So I'm going to try to disclose very little about last night's date, just the facts. I don't want to muddy this up with opinions of what I think is right or wrong... I'm just trying to sort through the facts, and then go from here.
Fact #1 - This guy started emailing while I was dating the bad kisser. I wasn't not interested, but I wasn't interested in starting something new while I was still working things out with the bad kisser. Things fizzled and I went away, didn't expect to hear from him again.
Fact #2 - He emailed me again when I got home and updated my match profile with pictures from Hawaii. I had already decided to end things with the bad kisser, so this was as good opportunity to reconnect as any. We started emailing, daily.
Fact #3 - Over the past 2 months, we have exchanged about 100 emails, most of them very long, and lengthy. That's about an email a day from each of us, sometimes more. I have definitely gotten to know him through emails, and he's someone I can connect with intellectually for sure... but I'm not without very strong reservations on this one. Which brings me to..
Fact #4 - He's divorced. I don't usually date guys who are divorced, even if there are no children involved (especially if there ARE children involved - dealbreaker.) I waiver on this one here, they got divorced because his wife is a lesbian. Ok, so clearly not his fault. But do I want to be someone's second? And it gets better...
Fact #5 - He LIVES with his ex-wife and her new girlfriend. In the same house, that they bought when they were married. But now they aren't. And his ex in-laws live across the street. I want to be cool with this. He presented it as such: either you get it or you don't, but it's not something he plans on changing until the market rebounds and they can sell it for what it's worth, I get it, but still...it makes me feel a little strange. I remember with D, with his ex, and how he spent most of his time with her and not me, and he definitely didn't live with her. But she wasn't a lesbian either. I'm trying not make judgements. I really don't know what to make of this... But I'm straying from the facts.
Fact #6 - After emailing daily for 2 months, last night we decided to meet up for drinks. I was nervous at first, but quickly I felt like I was having drinks with an old friend. 2 beers and 4 hours later, it was after 1 am on a school night, and I probably could have stayed and talked for another 4 hours. I don't feel like I have to hide anything or pretend to be something I'm not, I felt very comfortable, very fast.
Fact #7 - He manages a Borders (me + books = happy), and a few weeks back I had mentioned an owl bag that I bought at Borders... and that there was an owl journal that matched my bag that I wanted. I must have mentioned it a few times. He brought said owl journal for me last night. :)
Fact #8 - There was a hug goodbye, no kiss, but again, I'm still not sure. We've texted all day today.
Fact #9 - We're going out again tomorrow.
2 comments:
Um, either you "get it or you don't"? You may want to stick to the facts but my gut instinct is to back off slowly. There are plenty of options besides living with his ex-wife and her new girlfriend. He has to know that his living situation compromises his ability to really invest in a relationship. It's just plain weird. I'd question whether he's truly ready to move on. But hey, maybe he can be a friend.
Hmmm...this is tough. I remember when you first mentioned this guy. He seems like a great guy, and it's nice that you are so comfortable with him. I don't find the divorce to be a problem, but yes, the living situation is definitely an issue. I mean obviously he's not getting back together w/his ex-wife (since she is not attracted to his sex), so that's not a concern...and I don't think he's still hooked on her. I just think he needs to get out of that house in order to have a REAL relationship. There's no way you can date a guy who is living with his ex! How awkward!
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