Catching Up.

So, here's my life... September is traditionally a big waste of a month for me, socially. It's really hard to balance getting back into a work schedule, being exhausted all the time, AND dating. Traditionally, it's a slow dating month if I'm single. This month proves to be no exception, but I do have some updates from the end of August to catch up on.

Last Saturday, I returned home from the most beautiful vacation, ever. Hawaii is gorgeous, and I highly recommend it to everyone. Throughout the whole week, PJ and I had been texting and talking, almost every day. I would go back and forth between being really into him and missing him, to being annoyed and irritated with him. Not a good sign. He wanted to come over Saturday night, the night I got home from traveling for 14 hours, no sleep, and just overall exhaustion. Also, the following day was my first USY adviser event, and work started on Tuesday and I hadn't so much as even looked at my classroom before I left for Hawaii... Needless to say, on top of being tired, I felt a little stressed out too! I should have known this was not a good idea. I'm not really being fair to him, it was really sweet that he wanted to come see me the very day I got home, and there was a part of me that missed him, I just probably would have felt better about it if I wasn't feeling so overwhelmed by everything else. So, he came over and it was ok. I was cranky, and not being super affectionate for not having seen him for over a week. I definitely feel like my interest in him decreases every time we hang out, which is weird. I can't figure out how that happened, shouldn't you be more interested in someone the more you hang out? We had dinner at my place and then just hung out on the couch. I had every intention of going to sleep early, and despite the 6 hour jet lag, I hadn't slept in 24 hours so I was exhausted. He decided he was going to stay over... I thought that was too much for me right then, but was too tired to get into a conversation about it. It's one thing if it gets too late and you decided to sleep over because it's so late (like 4am) and you decide to stay, but it was 11:30. So he stayed, cramped my sleeping style (which was exactly what I did not need the night before my crazy week), and stayed until almost noon the next day. I HATE that. I really wanted him to leave earlier, but how do you say that? I had so much to do, wanted to get some laundry started before I went to my event, but nothing got done. So finally he left, and I realized that this is just not working for me. I've had the whole week to process these feelings. I just can't date someone that I just don't feel anything for. I can't exactly place what it is that makes me feel this way, and some of my friends think I should give it a chance, let him continue to take me out, etc. I've done that before... and then it lasted over 2 years of my life. I'm not interested in getting stuck in something that I already know I don't want.

So, he came over last night, despite me telling him that I had been at school until 6, and didn't get home until after 8, and was just exhausted. I knew if he came over he would want to stay, and I did not want that. I need to catch up on my sleep, my housework, laundry, the rest of my life! We went to go see Extract, and then he came back to my place. He asked if I wanted him to stay here, and I just said that I really was so tired, and I don't sleep very well when I'm sharing my bed (which is true!), so it'd be best if he left. He seemed rather disappointed that he was leaving so early (although it was after 1am!), and asked what I was doing every single night this weekend. I just can't seem to find the right way to say that I'm not feeling it anymore. I'm not good at this part. I was hoping that my busy schedule would be a deterrent, I even brought out my calendar that shows that all my weekends are booked from now until well into October. I don't know what else I can do, I guess I'll have to tell him.

I was able to figure out why I like him less now than when I first met him. He doesn't have anything new to say. It's like the conversations we had on our first 3 dates, which were great, are the only conversations he knows how to have. He doesn't ask me anything new about myself, and sometimes talking to him feels like pulling teeth. I wonder how this is the same guy that I once had a 3 hour phone conversation with, and now I can barely manage a 10 minute one. It's disappointing. And I feel like I'm constantly trying to drive the conversation into new topics, but he's not the best conversationalist. He's got a weird social awkwardness about him too. It's not like I don't date socially awkward guys, it seems to be all I date actually. But his isn't the withdrawn, shy social awkwardness that I'm used to. It's the "I'm saying things I think are cool but really make me look stupid/like I'm trying too hard" awkwardness. This is BRAND new to me, and I don't know how to respond when he says things like "I'm picking up what you're putting down," or when I say something that is clearly sarcastic or rhetorical and he responds to it as if it were serious. It makes for very bad communication skills. Not what I'm interested in, at all.

With the craziness of school starting, and my 2 other jobs, I'm really ready to just take a break and enjoy what little free time I have.