Exit Strategy

There comes a time when you have to make a move. When something has to give. This weekend, unfortunately was NOT that time. The Gentleman and I are still going strong in the date and kiss goodnight area. Yes, the kissing goodnight lasts a great deal longer now than it did before, but I'm at the point where it needs to happen sooner. So I said something. Here's the story:

On Friday night, just a day after our nearly 12 hour date, we had plans to go see Iron Man 2 after I was done work. He had invited me on Wednesday, and had mentioned that we'd be going with his sister and brother-in-law as well. I was fairly nervous about meeting them, especially since he's told me that he's closest with this sister and I'm sure he values their opinion greatly. Not that I was worried about making a bad impression, but remember my previous experience with mothers and sisters isn't the best, and I do want them to like me. I'm pretty confident in my ability to make a good impression, but when it comes to families, I tend to be missing something crucial. I didn't want to mess this up so I definitely tried to grill my friend who knows his sister for some information, but all she could tell me was that they are the nicest couple and that I'll be fine. This didn't really ease my mind too much, but it turns out, she was completely right. We got to the theater after his brother-in-law and sister, and another couple (turns out it was a quadruple date, which was more than I bargained for!) were already waiting in line for seats. I was introduced around and I talked mostly to the Gentleman and his sister as we waited to go into the theater. Once we were in, and figured out the seating arrangements (at one point I was sitting in front of the Gentleman, in a girls in one row, boys in another weird seating arrangement, which just happened that way due to the way we walked into the rows, and that was quickly changed), I was sitting next to the Gentleman in the same row with his brother-in-law. My friend who knows him had mentioned that she thought I would get along really well him because we have very similar tastes in music and other things, and she was dead on. We talked about different beers we like, and music we're into, concerts we've seen/are going to see/want to see, and we did have a lot to talk about. He's going to see some concerts in the next few weeks that I've been really wanting to see, and he invited me to go along, with him and his wife. I think that might be a little weird at this point to go if the Gentleman doesn't go as well, but at the same time, I do really want to go...

The movie was ok, it was entertaining at least. And as we were leaving, I noticed the brother-in-law stop to talk to 2 guys at the end of the theater. Now, I should mention that the Gentleman and his brother-in-law both previously worked at the movie theater we went to and had been talking to people they knew all night - as we waited in line, walked into the theater, etc. I had said to the Gentleman that it was like being with a celebrity, since we could barely walk 10 feet without someone stopping him to say hi or give him a hug. So, I wasn't surprised when his brother-in-law stopped to talk to someone that he recognized on the way out of the theater, except I was surprised to see that I knew this person too... it was the guy who lives with his ex!! This really isn't a big deal, because I had run into him before (but I knew there was a chance I was going to see him when I went to the store where he worked), but we haven't really communicated at all in months. He didn't even notice me until we were all outside, trying to figure out what we were going to do next. He came over and gave me a hug, and we made small talk about the movie. And then he left with his friend. No big deal. I was worried that the Gentleman was going to ask me how I knew him, but he didn't. So, that ended up being a minor freak out on my part for no reason at all.

We went to the diner with the other 3 couples after the movie. It was a good time and I got to see him interact more with other people, which I think is a crucial part of getting to know someone. He still has yet to meet any of my friends, and I think that will be a good side of me for him to see soon. It was fairly late though, and I was fading fast. After no sleep on Wednesday night, and working a really long day on Friday, I was still fairly exhausted. We left the diner pretty close to 2:30, and he drove me home. Instead of just kissing me goodbye in the car, he walked me to my door (because he's a gentleman!!), and we proceeded to say goodbye for half an hour. It was late and he needed to get home, but we were having a hard time just saying goodnight and going. So I asked him what he was doing Saturday night after work, and he said he didn't have plans. So I invited him to come over after he was done working. I thought it was clear that the invitation was to continue where we were leaving off the night before, but maybe I should be clearer in my invitations.

We were texting throughout the day, and he mentioned that he couldn't stay all night, I knew what he meant. He meant there would not be a 3 hour goodbye like there was on Weds. I told him he should plan his exit strategy. This is something we've joked about before. When I'm in his car, the passenger door doesn't unlock automatically. So I have to sometimes unlock it myself, or wait for him. The first few times, I would wait for him to unlock it, until he told me that I could unlock it myself - not that I needed to, but if I wanted to. He wanted me to be able to get out in case of an emergency and it's good to know that I have an exit strategy if I need it. He's mentioned having an exit strategy before, in not parking behind me in my car, and with electrical fires (that's a long story). He's all about exit strategies, except for when it comes to leaving my house.

Saturday night, we met up for water ice at my favorite water ice place, I had built it up as being the best water ice he would ever have, so there was a lot of expectation there. Fortunately, he was a fan, because it is in fact the most delicious stuff ever made. We ate in my car because it was too cold and windy to eat outside, and we of course spent an hour talking in the car as well. We had two separate cars there because he came straight from work so we drove separately back to my place. Once there, we hung out on the couch, watched Betty White host SNL, and to my disappointment did not continue where we had left off the night before. As it was approaching 1:30, he mentioned that he needed to get home, so like the past few nights, this turned into a much longer goodnight than normal. And once we start kissing, I don't want him to leave, and I always end up fairly disappointed when he goes because I think face to face time (literally) is a crucial step to building a relationship that is going to be more than a friendship.

Since I think it's ridiculous and counter productive that we only kiss when it's time for him to go, I decided to say something... sort of. He always ends up staying longer than he wants to, but not wanting to leave, and I certainly don't make it easy for him to leave, so I told him that he needs to start saying goodbye as soon as he gets to my house. This way when he actually does need to go home, he can actually go (and we'll hopefully progress things along since it won't be right before he leaves). I may have mentioned this more than once during the hour we were "saying goodbye" last night. I also tried to get him to consider staying longer, unsuccessfully. I thought it was too dangerous with the wind and all for him to be driving home so late. Not really, but it sounded like a convincing argument. He left around 2:30, and I'll be seeing him again sometime this week.

Despite the stagnancy of the physical aspect, there is definitely progress in the relationship. The more I get to know the Gentleman, the more I like him. And every time we hang out, I learn something new or interesting about him. I'm sure this is a pretty stable way for things to progress, albeit slow. Yesterday was one month since our first date. This is the longest I've ever in my life dated someone and done nothing more than kiss. I'm sure that doesn't say much for me in the past, but it's somewhat refreshing for the present.