The Kill Switch

This has been a pretty slow few weeks of dating. It does not help that I've been working like fiend. By the time Thanksgiving comes around, it will be my first day off in 14 days. The constant workload is starting to take it's toll on me a bit, but I like be busy all the time. It's better than having too much free time. When I have too much down time, I do crazy things.

Anyway, this was not the case this week. I know the guy who lives with his ex wanted to see me more this week, but I just didn't really have the time. On Wednesday we went to the movies, which was nice. But it was all that we did. He picked me up, we went to the movies, he dropped back off at my house. No long hours of talking or me not getting enough sleep that I could blame on this week's dates. Nothing really of note from Wednesday night.

Last night, I went to see some of my old students in the high school play in my school district with a friend. The guy asked me earlier in the week to go to this fund raiser with him at a bar near his house, but I didn't think I'd be able to make it because of the play. After the show was over, we were looking for something to do, so we went to the bar where the guy and his friends were. I knew this was a dangerous move for a few reasons. First of all, he had texted me that he was really drunk, so that's already a problem. Secondly, he was there with his roommate/ex-brother-in-law, and a friend that he works with. I think it might be jumping the gun a bit to meet each other's friends (and ex in-laws). But we went, and everyone was introduced. True to his fashion, he asked me if he could kiss me in front of my friend, if I would be ok with that. He needs to just do things, and stop asking or announcing it before hand. If he's so concerned I'm not going to like it, then he shouldn't do it at all. If he had kissed me, I would have went with it, but he didn't, he asked, and I didn't really know what to say to that. So nothing. It was all going well, until I realized how drunk the guy actually was. First, he spilled his beer all over the bar, which isn't a big deal, but I'd probably have flagged him at that point. I'm not his mother, nor his girlfriend, so I have no say in telling him when he needs to stop drinking. So he continued. And I noticed throughout the night, his conversation was getting a bit confrontational. He kept mentioning, that I had all these control issues, and I constantly have my finger on the kill switch, so I can walk away at any time, unscathed. He's not completely incorrect. I don't have a whole lot invested here, and I'm not really thinking long term. But the way he was coming at me about it was something very foreign to me. Usually, we joke around a bit, but this seemed almost malicious.

As the night went on, some people at the bar were dancing, and he mentioned that the girls were dancing together in a lesbian fashion - I made some comment about he how would know, since he's the expert on all things lesbian. And somehow in the conversation I used the word "lesbianic," which I know fully well is not a real word, but he goes on to challenge me on it. And so he tells me to look it up on my phone, so I find a definition for it on Urban Dictionary. This started a crazy argument. He claims that Urban Dictionary is not a credible source, which I agree with, but I was being contrary, and made him prove why. He claims it's not a credible source because it's like Wikipedia, which he claims is not a credible source. Well, that got me started on my librarian tirade about how Wikipedia is as credible as the Encyclopedia Britannica, and if you would accept that as a credible source, than Wikipedia is a credible source as well. This is my area of expertise, I have my Master's in this nonsense. Seriously. And he's arguing with me that Wikipedia is not a credible source, I tried stopping the conversation, multiple times, because he was drunk, and he was yelling, and I was really really uncomfortable. Had we both been sober, and having this conversation in my living room, at a normal tone, I don't think it would have escalated into what happened next. So, after I tried stopping the conversation 3 times, I finally turned to him and said, I really need you to stop because I asked you 3 times and you won't shut up! (or something really obnoxious like that) I knew it was mean, I knew I shouldn't have said it as soon as the words were out of my mouth, but it was too late. And he got very offended, as he should, and went to leave. I could have let him walk away, angry, and who knows what would have been the end result. But, I didn't. I explained to him, that I tried to stop the conversation 3 times, and he wouldn't listen. And he agreed, and we talked it out, and I guess everything turned out ok.

I was really unsettled with how things were left in general. There was no physical contact throughout the entire night besides him occasionally putting his arm around me, or on my back. Which I'm ok with, I don't think HE is ok with, and I think he somehow managed to express his frustrations with me through the argument over Wikipedia. Which probably wasn't about Wikipedia after all. So I have my finger on the Kill Switch, it's probably just a matter of time.