposed to be coming this week, and he did tell me that he wasn't planning on telling me. They don't talk as much as they used to, only once or twice a week. And I'm not sure over what medium they communicate (text, IM, phone). They have no plans for the future (I knew this). She is in school, finishing up this year, trying to decide where to go for grad school. That may or may not include Philadelphia. If it does, and she moves back here - they would get back together exclusively (this is the part that confused me) possibly, but they may not (Maybe the fact that she likes girls is hindering this decision?).
The whole evening had a quesy unsettling feeling about it. He did tell me that he and I are in a relationship, whatever that means. He went away to Boston for the rest of the week/weekend. I need some time to process what all of this is going to be. He also said he's going to make more of an effort when it comes to treating me like a friend and being a part of my life (he's going to try to come to camping at least one of the days). It's not as trite as this all sounds, although it's one of those conversations that puts a huge damper on the rest of the night. We just went to bed after that. In the morning before he left, things were fine. As I was walking to my car way too early on a day that I don't have to work (but of course he did), he called out that he was going to miss me. I just smiled and waved, and got into my car. I don't do conversations before 8 in the morning.
I'm ready for this year to be over.
We went to Chinatown for dinner, because really what else are two Jews going to do on Christmas for dinner. We did try to go to a Middle Eastern restaurant but that was closed, of course. After much driving around and walking into PACKED restaurants, we did find one not on the main stretch of restaurants. There wasn't a wait, and the menu seemed good enough (seriously, it's Chinese food - how bad could it be?). Actually the restaurant we went to was a Burmese restaurant but it tasted the same. Dinner was nothing short of awesome. We split two dishes, had some good Chinese beer (as per CK's recommendation - he had it in China), and discussed books, music, and just life in general. Things at dinner we good. If I could freeze the date right there and have it remain that way, I would.
We went back to his place, smoked a little, played some Wii, and made out for a while. Maybe it was my slight lack of inhibitions due to the weed (I hadn't smoked in years before last night), but I brought up New Year's, even though I knew he had already told me he wouldn't be able to make it to Brooklyn. He was flying in from Boston on the 31st around 7pm, and didn't want to go up to Brooklyn. Understandable... for most people. I took this as a sign that he just clearly does not want to be with me. I also invited him to come "camping" (in a Troop Beverly Hills kind of way) with my friends next month. I had been very hesitant to extend this invitation because the camping trip is made up of a select group of my best friend's friends and their significant others. It is rare that anyone who is not a very significant other is invited basically because if you attend camping one year as a s.o., you are expected to still be in the picture the following years. I have NEVER brought anyone to camping despite dating someone over this weekend the past 2 years. My friend asked me to invite him, and I do want him to go.... but he said no. I really got angry at him and we had what I guess you could consider our very first fight.
I basically told him that I was sick of him using me, although I couldn't really figure out what he was using me for (we don't have sex that often - nor is it worth being used for), and that after 3 months, I needed to know what I was doing. Of course, we can't have this conversation without the BFPE being brought up. He actually referred to her as the elephant in the room, and I replied, yeah, the Big Fat Pink Elephant... and then kind of laughed and he looked at me all crazy, but I didn't care. I still thought it was funny. He was really defensive at first. I told him I thought his relationship with the BFPE was silly, because really how often can they see each other, and (what I didn't say - but should have) that she's clearly interested in women, and he will never be what she wants (unless he becomes a woman?). He was angry at first, and I could see that we wouldn't get anywhere if I bad-mouthed her. I changed my tune then to basically explain that I've been extending my kindness and friendship to him, and I will stop if it is not appreciated/reciprocated/responded to appropriately. I also told him that in all intents and purposes, I am in this relationship as a relationship. I'm not dating anyone else. He needs to be honest with me about when he is going to be seeing the BFPE, and that I really need to be able to ask questions about her/them/the situation when I see fit - and he needs to be honest with me about it.
This is what I've found out: She is coming in January. She was supposed to be coming this week, and he did tell me that he wasn't planning on telling me. They don't talk as much as they used to, only once or twice a week. And I'm not sure over what medium they communicate (text, IM, phone). They have no plans for the future (I knew this). She is in school, finishing up this year, trying to decide where to go for grad school. That may or may not include Philadelphia. If it does, and she moves back here - they would get back together exclusively (this is the part that confused me) possibly, but they may not (Maybe the fact that she likes girls is hindering this decision?).
The whole evening had a quesy unsettling feeling about it. He did tell me that he and I are in a relationship, whatever that means. He went away to Boston for the rest of the week/weekend. I need some time to process what all of this is going to be. He also said he's going to make more of an effort when it comes to treating me like a friend and being a part of my life (he's going to try to come to camping at least one of the days). It's not as trite as this all sounds, although it's one of those conversations that puts a huge damper on the rest of the night. We just went to bed after that. In the morning before he left, things were fine. As I was walking to my car way too early on a day that I don't have to work (but of course he did), he called out that he was going to miss me. I just smiled and waved, and got into my car. I don't do conversations before 8 in the morning.
I'm ready for this year to be over.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
All over the place.
The holidays are here, and this is the first time in over 3 years that I've been dating someone long enough to actually consider celebrating the holidays with them. That being said, CK and I have no holidays plans. As Jews, the perfect Christmas really is Chinese food and the movies, like all the Jews in the area do, but CK is working on Xmas. Yeah, he worked on Thanksgiving too. I don't know what is up with that. I'm pretty sure there is no way he gets paid enough money for all this working to be worth it. We may hang out on Christmas Eve, and possibly tomorrow night as well.
We hung out last Wednesday. I know I'm way behind on the posts, but really I'm getting to the point where there is little new, and not much to say. Wednesday was the day I finished my grad program, for good. I was ridiculously over worked, stressed out, and under-slept... this combination made me overly affectionate. It was a good time, we were supposed to go to dinner, we never made it. We played guitar hero, made out, drank beer, ate cake, and I spent the night. The end. Oh, and he cleaned his apartment... however I suspect that wasn't for my benefit. Thanks to a little facebook research (that's what us librarians - yes, I'm official now - call internet stalking), I've discovered that the BFPE will be in the area very soon. I'm not sure when she arrives, or how long she will be here, or where she is staying even... but she's on her way. CK has not mentioned it, nor has he stopped making plans with me in the meantime. I have a feeling she may be here still over New Year's. If he does choose to spend the new year with her, well then I guess I'll have to kill her, and face that this relationship really isn't going anywhere. There's so little to say on the matter because really all of my information is based on one-sided facebook comments. The end may be near, and that's ok. My friend in Brooklyn is trying to set me up with this guy. Bonuses - he's tall and jewish. Not so bonus - he lives in Connecticut and is 25. Haven't met him yet... that will happen sometime after the new year.
In relationship news - 2 of my good friends have just recently gotten engaged. One just this past Wednesday while I was at CK's, and the other a few weekends ago. I can't believe I'm of that age where everyone is getting married around me. I'm so happy for my friends of course, but part of me feels miles behind where I should be in the grand scheme of things. I checked my holiday card list, and of all the cards I sent only 4 were to people not in a relationship. Yikes.
We hung out last Wednesday. I know I'm way behind on the posts, but really I'm getting to the point where there is little new, and not much to say. Wednesday was the day I finished my grad program, for good. I was ridiculously over worked, stressed out, and under-slept... this combination made me overly affectionate. It was a good time, we were supposed to go to dinner, we never made it. We played guitar hero, made out, drank beer, ate cake, and I spent the night. The end. Oh, and he cleaned his apartment... however I suspect that wasn't for my benefit. Thanks to a little facebook research (that's what us librarians - yes, I'm official now - call internet stalking), I've discovered that the BFPE will be in the area very soon. I'm not sure when she arrives, or how long she will be here, or where she is staying even... but she's on her way. CK has not mentioned it, nor has he stopped making plans with me in the meantime. I have a feeling she may be here still over New Year's. If he does choose to spend the new year with her, well then I guess I'll have to kill her, and face that this relationship really isn't going anywhere. There's so little to say on the matter because really all of my information is based on one-sided facebook comments. The end may be near, and that's ok. My friend in Brooklyn is trying to set me up with this guy. Bonuses - he's tall and jewish. Not so bonus - he lives in Connecticut and is 25. Haven't met him yet... that will happen sometime after the new year.
In relationship news - 2 of my good friends have just recently gotten engaged. One just this past Wednesday while I was at CK's, and the other a few weekends ago. I can't believe I'm of that age where everyone is getting married around me. I'm so happy for my friends of course, but part of me feels miles behind where I should be in the grand scheme of things. I checked my holiday card list, and of all the cards I sent only 4 were to people not in a relationship. Yikes.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Melt(down)
Tuesday I sent CK a text to see if he wanted to hang out Wednesday night. We both are busy this weekend, I'll be in nyc, he has a work holiday party, so we won't be seeing each other over the weekend. I knew I'd be busy with grad school work tonight, so Wednesday night was really the only night I had available to see him. He's usually good about texting me back in a reasonable amount of time, so I was disappointed/discouraged when I saw on Wednesday morning that he hadn't responded. However, by my lunch time on Wednesday (I don't have my phone on during the day - so all texts are received when I turn on my phone), he had texted me back that he "most definitely" wanted to see me, and maybe we could do dinner in Philly? This was the plan until I checked my phone when I was leaving school around 4-ish, and CK had sent me a text that he had to work late, and would dinner around 8 be ok? I was fine with that, but if we weren't going to go out until 8, by the time we went somewhere and ate, it would be pretty late. So I suggested that I make dinner, and bring it over to his place when he was home for work. He agreed graciously, and I went to the market to get ingredients for the most delicious mac-n-cheese ever tasted. Seriously, it's sinfully delicious. I prepared the dinner, showered, and was getting ready when my phone rang. It was CK and it was around 7, so my hopeful self figured that he had gotten off work early and he was on his way home. Wrong. Quite the opposite. Now he wasn't going to be done work until after 8, and he was way outside the city and wouldn't be back home until 9:30 at the earliest. I was LIVID. I get very short with people when I'm angry at them, and CK was no exception. I was pissed. Not only had I prepared this entire meal FOR HIM, now it was all going to go to waste. Sure I could take some of it to school, and it surely would get eaten, but that wasn't the purpose of picking one of my best dishes to make. He apologized profusely, and asked if we could reschedule for Thursday. I told him Wednesday was the only day that worked for me, and that it was his loss. It was the best mac-n-cheese he'd never have. (I think I actually said those exact words.) I got off the phone and steamed about the situation. I feel foolish when I plan and prepare for something, only to be let down. My friend called me to check on my progress of the cooking, and when I told her that CK had cancelled, she solved my excess food dilemma. She and her husband hadn't eaten yet, and I was more than welcome to bring my delicious mac-n-cheese to her place. I agreed that it was the best solution and I wouldn't be sitting at home moping about not seeing CK. After calming down a bit about the situation, I sent CK a text apologizing for being rude to him. I explained that I was just bummed about having spent the time and money and effort to make dinner, to then have no one to feed. He responded that he deserved my rudeness and continued to apologize about not being able to give me more of a heads up about working late. I wasn't being particularly nice about it still, but I wasn't being awful... and I apologized, that's a huge step for me.
While at my friend's house, we discussed the situation in great length. She let me be mad and call him awful names, and she let me be sad and disappointed about not seeing him. In the end, we discussed that it would be better if I was able to talk to him about these things that night instead of letting them fester. I texted him around 8:45 to see if he was still working. He said he was just finishing up and on his way back to Philly. He'd be home around 9:30. I texted him to tell him I was coming over and bringing him leftovers, despite it being late on a school night.
We both got to his place at about the same time, nearing 10pm. When I got there, he had a present for me. It was beautifully wrapped, with a bow and card as well, which he claims he did the whole thing himself. He bought me a tire gauge, so I can prevent getting flat tires in the city more often. Not the most romantic gift I've ever received, but something I need? Yes. Was he thinking of me to make sure I got it? For sure. This is definitely a step in the right direction. I made sure he had some of my amazing dinner, and we talked. It wasn't too serious of a conversation at first. I let him know that I had been upset when he told me that he was going to have to work late, and why he couldn't have just told his boss that he already had made plans. He said that he had done that, and his boss said that she would call me herself to explain to me that he was not going to be able to make our dinner plans tonight. Seriously, for someone who's not like a high-power corporate exec or lawyer or doctor, he definitely puts in more work hours than I ever would. In the end, it's just a crazy week at work for him. His first full week back from China, a lot of work to catch up on, and not a whole lot of free time.
He asked me if I wanted to stay over and take a nap with him. By then it was nearing 11pm, and any nap then would lead to me staying the night. I hadn't brought any clothes for school with me since I wasn't planning on seeing him when I left my house. I opted to stay over, and get up at 5am to drive back to my parents' to get ready in the morning. In between sleep and making out, we did have some more good conversations - holiday plans, new year's, him coming to my place... all things that say to me this is moving in a direction that is positive. Maybe he's just feeling lonely due to the holidays, and maybe I'm reading WAY too much into all his actions. Whatever it may be, it still feels different than it did a month ago. The BFPE is still there, she still stares at me when I'm in that room. But her presence feels like it's fading, and it's allowing CK and I to be closer. Still - options open, if something else comes along, I'd be foolish not to pursue it. But seeking something new out at this point seems almost spiteful.
While at my friend's house, we discussed the situation in great length. She let me be mad and call him awful names, and she let me be sad and disappointed about not seeing him. In the end, we discussed that it would be better if I was able to talk to him about these things that night instead of letting them fester. I texted him around 8:45 to see if he was still working. He said he was just finishing up and on his way back to Philly. He'd be home around 9:30. I texted him to tell him I was coming over and bringing him leftovers, despite it being late on a school night.
We both got to his place at about the same time, nearing 10pm. When I got there, he had a present for me. It was beautifully wrapped, with a bow and card as well, which he claims he did the whole thing himself. He bought me a tire gauge, so I can prevent getting flat tires in the city more often. Not the most romantic gift I've ever received, but something I need? Yes. Was he thinking of me to make sure I got it? For sure. This is definitely a step in the right direction. I made sure he had some of my amazing dinner, and we talked. It wasn't too serious of a conversation at first. I let him know that I had been upset when he told me that he was going to have to work late, and why he couldn't have just told his boss that he already had made plans. He said that he had done that, and his boss said that she would call me herself to explain to me that he was not going to be able to make our dinner plans tonight. Seriously, for someone who's not like a high-power corporate exec or lawyer or doctor, he definitely puts in more work hours than I ever would. In the end, it's just a crazy week at work for him. His first full week back from China, a lot of work to catch up on, and not a whole lot of free time.
He asked me if I wanted to stay over and take a nap with him. By then it was nearing 11pm, and any nap then would lead to me staying the night. I hadn't brought any clothes for school with me since I wasn't planning on seeing him when I left my house. I opted to stay over, and get up at 5am to drive back to my parents' to get ready in the morning. In between sleep and making out, we did have some more good conversations - holiday plans, new year's, him coming to my place... all things that say to me this is moving in a direction that is positive. Maybe he's just feeling lonely due to the holidays, and maybe I'm reading WAY too much into all his actions. Whatever it may be, it still feels different than it did a month ago. The BFPE is still there, she still stares at me when I'm in that room. But her presence feels like it's fading, and it's allowing CK and I to be closer. Still - options open, if something else comes along, I'd be foolish not to pursue it. But seeking something new out at this point seems almost spiteful.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
D-Date
CK and I hung out on Friday night. We had talked earlier in the week about hanging out some time over the weekend, I was hoping more for Saturday night, since I had to be up REALLY early Saturday morning and didn't want to have to leave early Friday night. He invited me to go a movie screening of Japanese propaganda films that were created during WWII that were being screened at an art museum in recognition of D-Day. I wasn't so keen on the idea at first, I would have much rather hung out at his apartment, played some guitar hero and watch a movie (I'm a bit of a recluse in the winter), but I wanted to see him and he apparently really wanted to see these films.
I drove out to Philly to his apartment first, we had a nice reunion. We exchanged some holiday gifts, he bought me a beautiful Chinese fan that is hand painted, and I bought him some cocktail glasses that he had mentioned wanting once when we were out together and a large bottle of gin. (He really loves gin and tonic.) We didn't get to spend too much time catching up, I got to his apartment late and we were going to be late for the movies. While we were driving over to the museum, my front passenger tire started to feel very flat. I had noticed it at first when I was driving into the city, and thought that I should check it out once I got to CK's place, but I was running late and it slipped my mind altogether. I was stressing (and probably freaking out a bit) about the thought of having a flat tire so soon after getting my car, not to mention that my tires are probably 3x the cost of a regular tire, due to the drug dealer/pimped out look my car is striving for. CK was really amazing about being reassuring and calming me down. We drove all over Philly trying to find a gas station. Apparently, there are very few gas stations in the city, but we finally found one. CK totally took charge and checked my tire gauge, and filled my flat with air. He then proceeded to check the rest of my other 3 non-flat tires, which I thought was pretty awesome - considering we were late for the movies at this point.
We made it to the museum a little bit after 8, and only missed one of the political cartoon shorts, but caught most of the second one and all of the movie. His friend and his girlfriend were meeting up with us there, but they got there later than we did and ended up sitting on the opposite side of the theater. We cuddled and all that good stuff throughout the film, and he was being extremely affectionate. After the first movie, there was a short intermission, so we met up with his friend and girlfriend then. I for some reason did not feel as comfortable around this friend as I had CK's other friends that I met before Thanksgiving. They were more hipster-ish, and not that I don't like that, I just always feel so plain and mainstream (and I totally am!) when I'm around super hipsters. I was completely awkward, but CK was a little awkward too, so it was ok. We debated on whether or not to stay for the second film. I was exhausted at that point, and knew I'd pass out during the movie if we stayed, and CK felt the same way. But for some reason, we stayed anyway. And true to our word, we both fell asleep during the movie - my head on his shoulder and his head on mine, we were out cold. The movie wasn't very good anyway, it was American propaganda about an American raised Samurai who, in not so many words, was responsible for D-Day.
Back at his place afterwards, I knew I shouldn't stay too late or else I'd have to stay the entire night and get up at 5am. After a cup of tea and a lot of making out, I opted for the latter. We were up for most of the night, and I got less than 2 hours of sleep before I had to get up and leave. He was going to get up with me at 5:30, but I told him that was silly, and I'd be able to let myself out. He didn't argue with that one. He texted me later in the day, and we were texting back and forth throughout the day. I hoped that I'd see him Saturday night too, but he texted me at 12:40 in the morning that he had just gotten up from a nap and was going out then. I had passed out on my couch around 10:30 or so, so that was not an option for me.
There was something different about the way we were together on Friday, and even with the texts on Saturday. It felt more like a relationship, but there's still so much uncertainty. My options are still open, I'm just not finding anything else I want to pursue at this time.
I drove out to Philly to his apartment first, we had a nice reunion. We exchanged some holiday gifts, he bought me a beautiful Chinese fan that is hand painted, and I bought him some cocktail glasses that he had mentioned wanting once when we were out together and a large bottle of gin. (He really loves gin and tonic.) We didn't get to spend too much time catching up, I got to his apartment late and we were going to be late for the movies. While we were driving over to the museum, my front passenger tire started to feel very flat. I had noticed it at first when I was driving into the city, and thought that I should check it out once I got to CK's place, but I was running late and it slipped my mind altogether. I was stressing (and probably freaking out a bit) about the thought of having a flat tire so soon after getting my car, not to mention that my tires are probably 3x the cost of a regular tire, due to the drug dealer/pimped out look my car is striving for. CK was really amazing about being reassuring and calming me down. We drove all over Philly trying to find a gas station. Apparently, there are very few gas stations in the city, but we finally found one. CK totally took charge and checked my tire gauge, and filled my flat with air. He then proceeded to check the rest of my other 3 non-flat tires, which I thought was pretty awesome - considering we were late for the movies at this point.
We made it to the museum a little bit after 8, and only missed one of the political cartoon shorts, but caught most of the second one and all of the movie. His friend and his girlfriend were meeting up with us there, but they got there later than we did and ended up sitting on the opposite side of the theater. We cuddled and all that good stuff throughout the film, and he was being extremely affectionate. After the first movie, there was a short intermission, so we met up with his friend and girlfriend then. I for some reason did not feel as comfortable around this friend as I had CK's other friends that I met before Thanksgiving. They were more hipster-ish, and not that I don't like that, I just always feel so plain and mainstream (and I totally am!) when I'm around super hipsters. I was completely awkward, but CK was a little awkward too, so it was ok. We debated on whether or not to stay for the second film. I was exhausted at that point, and knew I'd pass out during the movie if we stayed, and CK felt the same way. But for some reason, we stayed anyway. And true to our word, we both fell asleep during the movie - my head on his shoulder and his head on mine, we were out cold. The movie wasn't very good anyway, it was American propaganda about an American raised Samurai who, in not so many words, was responsible for D-Day.
Back at his place afterwards, I knew I shouldn't stay too late or else I'd have to stay the entire night and get up at 5am. After a cup of tea and a lot of making out, I opted for the latter. We were up for most of the night, and I got less than 2 hours of sleep before I had to get up and leave. He was going to get up with me at 5:30, but I told him that was silly, and I'd be able to let myself out. He didn't argue with that one. He texted me later in the day, and we were texting back and forth throughout the day. I hoped that I'd see him Saturday night too, but he texted me at 12:40 in the morning that he had just gotten up from a nap and was going out then. I had passed out on my couch around 10:30 or so, so that was not an option for me.
There was something different about the way we were together on Friday, and even with the texts on Saturday. It felt more like a relationship, but there's still so much uncertainty. My options are still open, I'm just not finding anything else I want to pursue at this time.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
In Memorium
So, CK came back from China on Monday night, and texted me to let me know he was home. I sent him a message back when I got up in the morning on Tuesday, welcoming him home. He sent me a text later and said he would give me a call later on. He didn't end up calling due to staying at work late and jet lag. But he did text me, which was fine because there was a lot of drama at my house that night anyway and talking would be bad. He said he'd call me today, so I was expecting sometime in the early evening/night.
As of today, it's been 14 days since we've had a conversation. I got a voicemail while I was at school today, and thought that maybe it was my friend in Peru. I was a little surprised when it was CK. The message started out normal telling me that he had a good trip, but then he started sounding really upset, and said his day wasn't going so well. He then proceeds to tell me that his cat is very sick, and doesn't know if he's going to make it. He said that he wanted me know because he knows how much the cat liked me. I'm not sure what I was supposed to do after getting the message, I was still at school. But I knew I couldn't just ignore it. This was the first I heard anything from him in 2 weeks, I was definitely flustered by this one. I don't think that we're close enough yet for him to be calling me upset when his cat is sick. I am glad that he did, but I still didn't know what to do about it. Before I could even decide what to do, I got a text message from him saying that his cat had died. I knew how upset he must have felt, and I didn't really know what to do. I sent him a text message telling him how sorry I was and knew how much his cat meant to him. Also that if he wanted some company, I'd be around. This was an honest text, I was genuinely upset for him. His cat was great, he loved me for some reason, was always curled up on me, let me hold him. I'm not much of a cat person, but this one was sweet. So, I was upset for him really because I knew that he was going to be devastated, and also a little disappointed because I knew this is definitely going to play a factor in the next few weeks (months?) that we hang out. Selfish of me, I know.
He responded that he was going to stay at his parents' house, but we'd hang out later in the week. I called him on my way home from work, just to check in with him, and tell him how really sorry I was. He was audibly upset on the phone, but we talked for a good hour. I forgot how easy the conversation with him comes. We really do have a lot in common, and a lot to talk about. He talked a bit about his cat, but I didn't want to upset him more than he already was. We talked about China, books, life in general. With no plans to see him anytime soon, I'm just taking it a day at a time.
A friend I was telling the situation to says this is my chance to step it up and be "girlfriend" material, to be there for him. Be there for him when the BFPE can't. I'm going to try. If this doesn't work, then really... I'm done.
As of today, it's been 14 days since we've had a conversation. I got a voicemail while I was at school today, and thought that maybe it was my friend in Peru. I was a little surprised when it was CK. The message started out normal telling me that he had a good trip, but then he started sounding really upset, and said his day wasn't going so well. He then proceeds to tell me that his cat is very sick, and doesn't know if he's going to make it. He said that he wanted me know because he knows how much the cat liked me. I'm not sure what I was supposed to do after getting the message, I was still at school. But I knew I couldn't just ignore it. This was the first I heard anything from him in 2 weeks, I was definitely flustered by this one. I don't think that we're close enough yet for him to be calling me upset when his cat is sick. I am glad that he did, but I still didn't know what to do about it. Before I could even decide what to do, I got a text message from him saying that his cat had died. I knew how upset he must have felt, and I didn't really know what to do. I sent him a text message telling him how sorry I was and knew how much his cat meant to him. Also that if he wanted some company, I'd be around. This was an honest text, I was genuinely upset for him. His cat was great, he loved me for some reason, was always curled up on me, let me hold him. I'm not much of a cat person, but this one was sweet. So, I was upset for him really because I knew that he was going to be devastated, and also a little disappointed because I knew this is definitely going to play a factor in the next few weeks (months?) that we hang out. Selfish of me, I know.
He responded that he was going to stay at his parents' house, but we'd hang out later in the week. I called him on my way home from work, just to check in with him, and tell him how really sorry I was. He was audibly upset on the phone, but we talked for a good hour. I forgot how easy the conversation with him comes. We really do have a lot in common, and a lot to talk about. He talked a bit about his cat, but I didn't want to upset him more than he already was. We talked about China, books, life in general. With no plans to see him anytime soon, I'm just taking it a day at a time.
A friend I was telling the situation to says this is my chance to step it up and be "girlfriend" material, to be there for him. Be there for him when the BFPE can't. I'm going to try. If this doesn't work, then really... I'm done.
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