Big Fat Pink Elephant

Tonight was date number 4 with CK. The date itself was wonderful. Really and truly a fantastic time was had. I drove into the city, picked him up (we could have walked but it was raining rather hard at intervals during the evening), went to an amazing concert, and then I dropped him off back home. There's little detail in between that is relevant. A little of that awkward "it's too early for us to be really comfortable" kind of casual touching (i.e. his hand on my leg during some of the songs - yet only to be removed as soon as the song is over to clap), and some kissing, but nothing disgustingly PDA-ish.

In between the opening and the headliner, we talked, and I finally felt like we were getting to know each other better. He asked me some strange questions about if I thought children should be allowed to watch tv, and we talked about our families, plans for the up coming weeks, although I don't know how much time we'll get to see each other in November. I'm heading to Boston for 5 days the second weekend, and he's going to China for 10 days around Thanksgiving. But I do think things will progress further before any of that even happens. After the show, he held my hand as we walked to the car, which was new... and nice, I guess. I'm not a huge fan of hand holding, but it's not a deal breaker. I drove him home, we kissed in the car for a little bit, and then I left. No "see you around" this time - although there was something equally weird and awkward about the goodbye, although it wasn't enough to stick in my brain.

Yes, I believe he's still interested, and nothing was meant by the evasive "see you around" last time or this date's equally awkward goodbye that I can't remember - except that it was awkward. And even if he's interested, there are still some things that need to be discussed. One of those things being the girlfriend - whom shall now be known as the big fat pink elephant, as deemed by a co-worker. Nothing about her has been brought up. He doesn't bring her up and I still haven't found a comfortable way to ask what the deal is with that. However, he did offer to make me a mix cd, which in middle school terms, means we're getting pretty serious. Yet, a lot of this seems to be moving at the pace of a middle school relationship - we've held hands, kissed (nothing else physically yet), and now I'll have a mix cd to show for it. Maybe next time I can get my mom to drive me to the mall to meet him while walking around and not doing anything. But until then, there's still the big fat pink elephant that I need to get out of the picture.

See you around.

So a third date with the guy my mom set me up with happened last night (time for a blog name: Guy my mom set me up with will here on out be known as CK). Let's backtrack first to earlier in the week when I went to dinner with my parent's and grandmother. My grandmother is especially invested in this working out because CK's mom is my grandmother's landlady this summer. My grandmother always asks me how it's going and this time she told me a story about how she ran into someone who knows both my grandmother and CK's mom. My grandmother proceeds to tell this mutual friend that her granddaughter (me) and her landlady's son (CK) are dating. I freaked out when she told me this story, because honestly I don't want it to get back to CK that I'm going around telling people that we're dating, when we've only been out on 3 dates so far. My grandmother didn't see the problem with this - we are going on dates - therefore in her mind, we are dating. Oh the intricacies of a word.

Last night, I was supposed to have a hayride with school for the faculty. I was looking forward to it (not because my crush was going - because he was not!), but I wasn't really heartbroken when they canceled it due to impending thunderstorms. I had a hell of a week this past week, and could really have used a quiet low-key night. When CK and I talked earlier in the week, he mentioned getting together over this upcoming weekend, but I knew my week was jam packed and the weekend was as well. I had kind of given him a non-definitive answer on whether or not I could see him. We had played phone tag Wednesday night, and Thursday night - neither one of us ever there when the other called, so by Friday I had no idea what his weekend plans were either. When the hayride was canceled, I sent him a quick text letting him know that I was in fact going to be around Friday night and didn't have any plans if he was free. He responded almost immediately that he was and would call me when he got out of work. Friday was a busy day because on Thursday, I had bought a new car, and Friday was spent dealing with all the paperwork. I had to return my rental car (my old car is not in drivable condition), drive the guy from the dealership back (he brought my rental car), finish signing my paperwork, stop by my aunt's to show my aunt and my grandma my new car, go to my other grandma's for dinner, and then eventually go out. When I got to my aunt's house, I realized that my wallet was missing, and I had a mini-meltdown. Turns out I had left it in the rental car, and thankfully it was still there. My aunt and grandma (not the one who knows CK's mom) wanted me to tell them about CK, but he happened to call right then, and having missed his calls all week, I didn't want to miss this one. I quickly said goodbye to my grandma and aunt, and as I was getting on the phone, my aunt says loudly, "have a good date!" At least you can't see someone turn beet red over the phone. We decided a low-key night was best for both of us, and after I picked up my wallet, I scraped the rest of the plans and just went over to his place to rent a movie.

I got there, CK wanted to check out the car (which I am proud to say is a lovely thing to be seen), and then we walked over to the video store. We were going to rent Knocked Up, but it was taken during the time we were deciding if it was worth it or not (since I had already seen it, but was willing to see it again). We decided to rent City of God, which was very brutally violent and very graphic. It was extremely well done, and I think I really liked it, but it's hard to tell with a movie like that. We watched the whole thing, start to finish. We drank beer, and sat awkwardly close to each other, and I was very aware of his presence the entire time during the movie. Towards the very end of the movie, he put his arm around me. That's all that happened during the movie. After the movie, he kissed me and there was some cuddling and kissing on the couch. It was completely innocent, and nothing more than kissing happened over the 5 hour span that I was there. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't going to do much more than that anyway, being that he has a picture of his girlfriend in the room we were making out in. Granted, I've seen this picture before, which is how I knew it was his girlfriend. But to be kissing someone who has a girlfriend, with her picture staring me down, was something I had no comfort in. It was still a nice evening, cuddling and kissing while the rain was pouring down outside. It was cozy.

While we were talking, he kind of invited me to a concert on Wednesday, but never really asked me if I wanted to go. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that yet. He made me tea before I had to drive home, and while I was drinking the tea and waking myself up to drive home, he asked me what my plan was. My plan? for... tonight? for the week? for life? He didn't specify. So I took the immediate plan, and said I was going to go home because it was late. He agreed that was a good idea, and said there would be other nights. Other nights for what? He walked me downstairs, kissed me goodbye (and it was a very nice kiss - which he commented on), and then said, "See you around." What kind of goodbye is that? See you around? I'd love to know what he meant by that. My friends think he was nervous and didn't know what to say. I think it could have been a weird brush off. I'm not sure.

Will there be more to come with CK? I'm thinking about texting him about the concert on Wednesday because the venue was changed and he apparently didn't know about that, but I'm not sure that I want to go. But maybe, I'll see him around.

There's little else going on, my crush is still there and a good distraction at school, but nothing new to speak of in that area. My life is busy, but relatively boring. Come December, when I'm done graduate school, I hope all that will change.

Double Date

On Friday I went on a double date with the guy from Monday. I went with my best friend and her fiance and the guy. It was strange to have a second date as a double date, but it turned out fine enough. My friends drove into the city, and we picked up my date on the way. I was pretty nervous about my friends meeting this guy, especially because I still don't know the direction this is going in. My friends also have really never thought any of the guys I've dated were really good enough for me... so I always worry about what they think (not that it's ever stopped me before).

Anyway, we picked him up at his place and headed to Northern Liberties. We went my favorite bar/bowling alley, and had dinner. Dinner went really well. There was some time spent the four of us talking, and then there was some time spent talking just the two of us. We talked about everything from politics to music, and had a good time with my friends as well. We got around to bowling after dinner, and I sucked completely. I'm not a very good bowler on a good day, but on Friday I sucked worse than ever - all of us did actually. Well my date was the best of all of us, which I think was a good thing. I chalk that up to Wii bowling. I must invest in one so I can improve my bowling scores.

After 2 atrocious games of bowling, we hung out for a while at the bowling alley and then headed over to Center City for some delicious gelato. We were a good foursome, we each spent time talking. He talked to my friend while I talked to her fiance, he talked to the fiance while my friend and I hung out, and he and I got to spend a good amount of time together as well. We stayed at the gelateria until they closed. We drove my date back to his place. This was the part I was worried about. Should I walk him to his door? Should I say goodbye to him in the car? I decided to walk him out. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the lips, a little more romantic than last time, but still not a "make-out" kiss (which was a good thing - my friends were waiting in the car). He said he'd like to get together again, and I told him to call me (which I don't do!) and he said he assured me he definitely would... whatever that means.

What I'm struggling most with is deciding whether this is going to go in a friend direction or a relationship direction. My friends want me to invite him to a hayride we're going on next week, but I think I'd like to have another one on one date before another group date. A group date could push things into a more friends-only category. If we could hang out one on one, I could see better where I think this going. I'll just wait and see when I hear from him, and decide what I'm going to then. But so far so good... maybe mother does know best.

Deja Vu

I've been on this date before. Well maybe not really, but I've definitely been in this position before. Here's how it all started...
My mom met his mom down the shore. His mom started talking to my mom, they both discovered that they had children of the same age, who were both single (or so they both said), living in the same area. They decided we should meet. My mom came home from the shore and insisted that I look him up on Myspace. I did, and his profile clearly states that he's in a relationship. Ok, well nevermind. I forgot all about this, until my mom brought him up again a few weeks later, telling me that she talked to his mother and he's not in fact really in a relationship. She says that I should really email him... ok, fine. So I send a weird email to him, because really what can you say when it clearly states on his page that he's in a relationship? I put some stuff out there about having recently moved back home, blah blah blah. It was a strained, awkward attempt at an introduction.

He emails me back and sort of explains that his relationship is in transition, and definitely open, and he's available to meet new people. I'm not sure really what any of this means, but I think he's cute based on his pictures, we seem to have some similar interests, and that's enough for me to at least go on one date with the guy. He called me on Wednesday night of this past week, and we talked for about an hour. I was definitely looking forward to tonight's date, despite the fact that there was a possibility that he might still be involved in a relationship.

We met up at his apartment in Center City. I know, not a smart move on my part, but we only met there because he has a driveway, which is killer for the city. I didn't go into his place, just purely used it for the driveway. The first thing I thought when I saw him was that he was definitely cuter than his picture. Not a bad start. We walked over the South Street, and ate dinner outdoors. It's nice to be able to eat outside in October, but to be honest, I'm getting a little tired of the heat and am ready for some cool autumnal weather. The conversation was good throughout, and there are little nuances he has that reminds me completely of D (mainly he has a Wii and an ex (or non-ex in this case) still in the picture). We sat and talked for a good while, and the conversation ran smoothly. A good date, for sure. But there's still this feeling of is this guy single or interested or anything, hanging over my head.

After dinner we walk back to his place (of course we do, my car is there!). He asks me if I want to come in and see his place. Hmm, this might get interesting - I think. But really, all he does is show me around his apartment, barely. And then takes me on a short tour of the church that is attached to his apartment. It's totally torn out on the inside, being renovated. And he has the whole living quarters plus church all to himself. Add the factor of the driveway onto that equation and it's a pretty sweet set-up. So we hang out in the church for a while, and talk at the bottom of the stairs... and finally, the girlfriend comes up. I definitely brought this up... somehow. He mentioned a girl or something, and I said something to the effect of "oh is that the girl you're kind of in a relationship with?" He responds in the affirmative. And there is a bit of awkward explaining as to why they are not together, mostly it has to do with the fact that she moved to Nova Scotia, and he did not.

We parted well, an awkward hug which I laughed off saying something to the effect of how these things are always weird. Then he walked me out, gave me a kiss on the lips, and we agreed to another date possibly this coming weekend.

So, this leaves me in a similar position as I've been in before. Do I want to get invested in a guy who is clearly still involved elsewhere? I am going to see him again, so I guess I will play it as it comes. I don't ever like playing second best, but we'll see how it goes.

As far as the first set up ever by my mom, not so bad. I'd definitely let her set me again.

Meetings.

Life is slow these days, at least on the dating front. I haven't been on any dates, and the salesman seems to have picked up on my "not interested" vibe and has ceased calling. My only saving grace these days is my school crush. I know I shouldn't write about it here because of the risk of someone finding out, but I'll live dangerously for now.

I had a meeting where my crush was present today. It was a brief department meeting, and did not require any one of us to stay very late. I assumed that as soon as the meeting was over, my crush would be out the door. I stayed around to talk with two of my co-workers, who were discussing the quality of their daycare teachers that both of their children attend. I smiled at my crush and said something to the effect of, I'm glad I don't have to worry about that. He was hanging around too, and it wasn't very clear as to why. He didn't seem to have anything important to say or anything further to discuss, but he was clearly hanging around. I was walking back to my classroom with my co-worker, and he came with us. My co-worker left to go pick up her son, and I just assumed that my crush would be leaving shortly there after. No, he stayed, for close to half an hour. We talked about school, and graduate school, and a little reference to life outside of school... but still, half an hour in my room. We joked around a bit, and the conversation had a professional, yet flirty, feel to it. He stayed until the custodian came in, kind of cautiously, and asked if she was interrupting something private. It must have seemed very intimate, with just the two of us talking in the doorway of my classroom. He stayed for a bit longer after that, but with the custodian in and out of my room, it felt strange for the two of us to stand there, in her way, talking. The choices were either, I leave my classroom, he comes fully into the classroom, or we end our already long conversation.

There is something to be said for him staying all this time to talk to me, I think, and in all the jobs I've ever had, I've never had a crush on someone who I actually had a chance with. This is just something very new. He mentioned stopping by my classroom on Friday, but my classes will be testing in the library all day, so he assured me he would stop by sometime next week. I'm constantly flustered by his appearance in my room throughout the days when he does stop by, but I do continue to look forward to our meetings.

Slurpee Salesman

I've been promising this blog for a few days now... and I should be sleeping, or doing graduate school work, or regular school work... but I'm blogging. Sunday night was my first date since I moved back home. It was weird telling my parents that I would be going on a date, and kind of embarrassing, because I'm living at home, and am now 27... Hopefully by the time I'm 28, I'll have enough money saved up to have already bought my new house. Wishful thinking. Back to the date. The guy is 31 (I must have a thing for that age these days, 31 = same age as my crush), and actually went to the same high school as me, but I think he graduated a year before I started there. It's unlikely that I would have known him anyway, I'm sure we ran with different crowds.

The short of it: (because I'm too tired to retell the whole date.) Nothing exciting.. an hour or so at Starbucks, soup at Ponzios... he asked me if I wanted to go to his place. I said no. He kissed me, it was ok. He's called me twice since then. The end.

Is he a nice guy? Yes. Definitely. Very social, and we had no problem keeping up conversation. Am I attracted to him? I don't think so. He does have very nice blue eyes, but I don't think that's enough to make it count. Here are just a few of my issues:

• He never went to college. (I have a big problem with that... I know, college isn't for everyone, but it's essential for me, so I can't imagine not going.)

• He's bald. and kind of looks like my ex.

• He slurps his coffee, and his soup. I witnessed both.

• He's had gastric bypass surgery, which is not a problem, but that he can only eat food in small doses totally is. I don't like to eat more food than my date, ever. So that meant dinner on our date was a bowl of soup. I finished mine (and probably could have eaten something a bit more substantial), he had a few spoonfuls and was done. That was a turnoff. I think I'd rather date a guy with some meat on his bones who eats more than a dude who eats less than an ounce of food per meal.
  

And the kicker...

• He's a car salesman. I felt like at every suggestion he made to me, he was trying to close a deal. I don't necessarily trust the intentions of a guy who I feel is trying to sell me something, even if it is just the idea of another date.
  

He texted me that night to see if I got home ok, I didn't respond the message until the next day. He called that night and we talked for about 10 minutes or so, because he was at his friend's for the Eagles' game. He called tonight, a few minutes ago. I didn't pick up because I'm too tired to talk, and I didn't want to have to think on my toes about how to deflect his next sales pitch.

Today's best search that landed them on my blog was: "my date tried to suck my toes." I have NO idea how that one would go, but I would LOVE to hear that story!

How you get here.

So there have been a lot of hits on this ol' blog lately... and I have to say some of the people finding this blog are probably not looking for it. Some of the strangest ways some people have come to read my rants and raves about the dating world caught my eye.
Today's top 5 ways that my blog was found were through the following Google searches:
5. Dating an Israeli (I can answer this question for the one who is looking for answers... it sucks. don't do it.)
4. jdate for non jews. Well, people... they call it Match.com, and it's open for everyone. Again, Jdate is not for Jesus.
3. Summer Corduroy. Hmm. I don't know. really, I don't. Probably a no-no, but so many people wear white after labor day these days, I think all fashion rules are null and void (Except for tapered jeans, with a belt and a tight polo shirt. That one still doesn't work in my book.)
2. brooklyn girl blog dating disaster. Ok, so this person was probably looking for the blog... but c'mon who doesn't have the link out there? Bookmark it already people.
1. What date does summer end? Well the answer is not here, but I know it. The equinox is on Sept. 23rd this year. Probably not how I would phrase that search, but if you Google that question, my blog is on the first page.

My blog also comes up for first date disasters, second date disasters, ignoring text messages after a date, jdate phone#, my dating diary, and Scott Plasky (seriously feel bad for this one, I didn't mean for that to happen, but whoever googles his name always gets to my page).

I used to think that only people I knew read my blog, but there are people far and wide who read it. This started as just a way to keep my friends up to date on my dates, so I didn't have to retell the same crazy story over and over again. It's become so much more. So even though I'm not a Brooklyn girl anymore, and I don't date in the city either, the blog will live on.

I went on a date last night, as is apropos for the Sunday of my birthday weekend, I'll tell you all about it later. I'm beat.

Crush

I have a crush. This is something so weird for me because I can't remember the last time I had a real honest to god crush on someone. I don't work in a profession that often opens itself up to the work romance, the men in teaching are few and far between. And the ones that are there are usually either A) married, B) old, C) gay or D) all of the above. [...]


The rest of this post has been edited because I'm an idiot and told someone I worked with about the blog. If you want to read it, let me know, I'll send it to you...

Avoiding...

I've been avoiding the blog. I don't want to write about the Israeli leaving. I don't want to write about the huge fight we had before he left (yes, ANOTHER one!), I don't want to write about how I had an extreme moment of insanity and locked myself in the bathroom (true story), and I don't want to write about how he told me that he loved me. After all of that.

And after all is said and done, he helped me move out of my apartment. I was mean to him. And he helped me more than any of my friends who have been my friends for years helped me. Moving out of my apartment was no small feat, and he did it without complaining, and tolerated my madness - for 11 hours, after fighting for many hours the night before. I am an awful person.

The fight - since it's really the only interesting part left of his stay here... here goes:

Thursday night was my dinner. I had about 12 friends there, and while I have a lot of friends who know each other, I had more there that knew no one. I felt like I was all over the place, trying to talk to everyone, and maybe I felt like since I spent so much time with the Israeli that week, it was ok if I didn't spend as much time talking to him during the dinner. I let him fend for himself, and he did just fine. He talked to my trainer, a guy I used to date and his new girlfriend, and one of my work friends for most of the night. Every time I looked over in his direction he was engaged in a conversation with someone, so I felt like he was holding his own. After dinner, a few of us went over to a bar for some drinks and a game of Scrabble. There were 5 of us, and not enough tile holders for 5 teams. I suggested 2 teams of 2, and one team of one. I volunteered to be on the team of one, which left the Israeli with my trainer, and my two home friends together. We're all pretty competitive, and I played as I would as if I were playing against any of my friends. I didn't treat him any differently, and I didn't think that was going to be a problem. When we got back to my apartment later that night, I could tell he was not acting like his normal self. I was uploading pictures from the night, and he went off into the other room to start packing. Once my pictures were up, I asked him if he was coming to bed. He said he'd be there in a little bit, and then came to bed after I was asleep. We slept on opposite sides of the bed. This was the first time his entire stay that this happened, and after such a good night on Wednesday night, it was kind of upsetting.

In the morning, he was still upset with me, and I asked him why. He denied that he was, and I had to go to the gym so we didn't have a lot of time to spend together. We had originally discussed meeting up around 3 in the afternoon, after he was done his errands. When he called at 3, I wasn't done packing and he still wanted to do some shopping, so he said he would call me later. During that time, I made plans to go to a concert with a friend, and assumed that the Israeli would want to come with. When he called later, he was angry that I had made plans, and said he didn't want to spend his last night in New York at a free concert at the South Street Seaport. This didn't make sense to me, because the Israeli loved music, our first date was to a free concert, I thought it would be a good way to end things. So, I went to the concert, and he called me around 10 to see what I was up to. I was just finishing dinner with the friends I went to the show with, and was in a very good mood on the phone with him. He took my good mood to indicate that I would be ok with him going out later than planned that night. He was wrong.

When I got back to my apartment it was around 11. By the time I was able to get a hold of him, it was nearly quarter after. I had a very classic New York moment, as I got into a fight with him on my cell phone outside of my apartment. Why I didn't go in, I'm not sure. I knew at that point that he wasn't going to be coming back any time soon, so it's not like I was waiting outside for him. Anyway, on the phone we really got into it. He was mad at me because I didn't want to go out, he was mad at me for going to the concert, he was mad at me because I wouldn't leave him the key to my apartment. I told him he could either come home soon (read: before midnight) or I could put his stuff outside and the homeless people could have it. He told me that he would come back at 7am the next morning to help me move, but he wanted to have fun on his last night in the city. This made me so angry because he already had a last night in the city, 3 months ago, and he used the same argument when we got into a fight that day (anyone see a pattern??). He then proceeded to tell me that I treat him like he's dumb (which is probably true), and I should see the looks I give him when he makes a mistake. So, we're arguing on the phone, while the Israeli is supposed to be hanging out with the new girl who took over his position and her sister. When I asked him why he'd rather spend time with someone he just met rather than me, he responded by saying that he wasn't going to get to see her for at least a year. I was flat out dumbfounded by this remark. He had just met her THAT day. Who cares when the next time he saw her was. He might not see me ever again at this point (is what I wanted to say to him...) and all he cares about is hanging out with some girl who he just met and her sister. So, while at first I was angry that he was being stubborn about coming home, when he said this I was enraged. Furious.

When he finally got back to my apartment, it was after 1, which means he didn't leave the Tea Lounge until after midnight, I had enough time to really fester up some serious fuel for my anger. I was steaming when I had to go down to let him in, and I didn't say anything at all to him, I just glared. I continued to ignore him when we got back into the apartment, and I don't know what I expected him to do, he was just as angry with me. He started to pack his stuff to leave. I didn't want him to leave, but I wasn't ready to talk about. So I did what every crazy girl would do. I went into the bathroom, and locked the door, knowing that I had his glasses in the bathroom with me, and he wouldn't leave without them. And I told him this from behind the locked bathroom door. He told me that since his glasses were worth $400, he would just take something from my apartment that was worth that much and leave. If I wanted my stuff back, I'd have to give him the glasses back. I don't know if he thought this would get me to come out of the bathroom, but it didn't. The only things worth anything in my apartment were either already packed, too big for him to realistically carry out of my apartment, or on my person (my own glasses). I could hear him looking through some things, I heard him turn on the tv, I heard him stomp and sigh around my apartment for however long I was locked in there. Finally, I heard him on the computer. Oh no. I was not going to be locked in the bathroom while he was online. So, I hid his glasses (yes, I was that crazy) and left the bathroom and unplugged the internet. So mature. Really.

We eventually got to talking, and we were able to talk about all the things that were bothering both of us. He felt like I treated him like he was unimportant when my friends were around, and that I treat him like he's dumb. I accepted both of those criticisms, because I do have the tendency to do both of those things. I apologized. He told me he loved me. It was in the middle of a conversation though, so I didn't have to respond. I didn't say it back. I did tell him that he once told me that he didn't believe in love, and had never told anyone that he loved them. He told me that he hopes it's not always this difficult.

After we spent all day Saturday moving me out of my apartment, and the Israeli was a HUGE help, it was time for me to take him to the airport. I'm not sure if the sadness was from leaving my apartment and leaving Brooklyn or the Israeli leaving, but I definitely cried... to the airport, at the airport, on my drive home. He wants me to come visit him in December. I've looked into it, but I haven't found any good flights. Visiting probably the holiest of lands during the holiday season, yeah... I'm probably not going to get a good flight.

So, the Israeli is gone. I really wish our last week had been different. If I hadn't been moving, I'm sure it would have been. I feel badly about how awful I was to him, especially because time after time, he was nothing short of amazing to me.

Shower

the Israeli is the shower. I'm blogging in secret. Tuesday night, I did in fact get the kitchen packed completely. I did also receive a phone call at 8:45 from the Israeli saying that he was just getting on the bus, and did not know how long it would take to get home. At 9:10, I get a text message from the Israeli saying that the bus hadn't arrived, and wouldn't arrive until 9:13. I was already mad at him, and when he got back to the apartment I picked one of the worst fights I may have ever picked in my life. Basically, every doubt, insecurity, and irritant I ever felt with the Israeli from the past 6 months came pouring out of me. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was because my trainer made a point to tell me I deserved better - and pointed out red flags I could have seen before - but regardless, I spent a good long hour telling the Israeli everything I did not like about our relationship and how he had treated me in the past 6 months. It felt cathartic to be so honest. I felt terrible at the same time, because I didn't want these few days to be miserable with the Israeli. I was very worked up, and very emotional... to the point where I made the Israeli cry because he felt like he had never hurt someone as badly as he hurt me. Hmmm. Well, maybe I over exaggerated a bit how hurt I had been... but it was good to actually see some emotion from him. He used the "L" word a few times, but he never came out and said "I love you." Which, much to my relief, I didn't have to come up with a response to. He was going to leave and stay with other friends, and part of me really wanted to let him go. But I knew I would feel terrible if I let things end that way. So we made up, and things were teary and a little weird... but ultimately, it was fine.

Wednesday, I had a session with my trainer in the morning, so the Israeli went to go do his laundry and run some errands. When he came back to the apartment, he had brought me a whole breakfast from the place we ate lunch the first day he was here. It was really sweet, and I could tell he was trying to make up for how badly he felt the night before. We went to Target where the Israeli got some clothes that were a little less Israeli... and in my opinion, a little more normal. We then had plans to meet up with his friends who he knows from Israel, but they live in New York now. I had never been introduced to any of his friends while he was here in May, and really didn't think any of them knew anything about me. Apparently, this one couple had heard about me, but still he had never introduced us before. His friend was playing a violin concert on the Upper West Side, so we went to that and then we went to dinner with his friend, her husband, and some of the other members of her quartet. It was quite an eclectic group and the Israeli really seemed to be in his element. It was a very diverse dinner party, as it was determined that I was the only true American at the table. Most of them had their green cards, and had been living here for many years, but there were 3 Israeli born, 3 Russian born, 1 Turkish, and 1 Canadian... and me, a red blooded Yankee through and through. I think socially the Israeli does better in situations like these, because they are more diverse and his mannerisms don't seem so out of place. However, the other 2 Israelis are much more Americanized. The Israeli's friend came up with a whole plan on how the Israeli is going to move here... to be with me. She said he should come back for grad school, and since I'm moving to Philly/South Jersey, he should look into Penn or Temple. And then he will live with me, and... Ok. Enough. I don't want the Israeli to move here, not for me at least. If he does end up coming here for his Masters degree, than that's one thing... but I'm not going to wait around for him. And I'm not going to to hold my breath hoping that he does. At this point, I'll be sad to see him go, but I think it will be easier this time to move on.

This morning we had a late breakfast and then the Israeli went off to run some errands while I stayed home and packed up more of the apartment. Tonight is my going away party where the Israeli will get to meet many of my friends here in the city. Some he's met before, most he hasn't. I'm interested to see how he survives socially in a much less diverse population (he'll be the only non-American this time!), although I'm afraid I already know how this is going to go...

A night to myself.

Well, I'd like to say it's been nothing but bliss since the Israeli arrived late yesterday morning.... but, I'd be lying to you if I did. He arrived at the apartment around 11:30, right around the time when I was officially freaking out that he had somehow gotten his flight information wrong (I checked LaGuardia airport - there were NO scheduled flights from Seattle!), or that he had missed his plane, I even checked for plane crashes. None of this happened in fact, he flew in on time to JFK, and should have had a fairly easy time getting to my apartment from there. His flight landed at 9:30, and I can't actually imagine it really taking 2 hours to get from JFK to my place, but somehow it did.

The reunion was very nice. I was nervous as anything going to answer the door, and how no idea how the greeting was going to go. We hugged, and then kissed, and then made our way upstairs where we hugged and kissed some more. The afternoon was really lovely. He gave me the presents that he bought for me while he was traveling, which include a pen, a key chain, and a necklace. Lovely stuff indeed. We spent a while in bed, and then got a delicious brunch (even though it was well past lunch time) at the Boerum Hill Food Co. - a favorite of mine that he had never been to. We came back to the apartment and took a nap, on and off throughout the afternoon. We were going to go to the movies, but a friend of mine invited us to dinner with her brother and sister who were in town visiting this week, and I really wanted to meet them. So off to Joya instead of the movies, where we had a good dinner... however, the Israeli in public was something I had forgotten about. I felt myself getting more and more irritated with his mannerisms that I had so easily forgotten over the past 3 months. Dinner was amazing though, and it seemed to go fairly well, although the Israeli was being... well, Israeli.

After dinner, we came back to the apartment, and my (now ex) roommate was here, trying to finish up some of her packing. Moving is stressful for anyone who is involved, and I asked the Israeli if he would mind taking a ride up to Inwood to help my roommate move her things so she wouldn't have to schlep it on the subway. He was fine with that, and I offered it to my roommate. She declined the offer to help, and maybe there was just too much tension in the air, so the Israeli and I went for a walk to give my roommate some space to clear out what she needed to do. We walked up to the Promenade, and even though it was drizzly and rainy, it was a beautiful night. While I vented out the whole moving process, the Israeli was great. He was understanding, and very supportive of my ranting and raving during the entire walk. We reached the Promenade, and just sat on a bench and enjoyed the views of Manhattan and the Brooklyn Bridge. We walked down to try to get some ice cream at the Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory, but they were closed. We walked back through Brooklyn Heights, peering into some of the amazing brownstones and talking about our dream houses, and what we would do with it all if we had the money to spend. We stopped at McDonald's for some ice cream (the only place left that was open at this hour on a Monday night!), and walked the rest of the way home in the rain.

My roommate was gone when we got back to the apartment, but I was unsettled by how the situation was left between us. Between raging and moping about it, the Israeli was really great the whole night - talking to me in Hebrew (he's trying to teach me some... I'm learning slowly), and joking around. We went to sleep around 2, and the Israeli was going to come to the gym with me this morning. I slept on and off throughout the whole night. After sleeping alone for 3 months, sharing a bed/space takes some getting used to.

I practically had to drag the Israeli out of bed in the morning and to the gym. He had to go on a tour with a consultant as part of the free offer for the gym, but I had to meet with my trainer so I couldn't stay with him. He came over during my session and was fairly awkward in his introduction to my trainer (although no more awkward than he is usually...), so my trainer thinks I can do better. I'm not saying I disagree. By that time this morning, I needed some time to myself. Nearing 24 hours straight with the Israeli, the first thing I said to my trainer in the morning was "I'm ready for him to go home."

The Israeli spent the day at his old job, so I had time to pack. I got almost all of the kitchen packed, and I'm pretty pleased with my progress. If I can do 1 room a day, I will be done by Thursday! I was supposed to be done by the time the Israeli got here, but who am I kidding? I'll be glad to be packed before my brother comes with the truck Saturday morning! The Israeli called to invite me to go to dinner with him and his friend that I met before he left and her husband. I am in no mood for company, and the awkwardness I felt about making them speak English last time because I was there, was still there, so I decided to avoid the awkward situation and have a night to myself. I was definitely irritable with the Israeli before he left to go over there, but I think that's just my general mood these days. He told me he'd be back by 9. I told him if he wasn't back by 9, and if he didn't call me, I wouldn't talk to him for the rest of the time he was here. I have 2 hours to myself, and I plan to spend them in the best way possible. A glass of wine, some loud music, and trashing everything that's left in my kitchen. Exciting.

to be continued...

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

"I'll give you 3 guesses for what could be worse than a 1st date with the Yeah, Yeah guy." This was a text message I sent mid-date on my bad second date with the Yeah, Yeah guy. I was wrong to think that I should look past his social awkwardness and maybe he would warm up after another date. This date was awkward from the get-go and did not ease up one bit over the course of the 5 hours. If anything, the awkwardness intensifies when you realize that it's not getting any better.

The Yeah, Yeah guy sent me an email asking me out for this weekend, originally Saturday, but I had already made plans, so I suggested Friday night. I would have much rather have gone out on Friday than tonight, but this seemed to be the only night that was going to work. I should have just canceled. We made plans to meet up at Union Square to see the Simpson's movie, which I was looking forward to seeing, and did thoroughly enjoy. It's bad when you can fill enough conversation to last through that little bit of time when you are waiting for the movie to start, right? It was bad, but I was hoping we could at least make some sort of small talk. No... I would ask lots of questions, and he would respond, and sometimes follow it up with a "what about you?" But he didn't generate any of his own questions. And I don't believe it was because he was uninterested in me; I do believe it's because he may not actually even know how, or it doesn't even occur to him. So, a lot of the conversation ended with me shaking my head at something he said, waiting for him to follow up with something... and then a few minutes of silence until I could comment on something or ask him something else.

After the movie (which was a blissful hour and a half where no conversation was needed!), we went across the street and had dinner at Max Brenner: Chocolate by the Bald Man, which was in fact delicious and the highlight of my evening. While we waited for our table, the Yeah Yeah guy went outside to smoke a cigarette (which is when I texted my friend), and I immediately thought that him smoking would be a great out as to giving him a reason why I thought this wasn't going to work. That's pretty bad to be thinking up excuses to tell someone why I don't want to see them again before we're even sat for dinner. It's so Aiden and Carrie for me to be like "I can't date a smoker." But, I really don't like dating smokers, and I don't want to have to tell this guy that he's too socially awkward (and I have dated LOADS of socially awkward guys, so he must me really awkward) and makes me uncomfortable. Smoking seems like an easy out. Dinner was ok, dessert was most delicious (although the conversation sucked throughout the entire meal - which kind of makes everything taste a little bit worse). I insisted on splitting the bill with him, because I didn't want to feel like I owed him anything. He walked me to the subway, and I went to give him a hug. I think he may have tried to kiss my cheek, because I heard a strange kissing noise near my ear. I pulled back before there was any contact.

I think the problem with this second date, unlike my second date with other socially awkward guys - like T or D - is that I ran out of things to say. I felt like I had exhausted ALL of my conversation with him from the first date, could find little to pick up on from then, and then had a small bank of conversation to draw from at the beginning of this date. He didn't make any effort to keep up his end of the bargain by at least asking me a question or something that was related to ANYTHING we had talked about last time. So, if he's socially inept enough (which I think he might be) to ask me out a 3rd time, I'll know better.

The Israeli comes back tomorrow! I can't believe it's been 3 months since he left. I can't believe I didn't hook up with a single person the entire time! A whole summer of a few dates, but nothing physical... this way I can tell the Israeli I was saving myself for him.

What's love got to do with it?

I am feeling so conflicted right now. I am in the process of dating and seeing many people in the city, yet I have this connection to the Israeli that makes me want to leave all of that. He's been in contact a lot more in the past few weeks than he has been in the past 2 months. I got an email from him a few days ago where he told me that he wanted to cancel the Canada part of his trip so he could come back to New York and spend more time with me.

He's constantly telling me how much he misses me, and that he can't wait to see me. He was supposed to take a train ride cross country from Seattle to New York, and then spend his last 3 days with me in the city. He has now changed his plans, so he's going to fly into the city 2 and a half days early, and we end up having about 6 days total together. Still, 6 isn't that many. And I feel myself getting more and more attached.

I'm moving out of the city the day he flies home. My brother will come to the city that morning and the Israeli, my brother, and I will move out all of my furniture. This will be my last day, both in New York and with the Israeli, it's kind of fitting. The Israeli will fly out late that night, so we'll have the rest of the day once I'm all moved out. It's nice to have all this closure at once, I just fear that I will be a complete wreck.

We had a strange conversation tonight...
Israeli: i want to use some words...
Israeli: but don't know their effect
Me: i don't know what you mean
Isreali: well...
Isreali: maybe i'll tell you when i'll see you...
Me: hmm. ok. now I'm curious..
Isreali: yeah.. it's a good word... hopefully

and then later....

Isreali: I really really ____ you... so... it was good to know it's true
Me: ______ = miss?
Isreali: you'll have to wait for that one.....

Now, there are only a few words I can think of to fill in that blank. I don't know if I'm ready for what I think it is.

Yeah, Yeah.

After a long week of car trouble, and spending more time than planned at my parent's house (although I guess I should get used to it... moving back there in a few weeks seems less appealing every day.), I finally managed to make it back to the city today and to go on a date.

I met this guy through match.com, and I believe I made the initial contact with him. It was a long time ago, I remember - I think I may have sent him a wink. He was attractive, and a children's librarian. Why not? So, we started emailing (and I swear this has been going for at least a month), but then I went to Vegas, and then he went to Maryland, and we couldn't find any common time. Tonight - at last - we met up for coffee (at the same cafe that I went to with the acupuncturist on one of our few dates). I thought the conversation would have gone a bit smoother, we should have had a lot to talk about. We both went to Rutgers - and we both transferred there from smaller schools in other states - and we're both librarians. That should be common ground enough.

We did have a long lengthy chat about Harry Potter. But I feel like I have to censor myself whenever I talk about the latest HP because I was talking about it with a friend on the train the other day, and we were talking about the ending, and I said "Oh in that part where ______ dies??" (Note: this is not a spoiler. You all know SOMEONE is going to die.) but on the train, I actually said the character's name. The woman sitting next to my friend was reading HP, and I could have potentially ruined it for her. I blame my friend for asking an unspecific enough question, but yes... I should've known better. So, long story, I just felt like I kept whispering when I would talk about all the "spoiler" parts of the book. It was an interesting conversation though. So as the librarian and I (or as the NY Times would call him, a "guybrarian") chatted, I realized that when he was engaged in the conversation he was very well spoken and intelligent, and I enjoyed our conversation. When I was talking about something unrelated to a topic he could really contribute to, or when I went off on a tangent (never!), his reply constantly was "Yeah, yeah." Sometimes it was a triplicate yeah. But there were a lot of yeahs being dropped.

I know it's important to show someone that you are paying attention, but this wasn't that kind of "yeah." This would come at the end of something I had said, and although not everything I say warrants a response, but SOME of the things I say do! I felt like I was constantly ending conversations on his "Yeah, yeah" and not know where to restart it, so I would ask an inane question or start another rambling monologue only to be followed up by a yeah.

We did manage to fill two hours of conversation, and then we decided it was time to leave. I didn't even get to see what he had been wearing until he stood up to go pay the bill (he had been sitting at the outdoor table when I arrived). There was an orange t-shirt (which looked fine and normal from the seated position - I'd even go as far as to say cute even), tucked into off white pants of a strange texture. I'd say they looked like corduroy texture, but not as heavy. Maybe a summer corduroy, do they make that? And belted, of course. Nothing completes a casual t shirt, white pant look better than a belt. But I think, clothes aside, he wasn't very comfortable in his own body. At least he didn't appear to be. He is really tall, like 6'3" or maybe 6'4" even, and gangly. He reminded me of my 15 year old cousin who just had a growth spurt and doesn't know how to work his arms and legs yet.

He walked me to the train, and on the way he asked me if I liked the Simpsons. I replied that I do, and he asked me if I had seen the movie yet, which I haven't. I really didn't see this as a set up for a second date, but I was wrong. He then said, well that sounds like a good idea for a second meeting. I gave him a very awkward hug which I think started out as a handshake, and then I wished him a happy birthday (it's his birthday tomorrow) and we parted ways.

Thinking about it, I wouldn't mind seeing him again. Actually I'd like to see if he loosens up after a few dates. He seems like he could be really cool once you get past the awkwardness. Yeah?

What do you value?

My friend and I flew home from Vegas Thursday night, and arrived early Friday morning, east coast time. During the flight, we boarded last, we couldn't find seats next to each other, so we had to sit across the isle from one another. This is fine, I had my new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows to read, I was ready for a long plane ride to keep to myself. I sat next to what looked like a nice enough couple, and said hello. The woman saw me pull out my Harry Potter book and told me she had just finished reading it, and she loved it. The man, who I had yet to realize was not 100% there, repeated exactly the same thing his wife (?) had just said, except slower with a more affected speech, which at first I couldn't tell if it was just an accent.

His wife was very sweet and let me borrow her book light when it turned out my overhead light wasn't working. The man on the other hand continued to be creepy. He would sit there, sometimes with his sunglasses on, and just stare at me. He saw that my friend was engaged and asked her when she was getting married. She replied that the wedding was next summer, and his follow up question to that was "How big?" Any normal person would think he meant how big of a wedding, but no... he meant how big was the stone in her ring. And then he lost interest and went back to staring.

At one point the flight got a little bumpy, and I'm a bad flier. I was talking to my friend and then went back to my book. He was staring again, and I made the mistake of making eye contact. He was just staring at me, I got flustered and dropped the book light on the floor, he helped pick it up... and then the following conversation ensued (with no segue or pre-cursor), word for word... .
Creepy Man: What do you value? (keep in mind there is little to no inflection in his voice, and he's staring at me the ENTIRE time)
E: What?
CM: What do you value?
E: Um, do you mean like, in life?
CM: Yes.
E: Uh... (pause) I don't know, like family, friends, and happiness...? (My REAL answer is obviously sex, drugs, and money.)
CM: No.
E: That's wrong?
CM: Are you going to heaven?
E: (at this point, I'm wondering how crazy this man is, and if he's going to try to kill me on the plane, I look desperately at my friend who is trying very hard not to laugh) Um, I hope so. I guess... I think I'm a good person...
CM: If you follow these steps, you will make it to heaven. (he reaches into his fanny pack - oh yeah baby - and pulls out 2 little pamphlets about finding God)
E: (Handing one to my now near hysterical friend, taking the other pamphlet for myself) Oh. Awesome, Thanks.
CM: This is the ONLY way. All people are sinners unless they follow these steps. I know I am going to heaven. The only way you will know is if you follow these steps.
E: Yeah, Ok. That's great. (Quickly re-immersed myself in Harry Potter for the remainder of the flight.)

I had to keep the pamphlet for the entire time, because I didn't want him to see me throw it away. I used it as a bookmark for my Harry Potter book for the remainder of the time I was reading it. I like the irony.

During the landing, I made the mistake of trying to look out the window (I was on the aisle, so that meant I had to look past creepy man), but I made a point NOT to make eye contact. Did not matter. He was staring at me while I was looking at the window, and just said, "what?" I was flustered and really didn't want to talk to him at all anymore, so I just said, "I'm just looking at the window." and turned away. We disembarked quickly thereafter, and I managed any more awkward conversations with the creepiest man ever.

His wife, didn't say a word - the entire flight. She read for most of it, and if she did talk to her husband, it wasn't loud enough for me to hear. We talked about Harry Potter for a bit right when we landed because she wanted to know how far I was - and I obviously thanked her for allowing me to use her book light. I couldn't imagine a stranger pair.

August already? How did this happen? I have exactly 25 more days that I will be living in NYC. That's right... and my goal is have at least 5 more dates before I move. 3 are in the works, 2 shouldn't be too hard to plan. There's always craigslist.

Must Try Harder

My roommate says I'm not trying to date this summer. I'm not putting myself out there. And possibly waiting around for 3 days with the Israeli. She's right. I must try harder.

It's been nearly 2 months since a blog about the Israeli, but he has not been off the map entirely. I would've hoped in 2 months time, I would feel differently than I did on the day that he left... but the feelings are still rather strong, and confusing. The Israeli is currently in Peru... and I'm jealous of that in itself. The bad thing about technology and things like myspace and facebook, is that while they allow you to keep up on friends' lives and see what's going on... It can hurt like hell if you find out that way that a guy you may or may not still have feelings for is with someone else.

I thought this was the case a few weeks ago. I was on facebook, and decided to look at the Israeli's page. He had a message on his wall from some girl, and this already irritated me. I of course couldn't see anything on her page, but I tried nonetheless. We had very little contact, the Israeli and I, when he was on the west coast, before he left for Peru. Maybe 2 phone calls, and some text messages and that's it. When he got to Peru, he emailed me and we talking online for a little bit, but there were minimal conversations happening. In my mind, this was over, and I should probably be trying harder to get over him. About a week ago, I saw that the Israeli had changed his relationship status on Facebook to a relationship but it just says "it's complicated" instead of saying that he's in a relationship. Now in my mind, a million possibilities occurred to me. 1) He met someone down there. That surely would be complicated. 2) He got back together with his ex from Israel. I'm not sure why I thought this at all. He had not mentioned her at all, he does have pictures of her up in his profile, but as far as I know they haven't had much communication in the year that he's been here, and they were broken up a while before he came. But irrational minds think irrational things... that's just what mine thought. 3) He meant me. This was lowest on my realm of possibility, but I guess since we had been emailing a bit more in the week leading up to it, I thought there was a chance. I thought the first two were much more likely.

He sends me an email 2 days ago. I had asked him if when he came back to New York, if he was planning on staying here. In his email (which was subjected: Yes!!! - ha), he replied "if by here, you mean with you... " and goes on to tell me that he does want to stay with me when he comes to New York, and that he misses me so much. He also feels the need to tell me that he hasn't slept with anyone since he's been traveling - and he doesn't plan to. He says this is an inner-peace journey for himself, and he doesn't want to sleep with anyone except me apparently, before he goes back to Israel. Of course, when I read this I am relieved and glad to hear that he hasn't been with anyone else while he's been away. But a part of me is angry, not at him, but at myself, because I automatically then think - well of course, I won't sleep with anyone either until he gets back. And thus, closing myself off to a lot of possibility for the summer. I have a month until he comes back, and a lot can happen in a month's time. I have about 5 guys that I've been emailing trying to plan dates with for when I get back from Vegas... and I found myself wondering, should I not go out with them? Of course not, and I am going to try to get together with these guys, but... come August 22nd, I have other plans... So these dates will have to be dates just for dating sake. Which is fine, that's what most of my dates were last summer, I just don't feel like my heart is really in it anymore. The same day he sent me the email, he changed his relationship status. He's no longer in a "complicated relationship" and now there is no status for his relationship. He's not single, not taken, not complicated. I know I shouldn't base a feature on facebook to determine my feelings, but where there is so little contact to begin with, you take what you can get. And whatever this relationship is, one thing is for sure... it is complicated.

In other news, my laptop died the other night. My hard drive literally ate itself, or something equally as unpleasant. I had a final for grad school due the next day at midnight - all my work was on that computer. Remember Mr. Persistent? Well, he's still being persistent, but... did I also mention that he's also getting his PhD in computer science? Boring to hear about on a date, but a life saver when you need computer help. He literally saved me from having a nervous breakdown. Mr. P stayed up until 2am trying to help me fix my computer (which did not happen), and at the very least recover the information that I needed for my assignment. I promised I'd take him to dinner when I got back. So, while I don't look at that as a date... I'm sure he will.

I'm off to Vegas for a week, and shall return to the city at the end of July. Maybe there will be some fun stories to tell from Sin City, but as I'm going with my parents and my very engaged best friend... it might not be likely.

Safety

Last night brought me back to days of college, where stupidity ran rampant, and there was no consequence for behavior that clearly should have some repercussions.

Last night I didn't not go on a date, but it was so strange, I felt it deserved writing about. I went out with a friend last night to celebrate her getting a new job (away from the hell we both taught in for the past two years!). It was a long crazy night, including a lot of traveling and subsequent drinking. We started out in Brooklyn, not too far from my apartment, to see a band of my friend's sister's friend play. It was a good way to start the evening off, but we did not stay long.

We went to LES to go to a party of my friend's friend's ex-coworker (yes, this is how the night went, everyone was connected through someone else...), and there was a 10 dollar cover to sit on the roof, which we payed, and over-priced drinks. I told her that this was her payback for the jdate party, because this party - while the people weren't as strange - sucked just as bad. We got stuck talking to the world's most boring guy, and I couldn't even begin to tell you what we talked about. I know he asked us kind of in an accusatory manner as to what we did all summer, I stopped paying attention not long after that. Although, I'm sure I made an awesome impression as well when I spilled a good portion of my beer on him. I wasn't too concerned, he needed a reason to go home and change. He and his friend were wearing matching (although different colors) Izod polo shirts. It was so weird.

We didn't stay too long at the party, long enough for one drink, me to spill it on someone, and to have a boring conversation that felt like an eternity. My friend's other friends from Israel were coming to the LES for drinks, and we decided to meet up with them. We left the boring, crowded bar we were at and proceeded deeper into the LES. We arrived at the bar about 20 minutes before her friends arrived. We tried sitting outside, but the bar had to close their outdoor garden at 1am, due to noise and neighbors. So we got pushed back inside, and we were heading to sit at a table, but a man who was behind us somehow got there first. There was room for 4 or 5 people to sit at the table, and he was just sitting there by himself. He saw us looking at the table, and invited us to come sit there. I'm sure he would've left if we asked him to, but at that point it was just me and my friend, so there was no need.

He strikes up a conversation with us, and I'm not really sure what he's saying because A) it's really loud in the bar - like too loud to hear anything and B) he had a heavy accent, which I think was Italian. He's talking to us, and offers to buy us a drink. We politely decline, but continue talking to him. After a while, he says that he's going to buy us drinks, so what do we want. At that point we let him buy us drinks. He comes back with not just the drinks, but with 3 cute guys in tow. At this moment, of course, my friend's friends show up, so there is a flurry of activity. The old man is trying to introduce us to the guys he brought over for us to talk to, and my friend is introducing me to her friends (also both guys) who just showed up, and all of the suddenly our table feels crowded. I thought that the man would leave once our friends showed up. But he didn't. He was talking to another friend for a little bit, and one of the guys he brought over slid right into his seat next to me, and struck up a conversation. One of his other friends sat next to my friend and talked to her for a bit. The guy I was talking to was young, though I couldn't tell how young, early 20s, maybe 24 at the oldest. He was there with his two friends from high school, and he was friends with the old guy because apparently the old guy was his jazz mentor. The young guy excused himself for a moment, and then the old guy came back and sat in his seat. I was interested to hear more about his jazz, but it was so hard to hear him, I felt rude asking him to keep repeating himself. I should have talked to my friend and her friends, but they were having a conversation in Hebrew, and as I could barely understand the English that was being spoken around, Hebrew wasn't going to do me any good. The young guy came back, and instead of taking his seat back from the old guy, he sat in between us, forcing me to move over to a seat closer to my friend. Fine by me, I needed some space between me and the old guy, he was starting to touch my hand when he talked to me, and it was beginning to creep me out.

The young guy invited my friends and me to go to an after-hours dance party, at some club down the road. I asked my friend if she wanted to go, and she said she would go if I wanted to. At that point, the young guy was cute and very flirty with me, so of course I wanted to go. I told them we'd go, but figured since it was only 2am and the bar hadn't closed yet, we wouldn't be leaving any time soon. My friend's friends did NOT like these guys. And rightfully so, they were strange guys, and the old guy was definitely creepy. When the young guy went to go talk to his friends, the old guy moved into the seat next to me again, and he kept touching me - either on my hand or my back, and he was undeniably looking down my shirt when he thought I wasn't looking or didn't notice. I kept pulling it up, but to no avail, he was not deterred.

When the time came for us to go to the after party dance club, I was not sure that my friend really wanted to go, so I wasn't going to force her. Her friends were adamant that we did not go with these guys, and we could find a place to go dancing just the four of us. They didn't like that they wouldn't give us the address of the place we were going, so we could just meet them there. The young guy I was talking to was insisting that we go with him. He was starting to get creepy. We were indecisive for a long time, and the young guy and the old guy were finally like, we're going, see you later. So they left the bar, and we decided we'd go outside to figure out what we'd do next and if we'd try to find a place to go dancing. As we were getting up to leave, young guy comes back in the bar, and sees us leaving, and comes over to me. He tries to hold my hand, which I quickly pull back from him. We stand outside the bar with the young guy and one his friends. Young guy tries to get my friend and I to get into the old guy's car. My friend's friend nearly looses his cool at the thought of that, there is no way in hell he was going to let us get into that car with a creepy old man and 3 guys we don't know. The young guy agrees that we can go to a bar that's closer so that we don't have to drive there, but when we say that we're going to walk over, he says no. At this point, it's just ridiculous. We decide to go to a closer bar, and if they want to join us they can drive over there, but we're not getting in the car. friend agrees with us that we should not get into their car, and that he'll walk over to the bar with us.
The young guy's friend agrees with us that we should not get into this strange guy's car, and he will walk over with us. He goes over to find out where the exact location of the bar is, and the next thing we know, the car has driven off, three young and one creepy old guy in tow.

We all just looked at each other and cracked up. In hindsight, going with those guys would have been incredibly stupid. The rest of our night was non-descript but fun. We were turned away from a club because one of the guys was wearing sandals, and we wandered around the east village to no avail. We ended up getting a slice of pizza and the guys went home. My friend and I sat on a bench outside the pizza place for a while and decided that we should have gone with the other guys. It would've been fun, although getting into their car would've been incredibly creepy. I guess we may have saved ourselves from a brush with disaster, but we'll never know.

Signs.

In the olden days (what really are the olden days?) and mostly in folklore, people believed that omens were sent through objects, animals, and even insects. I'm not a superstitious person, but I think someone might be trying to send me a message... and it comes in the form of a cockroach.

In my 2+ years living in my apartment, I have seen exactly 2 cockroaches in this place. One was the night I had my first double header, and the second was tonight. And tonight I just so happened to have my FIRST double header of the summer. Now I know, it's the summer, I live in the city, and I probably should have done those dishes in the sink a few days ago... but what kind of sign is it that when ONLY on nights that I go out with more than one guy in one night, cockroaches appear in my apartment?

How these dates came about... well, today was an absolutely gorgeous day in the city. Breezy, in the 70s, low 80s, and MUCH too beautiful to be stuck indoors doing grad school work, which is exactly what I had planned. I decided I needed to go out, and what better way to go out than on a date?? So I posted a quick ad on craigslist, and the responses came pouring in (ok, maybe not pouring but there were about 30 or so in the first half an hour...) So, I chose three to respond to of the initial response, and of the three I responded to, 2 responded to my email. So, I had two dates in the works, but I was sure that one of them was going to bail on the actual meeting part. Not everyone is ok with meeting someone the same day you start talking to them. So, I kept it up with both.. and neither bailed. Suddenly I had two dates for drinks, very close to each other. The first guy was coming from Brooklyn, so I knew he'd get here first. The other was coming all the way from central jersey (where he works...) so, I figured with traffic, by the time he got here, I'd be finishing drinks with date #1, and ready for #2.

Date #1 took the train over from Williamsburg, and the G was running a bit slower than usual today (which is really bad, because the G sucks to begin with...), and I had promised him (as a way to get him to come to my neighborhood, to save me time between dates!) that if the G took more than 5 minutes to come, the first drink was on me. It clearly took a while, and I wanted to be true to my word... so I did indeed buy the drinks. Anyway, getting ahead of myself. We met up at the subway station, and walked half a block over to a trendy Peruvian restaurant for drinks. Oh, did I mention that he was cute? Really really cute. Not so much MY type of cute, but very boyishly good looking. We sat out in the back patio, and I had a mojito and he had a Peruvian beer. I felt really cool that I could suggest what kind of Peruvian beer was good, because he asked if I knew (and I do!) but the place didn't have any... bummer. We talked for a good hour or so, and I couldn't tell if he was interested or not. Regardless, my phone rang not too long into the date. My second date had somehow managed to come through Staten Island and Brooklyn during rush hour on the ONE day where there is no traffic. Sure enough, if I have to be somewhere in Brooklyn and I'm driving through Staten Island and Brooklyn, there will be an accident and loads of traffic, but no, when I WANT there to be traffic, to buy me a little time, there is none. I politely excused myself from my current date, and answered my phone to find that my second date was merely seconds away from parking the car and getting to where I was supposed to meet him. I told him I'd be right there, and then continued to talk and finish my drink with my first date.

I felt REALLY bad, for both of the guys at that point. Date #1 I was cutting really short because I told him that a friend had just called me unexpectedly and was in from out of town, and I felt like I should go see him. He was gracious enough (hell, I paid for his drink, why should he care?), but again, I don't think he's interested, and if anything maybe we'll hang out again as friends. Date #2 I felt badly for because he must have been waiting for me for a good 20 minutes. Yeah, that makes me later than I think is acceptable - and I have been known to be very late before.

I hug Date #1 goodbye, and point him in the direction of his train, and call Date #2 before I'm even across the street to assure him that I am in fact on my way. So, I show up for my second date, and he too is cute, but in a more non-conventional way. He's shorter than me for one (but he did tell me that prior to meeting him), and just smaller in stature - basically smaller than me, which usually makes me uncomfortable, but I wasn't. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek as soon as I showed up, and didn't say a word about how long I had kept him waiting. We walked around my neighborhood to find a good bar, and ended up pretty close to where I was for date 1, but at a wine bar just down the block. We sat and had a glass of wine (and he didn't criticize my choice of wine!), and had about 2 hours of good conversation. Conversationally, he was very uninhibited, one of the first things he said to me when we sat down was that I was very pretty. I'm not used to receiving compliments like that on a first date, but I'll take it. The conversation was good and very easy, and I think we both felt very comfortable around each other. The conversation turned first-date inappropriate at some point when the topic of past partners came up, and because it was where the conversation was leading.... he asked me how many guys I'd been with - which is a topic I usually avoid because I'm prone to lie. Not because my number is high, I just never really kept track. I told him the truth... and I'm not sure why. I felt really comfortable with him - and I'm certain he felt the same. He's definitely not the type of guy I am typically attracted to, but none the less, I was attracted. He's older than I would like (32), shorter than I would like, smaller than I would like... but all that aside - I still liked him.

We parted ways after we finished our wine, and I gave him directions on how to get back to the tunnel (did I mention he lives in Jersey - something else I don't like!), and we separated with a hug and a quick kiss on the lips (but no more romantic than the initial kiss on the cheek). He called me before he even was out of Brooklyn... I thought at first he must be lost, but no, he was just waiting at the light, and wanted to tell me that he had a good time. He asked if I was home yet, but I had stopped at the diner to pick up a salad for dinner (drinking + dating + no food = NO GOOD). His immediate response was, "I wish you had told me you were hungry, I thought you had already eaten, I would have taken you to dinner!" At which point, I had to assure him that I wasn't in fact hungry on the date, but did need to eat dinner or else would feel rather ill tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I will hear from him again, in fact I'd be pretty surprised if I did not.

The cockroach may be a omen of things to come... but looking at my dating record AFTER the cockroach last summer, it seemed to help things along. Maybe it's not so bad after all.

2 for 1

So I'm behind in life in general. Behind in school work, behind in catching up with friends, and in turn, behind on these blog posts.

I have 2 dates to blog about, but the first was so short, it's hardly worth even writing about.


Sunday, June 24th

I had a few brief exchanges and one phone call with this guy prior to the Sunday brunch date. He was Jewish and from Argentina, and on paper - really appealing. He's lived in America for 13 years, so I didn't really have to worry about another situation like the Israeli (which is another story all together!), and I was looking forward to meeting him.

We decided to meet up Sunday morning for a brunch/wine date. This worked well for me since we were meeting on the Upper West Side, and I had to be at my friend's picnic in Central Park at 2, so there was an out for me if I needed it after 2 hours.

We met up at 12:30 instead of noon because he had texted me asking if I could meet up with him later, which was fine for me, because as usual, I was running late. The subway ride up to the date was by far the best part of the date to mention. There was a crazy guy in the car going up and down the car, preaching about God and saying that he was a true Jew (note: he was black, I've known black jews before, but I don't think he was like them...) and everyone else is going to hell - basically. There was a Hasidic jew in the car as well, who of course, couldn't keep his mouth shut, and had to argue back with the crazy guy. I know very well that the best tactic with crazy people on the subway is to ignore them, regardless if you agree or disagree with them. You'll never be able to reason sensibly with them, so no point in getting worked up. Apparently, the Hasidic jew does not believe this either (and maybe making him equally as crazy) and they were fighting, back and forth about who was a real jew. Awesome. The best part was the cute guy sitting across from me, that I got to smile and roll my eyes at due to the situation at hand.

Back to the date - I leave the subway, and walk over to the wine bar. It was a beautiful day, and it was a nice place to sit and have a glass of wine. I got a glass of rosé wine, which I thought was a nice summer brunch option, and my date immediately criticizes my choice in wine. "I don't like rosés," he says. As if I would care. "That's a shame," I replied, "they are a good alternative to a heavy red when the weather is so warm. And they're not as light as a white." Hmm.. that got him. The conversation from there got worse. I can't remember what we talked about, only that I was bored. After only an hour of sitting there, drinking my "less than acceptable" choice of wine, I was ready to go. I pulled the picnic excuse out earlier than I had planned at 1:30, and we parted ways.

He sent me an email - 2 days later - saying how I was intelligent and a great conversationalist, but he didn't feel any real connection. Really? I can't imagine why not.

Thursday, June 28th

Summer started officially for me June 27th around 4 when I left my school (in hell) for the very last time! School's out, and of course, what a better way to start off my summer than with a date?? This guy had contacted me through Jdate, and had been persistently trying to get me to go out with him for a few weeks. Because of my busy schedule, I had been postponing it as long as possible... that, and I didn't really think it would be that great of a date.

After spending a glorious day with one of my friends - at the beach, getting pedicures, and having a great dinner - I finally agreed to meet up with Mr. Persistent later on in the evening. It's summer, and I had nothing to do the next day.

We met up at a local bar near my apartment (the one I went to with my trainer the week before) for a quick drink (or so I thought...). At first impression, I thought I had been transported back to late nineties grunge from high school. He was wearing a plaid shirt unbuttoned over a white t-shirt, and khaki baggy pants, his hair was long and parted in the middle. Seriously, I didn't think people still dressed themselves this way. To make matters worse the bar was playing ONLY alternative rock from the nineties. It was some XM radio station, that he knew, and was telling me all about. I felt like I had been transported back to high school, 1996-style.

Drinks were fine, I had a wonderful summer wheat beer, and he had dinner and a drink. He talked a lot about technology, and computers, which I don't really need to talk about outside of doing work for my tech class. I tend to look around when I talk to people, especially if I'm bored, and if the person I'm talking to has a slight (and by slight, I mean really obvious) tic which is distracting when I'm trying to talk.... Mr. Persistent didn't like that, and kept asking me if he was that boring that I had to keep looking at other things. I wanted to say, yes!

Things got interesting when somehow the topic of high school came up. Turns out, Mr. Persistent went to Midwood HS. I do some quick math and figure out that he indeed would have graduated the same time as my ex from last year. So I casually ask him if he knows my ex - to which he replies - "hmm, skinny red headed kid?" Yup. That's him. The conversation proceeds about the ex and how I know him (interesting conversation), which leads to me telling Mr. Persistent about my ex's comedy routine and how I know for a fact that it's all a lie. See, my ex's premise for his comedy routine is that he's a 28 y/o virgin (appealing, no?), which I know, for a fact, is completely false. It may have been true up until he was 26 (as far as I know), but apparently he can't come up with any new material. So he's keeping up the front that he's a virgin, even though he's not. This probably was not a conversation that my date wanted to be having with me, but I did not care at that point. I had very little to say to him in the first place, I would take any common ground I could find.

Around midnight, the bar was closing, and we were suddenly the last people other than the people who worked there in the bar. I was hoping for a quick goodbye outside the bar, and a quick walk home, getting to bed not long after midnight. My date, being persistent, tells me that he'll walk me to my apartment. I don't want this guy to see where I live, so I tell him I'm actually going to my car to move it for alternate side parking. Undeterred, he tells me that he'll walk me to my car. So he does. We linger outside my car for a while, a lot longer than I would have liked. And I can't remember for the life of me what we actually talked about for that time. But I do know that by the time he left, I moved my car, and got back into my apartment it was nearing 2 am. I knew I'd hear from him, sooner rather than later, but he was going away for the weekend, I thought that would buy me some time. Wrong, as usual, he texts me the very next day as he's driving upstate and is stuck in traffic. His text message was strange, and it was something like, Driving upstate - stuck in traffic, so I'll talk to you later. I didn't respond because the text didn't warrant a response. That and I didn't want to encourage him anymore than spending 4 hours with him the night before already had. He's still been contacting me, a week later, and I've been responding with minimal communication, and I'm always quick to end the conversation. I have a limited time left in the city and it is not to be wasted on repeat bad dates.

Party People

I don't know how to write this without offending my best friend (or rather - offending her friends), but I have to do this Jdate party justice. Last Saturday I had plans to go to a Jdate party with Debbie. Saturday turned into a busy day of dinner plans, then going to a friend's bar to pick up cupcakes for a picnic the next day, then dropping off the cupcakes at another friend's apartment (so I don't have to cart 21 cupcakes from the UES to the UWS back to Brooklyn and then back to the UWS - instead they just went from the UES to the UWS.) Anyway, when I brought the cupcakes over to my friends apartment to leave them there overnight, I somehow managed to talk her into coming to this Jdate party with me. I failed to mention to her that there would not be the coolest people there, nor anyone she might be interested in dating - because then why would she come with me? I also failed to tell her that there was a $5 cover to get in, and no drink specials... So I paid her cover - what a good friend I am. Ha.

We walk in, and she's already not happy. She turns to me and says, "You've got to be kidding me." I laugh and just push her through the crowd of middle aged Jewish online daters. I noticed that the guy I went on the Dim Sum date with last summer was definitely there, and I made a point to not recognize him.

My friend and I are standing at the bar waiting to get drinks, when a guy gets on the microphone to make an announcement about someone but clearly does not use a normal name, it's some kind of code name. I turn to my friend and say, "oh I forgot to tell you... they refer to everyone here by their jdate names." My friend's response can only be described as a look that was meant to say, "I'm going to kill you for this." I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders, and continued to drink my (overpriced and bad) wine. There also was a guy (and I only know he's a guy because Debbie told me so) video taping the entire thing, and he is easily the most androgynous person I've ever seen. It was creepy and definitely disturbing to think there might be proof that we were at that party! There were lots of couples there, making out or groovin' on the dance floor. My friend turns to me and says, this reminds me of how my grandma always told me there's a match for everyone. I agree, my grandfather always told me "there's a lid for every pot." This party confirmed these ideals for me.

We danced for a little bit (only when the video camera was focused somewhere else), and got the DJ to play Walk it Out (in honor of our last days in Bed-Stuy), which was quite possibly the only saving grace of the evening. After being there for probably less than an hour, we left.

When my friend was describing the party at the picnic the next day, she could not find the words to describe it as accurately as she would like. She just kept saying that it was 10x worse than she could have imagined. I didn't feel like this really did the party justice, or accurately described it. I did my best by describing it as such: When you're on an online dating site, there are still people who say to you, why are YOU dating online, I mean, YOU'RE not desperate. No one ever said that to these people. These people (with the exception of Debbie and a few of her more normal friends...) are the type of people that online dating was MADE for.

Appearance wise... there were a lot of short, balding jewish men and a lot jewish girls with large boobs prominently displayed all over the place. There was plenty of booty shaking, bumpin' and grindin', the kind of dancing that should not be done by people with all the elements working against them - be it height, weight, hair loss, gravity - it was NOT a pretty sight. But I was a few drinks deep, and didn't really care. If it makes them happy - so be it. These party people know how to get down and dirty, who am I care?

It was fun. Almost.