I have criticized guys I've dated before for being "fast and furious" in the relationship department before. I have mentioned how fast things have moved before I actually wanted them too, or how I wish I could slow things down. Even when Google and I broke up he said that he wondered what would have happened if we had slowed down getting to know each other, and didn't rush into anything. I should be SO grateful right now that I'm dating a guy who wants to take things slow. And is in NO rush to make things physical right away. This is a good thing, I know. I'm enjoying all the time we've been spending together so far. To be honest, we've spent a good amount of time together, we've only been dating for 2 weeks and have had 5 really good dates so far.
This one is different. I don't know what it is, but there is something completely different about the way I am dating this guy. First of all, I'm relatively calm about it all. With the occasional crazy moment aside, I'm doing this however it feels right. Last night I invited him to come over to my house to watch a movie and have some pizza. There were total ulterior motives on my part. I wanted to make this move a little faster, and take the "getting to know you" up a notch. As you may remember with Google, I didn't invite him over to my house for weeks and weeks. I didn't want to wait that long with this one, nor did I see the necessity of waiting for him to plan a night that would put us in a more intimate setting. So, 2 weeks in, I invited him to my house. He got to my house around 8ish, and after me being super self-conscious about everything and apologizing for everything in my house (from my lack of food to my hyper-aggressive dog), he basically told me to stop apologizing for my house/dog/lack of whatever... he didn't care, and it wasn't why he was there - to judge my house. I don't know why I get so crazy self-conscious. My house was clean, it wasn't messy at all. I should have been a bit more confident. We ordered pizza, and I have to say, I'm very impressed that he's trying foods that he has never tried before. When we talked about food on our 3rd date he called himself a dull eater, but on the past 3 dates, he's tried something new every time. We ordered pizza with eggplant on it (which is breaded and fried - so it's not healthy at all!), and at first he was anti-eggplant, since he had never tried it before. I was fine with whatever he wanted to order, I'm really not picky at all when it comes to food. And I didn't want him to get stuck with something he didn't like. But he insisted that we order pizza with eggplant since it's my favorite. We had dinner, some beers, and just sat around and talked for 2 hours. At ten, I suggested putting the movie, and he had me pick from the 6 movies he brought over. I picked the one that he had mentioned was his most recent favorite, since I had never seen it, and it had an interesting sci-fi premise. If I really wanted to make it a better situation for something physical to go down, I should have picked a movie I had already seen and, at the very least, a comedy. But we watched this movie, which was ok, I didn't love it. We watched the WHOLE movie, with little to no physical contact throughout. By the end of the movie we were sitting close enough that we were touching, but not in an intentional way. We stayed on the couch and let the dvd menu loop over and over while we talked for another 3 hours. Yup, just talked. He asked me some interesting questions about my past relationships (he asked if Mr. P had ever lived with me in my house) and if I thought I wanted kids. That one caught me WAY off guard. I stammered and stumbled, and said I didn't know, which is true. I am on the fence about kids. I think eventually I will have one or two, but for now, I can't imagine it because I'm not in that stage of my life. I wonder if he thinks because I'm older, I'm on a different timeline than he is, and wants to get these "crucial" questions out of the way early on! I felt kind of put on the spot, but he basically said the same thing as me, he's on the fence when it comes to kids too. Interesting question for a 5th date when we haven't even kissed so far that night.
So, by 3 am, he had been at my house for 7 hours, and I was practically falling asleep. I had to be up in 3 hours or so for work, and have a youth group convention ALL weekend. It was not the best idea to start this weekend on a sleep deficit. He gets his things to leave, I get him his jacket, and he gets his movies, and it's just... well... awkward for lack of a better term. At this point we had hung out for so long without any real contact, how was this going to end? I walked him to my door, and then out the door he stops on my porch and turns to me. I went outside still not sure how we were going to part, and he says, "wow, I'm so awkward." Which, maybe he is when it comes to making a move, but it's kind of endearing. And then we kissed goodbye, it was a long and lingering kiss, like all the ones before. It feels like it's getting more intimate with the kissing, I just wish it would happen a bit sooner in the date. I like kissing him, and wouldn't mind doing a bit more of it. For all the socially awkward guys I've dated before, and let's be honest, there have been a SLEW of them, this guy is the LEAST socially awkward. But when it comes to being able to make a move, he takes the cake.
I think this is going to have to be my move. Clearly inviting him over for dinner and a movie wasn't enough of a gesture to let him know that I want more than just a kiss goodnight. Besides this one thing, it's pretty amazing. We have a good time together, can talk for hours, laughter comes easy. Why do I want to rush it? I should take this slow and steady and recognize something good when I have it. Getting to know someone you like is the best part of the beginning and moving too fast has only messed things up in the past, taking things slow may just be the change I need.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
That's what she said.
I'm home from the 4th date, it's barely past 1 am, and while I know that's fairly late for a date... I had higher hopes for it lasting longer. As far as time spent on this date, this was by far the shortest date I've had with this guy - 3 hours to be exact. I'm not trying to focus on what didn't happen, because overall it was a really good, fun date. I was just hoping at this point to maybe kick it up a notch.
After our fantastic 3rd date, we had talked about hanging out over the weekend. By Friday, when we still didn't have plans (despite texting back and forth on Thursday), I was wondering what our plans would actually be, but I didn't want to press. Eventually, I did text him, to see what he was thinking regarding plans, and he texted me back almost immediately with Saturday night when he got done work, and then he came up with bowling. Originally, we were going to go to the bowling alley that was really close to my school, and I was worried about running into students there. But I let him make the plans, it would seem silly if I asked him to change them just because I didn't want to run into people I knew. So we agreed that we'd meet there at 9:30ish. It was the first time that he didn't offer to come pick me up at my house first, and that was noted, as much as I wish it weren't, any change in behavior is something I'm usually quick to pick up on. He sends me a text mid day today (Saturday), telling me that his best friend works security at the bowling alley, and if I want to, I could meet him. Hmm... that was weird, would I really say no to meeting his friend? It just made me really nervous, I almost wish he hadn't let me know ahead of time.
I got to the bowling alley before he did, and waited outside for him. He showed up just a few minutes after me, and we headed in. It was packed due to some parties, and it was going to be almost an hour wait for a lane. Instead of waiting, he introduced me to his friend, and then we decided that we'd go elsewhere to bowl for the night. I chose a bowling alley that's a little bit further away, and definitely way trendier when it comes to bowling alleys. We decided to take one car, and instead of leaving my car in the seedy bowling alley parking lot, we drove over to his work, and left my car in the parking lot there. From there, we drove over to the bowling alley in his car, which made me feel better about the whole one car versus two from earlier. Silly, I know.
We get to the bowling alley, get our lanes, and no sooner do we sit down and start putting on our shoes, do I notice some people in the lanes next to us who look familiar to me. It's not until I see my aunt that I realize that it's my uncle's 50th birthday party going on, right next to me. Well, if I was nervous about meeting this guy's best friend, at least he didn't throw me in the midst of a family member's birthday party. Of course, I go over and give my aunt a hug and say hello, and wish my uncle a happy birthday. It was slightly awkward. Ok, if I were my date, I'd probably be WAY uncomfortable, but he handled it like a champ. We bowled 3 games, and my only problem with bowling as a date with just 2 people, is it's hard to have any kind of consistent conversation. We managed fairly well, I think. There was good banter, some playful teasing, and lots of "that's what she said" moments. I think bowling just calls for it. There's too much that can be taken out of context in a bowling alley that is borderline questionable. It was fun, he beat me 2 out of 3 games, despite his claims that he's a terrible bowler. It's possible that I'm just a horrific bowler, but I broke 100 on 2 of those games (came damn close with a 99 the other game). It was a lot of fun, and he even branched out and tried some new food again, this time it was hummus. And he liked it. Wooohoo for food adventurousness.
He drove me back to my car after the bowling alley, we chatted about music mostly. When we got back to my car, it was a fairly awkward goodbye still. There was no mention of hanging out again, but then he kissed me when I was leaving. And we kissed for a few minutes in his car, then...I left. No "let's do this again soon" comments. So this leaves me to wonder if I misread any of the signals, if he's not interested in seeing me again, or if I'm just totally overreacting here. My guess is I'm overreacting, because besides him actually saying he wants to see me again - all signs point to yes, we'll probably do this again. I would like though the next time we hang out to be a bit more intimate, maybe I'll invite him over to my place to watch a movie or something. Something where it does not have to be a car/awkward goodbye, and maybe we can amp up the physical connection before the moment I'm leaving for the night. Everything else about this seems to be going exactly as it should. I'm not sure why it has to be so hard. (That's what she said.)
After our fantastic 3rd date, we had talked about hanging out over the weekend. By Friday, when we still didn't have plans (despite texting back and forth on Thursday), I was wondering what our plans would actually be, but I didn't want to press. Eventually, I did text him, to see what he was thinking regarding plans, and he texted me back almost immediately with Saturday night when he got done work, and then he came up with bowling. Originally, we were going to go to the bowling alley that was really close to my school, and I was worried about running into students there. But I let him make the plans, it would seem silly if I asked him to change them just because I didn't want to run into people I knew. So we agreed that we'd meet there at 9:30ish. It was the first time that he didn't offer to come pick me up at my house first, and that was noted, as much as I wish it weren't, any change in behavior is something I'm usually quick to pick up on. He sends me a text mid day today (Saturday), telling me that his best friend works security at the bowling alley, and if I want to, I could meet him. Hmm... that was weird, would I really say no to meeting his friend? It just made me really nervous, I almost wish he hadn't let me know ahead of time.
I got to the bowling alley before he did, and waited outside for him. He showed up just a few minutes after me, and we headed in. It was packed due to some parties, and it was going to be almost an hour wait for a lane. Instead of waiting, he introduced me to his friend, and then we decided that we'd go elsewhere to bowl for the night. I chose a bowling alley that's a little bit further away, and definitely way trendier when it comes to bowling alleys. We decided to take one car, and instead of leaving my car in the seedy bowling alley parking lot, we drove over to his work, and left my car in the parking lot there. From there, we drove over to the bowling alley in his car, which made me feel better about the whole one car versus two from earlier. Silly, I know.
We get to the bowling alley, get our lanes, and no sooner do we sit down and start putting on our shoes, do I notice some people in the lanes next to us who look familiar to me. It's not until I see my aunt that I realize that it's my uncle's 50th birthday party going on, right next to me. Well, if I was nervous about meeting this guy's best friend, at least he didn't throw me in the midst of a family member's birthday party. Of course, I go over and give my aunt a hug and say hello, and wish my uncle a happy birthday. It was slightly awkward. Ok, if I were my date, I'd probably be WAY uncomfortable, but he handled it like a champ. We bowled 3 games, and my only problem with bowling as a date with just 2 people, is it's hard to have any kind of consistent conversation. We managed fairly well, I think. There was good banter, some playful teasing, and lots of "that's what she said" moments. I think bowling just calls for it. There's too much that can be taken out of context in a bowling alley that is borderline questionable. It was fun, he beat me 2 out of 3 games, despite his claims that he's a terrible bowler. It's possible that I'm just a horrific bowler, but I broke 100 on 2 of those games (came damn close with a 99 the other game). It was a lot of fun, and he even branched out and tried some new food again, this time it was hummus. And he liked it. Wooohoo for food adventurousness.
He drove me back to my car after the bowling alley, we chatted about music mostly. When we got back to my car, it was a fairly awkward goodbye still. There was no mention of hanging out again, but then he kissed me when I was leaving. And we kissed for a few minutes in his car, then...I left. No "let's do this again soon" comments. So this leaves me to wonder if I misread any of the signals, if he's not interested in seeing me again, or if I'm just totally overreacting here. My guess is I'm overreacting, because besides him actually saying he wants to see me again - all signs point to yes, we'll probably do this again. I would like though the next time we hang out to be a bit more intimate, maybe I'll invite him over to my place to watch a movie or something. Something where it does not have to be a car/awkward goodbye, and maybe we can amp up the physical connection before the moment I'm leaving for the night. Everything else about this seems to be going exactly as it should. I'm not sure why it has to be so hard. (That's what she said.)
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Start of Something Good.
3 dates in less than a week. I think the last time I had this many dates with a guy at the beginning was when I first started dating Mr. P. This is a good sign, and I'm clear on the fact that he's interested in me for sure. Last night was our 3rd date, and I'm very proud of myself that I did not sacrifice going to spin class to go on the date earlier. It was tempting, yes. But it was the last 90 minute spin class I can go to for a few weeks, so I really wanted to make sure I was there. He was off of work all day yesterday, and normally, I would have canceled going to spin so that I could see him earlier. But I need to not give up things I want to do to go on dates - this has never worked well for me in the past - so I told him I could hang out after 8.
On our previous date, we talked about the movie Hot Tub Time Machine and how we both wanted to see it. So, it made sense that we'd go see that, but that meant going to a late movie, on a school night for me. He offered to do another night, but I was fine with a late night. He didn't have to work the next day either (he's off weds-friday) so we stuck with the original plan of Weds night. He came over to pick me up around 8ish, and since the movie wasn't until 10:30, we decided to get some food first. We went to dinner at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants that's in the town that he lives in, yet has never been there, it was a necessity! In terms of food adventurousness, he's not. I am. Although he shared food well, which is a plus, and he was willing to try what I ordered, even though it was a bit more adventurous than what he ordered. We continue to have great conversations, lots of laughs, and just enough chemistry to keep it flirtatious. After dinner we headed over to the movie theater, where we were basically the only people there. My favorite part of the night was in between dinner and the movie. We were in his car, talking and listening to music. At one point, he turned up a song that was on, and mentioned that it was his favorite part of the song. It's a song I've heard before, but never really listened to all that well. But listening to it, through someone else's recommendation always makes me a little more susceptible to hearing it differently. I'm not sure why I liked that moment so much - something about him, sharing a part of a song that he really liked was just a nice connection. There were other moments in the car that were up there later on, but for some reason that was my favorite.
The movie was fun, with lots of laughter, and very enjoyable. If you haven't seen it - you should.
After the movie, he drove me back home. It was fairly late, and of course I was thinking about work in the morning. At my house, we were sitting in his car, saying goodnight. I wasn't sure how to do the awkward car goodbyes. He starts by saying how much he's enjoying spending time with me, and how I make him laugh (yay!) and that even though he hasn't dated much recently - he's really enjoying this - and asks if he can see me again. Of course. Yes. And then he kisses me. It was a great end to the date.
Things are going well. We're going to go out again this weekend. It's the beginning of... something. Not sure what, but hopefully the start of something good! I'm of course hesitant because of how things turned out after such a strong start and quick fizzle with Google, but I refuse to let someone else's baggage affect something good in my life. I'm going to stay hopeful, and keep enjoying this one day at a time.
On our previous date, we talked about the movie Hot Tub Time Machine and how we both wanted to see it. So, it made sense that we'd go see that, but that meant going to a late movie, on a school night for me. He offered to do another night, but I was fine with a late night. He didn't have to work the next day either (he's off weds-friday) so we stuck with the original plan of Weds night. He came over to pick me up around 8ish, and since the movie wasn't until 10:30, we decided to get some food first. We went to dinner at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants that's in the town that he lives in, yet has never been there, it was a necessity! In terms of food adventurousness, he's not. I am. Although he shared food well, which is a plus, and he was willing to try what I ordered, even though it was a bit more adventurous than what he ordered. We continue to have great conversations, lots of laughs, and just enough chemistry to keep it flirtatious. After dinner we headed over to the movie theater, where we were basically the only people there. My favorite part of the night was in between dinner and the movie. We were in his car, talking and listening to music. At one point, he turned up a song that was on, and mentioned that it was his favorite part of the song. It's a song I've heard before, but never really listened to all that well. But listening to it, through someone else's recommendation always makes me a little more susceptible to hearing it differently. I'm not sure why I liked that moment so much - something about him, sharing a part of a song that he really liked was just a nice connection. There were other moments in the car that were up there later on, but for some reason that was my favorite.
The movie was fun, with lots of laughter, and very enjoyable. If you haven't seen it - you should.
After the movie, he drove me back home. It was fairly late, and of course I was thinking about work in the morning. At my house, we were sitting in his car, saying goodnight. I wasn't sure how to do the awkward car goodbyes. He starts by saying how much he's enjoying spending time with me, and how I make him laugh (yay!) and that even though he hasn't dated much recently - he's really enjoying this - and asks if he can see me again. Of course. Yes. And then he kisses me. It was a great end to the date.
Things are going well. We're going to go out again this weekend. It's the beginning of... something. Not sure what, but hopefully the start of something good! I'm of course hesitant because of how things turned out after such a strong start and quick fizzle with Google, but I refuse to let someone else's baggage affect something good in my life. I'm going to stay hopeful, and keep enjoying this one day at a time.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Good Stuff.
I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't been really looking forward to last night's date. A lot. I had a lot of fun things planned for this weekend, but I was MOST looking forward to Sunday night, at 9:30... that's a rare thing. Sunday nights are dreaded times, as the weekend comes to an end and the work week starts. But last night couldn't come soon enough! I had a lot packed into this weekend, work, a game night at my house which required lots of cooking and cleaning on my part, & youth group stuff. Throughout all of this, I probably averaged about 4 hours of sleep a night starting Thursday night through last night.
I was obviously very interested in this guy after our first date, and wanted to see him again. My friends made sure I knew NOT to text/email him first, I'm going to play this one by the rules, no matter how much I want to otherwise. Friday, I was tempted to text him, but I didn't. Around 2:30, I was in my friend's classroom, in the midst of telling her the date story, and he sent me a text. There was much squealing and giggling as we texted back and forth, setting up a date for this Sunday night. He works until 9:30, Saturday - Tuesday, so we decided on Sunday night, later, at the bar that is very close to my house (close enough that I walked there!)
So Sunday night 9:30 finally rolls around, and I was really tired, but excited at the same time. I headed over to the bar, and he was driving up just as I was getting there. I don't remember if we hugged or not, or if we just walked into the bar... the beginning of the date is kind of fuzzy in my mind. I'm not sure if it was because I was tired or because I cared more this time, but I felt like I wasn't being as good of a conversationalist. But we ended up staying there for a good 3 and a half hours, talking. So it couldn't have been so bad. By 1:15, I knew I had to get home as it was a school night, and it wasn't a good idea already to start the work week on a sleep deficit. So, as we're leaving, he asks if he can walk me home. Seriously!! He ASKED if he could walk me home. It was so sweet. Of course, it was late, and not that I live that far, but it was such a simple, yet sweet, gesture. If I hadn't already liked him, I would have after that. So he walks me home, and gives me a slightly awkward kiss good night (what first kiss isn't??), but it was interrupted by my dog barking at us through the window. I started laughing, and he asked me if I was laughing at him or the dog. I assured him that it was the dog, and definitely NOT him. He asked me what my plans were for the week, and when I'd be free to hang out again. I mentioned being free on Friday. He asked if I was free anytime before then, during the week. We have plans for a 3rd date on Wednesday night. And I'm looking forward to it just as much as the 2nd.
Right now, I'm doing my best to not project. Or set expectations. I wish I could say I'm not getting my hopes up, but they are. There's more good stuff to come, hopefully.
I was obviously very interested in this guy after our first date, and wanted to see him again. My friends made sure I knew NOT to text/email him first, I'm going to play this one by the rules, no matter how much I want to otherwise. Friday, I was tempted to text him, but I didn't. Around 2:30, I was in my friend's classroom, in the midst of telling her the date story, and he sent me a text. There was much squealing and giggling as we texted back and forth, setting up a date for this Sunday night. He works until 9:30, Saturday - Tuesday, so we decided on Sunday night, later, at the bar that is very close to my house (close enough that I walked there!)
So Sunday night 9:30 finally rolls around, and I was really tired, but excited at the same time. I headed over to the bar, and he was driving up just as I was getting there. I don't remember if we hugged or not, or if we just walked into the bar... the beginning of the date is kind of fuzzy in my mind. I'm not sure if it was because I was tired or because I cared more this time, but I felt like I wasn't being as good of a conversationalist. But we ended up staying there for a good 3 and a half hours, talking. So it couldn't have been so bad. By 1:15, I knew I had to get home as it was a school night, and it wasn't a good idea already to start the work week on a sleep deficit. So, as we're leaving, he asks if he can walk me home. Seriously!! He ASKED if he could walk me home. It was so sweet. Of course, it was late, and not that I live that far, but it was such a simple, yet sweet, gesture. If I hadn't already liked him, I would have after that. So he walks me home, and gives me a slightly awkward kiss good night (what first kiss isn't??), but it was interrupted by my dog barking at us through the window. I started laughing, and he asked me if I was laughing at him or the dog. I assured him that it was the dog, and definitely NOT him. He asked me what my plans were for the week, and when I'd be free to hang out again. I mentioned being free on Friday. He asked if I was free anytime before then, during the week. We have plans for a 3rd date on Wednesday night. And I'm looking forward to it just as much as the 2nd.
Right now, I'm doing my best to not project. Or set expectations. I wish I could say I'm not getting my hopes up, but they are. There's more good stuff to come, hopefully.
Friday, April 09, 2010
Kick-Ass.
Once upon a time, there was a boy with whom I was very much infatuated. This lasted me on and off throughout college, post-college, and into the beginning of my New York days. I look for parts of him in all the guys I date, and when I compare guys to anyone, it's usually this one. So, tonight, when I found his almost exact counterpart on a very surprising date - I was all the more pleased and very very happy about it.
Tonight's date was going to be the last of my "they chose me" dates before my social dating experiment for the month of April. This guy winked at me on match - which to me says, I like your profile, but maybe not enough to send the first email, it's kind of passive. But it's a safe way of putting yourself out there without a whole lot of rejection if the other doesn't respond. I'm over being a passive dater. Normally, I'd just wink back, but I liked what I read, so I emailed him. We exchanged some emails, had a 2 hour long phone conversation, and scheduled our first date for tonight. I don't normally do dinner and a movie for a first date. I don't necessarily believe it really allows you to get to know another person, and while it can provide a good outlet should you need a break from an awkward date, I don't usually do it. It's not even part of my dating repertoire. However, tonight was the only night we both had free for this date, and I had these free passes to a screening of the movie "Kick-Ass," so I offered the movie as an option, but would have been fine if we had ended up doing something else. We decided to meet for dinner before hand, and then go see the movie. It's not that I wasn't looking forward to the date, I just haven't had the best luck these days on my dates, and I didn't know if I could handle another disappointing date. So I went into it with no expectations - and well, it turned out so much better than I could have even imagined.
We met up around 6 for dinner. Like our conversation on the phone, it was quick and natural from the get-go. There was a lot of conversation, and hardly a dull moment. I can't remember being at a loss of words, and he was engaging and funny, and before you knew it - an hour and a half had passed. We decided to take one car over to the movie theater (even though we could have just walked) and he drove us over. The movie was fun and light, and not a bad date movie, even for a first date. It wasn't awkward like I thought it might be, and there was no physical contact. After the movie, he asked if I wanted to go home or do something else - like get some coffee. I opted for the coffee option (this is why I'm up blogging at 2:30 on a school night!) and we headed over to the diner. I had coffee and carrot cake, he had some apple pie, and we ended up closing the diner, talking more. It felt like time was moving very fast. He drove me back over to the restaurant where my car was from earlier. We ended up spending another half an hour or more in his car, just talking about everything from music to old tv shows. We talked about doing something again, and we parted, still without any physical contact, but I left feeling pretty good about the date.
5 and a half hours (2 of which were spent in a movie - so 3.5 hours of actually dating time) is a pretty substantial first date. I like just about everything I know about this guy. He lives in the town where I work, he knows some of the same people I know. He is smart, and funny, and exactly my kind of cute. I'm not projecting, and I don't want to get my hopes up, but I would definitely be interested in seeing where this could go.
Tonight's date was going to be the last of my "they chose me" dates before my social dating experiment for the month of April. This guy winked at me on match - which to me says, I like your profile, but maybe not enough to send the first email, it's kind of passive. But it's a safe way of putting yourself out there without a whole lot of rejection if the other doesn't respond. I'm over being a passive dater. Normally, I'd just wink back, but I liked what I read, so I emailed him. We exchanged some emails, had a 2 hour long phone conversation, and scheduled our first date for tonight. I don't normally do dinner and a movie for a first date. I don't necessarily believe it really allows you to get to know another person, and while it can provide a good outlet should you need a break from an awkward date, I don't usually do it. It's not even part of my dating repertoire. However, tonight was the only night we both had free for this date, and I had these free passes to a screening of the movie "Kick-Ass," so I offered the movie as an option, but would have been fine if we had ended up doing something else. We decided to meet for dinner before hand, and then go see the movie. It's not that I wasn't looking forward to the date, I just haven't had the best luck these days on my dates, and I didn't know if I could handle another disappointing date. So I went into it with no expectations - and well, it turned out so much better than I could have even imagined.
We met up around 6 for dinner. Like our conversation on the phone, it was quick and natural from the get-go. There was a lot of conversation, and hardly a dull moment. I can't remember being at a loss of words, and he was engaging and funny, and before you knew it - an hour and a half had passed. We decided to take one car over to the movie theater (even though we could have just walked) and he drove us over. The movie was fun and light, and not a bad date movie, even for a first date. It wasn't awkward like I thought it might be, and there was no physical contact. After the movie, he asked if I wanted to go home or do something else - like get some coffee. I opted for the coffee option (this is why I'm up blogging at 2:30 on a school night!) and we headed over to the diner. I had coffee and carrot cake, he had some apple pie, and we ended up closing the diner, talking more. It felt like time was moving very fast. He drove me back over to the restaurant where my car was from earlier. We ended up spending another half an hour or more in his car, just talking about everything from music to old tv shows. We talked about doing something again, and we parted, still without any physical contact, but I left feeling pretty good about the date.
5 and a half hours (2 of which were spent in a movie - so 3.5 hours of actually dating time) is a pretty substantial first date. I like just about everything I know about this guy. He lives in the town where I work, he knows some of the same people I know. He is smart, and funny, and exactly my kind of cute. I'm not projecting, and I don't want to get my hopes up, but I would definitely be interested in seeing where this could go.
Saturday, April 03, 2010
My Terms
A few weeks ago, when the phone guy bailed on our date to go drinking in NYC, my friend told me that I had to deal with the situation on my terms. I read her comment, and I thought to myself, you know, I don't really know what my terms are. When it comes to my life outside of dating, I know what I will and what I won't do, I know my limits, and I know how to make things happen for myself. I'm not afraid to put myself out there job-wise, socially, academically. I live my life on my own terms, except when it comes to dating. There are obviously times when I get pushed to my limit, and there are definitely things I don't like... but when I tend to like a guy, regardless of what I know is best, I tend to bend my terms to suit what I think the other person wants.
I'm trying something new, dating on my terms. I'm going to pick the guys I date, not the other way around. I'm going to make my terms in a relationship a priority, and not settle for anything less than what I want. This also inspired the jdate blog contest entry, which I will post, but not until after the contest is over... as per their rules, not mine. Here is the basic gist of what I wrote about:
I have two friends who have met their now (and soon to be) husbands online and who have both given me the same advice, time and time again when it comes to online dating. Date only the men that you pick, and that way you already know you like them. I've been told this now for at least a year. And it's good advice, I know that. But I haven't done anything about it yet.
I know my biggest fear is being rejected. And sure it stings a bit when you send someone an email and they don't write back, but it stings a hell of a lot more when you date the wrong guy for months/year, and realize that he was all wrong. Rejection online is nothing personal, the person you're emailing knows very little about you. When you are out with friends, you meet people and you might get to know them or you might not, you may give them your number and they might never call. (This is not so different than sending an email and getting no response!) If I email 15 guys and only 5 write me back, sure I got rejected 10 times, but I also have 5 potential dates lined up, which if you ask me, is better than waiting around for 5 guys who might be what you want to email you. It's pretty passive the way I've been dating, it's time to take some action!
That's pretty much the gist of what I wrote about for the contest. And more than that, it's my newest dating challenge. Starting tomorrow (eeks!) I'm going to email anywhere from 5-10 guys a week on match (I only have 4 weeks left, unless I want to pay again.) and see what my return rate is. I think this will be an interesting social experiment that I'm willing to take on. I need to move forward, this is the best time to make something happen, on my terms.
Some of my terms:
College educated (preferred), creative, interested in music/biking/photography/cooking or any of my other new found loves. Likes to travel. Not severely depressed (oh wait, people don't put that in their profiles, do they??) Wants kids. Has friends. Likes dogs.
These aren't set in stone, obviously. But it should be fun to see what I can yield. In all of my years of dating online, I've only ever dated guys who emailed/contacted me first, as the Smiths say better than I can, good times for a change.
I'm trying something new, dating on my terms. I'm going to pick the guys I date, not the other way around. I'm going to make my terms in a relationship a priority, and not settle for anything less than what I want. This also inspired the jdate blog contest entry, which I will post, but not until after the contest is over... as per their rules, not mine. Here is the basic gist of what I wrote about:
I have two friends who have met their now (and soon to be) husbands online and who have both given me the same advice, time and time again when it comes to online dating. Date only the men that you pick, and that way you already know you like them. I've been told this now for at least a year. And it's good advice, I know that. But I haven't done anything about it yet.
I know my biggest fear is being rejected. And sure it stings a bit when you send someone an email and they don't write back, but it stings a hell of a lot more when you date the wrong guy for months/year, and realize that he was all wrong. Rejection online is nothing personal, the person you're emailing knows very little about you. When you are out with friends, you meet people and you might get to know them or you might not, you may give them your number and they might never call. (This is not so different than sending an email and getting no response!) If I email 15 guys and only 5 write me back, sure I got rejected 10 times, but I also have 5 potential dates lined up, which if you ask me, is better than waiting around for 5 guys who might be what you want to email you. It's pretty passive the way I've been dating, it's time to take some action!
That's pretty much the gist of what I wrote about for the contest. And more than that, it's my newest dating challenge. Starting tomorrow (eeks!) I'm going to email anywhere from 5-10 guys a week on match (I only have 4 weeks left, unless I want to pay again.) and see what my return rate is. I think this will be an interesting social experiment that I'm willing to take on. I need to move forward, this is the best time to make something happen, on my terms.
Some of my terms:
College educated (preferred), creative, interested in music/biking/photography/cooking or any of my other new found loves. Likes to travel. Not severely depressed (oh wait, people don't put that in their profiles, do they??) Wants kids. Has friends. Likes dogs.
These aren't set in stone, obviously. But it should be fun to see what I can yield. In all of my years of dating online, I've only ever dated guys who emailed/contacted me first, as the Smiths say better than I can, good times for a change.
"Good times for a change
See, the luck I’ve had
Can make a good man
Turn bad
So please please please
Let me get what I want
This time
Lord knows, it would be the first time."
Friday, April 02, 2010
Topeka!
For those of you who didn't see Google's (the company!) April Fool's switch, they changed their company logo for the day to "Topeka" and ran a whole story about how they were changing their name to Topeka, since the city in Kansas (coincidence??) offered to change their name to Google. It was cute, and I used it in my class as an April Fool's joke that their Doodle4Google contest entries had all been disqualified because they didn't say "Topeka."
So, this is a blog about Google, not the company, and not the city in Kansas, and unfortunately, it's not a joke.
When you live in a city of millions of people, you don't ever expect to run into anyone that you know unexpectedly. When I lived in Brooklyn, I always thought I would run into someone I had dated, on the subway, on the street, wherever. I lived a block away from my ex-boyfriend for months and not once did I run into him unexpectedly. NOT ONCE. I would pass his house daily on my walk home, and I never once saw him without it being my choice.
So I move to a smaller city (actually, I'm outside the city, but that's neither here nor there), and I expect the same rules to apply. I won't run into anyone unexpectedly, because the odds of that happening are stacked pretty high. And before last night, I had never run into anyone that I've dated before, with the exception of that one time I ran into my HS ex while I was dating Mr. Perfect. I always envision these things going a certain way in my mind. And it always has me being cool and calm and confident. Of course, because I am these things, when I haven't been drinking for 5 hours at 5 different bars...
Last night was the Philadelphia Bunny Hop bar crawl, this includes about 12 different bars in the Fairmount area. My co-worker mentioned it, and my first thought was, Oh well that's where Google lives, I probably shouldn't go. But then I thought about all the times I have been out and haven't run into anyone and there were a TON of people going to this thing (even Steve Ward from Tough Love was there!) So, I went. And my friends and I had an incredible time, although it solidified why I hate meeting people in bars. At one bar, some guy grabbed my ass and told me I was too innocent. Uch. Seriously, skeevy. And who does that work on?? I'll stick to emails for now, thank you very much. But we drank and drank, and wandered up and down Fairmount to 4 different bars. By the end of the night our crowd had dwindled to just 3 of us, and one was very drunk. We opted to go to a smaller, less crowded bar off of the main stretch of Fairmount, because we'd be able to sit and get our friend some food! So we head over to Lucky 7's. I knew ahead of time that Google occasionally went to this bar, but he also frequented about half of the bars on the list (we were between that one and the Belgian, and for some reason I thought he'd be more likely to be at the Belgian.. it's closer to his house), and by this point it was after midnight. I didn't expect if he was out at any given point during the night, he'd still be.
We get to the bar, and like I expected, it was much less crowded, and as we're walking past the windows to the door, I see him. I saw him before we even walked into the bar. My one friend had convinced me earlier that if I did see Google over the course of the night, it was for some reason. Unfortunately, it wasn't to show him how cool and calm and confident I've become since we've broken up. At this point, we either had to go to this bar (it was so far from all the others, we were not going to be able to walk back to the other smaller bars) or go home. We went into the bar. Now, over the course of the night I had adopted my friend's bunny ears. A lot of people were wearing ears, so this wasn't a big deal, but the ones I was wearing lit up and were green and sparkly. They drew A LOT of attention all night. Every bar we went to, they got comments along the lines of "Those are the best and biggest pair I've seen all night" with a wink and smiles and double entendre glances towards my breasts. (Another reason why I hate meeting people at bars.) So, I knew walking into the bar, we'd be noticed. And we were, but maybe not right away by Google. This is not a situation I should be in while I am drunk. I can manage friendly conversations while I am not wasted, but I had never been in this situation so I didn't know what to do. I was trying hard not to be noticed, but at the same time, I wanted him to know that I was there. Catch-22. At some point, someone in his group noticed me and it turned into a very high-school-ish situation. I knew they were talking about me, and I'm sure he knew I had seen him and was trying very hard not to make look like I had not. A guy who had been standing with Google's group of friends (I knew about half of the people he was there with - neighbors, new year's, etc.) but this guy I didn't recognize and hadn't met him before. He was waiting for the bathroom and started talking to me and my friends in the meantime. He made no indication that he knew who I was, so that was good. Another friend of Google's comes over not long after that, and goes to open the bathroom door, but there was someone in there. I told him that there was someone in there, and the guy gave me a weird look. It was unnerving because I didn't really remember meeting this guy, but he looked familiar. I knew he was with Google's group of friends, so I figured I had just seen pictures of him. I gave him a weird look back and he said, yes, you know me. You'reE____, my friend's ex-girlfriend. I knew that he knew who I was, but I still wasn't giving him any confirmation that I knew who he was. So he goes on, you know, you dated Google, we met at his house. At this point I give some sort of acknowledgment, and confirm that I remembered him now, from the night of the Super Bowl. He goes on to say that he'd give me a hug, but that would be weird since I'm his friend's ex and all. That's weird. Why would he hug me? I met him all of one time for about 20 minutes while we watched the end of a tv show, on the last night that Google and I were actually dating (the last good date before all the snow came and changed things!). I didn't know how to respond to that, so it was a good thing that the bathroom opened up at that point and he went in. When he came out, I watched as he went over and talked to Google, very obviously about me. I was considering at this point if I should just go over and talk to him. This was silly, we both knew the other one was there, and we're both adults. There's no reason why we can't have a civil conversation. Except, when I looked back to gauge if it was a good time to go over and say hi, Google was at the table MAKING OUT WITH A GIRL. It was like being slapped in the face. Seriously, a guy who could not show affection towards me in front of his friends EVER was making out with someone at a bar. It stung, and I turned away very quickly before any of them could see me cry. I did cry with my back turned but I'm sure some of them noticed. I was drunk, and my emotions were running a bit rampant. Tears were my instinctual response. I wish I could have been bold and walked out, or even crazy and threw my drink on him, or something other than just deeply hurt. I don't care who you are, or what you've done to me, if my ex-boyfriend was at the same bar as me, randomly, and I knew that, I would NEVER make out with someone in front of him. I think it's just hurtful, and mean. He knew that would hurt me. I don't think he was thinking about it, he was probably thinking about getting laid, but still, it doesn't change the situation.
I don't know if he's dating the girl, or if it was a friend of one of his friends (she was sitting with their group, but he wasn't talking to her at all until long after I was there - which is much more typical of how Google treats girls he dates, at least towards me.) but he left with her. As he was leaving (I was not looking over there - my friends told me this after he left), he apparently tried to leave out the side door, I guess so he wouldn't have to walk past me. As he's walking out the door, my friends are yelling names at him, which I wouldn't have done, I would have rather just let it be. But he was gone, with a girl, and some of his neighbors and friends were still there. And I could feel them watching me, but at this point, what could I do. I wasn't going to have a big reaction. There's nothing to do.
When we left the bar, nearing 2 AM, I immediately deleted his phone number out of my phone. And I need to put Google behind me. I don't even think I could be friends with someone who would do that to a person that claim they care about. He was the one who has repeatedly said we should be friends. But I can't figure out for the life of me at this point how that could ever work.
So, this is a blog about Google, not the company, and not the city in Kansas, and unfortunately, it's not a joke.
When you live in a city of millions of people, you don't ever expect to run into anyone that you know unexpectedly. When I lived in Brooklyn, I always thought I would run into someone I had dated, on the subway, on the street, wherever. I lived a block away from my ex-boyfriend for months and not once did I run into him unexpectedly. NOT ONCE. I would pass his house daily on my walk home, and I never once saw him without it being my choice.
So I move to a smaller city (actually, I'm outside the city, but that's neither here nor there), and I expect the same rules to apply. I won't run into anyone unexpectedly, because the odds of that happening are stacked pretty high. And before last night, I had never run into anyone that I've dated before, with the exception of that one time I ran into my HS ex while I was dating Mr. Perfect. I always envision these things going a certain way in my mind. And it always has me being cool and calm and confident. Of course, because I am these things, when I haven't been drinking for 5 hours at 5 different bars...
Last night was the Philadelphia Bunny Hop bar crawl, this includes about 12 different bars in the Fairmount area. My co-worker mentioned it, and my first thought was, Oh well that's where Google lives, I probably shouldn't go. But then I thought about all the times I have been out and haven't run into anyone and there were a TON of people going to this thing (even Steve Ward from Tough Love was there!) So, I went. And my friends and I had an incredible time, although it solidified why I hate meeting people in bars. At one bar, some guy grabbed my ass and told me I was too innocent. Uch. Seriously, skeevy. And who does that work on?? I'll stick to emails for now, thank you very much. But we drank and drank, and wandered up and down Fairmount to 4 different bars. By the end of the night our crowd had dwindled to just 3 of us, and one was very drunk. We opted to go to a smaller, less crowded bar off of the main stretch of Fairmount, because we'd be able to sit and get our friend some food! So we head over to Lucky 7's. I knew ahead of time that Google occasionally went to this bar, but he also frequented about half of the bars on the list (we were between that one and the Belgian, and for some reason I thought he'd be more likely to be at the Belgian.. it's closer to his house), and by this point it was after midnight. I didn't expect if he was out at any given point during the night, he'd still be.
We get to the bar, and like I expected, it was much less crowded, and as we're walking past the windows to the door, I see him. I saw him before we even walked into the bar. My one friend had convinced me earlier that if I did see Google over the course of the night, it was for some reason. Unfortunately, it wasn't to show him how cool and calm and confident I've become since we've broken up. At this point, we either had to go to this bar (it was so far from all the others, we were not going to be able to walk back to the other smaller bars) or go home. We went into the bar. Now, over the course of the night I had adopted my friend's bunny ears. A lot of people were wearing ears, so this wasn't a big deal, but the ones I was wearing lit up and were green and sparkly. They drew A LOT of attention all night. Every bar we went to, they got comments along the lines of "Those are the best and biggest pair I've seen all night" with a wink and smiles and double entendre glances towards my breasts. (Another reason why I hate meeting people at bars.) So, I knew walking into the bar, we'd be noticed. And we were, but maybe not right away by Google. This is not a situation I should be in while I am drunk. I can manage friendly conversations while I am not wasted, but I had never been in this situation so I didn't know what to do. I was trying hard not to be noticed, but at the same time, I wanted him to know that I was there. Catch-22. At some point, someone in his group noticed me and it turned into a very high-school-ish situation. I knew they were talking about me, and I'm sure he knew I had seen him and was trying very hard not to make look like I had not. A guy who had been standing with Google's group of friends (I knew about half of the people he was there with - neighbors, new year's, etc.) but this guy I didn't recognize and hadn't met him before. He was waiting for the bathroom and started talking to me and my friends in the meantime. He made no indication that he knew who I was, so that was good. Another friend of Google's comes over not long after that, and goes to open the bathroom door, but there was someone in there. I told him that there was someone in there, and the guy gave me a weird look. It was unnerving because I didn't really remember meeting this guy, but he looked familiar. I knew he was with Google's group of friends, so I figured I had just seen pictures of him. I gave him a weird look back and he said, yes, you know me. You're
I don't know if he's dating the girl, or if it was a friend of one of his friends (she was sitting with their group, but he wasn't talking to her at all until long after I was there - which is much more typical of how Google treats girls he dates, at least towards me.) but he left with her. As he was leaving (I was not looking over there - my friends told me this after he left), he apparently tried to leave out the side door, I guess so he wouldn't have to walk past me. As he's walking out the door, my friends are yelling names at him, which I wouldn't have done, I would have rather just let it be. But he was gone, with a girl, and some of his neighbors and friends were still there. And I could feel them watching me, but at this point, what could I do. I wasn't going to have a big reaction. There's nothing to do.
When we left the bar, nearing 2 AM, I immediately deleted his phone number out of my phone. And I need to put Google behind me. I don't even think I could be friends with someone who would do that to a person that claim they care about. He was the one who has repeatedly said we should be friends. But I can't figure out for the life of me at this point how that could ever work.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)