Last night D and I met up at a friend's bar, where D got to meet one of my best friends. This is a big enough step for me and a significant gesture. This friend did not get to meet the last guy that I dated at length, and insists that I always hide the people I date from my friends. I don't think this is true. All of the guys I have dated at length have, at one time or another, met most of my friends. It's different than having someone meet the family, which I've only had 2 guys meet my parents while I was actually dating them. One of them was my ex who I dated for over 2 years and I lived with him for part of the time, the other...well... I'm not sure why I thought bringing him home would matter. It certainly didn't matter to him. But the latter is the one that 2 of my closest friends in the city did not get to meet, so they are constantly insisting that I hide people when I am dating them. But now neither of them can say anything, one has met D (and currently stands as my only friend who has), and the other was the only person who got to meet T... lot's of good that did!
So I thought the date was going well enough, we had some wine and some food. D got to talk a bit to my friend, and seemed to do just fine with the interactions. We stayed at the bar for about 2 hours, but we were both pretty tired. D made it CLEAR that he did not want to go back to his apartment, and I had noticed he was acting less affectionate than he had on previous dates. I'm a pretty good judge of picking up on subtleties, and I could sense something, though I wasn't sure what, was going to happen before the end of the evening.
We walked down to Rockefeller Center which, for after midnight, was still bustling with tourists and New Year's Eve anticipation. We walked further down to Bryant Park, which was closed... so we sat on the cold marble steps leading up to the park. For it being the 30th of December, and we were able to sit outside for over an hour, I must say the weather is frightening (although we both did get ridiculously cold). Anyway, we had the DTR, but decided to keep things at the status quo. Some points that were brought up lead me to believe that D may not be as far out of his last relationship as he thinks he is or he thinks that I'm expecting this to be more than it is. As a rule for relationships, I've learned not to expect. I don't go into dates wondering if this is going to be the guy I'm going to marry, I am happy with what I have while I have it. No expectations, and if it ends, so be it. I'm not sure really at all what we agreed to really, just that we are going to continue doing things the way that we have been and we're not going to be dating anyone else. His biggest concern was our lack of common interests, which was kind of surprising to me, because we have a lot more common interests than most of the guys I've dated in the past. So I don't know a whole lot about video games and game theory (seriously, I just learned what a Wii was 3 weeks ago...), but that doesn't mean I can't learn. Anyway, nothing was resolved in that area, but I think we're on the same page. We're dating just each other, but keeping things how they have been, which I'm not sure what that means. This was by far the shortest date we've had thus far, clocking in at just under 4 hours. I won't see him for New Year's, which is ok, it's a bit early for that maybe, but I will see him before he goes to Switzerland for the week on business sometime later this week. What this means for the blog though... well as long as he has no complaints, I'll continue what I've been doing (he does read this, so it's not a big secret), and we'll just keep it casual.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Assembly Required
So after 4 dates, I usually don't post in depth about the dates because it risks too much exposure about the dates that could be leading into something more serious.
But my 4th date with D was on Tuesday night this week, right after I got back to the city from having been at my parent's house for the weekend. I told him that I would go there, since he came to Brooklyn last time. We met up on UES and walked to a pseudo-trendy Thai restaurant, which he maybe thought I was going to complain about how far the walk was because he kept saying that it was kind of far... this is probably due to the shoe incident, where I complained about walking from 86th to 93rd street, but that was ONLY because my feet hurt. This was one avenue over and 9 blocks down, not very far at all, and I wouldn't have complained anyway.
During dinner, things were fine for the most part until we started talking about performance reviews at jobs. He mentioned his would be coming up within the next few months, and I made some sort of comment of how teachers are reviewed based on observations, and I think it's unfair to judge an entire year of teaching based on one lesson that the principal came in and watched. D made some sort of statement, which I'm not sure exactly still how he meant it, but he definitely said that students' improvements through standardized tests should be the basis of how well teachers teach. Oh. Well. I LOST it, I mean, I feel bad for the people sitting at the table next to us, because I was practically screaming at him, and I think I compared D at one point to George Bush, and I was angry. Like ready to walk back to the subway and chalk this up to another failed series of dates. Besides the actual disagreement that took place, I also discovered that I don't really like D's arguing style. I argue a lot, especially with the person that I'm dating, so if I'm not argumentative-compatible with someone, that's a serious factor. My biggest problem was that he would constantly interrupt me. I am a fair fighter, and I let people finish what they are saying when they are trying to make a point. D would interject over me, constantly, even when I would say "let me finish what I'm saying," he would still talk over me. Despite the fact that is just completely rude, it also makes it seem like he doesn't validate anything that I'm saying, and just wants his point to be heard. That just intensified the anger. So maybe 20 minutes later, we resolved the argument, and headed out of the restaurant. I want to clarify that the argument is not what I had a problem with, yes, I clearly disagreed with what he said, but I welcome all types of arguments and disagreements. It makes the relationship more interesting. My biggest problem was HOW he argued. If this is going to work, we're going to need to work out some sort of system to argue better.
We went back to his apartment, at which point I brought up yet another concern I had been having regarding D. The truth is, he only owns 2 pairs of shoes, work shoes and sneakers. That's fine. I don't expect a guy to own multiple pairs of color coordinated shoes to match every outfit, but the few pairs he does have should at least, well, at be decent? His work shoes are fine, I don't have any complaints about those. They are black work shoes, I do think he should probably own a pair of brown shoes to wear with brown... but that's the only issue I have with those. The sneakers, now these are a completely different story all together. All black Reebok sneakers, seen here. At first I thought I was overreacting, they are just shoes, right? So I told a couple of my friends, just to see what their reactions were. My one friend, who is male and completely straight, told me that ANYONE that I meet that wears those shoes should be immediately taken to the nearest shoe store to remedy the problem. This was the general reaction of most of my friends, and that if he doesn't know any better, then it's completely up to me to teach him so. I'm not sure how flexible D is with his shoes, but I definitely voiced my opinion on his shoes and did not hold back.
The rest of the date progressed normally, we watched a few episodes of Coupling (which he owns all 4 seasons of, a definite plus!), we made out, it was getting late. There was no mention on his part as to me leaving, and I didn't make any mention of what time I had to be home. It came up at one point, and we decided that I would spend the night. I slept over, not well I might add. Although, I think it takes practice and getting used to sharing a bed with someone. And then there is the morning, which makes everything seem different. I usually start to doubt things in the morning when I've stayed somewhere that I hadn't been planning. Mornings are bright and clear, things that seemed a good idea in the evening, seem less of a good idea in daylight. But the morning wasn't bad, partly because I had a toothbrush in my bag. We stayed in bed for a while, and eventually got up. D has a professional-style espresso maker, and he makes a damn good latte. It was a nice way to start the morning, especially without having to go out. So we had some lattes, and then we played on the Wii. We went through all the sports on Wii Sports except for Boxing. Bowling is still my favorite, but I got considerably better at tennis, and golf was a lot more fun than I expected it to be too. I sucked at baseball.. we'll leave it at that.
At some point during the morning, I had noticed an Ikea bookshelf, still in it's box, blocking the hallway. I mentioned that I am pretty capable at putting together Ikea furniture, since ALL my furniture seems to have come from there and I have put it all together on my own. So I offered at some point to help him put his shelf together. We decided to go out and get some bagels first, good choice, the bookshelf was a LONG process. Much longer than I expected. I forgot why I usually put together my furniture by myself... it's because putting it together with someone else is STRESSFUL. It's not a fun experience to begin with, and at one point, where something wasn't working the way it should, I definitely looked at him and said, "I don't know that I know you well enough to be doing this with you..." But after all was said and done, it came together pretty well and then it was long past time that I went home. From 6:30 the night before to 4:30 yesterday, 22 hours is plenty of time for a fourth date. So where to from here? I don't know, there has still been no DTR (defining the relationship), there are still the compatibility issues that I am questioning... the shoes (not really), the ex... they are all factors.
But my 4th date with D was on Tuesday night this week, right after I got back to the city from having been at my parent's house for the weekend. I told him that I would go there, since he came to Brooklyn last time. We met up on UES and walked to a pseudo-trendy Thai restaurant, which he maybe thought I was going to complain about how far the walk was because he kept saying that it was kind of far... this is probably due to the shoe incident, where I complained about walking from 86th to 93rd street, but that was ONLY because my feet hurt. This was one avenue over and 9 blocks down, not very far at all, and I wouldn't have complained anyway.
During dinner, things were fine for the most part until we started talking about performance reviews at jobs. He mentioned his would be coming up within the next few months, and I made some sort of comment of how teachers are reviewed based on observations, and I think it's unfair to judge an entire year of teaching based on one lesson that the principal came in and watched. D made some sort of statement, which I'm not sure exactly still how he meant it, but he definitely said that students' improvements through standardized tests should be the basis of how well teachers teach. Oh. Well. I LOST it, I mean, I feel bad for the people sitting at the table next to us, because I was practically screaming at him, and I think I compared D at one point to George Bush, and I was angry. Like ready to walk back to the subway and chalk this up to another failed series of dates. Besides the actual disagreement that took place, I also discovered that I don't really like D's arguing style. I argue a lot, especially with the person that I'm dating, so if I'm not argumentative-compatible with someone, that's a serious factor. My biggest problem was that he would constantly interrupt me. I am a fair fighter, and I let people finish what they are saying when they are trying to make a point. D would interject over me, constantly, even when I would say "let me finish what I'm saying," he would still talk over me. Despite the fact that is just completely rude, it also makes it seem like he doesn't validate anything that I'm saying, and just wants his point to be heard. That just intensified the anger. So maybe 20 minutes later, we resolved the argument, and headed out of the restaurant. I want to clarify that the argument is not what I had a problem with, yes, I clearly disagreed with what he said, but I welcome all types of arguments and disagreements. It makes the relationship more interesting. My biggest problem was HOW he argued. If this is going to work, we're going to need to work out some sort of system to argue better.
We went back to his apartment, at which point I brought up yet another concern I had been having regarding D. The truth is, he only owns 2 pairs of shoes, work shoes and sneakers. That's fine. I don't expect a guy to own multiple pairs of color coordinated shoes to match every outfit, but the few pairs he does have should at least, well, at be decent? His work shoes are fine, I don't have any complaints about those. They are black work shoes, I do think he should probably own a pair of brown shoes to wear with brown... but that's the only issue I have with those. The sneakers, now these are a completely different story all together. All black Reebok sneakers, seen here. At first I thought I was overreacting, they are just shoes, right? So I told a couple of my friends, just to see what their reactions were. My one friend, who is male and completely straight, told me that ANYONE that I meet that wears those shoes should be immediately taken to the nearest shoe store to remedy the problem. This was the general reaction of most of my friends, and that if he doesn't know any better, then it's completely up to me to teach him so. I'm not sure how flexible D is with his shoes, but I definitely voiced my opinion on his shoes and did not hold back.
The rest of the date progressed normally, we watched a few episodes of Coupling (which he owns all 4 seasons of, a definite plus!), we made out, it was getting late. There was no mention on his part as to me leaving, and I didn't make any mention of what time I had to be home. It came up at one point, and we decided that I would spend the night. I slept over, not well I might add. Although, I think it takes practice and getting used to sharing a bed with someone. And then there is the morning, which makes everything seem different. I usually start to doubt things in the morning when I've stayed somewhere that I hadn't been planning. Mornings are bright and clear, things that seemed a good idea in the evening, seem less of a good idea in daylight. But the morning wasn't bad, partly because I had a toothbrush in my bag. We stayed in bed for a while, and eventually got up. D has a professional-style espresso maker, and he makes a damn good latte. It was a nice way to start the morning, especially without having to go out. So we had some lattes, and then we played on the Wii. We went through all the sports on Wii Sports except for Boxing. Bowling is still my favorite, but I got considerably better at tennis, and golf was a lot more fun than I expected it to be too. I sucked at baseball.. we'll leave it at that.
At some point during the morning, I had noticed an Ikea bookshelf, still in it's box, blocking the hallway. I mentioned that I am pretty capable at putting together Ikea furniture, since ALL my furniture seems to have come from there and I have put it all together on my own. So I offered at some point to help him put his shelf together. We decided to go out and get some bagels first, good choice, the bookshelf was a LONG process. Much longer than I expected. I forgot why I usually put together my furniture by myself... it's because putting it together with someone else is STRESSFUL. It's not a fun experience to begin with, and at one point, where something wasn't working the way it should, I definitely looked at him and said, "I don't know that I know you well enough to be doing this with you..." But after all was said and done, it came together pretty well and then it was long past time that I went home. From 6:30 the night before to 4:30 yesterday, 22 hours is plenty of time for a fourth date. So where to from here? I don't know, there has still been no DTR (defining the relationship), there are still the compatibility issues that I am questioning... the shoes (not really), the ex... they are all factors.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
The Ex-Factor
Not a dating story. An ex-dating story.
I have been in little contact with my most serious ex over the past two years since we've broken up. Not because I think he's a bad person (although we did not end our relationship on very good terms) or because I wish him any sort of ill will, I just think some doors are better left shut. I don't mind having the occasional IM conversation with him, but besides the one time I saw him when I stopped by his apartment over the summer to pick up some of my stuff, I haven't seen him since the day we decided our relationship wasn't going to go any further than it had. True there were a lot of hurt feelings in there, and I didn't WANT to see him for quite a while. This summer was really nerve wracking, I remember, the first time I was going to see him in almost 2 years.
That night was weird for me. It was definitely hard going back to the apartment I had lived in for over a year. It was hard seeing everything that was different, and even harder to see what was the same. It was almost like stepping into a time machine, and transporting myself back 2 years. He hasn't changed much at all. I think he's actually more like he was than it should be humanly possible. We hung out briefly that night, it was mostly me moving about 4 boxes of stuff I still had there (How could I have so much stuff in one small apartment?) and us awkwardly catching up on small talk (family, friends, etc.). Since then, we had a few IM conversations, all of which result in him telling me that he really wants to hang out with me and catch up.
One Friday evening, I got a text message from him, asking me how far from Sheepshead Bay I was... I replied that I had no idea, why? He mentioned that he was going to be there that Sunday, and wanted to come by and see my apartment. Now... I don't mind hanging out with him in neutral territory, but I honestly don't see any reason to introduce him into a completely new area of my life. Thankfully, I was going to be in Connecticut that day anyway, so it was not an issue. Maybe a few weeks later (it was Thanksgiving weekend, if I remember correctly), he IMed me and asked me if I was going home for the holiday. I was, of course, and told him so. He asked me when I was going to be coming back to the city, to which I replied, depending on traffic either Saturday night or Sunday early. He said, well if you come back on Saturday, you can stop by my apartment and I'll take you to dinner. I said something along the lines of "we'll see" and never mentioned it again. The few times we chatted online since then, he's been pretty adamant about us getting together. I told him that I would be home over Christmas and if he wanted to get together, he could drive down here. I had no idea that he actually would.
Today, he asked me what I was doing and truth be told, I wasn't doing much of anything. He mentioned that he had to go to his grandparents' house but then wanted to know if I wanted to get together tonight. I had nothing better to do, so sure... why not. Might be interesting to sit down and catch up, and in my mind there was no chance of anything happening, I thought he understood that too.
Around 7:30 he texted me that a certain movie he wanted to see was playing, and asked if I wanted to meet him at his apartment. I replied that the point was that he was going to come down here, see the dog (we had a dog when we were living together, who now - although he is my dog - lives with my parents.), and we'd catch up. He asked me if I wanted to see a movie down here then... Exasperated, I responded that I hadn't realized that a movie had ever been part of the plan, and I really wasn't in the mood to actually go out somewhere tonight. He was definitely nervous about coming to my parents' house, because he's nervous about seeing my parents. Understandable. If I ever left someone else's stuff outside my apartment like trash and changed the locks on them (after parting originally on amicable terms), I'd be pretty nervous to see their parents too. I assured him that my parents were at a friend's house for Christmas Eve dinner, and not to worry, they weren't mad at him anyway. (Tis true... after telling my parents what happened with my stuff, my dad's first question to me was "well, what did YOU do?" nice, huh?) I think my parents would have liked to see him, although they thought it was strange that he was coming over. But they would not have been mean to him, they just aren't like that. Regardless, they weren't home. So after he texts me that he's on his way, he sends me another text. And this was the one that made me regret ever inviting him over here in the first place, he says "by the way, would it be bad to kiss you?" I read that, and my first thought was YES! But i didn't want to be mean, so I just kindly wrote back that it would be best if we didn't go down that road. Seriously, if I had known he was really going to try something, then I don't think I would have invited him. Feeling guilty, especially after having the whole conversation with D about his ex on Thursday, I was feeling a bit hypocritical. I was talking to D on IM at the time, so I just told him that my ex was coming over... I don't know if that was too much information, and I'm getting the feeling that sometimes I "over share" with D. He didn't need to know what I was doing tonight, and since nothing was going to happen, I shouldn't tell him. But I felt guilty, and like a hypocrite... So I told him. and his response was more or less along the lines of "So?" Yeah, there I was feeling rather foolish, and quite embarrassed for even bringing it up, and not knowing how to continue the conversation from there. I shouldn't have said anything; we haven't had any defining conversations. For all I know, he's dating other girls and I'm allowed to date/spend time with whomever I choose without him knowing about it. I hate that I only really talk to him over IM or texts in between dates, because I can't really gauge how he's feeling/reacting to something... grr. Internet dating.
My ex was here for about 2 and half hours, and we just sat around and talked. I made dinner for myself (offered him some, but he didn't want anything - he's all religious now, keeps kosher and everything.) and even though it probably was Kosher (Vegetarian Pad Thai from Trader Joe's), he wasn't having any of it. So I ate, and we talked. It was kind of like our IM conversations, but in person. We talked about very surface level things, his family, my family, the dogs, my job, his job, showed him pictures from my sister's wedding (which he was at, but we broke up before the pictures came in). All were very safe topics. And then he had to go. He gave me a hug goodbye, and did not try to kiss me.
It's really a relieving feeling when you can spend so much time with someone that you used to have much deeper feelings for, only to be reassured as to why things would have never worked out in the end. My ex is a good person, and I will always be interested and care about how he is doing, but I can safely say that I do not think we will have a friendship that is anything more than a casual acquaintance.
I have been in little contact with my most serious ex over the past two years since we've broken up. Not because I think he's a bad person (although we did not end our relationship on very good terms) or because I wish him any sort of ill will, I just think some doors are better left shut. I don't mind having the occasional IM conversation with him, but besides the one time I saw him when I stopped by his apartment over the summer to pick up some of my stuff, I haven't seen him since the day we decided our relationship wasn't going to go any further than it had. True there were a lot of hurt feelings in there, and I didn't WANT to see him for quite a while. This summer was really nerve wracking, I remember, the first time I was going to see him in almost 2 years.
That night was weird for me. It was definitely hard going back to the apartment I had lived in for over a year. It was hard seeing everything that was different, and even harder to see what was the same. It was almost like stepping into a time machine, and transporting myself back 2 years. He hasn't changed much at all. I think he's actually more like he was than it should be humanly possible. We hung out briefly that night, it was mostly me moving about 4 boxes of stuff I still had there (How could I have so much stuff in one small apartment?) and us awkwardly catching up on small talk (family, friends, etc.). Since then, we had a few IM conversations, all of which result in him telling me that he really wants to hang out with me and catch up.
One Friday evening, I got a text message from him, asking me how far from Sheepshead Bay I was... I replied that I had no idea, why? He mentioned that he was going to be there that Sunday, and wanted to come by and see my apartment. Now... I don't mind hanging out with him in neutral territory, but I honestly don't see any reason to introduce him into a completely new area of my life. Thankfully, I was going to be in Connecticut that day anyway, so it was not an issue. Maybe a few weeks later (it was Thanksgiving weekend, if I remember correctly), he IMed me and asked me if I was going home for the holiday. I was, of course, and told him so. He asked me when I was going to be coming back to the city, to which I replied, depending on traffic either Saturday night or Sunday early. He said, well if you come back on Saturday, you can stop by my apartment and I'll take you to dinner. I said something along the lines of "we'll see" and never mentioned it again. The few times we chatted online since then, he's been pretty adamant about us getting together. I told him that I would be home over Christmas and if he wanted to get together, he could drive down here. I had no idea that he actually would.
Today, he asked me what I was doing and truth be told, I wasn't doing much of anything. He mentioned that he had to go to his grandparents' house but then wanted to know if I wanted to get together tonight. I had nothing better to do, so sure... why not. Might be interesting to sit down and catch up, and in my mind there was no chance of anything happening, I thought he understood that too.
Around 7:30 he texted me that a certain movie he wanted to see was playing, and asked if I wanted to meet him at his apartment. I replied that the point was that he was going to come down here, see the dog (we had a dog when we were living together, who now - although he is my dog - lives with my parents.), and we'd catch up. He asked me if I wanted to see a movie down here then... Exasperated, I responded that I hadn't realized that a movie had ever been part of the plan, and I really wasn't in the mood to actually go out somewhere tonight. He was definitely nervous about coming to my parents' house, because he's nervous about seeing my parents. Understandable. If I ever left someone else's stuff outside my apartment like trash and changed the locks on them (after parting originally on amicable terms), I'd be pretty nervous to see their parents too. I assured him that my parents were at a friend's house for Christmas Eve dinner, and not to worry, they weren't mad at him anyway. (Tis true... after telling my parents what happened with my stuff, my dad's first question to me was "well, what did YOU do?" nice, huh?) I think my parents would have liked to see him, although they thought it was strange that he was coming over. But they would not have been mean to him, they just aren't like that. Regardless, they weren't home. So after he texts me that he's on his way, he sends me another text. And this was the one that made me regret ever inviting him over here in the first place, he says "by the way, would it be bad to kiss you?" I read that, and my first thought was YES! But i didn't want to be mean, so I just kindly wrote back that it would be best if we didn't go down that road. Seriously, if I had known he was really going to try something, then I don't think I would have invited him. Feeling guilty, especially after having the whole conversation with D about his ex on Thursday, I was feeling a bit hypocritical. I was talking to D on IM at the time, so I just told him that my ex was coming over... I don't know if that was too much information, and I'm getting the feeling that sometimes I "over share" with D. He didn't need to know what I was doing tonight, and since nothing was going to happen, I shouldn't tell him. But I felt guilty, and like a hypocrite... So I told him. and his response was more or less along the lines of "So?" Yeah, there I was feeling rather foolish, and quite embarrassed for even bringing it up, and not knowing how to continue the conversation from there. I shouldn't have said anything; we haven't had any defining conversations. For all I know, he's dating other girls and I'm allowed to date/spend time with whomever I choose without him knowing about it. I hate that I only really talk to him over IM or texts in between dates, because I can't really gauge how he's feeling/reacting to something... grr. Internet dating.
My ex was here for about 2 and half hours, and we just sat around and talked. I made dinner for myself (offered him some, but he didn't want anything - he's all religious now, keeps kosher and everything.) and even though it probably was Kosher (Vegetarian Pad Thai from Trader Joe's), he wasn't having any of it. So I ate, and we talked. It was kind of like our IM conversations, but in person. We talked about very surface level things, his family, my family, the dogs, my job, his job, showed him pictures from my sister's wedding (which he was at, but we broke up before the pictures came in). All were very safe topics. And then he had to go. He gave me a hug goodbye, and did not try to kiss me.
It's really a relieving feeling when you can spend so much time with someone that you used to have much deeper feelings for, only to be reassured as to why things would have never worked out in the end. My ex is a good person, and I will always be interested and care about how he is doing, but I can safely say that I do not think we will have a friendship that is anything more than a casual acquaintance.
Friday, December 22, 2006
What Cool Looks Like.
Ok, so in further consideration on names, I think D should be referred to as the Wii guy instead (but he won't, because D just is easier), since apparently, that's what everyone seems to notice (or think is cool). Not only am I out of the loop of video games, I am just out of the loop on what cool looks like in general.
One thing I do know, is what cool does NOT look like. It has everything to do with a fork...
Last night we met up at the tea lounge where D had spent some of the afternoon, just hanging out and reading (lucky bastard was off this whole week and next). I was exhausted and had a rather bad day at school that day, resulting in 5 of my students getting in-school suspension, which actually made for a fantastic last day of school before break. Anyway, I was kind of cranky and rather tired, which doesn't make for good dating. Especially after 2 really good dates previously. I had made a few suggestions for dinner, but D is apparently a much pickier eater than I had realized, and vetoed the first place we went. So on top my already bad day, the thought of having to walk around and find some place for this picky eater to eat, did not really thrill my senses. I am not very good at masking my displeasure when it comes to things like this, and he could definitely tell I was not in a good mood. So we ended up going to a very casual cafe style place not far from my apartment. D got the mac-n-cheese, a good choice in anyone's book. However, when it came time to eat said mac-n-cheese... I noticed something was a little off... Now, I'm not an etiquette snob, and I'm most certainly not a stickler for rules... but he just was holding his fork completely wrong! I laughed because on our first date, he was telling me about a conversation he had with his parents recently about how he held his fork incorrectly. I have to say I'd agree. He doesn't see anything wrong with how he holds his fork, function over form, he says. I checked with Emily Post on this one...
"As soon, therefore, as his hand is dexterous enough, the child must be taught to hold his fork, no longer gripped baby-fashion in his fist, but much as a pencil is held in writing; only the fingers are placed nearer the “top” than the “point,” the thumb and two first fingers are closed around the handle two-thirds of the way up the shank, and the food is taken up shovel-wise on the turned-up prongs. " Emily Post's The Kindergarten of Etiquette. (http://www.bartleby.com/95/35.html)
Not a big deal at all really, but it was a point of discussion for a good portion of dinner. I felt much better after eating and chatting some more. My mood had definitely improved over the course of dinner. The insecurities I had talked about in the previous post came up once over dinner, but I was steadfast with my conviction that I was not going to talk about it. He seemed to respect that, but I could tell that he was trying very hard to figure out what it was. We left the restaurant and noticed a fairly new store that has opened on Smith St. (no surprise there, new things pop up left and right in my neighborhood, and I don't notice unless it's on a direct path with something I see frequently enough.) We went into the store and browsed for a while. It was fun, and it's also interesting to see someone else's shopping persona. I am not a big fan of shopping with other people, I do my best shopping (and by best I mean spend the most time and money...) by myself. I don't usually like shopping with people, especially guys, I find they tend to get impatient and whiny really quickly, and it's not worth the hassle. But when you are dating someone, it happens, and it's good to know a person's shopping style early on I guess. D was a good shopper, didn't complain, actually seemed pretty interested in the stuff in the store (it did have a lot of cool things, so maybe it's not a good test sample. Maybe the Atlantic Terminal during holiday madness would be a better test.) But for a preliminary run, he did just fine.
After the store, I wasn't sure which way the date was going to go. We had talked about keeping it short. I had a lot to do last night for today at school, but since the date started off on slightly rocky footing, I invited him to come back to my apartment. He was a great help putting together the presents I gave to my kids (bags of pens, pencils, candy). He calculated exactly how many of each type of candy the students should get, and it was done much quicker than had I done it all on my own.
We then got to talking some more, and of course my insecurities came up again. I was really unsure if I wanted to tell him what was really bothering me, because it didn't seem like something that should be talked about on a third date. It involves an ex (his) whom I have met (not through him), and who is not completely over him, and they are still friends. It makes me feel insecure (even though he assures me that he is completely done with that and she knows that), which makes me feel a little better, but it's still there in the back of my head. I can empathize with the ex completely also... I've been that girl before. I know what it's like. But we talked, and I think we were both pretty open about it, which is a nice change. I like knowing exactly where I stand, and while I may not know EXACTLY where I stand... he does, and I think I have a pretty good idea.
So after talking and making out on the couch for a little while, it some how became past midnight. He had a long train ride ahead of him, and I had to be up extra early this morning. I am going home to my parents' house for the holiday weekend so we made plans to see each other over the following week since we are both available. Overall, the date progressed nicely, despite my cranky behavior in the beginning.
So, a break for the holidays, but there will be more to follow.
One thing I do know, is what cool does NOT look like. It has everything to do with a fork...
Last night we met up at the tea lounge where D had spent some of the afternoon, just hanging out and reading (lucky bastard was off this whole week and next). I was exhausted and had a rather bad day at school that day, resulting in 5 of my students getting in-school suspension, which actually made for a fantastic last day of school before break. Anyway, I was kind of cranky and rather tired, which doesn't make for good dating. Especially after 2 really good dates previously. I had made a few suggestions for dinner, but D is apparently a much pickier eater than I had realized, and vetoed the first place we went. So on top my already bad day, the thought of having to walk around and find some place for this picky eater to eat, did not really thrill my senses. I am not very good at masking my displeasure when it comes to things like this, and he could definitely tell I was not in a good mood. So we ended up going to a very casual cafe style place not far from my apartment. D got the mac-n-cheese, a good choice in anyone's book. However, when it came time to eat said mac-n-cheese... I noticed something was a little off... Now, I'm not an etiquette snob, and I'm most certainly not a stickler for rules... but he just was holding his fork completely wrong! I laughed because on our first date, he was telling me about a conversation he had with his parents recently about how he held his fork incorrectly. I have to say I'd agree. He doesn't see anything wrong with how he holds his fork, function over form, he says. I checked with Emily Post on this one...
"As soon, therefore, as his hand is dexterous enough, the child must be taught to hold his fork, no longer gripped baby-fashion in his fist, but much as a pencil is held in writing; only the fingers are placed nearer the “top” than the “point,” the thumb and two first fingers are closed around the handle two-thirds of the way up the shank, and the food is taken up shovel-wise on the turned-up prongs. " Emily Post's The Kindergarten of Etiquette. (http://www.bartleby.com/95/35.html)
Not a big deal at all really, but it was a point of discussion for a good portion of dinner. I felt much better after eating and chatting some more. My mood had definitely improved over the course of dinner. The insecurities I had talked about in the previous post came up once over dinner, but I was steadfast with my conviction that I was not going to talk about it. He seemed to respect that, but I could tell that he was trying very hard to figure out what it was. We left the restaurant and noticed a fairly new store that has opened on Smith St. (no surprise there, new things pop up left and right in my neighborhood, and I don't notice unless it's on a direct path with something I see frequently enough.) We went into the store and browsed for a while. It was fun, and it's also interesting to see someone else's shopping persona. I am not a big fan of shopping with other people, I do my best shopping (and by best I mean spend the most time and money...) by myself. I don't usually like shopping with people, especially guys, I find they tend to get impatient and whiny really quickly, and it's not worth the hassle. But when you are dating someone, it happens, and it's good to know a person's shopping style early on I guess. D was a good shopper, didn't complain, actually seemed pretty interested in the stuff in the store (it did have a lot of cool things, so maybe it's not a good test sample. Maybe the Atlantic Terminal during holiday madness would be a better test.) But for a preliminary run, he did just fine.
After the store, I wasn't sure which way the date was going to go. We had talked about keeping it short. I had a lot to do last night for today at school, but since the date started off on slightly rocky footing, I invited him to come back to my apartment. He was a great help putting together the presents I gave to my kids (bags of pens, pencils, candy). He calculated exactly how many of each type of candy the students should get, and it was done much quicker than had I done it all on my own.
We then got to talking some more, and of course my insecurities came up again. I was really unsure if I wanted to tell him what was really bothering me, because it didn't seem like something that should be talked about on a third date. It involves an ex (his) whom I have met (not through him), and who is not completely over him, and they are still friends. It makes me feel insecure (even though he assures me that he is completely done with that and she knows that), which makes me feel a little better, but it's still there in the back of my head. I can empathize with the ex completely also... I've been that girl before. I know what it's like. But we talked, and I think we were both pretty open about it, which is a nice change. I like knowing exactly where I stand, and while I may not know EXACTLY where I stand... he does, and I think I have a pretty good idea.
So after talking and making out on the couch for a little while, it some how became past midnight. He had a long train ride ahead of him, and I had to be up extra early this morning. I am going home to my parents' house for the holiday weekend so we made plans to see each other over the following week since we are both available. Overall, the date progressed nicely, despite my cranky behavior in the beginning.
So, a break for the holidays, but there will be more to follow.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
The Longer.
So as promised earlier today...
the "more" of the date from yesterday.
Here's the nitty gritty...
We had originally planned a Thursday night 2nd date, but after a series of texts on Sunday, the guy (ok... time for a "blog name..." from here on out let's call him D, so original, I know), so D texted me and asked me if I was free Monday night instead. I was, and it actually works better for me because Monday I get out before 4, Thursday not until 5:30... so I could easily get into the city at a reasonable hour on Monday. I opted for a pair of heels, not my best dating choice... Let's just say my walking ability was hindered slightly.
So the getting to the date part actually was a nightmare. The C train was blocked at Ralph Ave. and we were told that the entire A/C was not running in Brooklyn. Not true, it was just the Ralph Ave. stop. Anyway, after a long wait for crowded buses, my co-worker drove me and some of my other co-workers to the J train, where we took that into Manhattan and transferred to the F train, about an hour long ordeal. So much for getting into the city early. So after a long ride on the J and the F, standing the whole time in uncomfortable shoes on the F... I made it to Bryant Park. Immediately my mood was lifted. It's the holidays and the city is bustling with holiday markets, trees, lights, it's beautiful, if not a bit cheesey/overkill. But it still made me smile.
So, D and I met up in the holiday market at the large tree in the middle. It was nice and easy, and comfortable again right away. We decided to head up to the UES for dinner. I know that choosing this restaurant put me indefinitely closer to his apartment, and well... potentially physical situations. I chose it anyway, why not? He was in my apartment on Saturday. Seems fair. After walking to the train, standing on the train up to 86th street, and then having to walk up to 93rd (I was told it was only 91st!!), my feet felt like they were being put through a meat grinder. And I felt so bad, but my feet HURT. I was complaining the entire way, I'm sure he thought that was awesome. So the entire walk there was really revolving around how much my feet hurt and me apologizing for complaining so much. If we did talk about anything else, the memory of the pain has blocked that out. We reach the restaurant, sit, and ahhh.. I can think again.
We had a nice dinner, with some decent wine and conversation. Then the topic came up of what we were going to do after dinner. There were two options basically on the table... back to his apartment.. or home. I chose his apartment. A) it was closer B) it was early C) I wanted to go to his apartment D) all of the above. He was gracious enough to suggest that we take the crosstown bus back to his place, and not struggle with me walking from Lex to York. Yikes. I'm not usually opposed to walking, and it was a great night... but my feet.
Back at his place, we stopped to pick up some gum/tic tacs (dinner was onion-y) and then up to his apartment. I have been in a few guys apartments since moving to the city, but if I had to draw in my mind a "typical guys" apartment, it would probably look much like this. And maybe I've found someone who can truly rival me in messiness? That could be dangerous!
We made out for a while, and it was nice, and before I knew it, it got pretty late. So, instead of leaving, he decided to show me his Wii (pronounced "we" sounds dirty... it's not! It's a Nintendo, go figure.), and I'm not really knowledgeable on the video games (clearly, I didn't know what a Wii was!), being that I can't remember the last time I played one... well until last night. So he wanted me to try out the Wii controller, and they have a bowling game on there, so of course, I'm sold! I love bowling more than anything else. I was really nervous at first about playing. I'm not sure why. Maybe I thought he'd think less of me if I wasn't good at video games? I don't know, but I was suddenly very nervous and self conscious. Not a feeling I deal well with, especially after feeling so comfortable with someone. Eventually I loosened up, and managed a good game in bowling, and then we tested out the tennis game... which I absolutely sucked at. But I did get a *little* (and by little, I mean not much really at all) bit better after a few rounds. It's a tricky thing... the Wii. I might need some more practice.
After the games, it was definitely late, and I had a bus and two trains to catch to get home. And after a 6 hour date, following a 9.5 hour date, it's been marathon dating. D walked me to the bus, and waited there with me in the cold (so nice!) until the bus came. Even after all that time we had just spent together, I was surprised that I was just a teensy bit sad that I had to go - it may have been the dread of the trip ahead of me as well. Surprisingly it took me less time than I imagined it would to get home, a little over an hour, but coming from the UES around midnight... it wasn't so bad. So, I got home around 1, and passed out.
I've been contemplating why I got self-conscious and nervous when we played the video games, and I've finally put my finger on it... I'm going to let it percolate over the next few days. We have a third date on Thursday, and I'm really looking forward to it. I just hope I don't let my insecurities get in the way before then.
the "more" of the date from yesterday.
Here's the nitty gritty...
We had originally planned a Thursday night 2nd date, but after a series of texts on Sunday, the guy (ok... time for a "blog name..." from here on out let's call him D, so original, I know), so D texted me and asked me if I was free Monday night instead. I was, and it actually works better for me because Monday I get out before 4, Thursday not until 5:30... so I could easily get into the city at a reasonable hour on Monday. I opted for a pair of heels, not my best dating choice... Let's just say my walking ability was hindered slightly.
So the getting to the date part actually was a nightmare. The C train was blocked at Ralph Ave. and we were told that the entire A/C was not running in Brooklyn. Not true, it was just the Ralph Ave. stop. Anyway, after a long wait for crowded buses, my co-worker drove me and some of my other co-workers to the J train, where we took that into Manhattan and transferred to the F train, about an hour long ordeal. So much for getting into the city early. So after a long ride on the J and the F, standing the whole time in uncomfortable shoes on the F... I made it to Bryant Park. Immediately my mood was lifted. It's the holidays and the city is bustling with holiday markets, trees, lights, it's beautiful, if not a bit cheesey/overkill. But it still made me smile.
So, D and I met up in the holiday market at the large tree in the middle. It was nice and easy, and comfortable again right away. We decided to head up to the UES for dinner. I know that choosing this restaurant put me indefinitely closer to his apartment, and well... potentially physical situations. I chose it anyway, why not? He was in my apartment on Saturday. Seems fair. After walking to the train, standing on the train up to 86th street, and then having to walk up to 93rd (I was told it was only 91st!!), my feet felt like they were being put through a meat grinder. And I felt so bad, but my feet HURT. I was complaining the entire way, I'm sure he thought that was awesome. So the entire walk there was really revolving around how much my feet hurt and me apologizing for complaining so much. If we did talk about anything else, the memory of the pain has blocked that out. We reach the restaurant, sit, and ahhh.. I can think again.
We had a nice dinner, with some decent wine and conversation. Then the topic came up of what we were going to do after dinner. There were two options basically on the table... back to his apartment.. or home. I chose his apartment. A) it was closer B) it was early C) I wanted to go to his apartment D) all of the above. He was gracious enough to suggest that we take the crosstown bus back to his place, and not struggle with me walking from Lex to York. Yikes. I'm not usually opposed to walking, and it was a great night... but my feet.
Back at his place, we stopped to pick up some gum/tic tacs (dinner was onion-y) and then up to his apartment. I have been in a few guys apartments since moving to the city, but if I had to draw in my mind a "typical guys" apartment, it would probably look much like this. And maybe I've found someone who can truly rival me in messiness? That could be dangerous!
We made out for a while, and it was nice, and before I knew it, it got pretty late. So, instead of leaving, he decided to show me his Wii (pronounced "we" sounds dirty... it's not! It's a Nintendo, go figure.), and I'm not really knowledgeable on the video games (clearly, I didn't know what a Wii was!), being that I can't remember the last time I played one... well until last night. So he wanted me to try out the Wii controller, and they have a bowling game on there, so of course, I'm sold! I love bowling more than anything else. I was really nervous at first about playing. I'm not sure why. Maybe I thought he'd think less of me if I wasn't good at video games? I don't know, but I was suddenly very nervous and self conscious. Not a feeling I deal well with, especially after feeling so comfortable with someone. Eventually I loosened up, and managed a good game in bowling, and then we tested out the tennis game... which I absolutely sucked at. But I did get a *little* (and by little, I mean not much really at all) bit better after a few rounds. It's a tricky thing... the Wii. I might need some more practice.
After the games, it was definitely late, and I had a bus and two trains to catch to get home. And after a 6 hour date, following a 9.5 hour date, it's been marathon dating. D walked me to the bus, and waited there with me in the cold (so nice!) until the bus came. Even after all that time we had just spent together, I was surprised that I was just a teensy bit sad that I had to go - it may have been the dread of the trip ahead of me as well. Surprisingly it took me less time than I imagined it would to get home, a little over an hour, but coming from the UES around midnight... it wasn't so bad. So, I got home around 1, and passed out.
I've been contemplating why I got self-conscious and nervous when we played the video games, and I've finally put my finger on it... I'm going to let it percolate over the next few days. We have a third date on Thursday, and I'm really looking forward to it. I just hope I don't let my insecurities get in the way before then.
Short and Sweet.
2nd date with guy from the weekend last night.
More to come...
Briefly: I wore bad shoes and my feet hurt all night, we went to dinner, there was some making out at his place. A scheduled 3rd date. I got home way too late and I'm really tired today.
More to come...
Briefly: I wore bad shoes and my feet hurt all night, we went to dinner, there was some making out at his place. A scheduled 3rd date. I got home way too late and I'm really tired today.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Comfortable
I'm not sure that I want to blog about good dates anymore. After all that happened with T, I feel really cautious about trusting someone else's signals... even though they seem crystal clear.
So today, I had a date. I broke a rule that I usually follow with dates with this one. I talked to him A LOT before we met. After talking to him, via IM, phone, or email every day since Monday, I was wondering if we would have anything to talk about. So the date... It started at 3pm. We met at the fountain by Borough Hall and walked down Montague street to the Promenade. It was a beautifully clear, warm December afternoon. Amazing weather. So we walked along the Promenade which has great views of the Brooklyn Bridge and lower Manhattan. From there we continued along through Brooklyn Heights down into Dumbo. (Some of you may be thinking... this walk sounds VERY familiar! I do take many people on this very walk.) We stopped at Jacques Torres for some very wicked hot chocolate. The wicked hot chocolate is spiced with chili peppers, and it's quite good. It's well worth a walk. Things were ok at this point. We were talking, making early on-awkward conversation. It helped that he had never been to that area before, even though he used to work right there! It's always nice to have a new audience to show the pretty things and expose to the best hot chocolate in the world. We walked over to Empire Fulton Ferry State Park, which is a small park that is tucked away between the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges. It's right on the water, and it's a really nice, quiet place to sit, talk, and enjoy the hot chocolate. We sat for a little while, then walked back into downtown Brooklyn Heights. About an hour had passed by this point, and I wasn't really sure if he was interested, or if I was. If he had said at that point that he had to go home, I wouldn't have been surprised, but he didn't. We continued walking all the way down Court Street, and decided to go to the Tea Lounge to sit and warm up for a bit. We sat at the Tea Lounge and talked for at least 3 hours. Things at that point started to get a lot more comfortable, and we both opened up a lot more.
We stayed at the Tea Lounge until 8pm or so, when we moved the date over to my neighborhood Thai restaurant (yes, my dating one!) where we were the only ones in the place (We passed Joya, and it was WAY too crowded and loud). The food was good, and the conversation continued well through dinner. After dinner, it was around 9:30, and I don't think either of us wanted the date to end. He suggested that we go get a drink, so we walked around and went to a local neighborhood bar, not far from my apartment. We drank wine and talked, and at some point we started not holding hands exactly, but definitely finger-playing and hands on top of hands. There was a lot of hand touching... I don't really know how to explain it. It was very comfortable though, it felt really natural. I mean I guess after 6 hours with someone, it might feel natural with anyone. But I don't know it felt easy. We left the bar around 11:30, and I made a comment that if we spent a half hour more together, our date would be 2 days long. So he said, let's spend the half hour then... We couldn't figure out anything to do for the last half hour, so he decided he'd just walk me back to my apartment and we'd call it a night, 8 and a half hours was plenty long for a first date. (Although we did discuss that probably around the 4th hour or so, it became a second date)
He walked me to my apartment, and kissed me goodnight. We stood outside my gate kissing for quite a while, when finally I asked him to come upstairs. We kissed for a little bit on the couch. We definitely made it past the midnight mark. Around 12:10 I heard my roommate coming up the stairs, and I panicked slightly. I grabbed his coat, and told him it was probably time he got going. I did a quick introduction to the roommate, and practically dragged him out of the apartment. It wasn't that I minded him being there, I just felt a little strange with my roommate coming home, and it was still our first date and all... So we kissed by the door some more, and he made certain that I knew he was interested in seeing me again. So about 9 and a half hours after the date began, it ended.
He texted me not 10 minutes later, asking me for a "third" date. :) I'm happy. Actually, slightly giddy right now. I know I should be cautious, I should guard my heart and not get these damn expectations up.... but it's just hard not to. I felt really comfortable with him and I'm not really sure why, but I'm pretty sure he feels similarly to me.
So today, I had a date. I broke a rule that I usually follow with dates with this one. I talked to him A LOT before we met. After talking to him, via IM, phone, or email every day since Monday, I was wondering if we would have anything to talk about. So the date... It started at 3pm. We met at the fountain by Borough Hall and walked down Montague street to the Promenade. It was a beautifully clear, warm December afternoon. Amazing weather. So we walked along the Promenade which has great views of the Brooklyn Bridge and lower Manhattan. From there we continued along through Brooklyn Heights down into Dumbo. (Some of you may be thinking... this walk sounds VERY familiar! I do take many people on this very walk.) We stopped at Jacques Torres for some very wicked hot chocolate. The wicked hot chocolate is spiced with chili peppers, and it's quite good. It's well worth a walk. Things were ok at this point. We were talking, making early on-awkward conversation. It helped that he had never been to that area before, even though he used to work right there! It's always nice to have a new audience to show the pretty things and expose to the best hot chocolate in the world. We walked over to Empire Fulton Ferry State Park, which is a small park that is tucked away between the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges. It's right on the water, and it's a really nice, quiet place to sit, talk, and enjoy the hot chocolate. We sat for a little while, then walked back into downtown Brooklyn Heights. About an hour had passed by this point, and I wasn't really sure if he was interested, or if I was. If he had said at that point that he had to go home, I wouldn't have been surprised, but he didn't. We continued walking all the way down Court Street, and decided to go to the Tea Lounge to sit and warm up for a bit. We sat at the Tea Lounge and talked for at least 3 hours. Things at that point started to get a lot more comfortable, and we both opened up a lot more.
We stayed at the Tea Lounge until 8pm or so, when we moved the date over to my neighborhood Thai restaurant (yes, my dating one!) where we were the only ones in the place (We passed Joya, and it was WAY too crowded and loud). The food was good, and the conversation continued well through dinner. After dinner, it was around 9:30, and I don't think either of us wanted the date to end. He suggested that we go get a drink, so we walked around and went to a local neighborhood bar, not far from my apartment. We drank wine and talked, and at some point we started not holding hands exactly, but definitely finger-playing and hands on top of hands. There was a lot of hand touching... I don't really know how to explain it. It was very comfortable though, it felt really natural. I mean I guess after 6 hours with someone, it might feel natural with anyone. But I don't know it felt easy. We left the bar around 11:30, and I made a comment that if we spent a half hour more together, our date would be 2 days long. So he said, let's spend the half hour then... We couldn't figure out anything to do for the last half hour, so he decided he'd just walk me back to my apartment and we'd call it a night, 8 and a half hours was plenty long for a first date. (Although we did discuss that probably around the 4th hour or so, it became a second date)
He walked me to my apartment, and kissed me goodnight. We stood outside my gate kissing for quite a while, when finally I asked him to come upstairs. We kissed for a little bit on the couch. We definitely made it past the midnight mark. Around 12:10 I heard my roommate coming up the stairs, and I panicked slightly. I grabbed his coat, and told him it was probably time he got going. I did a quick introduction to the roommate, and practically dragged him out of the apartment. It wasn't that I minded him being there, I just felt a little strange with my roommate coming home, and it was still our first date and all... So we kissed by the door some more, and he made certain that I knew he was interested in seeing me again. So about 9 and a half hours after the date began, it ended.
He texted me not 10 minutes later, asking me for a "third" date. :) I'm happy. Actually, slightly giddy right now. I know I should be cautious, I should guard my heart and not get these damn expectations up.... but it's just hard not to. I felt really comfortable with him and I'm not really sure why, but I'm pretty sure he feels similarly to me.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
The Salute
Tonight was my first date in over a month. This has been the longest span I've gone without a date in over a year... possibly longer. And I'm not sure how I feel about the date in general. He was nice, yes. Cute, in my type of way. Intelligent, but not arrogant about it. He's a tallish, lanky, bespectacled computer programmer (I do seem to have a type - no?) from the midwest. I think on paper it went well and we had 3 hours of really good conversation - but there may not be the level of attraction that is necessary to advance this any further. Here's how it all played out...
We met up at a bar that was a few blocks from my apartment, and I felt really well prepared for this date. We had many lengthy email exchanges prior to the date, which sometimes sets the stage for disaster. I had done my research on him (of course!) prior to the date, and found through myspace that we actually have a mutual friend. I decided not to reveal my stalker tendencies to him before we met though. We had arranged to meet at the bar around 7:45ish, and I wanted to be there early, so leaving my apartment at 7:38 allowed me this. I walk in and I see a guy sitting at the bar. He had brown hair, glasses, and even though he didn't really look like the guy I was supposed to be meeting, some people don't photograph consistently. So I kind of smiled at the guy who was sitting at the bar, ordered my drink, and waited to see if the guy at the bar would come over and introduce himself. Ahh, he did not. And when he spoke to the bartender I heard he had a very thick European accent, definitely not the midwestern boy I was supposed to be meeting. No sooner do I realize this does my real date show up, looking just like his pictures, well as much as one does look like their photographs online.
We shook hands, and sat at the bar. It wasn't an awkward initial "do I go for the hug/handshake?" question like I had on my first date with T, this guy is just a handshake type guy. So we talked for hours about a lot of different things... my job, the sad state of education in the New York City public schools, books, hometowns, Brooklyn. Really, it was good, natural conversation. Not really first date kind of conversation, but kind of complete strangers who are trying hard not to appear to be strangers conversation... that's the best description I can find.
So around 10:30, he needs to go home, and has a decently long train ride ahead of him (which involves 2 trains, one of them being the G... if you know anything about the G, an off hour train ride can be an unpleasant experience). So, we call it a night, and then my question of how is this going to end starts creeping into my mind... Hug? Handshake? Well.. he had it all figured out. He raised two fingers to his head, and saluted... oh yes. Saluted me goodnight. Wow. I don't know how that plays out in my mind, but I think that's the only thing that would really deter me from seeing this person again. Not that I'm under the impression AT ALL that a salute implies that this guy has any interest in seeing me again. When my roommate asked me when I got home how it went, my best reply was... well, I wouldn't be OPPOSED to seeing him again, but I wouldn't be heartbroken if I didn't.
We met up at a bar that was a few blocks from my apartment, and I felt really well prepared for this date. We had many lengthy email exchanges prior to the date, which sometimes sets the stage for disaster. I had done my research on him (of course!) prior to the date, and found through myspace that we actually have a mutual friend. I decided not to reveal my stalker tendencies to him before we met though. We had arranged to meet at the bar around 7:45ish, and I wanted to be there early, so leaving my apartment at 7:38 allowed me this. I walk in and I see a guy sitting at the bar. He had brown hair, glasses, and even though he didn't really look like the guy I was supposed to be meeting, some people don't photograph consistently. So I kind of smiled at the guy who was sitting at the bar, ordered my drink, and waited to see if the guy at the bar would come over and introduce himself. Ahh, he did not. And when he spoke to the bartender I heard he had a very thick European accent, definitely not the midwestern boy I was supposed to be meeting. No sooner do I realize this does my real date show up, looking just like his pictures, well as much as one does look like their photographs online.
We shook hands, and sat at the bar. It wasn't an awkward initial "do I go for the hug/handshake?" question like I had on my first date with T, this guy is just a handshake type guy. So we talked for hours about a lot of different things... my job, the sad state of education in the New York City public schools, books, hometowns, Brooklyn. Really, it was good, natural conversation. Not really first date kind of conversation, but kind of complete strangers who are trying hard not to appear to be strangers conversation... that's the best description I can find.
So around 10:30, he needs to go home, and has a decently long train ride ahead of him (which involves 2 trains, one of them being the G... if you know anything about the G, an off hour train ride can be an unpleasant experience). So, we call it a night, and then my question of how is this going to end starts creeping into my mind... Hug? Handshake? Well.. he had it all figured out. He raised two fingers to his head, and saluted... oh yes. Saluted me goodnight. Wow. I don't know how that plays out in my mind, but I think that's the only thing that would really deter me from seeing this person again. Not that I'm under the impression AT ALL that a salute implies that this guy has any interest in seeing me again. When my roommate asked me when I got home how it went, my best reply was... well, I wouldn't be OPPOSED to seeing him again, but I wouldn't be heartbroken if I didn't.
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