Intuition.

So I was not completely wrong when I felt that something was off between me and Google this past weekend. I don't think it was so much my intuition as it was something that was glaringly obvious. We spent too much time together and he was just desperately itching for some space. That's fine, I just had different expectations. The weird thing is that when we were out tonight for dinner, and HE brought it up (I was not going to say anything!), he mimicked my words from the blog almost verbatim. He said that he could tell I was disappointed and he thought I had different expectations for the day. Um. Yup. Exactly what I wrote. I don't think he's found the blog or anything, but it does concern me that he used the exact same words I did to describe exactly how I was feeling. Clearly I wasn't hiding my feelings very well.

All of this does not come without a whole new set of reservations. Google opened up a bit to me tonight after dinner, which was really nice. I don't feel like we've had many talks that have been about ourselves. I try sometimes, but usually it's unsuccessful. So when he brought it up tonight, I was very pleased with that. I have concerns that it's very similar to the issues I dealt with Mr. Perfect and ultimately what caused us to break up. I feel like I might bring Mr. P's baggage into this tied up with my own some how. I'm really glad he told me, but it definitely threw me for a loop. It was NOT the conversation I was expecting to have tonight. I had planned out the conversation that I thought was the worst possible scenario and this was no where near as bad, but surprising. Now that I know, I can see similarities in behavior between Google and Mr. P. I'm not going to allow this to interfere with something that could be really great, but it's in my mind now, and it's something that will be there until I feel confident that it won't end the same way that things with Mr. Perfect did.

I don't ever want to be in a place where I was a year ago again. I don't make mistakes so I can repeat them, if I learned anything from my situation with Mr. Perfect is that I can't fix someone else's problems. I'm pretty sure despite their similarities with these issues, Google has a few years of experience on Mr. Perfect, and here's to hoping that his coping mechanisms are better in tact.

Tonight ended up being a very good night to get to know Google a little better. I was very nervous/anxious about the outcome of tonight's date. All in all, I'm glad my gut still in this game, and I can trust my instincts. I'm also going to learn from experience and tread carefully for however long it takes. There's no need to rush into this, so maybe a few steps back wouldn't hurt anyone.