It's a crying shame.

I hope this will be my last school related post, although I haven't been dating lately, so at least it gives me something to write about.

Before today, I could never imagine having a day like today. It was bad on a scale so unbelievably terrible... I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I've spent most of the day crying or trying not to cry in front of my students. And the best part? It had absolutely nothing to do with my kids.

This morning I got to school early because I had parent conferences with 4 of my students' parents because they've been causing an exceptional amount of problems, and I don't know what to do about it. The meeting was pushed back to 9 pm to accommodate more of the parents' schedules, but no one lets me know that of course. So I arrive in time for an 8 am meeting, find out it's been moved, and go to my room to get some work done. My principal comes up to my room at 8:25, a mere 10 minutes before I need to go pick up my kids. She says she needs to talk to me, and comes into my room. She then proceeds to tell me that she doesn't hold teachers hostage at the school and I am more than welcome to leave. What?? Where did that come from? She then goes on to say that I'm just about the worst teacher on staff, and she doesn't understand why I can't do anything that I'm asked to do. At this point, I'm visibly upset, but still trying to hold back my tears because I know I have to go pick up my kids. We had a principals meeting with all the principals from the region and the local and regional superintendents at our school on Wednesday. My principal had been on our backs for about a week straight to get our rooms cleaned, current work up on the bulletins boards, and creating a visible learning environment. I have no problem doing this. I worked my ASS off to get my room ready. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not organized and quite possibly the messiest person that exists. My classroom mirrors that pretty well. She goes on to say that she asked me to do 3 things in my room before Wednesday and I had done none of them. Then, she goes on to tell me that a lot of my students' parents made complaints about me, and that she knows I just hate it here, and why am I still here. At that point I lost it, and really started crying because I HAD done exactly what she asked, I love my students, and I've never gotten anything but positive feedback. In fact when she first told me that a parent had made a complaint about me, I asked her who it was and she told me. I called that parent that night, not to ask specifically about the complaint, but just to see if she had any concerns. The mother told me that she was so glad her son was in my class, and she was so happy I was his teacher, and I was going to be able to do so much for him this year. I told my principal what the mother had said this morning, and her first reaction was, you called her? (which makes me think it was a lie) To which I responded, of course I called her. If she has a problem with something I'm doing, I'd much rather work that out than have issues all year. My principal then said, Well... you know, parents are two-faced. I was floored, and really really upset. I work really hard for my kids, I do a lot of things that a lot of other teachers wouldn't even think to do for their classrooms, and nothing I do is even noticed, let alone appreciated. So after she spent a good half an hour telling me that I'm doing a bad job, everyone thinks so... she said I could either figure out why I can't seem to do anything that I'm told and what can be done to change that, or leave. I'm seriously considering the latter. The best part was when she told me that she was going to tell me last night at 5:30 after I was done teaching test preparation, but she didn't want to ruin my evening and have me upset. So she'd rather ruin my entire day, and have me upset and on the verge of tears ALL day.

I went to go pick up my class, and bumped into the computer teacher. She could tell I had been crying and pulled me into her room to talk. As soon as she asked me, what's wrong? I lost it. I always do. Without a doubt, I can pull myself together and act cool and calm, so long as I don't have to talk about what is really bothering me. So I start crying again, and have to leave just to pull myself together. I finally get to my class, the math coach was watching them (making them walk up and down the hallway) until I got there. And I'm sure they could all tell I had been crying, but only one of them was stupid enough to say something. For the most part, my class was pretty good today, which of course made me even more upset. I then spent most of my morning in the rescheduled parent conference, wondering of course, if these parents were any of the ones that had complained. Usually it is the parents of the worst kids that have the most complaints. Their children aren't succeeding and they need someone or something to blame. Of course it CAN'T be their child's fault. Never.

By the end of the day, I had cried at least 4 or 5 more times. The rest of the staff that I talked to was shocked when I told them, and one teacher who's been there for 6 years told me that this is just the principal's style. She doesn't like teachers who stand up for themselves, so she feels the need to "break" them. I've never been a pushover, and when I really and truly believe in something, I have a hard time just backing down and agreeing to do something I don't think is right or, in this case, best for my students.

I am going to speak with my principal tomorrow. I have formulated what I am going to say to try to explain to her why I "can't seem to do anything that is asked of me" and I'm also going to talk to my Union rep too. I feel attacked, and I don't like being treated like I'm not doing my job when I most certainly am.

If anyone knows of any job openings at other schools in New York or New Jersey, pass them my way!