Guest Blogger

and for a change of pace, my wonderfully fabulous roommate saved me the time of having to retell this one...

Kate here, Erica's roommate—I'm filling in tonight, since Erica seems
a bit wiped out by tonight's date. I thought I'd just transcribe out
conversation for your reading pleasure.
Erica [arriving at the top of the stairs bright red because it's 900
degrees in our building.]: I just got back from the worst date
ever…well, no. But really bad. Really, really bad.
First of all, he was wearing….[laughter]…I shouldn't judge people by
what they wear, but…
Kate: Yes you should.
E. He was wearing an aquamarine polo shirt—the color of your pants
[NB: I am wearing silk VS pants]—tucked in to…are we ready for what
they are tucked into? Can you guess? Can you make a wild stab?
K: Manpris?
E: No no no, think worst style. If you saw a guy wearing these you'd
think "that guy has no style"
K: Tapered jeans?
E: But what color tapered jeans? I tried taking a picture on my
cellphone.
K: Acid wash?
E: No no no, black. Tight black tapered jeans. Wrangler jeans. Where
would they sell wrangler jeans in the city, K-Mart maybe?
And then, large white RUNNING SHOES.
That's what he was wearing. On the date. OHH, belted. His jeans were
belted. But of course they were—it was tucked in. to tapered black
jeans. Pulled up so high on his waist that I think I could see his
entire package.
K: So did you enjoy yourself?
E: Ok, well, looks aside. I thought maybe he'd be a good
conversationalist. We spent the entire walk to the bar, which turned
out to be closed, talking about how jury duty was the most exciting
and fulfilling experience of his life.
K: Will you turn off the toaster oven for me?
E: Jury duty. Yes. And I quote: "It was the highlight of his summer."
He's a teacher, he has the entire summer off—he's not working—the
highlight of his summer was jury duty. I believe he lives with his
parents (in Manhattan). And then he told me a story about how his mom
goes to their country house to cook eggs and then brings them back to
the city. He must have mentioned the country house three or four
times, like I'm going to be impressed that this kid has a country
house.
We went to Lombardi's for dinner….oh god, what was the conversation we
had that I was like, "Holy shit, he did not just say that."
K: It wasn't….jury duty?
E: No, that was only on the way to and from the nonexistent bar.
OH. We're walking down bowery to go to a bar after dinner…
K: Wait, you went to a nonexistent bar and dinner AND THEN to another
bar with him?
E: Yeah, but it was only three hours.
Ok, when you're on a date…how quickly do you walk? Do you powerwalk?
K: Have you met B?
E: We're walking down Bowery and I think I'm going at a pretty decent
pace, and he's like "Can you go any faster?" And then books it down
the street. I didn't realize I was getting my workout on my date
tonight.
He was showing me self defense moves at the bar…
K:…not ok.
E: All he could talk about was himself. And I ask questions and
pretend i'm interested even if all I'm thinking is "how much longer
do I have to sit here before it's socially acceptable to go home?"
Yeah. Pretty much was the worst.
No, I can't say The Worst, I've had so many bad ones.
How can I do this 5 more times this week? I want to cancel them all.
But two of them seem cool.
K: But…why are you going out with…
E: Guys who don't seem cool?
…
Yeah, so that was date number one from my week of a bazillion dates.