Longest Week. Ever,

This by far, has been one of the longest weeks of my life, and work wise, it was only a 3 day work week. Sleep is something that isn't coming easy to me, but I go to bed MUCH earlier than I used to. My friend taught me some good yoga breathing tips, which I tried, and it helps a bit to clear my mind when it's racing before I go to bed.

Mornings are by far the worst time for me. Maybe that, and later at night, but I can't seem to figure out why mornings are so hard for me. We hardly spent any morning time together, it was usually me getting up before he did, leaving while he was still asleep, and going on with my day. Or if we did get up at the same time, most times I left almost immediately after. I think it's that it's a whole new day that will end up hurting in some way. Today, I was hoping would be different. I have my yearly "camping" trip this weekend, which I am looking forward to so much. Last year was the first time I ever brought anyone to the camping trip, and due to Mr. P's issues, it did not work out very well for me. I was never intending on bringing Google to the camping trip, even if we were still dating, it would have been too soon. So there's no reason for me to feel without him when I'm on this trip, except my brain doesn't work like that.

I'm still feeling up and down about things. I reposted my Match profile, which never brings anything good initially. I feel like in the beginning when you're "new," you get a lot of winks and emails but it's not really anything substantial. I also signed back into Jdate, but I only have a week or so left in that subscription, and let's be honest, nothing good came of that site. The guy who didn't want me to blog about him was back in touch. He is such a creepster, I can't believe of ALL the guys I went out with in December, he was the one I was looking forward to the most? This is why people on paper are never what they seem in person. He wants to hang out and he's SO pushy about it. Seriously, he was so mean to me on our date and he also lives WAY too close to Google, I'd be thinking about Google the entire time if I went over there. And that doesn't bode well for anyone. But he's interested in going out again. Wonderful. The thing is, every single guy I went out with in December (all 6? of them), all asked me out for a second date. And persisted for a week or two before they got the hint, but I was so head over heals with Google I didn't think that maybe I should've been keeping my options open. Google and I never had any kind of discussion if we were or weren't going to see other people. Maybe I should have. I didn't really feel anything special towards Google until our second date, and not that I want to go back out with all these other guys again, but I'm just saying maybe it would be a good idea to give people more of a chance and keep things open, until I know both of us are on the same page. I think at first Google and I were on the same page, but then something changed for him, and he went back without cluing me in. There is one guy, who might have been part of the original December 8, but disappeared after a few emails. He sent me a text message the day I was at the Franklin with Google, saying he was sorry we lost touch, and he'd like to get together, etc. At first I wasn't sure who it was, because he has the same first name as CK, and so I was confused as to why after 2 years would CK be texting me. But I ruled him out when I remembered I had been talking to this guy in December from Match. So when I reposted my Match profile, I emailed him. If I hear back from him, great. If not, I'm not going to sweat it. I wasn't all that excited to hear from him when he texted me before, so if he drops off again, no big deal. I won't lie, I still have some false hope that I'll hear from Google one of these days, too. It takes everything in me not to email/IM/text to see how he is, how he's feeling, etc. I have to assume that he's fine, and if he wanted to hear from me, he would be in touch.

Here's to hoping that this weekend will leave me feeling restored and happy, I'm hoping for no tears on the trip.