29 times around the sun.

With a birthday looming, just a few days away, I feel like maybe I'm just too old for this these days. I'm not the youthful 26 year old serial dater I used to be. I get too invested, too caught up, too emotional, and it's just not the right mindset. 29. Damn.

I seemed to have given off a strong enough uninterested vibe to PJ to end this without me having to say anything at all. It's been 3 whole days and I've heard nothing from him at all. I talked to him on Sunday night, and he tried to convince me to drive out to his place to see him. I was already tired, it's a 45 minute drive there and back, and I wasn't interested in starting my first week of school with students on a sleep deficit. But I was also feeling kind of lonely and sad, too, and stupid thoughts of "maybe it's better to be with a guy who really likes me than no guy at all..." were running through my head, so I was actually considering it. I was debating back and forth, and finally called him to see if he would give me a reason that would convince me to come over. He was at his brother's place, and had been drinking all day... this did not make for very convincing material for me. Basically, we ended the conversation with not seeing each other that night and maybe we'd plan something for another time. I haven't heard from him since. And even if it wasn't already feeling questionable about him, the fact that he did not text me to see how my first day of school was seems pretty clear that he's not all that interested in how I feel or how I'm doing. Maybe this should have been a sign in the beginning when he didn't text after our second date. Whatever the case may be, at least I can settle this and feel alright about it. I updated my match profile, and it seems to have generated a good bit of interest there. I'm not sure when I'll be able to actually go on these dates though, as I have work scheduled for every single weekend from now until November. Well, they are not all work, there are some fun events/activities planned too, but mostly, work. Blech. I'm less than thrilled.

But my motto from the summer, hopeful dating, this is what I'm still trying to muster up, every time I get a wink from a 50 year old in Camden or an email all in CAPS from a guy who calls me creepy things like "sexy mama," it's beyond description. But still, I'm hopeful that the next one will be better suited to what I'm looking for.