Assembly Required

So after 4 dates, I usually don't post in depth about the dates because it risks too much exposure about the dates that could be leading into something more serious.

But my 4th date with D was on Tuesday night this week, right after I got back to the city from having been at my parent's house for the weekend. I told him that I would go there, since he came to Brooklyn last time. We met up on UES and walked to a pseudo-trendy Thai restaurant, which he maybe thought I was going to complain about how far the walk was because he kept saying that it was kind of far... this is probably due to the shoe incident, where I complained about walking from 86th to 93rd street, but that was ONLY because my feet hurt. This was one avenue over and 9 blocks down, not very far at all, and I wouldn't have complained anyway.

During dinner, things were fine for the most part until we started talking about performance reviews at jobs. He mentioned his would be coming up within the next few months, and I made some sort of comment of how teachers are reviewed based on observations, and I think it's unfair to judge an entire year of teaching based on one lesson that the principal came in and watched. D made some sort of statement, which I'm not sure exactly still how he meant it, but he definitely said that students' improvements through standardized tests should be the basis of how well teachers teach. Oh. Well. I LOST it, I mean, I feel bad for the people sitting at the table next to us, because I was practically screaming at him, and I think I compared D at one point to George Bush, and I was angry. Like ready to walk back to the subway and chalk this up to another failed series of dates. Besides the actual disagreement that took place, I also discovered that I don't really like D's arguing style. I argue a lot, especially with the person that I'm dating, so if I'm not argumentative-compatible with someone, that's a serious factor. My biggest problem was that he would constantly interrupt me. I am a fair fighter, and I let people finish what they are saying when they are trying to make a point. D would interject over me, constantly, even when I would say "let me finish what I'm saying," he would still talk over me. Despite the fact that is just completely rude, it also makes it seem like he doesn't validate anything that I'm saying, and just wants his point to be heard. That just intensified the anger. So maybe 20 minutes later, we resolved the argument, and headed out of the restaurant. I want to clarify that the argument is not what I had a problem with, yes, I clearly disagreed with what he said, but I welcome all types of arguments and disagreements. It makes the relationship more interesting. My biggest problem was HOW he argued. If this is going to work, we're going to need to work out some sort of system to argue better.

We went back to his apartment, at which point I brought up yet another concern I had been having regarding D. The truth is, he only owns 2 pairs of shoes, work shoes and sneakers. That's fine. I don't expect a guy to own multiple pairs of color coordinated shoes to match every outfit, but the few pairs he does have should at least, well, at be decent? His work shoes are fine, I don't have any complaints about those. They are black work shoes, I do think he should probably own a pair of brown shoes to wear with brown... but that's the only issue I have with those. The sneakers, now these are a completely different story all together. All black Reebok sneakers, seen here. At first I thought I was overreacting, they are just shoes, right? So I told a couple of my friends, just to see what their reactions were. My one friend, who is male and completely straight, told me that ANYONE that I meet that wears those shoes should be immediately taken to the nearest shoe store to remedy the problem. This was the general reaction of most of my friends, and that if he doesn't know any better, then it's completely up to me to teach him so. I'm not sure how flexible D is with his shoes, but I definitely voiced my opinion on his shoes and did not hold back.

The rest of the date progressed normally, we watched a few episodes of Coupling (which he owns all 4 seasons of, a definite plus!), we made out, it was getting late. There was no mention on his part as to me leaving, and I didn't make any mention of what time I had to be home. It came up at one point, and we decided that I would spend the night. I slept over, not well I might add. Although, I think it takes practice and getting used to sharing a bed with someone. And then there is the morning, which makes everything seem different. I usually start to doubt things in the morning when I've stayed somewhere that I hadn't been planning. Mornings are bright and clear, things that seemed a good idea in the evening, seem less of a good idea in daylight. But the morning wasn't bad, partly because I had a toothbrush in my bag. We stayed in bed for a while, and eventually got up. D has a professional-style espresso maker, and he makes a damn good latte. It was a nice way to start the morning, especially without having to go out. So we had some lattes, and then we played on the Wii. We went through all the sports on Wii Sports except for Boxing. Bowling is still my favorite, but I got considerably better at tennis, and golf was a lot more fun than I expected it to be too. I sucked at baseball.. we'll leave it at that.

At some point during the morning, I had noticed an Ikea bookshelf, still in it's box, blocking the hallway. I mentioned that I am pretty capable at putting together Ikea furniture, since ALL my furniture seems to have come from there and I have put it all together on my own. So I offered at some point to help him put his shelf together. We decided to go out and get some bagels first, good choice, the bookshelf was a LONG process. Much longer than I expected. I forgot why I usually put together my furniture by myself... it's because putting it together with someone else is STRESSFUL. It's not a fun experience to begin with, and at one point, where something wasn't working the way it should, I definitely looked at him and said, "I don't know that I know you well enough to be doing this with you..." But after all was said and done, it came together pretty well and then it was long past time that I went home. From 6:30 the night before to 4:30 yesterday, 22 hours is plenty of time for a fourth date. So where to from here? I don't know, there has still been no DTR (defining the relationship), there are still the compatibility issues that I am questioning... the shoes (not really), the ex... they are all factors.