Grouchy.

I feel like I may be getting myself into trouble with this new guy. I can't tell if it's because of the general lack of sleep that has existed in my life since last Thursday, or because I'm fooling myself. I don't know. I do know that I've been extremely grouchy today, and really tired on top of it all. I want to go back to the first date, where it was just the facts, and not so complex.

Last night, he came over to my house under the pretense of watching a movie and ordering some pizza. We did order pizza, but the movie was never watched. Not for any reasons any of you might infer, either. We ended up just talking on the couch for about 5 hours. Just talking I'd say for 95% of the time, 5% kissing. I'm not looking to rush this any farther, and I can really just get caught up in the conversation that I don't want to be distracted by other things. I go back and forth on the physical aspect of this relationship. I like it, but sometimes I question if I enjoy it or not. I think I might really prefer to develop the friendship and see if the physical part comes a little more naturally later. He's still super awkward when it comes to all of that. I actually had to tell him last night that he doesn't need to tell me that he's going to kiss me before he does. Seriously, it's like a play by play announcer in the room.

Announcing aside, there are little things that bother me about this budding relationship. Nothing substantial or anything of note, but I'm wondering if it's my guard going up, or something else entirely. I don't expect to know how I feel about him after less than a month, and I wouldn't feel so badly about it except he seems to be pretty confident in how he feels about me, and doesn't stop telling me. He's still over complimentary. Last night's best one was, "I like your ears." Um, dude, it's GOT to stop. It's getting to the point where it actually makes me a bit uncomfortable.

November has never been a good dating month for me. For some reason this year I'm reminded of my relationship with T and how he dropped off the face of the earth, mid November. Part of me wants to do that. Just drop off the planet for a little while. I feel like I know what I want, ultimately, and a guy who is still living with his ex-wife (lesbian or not), has been divorced just barely over a year, doesn't seem to know what he wants in his life... I hate to say all this, because I DO like him. A lot in fact, it's just that at the end of the day, I'm not dating just to date anymore. I'm dating because I am looking to be with one person. And even though Mr. Perfect and I haven't been broken up for that long, I feel like I've been doing this forever.

So what does all this mean for the guy who lives with his ex. Do we have a connection - undoubtedly so. He makes me laugh, we can talk for hours at a time, and he has no trouble showing me how interested he is in me... so what's my problem?? Maybe it's the physical? I enjoy it when it feels natural and not awkward as hell. I'm still working through this one, but for now I need a good night's rest and some time to process all that I want.