I'm pretty sure that when I leave a date and I calculate the amount of time I've spent on the date that I'll never get back in my life, it's not a good sign.
So I had been communicating with this guy for a long time, maybe 3 weeks. And we had exchanged long, detailed emails, very reminiscent of the emails I exchanged with the guy who lived with his ex, except without the humor. I was hoping for the same connection with this guy like I had with the guy who lived with his ex, because of all the guys I've dated this year, he was the one I had the best personal connection with, conversationally at least. So, since this was reminding me of those early emails, I was hoping that our first date was going to be just a good. Unfortunately not.
We met up at the Iron Hill Brewery, which I had been to on a few dates previously this year (Phillies writer & the Bad Kisser), and it reminds me slightly of Google as well... but that's another story for another time. Anyway, we agreed to meet inside, and he was there before me. When I walked in, I recognized him and walked over to him. He says, "hey, I know you!" I guess as a friendly greeting, but no... not really, he doesn't. And he gives me a great hug and kiss on the cheek. It was very friendly and affectionate. It made me slightly uncomfortable, and I could tell he was nervous, so that made it even weirder! So I asked if he wanted to get a table or sit at the bar, and he said a table, so I thought he meant a table in the restaurant. So we stood around for a little bit, I thought maybe he had already put his name in, and we were just waiting. And after about 2 minutes of small talk, he says, so let's go get that table. Um.. ok, and we end up sitting at one of the high top tables at the bar. To me, that's sitting at the bar... but ok. I'm not going to say anything, it doesn't make a whole lot of difference. What does make a difference is that every single time I start telling a story, or say ANYTHING, this guy not only interrupts me, but starts telling a story that I can tell he thinks is related, but has completely nothing to do with what I was talking about. Maybe if he'd let me finish one of my thoughts, he'd see that. But probably not.
We have dinner, and drinks, and the time is passing just fine. Until about an hour and a half into the date. First I think I have something in my hair. He keeps looking at my hair/shoulder instead of making eye contact. It was so bizarre. He continued to do that for the duration of the date, and it was making me self conscious. I don't think I had anything in my hair, and if I did, he should mention it, not stare at it and make me uncomfortable! At that point, I'm just done. I was tired from a long work weekend, and the date started to feel like work itself. That is NOT a good sign. At some point, I'm not sure when, he started talking about past relationships, and bad dates that he's been on. And asked me about some of mine. I know the rules of dating, and if you want something to work out, you DON'T bring up past dates during a date... but I have no intention of making this work, so I'm game. And to be honest, this is the only question I think he asked me all night. No joke, the rest was just him talking about himself... The. Entire. Night. So, I tell him the makeup story (first blog ever!) and the Christmas Eve bowling story, but of course I don't even get through the whole story of that one because he has his own story that is completely unrelated.
After 4 hours of sitting and basically just listening to this guy talk, I was done. I don't even think I made a reference to the time, I just stood up and announced that I had to go. It was rather abrupt for such a long date. But I couldn't take it anymore, I was so tired and felt like I might snap if I sat there for much longer. We walked outside, and it was raining so I said we should say goodbye there, instead of at the car. He asked if I wanted him to take me to my car, which I told him I would be fine, and thankfully a guy came outside at that moment to smoke, spoiling any chance this guy had at making ANY kind of move. So I got the same hug and kiss on the cheek that I got when I first got there, and we parted ways. It was a long date at the end of a very long week.
The weird thing is I think this guy thinks the date went well. I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks there is a chance for another date, although his work schedule and my weekend schedule probably won't allow for that happen anyway! For the first time in a very long time, I'm actually grateful that I have a work schedule that creates weekend conflicts.
For those of you who don't know, I'm currently training for my first triathlon. It's just a sprint, but it's something that is taking up a lot of my time, and when I'd rather be at the gym than on a date, that's a sure sign that it's time to take a break. Although I say that all the time, and it never happens. So we'll see, there may or may not be dates in the future. I'm talking to a couple, that may or may not pan out into dates!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
In the bag!
So, it's been rather slow on the dating front, but I'm really busy with work (all three jobs are in full effect this weekend, although there will be a date on Sunday.)
This is a different kind of post. Jdate is having a contest to be the next Jblogger! I can do this, I've been blogging about jdates for AGES. or 4 years. but it feels like AGES. I've been a jdate subscriber on and off for years, and have lots of stories. The only thing you get out of this contest is a position as a Jdate blogger, and a free Jdate subscription (my mom's dream come true!) So, what do I have to lose? I'm going to go for it. The only problem I have is I don't know what story to tell, or should I write something new?
Anyway, I'm asking you guys, my readers, people who know my stories, who have been there with me through the good, the bad, and the ugly (!!), which jdate story I should go with? "Jdate does not stand for Jesus date" "Maybe he's born with it" (the one that started it all!) or any of the other ones throughout the years... Or something completely different. Please let me know, either here or on Facebook or Twitter or however you follow me (or in person, if I see you!)
The entry needs to be in by April 2nd, I'll post it here once it's written!
This is a different kind of post. Jdate is having a contest to be the next Jblogger! I can do this, I've been blogging about jdates for AGES. or 4 years. but it feels like AGES. I've been a jdate subscriber on and off for years, and have lots of stories. The only thing you get out of this contest is a position as a Jdate blogger, and a free Jdate subscription (my mom's dream come true!) So, what do I have to lose? I'm going to go for it. The only problem I have is I don't know what story to tell, or should I write something new?
Anyway, I'm asking you guys, my readers, people who know my stories, who have been there with me through the good, the bad, and the ugly (!!), which jdate story I should go with? "Jdate does not stand for Jesus date" "Maybe he's born with it" (the one that started it all!) or any of the other ones throughout the years... Or something completely different. Please let me know, either here or on Facebook or Twitter or however you follow me (or in person, if I see you!)
The entry needs to be in by April 2nd, I'll post it here once it's written!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
A Perfect End.
A perfect end to a perfect weekend. This weekend was up there as far as weekends go in my life currently. I went to an AMAZING show on Friday, spent time at the beach, had a great time with friends, lots of laughter, smiling and sunshine. Overall, a stellar weekend. However, that's not what this post is about. I never really blogged about the break up between me and Mr. Perfect. As we are upon the anniversary, I thought it was due time I told that story.
One year ago today (as in the Sunday of this weekend - date-wise it was actually a year ago tomorrow) I made the hardest decision I ever had to make. Ever. I knew that things with Mr. Perfect were not going well. It was the day after my best friend's wedding. I was a bridesmaid, and it was, by no bias of my own, a gorgeous wedding. It was probably one of the warmest, most loving weddings I've ever been to, and had the privilege of being a part. As I stood up there, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, what my friend has, is what I want. And when I looked out into the seats where Mr. Perfect was seated amongst my parents, other boyfriends/significant others (of people he knew!), and saw him basically scowling at the entire thing, I knew right then, this would never be for us. I had to make a choice that night, do I give up what I want (a husband who loves me enough to profess it in front of a room full of our family and friends, a connection that runs deeper than the words that are spoken, a person who will be by my side in the best of times and the worst of times) or do I break up with him? I didn't fixate on that during the wedding or the reception because there was no way I was going to let him ruin a beautiful day.
After the reception, a lot of the couples were staying at the hotel. I opted to not stay at the hotel for financial reasons, and the drive to the hotel would be just as long as the drive back to my house. Since Mr. Perfect doesn't drink, I wasn't worried about how we were going to get there... so we were just going to come to the brunch the next day from my house. We decided to actually go to the hotel for a little bit, for the after party, and to hang out with some of my friends who had come in from NYC and I don't get to see all that often. I sat and socialized with my friends, while Mr. Perfect stood around, and was miserable as usual. I had mentioned to a friend of mine from high school who was there that night that I had been thinking about breaking up with Mr. P. My friend is dating a girl who has social anxiety, and does not like to be in large crowds of unfamiliar people, and actually was not at the wedding. He really tried to convince me not to break up with Mr. P. When you have a friend, who barely knows your boyfriend, trying so hard to convince you to not do something, well your mind must already be made up. I think both Mr. P and I knew this was coming, we just weren't sure how to get there. Timing sucks, always, with these things. I knew I wasn't going to do it before the wedding, I just didn't know how soon after it was going to happen.
On our way back to my house, Mr. Perfect says to me that he has to go to his parents house tomorrow for his brother's birthday so he won't be able to stay at my place after the brunch. I thought this was a little bit strange, the way he worded it. Because last year, I met his family on his brother's birthday, and I wasn't being invited to dinner this year? That struck a nerve with me, but I was tired, and I didn't want to fight, so I didn't mention it. In the morning, we went to the brunch, which was like a mini reception from the wedding, with all the people who I knew I wasn't going to see until next year's camping trip most likely. I wanted to talk with them, and touch base, but I could feel the weight of Mr. Perfect dragging me down. I had to sit with him, at least until he was talking to someone else that he felt comfortable with, I couldn't move too far away, I had to keep one eye on him, all while I tried to enjoy myself. At one point, I think we were getting ready to leave, one of the other bridesmaids said casually to me, oh so you're going to Mr. P's parents house now for his brother's birthday, right? I was a little confused, I guess Mr. P told her what he was doing for the rest of the day, and failed to mention that I wasn't going. That brought back the feelings from the night before of being uninvited to this family event, and I just was not feeling good. We left shortly there after, and Mr. Perfect had to drive me back to my car which was at my friend's house from the day before. While we were in the car, I asked him why I hadn't been invited to his parent's house for his brother's birthday. I knew his parents didn't not invite me, so he must of just told them that I wouldn't be coming. He responded that he didn't think I would want to come and that I'd be busy. And I responded, but you didn't even invite me... you told me what you were doing, and I wasn't a part of that. At this point we're at my friend's house, in front of my car. He goes to give me back my key, and I faltered, the whole key thing... and I get very upset and ask if this is how he planned on breaking up with me, had he planned to do this the whole time? Some of the other bridesmaids had their cars at our friend's house as well, and just happened to get there at that moment. I told Mr. P that I was not going to do this here, he should go to his parents' house, do what he needs to do, and then come over to my house after so we could have this talk properly.
I had all day to prepare. I cried, a lot. But I wasn't sure how it was going to all pan out. I don't remember exactly how it all went. I remember him saying that he wasn't happy, and I responded that he wasn't ever happy, and his depression was a real a serious thing. He needed to get help. He agreed. I told him that I would stand by him and help him through it, go to counseling with him, if he wanted me to, whatever it takes, I said, if you're willing to get help, I'm willing to work this out. He chose not to. That was probably one of the most hurtful things that had ever happened to me. Then he left. And that's how Mr. Perfect and I ended things a year ago today.
Of course, as you all know, it didn't end there. We had a hard time cutting the ties. We saw each other over the course of the following 4 months, technically "as friends" but there was definitely more than friendship. One night in May, I remember very clearly, he invited me over for dinner at his house. There was a different feel to that night, he was being affectionate, it was the first time I had been at his house since we broke up and all my pictures were still up. The picture of us on his fridge, the frame in his bedroom, all still there. I was very much a presence in his house, long after I had gone. When we were in bed later, he says to me that he wants to work this out, he wants to get back together, he can't stand the idea of losing me. It's everything I wanted him to say, 2 months earlier. He was acting how I had hoped he would act, when we first broke up, but he didn't. And I had been away from it long enough to know that he was NOT what I wanted. So, I did what anyone would in that situation. I cried. Which was not what he was hoping for, of course. We continued to see each other occasionally after that, not as frequently, the last time being the 4th of July. We spent nearly the entire weekend together. And by the end, I was just done. Our relationship had truly run its course. I had no desire to be with him physically anymore, and it was more just going through the motions. We didn't talk for a few months, and I didn't see him again until my birthday.
Over the past few months we have established the boundaries of our friendship. I am very happy to include him in my life as my friend, and I will always be there for him. He was at my friend's birthday party last weekend, and I thought all was fine. He was socializing, and I didn't feel responsible for him. We stayed until pretty late in the evening, and he drove me home. I don't know if I was drunk or not, it was late, I had been drinking, I was tired... I can't remember saying anything that was offensive, or if we ended things on a bad note. I just remember saying goodnight, telling him to drive safely, and exiting the car. He PEELS out of my driveway and speeds off down the road before I even have a chance to make it to my door. I am utterly confused at this point. The only time I've ever seen him drive off like that, not even waiting to see if I get in alright, was after a HUGE blow-out fight we had, the day after my birthday when we were dating. I haven't heard from him since then, my friends texted him last night to see if he wanted to meet up with us at the bar, but of course he did not. I don't know if he's mad at me for something. I can't for the life of me figure out what that could be. This is what I hated about his moods when we were dating, I shouldn't have to be reliving this as his friend. I will continue to be his friend, should he seek that out in me, in a mature reasonable fashion.
So that's the whole story of me and Mr. P from a year ago up to today. Hopefully it clarifies some of the vague references I've made in previous posts about our "less than perfect" ending, and our blurred lines of friendship for a few months!
(Dating is slow right now. I'm super busy - like October/November busy, where it took weeks to set up a first date due to my work schedule!! There is a date scheduled for next Sunday, but I just found out today that my sister will be in from Boston from Sat-Tuesday next week, so I may have to cancel. Maybe just a quick coffee, it's been too long!)
One year ago today (as in the Sunday of this weekend - date-wise it was actually a year ago tomorrow) I made the hardest decision I ever had to make. Ever. I knew that things with Mr. Perfect were not going well. It was the day after my best friend's wedding. I was a bridesmaid, and it was, by no bias of my own, a gorgeous wedding. It was probably one of the warmest, most loving weddings I've ever been to, and had the privilege of being a part. As I stood up there, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, what my friend has, is what I want. And when I looked out into the seats where Mr. Perfect was seated amongst my parents, other boyfriends/significant others (of people he knew!), and saw him basically scowling at the entire thing, I knew right then, this would never be for us. I had to make a choice that night, do I give up what I want (a husband who loves me enough to profess it in front of a room full of our family and friends, a connection that runs deeper than the words that are spoken, a person who will be by my side in the best of times and the worst of times) or do I break up with him? I didn't fixate on that during the wedding or the reception because there was no way I was going to let him ruin a beautiful day.
After the reception, a lot of the couples were staying at the hotel. I opted to not stay at the hotel for financial reasons, and the drive to the hotel would be just as long as the drive back to my house. Since Mr. Perfect doesn't drink, I wasn't worried about how we were going to get there... so we were just going to come to the brunch the next day from my house. We decided to actually go to the hotel for a little bit, for the after party, and to hang out with some of my friends who had come in from NYC and I don't get to see all that often. I sat and socialized with my friends, while Mr. Perfect stood around, and was miserable as usual. I had mentioned to a friend of mine from high school who was there that night that I had been thinking about breaking up with Mr. P. My friend is dating a girl who has social anxiety, and does not like to be in large crowds of unfamiliar people, and actually was not at the wedding. He really tried to convince me not to break up with Mr. P. When you have a friend, who barely knows your boyfriend, trying so hard to convince you to not do something, well your mind must already be made up. I think both Mr. P and I knew this was coming, we just weren't sure how to get there. Timing sucks, always, with these things. I knew I wasn't going to do it before the wedding, I just didn't know how soon after it was going to happen.
On our way back to my house, Mr. Perfect says to me that he has to go to his parents house tomorrow for his brother's birthday so he won't be able to stay at my place after the brunch. I thought this was a little bit strange, the way he worded it. Because last year, I met his family on his brother's birthday, and I wasn't being invited to dinner this year? That struck a nerve with me, but I was tired, and I didn't want to fight, so I didn't mention it. In the morning, we went to the brunch, which was like a mini reception from the wedding, with all the people who I knew I wasn't going to see until next year's camping trip most likely. I wanted to talk with them, and touch base, but I could feel the weight of Mr. Perfect dragging me down. I had to sit with him, at least until he was talking to someone else that he felt comfortable with, I couldn't move too far away, I had to keep one eye on him, all while I tried to enjoy myself. At one point, I think we were getting ready to leave, one of the other bridesmaids said casually to me, oh so you're going to Mr. P's parents house now for his brother's birthday, right? I was a little confused, I guess Mr. P told her what he was doing for the rest of the day, and failed to mention that I wasn't going. That brought back the feelings from the night before of being uninvited to this family event, and I just was not feeling good. We left shortly there after, and Mr. Perfect had to drive me back to my car which was at my friend's house from the day before. While we were in the car, I asked him why I hadn't been invited to his parent's house for his brother's birthday. I knew his parents didn't not invite me, so he must of just told them that I wouldn't be coming. He responded that he didn't think I would want to come and that I'd be busy. And I responded, but you didn't even invite me... you told me what you were doing, and I wasn't a part of that. At this point we're at my friend's house, in front of my car. He goes to give me back my key, and I faltered, the whole key thing... and I get very upset and ask if this is how he planned on breaking up with me, had he planned to do this the whole time? Some of the other bridesmaids had their cars at our friend's house as well, and just happened to get there at that moment. I told Mr. P that I was not going to do this here, he should go to his parents' house, do what he needs to do, and then come over to my house after so we could have this talk properly.
I had all day to prepare. I cried, a lot. But I wasn't sure how it was going to all pan out. I don't remember exactly how it all went. I remember him saying that he wasn't happy, and I responded that he wasn't ever happy, and his depression was a real a serious thing. He needed to get help. He agreed. I told him that I would stand by him and help him through it, go to counseling with him, if he wanted me to, whatever it takes, I said, if you're willing to get help, I'm willing to work this out. He chose not to. That was probably one of the most hurtful things that had ever happened to me. Then he left. And that's how Mr. Perfect and I ended things a year ago today.
Of course, as you all know, it didn't end there. We had a hard time cutting the ties. We saw each other over the course of the following 4 months, technically "as friends" but there was definitely more than friendship. One night in May, I remember very clearly, he invited me over for dinner at his house. There was a different feel to that night, he was being affectionate, it was the first time I had been at his house since we broke up and all my pictures were still up. The picture of us on his fridge, the frame in his bedroom, all still there. I was very much a presence in his house, long after I had gone. When we were in bed later, he says to me that he wants to work this out, he wants to get back together, he can't stand the idea of losing me. It's everything I wanted him to say, 2 months earlier. He was acting how I had hoped he would act, when we first broke up, but he didn't. And I had been away from it long enough to know that he was NOT what I wanted. So, I did what anyone would in that situation. I cried. Which was not what he was hoping for, of course. We continued to see each other occasionally after that, not as frequently, the last time being the 4th of July. We spent nearly the entire weekend together. And by the end, I was just done. Our relationship had truly run its course. I had no desire to be with him physically anymore, and it was more just going through the motions. We didn't talk for a few months, and I didn't see him again until my birthday.
Over the past few months we have established the boundaries of our friendship. I am very happy to include him in my life as my friend, and I will always be there for him. He was at my friend's birthday party last weekend, and I thought all was fine. He was socializing, and I didn't feel responsible for him. We stayed until pretty late in the evening, and he drove me home. I don't know if I was drunk or not, it was late, I had been drinking, I was tired... I can't remember saying anything that was offensive, or if we ended things on a bad note. I just remember saying goodnight, telling him to drive safely, and exiting the car. He PEELS out of my driveway and speeds off down the road before I even have a chance to make it to my door. I am utterly confused at this point. The only time I've ever seen him drive off like that, not even waiting to see if I get in alright, was after a HUGE blow-out fight we had, the day after my birthday when we were dating. I haven't heard from him since then, my friends texted him last night to see if he wanted to meet up with us at the bar, but of course he did not. I don't know if he's mad at me for something. I can't for the life of me figure out what that could be. This is what I hated about his moods when we were dating, I shouldn't have to be reliving this as his friend. I will continue to be his friend, should he seek that out in me, in a mature reasonable fashion.
So that's the whole story of me and Mr. P from a year ago up to today. Hopefully it clarifies some of the vague references I've made in previous posts about our "less than perfect" ending, and our blurred lines of friendship for a few months!
(Dating is slow right now. I'm super busy - like October/November busy, where it took weeks to set up a first date due to my work schedule!! There is a date scheduled for next Sunday, but I just found out today that my sister will be in from Boston from Sat-Tuesday next week, so I may have to cancel. Maybe just a quick coffee, it's been too long!)
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
3 Strikes
I can not do this, whatever it is, with the phone guy anymore. He is still JUST a phone guy. We haven't met. We've had multiple good conversations, via text, phone, and IM. We just can't seem to make that first date happen. Wait, not we.... HE. Last Sunday I blogged about how he canceled our bowling date. I was ok with that, and he was really apologetic, and pissed about having to work late. And made mention of wanting to set up a meeting sometime this week. We had originally talked about Monday, but Mondays are bad for me and I had a ton of grades to do, so I suggested Tuesday instead. He was fine with that. I had forgotten that my friend was coming in for a haircut on Tuesday and I had scheduled time to see her and get some water ice with her and my other friend.
Throughout the day on Tuesday, the texts from the phone guy were much less than usual. This struck me as odd because he's usually SO on top of the texting. Seriously, on Monday, we exchanged probably between 20-30 texts over the course of the day. So when I hadn't heard from him on Tuesday by the end of the day since like 9 in the morning (he had called me in the morning to wish me a good day, and to chat a bit on his way to work and texted me in the morning), I was a bit surprised. So I sent him a text, just asking what his plan was for that night. He said he thought he was going to have to work late, so he didn't know. I responded that later would be fine for me since I had forgotten that my friend was coming in for the night, and I wanted to see her. He said he'd let me know. Around 6ish, he texted me and said he was going to have to stay late at work and there was no way he was going to be able to go out. I was pretty sympathetic and was very understanding about him breaking our date, for the second time in 3 days. Work is work. I'm not saying I like it, but I can understand it. When he got home at 9:30, he sent me a text, telling me he had just gotten home and how frustrated he was with work. We talked for a while, and I was almost ready to tell him that I don't want to do this again, when he PROMISED me that we'd hang out tonight. He said, I don't make promises because they are something that I don't break. Ok.... well, I told him that I didn't want to interfere with his work schedule, and that he should just keep me posted on what he thought his day would be like throughout the day. We, again, texted back and forth all day today, and he even said that he was looking forward to hanging out tonight. I had gone out with my friends for St. Patrick's day, and hadn't heard from him in a couple of hours, so I just wanted to know what his plan was. I get a message back that he's on his way to NYC. Um. What? So I asked if it was for work. Nope, for fun, he responds. He then texts me to ask if I am pissed. Which I am. But I'm not going to tell him that. I tell him that he owes me nothing, I'm not pissed, just a little confused. I had only asked that if his plans should change, all he needed to do was to let me know. He said that his friend just called him and it sounded like a good time, so he decided to go, and it just happened 45 minutes ago. Riiiiiiiight. So. I'm done. Seriously, I can forgive plans being broken for work. I can forgive 2 dates in a row being canceled. But when you cancel on me because you'd rather be in NYC getting drunk, yeah... I'm done. I don't even KNOW this guy, that's the funny part. I'm not mad at him, how could I be. I'm mad at myself for allowing him to string me along like this. I would bet money that he will drunk text me tonight. I will bet money that he will call me and try to set something up again. Unless this guy bends over backwards and plans something damn near spectacular, I am not wasting another second of my time or energy on this. It's a joke at this point. When I tell people this, they have to stop me and say, Wait, but you've never met him, right? RIGHT. I don't need a phone buddy. I don't WANT a text friend. I'm looking for a relationship. Something REAL that exists not on the phone. So, 3 dates canceled. 3 strikes and you're out.
Throughout the day on Tuesday, the texts from the phone guy were much less than usual. This struck me as odd because he's usually SO on top of the texting. Seriously, on Monday, we exchanged probably between 20-30 texts over the course of the day. So when I hadn't heard from him on Tuesday by the end of the day since like 9 in the morning (he had called me in the morning to wish me a good day, and to chat a bit on his way to work and texted me in the morning), I was a bit surprised. So I sent him a text, just asking what his plan was for that night. He said he thought he was going to have to work late, so he didn't know. I responded that later would be fine for me since I had forgotten that my friend was coming in for the night, and I wanted to see her. He said he'd let me know. Around 6ish, he texted me and said he was going to have to stay late at work and there was no way he was going to be able to go out. I was pretty sympathetic and was very understanding about him breaking our date, for the second time in 3 days. Work is work. I'm not saying I like it, but I can understand it. When he got home at 9:30, he sent me a text, telling me he had just gotten home and how frustrated he was with work. We talked for a while, and I was almost ready to tell him that I don't want to do this again, when he PROMISED me that we'd hang out tonight. He said, I don't make promises because they are something that I don't break. Ok.... well, I told him that I didn't want to interfere with his work schedule, and that he should just keep me posted on what he thought his day would be like throughout the day. We, again, texted back and forth all day today, and he even said that he was looking forward to hanging out tonight. I had gone out with my friends for St. Patrick's day, and hadn't heard from him in a couple of hours, so I just wanted to know what his plan was. I get a message back that he's on his way to NYC. Um. What? So I asked if it was for work. Nope, for fun, he responds. He then texts me to ask if I am pissed. Which I am. But I'm not going to tell him that. I tell him that he owes me nothing, I'm not pissed, just a little confused. I had only asked that if his plans should change, all he needed to do was to let me know. He said that his friend just called him and it sounded like a good time, so he decided to go, and it just happened 45 minutes ago. Riiiiiiiight. So. I'm done. Seriously, I can forgive plans being broken for work. I can forgive 2 dates in a row being canceled. But when you cancel on me because you'd rather be in NYC getting drunk, yeah... I'm done. I don't even KNOW this guy, that's the funny part. I'm not mad at him, how could I be. I'm mad at myself for allowing him to string me along like this. I would bet money that he will drunk text me tonight. I will bet money that he will call me and try to set something up again. Unless this guy bends over backwards and plans something damn near spectacular, I am not wasting another second of my time or energy on this. It's a joke at this point. When I tell people this, they have to stop me and say, Wait, but you've never met him, right? RIGHT. I don't need a phone buddy. I don't WANT a text friend. I'm looking for a relationship. Something REAL that exists not on the phone. So, 3 dates canceled. 3 strikes and you're out.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
While I wait.
I'm waiting to find out if the phone guy is going to be able to make it to our date for tonight. I'm not sure what to make of the whole situation. I get the impression that this guy really does want to meet me, and he wants to see me tonight... but his priority is work right now. I can understand that... but only to an extent.
So, we had plans to meet up tonight. We have talked just about every single day since we first started communicating a week ago. It's only been a week of communication but it feels like so much more based on how often we text/talk. He actually called me at the library on Friday with made up reference questions so I could talk to him while I was at work. It was super slow and I was very bored! He made for good company but still this is all preemptive since we haven't even met yet! He sent me a text this morning with the plan being to go bowling at North Bowl tonight. I'm not a huge fan of bowling on a first date, it's definitely more of a second date type of thing. I agreed and have done bowling both successfully and unsuccessfully as first dates before, and his other suggestion was I go over his house for him to cook us dinner and watch a movie! Whoa, there buddy. That is like... 5th or 6th date territory, not first meeting! No. I opted for bowling, but I get the feeling he's a "relationship" type guy and not a dater. He seems to be doing very boyfriend-y things before we've even met, the texts throughout the day, nicknames, wanting to have nights in before any nights out! Maybe I think more like a dater than a relationship-er. I know it is NECESSARY to have dates before you get into a relationship, but like how Google didn't know how to be in a relationship because he had never had one, maybe I could really get used to a guy to who ONLY knows how to be in a relationship. It's like I've gone from one extreme to the other.
He texts me at the library right before we closed today that it was necessary that I call him ASAP. I asked if I could call him between the library and my youth group meeting, which I had approximately 5 minutes. So I called him, and he goes on about how his boss is making him work tonight at 6, and he doesn't know how long it will go, but would I be interested in meeting up maybe later on - like 9 or 10 tonight? We talked on the phone, and I was very understanding about the whole situation. I think he thought I was going to get all angry or upset, or blow up on the phone or something. I am ok with plans being canceled, I don't enjoy it, but as long as I know, I'm fine. I didn't make a big deal out of it, and just asked him to keep me posted on how it was going tonight, or if we should just reschedule for another night this week. Since it was daylight savings, it actually feels much earlier than 8:30 right now, but I am exhausted! I didn't get home from my friend's birthday party last night until after 4, had to work all day, have a lot to do for school, so I think I'm just going to say no thanks for tonight. He's been texting me updates, but it doesn't look like he'll be done until after 10, and I'm not having any of that.
This makes yet another time our first date has been canceled due to his work. I really do want to meet this guy. And as someone who has a fairly busy work schedule, I should be understanding. the difference is I know in advance when I am or not free due to work, and my jobs don't really have any true urgency that is going to change that schedule. His on the other hand, requires him to be available 24/7, or basically at his boss's every need. He has done nothing but bad mouth his boss to me, although with a kind of respect I don't really understand. I think he thinks his boss is a jerk but he truly respects him, if that makes any sense... Anyway, his last text to me was about half an hour ago, I had said, why don't we just plan for another night, and he responded that he wanted to see how long it would be and added that his boss knew we had plans tonight. That made me laugh. I've never had a boss that could have that kind of control over my social life, nor would I want someone to have that kind of power. I imagine his boss to be this crazy controlling man, who doesn't want one of his most dependable employees to go on a date because it might change his outlook on how important his job is. Wow, I was just cock blocked by a guy I've never met, yet already dislike.
It's highly unlikely that we'll go out tonight. Which is sad, and disappointing, but at the same time, gives me some perspective. Am I going to spend yet another week talking and texting with him? Although I really don't want to, I probably will. It may give me some perspective though on the amount of stock I put on my dates before they happen, right up until the moment I get there.
On a completely unrelated note, it's been one month since things ended with Google. We've talked maybe 3 or 4 times via IM since then. He drunk texted me once. I may have drunk texted him once. (I think I did, but I never checked my sent texts the next day, and now they are gone!) I thought that I missed him, despite knowing how wrong he is for me. However, I've come to the conclusion that I do not miss him, but I miss what we had. He was not a good catch (despite what his match profile might make him out to be!), he's a miserable person, who lacks social skills, and lacks in many other areas as well. He did not care a whole lot about me, despite how much I tried to get him to. I do not miss him. I do not miss wondering if he is going to want to see me. I do not miss seeing him online and knowing that he's there, and CHOOSING not to talk to me. I don't miss wondering if I could be doing something different to make him like me more. I miss being out in Philly, getting to do really fun things, having romantic evenings, sharing myself with someone, becoming part of someone else's life. None of those things are exclusive to Google. I will have them again, with someone who mirrors the same feelings for me.
His apartment, however, will be deeply missed, and hard to get over. That was architectural love at first sight. Sigh.
So, we had plans to meet up tonight. We have talked just about every single day since we first started communicating a week ago. It's only been a week of communication but it feels like so much more based on how often we text/talk. He actually called me at the library on Friday with made up reference questions so I could talk to him while I was at work. It was super slow and I was very bored! He made for good company but still this is all preemptive since we haven't even met yet! He sent me a text this morning with the plan being to go bowling at North Bowl tonight. I'm not a huge fan of bowling on a first date, it's definitely more of a second date type of thing. I agreed and have done bowling both successfully and unsuccessfully as first dates before, and his other suggestion was I go over his house for him to cook us dinner and watch a movie! Whoa, there buddy. That is like... 5th or 6th date territory, not first meeting! No. I opted for bowling, but I get the feeling he's a "relationship" type guy and not a dater. He seems to be doing very boyfriend-y things before we've even met, the texts throughout the day, nicknames, wanting to have nights in before any nights out! Maybe I think more like a dater than a relationship-er. I know it is NECESSARY to have dates before you get into a relationship, but like how Google didn't know how to be in a relationship because he had never had one, maybe I could really get used to a guy to who ONLY knows how to be in a relationship. It's like I've gone from one extreme to the other.
He texts me at the library right before we closed today that it was necessary that I call him ASAP. I asked if I could call him between the library and my youth group meeting, which I had approximately 5 minutes. So I called him, and he goes on about how his boss is making him work tonight at 6, and he doesn't know how long it will go, but would I be interested in meeting up maybe later on - like 9 or 10 tonight? We talked on the phone, and I was very understanding about the whole situation. I think he thought I was going to get all angry or upset, or blow up on the phone or something. I am ok with plans being canceled, I don't enjoy it, but as long as I know, I'm fine. I didn't make a big deal out of it, and just asked him to keep me posted on how it was going tonight, or if we should just reschedule for another night this week. Since it was daylight savings, it actually feels much earlier than 8:30 right now, but I am exhausted! I didn't get home from my friend's birthday party last night until after 4, had to work all day, have a lot to do for school, so I think I'm just going to say no thanks for tonight. He's been texting me updates, but it doesn't look like he'll be done until after 10, and I'm not having any of that.
This makes yet another time our first date has been canceled due to his work. I really do want to meet this guy. And as someone who has a fairly busy work schedule, I should be understanding. the difference is I know in advance when I am or not free due to work, and my jobs don't really have any true urgency that is going to change that schedule. His on the other hand, requires him to be available 24/7, or basically at his boss's every need. He has done nothing but bad mouth his boss to me, although with a kind of respect I don't really understand. I think he thinks his boss is a jerk but he truly respects him, if that makes any sense... Anyway, his last text to me was about half an hour ago, I had said, why don't we just plan for another night, and he responded that he wanted to see how long it would be and added that his boss knew we had plans tonight. That made me laugh. I've never had a boss that could have that kind of control over my social life, nor would I want someone to have that kind of power. I imagine his boss to be this crazy controlling man, who doesn't want one of his most dependable employees to go on a date because it might change his outlook on how important his job is. Wow, I was just cock blocked by a guy I've never met, yet already dislike.
It's highly unlikely that we'll go out tonight. Which is sad, and disappointing, but at the same time, gives me some perspective. Am I going to spend yet another week talking and texting with him? Although I really don't want to, I probably will. It may give me some perspective though on the amount of stock I put on my dates before they happen, right up until the moment I get there.
On a completely unrelated note, it's been one month since things ended with Google. We've talked maybe 3 or 4 times via IM since then. He drunk texted me once. I may have drunk texted him once. (I think I did, but I never checked my sent texts the next day, and now they are gone!) I thought that I missed him, despite knowing how wrong he is for me. However, I've come to the conclusion that I do not miss him, but I miss what we had. He was not a good catch (despite what his match profile might make him out to be!), he's a miserable person, who lacks social skills, and lacks in many other areas as well. He did not care a whole lot about me, despite how much I tried to get him to. I do not miss him. I do not miss wondering if he is going to want to see me. I do not miss seeing him online and knowing that he's there, and CHOOSING not to talk to me. I don't miss wondering if I could be doing something different to make him like me more. I miss being out in Philly, getting to do really fun things, having romantic evenings, sharing myself with someone, becoming part of someone else's life. None of those things are exclusive to Google. I will have them again, with someone who mirrors the same feelings for me.
His apartment, however, will be deeply missed, and hard to get over. That was architectural love at first sight. Sigh.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Danger Zone
2 weeks in a row I've had dates on Wednesday nights, with guys who are much younger than I normally date. It's a strange thing, going from dating someone who is much older and more settled in his life to dating guys who have so much of their plan still to come. The guy from last night is 26, I think soon to be 27, but I'm not sure. We had emailed, and then sent some texts back and forth on Saturday/Sunday, then agreed to meet up this week for drinks on Wednesday night. I wasn't overly excited about the date, I don't know why. There was nothing unappealing about this guy. He was cute, smart, interesting through emails... I just didn't get that connected feeling or excitement leading up to the date. So I went into the date with a slightly uninterested vibe, not sure where this was all going to lead.
We met up at a bar that wouldn't have been my first choice. It was a rather large bar right across the street from 30th Street Station, it's an Irish bar - and it being the month of March, they have St. Patty's events going on every single night. Last night was live music, which made it rather hard to have good conversation. Not a good choice for a first date, but I get the feeling he didn't know any better. Also his choice of seating was less than ideal. He got there before I did (not surprising!) and had chosen a table in the bar area, but it was literally almost on top of another table right next to us. There was a couple sitting so close to us, I felt like we were at the same table - they were on a first date too - which provided even more distraction than the live music!
So, I admit that I eavesdropped on the date going on next to me, because I thought it was hysterical. I don't know that most people can pick up on first date conversation so easily, but I've been on enough first dates to know it when I hear it. The funniest stuff was what the girl was saying. While my date was at the bar getting my drink for me, I was listening to the girl on the date next to me talk to the guy about how she's "so into wine" right now. She made a resolution to drink wine instead of beer (except she has a Stella in front of her, weird.) and she doesn't like the after taste of alcohol. I was bored and I wasn't even IN the conversation. Is this what other girls talk about on dates? Yawn. So, my date returns with my drink and we have good conversation (not about wine, or beer, or any kind of alcohol at all...) that was fairly natural, but I felt uncomfortable with the other table so close. If I could listen in on their conversation, they could easily listen in on mine. The best part was when the girl was talking about how she was "so over 23" Really? and the guy who she's on the date with commiserated that he's not looking forward to turning 27. And how 30 is just looming around the corner for him. Oh. dear. lord. So here I am, on a date with a 26 year old, next to a 26 year old and 23 year old. I'm the granny of this bunch!
The date wrapped up after 2 hours, I had only put 2 hours of quarters in my meter, and needed to get to my car before I got a ticket because I apparently parked on the one street that has meters that run until midnight! It was a good time to go though, 2 hours was more than enough. I still hadn't rallied up any feelings towards this guy that would make me want to see him again. There's no reason why I wouldn't, I just don't think there's any interest there. I'm not sure if it was mutual or not. (because I know your curious: The other first date lasted much longer than mine - they were there before we got there, and still there when we left!) He walked me to my car, even though it was parked far away from where he parked. I offered to drive him back to his car, but he declined the offer. He gave me a hug, there was the obligatory parting remarks of "this was fun, we should do it again sometime." and agreement (I never know what to say to that!) And I ended my 2nd Wednesday night date, heading home.
Those of you who have been following the fan page on Facebook (if you're not a fan, there's a link below!), know that there's another guy in the works. Someone who I am REALLY excited about. Here's some back story on him. He winked at me on Match, back in November when he first moved into Philly. I don't remember if I didn't wink back, or if we never emailed for whatever reason, but I know we never connected through any kind of real communication. Sunday night, I saw his profile online over the weekend, and I vaguely remembered our connection from before (his profile is more wordy than mine - if you can imagine!) so I winked at him. Within an hour, he had winked back AND emailed me. We sent 3 emails back and forth that night, and finally it was late, so I gave him my cell phone number (expecting him to call in a day or so) and started getting ready to go to bed. He sends me a text that was just the lyric to one of my all time favorite Beatles songs. I responded that it was one of my favorites, and a good call on his part. He responds that it's HIS favorite, and how strange is that? We ended up texting back and forth for a good hour and a half that night, and potentially set up a date for Tuesday. He was going to call me on Monday to confirm, but Monday came and went and I didn't hear from him until very late. It was almost 10:30 when he finally texted me to tell me that he had been at work until 9:45, he was so exhausted, and could we talk tomorrow? Of course. I was a little bummed that the date was not going to happen, but I understand busy work schedules, as mine gets in the way ALL the time! On Tuesday, I was pleasantly surprised to get a text from him which he had sent around 8am, just wishing me a good day. I responded and again we texted back and forth throughout the day. Tuesday night, we're supposed to talk, but he has to work late again, and is exhausted. At this point, I'm a little tired of the texting and not setting up a date, and wondering if this guy has any real interest in meeting me at all. So when he texts me that he's tired and we'll talk tomorrow, I respond with something pseudo witty/snarky about how that's the 2nd night in a row he's done that. He immediately apologizes, and I do believe that he was just truly exhausted. I mention that I won't be around because I'm going out for drinks the following night (I don't mention that it's on a date...) so we probably won't get to talk. He says he's over the texting thing, I agree. So, am I more than a little surprised when he sends me a text to check in with me the next day to see how my day is going? Yes. We text a little bit, but with my school/gym/date schedule, I was less responsive. After I got home from my date, I checked in to see if he was still awake, and if he wanted to talk. He called me, and although it breaks ALL my pre-dating rules, we talked on the phone for 2 and a half hours. He's so much different than I would expect. We have a lot in common. I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up, because before a date, that's really dangerous (like photographer-dangerous!) He called me this morning, to wish me a good day, and to talk some more. We could have probably talked for another 2.5 hours if I hadn't been walking into school! And of course, we were sending texts back and forth most of the day. We are going out this weekend, either Friday night after the library, or Sunday. Either way, I need to turn it down a little bit! He is really sweet, and we have a lot to talk about... but if it gets too built up before we meet, I'm afraid it will be bitterly disappointing for one or both of us!
We met up at a bar that wouldn't have been my first choice. It was a rather large bar right across the street from 30th Street Station, it's an Irish bar - and it being the month of March, they have St. Patty's events going on every single night. Last night was live music, which made it rather hard to have good conversation. Not a good choice for a first date, but I get the feeling he didn't know any better. Also his choice of seating was less than ideal. He got there before I did (not surprising!) and had chosen a table in the bar area, but it was literally almost on top of another table right next to us. There was a couple sitting so close to us, I felt like we were at the same table - they were on a first date too - which provided even more distraction than the live music!
So, I admit that I eavesdropped on the date going on next to me, because I thought it was hysterical. I don't know that most people can pick up on first date conversation so easily, but I've been on enough first dates to know it when I hear it. The funniest stuff was what the girl was saying. While my date was at the bar getting my drink for me, I was listening to the girl on the date next to me talk to the guy about how she's "so into wine" right now. She made a resolution to drink wine instead of beer (except she has a Stella in front of her, weird.) and she doesn't like the after taste of alcohol. I was bored and I wasn't even IN the conversation. Is this what other girls talk about on dates? Yawn. So, my date returns with my drink and we have good conversation (not about wine, or beer, or any kind of alcohol at all...) that was fairly natural, but I felt uncomfortable with the other table so close. If I could listen in on their conversation, they could easily listen in on mine. The best part was when the girl was talking about how she was "so over 23" Really? and the guy who she's on the date with commiserated that he's not looking forward to turning 27. And how 30 is just looming around the corner for him. Oh. dear. lord. So here I am, on a date with a 26 year old, next to a 26 year old and 23 year old. I'm the granny of this bunch!
The date wrapped up after 2 hours, I had only put 2 hours of quarters in my meter, and needed to get to my car before I got a ticket because I apparently parked on the one street that has meters that run until midnight! It was a good time to go though, 2 hours was more than enough. I still hadn't rallied up any feelings towards this guy that would make me want to see him again. There's no reason why I wouldn't, I just don't think there's any interest there. I'm not sure if it was mutual or not. (because I know your curious: The other first date lasted much longer than mine - they were there before we got there, and still there when we left!) He walked me to my car, even though it was parked far away from where he parked. I offered to drive him back to his car, but he declined the offer. He gave me a hug, there was the obligatory parting remarks of "this was fun, we should do it again sometime." and agreement (I never know what to say to that!) And I ended my 2nd Wednesday night date, heading home.
Those of you who have been following the fan page on Facebook (if you're not a fan, there's a link below!), know that there's another guy in the works. Someone who I am REALLY excited about. Here's some back story on him. He winked at me on Match, back in November when he first moved into Philly. I don't remember if I didn't wink back, or if we never emailed for whatever reason, but I know we never connected through any kind of real communication. Sunday night, I saw his profile online over the weekend, and I vaguely remembered our connection from before (his profile is more wordy than mine - if you can imagine!) so I winked at him. Within an hour, he had winked back AND emailed me. We sent 3 emails back and forth that night, and finally it was late, so I gave him my cell phone number (expecting him to call in a day or so) and started getting ready to go to bed. He sends me a text that was just the lyric to one of my all time favorite Beatles songs. I responded that it was one of my favorites, and a good call on his part. He responds that it's HIS favorite, and how strange is that? We ended up texting back and forth for a good hour and a half that night, and potentially set up a date for Tuesday. He was going to call me on Monday to confirm, but Monday came and went and I didn't hear from him until very late. It was almost 10:30 when he finally texted me to tell me that he had been at work until 9:45, he was so exhausted, and could we talk tomorrow? Of course. I was a little bummed that the date was not going to happen, but I understand busy work schedules, as mine gets in the way ALL the time! On Tuesday, I was pleasantly surprised to get a text from him which he had sent around 8am, just wishing me a good day. I responded and again we texted back and forth throughout the day. Tuesday night, we're supposed to talk, but he has to work late again, and is exhausted. At this point, I'm a little tired of the texting and not setting up a date, and wondering if this guy has any real interest in meeting me at all. So when he texts me that he's tired and we'll talk tomorrow, I respond with something pseudo witty/snarky about how that's the 2nd night in a row he's done that. He immediately apologizes, and I do believe that he was just truly exhausted. I mention that I won't be around because I'm going out for drinks the following night (I don't mention that it's on a date...) so we probably won't get to talk. He says he's over the texting thing, I agree. So, am I more than a little surprised when he sends me a text to check in with me the next day to see how my day is going? Yes. We text a little bit, but with my school/gym/date schedule, I was less responsive. After I got home from my date, I checked in to see if he was still awake, and if he wanted to talk. He called me, and although it breaks ALL my pre-dating rules, we talked on the phone for 2 and a half hours. He's so much different than I would expect. We have a lot in common. I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up, because before a date, that's really dangerous (like photographer-dangerous!) He called me this morning, to wish me a good day, and to talk some more. We could have probably talked for another 2.5 hours if I hadn't been walking into school! And of course, we were sending texts back and forth most of the day. We are going out this weekend, either Friday night after the library, or Sunday. Either way, I need to turn it down a little bit! He is really sweet, and we have a lot to talk about... but if it gets too built up before we meet, I'm afraid it will be bitterly disappointing for one or both of us!
Sunday, March 07, 2010
The Missing Piece
It hasn't been easy, letting go of this thing I have for Google, and despite how much I know that I'm better off, and that I can and will do SO much better, I haven't let it go yet. I spend countless hours agonizing and analyzing. Speculating as to WHY I just wasn't enough. I've gotten this way before, I've had obsessions that have left me on the crazy side of the spectrum. T is a perfect example, but once he sent me that email, I was much better and able to move on. I knew why he dropped off the face of the earth, I knew why he thought I wasn't good enough, and I was able to make peace with that, and move on. I haven't been able to do that with Google because I just don't know. He never gave me any reasons as to why he wanted to break up besides his depression issues and that he "had been doubting his feelings." Whatever that means. It means you don't like me, yes, I get that... but WHY.
I have been analyzing this with whomever will listen, and more often than not offer me their opinions and/or advice. Today, however, I got better than that. Remember my friend who is marrying the cousin of Google's friend? Well today I learned just one little detail about Google that helped me close the door. Just one piece of information, that's all. And it didn't even come from Google himself, but it makes SO much sense to me now. I'm sure all the pieces were there before, and I couldn't just see them, but this was like the missing piece of the puzzle. After we broke up, my friend asked her fiance's sister what she knew about Google, to see if she could find out anything to help me get over him. I don't think she thought this piece of information was very relevant, until today. So it turns out that Google has been (or was) crazy in love the friend that I met that one day, you know the one who told me all about his mother and the checklist. This is the wife of one of his good friends, a friend who had his first wife cheat on him with one his other friends. Nice, right? That's something Google told me, I didn't learn that today, I'm just putting the whole situation into perspective. So, back to Google being in love with his friend's now-wife. I don't know if he's still in love with her, but remember when I wrote about how he posted on twitter that he is in love with his 2 downstairs neighbors... yes, I think I'm sensing a pattern here. This was all I needed to shut the door on this in my mind. He clearly has these ideals in his mind of what he thinks he wants, and doesn't really give anyone a chance if they are not exactly fitting the mold of what he thinks he "should" have.
He never really got to know me, he just wanted me to be this person who he wanted - and was never really interested in knowing me and everything great I have to offer. This is why he wasn't interested in meeting my friends, but always wanted me to do things/fit in with his friends. This is not the stuff a real relationship is built on. I am an extremely generous and caring person in relationships, and I went out of my way time and time again to make sure Google knew he was cared for by me. Little things, notes, birthday presents, valentine's day presents... all of these things were carefully crafted with him in mind, and not once did he ever consider me, what I might want or need in this relationship. I was filling a space that couldn't be filled by any of the people he actually wanted to fill it, which of course lead him to be bitterly disappointed. Should he have been disappointed in our relationship? Hell no. I know that when it comes to things that people put up with in relationships, in the short 8 weeks we dated, I dealt with a lot of crap that MOST girls wouldn't even consider.
I know that I dodged a bullet here. I am thankful that the relationship ended before I could get really hurt or trapped in a situation that has no good ending. I would never have lived up to that ideal in his mind, and I was already resentful of the fact that he treated me as if I had done something wrong. The only I ever did was not be the exact person he wanted me to be, well maybe he should have let me know what I was up against.
So the missing puzzle piece is in. My mind is surprisingly at ease, and I miss him much less every single time I think about it. I think about him bringing me to this party to meet his friend, how he barely even talked to me that entire night (thankfully my friend was there!), how maybe he was comparing me to her at every turn. It makes sense because if there was a time that I had to pinpoint where things went horribly wrong in our relationship, it was immediately following that weekend. Go figure.
I have been analyzing this with whomever will listen, and more often than not offer me their opinions and/or advice. Today, however, I got better than that. Remember my friend who is marrying the cousin of Google's friend? Well today I learned just one little detail about Google that helped me close the door. Just one piece of information, that's all. And it didn't even come from Google himself, but it makes SO much sense to me now. I'm sure all the pieces were there before, and I couldn't just see them, but this was like the missing piece of the puzzle. After we broke up, my friend asked her fiance's sister what she knew about Google, to see if she could find out anything to help me get over him. I don't think she thought this piece of information was very relevant, until today. So it turns out that Google has been (or was) crazy in love the friend that I met that one day, you know the one who told me all about his mother and the checklist. This is the wife of one of his good friends, a friend who had his first wife cheat on him with one his other friends. Nice, right? That's something Google told me, I didn't learn that today, I'm just putting the whole situation into perspective. So, back to Google being in love with his friend's now-wife. I don't know if he's still in love with her, but remember when I wrote about how he posted on twitter that he is in love with his 2 downstairs neighbors... yes, I think I'm sensing a pattern here. This was all I needed to shut the door on this in my mind. He clearly has these ideals in his mind of what he thinks he wants, and doesn't really give anyone a chance if they are not exactly fitting the mold of what he thinks he "should" have.
He never really got to know me, he just wanted me to be this person who he wanted - and was never really interested in knowing me and everything great I have to offer. This is why he wasn't interested in meeting my friends, but always wanted me to do things/fit in with his friends. This is not the stuff a real relationship is built on. I am an extremely generous and caring person in relationships, and I went out of my way time and time again to make sure Google knew he was cared for by me. Little things, notes, birthday presents, valentine's day presents... all of these things were carefully crafted with him in mind, and not once did he ever consider me, what I might want or need in this relationship. I was filling a space that couldn't be filled by any of the people he actually wanted to fill it, which of course lead him to be bitterly disappointed. Should he have been disappointed in our relationship? Hell no. I know that when it comes to things that people put up with in relationships, in the short 8 weeks we dated, I dealt with a lot of crap that MOST girls wouldn't even consider.
I know that I dodged a bullet here. I am thankful that the relationship ended before I could get really hurt or trapped in a situation that has no good ending. I would never have lived up to that ideal in his mind, and I was already resentful of the fact that he treated me as if I had done something wrong. The only I ever did was not be the exact person he wanted me to be, well maybe he should have let me know what I was up against.
So the missing puzzle piece is in. My mind is surprisingly at ease, and I miss him much less every single time I think about it. I think about him bringing me to this party to meet his friend, how he barely even talked to me that entire night (thankfully my friend was there!), how maybe he was comparing me to her at every turn. It makes sense because if there was a time that I had to pinpoint where things went horribly wrong in our relationship, it was immediately following that weekend. Go figure.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Speed Dating.
I am going to try to keep this blog as short as this date was (Thanks, Deb!), but I don't want you guys to get the wrong idea...
Ok, so it was my first foray back into the dating world after Google. Am I over Google yet? Not completely. Did this date help, 100x, yes!! I had some reservations, yes... but I was definitely interested in getting back in the game again. So my biggest reservation was this guy's age. If you remember back when I started this blog, at a mere 25 years old, I was VERY age conscious. If a guy was just 6 months younger than me, I had reservations. So here I am tonight, going on a date with a guy who is not just a few months younger, but a few years younger. He is only 25 years old. Age is just a number, I know, and I shouldn't let it bother me. I mean, I didn't do very well dating someone who was 35, so maybe I need to go younger - much much younger! It's weird, I've been getting a lot of younger guy attention. The 3 guys I've been talking to are all younger - 25, 26, & 28. Maybe I've been dating at the wrong end of this pool.
Anyway, back to the shortest (good) date of history. I remember posting once upon a time that any date that clocked in at under 3 hours normally didn't warrant a second date. This one was just under an hour and a half, seriously. SHORT. But it wasn't bad. We met up at the Artful Dodger in Old City, I wasn't sure if it was going to be dinner or drinks. I hadn't planned on anything. I wasn't super looking forward to it, but I was going because I knew I had to. We had a couple of good emails, and he fits my type, with the exception of the age. I showed up on the date a little late, there was an insane amount of rush hour traffic getting over the bridge, but I made it only 10 minutes late or so, and he had texted me before hand, apologizing for sending me into the throws of Philly rush hour. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw him, he was cuter than I thought from his pictures, and taller than I thought too, both were good signs. He had been at the bar, and I was going to just join him there, but he suggested we get a table.
We ate, had some beers, and talked throughout the entire dinner. It was basically empty in the restaurant, and dinner was very quick. I also ate a salad that was very onion-y, which might have been a bad move on my part. We talked a lot, about a lot of different things, but it was weird too. I wasn't completely ready for the date, mentally, but I laughed a lot, and the conversation was easy to come by, I think. So after dinner, he paid (I offered, I feel especially since he's younger - I should pay!) and we went outside. Apparently, it was raining, but it was barely noticeable. We started walking up 2nd street, I didn't know where we were going. At one point, he turned to me and asked where my car was. Oh. My car. It was a few blocks back from where we just walked past. I was surprised that the date was ending quite so soon. It seemed to be going really well, and then we were walking to my car. I was very confused! Maybe the younger kids do this dating thing differently.
So I was assuming this wasn't going so well for him, and then he says, So we should really do this again sometimes. And starts saying how he'll take the train over to Jersey, since he doesn't have a car. I was kind of taken aback. Part of me wanted to say if you want to do this again, why not just continue the date now? But maybe an hour and a half is his dating limit. Maybe it's better to not rush things, there's no need for marathon dates. He could turn out to be very fun, or he could not really be interested in a second date after all, and just said that. I would go out with him again, but I'm just glad that I had a good date, and who knows, 25 might be the new 35. :)
Oh dating game, it's good to be back.
Ok, so it was my first foray back into the dating world after Google. Am I over Google yet? Not completely. Did this date help, 100x, yes!! I had some reservations, yes... but I was definitely interested in getting back in the game again. So my biggest reservation was this guy's age. If you remember back when I started this blog, at a mere 25 years old, I was VERY age conscious. If a guy was just 6 months younger than me, I had reservations. So here I am tonight, going on a date with a guy who is not just a few months younger, but a few years younger. He is only 25 years old. Age is just a number, I know, and I shouldn't let it bother me. I mean, I didn't do very well dating someone who was 35, so maybe I need to go younger - much much younger! It's weird, I've been getting a lot of younger guy attention. The 3 guys I've been talking to are all younger - 25, 26, & 28. Maybe I've been dating at the wrong end of this pool.
Anyway, back to the shortest (good) date of history. I remember posting once upon a time that any date that clocked in at under 3 hours normally didn't warrant a second date. This one was just under an hour and a half, seriously. SHORT. But it wasn't bad. We met up at the Artful Dodger in Old City, I wasn't sure if it was going to be dinner or drinks. I hadn't planned on anything. I wasn't super looking forward to it, but I was going because I knew I had to. We had a couple of good emails, and he fits my type, with the exception of the age. I showed up on the date a little late, there was an insane amount of rush hour traffic getting over the bridge, but I made it only 10 minutes late or so, and he had texted me before hand, apologizing for sending me into the throws of Philly rush hour. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw him, he was cuter than I thought from his pictures, and taller than I thought too, both were good signs. He had been at the bar, and I was going to just join him there, but he suggested we get a table.
We ate, had some beers, and talked throughout the entire dinner. It was basically empty in the restaurant, and dinner was very quick. I also ate a salad that was very onion-y, which might have been a bad move on my part. We talked a lot, about a lot of different things, but it was weird too. I wasn't completely ready for the date, mentally, but I laughed a lot, and the conversation was easy to come by, I think. So after dinner, he paid (I offered, I feel especially since he's younger - I should pay!) and we went outside. Apparently, it was raining, but it was barely noticeable. We started walking up 2nd street, I didn't know where we were going. At one point, he turned to me and asked where my car was. Oh. My car. It was a few blocks back from where we just walked past. I was surprised that the date was ending quite so soon. It seemed to be going really well, and then we were walking to my car. I was very confused! Maybe the younger kids do this dating thing differently.
So I was assuming this wasn't going so well for him, and then he says, So we should really do this again sometimes. And starts saying how he'll take the train over to Jersey, since he doesn't have a car. I was kind of taken aback. Part of me wanted to say if you want to do this again, why not just continue the date now? But maybe an hour and a half is his dating limit. Maybe it's better to not rush things, there's no need for marathon dates. He could turn out to be very fun, or he could not really be interested in a second date after all, and just said that. I would go out with him again, but I'm just glad that I had a good date, and who knows, 25 might be the new 35. :)
Oh dating game, it's good to be back.
Monday, March 01, 2010
Compromised.
The blog has been compromised, but as an honest blogger, and someone who is years away from all this drama, I don't really care. But I'm getting ahead of myself...
When it rains, it pours. Right now, my life unfortunately is raining ex boyfriend drama all over me. Not in a good way, either. So, I mentioned in the previous post that I have been spending some time with Mr. Perfect, this was just the beginning of my rain storm of ex-interaction that has surfaced over the past few days.
In the previous post, I wrote that during the play I received an email from my ex's sister... I need to back up, a few posts, and remind you that when I was posting about the potential of meeting Google's mom, I posted about my ex's mom, didn't say nice things, and mentioned that my ex was now married and he had posted about how his family had ruined his wedding. What I didn't post was that I had commented on his post, mentioning that I was proud of him for breaking free of his parents controlling ways, wishing him well, because regardless, he was 2 and a half years of my life, and I do wish him well.
Back to the night of the play, I saw that I had received an email on facebook from my ex's sister. His name was the subject. I felt an all too familiar knot in my stomach, something I hadn't felt in well over 5 years. I could feel the drama seeping back into my life, and if I opened the email, it would be full-fledged back in my life. Curiosity of course gets the best of me, and I opened the email. I should post the whole email here, but honestly, I don't care that much. It was a 5 paragraph email, regarding my post on my ex's post about his wedding, that went on and on about how awful of a person my ex is, how all he does is lie, how his family was actually very good to me, and how my entire relationship with him was based on a series of lies between his family and me, none of us knew the truth. Also, when we broke up it was my ex's idea to box all my remaining things up, put them outside the door, and change the locks - not his family's. At this point, I'm not sure I care whose idea it was, or why it happened. It was 5 years ago. I'm over it. She then goes on to tell me about how his family paid for his new wife's engagement ring, awesome, and all the drama that surrounded my ex's wedding and why they are no longer speaking to him. All of this is none of my business, and really has nothing to do with me. She ends her email questioning why I am on my ex's side now, after he said such horrible/awful things about me, and I should know that he really was nothing but a liar, but did like my mom the best (yay, mom! haha.) Reading this email was a bit surprising to me, because I had been away from all of this for at least 5 years. My ex and I kept in contact a bit throughout the years, probably up until the time when he drove down to my parents house, the last time I saw him, 3 years ago, but it was all very platonic, and I would have never ever gotten back together with him. Despite all of that, I still spent over 2 years of my life with him, I knew him very well, and I don't care who's telling the truth and who is a liar and who said horrible things about me, I want my ex to be happy. I didn't respond to the email, I didn't even think about it, his family issues are NOT MINE anymore.
I went on with my very busy weekend, there's the 3 guys (who are down to 2 right now, I think...) I'm trying to set up dates with, there's getting over Google, there's building my friendship with Mr. P, I have other things on my mind. So, this afternoon, while I was at work, I checked my email, and was just a little surprised to see ANOTHER email from my ex's family. Although this time, it was not from his sister, but from his step-mother. Remember, the one I posted not nice things about? Yeah, so again, that now all too familiar pit in my stomach reappears, but the subject line caught my eye a bit more, "WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO YOU" in all caps, kind of stands out. Really? The step-mother of my ex boyfriend, who did tell me at one point in my relationship with him, that she did not like me in the beginning of when I was dating him (only when I stood by him after he stopped paying the electricity bill, cable bill, etc, and I had just PAID to get our cable turned back on, when the electricity got turned off, and collectors were calling the apartment EVERY DAY, only then did she tell me that she thought I was good for him). Ok, so back to the email I got today. She starts off by apologizing for anything I think she did to me, and mentions something about being controlling, and how she always thought I was a nice girl and my ex's reasons for breaking up with had nothing to do with her or her husband. WHOA. Ok, back up! I went back and re-read the post I had written to my ex, which obviously his family had found. I wrote nothing about his step-mom specifically, just some general comments about his family, said NOTHING about his parents being the cause of us breaking up (I said they were our issue of contention - but they weren't the reason we broke up - it was actually a fairly civil break up before the locks were changed and my stuff put outside, I wasn't happy - he wasn't happy, there was no point in continuing that any longer.)
So, I was kind of confused where this email was stemming from, and I noticed that some of those words sound like what I wrote a month ago in my blog. So I went back and checked. Sure enough, I called my ex's step-mom a controlling bitch, I also mentioned that early in relationship my ex had told me that his step-mom and dad told him to break up with me, which he didn't and was not the cause of our break up. So... is my ex's family reading my blog? My guess is yes, so is this opening the door to more emails? for more drama with my ex's family? If they are reading this, please know this: My relationship with my ex ended 5 years ago, on our own accord - not because he lied to me or because of his financial situation, but because as it sometimes happen, two people just aren't right for each other. And we each moved on. I have long since made peace with that. I wish my ex well, I hope he's happy, and I do not want to get involved in any family drama. The end. (I hope)
More exes resurfaced this week too. There was this guy I dated in college. I met him at my sorority house, one night he was there with a bunch of his fraternity brothers, I think one of them was dating one of my sorority sisters. He was super persistent, and somehow I ended up dating him for a few months. He was never right for me, and when we dated he treated me like crap. I was really young at the time, and foolish, and the more he treated me badly, the more I wanted to be with him. (wait, this sounds slightly familiar - Google?) I remember wasting a lot of tears and nights feeling awful because of him. And he was never, ever nice to me. This was a solid 8 years ago, and I haven't spoken to him in nearly as long. He would occasionally get back in touch throughout the end of my senior year/summer after, to try to get me to hook up with him, but that never happened. I don't remember the last time I saw him, I was probably 21. Well, he friended me last night on facebook. I debated whether or not I should even accept his friend-request, and eventually decided to, figuring it could do no/little harm. Today, I got many posts from him, on my pictures, on my posts, on my wall. It got to the point where my friend texted me to ask me who this guy was! I have no idea what exactly he thinks he'll accomplish by getting back in touch, but I can't believe this was someone I ever wasted my time on!
What's next? My high school boyfriend? There's something to be said about leaving the past where it belongs.
When it rains, it pours. Right now, my life unfortunately is raining ex boyfriend drama all over me. Not in a good way, either. So, I mentioned in the previous post that I have been spending some time with Mr. Perfect, this was just the beginning of my rain storm of ex-interaction that has surfaced over the past few days.
In the previous post, I wrote that during the play I received an email from my ex's sister... I need to back up, a few posts, and remind you that when I was posting about the potential of meeting Google's mom, I posted about my ex's mom, didn't say nice things, and mentioned that my ex was now married and he had posted about how his family had ruined his wedding. What I didn't post was that I had commented on his post, mentioning that I was proud of him for breaking free of his parents controlling ways, wishing him well, because regardless, he was 2 and a half years of my life, and I do wish him well.
Back to the night of the play, I saw that I had received an email on facebook from my ex's sister. His name was the subject. I felt an all too familiar knot in my stomach, something I hadn't felt in well over 5 years. I could feel the drama seeping back into my life, and if I opened the email, it would be full-fledged back in my life. Curiosity of course gets the best of me, and I opened the email. I should post the whole email here, but honestly, I don't care that much. It was a 5 paragraph email, regarding my post on my ex's post about his wedding, that went on and on about how awful of a person my ex is, how all he does is lie, how his family was actually very good to me, and how my entire relationship with him was based on a series of lies between his family and me, none of us knew the truth. Also, when we broke up it was my ex's idea to box all my remaining things up, put them outside the door, and change the locks - not his family's. At this point, I'm not sure I care whose idea it was, or why it happened. It was 5 years ago. I'm over it. She then goes on to tell me about how his family paid for his new wife's engagement ring, awesome, and all the drama that surrounded my ex's wedding and why they are no longer speaking to him. All of this is none of my business, and really has nothing to do with me. She ends her email questioning why I am on my ex's side now, after he said such horrible/awful things about me, and I should know that he really was nothing but a liar, but did like my mom the best (yay, mom! haha.) Reading this email was a bit surprising to me, because I had been away from all of this for at least 5 years. My ex and I kept in contact a bit throughout the years, probably up until the time when he drove down to my parents house, the last time I saw him, 3 years ago, but it was all very platonic, and I would have never ever gotten back together with him. Despite all of that, I still spent over 2 years of my life with him, I knew him very well, and I don't care who's telling the truth and who is a liar and who said horrible things about me, I want my ex to be happy. I didn't respond to the email, I didn't even think about it, his family issues are NOT MINE anymore.
I went on with my very busy weekend, there's the 3 guys (who are down to 2 right now, I think...) I'm trying to set up dates with, there's getting over Google, there's building my friendship with Mr. P, I have other things on my mind. So, this afternoon, while I was at work, I checked my email, and was just a little surprised to see ANOTHER email from my ex's family. Although this time, it was not from his sister, but from his step-mother. Remember, the one I posted not nice things about? Yeah, so again, that now all too familiar pit in my stomach reappears, but the subject line caught my eye a bit more, "WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO YOU" in all caps, kind of stands out. Really? The step-mother of my ex boyfriend, who did tell me at one point in my relationship with him, that she did not like me in the beginning of when I was dating him (only when I stood by him after he stopped paying the electricity bill, cable bill, etc, and I had just PAID to get our cable turned back on, when the electricity got turned off, and collectors were calling the apartment EVERY DAY, only then did she tell me that she thought I was good for him). Ok, so back to the email I got today. She starts off by apologizing for anything I think she did to me, and mentions something about being controlling, and how she always thought I was a nice girl and my ex's reasons for breaking up with had nothing to do with her or her husband. WHOA. Ok, back up! I went back and re-read the post I had written to my ex, which obviously his family had found. I wrote nothing about his step-mom specifically, just some general comments about his family, said NOTHING about his parents being the cause of us breaking up (I said they were our issue of contention - but they weren't the reason we broke up - it was actually a fairly civil break up before the locks were changed and my stuff put outside, I wasn't happy - he wasn't happy, there was no point in continuing that any longer.)
So, I was kind of confused where this email was stemming from, and I noticed that some of those words sound like what I wrote a month ago in my blog. So I went back and checked. Sure enough, I called my ex's step-mom a controlling bitch, I also mentioned that early in relationship my ex had told me that his step-mom and dad told him to break up with me, which he didn't and was not the cause of our break up. So... is my ex's family reading my blog? My guess is yes, so is this opening the door to more emails? for more drama with my ex's family? If they are reading this, please know this: My relationship with my ex ended 5 years ago, on our own accord - not because he lied to me or because of his financial situation, but because as it sometimes happen, two people just aren't right for each other. And we each moved on. I have long since made peace with that. I wish my ex well, I hope he's happy, and I do not want to get involved in any family drama. The end. (I hope)
More exes resurfaced this week too. There was this guy I dated in college. I met him at my sorority house, one night he was there with a bunch of his fraternity brothers, I think one of them was dating one of my sorority sisters. He was super persistent, and somehow I ended up dating him for a few months. He was never right for me, and when we dated he treated me like crap. I was really young at the time, and foolish, and the more he treated me badly, the more I wanted to be with him. (wait, this sounds slightly familiar - Google?) I remember wasting a lot of tears and nights feeling awful because of him. And he was never, ever nice to me. This was a solid 8 years ago, and I haven't spoken to him in nearly as long. He would occasionally get back in touch throughout the end of my senior year/summer after, to try to get me to hook up with him, but that never happened. I don't remember the last time I saw him, I was probably 21. Well, he friended me last night on facebook. I debated whether or not I should even accept his friend-request, and eventually decided to, figuring it could do no/little harm. Today, I got many posts from him, on my pictures, on my posts, on my wall. It got to the point where my friend texted me to ask me who this guy was! I have no idea what exactly he thinks he'll accomplish by getting back in touch, but I can't believe this was someone I ever wasted my time on!
What's next? My high school boyfriend? There's something to be said about leaving the past where it belongs.
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