Just Say No.

I've been taking a break from dating this week. Feeling a bit of a burnout, after 3 in a row last week, and so many unsuccessful attempts. I really wanted to take this week to recoup, regain my strength for the week coming up. However, as hard as I try to stay away from dating, the men just keep coming.

Yesterday, I was waiting for the train on the way home from work. I try to be as anti-social as possible on the train. iPod, book, reading the subway ads, anything really to keep me from making eye contact with strangers. I was just putting my headphones in and getting ready to enjoy my 20 minute commute, when a man approaches. He says, You're a teacher, right? Now... I was not carrying any books with me (it's the end of the year and my report cards are done. Like I'm going to do any work at home!), and I was dressed casually in a t-shirt, jeans, and sandals (not really teacher attire), and from all I could tell I had no marker/chalk/visible stains that some teachers carry with them as a proud badge. I had to assume he either knew what school I taught at, maybe he was the father of one of my students, or he was going on the basis that I'm white. I'm not saying that there aren't any white people where I teach... but um, there aren't any white people other than the people who work in the nearby schools. I assured him that I was in fact a teacher. At this point, I didn't think he was trying to hit on me. It doesn't happen all that often, and when it does, I realize it so late, I'm either knee deep in something I don't want to be in or have missed my opportunity. So, he starts talking to me, and mentions that he's seen me before on the train. Ok, I see a lot of the same people on the train every morning. When you commute on the same train, same subway car, everyday, 5 days a week at the same time, it tends to happen. It's not a crowded train, since it's going in the opposite direction that most people commute (away from Manhattan), so you notice people, of course. I wasn't immediately alerted by the fact that he had noticed me. He asked me how old I was. I told him I was 25, and his reply was, "wow, you're young." He didn't look that much older than me, but at that remark, I grew slightly concerned. So I asked him how old he was, to which he replied, "26." Hmm. Yes, 25 is younger than 26. Maybe a whole year younger, but doubtful since I'll be 26 in a few months. I didn't think that was a great enough age difference to warrant a "wow" comment.
*Sidenote, kind of makes me rethink my own age issues when it comes to dating 25 year olds*
We continued talking until the train came, at which point he chose that time to ask me my name and tell me his. There's nothing more opportune than exchanging vital information with the deafening sounds of the subway rolling in. I kind of pretended that I heard his name, not really thinking I would need this information later. He sat with me on the subway and asked me for my number. At this point, we were in the same subway car, we had just left the stop we got on at... I had no idea how long I'd be committed to sharing space with him. That, and I'm just really bad a rejecting people. I could've given him a fake number, the thought ran through my mind briefly, until I remembered that he rides the same train as I do and could cause future awkwardness. That wasn't going to work either. So, I gave him my number knowing full well that this guy is not my type at all. He got off a few stops later, promising he'd call me later. I knew all to well that of course he was going to.

I didn't answer the first time he called. I let it go to voicemail, thinking I'd at least buy myself a day or so with that, before he'd call again. Wrong. Apparently, some guys don't follow those rules. He called again. Maybe an hour or so later. I answered the phone before I even looked at the caller id. Damn. So, I'm on the phone with this guy. We were talking for a while, and he does have a very nice personality. He made me laugh and he seems intelligent. The first question he asked me - What type of restaurant do you like to go to on a first date? Whoa buddy, slow down. I reply with an evasive... Hmm, I don't have one particular place in general (LIE - neighborhood Thai restaurant is clearly my favorite!), to which he follows up his first question with a second - What type of flowers do you like on a first date? Flowers? On a first date? Um.. none - I told him. I was floored at how upfront he was. I mean, there is no game playing here. This guy likes me, and wants to make CERTAIN that I know that. I manage to steer the conversation away from first date talk, and we manage a nice conversation for a while. He mentioned again that he had seen me on the train, and asked if I had remembered him. I hadn't. Clearly. But he goes on, he says, there was one morning that I was sitting across from him (and he told me, that he sat there because he saw that I was already there..creeeeepy) and that I kept making eye-contact with him while I was talking to one of my co-workers. Now, at first I was kind of like, maybe it wasn't me, and he's just remembering it wrong, but he was able to describe both me and my colleague with whom I was speaking. Awesome. But, I shake off that slight stalkerish feeling... and again the conversation picks up nicely. And then he asks me if I remember his name. UhOh... I thought I had been in the clear. At one point, he mentioned his friends calling him "Anthony." So I was like, "Of course, you just said it, it's Anthony." And he was like "No. that's my nickname." Huh? Nickname? I know of nicknames FOR the name Anthony, but until now, I've never heard of Anthony being a nickmame for something else. I guess that is, unless your name is Anton. Right... at least now I know his name. I was ok up through this point, he was nice, and charming and clearly interested in me. And then he comes out with the statement that he wants to have kids, soon. He's been ready since he was 18, but wants one now! I think I almost fell on the floor when he said that. I made it clear that I am in no way shape or form look for any baby daddy drama or anything that has to do with me having a child. I kind of stuttered and stammered for a bit, and thank the lord for call waiting, got another call and told him I had to go.

I doubt this is the last I've heard from my subway stalker. I may have to redirect my morning/evening commute times. Try another subway car. Drive to work. Maybe I'll buy a bike. There's only 2 more weeks of school left anyway.

I should probably just be honest, but in the real world (i.e. outside of jdate) where rejection is a bit harder than just ignoring emails and IMs that I don't want to respond to... I find that I need much practice in just saying no.