200+ Email me for more.

This is my 200th post on the blog! The bicentpost, it should be a good one!

Yesterday was quite an intense day, dating wise. I felt like I went from one date to the next, with little down time in between. I'm sure you can imagine that by the time I got to drinks for the last date, I was a little fried, and definitely exhausted.

The first date of the day (I don't count the end of the google date as the first date because it was ending, not beginning yesterday!) was with the music teacher from PA. We had talked on the phone a few times, and I had mentioned that we had a pretty strong connection - at least musically. We talked about our favorite songs for 2009, and what would be on our own cds if we made a "best of 2009" CD. I had thought about making my own CD, and bringing it to him on the date, as sort of a fun way to introduce some of the music I listen to. It's an interesting way to get to know someone better. But, I never got around to burning a copy of my CD, which I did make (if anyone wants a copy!) He, however, did make me a cd, and interestingly enough, had about 5 of the same artists, and 3 of the same songs even. He volunteers at the radio station I primarily listen to and has seen a lot of the same concerts I have. He was actually the same concert I went to in Upper Darby in November at the Tower. There's definitely a musical connection there, but that doesn't mean there is a good dating connection!

We met up for lunch not far from where Mr. Perfect lived, so I was pretty confident about where I was going and how to get there. Unfortunately, some of the roads down in true South Jersey are confusing, and long story short, I got lost. I showed up about 15 minutes late, but I did call him and let him know, so hopefully he didn't care too much. My first impression of him, which probably is going to be a less than ideal description, is that he looked a lot like Peter Griffin from Family Guy. Yes, I just compared the guy I went out with to a cartoon character. So, he's on the bigger side, not huge, but some extra pounds, which I actually prefer on a guy. That's not the part that made him look like a cartoon character, it was something about his face, and his hair cut, and the combination that gave him a very distinct Peter Griffin look. While I find Family Guy to be an amusing show, I'm not sure it's what I'm looking for in a guy.

We had lunch, he gave me his cd, and I'd say 90% of the conversation was about music. We have a great shared interest in the same type of music, so that is definitely great that we can talk about it. 5% of the conversation I'd say was dedicated to talking about teaching and doing things school-related. This means the last 5% of the conversation was spent talking about things other than school or music. That's not a whole lot, that encompasses our food selection, how weird our waitress was, a little bit of sports talk, some minimal talk about books (he does not read for pleasure, which inevitably lead the conversation back to music...) and that's pretty much about it. It wasn't the best date I've been on, but it definitely wasn't the worst. He invited me to go to a free concert with him on Thursday at noon, but seeing as it's New Year's Eve, and I am not really interested in pursuing this further than friendship, I'm not sure if that sends the wrong message. So, I gave him my copy of my Frightened Rabbit cd, and we left it at my car without a hug or anything, but with the invitation for Thursday up in the air. I definitely should let him know that I'd like to be friends, but nothing more than that.

After 24 hours where I've spent more time on a date than off of one, I was nervous about the 3rd date. I was also exhausted and not thinking clearly at all. Somehow I told him about the blog. He was adamant that he did not want me to blog about him, so I'm not going to blog about it. I am going to email it. If you want to know the story, email me here and you'll get the auto-response about the date. It will be set up to automatically respond to any email with the entire blog, so if you want the story send an email to me (can be an empty email, it's going to auto respond to any email sent to this account!). Use a fake email address, make one up, it does not matter. I don't know why I'm doing this guy any favors actually, he was really a tool about it, and acted like I was doing him some sort of injustice by posting about our date. Like anyone would know who he was, or would care to seek it out enough to find out who he is. But I promised I wouldn't, so if you want the story, and it was a ridiculous date on all accounts, shoot me an email. There will not be a second date for this one!

In May, this blog will be 4 years old, which is amazing to think about everything that's transpired over these past 4 years. Dates, relationships, broken hearts, stalkers (and stalking!), and I'm not done yet! Thanks for reading.

** Update**
Since I've turned off the email automated response - and because I have no plans of going on a date with this guy again - I'm posting the details of the date below. This is exactly what the email response was, so it was written from my perspective when the date actually happened, not how I remember it now. (1/24/10)

So you want to know what happened on this date?

It was crazy. I'm not sure if it was because I was so tired, or
because I had been on 2 other dates within 24 hours, and this one
brought me back very close to where things transpired with the Google
guy. As I was waiting outside this guy's apartment building, I
actually thought about scraping the date, texting the Google guy, and
going over there instead! This tells me that I like the Google guy a
lot, and he's probably going to end up winning this battle. But, I
didn't text him, and I stayed to go on this date. First things, this
was the 3rd Jewish date, all before the New Year, I met my goal and
passed it! But in reality, the other 2 Jews did not live up to any
great expectations! So, we met at his place. I didn't go up or
anything, but he mentioned wanting to meet at his place because he
doesn't have a car in the city, so he couldn't get anywhere further
than his neighborhood. That's fine, but I probably would have been
more comfortable meeting up at bar or something like that. We met
outside his apartment building, and walked over to a bar anyway, so
why would couldn't just meet there, I don't know! We got to the bar,
and they were mid-Quizzo, which is fun for a date! I've had a few good
Quizzo dates, and we're both pretty smart, it would be fun to
challenge ourselves, see what answers we knew, even if we weren't
competing. The table next to us was heavily into it, and they had an
extra answer sheet, which they let us borrow. The format was the
questions were on a sheet of paper and you had to answer the questions
and turn it in to the Quiz master. This was by far the easiest quizzo
round I had ever seen, plus they gave you clues next to each question.
Basically giving away the answers. We got ALL but 2, we didn't get
all the locations for the Summer Olympics, and we missed Jimmy Carter
as the 3rd American Nobel Peace Prize Laureate from 2000 - 2009. All
in all, not bad. We helped out the table next to us with a few
questions, and I thought we'd get back to having a normal
conversation/date once the round was over. The final round was a
round robin where the Quiz master came to every table and they had to
name a team that was in at least 2 BCS bowls in this decade. I had no
interest in helping or trying to help, but the guy I was on the date
with really wanted to be involved in the whole process. He was
constantly trying to get the table's attention and give his opinion.
It would have been cute if it hadn't been our first date and I felt
like a game of Quizzo was trumping any conversation we could be
having. In the end, the table next to us won, and bought us a round
of drinks, which I don't think was why he wanted to help them, he
just wanted to be involved.

So how did the blog come out during this date, I'm sure you are
wondering... After 2 drinks, very little sleep, and my 3 date in 24
hours, my brain doesn't make the best decisions. We were talking
about lying, and I mentioned that I'm a really bad liar. I can't lie
or when I do I feel so guilty about it, I usually confess anyway,
which obviously doesn't really fare so well for me. So, he asked when
that ever came into play in dating, and I mentioned the email that I
sent to the photographer about looking at his pictures and confessing
the whole thing. Which obviously led to a conversation about googling
people before you go out with them (which I believe most people do,
this guy acted like he was horrified at the idea that I may have
googled him before we met - which I did, and I told him that.) So,
this conversation led to how the internet causes problems with
privacy and how people become a little egocentric when it comes to web
2.0 applications... like a blog. I mentioned the blog without
thinking about the fact that he would ask me what I blogged about.
When asked something flat out like that, I can't lie on the spot. I'm
horrible at it. So, I stumbled and stammered a bit, and eventually it
came out that I blog about dating. He asked if he was going to be on
the blog. To which I replied that he didn't have to be if he didn't
want to be. Why would I tell him that? Why couldn't I just lie and
say no?

He strikes me as being very very very high on himself. He's really
smart and we had some good conversations, which definitely felt like a
mental workout at times, not always in a good way. I felt like every
statement I made, he challenged. I was constantly having to defend
things I said or opinions I had, which is fine, I am a good debater,
but I didn't feel like it was a friendly debate. At times I felt like
he was almost attacking me. We finished up our drinks and walked
back to his place. He changed his tune considerably once we got
outside the bar. He's got his arm around me, and he's being funny and
kind. So when he invites me up to his place, I went. There really
was no pretense of why else I would go up there, other than to make
out. Which is exactly what happened. I was way too tired to be there,
and I felt like I probably should have left after the bar. But I
wanted to see this through, because I was so interested in this date
before hand, because at the beginning of the original 8, he was the
one that I really wanted to meet. It was pretty late by the time I
was ready to leave, and he brought up the blog again somehow. I
again, had to be on the defensive about why I blog about dates. He
actually said to me, it's strange because you seem like a really kind
and caring person, I can't believe you would do that to someone. He
may have a point, that blogging about my dates is unfair to the guys,
but I don't give up their identity, I don't post really intimate
details. If for some reason, one were to find it, and ask for
something to be removed, I would. But to be honest, I feel like
blogging is no different than writing it out in an email to all of my
friends of the latest dates I've been on, and sending it to them. He
then goes on and on about how a blog leaves a bigger digital footprint
than an email, and how privacy settings/standards are different. He
went on and on about how terrible it was that I blogged about my
dates, and it really changed how he saw me. Basically he really was
being a prick about it, made me feel like crap right before I left,
and solidified my opinion that I did not want to see him at all, ever
again. But he wanted to kiss me goodbye. I honestly don't think he
saw anything wrong with his comments and how he was being towards me.

Blame it on the A-A-A-Alcohol

I blame it on the alcohol. That and the movie Up in the Air .

Last night was my 2nd date with the Google guy. And as I sit here, the next day, I'm still smiling. Good date? Yes. I might even go so far as to say it was a great date. But, of course, that is not without reservation. So my original issues with the Google guy were a physical attraction concern and there was a concern about whether we had an actual connection through conversation.

We had been in contact ever since our first date, mostly through IM, and occasional texts. As the week progressed, I was more and more interested in seeing him again for our second date. I should thank the weather gods for a blizzard in Kansas that prevented him from going home for Christmas, and allowed us to have this second date. Otherwise, I would have had to wait until possibly after the break, by then too much time may have passed, things could have changed.

Originally, we were going to go see Avatar in IMAX 3D, but we both decided that 3 hours and a lot of special effects wasn't really necessary last night. So we went to see Up in the Air instead. I took the speedline into the city since we were going out in Olde City, and I didn't feel like driving, trying to find parking, etc. It was just easier to take the train. He picked me up from the speedline since it was raining, and walking around in the slushy streets of Philadelphia in the rain is not super appealing before a date. We had a hard time finding parking near the theater so we were circling the streets in Olde City. At one point, I realized that neither of us had said a word in a long time. Before I noticed, it wasn't uncomfortable, or awkward silence at all. Just silence. But as soon as I noticed, I started wondering if he thought it was awkward, or uncomfortable, or if I should think of something to talk about. I could have just embraced the silence, but for a second date, and a first car ride, it seemed a bit premature for comfortable silence. I was glad we were going to a movie, we wouldn't have to talk for 2 hours, and then we'd have something at least to talk about afterwards at dinner! But I didn't have to worry too much about that after all. The movie was good, it was a little intense with the message of "your life is incomplete without someone to share it with" and I think that definitely planted a seed in my head which leads me to the rest of the evening...

After the movie, we drove over to center city, we tried to eat at Monks, but it was PACKED. So we went to another bar/restaurant in the area, which in my opinion, was equally as enjoyable. It wasn't super crowded, we got a table without waiting, and they by far had the best grilled cheese I've had in a long time. We talked pretty smoothly during the meal, there were some moments of awkward silences, but I think that may just be this guy. I get the feeling that he's not a talker, which could be good or bad for me. As most of you know, I talk A LOT. I'm chatty by nature, and when there's silence I try to fill it with anything. This can be bad with someone who has lots of silent moments. But I learned, the more beer he drank, the chattier he became, so we drank. Not a whole lot, but he drank more than I did, and I drank enough to feel buzzed on my way to drunk. Not wasted, but definitely not sober either. We left the bar and moved onto another bar around the corner, for more drinks. At one point we checked the train schedule to see what time my train home would be, but failed to notice the special weekend train schedule. I'm used to train schedules being all out of sorts on the weekend due to my years in Brooklyn and the trains NEVER running right on the weekend, but the difference between NYC and Philly? NYC posts the train changes EVERYWHERE. On the train, at the stations it affects, online. Everywhere. Philly? Not so much. One document online, that if we hadn't been looking closely, would have easily been missed. Due to track work, the trains were not running between midnight and 6 am last night. What time did we find this out? 1:30 am. Awesome. So I was stuck in the city, or taking a cab back to the speedline station. I opted for staying in the city.

Google guy graciously invited me back to his apartment, and was very chivalrous, offering me a place to sleep that was not in his bed, or assuming that just because I missed my train anything was going to happen. At this point, we hadn't kissed or anything, so that thought was pretty incredulous to me. I accepted his offer to sleep on his sofa, and take the train home in the morning. At this point, we were having fun, and the date was progressing very nicely. If it had ended there, it would have been a good date, very fun, but it just got better.

I have a confession to make at this point: I have an apartment crush. I'm not one who cares about material wealth or things... but when you see what money can buy, well sometimes it clouds your mind a bit. This guy's apartment is by far probably one of the nicest city apartments I have EVER been in. And I have seen some really nice apartments in many a city. The location is ideal, right near the art musuem. It's in a historic building, with a very modern design in the place. It's split level, and has enormous windows that bring in the most spectacular views. And he has his own roof deck, overlooking the parkway/museum/center city. Swooooooon. Seriously, I'm enamoured with this guy's apartment. It's beautiful.

Once we are at his place, he takes me on the tour, which is the first time I've fallen in love with a building. We weren't tired despite it being 2 AM, so we watched Sixteen Candles and cuddled on the couch. This was the first romantic contact we had all night. It felt a little strange to cuddle with someone I hadn't even kissed yet, but it was very middle school PG at this point. After the movie, he kissed me. At first I thought I had another bad kisser situation on my hands! What is it with 30 something year old guys not knowing how to kiss properly?? But he was much more adaptable and picked up on my non-verbal cues much better than the Bad Kisser did. It turned out to be a false alarm. Needless to say, I did not sleep on his couch last night. There wasn't actually a whole lot of sleeping going on, but eventually we did fall asleep. I woke him early-ish this morning so I could get back to the train station. I was just going to walk to the speedline, but he insisted on driving me to the station. Getting in the car, I thought he meant to the 16th & Locust station, but he meant driving me to the speedline in NJ where my car was.

He really is a gentleman in every sense of the word. He didn't even want to take my offer of a quarter when we were parking on the street and the meter kiosk wasn't taking his dollar. I can tell that if I continue to date Google guy (which at this point - I can't imagine not continuing), he will be the guy who treats me better than I've ever been treated before in my life. I could probably get used to that.

Today is a busy busy day for dates. Being that I "walk of shamed" it home today in Google guy's car, my date technically didn't end until 9 am. My next date is at 1:30 today with a music teacher from PA for lunch. We have had a few good long phone conversations, and until last night, I was comfortable placing him as the front runner. At 9 pm tonight, I'm having drinks with the jdate guy who disappeared. Remember the original 8? There were 3 Jews, 2 of them have disappointed in their hopes of being anything long term (although there still is a 2nd date with the Phillies writer for Weds, but at this point I'm wondering why bother?). This is the one I was most excited about, tonight's 9 pm drinks date. He disappeared for a while, then resurfaced this past week. We've talked online and on the phone, and we're going out for drinks tonight. It seems like when it rains, it pours. A triple header could be dangerous, I'm praying it doesn't bring something worse than my double headers used to!

'Twas the Night Before Christmas.

In most Christmas Eves past, I've spent the night as most Jews do... Chinese food, maybe a movie, but not this year. This year I decided to go on a date.

If you've been reading this for a while, you might remember the date I went on years ago, that I couldn't even blog about it was so bad... I had my roommate blog about it for me. So tonight's date is up there with that one. I should trust my instincts with people I date. I'm usually dead-on, even before I meet them. Tonight I went out with the guy that I talked with on the phone and his voice didn't match up to what his pictures looked like... well, in person, his pictures didn't really match what he looked like either. Now, to be fair, I think I only saw one or two pictures of him, and they were just of his head. Let me also say that while I think physical attraction is important, I'm not one who puts a lot of stock in looks. I think that looks can be easily trumped by a great personality, unfortunately that will not be the case with this guy. I knew from talking on the phone our connection wasn't going to be that strong. When he suggested going bowling for our date tonight, I thought it was a great idea. It would require less talking, and it's something different to do on Christmas Eve. There was awkwardness abounding at the bowling alley, and even the activity couldn't save this one.

I could blog about the lack of conversation, or how the conversation we had was really forced and hard to hold up, how uncomfortable I was the entire time, and I should really stop going out with guys when I don't feel a connection before hand. But it's Christmas, and who wants to read about that? There was nothing especially awful about the date, and he was perfectly nice. I just have a hard time relating when I can't have a good conversation. 3 long bowling games, some pizza and soda later, I was on my way back home. The date clocked in at just under 3 hours, and there will not be a 2nd date.

So instead of visions of sugar plums and fairies dancing through my head tonight, I'm watching (500) Days of Summer, again. Love it, and for now, this is enough.

Updates: 2nd date with the Google guy will be this weekend, 1st date with a guy I'm looking forward to meeting on Sunday, 2nd date with Phillies writer on Weds. Busy week of dates.

Days We Remember

At lunch yesterday, I had mentioned that the day before had been my ex's 30th birthday, and when I remembered, I wished him a happy birthday in my head, and moved on. I didn't remember until the drive home, and was surprised I didn't think about it sooner. There are some dates that always will be stuck in my head, no matter how long ago they happened. Anniversaries are like that, birthdays, break-up days too. Days that I don't need to remember anymore, but I do, because they've carried so much weight in the past. I'm looking for ways to shed the connections to these dates, and I wonder how long it takes before you forget. I still remember my ex from high school's birthday, but not our "anniversary," I remember my anniversary with the Israeli, but not his birthday (although, I know they are close...), of course I remember all of the important dates with Mr. Perfect, it hasn't been that long... and none have passed without acknowledgment yet. We celebrated each others birthday together this year, and what would have been our 2 year anniversary hasn't passed yet. I must be mentioning Mr. P a lot in conversation these days, and my friend at work asked me if I missed him. I'm sure it's just the holidays, and that I miss the idea of him, and what we had together - when it was good. I was thinking about the stocking his grandma made me for Christmas last year, and how she held onto it, so that she could reuse it again this year.... Maybe someone else will be using it. I wonder if he used the blue and silver decorations we bought last year for the tree, so we could have a Christmas tree decorated in Hanukkah colors. It's a tough season, no matter how you cut it.

I'm at my parents' house today. All snowed in, with my entire family, including my brother-in-law, and brother's girlfriend. Once again, I'm the only single one. The first holiday season since we broke up, the first snow day, it's hard not to think, was it really so bad? Did I let something great get away?

On days like these, and today is especially tough, I try to remember why we are not together. I remember when he would come over my house and just be miserable, no matter how hard I tried. I remember falling asleep next to him, but wishing I were alone. I try to remember how much I wanted to break up with him before I actually had the courage to give him the ultimatum. I remember when he told me in May that he wanted to get back together, and make this work... and I cried because I didn't want that. I need to remember all of this. I need to remember that the holidays will pass, the snow will melt, and I am going to have exactly what I want someday, with someone who I want to be with.

I just hate waiting.

Cold Hearted

Today was going to be a great day. But then again, the best laid plans... Everything started off going as well as planned, a fairly simple day at work, good workout right after, came home, showered... noticed that it was unusually cold in my house. At first I just thought it was upstairs, which tends to be a little colder when the heat has been off all day. But when I got downstairs, I noticed that the thermostat read a chilly 58 degrees in my house. So, I had two options... I could cancel tonight's date, and get my heater fixed (note: I think MOST people would choose this option) or I could leave my freezing house, hope that when I return it will have magically fixed itself, and go on my date as planned. I chose option B.

I was excited about this date. In fact, I had actually rescheduled a date that had been planned for tonight prior to setting this one up (broken heater = karma for broken date??) I thought we had a pretty good connection through email, we had talked on the phone a few times, and I was really looking forward to this date. I was not going to let a cold house get in the way of what could've been a great first date.

We met up at the Mexican Food Factory, which is a good date place. I went there on my marathon length 5th date with the bad kisser, which may be the last time I had been there prior to tonight. I like it for a few reasons - mainly good food, great beer selection, and a very laid back atmosphere.

We had a nice dinner, I don't remember much about the conversation. It wasn't particularly engaging or overly stimulating. It was average. I didn't feel like I had to work very hard for it, but at the same time, I don't know that I laughed a whole lot... or felt challenged in the conversation either. He has a very cool job. He develops software for Google, which impresses me. Some people are impressed by money, fancy things.... I'm impressed by software developers at Google. I am a geek. We talked about our jobs for a while, we talked about food - which he seems to be adventurous with, another plus. Before getting into software development, he mentioned that he wanted to be a photojournalist. I tried to contain my excitement, I KNEW I would like this one! Geeky photographer - on paper, that's exactly what I want! We talked for a while, and once dinner was over, we headed over to Barnes & Noble. We wandered slightly aimlessly around the bookstore for an hour or so, talking about books and such... another plus. I couldn't get a vibe though from him. I don't know if it was the setting or nerves, but it wasn't a really good place to actually get to know someone better, which isn't what I find to usually be the case. I think talking to people about their reading choices, or finding fun books to share can be an excellent way to get to know someone. But I felt like I was just scraping the surface here, not getting anything really deep.

At the end of the night, he walked me to my car, kissed me goodnight (just a quick kiss - nothing remarkable!) and we left it as, we should do this again sometime. I'm pretty sure I'll hear from him, which is good. I'd probably go out with him again. I was a little let down since I had such high hopes for him, but it wasn't a bad date. And he has a lot of good things that I'm looking for, so why write him off so soon?

My dating line-up is still pretty full. I'm possibly seeing the guy who I canceled on tonight, on Sunday. I don't know about him. We talked on the phone two times, and his voice just doesn't match up with what he looks like... I know that's a really strange thing to say, but it's a weird thing to witness. Also, we don't gel well on the phone. He says things that I almost have to restrain myself from saying something mean. He will be known, if need be, as Captain Obvious. There are two other guys I'm talking to of the original 8, and the Phillies writer texted me today to set up a second date. This makes 5 out of the 8 originals that will probably turn into dates. I did end up cutting the one for distance. Lancaster is too far. The good Jew I was looking forward to I never heard from again, and the other match guy disappeared again too. This is the 2nd time he's disappeared, I'm not interested in him that much to care.

In much better news, I did get my heat fixed. It was not miraculously working when I came home, so I called my heating company, and they came out at 11:30 to fix it! So it's warm in my house, even it's still kind of chilly in my heart.

On the first night of Hanukkah...

I went on my first Jewish date of the year. Whew, now that quota is filled, I can move on. Ha. It wasn't THAT bad. It actually was just kind of... blah. I hadn't really been looking forward to it, and I actually broke some of my first date rules. First of all, I was going into it with a really negative attitude. Since I had seen that his pictures on Match were two years old, I was definitely a little nervous about what he might look like now. In person, he didn't look like his pictures, but he didn't NOT look like his pictures. He looked like an older version of what he had posted, with less hair, and maybe a little out of shape. I wasn't completely disappointed, but not overly impressed either.

We met up at the Iron Hill Brewery, I like it there, and it's a pretty good date spot. It might become a regular in my dating rotation. It was PACKED when we got there, and we were told there would be an hour wait at least for a table. This was fine with me, because since I was breaking rules, I wasn't thrilled about having a dinner date as a first date, and it gave us an opportunity to have drinks for an hour or so, and if I needed to cut it short (because of an "emergency" - which I've never done), it would still be possible. We talked for the entire time, had some beers, which definitely lightens the mood and eases the conversation. We talked about being Jewish... and how neither of us had really known it was the first night of Hanukkah until that day. So, he's not religious, which is good, but he's not very interesting either... which is bad. When our table was ready, I wasn't feeling the urge to run for the door, so we had dinner.

He has a really cool job. He writes for the Phillies for a local newspaper, so he gets to go to all their games, travel on the road with them, he's even written a book about them. All of this is very cool to me, and we did spend a lot of time throughout the date talking about that, talking about celebrities, who he's seen or met, where he's gotten to travel for work. You might be thinking, this sounds like a lot about him... yes, he did talk a lot about himself. And I did my fair share of talking about myself. But the funny thing is, I didn't feel like we had many conversations. It was like he talked, then I talked, and then he talked about something similar, or sometimes something completely unrelated. There wasn't a very natural give and take of the conversation. And he repeated some things more than once or twice. I felt like he had a limited span of what he talked about, and he didn't ask me much about myself... I don't know if I asked much about him. It's been a while since I've had to think that much about the conversation while on a date. I felt like I had to prepare a topic in my head, just in case I ran out of things to say, and didn't want that uncomfortable lull in the conversation.

We stayed and talked for a good while. The date itself was about four and a half hours long, and by the end, I felt it. It wasn't that it wasn't going well, but on a Friday night, after a ridiculously long week, I was exhausted and it started to show. I started yawning at the table, which I guess is a clear sign that the date is over. We walked over to our cars, had a quick hug goodbye, and he mentioned that he'd be in touch and we should do this again. I don't know if it will happen, I couldn't tell how interested he seemed. I am not sure how interested I am. What I'm hoping is that it was just first-date nervousness, and that if he does want to go out on a second date, we'll go, and we'll have a much easier time with the conversation. If he asks, I'll go out with him again.

I'm not lacking for dating options though, most of the original 8 are still hanging in there - one of the Jewish ones kind of disappeared - which bums me out, he was the one I was most looking forward to. Maybe he'll resurface. But there's another one, not Jewish - who's taking his place in the count. One I might have to cut for distance, but he seems pretty cool, so I haven't done anything about that yet.

Guy who lives with his ex is hanging in there too, we had dinner on Thursday, and we were supposed to go to a movie... but we never made it because we spent too much time talking at dinner...go figure. He kissed me goodbye at the end of the night, but that's all.... and he mentioned that his mom is coming to visit for 2 weeks around Christmas, so he won't be able to see me during that time. Really? Do I really want to date a guy who I will only see at most once or twice a month?? Probably not. He's on the edge. We might be taking a trip to Ikea on Tuesday together, I don't think that counts as a date though.

8 nights of Hanukkah. 8 potential dates (too bad they can't all align with the nights of Hanukkah!) There will be more to come!

Me + A Date (x 8)

I know it's been quite a while since there have been any really exciting dates to post. But there has been absolutely nothing going on in the dating frontiers... until recently. I have not one, not two, but 8 potential dates coming up in the next month or so. Yes. I said EIGHT. I'm having a hard time keeping track of these guys, and to make matters worse they all these super generic names, so I have to come up with nicknames for them early.

First up, should be this weekend. Phillies writer, Jewish (oh wait, out of the eight potentials... THREE are Jewish), we've been communicating for a while, and our schedules have not been easy to match. It seems like this weekend is the weekend though that it will actually happen. My only reservation are his pictures, on the post prior to this one, I mentioned the guy who used his picture from 2 years ago as his main picture... that's this guy. But I'm giving him a go, especially since he will actually fill my Jewish quota of the year (he'll be the first Jewish guy I've gone out with since CK.) That was my goal. Go out with at least ONE Jewish guy before New Year's. And if this works out on Friday, I'm set. Goal met. If not, I'm going out for Mexican food with friends, and have two more Jews in the wings... so I'm PLANNING on making this happen, however it works out.

In other news, I'm having dinner with the guy who lives with his ex on Thursday. I'm not really sure why at this point. I haven't seen in almost 3 weeks, we haven't actually made out in almost a month... really... So our communication is minimal, barely texting once a day, maybe an IM here or there. I'm going to dinner because we have these movie tickets from a month ago, that we should use, and I'm alright with hanging out with him. I'd like to see if we can re-establish the friendship. If not, then there will be nothing left to do at this point. Life is too busy for both of us, so maybe a friendship isn't in the cards either.

So a busy next few days, dating wise. I'm hopeful for all my eight, generically named dates that are in the works, even if only half of them turn into actual dates. 4 is better than none! And just like that, it's dating season again

Thanks, Facebook.

A little late, but facebook seems to have wised to the ability to stalk someone within your own network, if they have flexible settings, which I'm surprised at how many people actually do (have flexible settings - not stalking, that's no surprise to me!). I tried seeing what my profile looks like to someone who is in my network but not my friend, but there's no way to check that. That's stupid. I can see what my page looks like for any one of my given friends, I should be able to see what my page looks like within the network.

Anyway, this was the problem with that guy I webstalked over the summer. If I hadn't had access to his facebook page, I would have NEVER sent that crazy email. Because I wouldn't have known nearly as much about him as I was able to uncover. Seriously. I've always said no one should have an open facebook page. It makes you think you know someone way better than you actually do. Actually, most online identities are false advertisements for what a person truly is like. I'm sure I'm nothing like what people who read this, and don't know me, think I'm like. I'd be interested to know what people think though, based on this blog alone.

While I think it's a good thing theoretically, I have mixed feelings about Facebook's new privacy settings because this will put a damper on my dating preconceived notions. (Not always a bad thing!) For example, I have this date coming up with this guy (not sure when... it's been in the works since mid November! Damn you, work schedule!) and I could check out his facebook page. Once I did, I was immediately less attracted to him than his match profile alone. I actually held pretty high hopes for this one, and then I was diasppointed by his facebook pictures. This isn't fair, and yes, I know everyone puts their best pictures on Match, but I felt like his pictures on match weren't really a fair representation on what this guy will look like on a day to day basis. Because I could see which pictures on his facebook page were on his Match profile, I could also check the dates they were posted on Facebook. The one he's using as his main picture was from 2007. That's at least 2 years old, and probably not what he looks like AT ALL. His most recent pictures were fairly disappointing, sad to say. But that should not be a reason to false advertise on match, it's not like the other person won't find out eventually anyway! I think I'm pretty good about my pictures, and I keep them very up to date, changing them at least within every season so there are none that are out of date. I recently just took down any that were taken more than 6 months ago, because that's not a fair likeness of me. Except for my one picture from Peru, because it's a good conversation piece, and it's not close enough of me that you can actually make out discernable features that show it was taken 3 years ago! Although, when I dated the bad kisser, we were never friends on facebook, which allowed me to post about the blog all the time. Now that I'm friends with the guy who lives with his ex, his roommates and who knows who else have been able to find this, so maybe privacy isn't such a bad thing after all!

So, I applaud facebook for protecting our privacy. I will actually have to request to see people's pages if I want to stalk them... that defeats the purpose! But it will protect me from doing horrifically stupid things, like webstalking to the extent where I feel the need to confess. I can't believe that was almost 6 months ago. When I think about it, I'm still rather horrified at my own behavior. I was watching the pilot of "How I Met Your Mother" (which I love, by the way), and there was this scene when one of the guys was leaving a date gone awry, and he says, "So when you tell this story to your friends, could you avoid the word “psycho”? I prefer…eccentric." That's something I know I've thought on at least a few occasions, and probably how many people think of me. But now, with the help of Facebook, I have less opportunities to be crazy.

For me.

If you're only interested in reading this blog for humorous stories of dates I've been on (which is ok!), then you might want to skip today's. I didn't write it for you, I wrote it for me.

Yesterday, I raked leaves for hours. And managed to bag 11 enormous lawn and leaf bags, which made my backyard not look like a jungle. This is all very good (despite not how I wanted to spend my first Sunday off in a month). Yet, I do not have a single tree on my property and it was all I could think about as I worked outside. I'm bagging leaves that don't belong to me, it's not MY fault these leaves are in my yard. However, if I don't bag them and get them out of my yard, no one else will do it. This has nothing to do with dating... except it does. It has to do with me doing things for me, and not because it matters if anyone else cares that I do it or not. At the end of the day, I was glad I raked, and glad my backyard doesn't look like a small overgrown jungle anymore, and glad that Dante can get to all his favorite spots without falling knee deep in leaves. So, all of this is good, but if I hadn't done it, no one would know, nor would anyone care.

Somewhere along the way, I seemed to have gotten lost in my life. I can't place where it started or when it happened, but I can't look back on my life and find something that I did for myself that wasn't based solely on what other people thought or would think about my decision. Or at least what I THOUGHT other people would think. To be honest, I don't think most people care. They want me to be happy, and they care about me, but they don't care about the things I do to actually get there. Somehow all this hit me yesterday while raking leaves that are not mine. As I'm raking, I was thinking about all the things I deal with in my life that are not mine, especially in relationships. Baggage that's not mine. Exes that are not mine. Families that are not mine (and not very nice to me). A lot of others' self-doubt and self-worth concerns that are NOT MINE. I realize this makes me sound very selfish, and I'm not. I enjoy sharing my life with others, and helping people with things that are not mine. My job choices show that, my loyalty to my friends and family show that, my ability to make things work in situations most wouldn't even consider shows that... And if it's equal in a relationship or balanced, that's ok. But in my relationship choices, I haven't had that balance and I'm willing to do more that's not mine because I'm concerned about how it will look if I don't. I've been through this before. I'm the girl who moved myself into my apartment in Brooklyn, up 4 flights of stairs, by myself, because I didn't want to ask anyone to help me. Not because I was proud, but because I didn't think anyone would. I've gotten better in most of my life but not in relationships. I've dated guys who I didn't think were good enough for me. Because it was easier than being rejected by someone who I would want to date for me. I care too much about what it looks like rather than what it is.

If I have to be honest with myself, I have never been in love. Nope. Not once. I'm lucky enough to know what being in love looks like, as I have amazing examples of it in my life. I've loved guys that I've been in relationships with, but I know that I was never in love with any of them, at least nothing that felt certain enough, for long enough. This hit me at some point during the summer, when I went to go see (500) Days of Summer in the theater. At the end, Summer says to Tom that she just woke up and was sure (about the new guy) what she was never sure of with him. That hit home, hard. I've never been sure about anything in my relationships. There was a time with Mr. Perfect that I thought I was, but once I realized it wasn't what I was looking for, I stayed in the relationship long past then. I want to sure, I want to know, and "they" say that you know it when you find it... here's to hoping that I'll know.

I want to date someone who is right FOR ME. And until then, I'm not dealing with any more crap that is not mine to deal with.

Thankful

Normally, I wouldn't be posting about being thankful at the end of a relationship (or whatever it is that I've had over the past month). 3 years ago, I wrote this post about being thankful for what I have, and to try to take life more as it comes, and not be so caught up where I think I should be. Flash forward 3 years, and I'm still in the exact same place. It's amazing, but I could have written that blog last night when I got home from Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's in-laws up in Connecticut. It was a great day, surrounded by a lot of love and laughter. When I'm around my family, I don't feel that urgency to find someone, to be a part of a relationship so quickly again. My family are probably the least judgmental people I know, and have tolerated A LOT of losers that I've brought around. I remember when my sister told me that my dad compared the poker player I dated for a while to a white wall... that's how interesting he was. But to my face, my parents would have never said anything about him. They want me to be happy, and if a white wall was making me happy, well then who are they to tell me otherwise. I know all of this, and yet, I am not willing to bring anyone around to meet them. It's seems as though anytime there is someone I think is worth introducing to them, they always disappoint... latest case in point:

I'm pretty sure things are just about done with the guy who lives with his ex. I don't know if he's reading the blog or not, or he's just stopped being interested; but the past few days, he's dropped off the radar, which is very unusual behavior for him. It's rare that I go a few hours without texting him normally, and the past few days, I've sent him texts, only for no response or very limited response from him. Yesterday, I sent him a text in the morning to wish him a happy Thanksgiving, and did not hear back from him all day. So at night, I sent him another text saying that I hoped he had a good day, and good luck in the morning since it's black friday, and he works in retail (=worst day of the year). He texted me back, but just to tell me how great his holiday was, and that's all. He didn't ask how mine was, didn't wish me a happy thanksgiving, nothing. I sent him another text saying that I was glad he had a nice holiday, and how he must be feeling better (he hadn't been feeling well the day before). He responded how he still wasn't feeling well, but not badly enough to prevent him from enjoying the holiday. Again, nothing to indicate that he cared how my holiday was, or any interest in my day at all. So, I decided to not text him today, to see if he'd text me. Nope. I haven't heard from him at all in 24 hours, so to me, that signifies an end to whatever this has become. I'm kind of angry that he thinks it's ok to just stop talking to me, I honestly really enjoyed all of our conversations and time spent together, and if it wasn't going anywhere, then at least we could've been friends. At this point I have no idea what to think of it, and I'm pretty disappointed that he's chosen an absence of communication.

So that's it, that's how it ends with guy who lives with his ex, I guess. I'd be surprised if I never heard from him again, but I'm not sure how I'd even respond at this point. Things I'm thankful for out of this whole thing (because my new dating attitude = positive, not bitter):
1. I'm thankful that I met someone with whom I had a great connection. Yes, the timing sucked, yes, his situation was not ideal, and maybe the relationship was not meant to be, but we had a palpable connection, and that was truly exciting.
2. I'm thankful that I didn't rush things with him. Things never really progressed beyond very basic kissing on the couch. I'm glad it didn't go too far.
3. I'm thankful that I have so much to look forward to in the future. Whoever it is that I'm going to end up with is still out there, and I'm looking forward to that first date!

My mom offered to get me a subscription to Jdate for Hanukkah. I guess it's back out in the world of dating again... I never seem to be gone for too long. I'm really going to try the Jewish thing for a while, who knows it might work out in my favor... never has before, but it's always worth a shot.

The Kill Switch

This has been a pretty slow few weeks of dating. It does not help that I've been working like fiend. By the time Thanksgiving comes around, it will be my first day off in 14 days. The constant workload is starting to take it's toll on me a bit, but I like be busy all the time. It's better than having too much free time. When I have too much down time, I do crazy things.

Anyway, this was not the case this week. I know the guy who lives with his ex wanted to see me more this week, but I just didn't really have the time. On Wednesday we went to the movies, which was nice. But it was all that we did. He picked me up, we went to the movies, he dropped back off at my house. No long hours of talking or me not getting enough sleep that I could blame on this week's dates. Nothing really of note from Wednesday night.

Last night, I went to see some of my old students in the high school play in my school district with a friend. The guy asked me earlier in the week to go to this fund raiser with him at a bar near his house, but I didn't think I'd be able to make it because of the play. After the show was over, we were looking for something to do, so we went to the bar where the guy and his friends were. I knew this was a dangerous move for a few reasons. First of all, he had texted me that he was really drunk, so that's already a problem. Secondly, he was there with his roommate/ex-brother-in-law, and a friend that he works with. I think it might be jumping the gun a bit to meet each other's friends (and ex in-laws). But we went, and everyone was introduced. True to his fashion, he asked me if he could kiss me in front of my friend, if I would be ok with that. He needs to just do things, and stop asking or announcing it before hand. If he's so concerned I'm not going to like it, then he shouldn't do it at all. If he had kissed me, I would have went with it, but he didn't, he asked, and I didn't really know what to say to that. So nothing. It was all going well, until I realized how drunk the guy actually was. First, he spilled his beer all over the bar, which isn't a big deal, but I'd probably have flagged him at that point. I'm not his mother, nor his girlfriend, so I have no say in telling him when he needs to stop drinking. So he continued. And I noticed throughout the night, his conversation was getting a bit confrontational. He kept mentioning, that I had all these control issues, and I constantly have my finger on the kill switch, so I can walk away at any time, unscathed. He's not completely incorrect. I don't have a whole lot invested here, and I'm not really thinking long term. But the way he was coming at me about it was something very foreign to me. Usually, we joke around a bit, but this seemed almost malicious.

As the night went on, some people at the bar were dancing, and he mentioned that the girls were dancing together in a lesbian fashion - I made some comment about he how would know, since he's the expert on all things lesbian. And somehow in the conversation I used the word "lesbianic," which I know fully well is not a real word, but he goes on to challenge me on it. And so he tells me to look it up on my phone, so I find a definition for it on Urban Dictionary. This started a crazy argument. He claims that Urban Dictionary is not a credible source, which I agree with, but I was being contrary, and made him prove why. He claims it's not a credible source because it's like Wikipedia, which he claims is not a credible source. Well, that got me started on my librarian tirade about how Wikipedia is as credible as the Encyclopedia Britannica, and if you would accept that as a credible source, than Wikipedia is a credible source as well. This is my area of expertise, I have my Master's in this nonsense. Seriously. And he's arguing with me that Wikipedia is not a credible source, I tried stopping the conversation, multiple times, because he was drunk, and he was yelling, and I was really really uncomfortable. Had we both been sober, and having this conversation in my living room, at a normal tone, I don't think it would have escalated into what happened next. So, after I tried stopping the conversation 3 times, I finally turned to him and said, I really need you to stop because I asked you 3 times and you won't shut up! (or something really obnoxious like that) I knew it was mean, I knew I shouldn't have said it as soon as the words were out of my mouth, but it was too late. And he got very offended, as he should, and went to leave. I could have let him walk away, angry, and who knows what would have been the end result. But, I didn't. I explained to him, that I tried to stop the conversation 3 times, and he wouldn't listen. And he agreed, and we talked it out, and I guess everything turned out ok.

I was really unsettled with how things were left in general. There was no physical contact throughout the entire night besides him occasionally putting his arm around me, or on my back. Which I'm ok with, I don't think HE is ok with, and I think he somehow managed to express his frustrations with me through the argument over Wikipedia. Which probably wasn't about Wikipedia after all. So I have my finger on the Kill Switch, it's probably just a matter of time.

Someone Who Gets Me

I'm staffing a convention this weekend for the youth group, which is very long and time consuming, and a lot of over stimulation on the Judaism front. Of course, the theme of this year's convention is the Jewish life cycle. And the course I'm staffing (with the help of a much senior advisor, of course), Jewish weddings. Oh lord. If my conscience wasn't already screaming to me that I should be dating someone Jewish, well this didn't help either. And to be honest, I don't want to date/marry someone who is Jewish because I want to be really religious all the sudden. But, the rabbi tonight put it very well, it's easier to be with someone who gets you. And if you're raised in similar situations, with like-minded families, and have like minded goals, the better chance that the person you're with will get you. I get it, totally. And it's something I want. I just haven't made the commitment to finding it yet. Well, to be fair, the guy I had a huge crush on over the summer was Jewish, not practicing, but from a Jewish family - just the way I like 'em. But I hadn't made a commitment to finding that in him, it just happened to be a pleasant surprise. Not that it matters, it didn't work out in my favor, but that was the last and only Jewish guy I can remember even being mildly interested in for quite some time.

The guys I've dated before that were Jewish don't have the greatest track record (well, let's be honest - none of the guys I've dated have a great track record - otherwise - I wouldn't still be looking!), but let's focus on the Jews in particular. Because according to the rabbi tonight, these will be the guys who "get" me. My longest term relationship was with a Jewish guy, he's now SUPER UBER Jewish, and that's horrifying to me. When we dated, he was interested in Judaism culturally, and we celebrated the holidays, but trust me - he ate bacon and he liked it. But now he's Kosher, and probably keeps Shabbat, and seriously, I don't like the idea of subscribing to a religion because it fits your life. It should be because you believe in it. The first guy in Brooklyn I dated for a substantial period of time (the poker player) was Jewish. Definitely not practicing, and we never dated over any of the holidays, so it never even played a part in our relationship. Regardless of our shared background of religious upbringing, we had NOTHING else in common. That kid did NOT get me. And to be honest, I didn't really get him either. So that brings me to the last Jewish guy I dated for any significant period of time, and that's CK. Now, I KNOW our mothers and my grandmother set this up because they both looked at us and thought -- Hmm, they are relatively the same age, and JEWISH. A match made in heaven for them. The fact that he had a bisexual girlfriend living in Canada? Irrelevant. He was Jewish. He must be PERFECT for me. And you know what, in a lot of ways CK and I really worked. If it hadn't been for his girlfriend in Canada and him lying to me about it... well maybe things would've been different, but that's neither here nor there. I do remember one of my favorite dates with him was when we went out for Chinese food on Christmas. Last year's Christmas was obviously spent with Mr. Perfect, and I had my very first Christmas tree, and had Christmas morning with presents, and big family breakfast, but it wasn't MY holiday. I felt like an outsider, and that's not what I want.

I think someone who's not Jewish could get me. definitely. When I was in Hawaii, I wrote out a list of my "Perfect Guy" attributes (and I can't believe I'm going to post that on here, but it's what I think I want at the moment. It changes all the time!)
#1 - SMART (and yes I wrote that in all caps, and underlined it a couple of times)
#2 - Passionate - about something, preferably me....
#3 - Creative - goes along with passionate, but I want someone on the creative side of the spectrum - musically, artistically, emotionally, how ever it works...
#4 - Friendly/Social - Someone who can hold their own in a group, Someone who doesn't have trouble meeting new people (can anyone guess where this one stems from??)
#5 - Positive - can look at a bad situation and make something better out of it. (again - three guesses on who DIDN'T do this...)
#6 -Laughter - Someone who can make me laugh, and partakes in laughter, a lot.
**Bonus points for - Jewish (or just spiritual), successful (not rich, but happy in his chosen life path), grounded, goal oriented, spontaneous, a reader, and someone who can keep me guessing, and smiling, most of the time.

Above all, someone who wants me to be happy.

That right there, is the guy who gets me. Doesn't seem like it would be too hard find.

Outed

So my blog has been read by someone who lives with the guy who lives with his ex (but not his ex). I actually had figured this out yesterday through a conversation that I had with him, and I'm debating whether that means I go back and change what I've written in the past. Right now, I'm opting for not changing it. I'm totally allowed to feel however I want to feel and write about it, if he or anyone he lives with choose to read it, I can't help that. Nor should I feel like I have to apologize for it. This my slight rant because yesterday we were talking over IM, and he brought up the "announcing" thing, which I didn't think I made a huge deal about when we were together, but apparently I did and I hurt his feelings. I felt badly about hurting his feelings, but the depth of what he said and how he made me feel awkward felt like it was coming straight from the blog. Since I don't remember talking that much about it, I assumed he had read the blog and that was where his hurt feelings came from. Apparently I had made a big deal about it, and it hurt his feelings anyway, but regardless, he didn't read the blog, his roommate did.

I think besides the previous entry they were all pretty fair. The last one I was extremely tired and grouchy. Which may lead me to over think things, and over analyze. But it's exactly how I was feeling at the time. Just like the ones before that when I was giddy and happy about it was exactly how I felt at that time... I've been guarded from the beginning, and that's only fair considering his unconventional living situation, but I think I'm giving this guy a fair shake. If I wanted to end this, I've had plenty of outs, but there's something there definitely, and it makes me want to continue. I'm taking this SUPER slow and that's ok with me. I'm in no rush, it's not like I've got to have it all figured out anyway. I'm really not sure about anything in my life at this point, my life is consumed with work, which I hate - but I love all my jobs, and I feel like I'm falling behind in work the more time I spend dating. But if I ever want to reach a point where I'm not dating, then I have to continue it. Catch 22. Damn.

Grouchy.

I feel like I may be getting myself into trouble with this new guy. I can't tell if it's because of the general lack of sleep that has existed in my life since last Thursday, or because I'm fooling myself. I don't know. I do know that I've been extremely grouchy today, and really tired on top of it all. I want to go back to the first date, where it was just the facts, and not so complex.

Last night, he came over to my house under the pretense of watching a movie and ordering some pizza. We did order pizza, but the movie was never watched. Not for any reasons any of you might infer, either. We ended up just talking on the couch for about 5 hours. Just talking I'd say for 95% of the time, 5% kissing. I'm not looking to rush this any farther, and I can really just get caught up in the conversation that I don't want to be distracted by other things. I go back and forth on the physical aspect of this relationship. I like it, but sometimes I question if I enjoy it or not. I think I might really prefer to develop the friendship and see if the physical part comes a little more naturally later. He's still super awkward when it comes to all of that. I actually had to tell him last night that he doesn't need to tell me that he's going to kiss me before he does. Seriously, it's like a play by play announcer in the room.

Announcing aside, there are little things that bother me about this budding relationship. Nothing substantial or anything of note, but I'm wondering if it's my guard going up, or something else entirely. I don't expect to know how I feel about him after less than a month, and I wouldn't feel so badly about it except he seems to be pretty confident in how he feels about me, and doesn't stop telling me. He's still over complimentary. Last night's best one was, "I like your ears." Um, dude, it's GOT to stop. It's getting to the point where it actually makes me a bit uncomfortable.

November has never been a good dating month for me. For some reason this year I'm reminded of my relationship with T and how he dropped off the face of the earth, mid November. Part of me wants to do that. Just drop off the planet for a little while. I feel like I know what I want, ultimately, and a guy who is still living with his ex-wife (lesbian or not), has been divorced just barely over a year, doesn't seem to know what he wants in his life... I hate to say all this, because I DO like him. A lot in fact, it's just that at the end of the day, I'm not dating just to date anymore. I'm dating because I am looking to be with one person. And even though Mr. Perfect and I haven't been broken up for that long, I feel like I've been doing this forever.

So what does all this mean for the guy who lives with his ex. Do we have a connection - undoubtedly so. He makes me laugh, we can talk for hours at a time, and he has no trouble showing me how interested he is in me... so what's my problem?? Maybe it's the physical? I enjoy it when it feels natural and not awkward as hell. I'm still working through this one, but for now I need a good night's rest and some time to process all that I want.

No Sleep.

Yesterday was the new guy's birthday. We had spent a substantial amount of time together the night before, but we decided we'd hang out again after I was done working last night anyway. Regardless of how long I've known a person or how well, I think birthdays are important days, hence why I spent time with Mr. P on his birthday, and I certainly didn't mind 2 nights in a row with this guy. I wanted to do something special but nothing over the top for him. So I bought a bottle of wine, checked out a selection of movies from the library/blockbuster, and cleaned the downstairs of my house (this in itself is a BIG deal!).

He came over around 10, and we had been up so late the night before that it felt really late to me. We had some wine, picked one of the 6 movies I had brought home, and settled in. We cuddled on the couch, and it was really nice. If it was my birthday, I would've been pretty happy with the events. As the night progressed, I was fighting to not fall asleep during the movie, so we stopped watching it and talked, kissed, and other activities... passing time is something which we clearly have no trouble doing. And 10 o'clock turned to 4am... again. I had to work fairly early today. So I was up at 8, after not a lot of sleep the night before, and only 4 hours of sleep last night, I'm feeling kinda clouded today. These late nights are starting to catch up with me, but when I'm in the moment, I don't think much about how it will affect me later!

Some of the conversations we had last night weren't really important. Some were very important. I am more comfortable talking to him about his ex wife, and the whole situation than I was before. One of our conversations revolved around that. I feel like I have a better understanding on why they are still living together, and despite it all, I am really ok with it. I'm not ready to meet her or anything like that, but I can handle the fact that she is a daily part of his life. It's not an ideal situation, but it's not an impossible one either. I'm more concerned about how my family/friends will respond to this, which I know in the grand scheme of things, doesn't really matter. What matters is if I'm happy, and not what they think. I care deeply about the opinions of my friends and family, and would love their approval, but I feel like this might be one situation that is hard for them to wrap their heads around. I'm still taking it one day at a time, and not getting in over my head. I need a few days apart, maybe one good night's sleep, and then I think I'll be able to think clearly about this.

Turning Point

I'm always surprised how quickly these things happen. I mean one minute, I'm content dating multiple guys, seeing where things go with each of them, and the next, I feel like any date would be an indiscretion and somewhat dishonest to the guy I've been dating. It's been 5 dates (one in 2 parts - that's to come) with the guy who lives with his ex. And I've done everything in my power to rationalize every reason why I shouldn't be with him, but I can't do it anymore. I like him, he likes me... so it just makes sense at this point. He's not perfect for me, not by any stretch of the imagination. And I don't know if it has real staying power, but for right now, I'm going to be happy enjoying it in the moment, taking it as it comes, and while I don't have to stop dating other people, I probably will.

Yesterday's date happened in two parts.

Part One

New guy and I had been texting all day the day before until about 7ish. I had a youth group event that night and he was going out to watch the game with some friends, so I knew that texting would be sporadic at best. He had sent me a text before I left asking me where I was, and which made me think that he hadn't gotten some of my previous texts. I sent him a text during my event, lamenting the score of the game and asking how his night was going... but I didn't hear back from him. I start to panic whenever there is a change in communication patterns. It's nonsense, because texting is an unreliable way of communicating, but I do freak out a bit. I got a text from him when I got home later that night, after midnight, accusing me of falling of the planet, but he hopes I had a good time out and he'd talk to me soon. I was confused because I clearly hadn't been the one to fall off the planet, he hadn't returned any of my texts! I sent him an email, and mentioned that we might be having technical difficulties with our texts. In the morning, still no response from him, so I started to panic a little bit. This is how I know I like this guy. If I didn't, I wouldn't care too much about not hearing from him (like when the bad kisser dropped off the planet, I didn't think twice about it). So, I decided that I was going to call him. I don't think I've ever initiated a phone call to him, and we've only talked on the phone a handful of times, and usually just to firm up plans. I was nervous, but it turned out to be no big deal. He hadn't gotten any of my text messages since the night before, around 6 or 7 ish. So he thought I was ignoring his texts and he hadn't checked his email. It all worked out fine, and we decided to go out for lunch, even though we had talked about hanging out at night too.

We went to lunch, and then to coffee, and just spent hours talking as usual. In my mind I was wondering if we were ever going to take this past the talking and a kiss goodbye stage, because that's exactly how it's been going for the past 4 dates. The first half of this date was the same. He drove me back to my house, dropped me off, kissed me goodbye. Again, no great spark at the kissing... and I was disappointed. He had to go out for his friend's birthday and I was meeting up with friends for dinner, but he wanted to hang out after he was done dinner.

Intermission - Dinner & Pedicure = me hashing this out with the girls. The opinion there was to move this past the kiss goodbye stage, but short of him coming into my house or me going to his, I couldn't figure out how to make this happen.

Part Two

He came back to my house to pick me up for the second part of our date. He wanted to come in to my house, but I hadn't cleaned and there was NO way that was happening. And he clearly didn't want to go back to his place with all of his roommates about. So we ended up at a diner. And we stayed there for hours, and talked and talked... it's turning into a pattern. We drink coffee, we talk, we go back to my house, he kisses me goodbye, the end. I was NOT going to allow that to happen. This was do or die. Not to be harsh, but if there wasn't a spark at the end of this date, then that was it! I was done. So, after hours at the diner, he drives me back to my house, and we kiss... but it's different this time. Neither one of us in a rush to leave, or get somewhere. So we lingered, and the kissing was... well... remarkably better in terms of sparks. Butterflies and excitement and all of that. I'm glad I didn't write it off at the first one, or the second... third time's the charm. I feel great when I'm with him, he's constantly telling me how beautiful I am, and really seems wowed to be with me all the time. I'm getting better at accepting compliments like these, and instead of trying to be humble and deny them, I'm trying to get better by just saying "thanks." It's definitely new, considering I can count on maybe 2 hands the number of times Mr. Perfect told me he thought I was pretty. But this guy doesn't hold back, and I like it. We stayed in his car for about 2 hours or so. It wasn't really the most comfortable, and seemed so silly because we were right outside my house, where no one else lives but me, but really it wasn't clean enough. And being in the car definitely prohibits things from going too far too fast. I finally went in my house around 3 am, and I feel bad because he had to work today. It's his birthday today, and he has plans with his ex-wife's family for dinner/cake (I know... at what point does that start sounding ok?) but he's coming over here afterwards. So today I'm cleaning in preparation, I feel excited about this prospect and nervous at the same time.

Last night was definitely a turning point, tonight may be too.

Kissable Moments.

So, it continues with the guy who lives with his ex-wife (needs a new name... can't think of anything clever). I'm torn, yeah, I don't like the situation, and every time I think about it, it makes me generally uncomfortable. And the worst part is I think I make sort of snide/seemingly jealous or bitter comments to him, which just makes me seem a little immature. Although, I'm not sure HOW I should respond when he talks about her. It's weird, definitely. But in all fairness, this situation is definitely different than the ones before. First off, I know that she knows about me, which is always a bit more comforting than being kept a secret, as was the case with CK & D. And I know he likes me. I'm not saying this as a perceived notion, I'm stating it as fact. He totally is into me. He texts me all the time, asks to see me pretty often, and I don't mind.

We went out on Monday night, instead of watching the World Series game as I had planned. In my defense, I did not want to watch them lose, and if they did win, there would be game 6 and (hopefully) game 7, so I should just go out. Well of course I missed a great game, but I had a great date instead. It was pretty low key. We went to dinner, he picked me up so there was no weird driving situation like last time. And after dinner we were going to go to the movies, but there wasn't anything that either of us were very interested in seeing, so we decided to go for coffee. But there weren't any coffee places open except Dunkin' Donuts (which is poorly lit for dates - it's way too harsh), and Starbucks, which we both don't like... so we drove to WaWa, got coffee and drove to a park. It was kind of a chilly night to be sitting out in a park, but it was night. We were sitting next to each other, so it made it hard to look at him while we were talking, that and I was trying to keep from shivering out of my skin - I get so cold so easily! At one point he told me how comfortable he felt with me, which was nice, and I feel comfortable with him too, I'm just not sure I feel romantically comfortable with him. He's kind of awkward in that area... and it just makes me feel a little awkward. And I'm not, when it comes to romantic gestures or those initial moments. Those first dates are always a little awkward, but I felt like this was on a different scale. He pointed it out last time, which I wasn't so happy about, because I felt like it put more pressure on me.. And he's so not awkward in any other way. I wish he were just cool with making a move, kissing me, whatever. I definitely wanted him to kiss me while we were at the park, and I'm sure he wanted to, but I wasn't going to make that move. So he didn't. ARGH. Frustrating. It would have been a nice first kiss place. But alas... it was not.

So, he drove me back to my house. It was getting late, almost 1 am, and the next day wasn't a teaching day (election day = no students) and this week is a short one, so I didn't really care about the time. I would've stayed out later. But there was no where to go, and he wasn't making any moves... so home it was. When we got back to my house, we sat in my driveway for quite some time. When I finally got sleepy and started yawning profusely, and was ready to go, he decides to make a move. What?? Ok, so he comes around to open my door for me in the car, which is very sweet, don't get me wrong, but I don't think I would have been very good at dating in the 1950s or whenever people did this all the time and it was expected. I was just sitting in his car, alone and it felt really awkward waiting for him to go around and open the door for me. So, he opens the door, and decides that a great moment to kiss me. When I'm just about ready to go to bed. I was a little surprised, since he had plenty of kissable moments throughout the date, and didn't take any of them (he did lick my sweater at one point... that's a strange story, and sounds SO weird out of context and really gross, but it was actually part of what we were talking about... I just can't remember why at this time) but chose to kiss me when he was dropping me off. It was good, the kissing, and it's only a little awkward that he's shorter than me (have I mentioned that before? Shorter, maybe 2 inches, than me is not really my type! but then again, neither are divorcees who live with their ex-wives.) But, he walked me to the door, kissed me some more, and that was the date.

I didn't feel a great spark when he kissed me. He wasn't a bad kisser and it was generally pleasant, but I wasn't totally enamoured by it. Maybe I was too tired, or anticipating it too much. I liked it, I just didn't get butterflies or feel super excited by it. I'm obviously not going to write it off, and we're going to go out tomorrow night and/or Friday (depending on how the Phils do tonight!!), but I'm hoping there's more electricity there next time. I want this work, but part of me might be looking for excuses for it not to work out. There's just so many reservations (or rather just ONE looming reservation), and I'm dreading that part.

Also, I got a shout out on the Nice Jewish Guys Facebook page! Maybe there will be new readers! Too bad all the Jdate dates were from 2006-07. Again, must resolve to date more Jews! (this guy who lives with his ex, not Jewish... but his ex wife is. probably doesn't count though.)

Seeking: NJB

Ever since I've been working as the youth group advisor for USY, people have been asking me if I'm doing it to meet an Nice Jewish Boy. Well, it's not the REASON I took the job, but I wouldn't be opposed, that's for sure. After countless disappointing years on and off Jdate, I kind of wrote off the whole Jewish guy thing. I'm not particularly religious, and wouldn't want to be with someone who kept kosher (me +bacon = goodness, also me + cheesesteak, and shellfish, and everything else that is not kosher) or went to synagogue all the time (not a fan), but someone who I didn't have to explain the rituals of having gefilte fish on Passover, and how it doesn't actually taste as bad as it looks, but I wouldn't hold it against them if they didn't eat it... I don't eat Matzoh Balls, so I lose some points there, I guess. But, ever since I've been resubmerged in the Jewish culture through the USY position, I've realized that it is something that is important to me, at least culturally. Judaism is hard because it's part religion and part culture. You can be culturally Jewish without being religious, and this is something I have a hard time balancing.

I'm a spiritual person. I believe in something greater than myself, and do think there are such things as fate & destiny (no eye rolling please... at least not to my face!) :) I would like to eventually marry someone who is Jewish, I think, and I think whenever I meet someone on match who is, that person becomes automatically more appealing to me regardless of whether or not I would be interested in them if they weren't Jewish. Not to mention my grandmothers like to put it on me that I'm their absolute last hope of a grandchild marrying someone who is Jewish. Nothing like good Jewish grandmother guilt! But regardless, it's always something I saw for myself, but I haven't been actually seeking that out in the guys I date.

Maybe it should be a new year's resolution, a little early, for 2010. Date more Jewish guys. And to help me get there... or if anyone is looking for a Hanukkah present for me, this calendar should suffice. Seriously people, the holidays are right around the corner! :)

Where the Wild Things Are

After a week of trying to figure out what to do about the guy who lives with his ex, I decided I'm not going to do anything at all. Meaning - I'm not going to end things, because frankly, I do like him, despite how impractical it seems right now. So, while he was away in Maine, we communicated through texts every day. And he wanted to see me the day after he got back, but of course, my many jobs interfered with my social life as usual. We went out last night, which was supposed to be a relatively early dinner and then a movie. However, due to some issue at his work, we had to go later, which he did give me the option of bailing on one of the activities (dinner or a movie, instead of both). I didn't want to cancel the movie, because we've hung out before and done the whole conversation over drinks, etc, and dinner seemed to be too similar to that, AND I really did want to see the movie. A movie date without anything else doesn't lead to much, so it had to be both. So, a later dinner and an even later movie, I was still planning on being home by midnight.

We went to a Thai restaurant that I had been meaning to try not too far from my house. I had heard good things about it, and it was ok, nothing great like Brooklyn Thai food, but not much is. We split a bottle of wine, and talked over dinner. He ordered Pad Thai, which made me laugh, because it reminded me of one my first blog dates when I totally criticized my date for ordering pad thai, it was a boring choice, but I was also making my point then that it was a boring date and his food choice just emphasized that. And, in confession, this guy knows about the blog. He's my friend on facebook, and has seen multiple friends post things about the blog, and I have mentioned it before too. So I told him the story about the date with the boring pad thai. I know. Telling guys about the blog has never worked in my interest before, but I believe that he has no intention of actually trying to find it and whether he does or not, I want to assure you that this is not watered down blogging.

So over an hour at dinner, long conversations as usual, and it's time to head to the movie. We split a piece of cake before going in, and are just one of few people in the theater. I mean, who really goes to the movies at 9:40 on a Tuesday night. (BONUS Mini Blog - within the blog -I actually had been to the same theater the night before with Mr. Perfect. I took him out for his birthday - I felt bad, it was his birthday and he had no plans. Although he did tell me that he's been on a few dates with a new girl, and has slept with her. Seriously, and all that time I was very careful not to tell him about the Bad Kisser because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Well, that went out the window at dinner, and I told him about the bad kisser and that I was going out with the guy who lives with his ex, and texted guy who lives with his ex throughout the night while I was out with Mr. P. Uch, I was so irritated by him. I did tell him that he's dating the wrong girls and that he's not going to be happy if he still is unhappy with his life. I was pretty harsh on him, for his birthday and all. but whatever, I'm over that. I did my duty as a friend and an ex, and made sure he didn't spend his birthday by himself. It wasn't a fun evening for either of us, and I doubt it will happen again anytime soon. Much needed closure.) ANYWAY, back to the date at hand... I LOVED the movie. I know a lot of people who saw it and didn't like it, but I didn't go into it thinking of it as a kid's movie and you really can't. It's not meant for little ones, and it's an angry, yet beautifully made movie. I love the book, Where the Wild Things Are, and the movie did not disappoint. I really thought Sendak's artwork came through the cinematography beautifully, and to take a 5 minute story and turn it into a full length film was not done without a lot of development of the characters. Loved it.

After the movie, he drove me back to my car and we sat there and talked for another 2 hours. I think he wanted to kiss me, but I was not going to make it easy for him. He told me that he's really awkward about the "end of dates" and I kind of shook my head sympathetically. I'm not going to make the first move. And then I brought up my own reservations. I'm not really ready to let go the whole living with his ex-wife/lesbian thing. So I brought it up, as my own apprehension that I have towards whatever it is that we're doing (which as of right now, is hanging out... and if that's all it's going to be, I guess it doesn't matter who he lives with!). And we talked about that at length for a long time, we talked about his relationship with his ex, his marriage to his ex, his wedding. How it all went wrong. Really lovely 3rd date conversation. He made it very clear that he likes me, he's interested in dating me at least, and he hopes that I can come to terms with his living situation. I hope I can too. I really do like him, despite my actual trying not to, because it might not be the ideal situation to be in, but I'm willing to see how it all pans out.

I'm not sure how the rest of my dating life is holding up at this point, my work schedule definitely impedes it, and there's one guy who's been trying to set up a date with me for about a month, but it seems like my work gets in the way every single time. And I don't think he's all that interested anyway. If he were, we could meet up for drinks/dinner during the week, but he's never been that interested in setting that up. And he always waits until the last minute to try to make plans. With my schedule, I can't do that, and so, a month or more later, we still haven't been on a date. He's still trying though, we'll see if it happens. There's a few more, emails/IMs only at this point. Who knows what will be, and who knows what could happen in the mean time. All I know is that when all is said and done, I look forward to hearing from the guy who lives with his ex the most, and haven't really thought much about any of the others since. These are big steps for me, those of you who lived through my crazy summer/fall, I'm finally(?) ready to move on!

Cooking for One

I have to admit, that when I'm by myself, I don't do much just for myself. And since I live alone, and don't often have company, this means I very rarely cook for myself. Sometimes I don't even eat depending on the amount of food that is in my house. I went from the end of June until the end of September without grocery shopping. It's a talent.

Tonight, I went to a cooking class. It was geared towards young Jewish singles in their 20's and 30's. Of course the demographic was made up of mostly girls, one gay (?) guy, one guy who left about 20 minutes in (and he was not attractive!), and another borderline attractive, but not really, guy. It was run by a gay guy and a married guy, so my only hope going into this was the chef. He did not disappoint.

I'm not going to lie. I find talent to be one of the most appealing thing a person can offer. Show me skill, talent, creativity, whatever, and I am yours. So, this single, Jewish chef was all in all VERY appealing to me. Maybe appealing enough to become a new crush (I know you all will miss the old one!). I partnered up with another girl during the class, stationed myself directly in front of the chef, and smiled shamelessly the entire time. Nothing happened, but I did get to make some delicious food, and had the female/male ratio been a bit more balanced, it would've been a bit more productive I think.

I don't think I'm going to be cooking all that more often for myself now, nor do I think anything will come of this, but I had a good time and got my mind off other things that have been plaguing it lately!

food = delicious.

Doesn't it sound familiar...

Last night was the 2nd date with the guy from earlier this week. You know, the one who lives with his lesbian ex-wife, and all his ex in-laws either in the same house or right across the street? Yeah, that one.

Ok, so I don't care about that so much anymore. I know I probably should. I've been burned badly in situations like these... D and his ex girlfriend, CK and the BFPE, who was bisexual, which I know isn't the same, but that didn't turn out well in my favor either. I know it probably doesn't matter how many excuses I make, there's just something wrong with living with your ex-wife, no matter how into girls she is. But all that aside, I just don't even really think about it when we're hanging out.

Last night we met up at a coffee shop in walking distance from my house. There is something calming about being able to walk to date, it reminded me of dating in NYC. I considered driving the 3 blocks because it was so cold and miserable out last night, but in the city, I would have never driven to the subway, and the coffee shop is closer to my house than the subway was to my apartment, so that didn't make much sense. I bundled up way more than I should have to for mid-October, and walked over to the coffee house. Well, it was so crowded and there was some sort of open mic night going on, it was kind of crazy. We found a spot that ended up being a good as we were going to get in there, removed in a corner, behind the music, so we weren't even facing it. However, there were some very strange folk and very interesting music which provided much fodder for the conversation.

Some highlights of the night were a song about fisting (I'm not sure that this is what the song was really about, but my date seems to think so, he thought it was hysterical), a spoken word poetry session about nursing homes set to some synthesizer music, a creepy father/daughter (maybe not, we hypothesized this relationship) duet sung pretty badly, and me stabbing myself with a toothpick in my gums. That wasn't embarrassing at all. At one point, the coffee house staff brought around some dessert bites for the customers in the place, on toothpicks. When I have something in my hands, like a toothpick, I tend to fidget with it, and it was in and out of my hands/mouth while we were talking. And at one point, I lodged it into my gums pretty hard, and I started to bleed, kind of excessively. I had already finished my tea and I didn't have anything to rinse my mouth out with, it was pretty horrific. My date was cool though, and if he was terrified by my self-mutilation, he didn't let on too much. I'm realizing I'm way out of practice in the dating scene, in my heyday I would have known not to play with sharp objects!

So, this date was only moderately shorter than the last one, lasting about 3.5 hours, which for a second date isn't so bad. I was still tired from the late night earlier in the week, and hadn't fully caught up on my sleep, so I was yawning profusely by 11 pm. Around 11:30 we made it outside, and I wonder how the goodbye would have gone if it hadn't been awkwardly interrupted. This tall, gangly, toothy guy followed us out, he had been in and out of the place all night, and had been the topic of much speculation and discussion on our date. Tall guy proceeded to try to talk to us, asking if we were leaving. Which just made it awkward for us, because he had to go to his car, and I was walking in the opposite direction... so we hugged goodbye, and tried to escape the weird guy. I was slightly afraid that the tall guy was going to follow me around the corner, but he didn't. He just kind of interfered at an inopportune time.

So the ex-wife guy is going away for over a week, and I'm sure we'll be in communication the entire time, but it's a lot less pressure to figure out what it is I'm looking for with him, and if I want to play this role for yet a 3rd time in my dating history.

3rd time's a charm?