In Between Time.

Right now, I'm in between time with Google. We just spent a really nice afternoon together. We went to brunch and to the movies. We didn't have plans to hang out today, but yesterday morning when I was leaving I accidentally left my camera there and I need it for school tomorrow, so he said he'd drop it off. I suggested having brunch and going to see a movie since he was already coming out here. During the movie, I was back and forth in my own head about where is this going. I'm trying to not be in my head so much, to not think about the future and just live in the moment and enjoy it... but sometimes in the moment, I ask myself, is this something I want for a long time?

I've mentioned before that Google is not affectionate, publicly. And sometimes even when it's just us, I feel like it's work for him to do things that come naturally to me. Like a hug or holding hands or anything like that, I don't think he thinks to do that instinctively. I think this is something that can be learned.

We went to see Avatar today, which was supposed to be the movie we saw on our second date, but we ended up seeing Up in the Air instead.. which is shorter, and wasn't sold out everywhere at the time. It was a better choice for a second date. A month later, Avatar is still sold out on the weekends, at least in IMAX. I told him I would go over early and pick up the tickets because he was afraid it would be sold out, and I got there 2 and a half hours early, but it was still sold out. So we saw it in 3D instead, which was fine. During the course of this really long movie, we didn't have a whole lot of contact. I would occasionally have my hand on his arm or something, but we weren't cuddling like I'm used to at the movies. This bothers me, but I'm not going to let it stop me from showing affection. However at one point during there was an especially upsetting scene to me, and I normally would have gone to hold the person I'm with's hand at that point, but I didn't want to have to think about my actions on top of my emotions at that point. So since we're not doing the whole hand holding thing... I pulled away, not a whole lot. But I guess it was noticeable. He reached over and held my hand, which may not seem like a huge deal to anyone else, but to me, it was completely reassuring. To me, it shows that he cares about how I feel, and while affection might not be the most natural thing for him to show, he's willing to try.

After the movie, I was a little disappointed because this week is busy and his birthday is on Thursday, so I probably won't see him before then. And we spent a good amount of time together, but it's definitely less than I'm used to (especially after last weekend!). But I didn't want to push it, after the conversation we had last week, I want to give him as much space as he needs, whenever he needs it. I wasn't even supposed to see him today, so I was feeling good that we did spend already 6 hours together. We were leaving the theater and he asked me what my plans were for the rest of the day. I was confused because it was almost 6:30, so the day is pretty much over. I told him I didn't have any plans, and asked what he was doing. He told me that he was going to make dinner for himself and his neighbors, and I was welcome to come over if I wanted. Of course I want to. I know I'm supposed to make him miss me, and not see him every time he wants to see me. But these games are things I'm not good at. So I'm on my way over there in about 10 minutes, for dinner and dessert (L&S, that's for you!), and I'll be coming back home tonight.

My reservations are still there, but I'm feeling the old excitement coming back too. I'm not worrying about how long this is going to last, or where this might end up, at least I'm going to try. I can't change what I went through with Mr. Perfect, but I will use every bit of what I learned to make whatever this is work with Google.