So Saturday's date was a success! Not bad for my first real foray back into the dating world after such a long break from it. It's definitely strange having all those old feelings of nervousness and anticipation when I was so sure that I was out of this game for good until a few months ago. So, we met up at the Manayunk Brewery, which was actually fairly out of the way for both of us, but he wanted to go there, so I was game. It's right around the corner from my brother's place, and I was actually just there LAST Saturday with my brother and his girlfriend, so now I'm almost a regular. Anyway, the date. The guy was one who I've been emailing/texting/talking with for about a week, and I'm kind of done with long email exchanges that go nowhere. So, after a week of communication, we decided to meet for lunch. Which I think is a good non-commital date for a first date. It's not commiting to an evening, and I have a 3 date rule anyway. The first date is ALWAYS something that can be quick and easy... coffee, drinks, dessert, whatever. It's NEVER dinner. It can always turn into dinner if both parties are feeling it, or it can end within an hour if need be. No time lost, no harm, no foul. So we met up, and yeah, the initial introduction is always awkward, I've lost so much game! I think we shook hands, kind of weird. But not a deterrant, he was cute, looked a lot like his pictures (always a plus when you can recognize someone!), and very sweet. We sat outside, but unfortunately we're both rather fair skinned. I burn if I'm in direct sunlight less than 5 minutes, and he's only slightly darker in complexion than me. So, we wanted to sit outside, and deliberately asked for a table that was in the shade. Unfortunately, neither of us planned to be on this date for 6 hours, and shade doesn't stay in one place. So, we rotated our seats around the table, like clockwork. I'd say every 2 hours we'd switch seats, until it was after 6, the sun had dropped below the tree line, and it was time for us to go anyway. Parting was again slightly awkward, hug? kiss? Both? I don't know how it happened per se... but there was a hug first, and then it kind of lingered, so there was a quick kiss on the lips, and he was still holding onto my hands and making plans for our next date. It was a nice date, a really really nice date. There was good food, better beer, and even better conversation. We talked about EVERYTHING under the sun, he made me laugh, he watched a video of my students doing the cupid shuffle on my camera, he reads (YAY!!) so we talked about books for a while. All in all, it didn't feel like such a long date, which is always a good sign.
He sent me a text me this morning, telling me what a good time he had, and that he's looking forward to our next date. We were texting back and forth throughout the day, and tonight we even started a small reading competition (however, anyone who's read Atlas Shrugged knows it's not SMALL in any shape or form). I've had this book in my posession for years, and have yet to even think about reading it. I guess this will be good motivation, loser has to buy dinner and money is a bit tight! I should get reading, he's already 50 pages ahead of me and he actually wants to read this book! (FYI my copy is 1168 pages long... scary.)
Not planning on any other dates this week, but Quizzo nights always bring a strange selection of men and I'm sure I'll find something to keep up with.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
A Time-Machine
Well, at least I can put things to rest with the stranger I've been obsessing over. My friends are right, there is an idea there that is impossible to live up to in real life. If I had a time machine one of the first places I go would be to the day I sent that email in which I admit to being a crazy girl. Chalk that up to a life lesson learned. Seriously though, as much as I've been fixated on this person, it didn't really dawn on me that he is just a person, nothing greater than that. I think there's something about being attracted to someone's talent, and someone's strengths. I'm pretty sure that's what it was for me with this guy. I'd love to say that it was the amazing date I had yesterday that helped me to see the light (and yesterday's date was quite spectacular, maybe hope isn't such a bad thing!), but it was actually another irrational act of mine. I sent the stranger ANOTHER email. Yes, yes, I'm pathetic, but it was something I had hashed and rehashed with friends, and it came down to needing to do something. And this time I got a response, maybe not the response I was hoping for, but at least it was something. And it turns out he actually had written me back after my crazy email, but I never got that one. He attached it to the email he sent me today, and damn, if he isn't just a seriously nice guy. If I could climb into a virtual hole and hide there for a while, I would. So, a good guy gets away... irrational behavior NEVER pays off. I need to write this out, because the next time I am contemplating acts that I know are wrong, I will have this to reflect on. And maybe I won't need to get that far, I will blog about yesterday's date soon. I'm still reveling in the glory of a good date, mixed with the emotions of shame and embarrassment from what happened with the stranger! I want to be able to write about yesterday with a clear mind, and as the foggy haze of obsession is starting lift, I will add more later. Let's just say for now, the 2nd date is already in the works! :)
And don't forget, the Israeli will be on his way, staying here, not too far in the future. His visa was approved on Thursday, but thankfully he hasn't purchased any tickets yet! While re-reading the time we dated, I started to second guess that decision for him to come over to stay here, for such a long time!
And don't forget, the Israeli will be on his way, staying here, not too far in the future. His visa was approved on Thursday, but thankfully he hasn't purchased any tickets yet! While re-reading the time we dated, I started to second guess that decision for him to come over to stay here, for such a long time!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
The Luckiest
"I don't get many things right the first time, in fact I am told that a lot... now I know all the wrong turns and stumbles and falls brought me here" - Ben Folds
I know it seems strange to be quoting a love song (and one that brings tears to my eyes every time he gets to the verse about the old man and his wife), and even though I don't feel like the luckiest right now, I do feel hopeful. This song, this quote specifically, I can relate to, since as of late I feel like I've been doing not much but making mistakes! But it also brings me hope. Hope that all these mistakes I'm making might just turn into something good. This is something I never really factored into the equation before, that it's ok to HOPE for something to happen. I used to think it was better to have no expectations and not hope for anything, because then you'd never be disappointed. Well, that didn't turn out too well for me, did it? It seems when I went into things with low expectations, yes, I was pleasantly surprised more often, but I also ended up dating completely the wrong guys because of it! So, now I'm trying something new. Hoping for what I want. Putting it out there, no shame, no embarassment. Because what? I might meet someone who doesn't like me back? I've been through worse. He might not call when he says he will? And then I'll keep hoping that the next one will be better. What could be so bad about being hopeful? I spent so many years being jaded by these guys, and not getting my hopes up about any of the relationships I was in! I re-read the entire blog today, after being so amused by the partial reading of just from when I moved home, and I'm surprised by how wishy-washy I was about the guys I dated (the ones that lasted more than a few dates). I would go from being overly-smitten to being really nit picky and hateful. It was not a pretty thing to relive. And a lot of that is so true to how I felt at the time, too. Of all the guys who lasted at least a month, there was something wrong with each of them in the beginning, and I overlooked that because I was never allowing myself to hope for something better! I'm not saying I'm this over the top optimistic person and believe that I'll find my true love on one of these dates, but I'm going into them all with the hope that this could be a big moment in my life.
I was doing a writing assignment with my kids in summer school, and we were writing about what we're looking forward to, and I wrote that I don't know the exact thing I'm looking forward to, but I'm looking forward to the next big moment of my life. The thing about these big moments is you don't know they've happened until they've past. For example, when I went to go look at my house the first time (for those of you who don't know - I bought a house this year!), I had no idea it was going to be the house I was going to end up buying. I went to see it on a whim, no intention of actually putting an offer on it, I just wanted to look. Well the best laid plans... and 6 weeks later, I am a homeowner. I try to remember what I thought about the house the first time I saw it, what stuck out, what I loved, etc... but it's hard, because I was trying to not get my hopes up about it. I made myself stop thinking about it. And I wish I had allowed myself to be hopeful about it. So I'm going to do the same thing with my dates, I hated that my first date with Mr. Perfect was one that I had dreaded so much. I had so many pre-conceived notions and I was not looking forward to it at all, I had zero expectations, and obviously there was more I could have been hopeful about than I realized. As much as we had our differences, we had a very nice relationship that lasted over a year - my second longest. And whenever I told the story of our first date, I always started with how much I wasn't looking forward to that date. Isn't that terrible? Maybe if I had been a bit more hopeful, it wouldn't have changed the outcome of our relationship, but I'd feel a bit better about putting a year of my life into something I really wanted!
So, I'm looking forward to next big moment. The first date with the guy who makes me feel like I'm the luckiest. I know it's going to happen, whether it be sooner or later, I'm done with the negativity. Today is the official start of my newest dating season, and I am hoping for the best!
I know it seems strange to be quoting a love song (and one that brings tears to my eyes every time he gets to the verse about the old man and his wife), and even though I don't feel like the luckiest right now, I do feel hopeful. This song, this quote specifically, I can relate to, since as of late I feel like I've been doing not much but making mistakes! But it also brings me hope. Hope that all these mistakes I'm making might just turn into something good. This is something I never really factored into the equation before, that it's ok to HOPE for something to happen. I used to think it was better to have no expectations and not hope for anything, because then you'd never be disappointed. Well, that didn't turn out too well for me, did it? It seems when I went into things with low expectations, yes, I was pleasantly surprised more often, but I also ended up dating completely the wrong guys because of it! So, now I'm trying something new. Hoping for what I want. Putting it out there, no shame, no embarassment. Because what? I might meet someone who doesn't like me back? I've been through worse. He might not call when he says he will? And then I'll keep hoping that the next one will be better. What could be so bad about being hopeful? I spent so many years being jaded by these guys, and not getting my hopes up about any of the relationships I was in! I re-read the entire blog today, after being so amused by the partial reading of just from when I moved home, and I'm surprised by how wishy-washy I was about the guys I dated (the ones that lasted more than a few dates). I would go from being overly-smitten to being really nit picky and hateful. It was not a pretty thing to relive. And a lot of that is so true to how I felt at the time, too. Of all the guys who lasted at least a month, there was something wrong with each of them in the beginning, and I overlooked that because I was never allowing myself to hope for something better! I'm not saying I'm this over the top optimistic person and believe that I'll find my true love on one of these dates, but I'm going into them all with the hope that this could be a big moment in my life.
I was doing a writing assignment with my kids in summer school, and we were writing about what we're looking forward to, and I wrote that I don't know the exact thing I'm looking forward to, but I'm looking forward to the next big moment of my life. The thing about these big moments is you don't know they've happened until they've past. For example, when I went to go look at my house the first time (for those of you who don't know - I bought a house this year!), I had no idea it was going to be the house I was going to end up buying. I went to see it on a whim, no intention of actually putting an offer on it, I just wanted to look. Well the best laid plans... and 6 weeks later, I am a homeowner. I try to remember what I thought about the house the first time I saw it, what stuck out, what I loved, etc... but it's hard, because I was trying to not get my hopes up about it. I made myself stop thinking about it. And I wish I had allowed myself to be hopeful about it. So I'm going to do the same thing with my dates, I hated that my first date with Mr. Perfect was one that I had dreaded so much. I had so many pre-conceived notions and I was not looking forward to it at all, I had zero expectations, and obviously there was more I could have been hopeful about than I realized. As much as we had our differences, we had a very nice relationship that lasted over a year - my second longest. And whenever I told the story of our first date, I always started with how much I wasn't looking forward to that date. Isn't that terrible? Maybe if I had been a bit more hopeful, it wouldn't have changed the outcome of our relationship, but I'd feel a bit better about putting a year of my life into something I really wanted!
So, I'm looking forward to next big moment. The first date with the guy who makes me feel like I'm the luckiest. I know it's going to happen, whether it be sooner or later, I'm done with the negativity. Today is the official start of my newest dating season, and I am hoping for the best!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Now you're finding out I'm a little bit crazy...
So, when I thought about writing this blog entry, I just couldn't find the right way to write it. Here's the skinny: I am strangely drawn to a guy who I don't know. No, scratch that, not even don't know... NEVER MET. EVER. This is the total of the communication we've had: He winked at me (on match), I winked back... didn't hear anything from him for about a few days, so I emailed. He emailed me back, and I followed that up with another email. Then nothing... I may have done something crazy though... Like "research" his name, profession, facebook page... Ok, so I know a bit about this guy, definitely more than I should considering I've never met him. Yeah, I'm THAT girl. How did I get here? So, when I didn't hear back from him, I sort of freaked out, assuming that he knew I searched all his information... and I did the unthinkable. I emailed him, and apologized for it. Actually admitted to stalking his info. What in the world possessed me to do that, I'll never know. But all I know is that I can't take it back, and I can't get this guy off my mind. It's absolutely crazy because I don't know him. At least with other guys I was fixated on before (Like T), I had at least met them, dated them, and THEN reacted this way. I'm not really sure why I feel so strongly, it could be because this guy is the TOTAL opposite of Mr. P., at least on screen. Super social (as opposed to Mr. P's not at all social), someone who enjoys humor, and a human connection. All this opposed to Mr. P's predilection to be miserable for the rest of his life, and no need for any interpersonal connection. I'm sure I've idealized this guy over the top and made him in my mind to be what I want him to be, but no matter how much I tell myself to get over it, and move on, I keep going back to his profile, his pictures, wondering what it is about this stranger that I can't shake. Clearly, the feeling is not mutual here, and I am desperately trying to get myself past this. In doing so, I've scheduled some dates for the coming weeks... I'm dreading them... And it's awful, because I can't seem to muster up the strength to find interest in any of the guys I'm emailing right now. I've been talking to this really nice guy, and we're going out on Saturday, and I wish I could get excited about it. I should be excited. He's cute, funny, interesting, and he WANTS to go out with me. Which is more than I can say for the guy I'm webstalking. I'm not sure what posting this will accomplish, or why I feel the need to confess my indiscretions to the whole wide world... There's something cathartic about getting it out there, I think I hoped that emailing him, admitting what I had done, would be the same, and it proved to be unsucessful. So onto the next try, and whatever it takes. Maybe Saturday's date will prove to be exactly what I need. Maybe getting back into reality when it comes to dating, will remind me that people in person are much better than people on paper (or online). I'm ready to admit that I've made some huge mistakes on this long journey I've been on. I went back today and read all the entries of the dates I've been on/relationships I've had since I've been out of Brooklyn... and from the very beginning with CK to Mr. Perfect, I never had what I want. I couldn't believe some of the things I went through and put up with. Some of the things I wrote shocked myself, and made me laugh. I'm glad I have this journey written out, I can go back and learn from the mistakes I recorded. The good dates and the bad, the truth and the lies... I can remember how I felt at each entry... all the pain, amusement, anger, sadness, happiness, and love. I'm done with lying about what I want... I'm hoping that my next relationship will be my last, and with that being said, I'm not willing to settle for anything less than wonderful. No more making excuses about why someone does or does not meet my expectations. I shouldn't have to change what I want, because it's what I think I can get. So, I guess I'm writing this down, so that when I look back on this, in a week, or a month, or a year, I can laugh about how foolish I was, to feel such things for a stranger, to realize you can't idealize people you've never met, to take things one day at a time, and to maybe cut back *a bit* on my webstalking. Just because I know HOW to find the information (and believe me, it's pretty impressive how much I was able to find out), doesn't mean I should. There's just one more person now who has reason to believe that I am a little bit crazy....
Some exciting news for my loyal readers: The Israeli is planning to come back for a visit this September... and stay with me for 3 weeks or so! YIKES. Stay tuned, there will be more to come. Promise! And here we go again...
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** An update ** (10/09) I saw this guy in person - for real - at a bar in Philly. I don't know if he knew who I was, but I knew who he was, for sure. I mention this to my friend who is with me, and she reminds me that she too was on match this summer, and I may have coerced her into winking at this guy... in the hopes that someone meeting him would help me get over him. Not a whole lot of luck there. It continued throughout the summer (you remember the second email), and my best friend DID meet him, as she was in her cousin's wedding - which he happened to photograph, she did her best to try to convince me that he's definitely not as great as I conjured him up to be in my mind. Back to the bar incident. I was at the bar ordering drinks, and I turned to ask my friends what they wanted, and there he was, not 3 feet away from me. I freaked out a bit, and proceeded to drink way more than is acceptable on a school night. My friends who I was with thought the same, just average. Do I believe there is something greater there? I don't know, I know that as soon as I saw him, I knew 100% it was him. I was nervous, and then very drunk, and I tried to avoid looking at him, which didn't help when we were sat at the table right next to them. And, that's all, it's really nothing I need to fixate on, but I find everytime I start dating someone new (the bad kisser was right after this first happened, but now the ex-wife guy), I compare them to what I think he is. I guess I wish I could just meet him, and figure out what's in my head and what's real. Time will tell, but other than being absolutely crazy, nothing new has occurred. And to think this was just a summer crush... and now it's fall, I'm going to get over this. One way or another!
Some exciting news for my loyal readers: The Israeli is planning to come back for a visit this September... and stay with me for 3 weeks or so! YIKES. Stay tuned, there will be more to come. Promise! And here we go again...
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** An update ** (10/09) I saw this guy in person - for real - at a bar in Philly. I don't know if he knew who I was, but I knew who he was, for sure. I mention this to my friend who is with me, and she reminds me that she too was on match this summer, and I may have coerced her into winking at this guy... in the hopes that someone meeting him would help me get over him. Not a whole lot of luck there. It continued throughout the summer (you remember the second email), and my best friend DID meet him, as she was in her cousin's wedding - which he happened to photograph, she did her best to try to convince me that he's definitely not as great as I conjured him up to be in my mind. Back to the bar incident. I was at the bar ordering drinks, and I turned to ask my friends what they wanted, and there he was, not 3 feet away from me. I freaked out a bit, and proceeded to drink way more than is acceptable on a school night. My friends who I was with thought the same, just average. Do I believe there is something greater there? I don't know, I know that as soon as I saw him, I knew 100% it was him. I was nervous, and then very drunk, and I tried to avoid looking at him, which didn't help when we were sat at the table right next to them. And, that's all, it's really nothing I need to fixate on, but I find everytime I start dating someone new (the bad kisser was right after this first happened, but now the ex-wife guy), I compare them to what I think he is. I guess I wish I could just meet him, and figure out what's in my head and what's real. Time will tell, but other than being absolutely crazy, nothing new has occurred. And to think this was just a summer crush... and now it's fall, I'm going to get over this. One way or another!
Back again!
Well, loyal readers (all 2 of you??), I'm back to the blog again. Those of you who know me, know the end of me and Mr. Perfect was not quite as perfect as the rest of the relationship. Actually, since we've been broken up for about 4 months now, I'm fairly certain I should've ended the relationship months before. However, we do things in our own time, and my time with Mr. P came to an end the day after my best friend's wedding. He was MISERABLE at the wedding, really really painfully miserable. And I couldn't stand it. I was done with dancing around his moods and his insecurities, and the next day, we ended it. He thinks this was his idea, but really if I hadn't given him the ultimatum, I'm sure we'd still be in some strangely unhappy co-existence. It came as a shock to most my friends and family, but the further I get from the relationship, the happier I really am. I had been hesitant about going back to the blog, because it caused some concerns when Mr. P and I got into a serious relationship. But right now, I need a venue to clear my thoughts, to open my mind up to what is out there again. I've been on Match.com for a few months now (2? 3? I can't remember anymore!), and I've only been on one date thus far. This is FINE with me, I'm not really ready to be back in the tumultuous world of dating just for dating sake, and the one date I did go one was AWFUL. Truly a horrific experience, definitely blog-worthy, but that is for another day. I'm back to the blog for one specific reason, I'm scarily infatuated with a guy I've never met. And I'm hoping if I put it out there in the internet-universe, it will allow me to stop being crazy! I'm going to create another post that is specific to the situation, after this. I just feel like this is something I need to do, and had I had this venue of expression a few weeks ago, I may not have done the stupid things I've done...
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Long Time, No Post
It's been a while since I've even thought about writing anything about my relationship with Mr. Perfect. 7 months ago today was Valentine's Day. I didn't have a boyfriend then, and I remember I went to the gym that night. It was empty with the exception of those who were working and had to be there, and those of us who were single. I was single, and enjoying dating, and had a bunch of dates lined up for that weekend. I was happy with the status quo. I didn't think much about not having a boyfriend at the time, and my students were deeply interested in the relationship with my supervisor which was looking less and less appealing to me with every interaction. That is where I was 7 months ago today. 7 months ago tomorrow... I had the lowest expectations for that night's date of all the dates I had lined up. He seemed too needy, overly interested, like he just wanted a girlfriend. I sent my friend a text right before the date that said something along the lines of "want to hang out later? Have a date @ 6, but don't think it will last too long!"
Over the past 7 months, I've thought a lot about my initial misconceptions about my boyfriend. Do I think at the time he was interested in having a girlfriend? Yes, he wanted a connection with someone, and didn't enjoy the whole dating scene nearly as much as I had over the past 3 years. He had been single for 3 years, just about the same as me. And try as he might, he couldn't find what he was looking for in a girlfriend. He knew he wanted that connection, but couldn't understand why it wasn't happening. He was tired of dating, and ready for something to work out. I on the other hand, was avoiding that connection. I had found it in some, and sought out guys who were looking for less than a committed relationship before this one. Dating emotionally handicapped men, guys just out of relationships whose exes I knew, foreigners, guys with girlfriends, you name it, I was dating unavailable men. I thought I was looking for a relationship, but I was looking for excuses to have them not work out. There were times I was upset but it wasn't so much about the relationship and I was always excited to get back into the dating scene as soon as possible. So, maybe I judged Mr. Perfect too harshly in my initial opinions of his behavior. He was just someone who knew what he wanted, and wasn't afraid to put it out there. He wasn't playing a game, he never made me wonder if he was interested from the start. From day one he has always returned every phone call, text message, email as necessary. I've never been left wondering if he's all of the sudden not interested. He's exactly what every girl claims they want when they whine and moan about dating and the games men play. My boyfriend is a very literal person, and takes things at face value. He listens to people when they talk, and he believes people when they say, "I want a guy who doesn't play games...blah, blah, blah" I thought I meant that and wanted that all along, but I don't think I did while I was dating in the city. I criticized him for doing exactly what I said I wanted, and in the end, I'm the lucky one.
7 months ago tomorrow, at 11 pm, my 5 hour first date with Mr. Perfect ended. There have been wonderful times, and we've had some trouble over the past 7 months. Our relationship is in no way, shape or form, perfect. Like all healthy relationships, we fight. We argue, and make up. There are times we irritate each other, times I don't want to see him or talk to him, but that never lasts for very long. He supports me, and loves me, and I can't believe I was ever so foolish to think that he was anything other than perfect, 100%, for me.
Over the past 7 months, I've thought a lot about my initial misconceptions about my boyfriend. Do I think at the time he was interested in having a girlfriend? Yes, he wanted a connection with someone, and didn't enjoy the whole dating scene nearly as much as I had over the past 3 years. He had been single for 3 years, just about the same as me. And try as he might, he couldn't find what he was looking for in a girlfriend. He knew he wanted that connection, but couldn't understand why it wasn't happening. He was tired of dating, and ready for something to work out. I on the other hand, was avoiding that connection. I had found it in some, and sought out guys who were looking for less than a committed relationship before this one. Dating emotionally handicapped men, guys just out of relationships whose exes I knew, foreigners, guys with girlfriends, you name it, I was dating unavailable men. I thought I was looking for a relationship, but I was looking for excuses to have them not work out. There were times I was upset but it wasn't so much about the relationship and I was always excited to get back into the dating scene as soon as possible. So, maybe I judged Mr. Perfect too harshly in my initial opinions of his behavior. He was just someone who knew what he wanted, and wasn't afraid to put it out there. He wasn't playing a game, he never made me wonder if he was interested from the start. From day one he has always returned every phone call, text message, email as necessary. I've never been left wondering if he's all of the sudden not interested. He's exactly what every girl claims they want when they whine and moan about dating and the games men play. My boyfriend is a very literal person, and takes things at face value. He listens to people when they talk, and he believes people when they say, "I want a guy who doesn't play games...blah, blah, blah" I thought I meant that and wanted that all along, but I don't think I did while I was dating in the city. I criticized him for doing exactly what I said I wanted, and in the end, I'm the lucky one.
7 months ago tomorrow, at 11 pm, my 5 hour first date with Mr. Perfect ended. There have been wonderful times, and we've had some trouble over the past 7 months. Our relationship is in no way, shape or form, perfect. Like all healthy relationships, we fight. We argue, and make up. There are times we irritate each other, times I don't want to see him or talk to him, but that never lasts for very long. He supports me, and loves me, and I can't believe I was ever so foolish to think that he was anything other than perfect, 100%, for me.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Crazy
I'm adjusting to having a boyfriend all the time now. Like one who comes to family events like this, one who my mom feels comfortable enough to ask to come clean the garage this weekend... But yet, after years and years of dating and disappointments, I feel like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting for him to just not return a text message, or disappear completely. This is unfair to him that I take out my neurosis on him.... yet, I can't seem to help it. Tonight, he was sweet and wonderful with my family, and kind of shy and quiet too. Which is fine, we've only been dating for 3 months, I'd be worried if he were overly comfortable too. But part of me felt like he was closed off to me tonight, and I started to get upset, which of course led to a weird conversation in the parking lot... I'm glad he came out. He usually plays this game on Tuesdays, and he gave up his group to be with me and my family tonight. Of course, if he hadn't I would've faulted him that I'm sure... Rational me knows I have the best thing I could ever ask for, but there's a part of me that is crazy. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him, and other times I feel like I can do better. Which, I can't. Regardless, I do think it's high time I got over these things that have been weighing on me, and I just start enjoying the wonderful and caring person I have to be with. If only it were as easy to do as it is to say.
Monday, April 28, 2008
The Little Things
So, I know I said I was taking a break... but I posted this elsewhere over the weekend, and as it is relevant to my relationship, I'll post it here for those of you who still check. I guess that's how it will go for now, if I post something about my relationship with Mr. Perfect in another place, and it's relevant to here... I'll post it. I don't know how often that will be, and it may be edited for content - but it's something.
How much do the little things in life matter?
I was out tonight with Mr. Perfect and some friends, and it was a good time. He seemed to be really enjoying himself and didn't have any trouble making conversation with either of my friends. He has been with out with them twice before, so maybe the third time is the charm? I could tell he was having a really good time, but I was really tired. I wasn't as into the conversations as the rest of them were and really I just wanted to go home and go to sleep. We've spent every day this week together since Tuesday, and I slept at his place every night except Thursday. Tomorrow will be the first day in 5 that I won't see him. There has been a lot going on and I'm really glad that he's been a part of it, but tomorrow is my best friend's bridal shower, so there is a lot to be done. We were driving home from the the outing, and a song I really like but don't hear that often came on the radio. I was singing along to it, not loudly, but audibly. Out of nowhere, Mr. Perfect changes the radio station in the middle of the song. I was slightly hurt, but thought maybe he didn't realize that I liked it. I said to him, hey I really liked that song. And his response? "Yeah, I could tell." but kept it on the other station. I was stinging at that point from that response, so when he reached over to hold my hand, I didn't offer it. He could tell I was upset, but didn't turn the radio station back until the song he wanted to listen to was over. I'm not trying to pick a fight with him over the fact that he changed the radio station, in his own car, but it made me start wondering if this could be a small indication on how he will be on other matters. He deliberately changed something that I was enjoying for something that he could enjoy more, with no thought for me at all. Yes, it's small, and if I really wanted to listen to the song, I could go download it in my own time... but that's not really the point. The point is how this could translate into larger matters... like, tv shows, movie choices, possible dinner selections? :) I'm trying to be light hearted, because after the fact, I realize it's pretty trivial.
He text messaged me not long after he got home, and said he was worried I was mad about the radio thing which means he noticed. And I just called him and talked to him about it, and all is worked out.... but it's still the littlest things that make all the difference. It's hard being in a relationship with someone, it's hard to get used to new nuances and quirks, the way someone else's habits clash with your own. It's something I'm learning, after a long time of just doing my own thing, and realizing that as I'm 5 years older than I was in my last long term serious relationship, it's a lot harder to adapt to someone else.
How much do the little things in life matter?
I was out tonight with Mr. Perfect and some friends, and it was a good time. He seemed to be really enjoying himself and didn't have any trouble making conversation with either of my friends. He has been with out with them twice before, so maybe the third time is the charm? I could tell he was having a really good time, but I was really tired. I wasn't as into the conversations as the rest of them were and really I just wanted to go home and go to sleep. We've spent every day this week together since Tuesday, and I slept at his place every night except Thursday. Tomorrow will be the first day in 5 that I won't see him. There has been a lot going on and I'm really glad that he's been a part of it, but tomorrow is my best friend's bridal shower, so there is a lot to be done. We were driving home from the the outing, and a song I really like but don't hear that often came on the radio. I was singing along to it, not loudly, but audibly. Out of nowhere, Mr. Perfect changes the radio station in the middle of the song. I was slightly hurt, but thought maybe he didn't realize that I liked it. I said to him, hey I really liked that song. And his response? "Yeah, I could tell." but kept it on the other station. I was stinging at that point from that response, so when he reached over to hold my hand, I didn't offer it. He could tell I was upset, but didn't turn the radio station back until the song he wanted to listen to was over. I'm not trying to pick a fight with him over the fact that he changed the radio station, in his own car, but it made me start wondering if this could be a small indication on how he will be on other matters. He deliberately changed something that I was enjoying for something that he could enjoy more, with no thought for me at all. Yes, it's small, and if I really wanted to listen to the song, I could go download it in my own time... but that's not really the point. The point is how this could translate into larger matters... like, tv shows, movie choices, possible dinner selections? :) I'm trying to be light hearted, because after the fact, I realize it's pretty trivial.
He text messaged me not long after he got home, and said he was worried I was mad about the radio thing which means he noticed. And I just called him and talked to him about it, and all is worked out.... but it's still the littlest things that make all the difference. It's hard being in a relationship with someone, it's hard to get used to new nuances and quirks, the way someone else's habits clash with your own. It's something I'm learning, after a long time of just doing my own thing, and realizing that as I'm 5 years older than I was in my last long term serious relationship, it's a lot harder to adapt to someone else.
Monday, April 21, 2008
A Break
So most of you have probably noticed the lack of blogging. There has been much going on with Mr Perfect, but oddly enough, I can't find the words that can best express emotion or feeling. For now I'm calling it quits here. I know in the past this has been the kiss of death in terms of relationships. As soon as I say I'm going to stop blogging, the relationship goes horribly wrong and then here I am, back in full swing only a few weeks later. So we'll see. There have been some rough patches with Mr. P, and I very well could be back here before I know it.
But for now good readers, I bid you adieu, and good reading. Sorry for the lack of information, there's lots going on but not much to say....
But for now good readers, I bid you adieu, and good reading. Sorry for the lack of information, there's lots going on but not much to say....
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Tables Turned
After I thought about whether or not I was ready to call it quits with Mr. Perfect, I decided that I was no where near that place, and I didn't want one weekend of bad moods to ruin what we had. So of course, I started getting really paranoid that my bad moods had trickled into his mind, and he was in fact, going to break up with me over dinner on Wednesday. I was out with friends before hand, and since my tires are still not back to normal yet, my friend drove me from school and was going to drive me back to my car before my date with Mr. P. We ran out of time, and rush hour is a bitch, so she drove me straight to the restaurant, and I was late anyway. She asked me if it was going to be a problem for Mr. P to drive me back to my car. I didn't really think it would be, but in my head, I had concocted an entire break up scene already, so I told her I didn't know. She assured me that should he break up with me, she would come back and drive me to my car. I love my friends, they are great. However, I did not need her assistance this time.
When I walked in, Mr. P gave me a weird look and just said, "teacher clothes?" I had forgotten that he had never really scene me in work clothes, so of course I got all self conscious, and apologized immediately for not changing... Then I realized that I don't need to apologize for wearing my work clothes. Just because he can wear jeans to work doesn't mean I can, and doesn't mean that I can't look nice every once in a while! So, I kind of retracted my apology with a statement that was probably meaner than it should have been. When I mentioned that my car was still at school and asked if could drive me back after dinner, his initial reaction was to ask me how far away my school was. I realize that he was just being practical, but seriously, does it matter if it was 10 minutes away or 20? If he wasn't going to drive me back no matter the distance I probably would have been done, unless he had a really good reason. Dinner was ok a little weird but only because I was making it weird. I didn't feel comfortable because I kept thinking he might break up with me, or he was bored or something. He drove me back to my car, and I felt things were better then. He checked on my tires and then I followed him back to his place. I definitely spent the majority of the night being super sweet and trying very very hard not to give him any reason to not want to be with me. This is new for me because I'm usually of the mentality that I shouldn't have to go out of my way for someone just because they may not have liked something I've said/done. Usually I'm pretty secure in my actions, but I realized that I had been acting crazy last weekend and was really scared of what could have come of that. I was going to go home since I didn't have any stuff with me but I spent the night, unplanned, because I fell asleep there. We're starting to get into a very comfortable routine with each other.
I think it's hard to adjust to being in a real relationship after being single for over 3 years. I know I was in a few relationships that lasted a couple of months, but they never really seemed serious. This one feels like something different. I don't know what, but I think I'm past my itchy stage and back into a likable place. He definitely has some nuances and quirks that are going to take me time to adjust to, but he's got way too many good qualities to give up for some itchiness. I think I annoy him just as much sometimes because I definitely have some qualities that can be undesirable. He puts up with mine with little to no irritation, so I really should cut him some slack on his.
When I walked in, Mr. P gave me a weird look and just said, "teacher clothes?" I had forgotten that he had never really scene me in work clothes, so of course I got all self conscious, and apologized immediately for not changing... Then I realized that I don't need to apologize for wearing my work clothes. Just because he can wear jeans to work doesn't mean I can, and doesn't mean that I can't look nice every once in a while! So, I kind of retracted my apology with a statement that was probably meaner than it should have been. When I mentioned that my car was still at school and asked if could drive me back after dinner, his initial reaction was to ask me how far away my school was. I realize that he was just being practical, but seriously, does it matter if it was 10 minutes away or 20? If he wasn't going to drive me back no matter the distance I probably would have been done, unless he had a really good reason. Dinner was ok a little weird but only because I was making it weird. I didn't feel comfortable because I kept thinking he might break up with me, or he was bored or something. He drove me back to my car, and I felt things were better then. He checked on my tires and then I followed him back to his place. I definitely spent the majority of the night being super sweet and trying very very hard not to give him any reason to not want to be with me. This is new for me because I'm usually of the mentality that I shouldn't have to go out of my way for someone just because they may not have liked something I've said/done. Usually I'm pretty secure in my actions, but I realized that I had been acting crazy last weekend and was really scared of what could have come of that. I was going to go home since I didn't have any stuff with me but I spent the night, unplanned, because I fell asleep there. We're starting to get into a very comfortable routine with each other.
I think it's hard to adjust to being in a real relationship after being single for over 3 years. I know I was in a few relationships that lasted a couple of months, but they never really seemed serious. This one feels like something different. I don't know what, but I think I'm past my itchy stage and back into a likable place. He definitely has some nuances and quirks that are going to take me time to adjust to, but he's got way too many good qualities to give up for some itchiness. I think I annoy him just as much sometimes because I definitely have some qualities that can be undesirable. He puts up with mine with little to no irritation, so I really should cut him some slack on his.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
7 week itch
It's the 7th week of dating Mr. Perfect, and I'm starting to get a little itchy. Ok, that sounds like I've contracted something that I should see my doctor for... but really, itchy is the best word I can think of. I'm not antsy in the relationship, but just starting to feel like I need to be more independent and spend less time with Mr. Perfect. In the past few weeks we've spent entire weekends together, with very little interaction with other people. I've gotten behind on work, and gym time, and socializing outside of this relationship. I know that I'm just as guilty of wanting to spend as much time together as he is, but I've had this problem once before.
I once dated a guy at length who had virtually no friends, and did not have a group of people that he spent time with. In return, all social time was spent with my friends, but I was left feeling extremely guilty anytime that I wanted to go out on a Friday or Saturday night without him. Mr. Perfect has a select few friends, one of whom I've met, but not a group that he really socializes with independently. It's not a problem yet, but I feel like it's something that may eventually come up.
Also, lately I've been on the slightly crazy side of the spectrum. Blame it on whatever you want, but I've been ridiculously emotional lately. Today I found out the wheels I bought for my new car don't fit, and I'm going to have to buy a whole new set of wheels. I have no idea about anything to do with tires and wheels, and I was really hoping that Mr. Perfect would volunteer to come help me figure it all out. He didn't, and worse yet, didn't call me when he knew I was upset/frustrated about the situation. I would have really appreciated him calling me, just to see if I was ok, and when I eventually called him, he was less sympathetic than I would have liked. This made me even more upset than I already was, and I don't think he handles the emotional side of me very well. This also makes me itchy and start to wonder if maybe 7 weeks is long enough.
We're maybe going to have dinner tomorrow, and I think the emotional tidal wave I'm riding may come crashing down all over him. Unfortunately for him, I don't think he has a clue what's coming.
I once dated a guy at length who had virtually no friends, and did not have a group of people that he spent time with. In return, all social time was spent with my friends, but I was left feeling extremely guilty anytime that I wanted to go out on a Friday or Saturday night without him. Mr. Perfect has a select few friends, one of whom I've met, but not a group that he really socializes with independently. It's not a problem yet, but I feel like it's something that may eventually come up.
Also, lately I've been on the slightly crazy side of the spectrum. Blame it on whatever you want, but I've been ridiculously emotional lately. Today I found out the wheels I bought for my new car don't fit, and I'm going to have to buy a whole new set of wheels. I have no idea about anything to do with tires and wheels, and I was really hoping that Mr. Perfect would volunteer to come help me figure it all out. He didn't, and worse yet, didn't call me when he knew I was upset/frustrated about the situation. I would have really appreciated him calling me, just to see if I was ok, and when I eventually called him, he was less sympathetic than I would have liked. This made me even more upset than I already was, and I don't think he handles the emotional side of me very well. This also makes me itchy and start to wonder if maybe 7 weeks is long enough.
We're maybe going to have dinner tomorrow, and I think the emotional tidal wave I'm riding may come crashing down all over him. Unfortunately for him, I don't think he has a clue what's coming.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
48 Hours and then some
Starting on Friday night, Mr. Perfect and I spent an entire weekend together. No breaks, no space, and very little interaction with other people either. We had a wonderful weekend from the time he picked me up on Friday at 5 until he left my house late Sunday afternoon (around 5:30). As if that weren't enough, we also went out Monday night, not 24 hours later, and still I did not feel like I was getting tired of him or running out of things to say. I met his family this weekend, and he spent some time with mine as well. There's not much to say in terms of exciting or interesting or amusing things that are happening, but it's an overall feeling of wonder and amazement at how content I am.
I was talking to a friend today who had talked to another friend of ours who had met Mr. Perfect last weekend. My first instinct was to grill her on everything that the friend said about him, to gauge whether or not she thought he was a good match for me, or if she totally disliked him. My friend didn't have much information about the topic, and I quickly realized that it doesn't really matter to me whether my friend liked him or not, because I like him. I think this is what has always been lacking in my relationships. I've always been so borderline like/hate with the guys I've dated, I've constantly sought the approval of friends and family to tell me if I was right in actually dating the person. With Mr. Perfect, I feel secure in what I know about him to know that he is in fact good for me, at least for right now. I don't need the approval of anyone, and while I would like my friends and family to like the person I am dating, I don't need anyone to tell me he's great, because I know he is.
There's a huge lifestyle change that comes with being in a relationship when you've been virtually single for the past 3 years or so... It probably deserves it's own blog entry, but I am realizing how much time I once had for all the little things in life that right now I'm finding hard to cram in just the essentials. Spending full weekends together is wonderful, and I'm glad that I have found someone that it comes so easily with, however the necessities in life, laundry, lesson plans, catching up with friends, are all harder to find time for. I need to start managing my time away from Mr. Perfect better so I can enjoy the time we do spend without worry.
I was talking to a friend today who had talked to another friend of ours who had met Mr. Perfect last weekend. My first instinct was to grill her on everything that the friend said about him, to gauge whether or not she thought he was a good match for me, or if she totally disliked him. My friend didn't have much information about the topic, and I quickly realized that it doesn't really matter to me whether my friend liked him or not, because I like him. I think this is what has always been lacking in my relationships. I've always been so borderline like/hate with the guys I've dated, I've constantly sought the approval of friends and family to tell me if I was right in actually dating the person. With Mr. Perfect, I feel secure in what I know about him to know that he is in fact good for me, at least for right now. I don't need the approval of anyone, and while I would like my friends and family to like the person I am dating, I don't need anyone to tell me he's great, because I know he is.
There's a huge lifestyle change that comes with being in a relationship when you've been virtually single for the past 3 years or so... It probably deserves it's own blog entry, but I am realizing how much time I once had for all the little things in life that right now I'm finding hard to cram in just the essentials. Spending full weekends together is wonderful, and I'm glad that I have found someone that it comes so easily with, however the necessities in life, laundry, lesson plans, catching up with friends, are all harder to find time for. I need to start managing my time away from Mr. Perfect better so I can enjoy the time we do spend without worry.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Exes and....
Today was one of those days that you always picture in your head. The whole scene of running into an ex and being so much better than you ever were when you were together. That was my day today, except he doesn't know that I'm so much better than I was, that would have required talking to the ex. Yes, the ex I ran into was my boyfriend in high school, so it hardly counts... but he was someone that I had lost touch with and always wondered about. He doesn't have facebook or myspace, and googling his name does me absolutely no good. He was always kind of mysterious to me. I wondered if he was still in the area, and what he was doing with himself and his life. He was the first guy that I ever had any sort of relationship with, the first guy I ever said I love you to, and the first guy anything I did anything intimate with. So, he's left his mark on my life, but seeing him today was the weirdest thing ever.
I have to say that I am very happy with my life right now. I have a boyfriend that treats me better than I ever thought I deserved, I'm happy (enough) with my job and my education status, and even though I'd be happier not living at my parents' house, there's an overall content feeling for my life.
Every Wednesday, my friends and I go to a healthy fast food place after our weekly WW meetings. The owner knows us, the servers know us, we're like celebrities. Or so we like to think. This week we were having our food, and a couple walked in. I turned around briefly and glanced at them. My first thought was, wow, that guy really looks like [high school boyfriend]. I turned back around and said to my friends, I think that's my ex-boyfriend over there. I turned back around and then decided it wasn't him. I wasn't convinced though, so when he went over to the counter to order I could get a better look. Sure enough, it was my ex. With a little bit longer sideburns, shorter hair, and everything else exactly the same. He either had no idea it was me, or did a stellar job ignoring me. I wasn't really going out of my way to talk to him, he was there with a girl, and it was uncertain if they were there on a date or just as friends (they paid separately... that always throws me off!) Once I'm trying to either not notice or really notice someone, I get very self-aware of my behavior and words. I start feeling unnatural and showy, even if I'm not. I figure he MUST have seen me, or he was just really oblivious. We were the only 2 groups of people in the entire place. I thought about going over to say hi to him when the girl he was with went to the bathroom, but he was really not making eye contact at all, so he probably did not want to talk to me. I kind of wish I had, just to say hi, and not be socially weird towards him. It wouldn't have changed anything, it was 10 years ago that we were together, and it's not like there is anything left there attraction-wise.
So, better or not, he's less of a mystery now that I've seen him. A couple of weeks ago, Mr. Perfect met up with me there, and part of me wished that had been the case this week. It's probably better that he didn't, I would have put on a show for sure then. And problems with Mr. Perfect from this weekend have been resolved and rectified... we both overreacted and thought the other was mad. We usually hang out on Wednesday, but due to schedule conflicts, I'm not seeing him until Friday. I'm enjoying missing him this week, and I think it will make our weekend even better.
I have to say that I am very happy with my life right now. I have a boyfriend that treats me better than I ever thought I deserved, I'm happy (enough) with my job and my education status, and even though I'd be happier not living at my parents' house, there's an overall content feeling for my life.
Every Wednesday, my friends and I go to a healthy fast food place after our weekly WW meetings. The owner knows us, the servers know us, we're like celebrities. Or so we like to think. This week we were having our food, and a couple walked in. I turned around briefly and glanced at them. My first thought was, wow, that guy really looks like [high school boyfriend]. I turned back around and said to my friends, I think that's my ex-boyfriend over there. I turned back around and then decided it wasn't him. I wasn't convinced though, so when he went over to the counter to order I could get a better look. Sure enough, it was my ex. With a little bit longer sideburns, shorter hair, and everything else exactly the same. He either had no idea it was me, or did a stellar job ignoring me. I wasn't really going out of my way to talk to him, he was there with a girl, and it was uncertain if they were there on a date or just as friends (they paid separately... that always throws me off!) Once I'm trying to either not notice or really notice someone, I get very self-aware of my behavior and words. I start feeling unnatural and showy, even if I'm not. I figure he MUST have seen me, or he was just really oblivious. We were the only 2 groups of people in the entire place. I thought about going over to say hi to him when the girl he was with went to the bathroom, but he was really not making eye contact at all, so he probably did not want to talk to me. I kind of wish I had, just to say hi, and not be socially weird towards him. It wouldn't have changed anything, it was 10 years ago that we were together, and it's not like there is anything left there attraction-wise.
So, better or not, he's less of a mystery now that I've seen him. A couple of weeks ago, Mr. Perfect met up with me there, and part of me wished that had been the case this week. It's probably better that he didn't, I would have put on a show for sure then. And problems with Mr. Perfect from this weekend have been resolved and rectified... we both overreacted and thought the other was mad. We usually hang out on Wednesday, but due to schedule conflicts, I'm not seeing him until Friday. I'm enjoying missing him this week, and I think it will make our weekend even better.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Friends and Fighting
I don't want to chronicle all the events that transpire between Mr. Perfect and me, but the important ones I think deserve blogging. Last weekend I met his friends (rather I should say friend, singular, and her friends.) and had a fairly awkward time. I blamed it on the tiredness and lack of food. This weekend, I organized a bowling outing for my co-workers and brought Mr. Perfect along with me. This wasn't just a casual outing of friends, this was a full staff outing with about 35 teachers, administrators, secretaries, and even some of the maintenance crew. And I was in charge of it all, from set up to paying. Mr. Perfect came with me early so I could talk to the managers and get all the lanes set up, we had dinner while I anxiously waited for everyone else to show up. Of course the administrators and staff I hardly know were the first to arrive, and I had to introduce Mr. Perfect to all my principals before any of my friends even got there! I was nervous, and I forgot to introduce him to one of the assistant principals, and I kind of was freaking out the entire time.
Once everyone got there and we got set up, I was a bit calmer but still stressed because of the money situation, making sure everyone paid, so I didn't get stuck with a huge bill at the end with no cash to cover it. I kind of left Mr. Perfect to fend for himself for parts of the evening, and for the most part he did well. He talked to all of my friends and their significant others, and didn't seem to be awkward or struggling to have fun at all. Maybe he's not socially awkward after all? Towards the end of the night I noticed him standing by himself not talking to anyone. I waved him to come over where I was talking to one of the guidance counselors, but he shook his head and stayed put. When I went over to see if he was ok, he said he just wanted to some time to decompress and was fine. My friends from school were all planning on going out after the bowling event, and I knew that Mr. Perfect would not have had a good time if we went. I declined partying further with my friends to ensure we had some time to spend together that night. It was the nicest night we've spent together to date, and he may be close to telling me something I'm not exactly ready for. I don't think he is either, which is why I'm glad he didn't say it just yet. He did tell me that I have a big piece of his heart, which is close enough for me right now. I stayed until about 2 the following day. He drove me home, and we made plans for me to come back again that night for dinner. We were in that place where you enjoy spending so much time with someone that you forget that sometimes it can be too much. I ended up spending more time at home than I planned and was a little late to getting down to his place around 7ish. We went to dinner where we kind of had a weird conversation about our expectations to our first date prior to going on it. Of course, my expectations were low and I was pleasantly surprised. He asked me why I had such low expectations for our date, and I couldn't find the right words to explain it was because he made it very clear to me before our date that he wanted a girlfriend... And now, that's me. Hmmm. I didn't want him to think that I thought he was desperate, so I twisted something around and made it seem like I always have low expectations for dates, which is generally true. Anyway, he said he had no expectations for our date, and was happy with how it turned out. Also that after a month he evaluates the relationship to see if it's something that he can see lasting a while. At first I hesitated because I have a friend whose relationship ended this way, but then I remembered what he told me the night before so I wasn't too worried. He went on to tell me how he thinks we're a really good fit, and sees us being together for a while. I agreed.
Since he had already met my school friends, I wanted him to meet some of my best friends. I arranged for us to go have drinks with my best friend and her fiance, and if I plan to take Mr. Perfect to their wedding in a few months, he needs to get to know them. I could tell he wasn't thrilled with the idea of going out for drinks (he's not a big drinker, and he thought it was going to be a loud party scene), and we kind of had our first fight. It wasn't really a fight, but he wasn't being overly interested and I kind of picked something petty and made a big deal over it. I have the tendency to do that. I got over it fairly quickly though, but he seemed to dwell on it. Drinks with my friends turned out to be fine, and he was able to converse at length with my friend's fiance, while my friend and I talked about girl things: weddings, shoes, dresses, Mr. Perfect. I noticed though that Mr. Perfect was definitely being less affectionate with me, and we hardly talked the whole time while we were there with my friends. He wasn't being socially awkward towards them, but he was being awkward with me. When we left, he walked a good 10 feet ahead of me to the door, and I felt kind of put off by that. We didn't talk much in the car, and he was being defensive. When we got back to his place I decided to just let him be. I changed into my pjs and hung out on the couch until he decided to come over to talk to me. He eventually did, and he said that he was just feeling weird because I have so many friends and he doesn't have any groups of people he considers his friends. I understand this, but at the same time, he shouldn't take it out on me because I do. We talked about it, and things were ok. They weren't great, and compared to the night before, it was probably our worst night ever. In the morning, we went to brunch and things were ok, but far from great. I'm worried that this small event took a big toll on the relationship. I'm wondering if he's still mad at me, or upset with the way the weekend went. I know I'm feeling unsettled about it, and I don't know how to bring it up without seeming like I'm harping on it. I will give it a few days to simmer and settle, hopefully by mid-week things will be back to being perfect with Mr. P.
Once everyone got there and we got set up, I was a bit calmer but still stressed because of the money situation, making sure everyone paid, so I didn't get stuck with a huge bill at the end with no cash to cover it. I kind of left Mr. Perfect to fend for himself for parts of the evening, and for the most part he did well. He talked to all of my friends and their significant others, and didn't seem to be awkward or struggling to have fun at all. Maybe he's not socially awkward after all? Towards the end of the night I noticed him standing by himself not talking to anyone. I waved him to come over where I was talking to one of the guidance counselors, but he shook his head and stayed put. When I went over to see if he was ok, he said he just wanted to some time to decompress and was fine. My friends from school were all planning on going out after the bowling event, and I knew that Mr. Perfect would not have had a good time if we went. I declined partying further with my friends to ensure we had some time to spend together that night. It was the nicest night we've spent together to date, and he may be close to telling me something I'm not exactly ready for. I don't think he is either, which is why I'm glad he didn't say it just yet. He did tell me that I have a big piece of his heart, which is close enough for me right now. I stayed until about 2 the following day. He drove me home, and we made plans for me to come back again that night for dinner. We were in that place where you enjoy spending so much time with someone that you forget that sometimes it can be too much. I ended up spending more time at home than I planned and was a little late to getting down to his place around 7ish. We went to dinner where we kind of had a weird conversation about our expectations to our first date prior to going on it. Of course, my expectations were low and I was pleasantly surprised. He asked me why I had such low expectations for our date, and I couldn't find the right words to explain it was because he made it very clear to me before our date that he wanted a girlfriend... And now, that's me. Hmmm. I didn't want him to think that I thought he was desperate, so I twisted something around and made it seem like I always have low expectations for dates, which is generally true. Anyway, he said he had no expectations for our date, and was happy with how it turned out. Also that after a month he evaluates the relationship to see if it's something that he can see lasting a while. At first I hesitated because I have a friend whose relationship ended this way, but then I remembered what he told me the night before so I wasn't too worried. He went on to tell me how he thinks we're a really good fit, and sees us being together for a while. I agreed.
Since he had already met my school friends, I wanted him to meet some of my best friends. I arranged for us to go have drinks with my best friend and her fiance, and if I plan to take Mr. Perfect to their wedding in a few months, he needs to get to know them. I could tell he wasn't thrilled with the idea of going out for drinks (he's not a big drinker, and he thought it was going to be a loud party scene), and we kind of had our first fight. It wasn't really a fight, but he wasn't being overly interested and I kind of picked something petty and made a big deal over it. I have the tendency to do that. I got over it fairly quickly though, but he seemed to dwell on it. Drinks with my friends turned out to be fine, and he was able to converse at length with my friend's fiance, while my friend and I talked about girl things: weddings, shoes, dresses, Mr. Perfect. I noticed though that Mr. Perfect was definitely being less affectionate with me, and we hardly talked the whole time while we were there with my friends. He wasn't being socially awkward towards them, but he was being awkward with me. When we left, he walked a good 10 feet ahead of me to the door, and I felt kind of put off by that. We didn't talk much in the car, and he was being defensive. When we got back to his place I decided to just let him be. I changed into my pjs and hung out on the couch until he decided to come over to talk to me. He eventually did, and he said that he was just feeling weird because I have so many friends and he doesn't have any groups of people he considers his friends. I understand this, but at the same time, he shouldn't take it out on me because I do. We talked about it, and things were ok. They weren't great, and compared to the night before, it was probably our worst night ever. In the morning, we went to brunch and things were ok, but far from great. I'm worried that this small event took a big toll on the relationship. I'm wondering if he's still mad at me, or upset with the way the weekend went. I know I'm feeling unsettled about it, and I don't know how to bring it up without seeming like I'm harping on it. I will give it a few days to simmer and settle, hopefully by mid-week things will be back to being perfect with Mr. P.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Bye Bye Blog.
I have a boyfriend. This hasn't happened to me in over 2 years, where I actually sat down, had the DTR, and it resulted in me having a boyfriend without any side notes or stipulations on the relationship. Well, before the DTR, Mr. Perfect actually referred to me as his girlfriend. Last night we went out with his work friend and some of her friends for her husband's birthday. I was being introduced to these friends, and Mr. P hesitated slightly but clearly called me his girlfriend. The social awkwardness was apparent while we were out, but to be honest, I wasn't being incredibly social myself. I was tired and cranky from being up at an ungodly hour for a Saturday (5am), having eaten only one real meal (@ 7am on Sat.), and having run a 5k at the gym (in under 35 mins - a new record for me, which I'm proud of, but it was exhausting!)... all of this contributed to me being not social and not very fun. I should have taken a nap, and Mr. Perfect and I tried to a few times in the afternoon, but we ended up watching a movie, and well.. not sleeping.
My car needs a new rim in the front passenger side. Besides dating, this blog has recently been a good place to vent about my tire woes on my new car. All those flat tires from the time of CK to now have caught up with me, and I bent the rim on the front passenger side, and I currently am riding on the spare. I can't drive over 50 mph on it, and being the gentleman that he is, Mr. Perfect offered to come pick me up on Saturday so I wouldn't have to drive on my tire. He picked me up around 3, and we had a few hours to hang out before we needed to go to his friend's party. At some point during this time I should have eaten a real meal (not just pretzels and jelly beans), and taken a nap, which would have allowed Mr. P to get everything he needed ready for his gift for his friend's husband. Turns out, we needed to be there a half hour earlier than planned, we spent all of our time doing the things neither of us needed to be doing, and we were running late. Once I mentioned that I hadn't eaten anything more substantial than pretzels and jelly beans in the past 12 hours, Mr. P offered to stop and get food, but that would have made us even more late. The place where the party was supposed to be had a power outage, and the party was moved to his friend's apartment. It was fine once we got over the whole social awkwardness that both of us seemed to be displaying. I ended up talking to one guy for a long time about food (note: I was really hungry at this point), and he used to be a chef, so he had some incredible stories. We talked for probably a good half hour -45 mins, and I could feel Mr. Perfect watching us. I tried to signal to him to join us, but he either didn't notice or didn't care. It was fine and I really don't think he was that concerned. But I did feel bad that I was spending more time talking to another guy, and not spending time with Mr. P, when I was there as his guest. After that, a rousing game of Guitar Hero broke out so all conversations pretty much ceased, but I didn't partake. I skipped the birthday cake and I think I actually started to fall asleep on the couch. I'm sure I made a wonderful first impression on his friend.
When we left, I was so tired that the hunger was beyond me. He insisted on stopping at WaWa to get me something to eat anyway and going in to get it while I rested in the car. I don't remember much after getting back to his place, my main concern was getting into bed.
The DTR happened earlier in the morning today. I don't recall how it was brought up, but he did mention how he didn't know if he should have called me his girlfriend last night. We talked about it, and it's official, I'm no longer dating anyone else. Today we spent the day together, and unlike last time, spending over 24 hours together seemed easy and natural. I wasn't getting frustrated or irritated with him, which is a good sign. We went shopping together, I needed new running shoes and he needed new jeans (again). He took me to brunch at a place I had really been wanting to go to, and then we proceeded to go to DSW, Trader Joe's (he had never been), The Gap, Old Navy, and Marshall's. After all of that, I was rather spent. He came back to my place, and I invited him in, knowing full well that both my parents would be there. He met my dad, as he had already met my mom briefly. He didn't stay long, but it was a significant gesture on my part.
Now, the hard part. When do I tell him about the blog? It feels like a betrayal to not tell him, but I don't want him to read it. I don't know if he'd be able to find it if I told him about it... but people in the past have found it relatively easily, and he's not technologically slow. Maybe it's time to call it quits. I'll try to post entertaining or amusing tidbits that may be interesting to blog weekly, but I can't promise anything.
My car needs a new rim in the front passenger side. Besides dating, this blog has recently been a good place to vent about my tire woes on my new car. All those flat tires from the time of CK to now have caught up with me, and I bent the rim on the front passenger side, and I currently am riding on the spare. I can't drive over 50 mph on it, and being the gentleman that he is, Mr. Perfect offered to come pick me up on Saturday so I wouldn't have to drive on my tire. He picked me up around 3, and we had a few hours to hang out before we needed to go to his friend's party. At some point during this time I should have eaten a real meal (not just pretzels and jelly beans), and taken a nap, which would have allowed Mr. P to get everything he needed ready for his gift for his friend's husband. Turns out, we needed to be there a half hour earlier than planned, we spent all of our time doing the things neither of us needed to be doing, and we were running late. Once I mentioned that I hadn't eaten anything more substantial than pretzels and jelly beans in the past 12 hours, Mr. P offered to stop and get food, but that would have made us even more late. The place where the party was supposed to be had a power outage, and the party was moved to his friend's apartment. It was fine once we got over the whole social awkwardness that both of us seemed to be displaying. I ended up talking to one guy for a long time about food (note: I was really hungry at this point), and he used to be a chef, so he had some incredible stories. We talked for probably a good half hour -45 mins, and I could feel Mr. Perfect watching us. I tried to signal to him to join us, but he either didn't notice or didn't care. It was fine and I really don't think he was that concerned. But I did feel bad that I was spending more time talking to another guy, and not spending time with Mr. P, when I was there as his guest. After that, a rousing game of Guitar Hero broke out so all conversations pretty much ceased, but I didn't partake. I skipped the birthday cake and I think I actually started to fall asleep on the couch. I'm sure I made a wonderful first impression on his friend.
When we left, I was so tired that the hunger was beyond me. He insisted on stopping at WaWa to get me something to eat anyway and going in to get it while I rested in the car. I don't remember much after getting back to his place, my main concern was getting into bed.
The DTR happened earlier in the morning today. I don't recall how it was brought up, but he did mention how he didn't know if he should have called me his girlfriend last night. We talked about it, and it's official, I'm no longer dating anyone else. Today we spent the day together, and unlike last time, spending over 24 hours together seemed easy and natural. I wasn't getting frustrated or irritated with him, which is a good sign. We went shopping together, I needed new running shoes and he needed new jeans (again). He took me to brunch at a place I had really been wanting to go to, and then we proceeded to go to DSW, Trader Joe's (he had never been), The Gap, Old Navy, and Marshall's. After all of that, I was rather spent. He came back to my place, and I invited him in, knowing full well that both my parents would be there. He met my dad, as he had already met my mom briefly. He didn't stay long, but it was a significant gesture on my part.
Now, the hard part. When do I tell him about the blog? It feels like a betrayal to not tell him, but I don't want him to read it. I don't know if he'd be able to find it if I told him about it... but people in the past have found it relatively easily, and he's not technologically slow. Maybe it's time to call it quits. I'll try to post entertaining or amusing tidbits that may be interesting to blog weekly, but I can't promise anything.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Enamored
Mr. Perfect told me the other day that he was enamored with me. I didn't really know what to say to that, but the feeling is quite mutual.
Last night, he met 3 of my work friends. Because I see them everyday, and talk to them more frequently than anyone else, they probably know the most intimate details of my time with Mr. Perfect. I don't mind him meeting them, and he was going to have to meet them next weekend since he's coming to a work outing with me, I figured I'd get it over with in a small setting. All went well with the exception of one of my friends (who we had told wasn't allowed to say anything more than just hi, nice to meet you, very simple/basic conversation because she has the tendency to say things sometimes that maybe shouldn't be. She did fine with the introduction and keeping it simple, until she says "I could say a lot more, but I'm told I'm not allowed to." It wasn't as bad as I thought, because really she could have said a whole lot worse, but I could tell he didn't know what to say to that, and I was clearly embarrassed. I ushered him quickly out and into the restaurant, apologizing on the way...
Dinner was great, we went to the same restaurant we had gone to on our first date. It's become very casual and very comfortable with him. We went to the movies after that, and saw a very bloody No Country for Old Men. It was good, and we both had wanted to see it since it won the Oscar, but I think I spent more of the movie looking away that watching it. My car had (another!!) flat tire (yes, I'm getting new wheels soon.) and he had bought a bike pump at Target that he tried to use to put some air in my tires. That didn't work so he followed me to the gas station, where he proceeded to fix my tire, yet again. We went and got Starbucks following that, and called it a night, relatively early, at 10pm.
I'm meeting his friends on Saturday, for his friend's husband's birthday party. It's going to be a large group of people, and Mr. Perfect has already told me he doesn't like going out in these settings due to his social anxiety (which I have yet to witness) - should be fun.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
The land where the furniture folds to a much smaller size...
Ikea. Mr. Perfect asked me to accompany him this weekend to Ikea to look for some stuff for his apartment. He's just recently moved into his grandmother's house, and she moved into his parents' place. His place looks like...well, it looks like his grandmother lives there. Floral wallpaper, little chintzy decorative things all over the place, baby pictures of Mr. P and his little brother all over the place (actually really cute) completed by the wood paneling on the walls that are not covered with floral wallpapering and family photos. So, really, it's not what you'd picture a 26 year old single guy's place to look like. It has potential though... A lot of potential. His bedroom is almost there, it's painted, he put up chair rail, it looks really nice. But the rest of the place is a hot mess.
Anyway, so we went to Ikea in search of ideas to make his home a better fit for him, and less for his grandma. Shopping for furniture is something I feel that you do with someone after a few months of dating, not really just 2 weeks. However, it was fun and I was able to put my 2 cents in about what I thought would look nice in his house, which sometimes did feel a little awkward. He ended up buying some laundry hampers (on my suggestion) and 2 photo prints and frames for his room, and some elk shaped pasta which we will eat at a later date, I'm sure. Ikea is exhausting, but he figured since we were already in the city, we might as well make a day out of it. We headed over to North Bowl for some bowling, and good food. We took some cute photobooth pictures, which is something I don't do with just anyone. Bowling at North Bowl during the day is a much different scene than at night. Lots of kids and some middle aged men. Interesting combination. After that, we had plans to just head back to jersey, stop at some stores briefly, then back to Mr. Perfect's place for some movies, and a nice night in. Well, some stores turned into 4 hours of shopping. We went to Michael's (I needed a scrapbook), PetSmart (food for my dog), JC Penny and Macy's (looking at more bedframes for his new room), BJ's (bought travel Scrabble), and Target (just for fun - I managed to spend $30 though). I was exhausted and had a throbbing headache at that point. By the time we got back to his place, I was beat. I took some Excedrin and pretty much collapsed on his couch. He cuddled with me and we rented Ratatouille off of On Demand. At this point we had spent over 12 hours together, and things hadn't gotten any more physical than kissing. Of course that changed when we went to bed...
In the morning, he went out and got breakfast sandwiches and coffee, and air for my tires (yes, I still get flat tires on my new car!) I marked papers and did my students' spelling lists while he put together the things he got from Ikea. Putting together furniture from Ikea is something I've mentioned before as being one of the most irritating things to do with another person. Thankfully his were simple and didn't require a lot of work, and no frustration on either of our parts (I was really just observing from the couch anyway). I can tell that he enjoys doing things for me that he thinks I'll like or appreciate. I absolutely do, but at the same time, I do not ask for help easily nor do I often take it when it's offered. I've been so independent for so long that I don't ever ask for help, even from people I know would be more than willing to give it.
After spending so much time with each other (over 24 hours), we were ready for a break. We get along great, but really we've only known each other for 2 weeks. And I have the tendency to get cranky after too much time. He was really sweet and nice though, even when I was being mean and cranky, and trying to pick arguments. That's my sign to go. He drove out of his way so I wouldn't get lost heading back on 295 (I did last time), and we went our separate ways. Of course, we already have plans to go out on Wednesday night for dinner and a movie. Really, even though there's been no DTR, he's my boyfriend. At one point he referred to me as his girlfriend in passing (he was telling me about a conversation he had with a co-worker), but then later made a comment about me not being "his" technically. Neither times were good segues into the DTR, and at this point it seems unnecessary. I'm not dating anyone else (although the lawyer guy did text me this weekend - I didn't respond, and I did talk to the The Chin tonight as well, but we're definitely just friends.) and he's not dating anyone else, he's told me that much.
So, what becomes of a blog about dating when it's just about one person? I've been here before. Had my hopes up, and let down, over and over. This one seems different... but then again, don't they all?
Anyway, so we went to Ikea in search of ideas to make his home a better fit for him, and less for his grandma. Shopping for furniture is something I feel that you do with someone after a few months of dating, not really just 2 weeks. However, it was fun and I was able to put my 2 cents in about what I thought would look nice in his house, which sometimes did feel a little awkward. He ended up buying some laundry hampers (on my suggestion) and 2 photo prints and frames for his room, and some elk shaped pasta which we will eat at a later date, I'm sure. Ikea is exhausting, but he figured since we were already in the city, we might as well make a day out of it. We headed over to North Bowl for some bowling, and good food. We took some cute photobooth pictures, which is something I don't do with just anyone. Bowling at North Bowl during the day is a much different scene than at night. Lots of kids and some middle aged men. Interesting combination. After that, we had plans to just head back to jersey, stop at some stores briefly, then back to Mr. Perfect's place for some movies, and a nice night in. Well, some stores turned into 4 hours of shopping. We went to Michael's (I needed a scrapbook), PetSmart (food for my dog), JC Penny and Macy's (looking at more bedframes for his new room), BJ's (bought travel Scrabble), and Target (just for fun - I managed to spend $30 though). I was exhausted and had a throbbing headache at that point. By the time we got back to his place, I was beat. I took some Excedrin and pretty much collapsed on his couch. He cuddled with me and we rented Ratatouille off of On Demand. At this point we had spent over 12 hours together, and things hadn't gotten any more physical than kissing. Of course that changed when we went to bed...
In the morning, he went out and got breakfast sandwiches and coffee, and air for my tires (yes, I still get flat tires on my new car!) I marked papers and did my students' spelling lists while he put together the things he got from Ikea. Putting together furniture from Ikea is something I've mentioned before as being one of the most irritating things to do with another person. Thankfully his were simple and didn't require a lot of work, and no frustration on either of our parts (I was really just observing from the couch anyway). I can tell that he enjoys doing things for me that he thinks I'll like or appreciate. I absolutely do, but at the same time, I do not ask for help easily nor do I often take it when it's offered. I've been so independent for so long that I don't ever ask for help, even from people I know would be more than willing to give it.
After spending so much time with each other (over 24 hours), we were ready for a break. We get along great, but really we've only known each other for 2 weeks. And I have the tendency to get cranky after too much time. He was really sweet and nice though, even when I was being mean and cranky, and trying to pick arguments. That's my sign to go. He drove out of his way so I wouldn't get lost heading back on 295 (I did last time), and we went our separate ways. Of course, we already have plans to go out on Wednesday night for dinner and a movie. Really, even though there's been no DTR, he's my boyfriend. At one point he referred to me as his girlfriend in passing (he was telling me about a conversation he had with a co-worker), but then later made a comment about me not being "his" technically. Neither times were good segues into the DTR, and at this point it seems unnecessary. I'm not dating anyone else (although the lawyer guy did text me this weekend - I didn't respond, and I did talk to the The Chin tonight as well, but we're definitely just friends.) and he's not dating anyone else, he's told me that much.
So, what becomes of a blog about dating when it's just about one person? I've been here before. Had my hopes up, and let down, over and over. This one seems different... but then again, don't they all?
Friday, February 29, 2008
Caught
Never in my life have I been caught by my parents, or roommates, or anyone doing anything I wouldn't want them to catch me doing. On Wednesday night, I went out to dinner with Mr. Perfect. He came to my house to pick me up, and no one was home at the time so I invited him in to meet my dog, even though my dog is vicious and doesn't like anyone new. He came in and I was showing him around, when I hear my mom come home. Nothing was going on, so it wasn't a big deal... I just wasn't ready for him to meet my parents just yet. He was very cool about it, and it wasn't a big deal... I was just very scared that would scare him off or something. It didn't.
We went to dinner and I learned new things about him that don't match my criteria, although I'm trying to minimize the amount of criteria that I try to hold him up to. The newest one is that he is not adventurous with his food, and is pretty bland when it comes to what he will eat. I think I knew before that he was a picky eater, but I didn't realize how incredibly picky until Wednesday. I was not thrilled... But that's not a deal breaker. After dinner we went to Barnes and Noble, were I perused books and tried to persuade him that he would like to read some of them (I will try my best to make him a reader!) If anyone has any good book suggestions for a guy who is not a reader, please pass them my way. We picked up some magazines (which he will read) and got some coffee and dessert in the coffee shop. We sat and read and chatted minimally, and it was very comfortable and easy. Sometimes I forget that I've only been dating him for 2 weeks, it seems like much longer.
He drove me back to my parents house and we were making out in the car in the driveway. My mom parks her car in the garage and I already knew she came home. My dad's car was in the driveway, so I just assumed that both my parents were home. We had actually moved to the back seat at one point. I had never seen the point of doing anything in a car before when there are perfectly good houses and bedrooms available. In this case, it wasn't available, but he did offer to drive down to his house (20 minutes) then drive me back (20 mins) and then have to drive back home (20 mins). I told him an hour of driving wasn't worth it, and we didn't need to have sex every time we hung out... but clearly I didn't mean that, and we managed in his car. Things were heating up and I definitely was not entirely clothed when suddenly he stops and says that there is a car at my driveway with it's blinker on. I asked if it was a white car, which would be my mom's, because my dad's was definitely in the driveway. He couldn't tell because the windows were all fogged up, but the car was not moving. The car parked at the foot of the driveway, and it was in fact my mom who had gone back to school for some ungodly reason after already coming home. Mr. Perfect managed to get dressed quicker than I had ever seen anyone dress themselves in such a small space. I on the other hand had no chance of getting dressed quick enough without creating a disturbance and drawing more attention to the car. I pulled his coat over myself and crouched down in hopes of not being seen. We sat very very still. My mom walked right past the car and into the house. I freaked out for a bit, not knowing what she saw or if she saw anything at all. She obviously noticed his car... so we had to be somewhere. When she realized we were not in the house, I figured she'd figure out the rest. After about 15 minutes of freaking out, I finally mustered up the strength to go inside and face my parents. I know my parents aren't dumb, but they did a really good job playing it that night. My mom asked me where we went, and genuinely sounded surprised when I told her that we had been in the car when she came home. She said that she had thought I had snuck Mr. Perfect upstairs when my dad wasn't around... which I think would have been pretty weird.
Mr. Perfect commented at one point how the 20 minute drive to his house didn't seem so silly after all. And I think from now on we'll stick to safe places, as it should be.
We went to dinner and I learned new things about him that don't match my criteria, although I'm trying to minimize the amount of criteria that I try to hold him up to. The newest one is that he is not adventurous with his food, and is pretty bland when it comes to what he will eat. I think I knew before that he was a picky eater, but I didn't realize how incredibly picky until Wednesday. I was not thrilled... But that's not a deal breaker. After dinner we went to Barnes and Noble, were I perused books and tried to persuade him that he would like to read some of them (I will try my best to make him a reader!) If anyone has any good book suggestions for a guy who is not a reader, please pass them my way. We picked up some magazines (which he will read) and got some coffee and dessert in the coffee shop. We sat and read and chatted minimally, and it was very comfortable and easy. Sometimes I forget that I've only been dating him for 2 weeks, it seems like much longer.
He drove me back to my parents house and we were making out in the car in the driveway. My mom parks her car in the garage and I already knew she came home. My dad's car was in the driveway, so I just assumed that both my parents were home. We had actually moved to the back seat at one point. I had never seen the point of doing anything in a car before when there are perfectly good houses and bedrooms available. In this case, it wasn't available, but he did offer to drive down to his house (20 minutes) then drive me back (20 mins) and then have to drive back home (20 mins). I told him an hour of driving wasn't worth it, and we didn't need to have sex every time we hung out... but clearly I didn't mean that, and we managed in his car. Things were heating up and I definitely was not entirely clothed when suddenly he stops and says that there is a car at my driveway with it's blinker on. I asked if it was a white car, which would be my mom's, because my dad's was definitely in the driveway. He couldn't tell because the windows were all fogged up, but the car was not moving. The car parked at the foot of the driveway, and it was in fact my mom who had gone back to school for some ungodly reason after already coming home. Mr. Perfect managed to get dressed quicker than I had ever seen anyone dress themselves in such a small space. I on the other hand had no chance of getting dressed quick enough without creating a disturbance and drawing more attention to the car. I pulled his coat over myself and crouched down in hopes of not being seen. We sat very very still. My mom walked right past the car and into the house. I freaked out for a bit, not knowing what she saw or if she saw anything at all. She obviously noticed his car... so we had to be somewhere. When she realized we were not in the house, I figured she'd figure out the rest. After about 15 minutes of freaking out, I finally mustered up the strength to go inside and face my parents. I know my parents aren't dumb, but they did a really good job playing it that night. My mom asked me where we went, and genuinely sounded surprised when I told her that we had been in the car when she came home. She said that she had thought I had snuck Mr. Perfect upstairs when my dad wasn't around... which I think would have been pretty weird.
Mr. Perfect commented at one point how the 20 minute drive to his house didn't seem so silly after all. And I think from now on we'll stick to safe places, as it should be.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Cheating.
I am not cheating on anyone. I just want to put that out there, because my conscious tells me otherwise. I went on a date last night who was not WAG (Updated: he has been renamed "Mr. Perfect" by my brother - irony is everything.) and even though Mr. P and I are not exclusively dating, I felt really really guilty. I had met this guy on Match before I went on my first date with Mr. Perfect, and I thought he seemed ok. I definitely wanted to meet him, but once things picked up with Mr. Perfect I was hoping things with this other guy would just fade and he'd forget about going out. However, that wasn't the case, and I decided after Mr. P told me in passing on Sunday night that he wasn't going to take his Match.com profile down - at least for 6 months, that maybe I should look into other options. We hung out on Sunday night at his place, watched some tv, but mostly didn't watch the tv... it was a really nice night. Nothing noteworthy really to blog about. He still makes me happy, and I'm pretty content with him. So why should I be dating anyone else? Maybe because I'm addicted? Or maybe because I have so many guards up that I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop and can continue my habitual dating patterns.
Back to last night's date. The other guy is in law school at Drexel. He's shorter than me, small in stature, and I didn't feel like we had any real connection. He had mentioned before that he was really shy, but it seemed less like shyness and more like disinterest. However, he kept wanting to prolong the date. We met for drinks at a bar on South Street and 20th. It was a cool bar with a decent beer selection, enough to keep me happy. We ordered a drink, and then this guy suggested we get a table so we can have dinner. We had dinner, and then he wanted to go shoot some pool in the back but there was some kind of tournament going on. I was hoping this would be my out to end this date early, get home, get a good night's sleep... something I've been lacking lately. The other guy had the idea that we should go bowling. I know I like to bowl, but it's definitely not the best first date activity, especially when it's just 2 people. You can't talk to the other person because they are constantly bowling when you're not and vice versa. It's a good date with friends, but 1 on 1, it's a little hard. We went to Lucky Strike which is ridiculously expensive for 2 people to bowl, and I felt bad that he insisted on paying for it. We bowled 2 pretty quick games, which started off with this other guy being a rather atrocious bowler. It was cute because he clearly is not a bowling enthusiast like I am, but he wanted to do something that I wanted to do, and he was trying his best. I gave him some pointers (I'm not the best bowler, but I usually do alright) and he got progressively better throughout the game. He was like my bowling prodigy. After the game we hung out on the couch and were talking for a bit. I pointed out the Flyers game that was on and tied in the third quarter. I knew that he's a huge Flyers fan, and that he probably would rather be watching the game than making small talk with me. I suggested we move over to one of the other couches where we could better watch the game. He was very pleased with this, and all of the sudden he was all over me. It was such a strange transition, I didn't really know how to interpret it. One minute we were barely touching, the next he had his arm around me, rubbing my shoulder as he explained what was going on in the game to me. Clearly all it took was some hockey to break the ice. He explained the whole end of the game to me, overtime and the shoot out, and the Flyers won in the end. It was an exciting game, he told me I was a "good luck charm." He did kiss me as we were hanging out on the couch, and I did kiss him back. He asked me to hang out later this week, but I'm already seeing Mr. Perfect tomorrow, and the rest of my week is booked. I don't know if I will make the effort to see him again, but I'm pretty sure he will. He already texted me today, not 24 hours later. I don't feel guilty about it... at this point it's no different than last year with the acupuncturist and the Israeli.
When Mr. Perfect decides that he wants to date me and only me, then hopefully I will be ready to do the same. For now, I'm going to take it as it come, and stop taking this 2 week thing I have going on with Mr. P so seriously.
Back to last night's date. The other guy is in law school at Drexel. He's shorter than me, small in stature, and I didn't feel like we had any real connection. He had mentioned before that he was really shy, but it seemed less like shyness and more like disinterest. However, he kept wanting to prolong the date. We met for drinks at a bar on South Street and 20th. It was a cool bar with a decent beer selection, enough to keep me happy. We ordered a drink, and then this guy suggested we get a table so we can have dinner. We had dinner, and then he wanted to go shoot some pool in the back but there was some kind of tournament going on. I was hoping this would be my out to end this date early, get home, get a good night's sleep... something I've been lacking lately. The other guy had the idea that we should go bowling. I know I like to bowl, but it's definitely not the best first date activity, especially when it's just 2 people. You can't talk to the other person because they are constantly bowling when you're not and vice versa. It's a good date with friends, but 1 on 1, it's a little hard. We went to Lucky Strike which is ridiculously expensive for 2 people to bowl, and I felt bad that he insisted on paying for it. We bowled 2 pretty quick games, which started off with this other guy being a rather atrocious bowler. It was cute because he clearly is not a bowling enthusiast like I am, but he wanted to do something that I wanted to do, and he was trying his best. I gave him some pointers (I'm not the best bowler, but I usually do alright) and he got progressively better throughout the game. He was like my bowling prodigy. After the game we hung out on the couch and were talking for a bit. I pointed out the Flyers game that was on and tied in the third quarter. I knew that he's a huge Flyers fan, and that he probably would rather be watching the game than making small talk with me. I suggested we move over to one of the other couches where we could better watch the game. He was very pleased with this, and all of the sudden he was all over me. It was such a strange transition, I didn't really know how to interpret it. One minute we were barely touching, the next he had his arm around me, rubbing my shoulder as he explained what was going on in the game to me. Clearly all it took was some hockey to break the ice. He explained the whole end of the game to me, overtime and the shoot out, and the Flyers won in the end. It was an exciting game, he told me I was a "good luck charm." He did kiss me as we were hanging out on the couch, and I did kiss him back. He asked me to hang out later this week, but I'm already seeing Mr. Perfect tomorrow, and the rest of my week is booked. I don't know if I will make the effort to see him again, but I'm pretty sure he will. He already texted me today, not 24 hours later. I don't feel guilty about it... at this point it's no different than last year with the acupuncturist and the Israeli.
When Mr. Perfect decides that he wants to date me and only me, then hopefully I will be ready to do the same. For now, I'm going to take it as it come, and stop taking this 2 week thing I have going on with Mr. P so seriously.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Snow Day
I used to imagine having a snow day, when I could spend the day with someone, just cuddling and watching movies and getting takeout... and other indoor activities that are appropriate when it snows. I've never had that. Either I've never been dating someone during snow days, or the other person wasn't off of work, or it was too hard to get to the other person's place.
Yesterday was the first snow day of the year. I was ecstatic to be off of school because it was so unexpected. I texted WAG in the morning when I found out I was off to see if his school was closed as well. We had plans to hang out last night, and I figured if we were both off, we could push that up a few hours. He was off too, and we agreed we'd hang out earlier. Because I once got into a bad accident in the snow, I have a fear of driving on bad roads. I know my new car doesn't handle great in the rain, and I didn't want to risk it in the snow. I told him that I was nervous about driving down there because of the roads, and to get to his house there are some back, windy roads that I was sure would not be clear. He offered to come pick me up, since he drives an SUV, and isn't afraid of driving in the snow. This was perfect for me, and he picked me up around 2 in the afternoon. We went to the movie store and picked out 3 movies, one neither of us had seen, one I hadn't seen but he had, and one he hadn't seen but I had. It was a good compromise. We stopped at Wawa for snacks and drinks, and then back to his place. The rest of the day consisted of watching the movies, ordering take-out, cuddling, making out, and one thing leading to another. One thing I can say is that we are extremely compatible in bed, and this is very important to me. There was a lot I didn't write about CK, but we were NOT compatible sexually, and it really was a downer on the relationship. For first times, WAG beats out the Israeli who was the front runner before him. I'm pretty pleased with that. If he wants a girlfriend and can keep this up, I'm willing to play that part.
Needless to say, I spent the night, and in the morning he attempted to make breakfast. After not being able to find a frying pan, and a botched attempt at scrambled eggs in the microwave, I had half a pop-tart, and he had some sausage. After breakfast, we laid around some more, and just enjoyed each other's company for the remainder of the morning. After quite some time, I finally got around to having him drive me home, and it was a long, slow goodbye. After spending nearly 24 hours with a person, I usually am ready for a break. If my sister wasn't coming into town this weekend, I probably could have spent my entire weekend there. That might have been overkill, and we're definitely rushing things. It just feels right at the moment. Yes, there are a lot of ways that he doesn't match what I thought I'm looking for, but everyday that seems to matter less and less.
We had a lot of long talks this week, as usually happens when two people only spend time with each other. I know a lot about his past relationships, and his past experience. He's already told me that he doesn't date more than one girl at a time, so that makes me feel guilty about my date for Monday. I scheduled it before I even met WAG a week ago (it was one of the Sunday dates that was postponed), and while I don't anticipate liking this guy more than this one, I'm not closing off my options just yet.
P.S. I don't like the blog name WAG... it doesn't flow with the writing, if anyone can come up with something better, please by all means, post suggestions!
Yesterday was the first snow day of the year. I was ecstatic to be off of school because it was so unexpected. I texted WAG in the morning when I found out I was off to see if his school was closed as well. We had plans to hang out last night, and I figured if we were both off, we could push that up a few hours. He was off too, and we agreed we'd hang out earlier. Because I once got into a bad accident in the snow, I have a fear of driving on bad roads. I know my new car doesn't handle great in the rain, and I didn't want to risk it in the snow. I told him that I was nervous about driving down there because of the roads, and to get to his house there are some back, windy roads that I was sure would not be clear. He offered to come pick me up, since he drives an SUV, and isn't afraid of driving in the snow. This was perfect for me, and he picked me up around 2 in the afternoon. We went to the movie store and picked out 3 movies, one neither of us had seen, one I hadn't seen but he had, and one he hadn't seen but I had. It was a good compromise. We stopped at Wawa for snacks and drinks, and then back to his place. The rest of the day consisted of watching the movies, ordering take-out, cuddling, making out, and one thing leading to another. One thing I can say is that we are extremely compatible in bed, and this is very important to me. There was a lot I didn't write about CK, but we were NOT compatible sexually, and it really was a downer on the relationship. For first times, WAG beats out the Israeli who was the front runner before him. I'm pretty pleased with that. If he wants a girlfriend and can keep this up, I'm willing to play that part.
Needless to say, I spent the night, and in the morning he attempted to make breakfast. After not being able to find a frying pan, and a botched attempt at scrambled eggs in the microwave, I had half a pop-tart, and he had some sausage. After breakfast, we laid around some more, and just enjoyed each other's company for the remainder of the morning. After quite some time, I finally got around to having him drive me home, and it was a long, slow goodbye. After spending nearly 24 hours with a person, I usually am ready for a break. If my sister wasn't coming into town this weekend, I probably could have spent my entire weekend there. That might have been overkill, and we're definitely rushing things. It just feels right at the moment. Yes, there are a lot of ways that he doesn't match what I thought I'm looking for, but everyday that seems to matter less and less.
We had a lot of long talks this week, as usually happens when two people only spend time with each other. I know a lot about his past relationships, and his past experience. He's already told me that he doesn't date more than one girl at a time, so that makes me feel guilty about my date for Monday. I scheduled it before I even met WAG a week ago (it was one of the Sunday dates that was postponed), and while I don't anticipate liking this guy more than this one, I'm not closing off my options just yet.
P.S. I don't like the blog name WAG... it doesn't flow with the writing, if anyone can come up with something better, please by all means, post suggestions!
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