Topeka!

For those of you who didn't see Google's (the company!) April Fool's switch, they changed their company logo for the day to "Topeka" and ran a whole story about how they were changing their name to Topeka, since the city in Kansas (coincidence??) offered to change their name to Google. It was cute, and I used it in my class as an April Fool's joke that their Doodle4Google contest entries had all been disqualified because they didn't say "Topeka."

So, this is a blog about Google, not the company, and not the city in Kansas, and unfortunately, it's not a joke.

When you live in a city of millions of people, you don't ever expect to run into anyone that you know unexpectedly. When I lived in Brooklyn, I always thought I would run into someone I had dated, on the subway, on the street, wherever. I lived a block away from my ex-boyfriend for months and not once did I run into him unexpectedly. NOT ONCE. I would pass his house daily on my walk home, and I never once saw him without it being my choice.

So I move to a smaller city (actually, I'm outside the city, but that's neither here nor there), and I expect the same rules to apply. I won't run into anyone unexpectedly, because the odds of that happening are stacked pretty high. And before last night, I had never run into anyone that I've dated before, with the exception of that one time I ran into my HS ex while I was dating Mr. Perfect. I always envision these things going a certain way in my mind. And it always has me being cool and calm and confident. Of course, because I am these things, when I haven't been drinking for 5 hours at 5 different bars...

Last night was the Philadelphia Bunny Hop bar crawl, this includes about 12 different bars in the Fairmount area. My co-worker mentioned it, and my first thought was, Oh well that's where Google lives, I probably shouldn't go. But then I thought about all the times I have been out and haven't run into anyone and there were a TON of people going to this thing (even Steve Ward from Tough Love was there!) So, I went. And my friends and I had an incredible time, although it solidified why I hate meeting people in bars. At one bar, some guy grabbed my ass and told me I was too innocent. Uch. Seriously, skeevy. And who does that work on?? I'll stick to emails for now, thank you very much. But we drank and drank, and wandered up and down Fairmount to 4 different bars. By the end of the night our crowd had dwindled to just 3 of us, and one was very drunk. We opted to go to a smaller, less crowded bar off of the main stretch of Fairmount, because we'd be able to sit and get our friend some food! So we head over to Lucky 7's. I knew ahead of time that Google occasionally went to this bar, but he also frequented about half of the bars on the list (we were between that one and the Belgian, and for some reason I thought he'd be more likely to be at the Belgian.. it's closer to his house), and by this point it was after midnight. I didn't expect if he was out at any given point during the night, he'd still be.

We get to the bar, and like I expected, it was much less crowded, and as we're walking past the windows to the door, I see him. I saw him before we even walked into the bar. My one friend had convinced me earlier that if I did see Google over the course of the night, it was for some reason. Unfortunately, it wasn't to show him how cool and calm and confident I've become since we've broken up. At this point, we either had to go to this bar (it was so far from all the others, we were not going to be able to walk back to the other smaller bars) or go home. We went into the bar. Now, over the course of the night I had adopted my friend's bunny ears. A lot of people were wearing ears, so this wasn't a big deal, but the ones I was wearing lit up and were green and sparkly. They drew A LOT of attention all night. Every bar we went to, they got comments along the lines of "Those are the best and biggest pair I've seen all night" with a wink and smiles and double entendre glances towards my breasts. (Another reason why I hate meeting people at bars.) So, I knew walking into the bar, we'd be noticed. And we were, but maybe not right away by Google. This is not a situation I should be in while I am drunk. I can manage friendly conversations while I am not wasted, but I had never been in this situation so I didn't know what to do. I was trying hard not to be noticed, but at the same time, I wanted him to know that I was there. Catch-22. At some point, someone in his group noticed me and it turned into a very high-school-ish situation. I knew they were talking about me, and I'm sure he knew I had seen him and was trying very hard not to make look like I had not. A guy who had been standing with Google's group of friends (I knew about half of the people he was there with - neighbors, new year's, etc.) but this guy I didn't recognize and hadn't met him before. He was waiting for the bathroom and started talking to me and my friends in the meantime. He made no indication that he knew who I was, so that was good. Another friend of Google's comes over not long after that, and goes to open the bathroom door, but there was someone in there. I told him that there was someone in there, and the guy gave me a weird look. It was unnerving because I didn't really remember meeting this guy, but he looked familiar. I knew he was with Google's group of friends, so I figured I had just seen pictures of him. I gave him a weird look back and he said, yes, you know me. You're E____, my friend's ex-girlfriend. I knew that he knew who I was, but I still wasn't giving him any confirmation that I knew who he was. So he goes on, you know, you dated Google, we met at his house. At this point I give some sort of acknowledgment, and confirm that I remembered him now, from the night of the Super Bowl. He goes on to say that he'd give me a hug, but that would be weird since I'm his friend's ex and all. That's weird. Why would he hug me? I met him all of one time for about 20 minutes while we watched the end of a tv show, on the last night that Google and I were actually dating (the last good date before all the snow came and changed things!). I didn't know how to respond to that, so it was a good thing that the bathroom opened up at that point and he went in. When he came out, I watched as he went over and talked to Google, very obviously about me. I was considering at this point if I should just go over and talk to him. This was silly, we both knew the other one was there, and we're both adults. There's no reason why we can't have a civil conversation. Except, when I looked back to gauge if it was a good time to go over and say hi, Google was at the table MAKING OUT WITH A GIRL. It was like being slapped in the face. Seriously, a guy who could not show affection towards me in front of his friends EVER was making out with someone at a bar. It stung, and I turned away very quickly before any of them could see me cry. I did cry with my back turned but I'm sure some of them noticed. I was drunk, and my emotions were running a bit rampant. Tears were my instinctual response. I wish I could have been bold and walked out, or even crazy and threw my drink on him, or something other than just deeply hurt. I don't care who you are, or what you've done to me, if my ex-boyfriend was at the same bar as me, randomly, and I knew that, I would NEVER make out with someone in front of him. I think it's just hurtful, and mean. He knew that would hurt me. I don't think he was thinking about it, he was probably thinking about getting laid, but still, it doesn't change the situation.

I don't know if he's dating the girl, or if it was a friend of one of his friends (she was sitting with their group, but he wasn't talking to her at all until long after I was there - which is much more typical of how Google treats girls he dates, at least towards me.) but he left with her. As he was leaving (I was not looking over there - my friends told me this after he left), he apparently tried to leave out the side door, I guess so he wouldn't have to walk past me. As he's walking out the door, my friends are yelling names at him, which I wouldn't have done, I would have rather just let it be. But he was gone, with a girl, and some of his neighbors and friends were still there. And I could feel them watching me, but at this point, what could I do. I wasn't going to have a big reaction. There's nothing to do.

When we left the bar, nearing 2 AM, I immediately deleted his phone number out of my phone. And I need to put Google behind me. I don't even think I could be friends with someone who would do that to a person that claim they care about. He was the one who has repeatedly said we should be friends. But I can't figure out for the life of me at this point how that could ever work.