If You Had Only 4 Months...

What is the biggest deciding factor if a relationship is "worth it" or not? Is it the amount of time you have with the person. If you have an undetermined amount of time, that time could be 4 dates, 4 months, 4 years... You just don't know. But if you knew, and you knew for sure that it was only going to be 4 months, is it worth it?

The Israeli found out on Thursday that he is not being kept on at his job another year as he expected. So instead of having 1 year and 4 months to see where things go, we will only have 4 months. I went over to his apartment late last night after I got back from seeing my best friend's piano concert in West Chester. I knew the Israeli would be at his friend's party, and he had originally told me that I could come right to his apartment and he'd give me the combination and show me where the extra key was so I could get inside. I decided it would be best for me to go home to my apartment first, so I could unload my car and such, and then I'd just drive over when he was on his way home from the party. I ended up getting to Brooklyn around 12:30, and he was still at the party, so I took a short nap on the couch until I heard from him. I finally heard from him that he was on his way home around 2:30, and I got to his apartment around 3ish. We talked for a bit, and everything seemed to be ok. He seemed really glad to see me after only a few days.

Since it was already so late, we went to bed fairly early. We made out as usual and he fell asleep almost immediately - which is rare for him. I, however, was wide awake from the nap I had taken, and could not fall asleep. I tossed and turned for a while, and maybe finally drifted off to sleep around 5:30. I had noticed that the Israeli was not being as intimate while we were sleeping. He was definitely sleeping on the other side of the bed, with his back towards me, and did not try to cuddle or anything. At night, I chalked this up to the fact that he had been drinking; and although he was not drunk, he was not sober either. I know after I've been drinking, I don't like lying with someone else. After only a few hours of sleep, I woke up again, and the Israeli was still sleeping, still far away from me. I was contemplating whether or not I should just go home, and let him sleep off whatever it was that was bothering him. Whether it was something physically wrong, or something was on his mind, I could tell he was acting different. It's strange that even after spending only one week with someone, you become so attuned to their mannerisms that when something is off, it's apparent. He woke up around 9:30ish and we fooled around for a bit, and it seemed like all had been forgotten. Maybe he had just drank too much the night before. He went back to sleep, and since I was now wide awake, I got out a book that I had to read for class. I read for a while, and he went back to his strange sleeping positing. Further away than before. I let him be for a while, and then after about an hour, I could tell he was stirring, so I cuddled up to him. He turned to me, and said, "I just had the worst dream." I asked him what it was, and he told me that it was 4 months from now, and he was leaving to go back to Israel and everyone was so sad. I replied with a sympathetic, "hmmm..." and rubbed his back. But as I thought about it, I said to him, "But that's silly, you're not leaving in 4 months." He hesitated, and then proceeded to tell me how he found out on Thursday that he was not asked to come back for another year next year and he will be going home to Israel in May. My heart sank. Of course, the first time I feel like I have everything that I want... there has to be a condition. It can never be easy. We talked about for a long time after that, whether it makes sense to stay together for 4 months, but neither of us want to end things now. I don't know what is going to happen, I told him I want to take it day by day. He said that he doesn't want me to miss out on meeting someone better in the next 4 months, and I told him that I wasn't going to be looking anyway... So, we didn't come to any agreement. A lot can happen in 4 months, and a lot can change. I'm hoping for something to make this situation easier... maybe he can find a job here or something, wishful thinking on my part. But I'm not going to give up something just because it may end in 4 months.