"It ended bad, but I love what we started"

As promised... the recaps of dates 4 & 5 with T. Now some of you have voiced concern about these being "watered down" because T has the blog link. I promise I will be as honest and as unbiased as possible. He may read this (Hi T!) or he may not. (If I knew someone was writing and posting things about me on the internet, I would read it.) Regardless, I don't feel any anger or upset** about the situation, so these posts should be *almost* as good as if I had blogged them right after they happened (maybe less giddy than I would have been then). I'm glad to have had these two dates, and as my posts are usually driven towards the negative aspects of the dates, I think it's nice to read something good for once.


** After writing the post below, I probably am still upset by how things turned out. But it's hard to write so many good things and believe that it was all a farce.

Date #4 - November 1st
It was a Wednesday night, and as my week goes, Wednesdays are traditionally work nights for me. I spend a lot of time doing school work since it's the only night the local library is open until 8pm. So, I packed up my laptop, my homework for class, school work, and headed down to the library with every intention of staying there until 8 and then moving to the tea lounge (on Court St.) for a quiet place to work on my NaNoWriMo novel. It was the first day I could start writing and I really didn't want to fall behind. While I was walking to the library, my phone rang. It was T. I hadn't talked to him since our last date the previous Friday. (Not For Tourists.) I called him on Sunday when I got back from Connecticut, he called me the following Monday while I was at school, I returned his call that night, and Wednesday was him returning my call. So we chatted while I walked to the library. It was a gorgeously warm evening for the first of November, and T asked me if I wanted to come by to the park and take a walk once I was done my work at the library. I really shouldn't have gone. I had a ton of work to do, but I wanted to see T more than I wanted to start writing my novel, so I did all the classwork I had to do for grad school, and took the train over to Park Slope.

We met outside his building, and walked into the park. T carried my laptop bag for me the whole night, which was really nice, because I was tired of lugging it around. We sat on a bench by the water for a little, and then walked some more, deeper into the park by the man-made waterfall. We made out there for a while. It was dark and romantic, and very nice. For someone as shy though as T claims to be, he was very aggressive in progressing the physical part of the relationship. So after a decent amount of time passed, he asked if I wanted to walk more and go lie on the grass in another part of the park. I agreed that would be nice, and we ended up in one of the larger open fields of the park. It was completely empty, which was really nice for it being such a warm pleasant night out. We sat underneath a beautifully damaged tree. From one side the tree had full foliage and majestic branches. The other side had branches completely broken off by wind. It was such a striking difference from the opposite side of the tree, I marveled in its contrast. The image is still impressed vividly in my mind. We laid in the grass for a while, making out, talking, just enjoying the serenity of the park in opposition to the city. It was during that time that I decided that I really liked him. I wasn't worried what other people were going to think of him, or of the relationship like I usually do. I wasn't concerned if we were doing these dates the way they should or if I should be playing by "the rules." I remember lying there in the grass, turning my head to look at him, and think "Yup, I really like him." and he seemed to really like me too, which of course made things even better. At one point, he asked me if I wanted to come back to his apartment to meet his cat and see his dictionary. (Yes, that was his exact invitation.) Of course, I agreed.

Back in his apartment, I met his adorable cat. I'm not a cat person, but as soon as I walked in his cat rolled onto his side for me to rub his belly. I was hooked. Then came the dictionary. An impressive 2nd edition of the Oxford English Dictionary. I had only seen the multi-volume set, and this is an impressive piece in any collection. He has a small one bedroom apartment, which is really nice, but there is no couch, and his bed is lofted, so there was no where for us to sit together. We ended up lying on his floor, making out, talking, etc (same as the park) for a long time. One of the things he said which made me think he was interested in pursuing a relationship was how it was dangerous that I lived so close, only 4 stops on the F train. He mentioned he'd be missing a lot of sleep. I took that as meaning from spending nights with me. He asked if I wanted to spend the night, and tried to convince me to sleep there, and get up early the next morning to take the train home. I lost track of the time, and before I knew it, it was after midnight. I had to work the next day, I guess I'd be missing night's of sleep as well. But I knew I wasn't ready to spend the night, I did not want to do anything wrong with this one. Before I left, he asked me if I wanted to "do this again very soon." (his words) He said he'd be too tired the next day (Thursday) but asked me out for Friday. I was going home for my friend's birthday in Philly, so I said Saturday would work better for me. He said he didn't know what his plans were, but he would call me by Saturday to let me know.

I was a little surprised then on Friday when I got a phone call from T in the middle of the afternoon. He told me that he had gone to a state park in western New Jersey, and asked me if I wanted to come there Saturday instead of us hanging out in Brooklyn. I told him I'd consider it, and call him around noon the next day to let him know. After weighing the options, I decided I wouldn't go. It would have been a two and half hour drive from my parents' house to get to the park, and another 2+ hours to get back to the city. I was taking Salsa lessons the following morning in Manhattan, so I had to come back to the city Saturday night. The bridge was closed because of the marathon, and it just didn't make sense for me to drive so far out of my way for just a few hours with T. Even though I was disappointed that I wasn't going to get to see T on Saturday, I was glad to have some time to do some writing and work on some of my papers.

Date #5 - November 4th
T called around 11 that morning while I was still at my parents' house (I was supposed to call him at noon, remember). Since I wasn't rushing back to the city for anything, I took my time getting all my work done. He told me that he changed his mind, and he was coming back to the city early instead of staying in New Jersey, and asked me if I wanted to hang out still. Of course I did. So I rushed to get the work done, and headed back into the city. Heinvited me to come to his apartment and we'd order in dinner. Sounded good to me. I feel like there is something more intimate about eating dinner with someone in their own apartment. There are no distractions, it's not for show for anyone else, it's just about the people there.

I got to his place around 6. We ordered in Indian food. I browsed his book collection, played with the cat. It was very comfortable; we talked about a 1994 (?) road atlas, the meaning of the word "dight", poisonous wildflowers, bugs, birds, and his extensive David Attenborough video collection. Things I have little to no extensive prior knowledge on, but that didn't deter my interest. Though, I probably didn't contribute as much to the conversation as much as he might have wanted. When the dinner arrived, T arranged the plates and set up a very nice dinner by candle light and low lighting. Romantic. I wonder why I would be assuming that this guy actually liked me? After dinner, T wanted to show me one of his Attenborough DVDs, but again the lack of couch situation meant we had to sit on the floor. It was ok though, T sat behind me, with me sitting between his legs. Of course we didn't watch the dvd for very long. T was very persistent in trying to move the relationship on a little more physically than I felt comfortable with. I managed (not without struggle) to keep all my clothes on, however. There were no signs to me that I was doing anything that he wasn't enjoying, but apparently I should have been more shy even though he was the aggressor. He invited me again to spend the night, which I again, politely, refused. I thought there was plenty of time, we could take things slow and steady.

When I was ready to leave, it was early enough that I felt that I could take the train back safely by myself. T offered to walk me to the train, but I felt that was unnecessary. He was already at his apartment. Had we been out, I would have said yes. He insisted. We walked outside, and then he insisted on driving me home instead of me taking the train. I argued that it was totally ridiculous for him to drive me home, it's such a short train ride away, and he'd lose his parking spot. He reasoned that he doesn't get to drive all that much in the city, and that he really wanted to drive me home. With much reluctance, I agreed. I try to think back to the conversation we had in the car, if I said something inappropriate, maybe asked too many questions, maybe just was irritating to him. The car ride I feel MUST have been the turning point. Why else would he had still been trying so hard up until that point. He dropped me off at the corner of my street, and I kissed him goodbye. The rest... well, that's history.

In other endings - I had to go to school today (Yes, on Saturday) for a workshop. I got on the local train only one stop before my stop, so I had a quick ride. I stood by the door. I was tired after being out past 2 last night, and not really focused. I hear the door in between cars open and I turned to look at who was coming in.... The Subway Stalker!! But to be perfectly honest, I didn't mind seeing him. He told me that he only has one more day left at his job and then he has to find a new one. We parted after going through the turnstile, he didn't offer to walk me out today. So, this means no more subway rides together. I can't believe this is the end of the Subway Stalker. I think I might just miss him.