Honest to Blog.

Ended things with CK last night. My day went from good and happy to raging mad to sad and done with it all. Here's how it all panned out. I sent CK a text message in the middle of the day, thanking him for coming out to Jersey, asking how his day was going... blah blah blah. Didn't hear back from him, and then proceeded to do some facebook research, and found pictures of the BFPE in Philly. On New Year's Day. AT THE MUMMERS' PARADE. I lost my shit. Completely. I went through all the stages of rage in a matter of moments (how many stages of rage are there? Is it like mourning? 6 stages? rage, more rage, extra extra rage, disbelieving rage, unadulterated rage, and I'll castrate you rage.) So, saying I was mad might be an understatement. Everything from the previous weeks clicked, with him having to "work" so much, not returning my texts, being inexplicably busy during New Year's. Rage. Pure Rage. I wanted to call him right then and there, tell him off and get it over with. I had sane rational friends with me at the time, and they talked me out of it.

I spent the rest of the evening agonizing and antagonizing the situation. I spent the entire afternoon/evening with friends just to keep from doing something irrational (that and my friend has Rock Band, and it kicks ass). I decided I had to do something before the girlfriend "came" (as if she hadn't already been here) or else I'd really regret it. So I sent him a text, just seeing how the rest of his day was. This was just the goad to get him to text me back. He replied that his day was fine, how was mine? I texted back "We need to talk." I think that is the most dreadful text anyone could send, but the only other thing I could think of to text was "LIAR!" (think: Carol Kane in Princess Bride). So we talked, and it was awful. First of all, he denied that she was even here. At all. And all I'm thinking is... well, I was looking at pictures. and I know they can do a lot with technology today... but seriously. She was here. On the streets of Philadelphia. And if he didn't know about it, well then that relationship is a lot weirder than I thought. But he stuck to his guns. He swore up and down that he KNEW she was not here. And I was not about to admit that I was stalking (ehm. researching) her on Facebook, so I said that I had a friend who had a friend at UArts who knew his gf, and mentioned that she had in fact been here on the 1st. I HAVE SEEN PICTURES. It's true. I would post them here, but that would ruin the poor girl's anonymity, and besides some of you might be eating or something when you read this, I don't want to cause any bodily harm to anyone. (that was low, yes, and it's not her fault her bf is a moron, but here lies a woman scorned... and my one friend did almost throw up when she saw the picture.)


So CK and I ended up talking in circles for about an hour or so. And finally it came down to this:

Me: I want to be with someone who wants to be with me.
CK: (getting defensive) if that's what you want to believe, then fine.
Me: I don't hear you denying it.
CK: I want to be with you most of the time. (meaning not when I'm being emotional or talking about what I want in this relationship)
Me: Well, that's not good enough for me, I want someone who wants to be with me all of the time.
CK: Why don't you take the week to think about things, figure out what you want.
Me: I don't need a week. I don't want to do this anymore.

And that was pretty much it. The BFPE is supposedly here, but who knows. It seems silly to me that she was in Philly... and then went back to Canada (and I do know - thank you facebook - that she did go back), just to come back to Philly for a week? Nonsense. But at least I'm done with this for good. I can't believe this dragged on so long. Not sure how long it will be between now and my next date, but hopefully I'll have something of interest to post soon enough.