I'm trying something new, dating on my terms. I'm going to pick the guys I date, not the other way around. I'm going to make my terms in a relationship a priority, and not settle for anything less than what I want. This also inspired the jdate blog contest entry, which I will post, but not until after the contest is over... as per their rules, not mine. Here is the basic gist of what I wrote about:
I have two friends who have met their now (and soon to be) husbands online and who have both given me the same advice, time and time again when it comes to online dating. Date only the men that you pick, and that way you already know you like them. I've been told this now for at least a year. And it's good advice, I know that. But I haven't done anything about it yet.
I know my biggest fear is being rejected. And sure it stings a bit when you send someone an email and they don't write back, but it stings a hell of a lot more when you date the wrong guy for months/year, and realize that he was all wrong. Rejection online is nothing personal, the person you're emailing knows very little about you. When you are out with friends, you meet people and you might get to know them or you might not, you may give them your number and they might never call. (This is not so different than sending an email and getting no response!) If I email 15 guys and only 5 write me back, sure I got rejected 10 times, but I also have 5 potential dates lined up, which if you ask me, is better than waiting around for 5 guys who might be what you want to email you. It's pretty passive the way I've been dating, it's time to take some action!
That's pretty much the gist of what I wrote about for the contest. And more than that, it's my newest dating challenge. Starting tomorrow (eeks!) I'm going to email anywhere from 5-10 guys a week on match (I only have 4 weeks left, unless I want to pay again.) and see what my return rate is. I think this will be an interesting social experiment that I'm willing to take on. I need to move forward, this is the best time to make something happen, on my terms.
Some of my terms:
College educated (preferred), creative, interested in music/biking/photography/cooking or any of my other new found loves. Likes to travel. Not severely depressed (oh wait, people don't put that in their profiles, do they??) Wants kids. Has friends. Likes dogs.
These aren't set in stone, obviously. But it should be fun to see what I can yield. In all of my years of dating online, I've only ever dated guys who emailed/contacted me first, as the Smiths say better than I can, good times for a change.
"Good times for a change
See, the luck I’ve had
Can make a good man
Turn bad
So please please please
Let me get what I want
This time
Lord knows, it would be the first time."
2 comments:
Amen sister! That is exactly how I found my soon-to-be-husband! I was apparently very attracted to the profile photo of him drinking wine from a bottle with dreidels hanging from his ears.
Hm. I'm not sure that's a ringing endorsement. ;)
Anyway, being the chooser always made me feel like it was up to me, which made me way more laid back in dealing with men, which was a very good thing for me. Plus, it's a lot like shopping, which can be blissful! :) Have fun!
Woohoo!!! I think this is a great plan!
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