Chivalry

Chivalry, in fact, is not dead. However, I do not know if I am the prime candidate to receive chivalrous actions.

My date with the Chinese medicine practitioner (who is not Chinese, that is the first question everyone asks me - he's Jewish!) was last night. We were meeting at the Bergen St. subway stop around 7:30 and then we were going to go for some Thai food and then maybe go to a local bar to shoot some pool. A nice, casual first date (note the word casual). So, I went down the subway at the designated time, and as I'm walking towards the subway stop, I can see off in the distance, a man waiting at the subway stop with what appears to be a large bouquet in his hands. My first thought was, oh that's sweet, some guy is bringing his girlfriend flowers... until it dawned on me, that no, some guy is not bringing his girlfriend flowers... That MUST be my date waiting there. My only thought is please, don't let that be him! Oh dear... it was. And my date had brought me not just a bouquet of flowers, he bought me a dozen roses. Oh no. He hands them to me and I say, Thanks, wow, this is a first. To which he replies, no one has ever bought you flowers before? And my reply is, no, I've gotten flowers before, just never... and then I trailed off, and decided to say, but they are lovely and so beautiful, thank you, that was really sweet. (all the while I'm thinking, I have to carry these around with me ALL night? I don't even have a vase at home!) So we go to the neighborhood Thai restaurant, where they know me, and I do bring a different boy there at least once a month. And I have never brought the same guy twice. The woman who works there, came over to seat us, and kind of laughed when she saw my flowers. I wonder what they think of me there, honestly. At least while we were seated I could put the flowers on the bench next to me (the whole packaging/arrangement of it - they were enormous).
So about the guy, he was really nice and pleasant to talk to. He is kind of has a new-age look about him, which is the best description I can think of. I guess since he practices alternative medicine, he must have some sort of new-age-iness about him. But anyway, dinner was nice, as thai food always is. We split two entrees (and like I've said before, good sharers always earn points in my book.) and stayed talking long after we finished eating. This is why I love this restaurant, they don't pressure you to leave or order anything else, they are content to let you sit and talk, with nothing in front of you, for as long as you want. They also probably figure that I'll be back probably sooner rather than later with yet another guy.

We did eventually decide to leave, to go to the bar on the corner of my block to shoot some pool. As we were getting up, he offered to hold my jacket as I got the rest of my stuff together. I have a lot of winter gear as it is, not to mention an entire rose garden wrapped in paper. I was going to just take my jacket back once I was gathered and standing, but he held it out, as if to put it on for me.... So I let him help me into my coat. I don't think a guy has ever in my life done this for me. It was very chivalrous, but I felt very strange about it at the time too.

At the bar (where I brought my large bouquet with of course - I thought about asking if we could stop by my apartment to drop them off, but I didn't want to invite him up to my apartment so soon), we played two awful games of pool. To be fair, I played awfully, he played better than I did, but it wasn't anything to brag about. We had some wine, and then sat in the corner of the pool room for a while on bar stools talking. We had the whole backroom to ourselves for most of the evening, which was really nice. It was private and provided a nice environment to get to know him better without the usual bar atmosphere. At one point, I was mid-conversation, probably talking about my students, and I must have been turned away from him for some reason. When I turned back, there he was, all leaned in for the kill, it surprised me completely, but I went with flow, and we kissed in the back room of the bar where I've now kissed many boys (if 3 is many - 4 if you count kissing against the wall outside the bar). We stayed for a while, intermittently talking and kissing. I don't know if I feel as strongly for him as he seems to be projecting he feels for me. He was talking a lot about when I meet his friends, and in terms of future events. Again, I know from past experiences, this doesn't mean a damn thing. But it's was a bit overwhelming. I think if I were to date him further, I'd tell him he needs to take it down a few notches. He walked me to my door, which is a whole 4 doors down, kissed me goodbye, and said he'd talk to me soon.

I was talking to a friend about the whole chivalry thing, and she made a good point. She said that we're so bitter and scarred from these dating experiences, that we don't even recognize nice gestures as just that, trying to be nice. I don't think this guy was trying to profess his undying love for someone he just met, but maybe he is just a genuinely nice guy trying to make a kind gesture and I reacted poorly to it because I'm jaded.