Out of My Mind.

So I like a boy. And I'm not sure how to deal with it... a few weeks pass between our dates... or I don't hear from him when I think that I should. I know he's busy, and our schedules conflict. But I feel like when I'm with him, he's thinking a lot about me and liking a lot about me, but as soon as I'm out of sight... it's completely gone from his mind. Its strange, and confusing. I haven't actually really liked a guy in a long time, and not knowing how he feels about it is clearly driving me mad.

I wish there were a way that I could find to clear him from my mind. I try focusing on work, grad school... but it creeps up on me like a virus and before I know it I'm infected with thought of him... I want to not like him. It's so much easier not to like a guy. I want him out of my mind. at least until I know for sure.

Oh, right... so about the date...

We went out last night. We met at Central Park, it was a gorgeous night. It really really doesn't get any nicer than last night. We started walking, really without any destination in mind. He wanted to see the boathouse where people play with remote control boats or something... We didn't end up finding it. We did however manage to see some of the beautiful parts of the park. I haven't explored much of Central Park, and it was really enjoyable. We wandered around, and came to a split in the road. He asked me if I wanted to go left or right... I chose left. He crossed around in front of me, as if to go to the right, and then just kissed me, in the middle of the park. I liked it. I had been nervous because we kissed at the end of the last date.. but I didn't really know what to expect from this one... as a second date. So, we continued walking, and talking, and exploring. It was a really nice time. It started to get dark, so we (rather he) decided we should leave the park, because it's not safe after dark. We sat on a park bench by the west side entrance to the park for a while, and kissed, and talked some more. After maybe an hour or so, we decided it was really time to leave the park, so we walked down to Columbus (all the while holding hands and whatnot), and ate a nice Italian restaurant (actually the same place the fish kisser took me to...). Dinner went well, I don't remember what we talked about... but it must have been good, I would have definitely remembered if it was bad. We had to take the same subway downtown, partly, until he had to transfer at 42nd. So, we were waiting for the subway, and I had my back turned to him for some reason, I think I was looking at a movie poster on the wall, and he put his arms around me while we waited. We rode the train for part of the way home, and kissed goodnight, and that was it. It was a great date.

So what's the problem? Besides the fact that I don't like to get excited about a guy, because it only ends up in disappointment... we don't really have the opportunity to see each other very often. I work during the day, he works nights... so the weeknights are out. Our first date was in August, 2nd in September, and now it's looking like if there is a 3rd, it won't be until October since I'm going home the next 2 weekends for the holidays. Talk about taking things slow.

On a good note, I don't mind that he's shorter than me. It didn't bother me at all last night. And just to clarify. He's not 3 inches shorter, just about an inch or less. I just wished he were 3 inches taller so I could wear heels...