Snow Changes Everything.

7 weeks ago, we were hit with an enormous snowstorm. Record breaking numbers of snow fell, and I was lamenting the state my love life was in (although I had JUST gone on my first date with Google, 2 days prior to that storm). I was feeling sorry for myself, for being single, for not liking how my life was at that very moment, for being stuck inside with just my family while they all had someone. Fast forward one week, and there is a blizzard in Kansas which prevents Google from going home, leading us to our second date, and what I consider to be the actual beginning of our relationship. Fast forward another 6 weeks, and we have yet another snow storm. More record breaking numbers plaguing the area, trapping people wherever they ended up Friday night. Me? Am I blogging this secretly from Google's computer while he sleeps? I wish. No. (and I would NEVER!) I'm home by myself, and I am honestly NOT happy about it.

Maybe I am overreacting. We had plans to go out on Friday night. He was going to meet my friends FINALLY. I've met a lot of his friends, and this is the ONE time I asked him to come to something, mainly because it's the first time we've had something to plan. He was going to come to Debbie's show with my other best friend and her husband, and then Saturday (today), we were going to go snow tubing with his friends, somewhere outside the city. On Thursday, I had a horrible day, wasn't feeling well, and when I came home, he IMed me to tell me that we were expecting a "paralyzing" amount of snow, and he'd pay me back for the ticket I bought for him. Wait, what? I hadn't even sat down yet to process how I would handle the ticket situation, and he's offering to pay me back for his ticket. I was already looking into changing the ticket dates, but I had to wait for my other friends to let me know when was good for them. My friend finally got back to me late Thursday night, and I sent Google a message to let him know that we'd be going to the show at the end of the month instead of Friday, due to the impending snowstorm. He responds with, ok, I'm going to go to my friend's birthday party then. Note, there is NO mention of me joining him, or seeing me at all on Friday. He obviously is well aware of the snowstorm, and that if I don't see him on Friday, there's a good chance I won't get to see him all weekend, until next weekend. I'm not going to let on that this bothers me in the least, and I just say that's fine, and move on. He goes on about his cat peeing all over his bedroom again, and how it will be better the next time I'm there. The next time I'm there? He says, Saturday. I reply - this Saturday or next? And then there is a bit of a miscommunication about what day we're talking about, and eventually ends with his saying, well which Saturday would I like? And of course, I want to see him today, but I knew on Thursday that if it snowed as bad as they were predicting, that wasn't going to be an option. And I told him that. His response, we'll see. What does THAT mean?

I didn't hear from him ALL day yesterday. I sent him a message around 8 or 9, telling him to have fun, but to be careful getting around the city. And I never heard back from him. This upsets me, and frustrates me for so many reasons. First of all, we HAD plans for this weekend. I'm not sure how the snow made it so we had NO plans at all. He's also traveling on Monday for the whole week, so the next time I'll even be able to see him is next Saturday. It's fine if I don't see him for a week, but it feels like I'm putting so much more out there in this relationship than he is. If anything, this has caused me to evaluate the relationship, and is this something that I really want. Do I want to date someone who doesn't check in with me, to see how I'm doing, to make sure I'm safe when I get home (he doesn't, he does tell me to drive safely - when I leave HIS place late at night/early in the morning, but he never texts to make sure I get home alright, which was a huge issue with the bad kisser) Do I want to date someone who doesn't seem all that interested in meeting my friends, when they are a huge part of my life. He doesn't ask me many questions, so I feel all he knows about me, are things I've offered. He doesn't ask me how my day is, when I tell him that I had a bad day, he doesn't ask me why, or show any kind of sympathy greater than "that sucks." I know he's been single for over 5 years. And after time, you get used to just worrying about you, and being in a relationship is a learning curve for both people... and I'm really trying. And the worst/best part of it all? I really like him. 100%, not a doubt in my mind how I feel about him. I can see myself in a relationship with him for a long time. I have no idea how he feels about me. When we're together - I think I know. But as soon as there are days between when we last saw each other, I start to wonder.

So, right now, I'm snowed in. Again. And this time, I'm really alone. Not with my family wishing I had someone to cuddle with alone, like really and truly in my house, with no one here. At this point, I'm not sure what will happen, I'm waiting to see what this snow fall will bring.