Expectations

In school we set expectations for a lesson before we teach it, it helps guide us to where we want our students to go, and we can assess if they actually learned what we wanted them to learn. In real life, expectations are nothing but trouble. I have the habit of keeping my expectations very low, for about a week, and then once things start to progress in a direction I think is favorable, they sky rocket. Which of course only leads me to be bitterly disappointed when things don't work out the way that I want/think they should.

Things with Google have been progressing well... maybe too well? We've been going out, seeing each other multiple nights during the week/weekend, went on a double date with one of his friends last week, he took me to a concert this past weekend. I've been pretty good at keeping my hopes high but expectations low with him. I guess I flipped the switch this weekend, and the expectations shot up a bit beyond my control.

We saw each other Thursday night for the double date. We went to the Franklin Institute for the night sky event they do once a month. It was a great time, very interesting. It was cool to hang out with another couple, I had met them at new year's but I got to talk to them more on Thursday obviously. We went back to his place, I stayed over and left very early in the morning for school. I had to work Friday night, and we had talked about hanging out one or both nights this weekend, since we were both off on Monday. I had to work at the library all weekend, so Monday was truly my only day off. Days off for me are like gold. I don't just spend them with anyone because a full day off is hard to come by with my schedule. When he originally asked me if I was off on Monday, and I told him I was, he responded with an excited "yes!" which I took as a good sign. We didn't actually make plans for Monday, but after that response, I figured we'd be doing something together.

Saturday night we went out in West Chester. A band he really likes was playing, and he was excited to go back there since he hadn't been there in a few years, and he wanted to show me around where he used to live, etc. Seriously, it was like being with someone who was going back to his hometown for the first time in years. He pointed out all the places he used to hang out, his favorite park, the hill he went sledding on when it snowed... All of this from when he lived there when he was 28. But it was the first place he lived in on the east coast, and I'm sure it holds a lot of memories for him. I get that way about Brooklyn sometimes. We went to dinner at a very good sushi restaurant and the band was very good. (I have to say, of all the guys I've dated, we have a very compatible palate - food wise and musically - more so than anyone else so far.) The one area we seem to be incompatible is affection. I'm not an overly affectionate person in public. I like the usual, hand holding, an arm around the other person, a hand on the knee or back. I'm not overly PDAish, but compared to how completely unaffectionate Google is, I might as well be the most overtly affectionate person you've ever met. When we're out in public I get NADA from him. He did kiss me on the street between dinner and the concert, and that was SHOCKING to me. He also put his hand on my knee on the drive home that night, which was also surprising. And that is it in terms of affection that I got from Google that night. When we got back to his place, it's a whole different story, naturally. Night and Day.

All in all, Saturday night was the best night of the weekend. We had a great time, I was exhausted though, but when all was said and done, I thought it was the most he had opened up to me, sharing with me his life in West Chester, and taking me to see the concert. Sunday morning he drove me back to my house because I had to work. He mentioned that he didn't want to ask me to do anything with him on Monday because it was my day off, and I should be able to do anything I want on that day. I assured him that I wanted to spend my day off with him, again, no set plans were made... so maybe I was wrong to assume.

Sunday night after the library and my youth group meeting, I went over to Wegmans, picked up some food for dinner, and went over to Google's. I made a fairly awesome comfort food dinner of grilled cheese (Gruyere) on ciabatta bread with sliced avocado and bacon, paired with a side of tomato bisque soup and sweet potato fries. It was delicious. We watched tv, finished the rest of UP from last weekend, and then started to watch the pilot of this show he's very much into. I fell asleep about 20 minutes in, so I can't tell you much what it's about. We were both fairly tired, so we went to bed, and really just slept.

Yesterday was one month since our first date (I did not mention that to him - it didn't really seem relevant), and to be at the point where we spent an entire night/morning together that may have been passed by a G rated movie slightly unnerves me. Not that I need to be completely physical, all the time, but that's the only time I feel like I receive affection from him. If you take that out of the equation - it's no different than hanging out with a buddy. So, Sunday night and Monday morning lacked affection.

This morning we got up, and needed to get some coffee. He had mentioned making breakfast the night before, so when we were at the coffee shop, I was surprised when he got a cinnamon roll too. He asked me if I wanted anything, but I didn't get anything because I still for some reason thought he was going to make breakfast when we got back. He didn't. We watched Star Wars (because on Thursday night when we were out with his friends - it came up in conversation - he asked me a direct question about it - I had to admit that I have never in my life been able to stay awake long enough to watch the entire movie - I can no longer say that.) and around 1pm, he mentioned that he wanted to go for a bike ride. This wasn't a "let's go on a bike ride together" kind of comment. It was a "I'm going on a bike ride, you need to go" kind of comment. I was very confused because I had thought we were going to spend the day together. It was a beautiful day out. And I can understand him wanting to spend the day outdoors, I did too. We could have definitely done something outside, together. But he made it clear that he wanted to ride his bike, so I left. I hadn't eaten anything all day, I was frustrated that I had planned my day/evening to be in the city (I was going out for restaurant week with friends - so I planned on staying in the city all day and just meeting up with them after... not driving out and back to the city, yet again.) I was very let down, expectations wise. From where we started on Saturday to where we ended up today, I was just disappointed. Even the conversation we had briefly tonight left me feeling like maybe things have shifted a bit, things aren't looking as rosy as they once were, and I'm definitely not all smiles all the time. Oh real life, welcome back.