Long Time, No Post

It's been a while since I've even thought about writing anything about my relationship with Mr. Perfect. 7 months ago today was Valentine's Day. I didn't have a boyfriend then, and I remember I went to the gym that night. It was empty with the exception of those who were working and had to be there, and those of us who were single. I was single, and enjoying dating, and had a bunch of dates lined up for that weekend. I was happy with the status quo. I didn't think much about not having a boyfriend at the time, and my students were deeply interested in the relationship with my supervisor which was looking less and less appealing to me with every interaction. That is where I was 7 months ago today. 7 months ago tomorrow... I had the lowest expectations for that night's date of all the dates I had lined up. He seemed too needy, overly interested, like he just wanted a girlfriend. I sent my friend a text right before the date that said something along the lines of "want to hang out later? Have a date @ 6, but don't think it will last too long!"

Over the past 7 months, I've thought a lot about my initial misconceptions about my boyfriend. Do I think at the time he was interested in having a girlfriend? Yes, he wanted a connection with someone, and didn't enjoy the whole dating scene nearly as much as I had over the past 3 years. He had been single for 3 years, just about the same as me. And try as he might, he couldn't find what he was looking for in a girlfriend. He knew he wanted that connection, but couldn't understand why it wasn't happening. He was tired of dating, and ready for something to work out. I on the other hand, was avoiding that connection. I had found it in some, and sought out guys who were looking for less than a committed relationship before this one. Dating emotionally handicapped men, guys just out of relationships whose exes I knew, foreigners, guys with girlfriends, you name it, I was dating unavailable men. I thought I was looking for a relationship, but I was looking for excuses to have them not work out. There were times I was upset but it wasn't so much about the relationship and I was always excited to get back into the dating scene as soon as possible. So, maybe I judged Mr. Perfect too harshly in my initial opinions of his behavior. He was just someone who knew what he wanted, and wasn't afraid to put it out there. He wasn't playing a game, he never made me wonder if he was interested from the start. From day one he has always returned every phone call, text message, email as necessary. I've never been left wondering if he's all of the sudden not interested. He's exactly what every girl claims they want when they whine and moan about dating and the games men play. My boyfriend is a very literal person, and takes things at face value. He listens to people when they talk, and he believes people when they say, "I want a guy who doesn't play games...blah, blah, blah" I thought I meant that and wanted that all along, but I don't think I did while I was dating in the city. I criticized him for doing exactly what I said I wanted, and in the end, I'm the lucky one.

7 months ago tomorrow, at 11 pm, my 5 hour first date with Mr. Perfect ended. There have been wonderful times, and we've had some trouble over the past 7 months. Our relationship is in no way, shape or form, perfect. Like all healthy relationships, we fight. We argue, and make up. There are times we irritate each other, times I don't want to see him or talk to him, but that never lasts for very long. He supports me, and loves me, and I can't believe I was ever so foolish to think that he was anything other than perfect, 100%, for me.

Crazy

I'm adjusting to having a boyfriend all the time now. Like one who comes to family events like this, one who my mom feels comfortable enough to ask to come clean the garage this weekend... But yet, after years and years of dating and disappointments, I feel like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting for him to just not return a text message, or disappear completely. This is unfair to him that I take out my neurosis on him.... yet, I can't seem to help it. Tonight, he was sweet and wonderful with my family, and kind of shy and quiet too. Which is fine, we've only been dating for 3 months, I'd be worried if he were overly comfortable too. But part of me felt like he was closed off to me tonight, and I started to get upset, which of course led to a weird conversation in the parking lot... I'm glad he came out. He usually plays this game on Tuesdays, and he gave up his group to be with me and my family tonight. Of course, if he hadn't I would've faulted him that I'm sure... Rational me knows I have the best thing I could ever ask for, but there's a part of me that is crazy. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him, and other times I feel like I can do better. Which, I can't. Regardless, I do think it's high time I got over these things that have been weighing on me, and I just start enjoying the wonderful and caring person I have to be with. If only it were as easy to do as it is to say.

The Little Things

So, I know I said I was taking a break... but I posted this elsewhere over the weekend, and as it is relevant to my relationship, I'll post it here for those of you who still check. I guess that's how it will go for now, if I post something about my relationship with Mr. Perfect in another place, and it's relevant to here... I'll post it. I don't know how often that will be, and it may be edited for content - but it's something.

How much do the little things in life matter?

I was out tonight with Mr. Perfect and some friends, and it was a good time. He seemed to be really enjoying himself and didn't have any trouble making conversation with either of my friends. He has been with out with them twice before, so maybe the third time is the charm? I could tell he was having a really good time, but I was really tired. I wasn't as into the conversations as the rest of them were and really I just wanted to go home and go to sleep. We've spent every day this week together since Tuesday, and I slept at his place every night except Thursday. Tomorrow will be the first day in 5 that I won't see him. There has been a lot going on and I'm really glad that he's been a part of it, but tomorrow is my best friend's bridal shower, so there is a lot to be done. We were driving home from the the outing, and a song I really like but don't hear that often came on the radio. I was singing along to it, not loudly, but audibly. Out of nowhere, Mr. Perfect changes the radio station in the middle of the song. I was slightly hurt, but thought maybe he didn't realize that I liked it. I said to him, hey I really liked that song. And his response? "Yeah, I could tell." but kept it on the other station. I was stinging at that point from that response, so when he reached over to hold my hand, I didn't offer it. He could tell I was upset, but didn't turn the radio station back until the song he wanted to listen to was over. I'm not trying to pick a fight with him over the fact that he changed the radio station, in his own car, but it made me start wondering if this could be a small indication on how he will be on other matters. He deliberately changed something that I was enjoying for something that he could enjoy more, with no thought for me at all. Yes, it's small, and if I really wanted to listen to the song, I could go download it in my own time... but that's not really the point. The point is how this could translate into larger matters... like, tv shows, movie choices, possible dinner selections? :) I'm trying to be light hearted, because after the fact, I realize it's pretty trivial.

He text messaged me not long after he got home, and said he was worried I was mad about the radio thing which means he noticed. And I just called him and talked to him about it, and all is worked out.... but it's still the littlest things that make all the difference. It's hard being in a relationship with someone, it's hard to get used to new nuances and quirks, the way someone else's habits clash with your own. It's something I'm learning, after a long time of just doing my own thing, and realizing that as I'm 5 years older than I was in my last long term serious relationship, it's a lot harder to adapt to someone else.

A Break

So most of you have probably noticed the lack of blogging. There has been much going on with Mr Perfect, but oddly enough, I can't find the words that can best express emotion or feeling. For now I'm calling it quits here. I know in the past this has been the kiss of death in terms of relationships. As soon as I say I'm going to stop blogging, the relationship goes horribly wrong and then here I am, back in full swing only a few weeks later. So we'll see. There have been some rough patches with Mr. P, and I very well could be back here before I know it.

But for now good readers, I bid you adieu, and good reading. Sorry for the lack of information, there's lots going on but not much to say....

Tables Turned

After I thought about whether or not I was ready to call it quits with Mr. Perfect, I decided that I was no where near that place, and I didn't want one weekend of bad moods to ruin what we had. So of course, I started getting really paranoid that my bad moods had trickled into his mind, and he was in fact, going to break up with me over dinner on Wednesday. I was out with friends before hand, and since my tires are still not back to normal yet, my friend drove me from school and was going to drive me back to my car before my date with Mr. P. We ran out of time, and rush hour is a bitch, so she drove me straight to the restaurant, and I was late anyway. She asked me if it was going to be a problem for Mr. P to drive me back to my car. I didn't really think it would be, but in my head, I had concocted an entire break up scene already, so I told her I didn't know. She assured me that should he break up with me, she would come back and drive me to my car. I love my friends, they are great. However, I did not need her assistance this time.

When I walked in, Mr. P gave me a weird look and just said, "teacher clothes?" I had forgotten that he had never really scene me in work clothes, so of course I got all self conscious, and apologized immediately for not changing... Then I realized that I don't need to apologize for wearing my work clothes. Just because he can wear jeans to work doesn't mean I can, and doesn't mean that I can't look nice every once in a while! So, I kind of retracted my apology with a statement that was probably meaner than it should have been. When I mentioned that my car was still at school and asked if could drive me back after dinner, his initial reaction was to ask me how far away my school was. I realize that he was just being practical, but seriously, does it matter if it was 10 minutes away or 20? If he wasn't going to drive me back no matter the distance I probably would have been done, unless he had a really good reason. Dinner was ok a little weird but only because I was making it weird. I didn't feel comfortable because I kept thinking he might break up with me, or he was bored or something. He drove me back to my car, and I felt things were better then. He checked on my tires and then I followed him back to his place. I definitely spent the majority of the night being super sweet and trying very very hard not to give him any reason to not want to be with me. This is new for me because I'm usually of the mentality that I shouldn't have to go out of my way for someone just because they may not have liked something I've said/done. Usually I'm pretty secure in my actions, but I realized that I had been acting crazy last weekend and was really scared of what could have come of that. I was going to go home since I didn't have any stuff with me but I spent the night, unplanned, because I fell asleep there. We're starting to get into a very comfortable routine with each other.

I think it's hard to adjust to being in a real relationship after being single for over 3 years. I know I was in a few relationships that lasted a couple of months, but they never really seemed serious. This one feels like something different. I don't know what, but I think I'm past my itchy stage and back into a likable place. He definitely has some nuances and quirks that are going to take me time to adjust to, but he's got way too many good qualities to give up for some itchiness. I think I annoy him just as much sometimes because I definitely have some qualities that can be undesirable. He puts up with mine with little to no irritation, so I really should cut him some slack on his.

7 week itch

It's the 7th week of dating Mr. Perfect, and I'm starting to get a little itchy. Ok, that sounds like I've contracted something that I should see my doctor for... but really, itchy is the best word I can think of. I'm not antsy in the relationship, but just starting to feel like I need to be more independent and spend less time with Mr. Perfect. In the past few weeks we've spent entire weekends together, with very little interaction with other people. I've gotten behind on work, and gym time, and socializing outside of this relationship. I know that I'm just as guilty of wanting to spend as much time together as he is, but I've had this problem once before.

I once dated a guy at length who had virtually no friends, and did not have a group of people that he spent time with. In return, all social time was spent with my friends, but I was left feeling extremely guilty anytime that I wanted to go out on a Friday or Saturday night without him. Mr. Perfect has a select few friends, one of whom I've met, but not a group that he really socializes with independently. It's not a problem yet, but I feel like it's something that may eventually come up.

Also, lately I've been on the slightly crazy side of the spectrum. Blame it on whatever you want, but I've been ridiculously emotional lately. Today I found out the wheels I bought for my new car don't fit, and I'm going to have to buy a whole new set of wheels. I have no idea about anything to do with tires and wheels, and I was really hoping that Mr. Perfect would volunteer to come help me figure it all out. He didn't, and worse yet, didn't call me when he knew I was upset/frustrated about the situation. I would have really appreciated him calling me, just to see if I was ok, and when I eventually called him, he was less sympathetic than I would have liked. This made me even more upset than I already was, and I don't think he handles the emotional side of me very well. This also makes me itchy and start to wonder if maybe 7 weeks is long enough.

We're maybe going to have dinner tomorrow, and I think the emotional tidal wave I'm riding may come crashing down all over him. Unfortunately for him, I don't think he has a clue what's coming.

48 Hours and then some

Starting on Friday night, Mr. Perfect and I spent an entire weekend together. No breaks, no space, and very little interaction with other people either. We had a wonderful weekend from the time he picked me up on Friday at 5 until he left my house late Sunday afternoon (around 5:30). As if that weren't enough, we also went out Monday night, not 24 hours later, and still I did not feel like I was getting tired of him or running out of things to say. I met his family this weekend, and he spent some time with mine as well. There's not much to say in terms of exciting or interesting or amusing things that are happening, but it's an overall feeling of wonder and amazement at how content I am.

I was talking to a friend today who had talked to another friend of ours who had met Mr. Perfect last weekend. My first instinct was to grill her on everything that the friend said about him, to gauge whether or not she thought he was a good match for me, or if she totally disliked him. My friend didn't have much information about the topic, and I quickly realized that it doesn't really matter to me whether my friend liked him or not, because I like him. I think this is what has always been lacking in my relationships. I've always been so borderline like/hate with the guys I've dated, I've constantly sought the approval of friends and family to tell me if I was right in actually dating the person. With Mr. Perfect, I feel secure in what I know about him to know that he is in fact good for me, at least for right now. I don't need the approval of anyone, and while I would like my friends and family to like the person I am dating, I don't need anyone to tell me he's great, because I know he is.

There's a huge lifestyle change that comes with being in a relationship when you've been virtually single for the past 3 years or so... It probably deserves it's own blog entry, but I am realizing how much time I once had for all the little things in life that right now I'm finding hard to cram in just the essentials. Spending full weekends together is wonderful, and I'm glad that I have found someone that it comes so easily with, however the necessities in life, laundry, lesson plans, catching up with friends, are all harder to find time for. I need to start managing my time away from Mr. Perfect better so I can enjoy the time we do spend without worry.

Exes and....

Today was one of those days that you always picture in your head. The whole scene of running into an ex and being so much better than you ever were when you were together. That was my day today, except he doesn't know that I'm so much better than I was, that would have required talking to the ex. Yes, the ex I ran into was my boyfriend in high school, so it hardly counts... but he was someone that I had lost touch with and always wondered about. He doesn't have facebook or myspace, and googling his name does me absolutely no good. He was always kind of mysterious to me. I wondered if he was still in the area, and what he was doing with himself and his life. He was the first guy that I ever had any sort of relationship with, the first guy I ever said I love you to, and the first guy anything I did anything intimate with. So, he's left his mark on my life, but seeing him today was the weirdest thing ever.

I have to say that I am very happy with my life right now. I have a boyfriend that treats me better than I ever thought I deserved, I'm happy (enough) with my job and my education status, and even though I'd be happier not living at my parents' house, there's an overall content feeling for my life.

Every Wednesday, my friends and I go to a healthy fast food place after our weekly WW meetings. The owner knows us, the servers know us, we're like celebrities. Or so we like to think. This week we were having our food, and a couple walked in. I turned around briefly and glanced at them. My first thought was, wow, that guy really looks like [high school boyfriend]. I turned back around and said to my friends, I think that's my ex-boyfriend over there. I turned back around and then decided it wasn't him. I wasn't convinced though, so when he went over to the counter to order I could get a better look. Sure enough, it was my ex. With a little bit longer sideburns, shorter hair, and everything else exactly the same. He either had no idea it was me, or did a stellar job ignoring me. I wasn't really going out of my way to talk to him, he was there with a girl, and it was uncertain if they were there on a date or just as friends (they paid separately... that always throws me off!) Once I'm trying to either not notice or really notice someone, I get very self-aware of my behavior and words. I start feeling unnatural and showy, even if I'm not. I figure he MUST have seen me, or he was just really oblivious. We were the only 2 groups of people in the entire place. I thought about going over to say hi to him when the girl he was with went to the bathroom, but he was really not making eye contact at all, so he probably did not want to talk to me. I kind of wish I had, just to say hi, and not be socially weird towards him. It wouldn't have changed anything, it was 10 years ago that we were together, and it's not like there is anything left there attraction-wise.

So, better or not, he's less of a mystery now that I've seen him. A couple of weeks ago, Mr. Perfect met up with me there, and part of me wished that had been the case this week. It's probably better that he didn't, I would have put on a show for sure then. And problems with Mr. Perfect from this weekend have been resolved and rectified... we both overreacted and thought the other was mad. We usually hang out on Wednesday, but due to schedule conflicts, I'm not seeing him until Friday. I'm enjoying missing him this week, and I think it will make our weekend even better.

Friends and Fighting

I don't want to chronicle all the events that transpire between Mr. Perfect and me, but the important ones I think deserve blogging. Last weekend I met his friends (rather I should say friend, singular, and her friends.) and had a fairly awkward time. I blamed it on the tiredness and lack of food. This weekend, I organized a bowling outing for my co-workers and brought Mr. Perfect along with me. This wasn't just a casual outing of friends, this was a full staff outing with about 35 teachers, administrators, secretaries, and even some of the maintenance crew. And I was in charge of it all, from set up to paying. Mr. Perfect came with me early so I could talk to the managers and get all the lanes set up, we had dinner while I anxiously waited for everyone else to show up. Of course the administrators and staff I hardly know were the first to arrive, and I had to introduce Mr. Perfect to all my principals before any of my friends even got there! I was nervous, and I forgot to introduce him to one of the assistant principals, and I kind of was freaking out the entire time.

Once everyone got there and we got set up, I was a bit calmer but still stressed because of the money situation, making sure everyone paid, so I didn't get stuck with a huge bill at the end with no cash to cover it. I kind of left Mr. Perfect to fend for himself for parts of the evening, and for the most part he did well. He talked to all of my friends and their significant others, and didn't seem to be awkward or struggling to have fun at all. Maybe he's not socially awkward after all? Towards the end of the night I noticed him standing by himself not talking to anyone. I waved him to come over where I was talking to one of the guidance counselors, but he shook his head and stayed put. When I went over to see if he was ok, he said he just wanted to some time to decompress and was fine. My friends from school were all planning on going out after the bowling event, and I knew that Mr. Perfect would not have had a good time if we went. I declined partying further with my friends to ensure we had some time to spend together that night. It was the nicest night we've spent together to date, and he may be close to telling me something I'm not exactly ready for. I don't think he is either, which is why I'm glad he didn't say it just yet. He did tell me that I have a big piece of his heart, which is close enough for me right now. I stayed until about 2 the following day. He drove me home, and we made plans for me to come back again that night for dinner. We were in that place where you enjoy spending so much time with someone that you forget that sometimes it can be too much. I ended up spending more time at home than I planned and was a little late to getting down to his place around 7ish. We went to dinner where we kind of had a weird conversation about our expectations to our first date prior to going on it. Of course, my expectations were low and I was pleasantly surprised. He asked me why I had such low expectations for our date, and I couldn't find the right words to explain it was because he made it very clear to me before our date that he wanted a girlfriend... And now, that's me. Hmmm. I didn't want him to think that I thought he was desperate, so I twisted something around and made it seem like I always have low expectations for dates, which is generally true. Anyway, he said he had no expectations for our date, and was happy with how it turned out. Also that after a month he evaluates the relationship to see if it's something that he can see lasting a while. At first I hesitated because I have a friend whose relationship ended this way, but then I remembered what he told me the night before so I wasn't too worried. He went on to tell me how he thinks we're a really good fit, and sees us being together for a while. I agreed.

Since he had already met my school friends, I wanted him to meet some of my best friends. I arranged for us to go have drinks with my best friend and her fiance, and if I plan to take Mr. Perfect to their wedding in a few months, he needs to get to know them. I could tell he wasn't thrilled with the idea of going out for drinks (he's not a big drinker, and he thought it was going to be a loud party scene), and we kind of had our first fight. It wasn't really a fight, but he wasn't being overly interested and I kind of picked something petty and made a big deal over it. I have the tendency to do that. I got over it fairly quickly though, but he seemed to dwell on it. Drinks with my friends turned out to be fine, and he was able to converse at length with my friend's fiance, while my friend and I talked about girl things: weddings, shoes, dresses, Mr. Perfect. I noticed though that Mr. Perfect was definitely being less affectionate with me, and we hardly talked the whole time while we were there with my friends. He wasn't being socially awkward towards them, but he was being awkward with me. When we left, he walked a good 10 feet ahead of me to the door, and I felt kind of put off by that. We didn't talk much in the car, and he was being defensive. When we got back to his place I decided to just let him be. I changed into my pjs and hung out on the couch until he decided to come over to talk to me. He eventually did, and he said that he was just feeling weird because I have so many friends and he doesn't have any groups of people he considers his friends. I understand this, but at the same time, he shouldn't take it out on me because I do. We talked about it, and things were ok. They weren't great, and compared to the night before, it was probably our worst night ever. In the morning, we went to brunch and things were ok, but far from great. I'm worried that this small event took a big toll on the relationship. I'm wondering if he's still mad at me, or upset with the way the weekend went. I know I'm feeling unsettled about it, and I don't know how to bring it up without seeming like I'm harping on it. I will give it a few days to simmer and settle, hopefully by mid-week things will be back to being perfect with Mr. P.

Bye Bye Blog.

I have a boyfriend. This hasn't happened to me in over 2 years, where I actually sat down, had the DTR, and it resulted in me having a boyfriend without any side notes or stipulations on the relationship. Well, before the DTR, Mr. Perfect actually referred to me as his girlfriend. Last night we went out with his work friend and some of her friends for her husband's birthday. I was being introduced to these friends, and Mr. P hesitated slightly but clearly called me his girlfriend. The social awkwardness was apparent while we were out, but to be honest, I wasn't being incredibly social myself. I was tired and cranky from being up at an ungodly hour for a Saturday (5am), having eaten only one real meal (@ 7am on Sat.), and having run a 5k at the gym (in under 35 mins - a new record for me, which I'm proud of, but it was exhausting!)... all of this contributed to me being not social and not very fun. I should have taken a nap, and Mr. Perfect and I tried to a few times in the afternoon, but we ended up watching a movie, and well.. not sleeping.

My car needs a new rim in the front passenger side. Besides dating, this blog has recently been a good place to vent about my tire woes on my new car. All those flat tires from the time of CK to now have caught up with me, and I bent the rim on the front passenger side, and I currently am riding on the spare. I can't drive over 50 mph on it, and being the gentleman that he is, Mr. Perfect offered to come pick me up on Saturday so I wouldn't have to drive on my tire. He picked me up around 3, and we had a few hours to hang out before we needed to go to his friend's party. At some point during this time I should have eaten a real meal (not just pretzels and jelly beans), and taken a nap, which would have allowed Mr. P to get everything he needed ready for his gift for his friend's husband. Turns out, we needed to be there a half hour earlier than planned, we spent all of our time doing the things neither of us needed to be doing, and we were running late. Once I mentioned that I hadn't eaten anything more substantial than pretzels and jelly beans in the past 12 hours, Mr. P offered to stop and get food, but that would have made us even more late. The place where the party was supposed to be had a power outage, and the party was moved to his friend's apartment. It was fine once we got over the whole social awkwardness that both of us seemed to be displaying. I ended up talking to one guy for a long time about food (note: I was really hungry at this point), and he used to be a chef, so he had some incredible stories. We talked for probably a good half hour -45 mins, and I could feel Mr. Perfect watching us. I tried to signal to him to join us, but he either didn't notice or didn't care. It was fine and I really don't think he was that concerned. But I did feel bad that I was spending more time talking to another guy, and not spending time with Mr. P, when I was there as his guest. After that, a rousing game of Guitar Hero broke out so all conversations pretty much ceased, but I didn't partake. I skipped the birthday cake and I think I actually started to fall asleep on the couch. I'm sure I made a wonderful first impression on his friend.

When we left, I was so tired that the hunger was beyond me. He insisted on stopping at WaWa to get me something to eat anyway and going in to get it while I rested in the car. I don't remember much after getting back to his place, my main concern was getting into bed.

The DTR happened earlier in the morning today. I don't recall how it was brought up, but he did mention how he didn't know if he should have called me his girlfriend last night. We talked about it, and it's official, I'm no longer dating anyone else. Today we spent the day together, and unlike last time, spending over 24 hours together seemed easy and natural. I wasn't getting frustrated or irritated with him, which is a good sign. We went shopping together, I needed new running shoes and he needed new jeans (again). He took me to brunch at a place I had really been wanting to go to, and then we proceeded to go to DSW, Trader Joe's (he had never been), The Gap, Old Navy, and Marshall's. After all of that, I was rather spent. He came back to my place, and I invited him in, knowing full well that both my parents would be there. He met my dad, as he had already met my mom briefly. He didn't stay long, but it was a significant gesture on my part.

Now, the hard part. When do I tell him about the blog? It feels like a betrayal to not tell him, but I don't want him to read it. I don't know if he'd be able to find it if I told him about it... but people in the past have found it relatively easily, and he's not technologically slow. Maybe it's time to call it quits. I'll try to post entertaining or amusing tidbits that may be interesting to blog weekly, but I can't promise anything.

Enamored

Mr. Perfect told me the other day that he was enamored with me. I didn't really know what to say to that, but the feeling is quite mutual.

Last night, he met 3 of my work friends. Because I see them everyday, and talk to them more frequently than anyone else, they probably know the most intimate details of my time with Mr. Perfect. I don't mind him meeting them, and he was going to have to meet them next weekend since he's coming to a work outing with me, I figured I'd get it over with in a small setting. All went well with the exception of one of my friends (who we had told wasn't allowed to say anything more than just hi, nice to meet you, very simple/basic conversation because she has the tendency to say things sometimes that maybe shouldn't be. She did fine with the introduction and keeping it simple, until she says "I could say a lot more, but I'm told I'm not allowed to." It wasn't as bad as I thought, because really she could have said a whole lot worse, but I could tell he didn't know what to say to that, and I was clearly embarrassed. I ushered him quickly out and into the restaurant, apologizing on the way...

Dinner was great, we went to the same restaurant we had gone to on our first date. It's become very casual and very comfortable with him. We went to the movies after that, and saw a very bloody No Country for Old Men. It was good, and we both had wanted to see it since it won the Oscar, but I think I spent more of the movie looking away that watching it. My car had (another!!) flat tire (yes, I'm getting new wheels soon.) and he had bought a bike pump at Target that he tried to use to put some air in my tires. That didn't work so he followed me to the gas station, where he proceeded to fix my tire, yet again. We went and got Starbucks following that, and called it a night, relatively early, at 10pm.

I'm meeting his friends on Saturday, for his friend's husband's birthday party. It's going to be a large group of people, and Mr. Perfect has already told me he doesn't like going out in these settings due to his social anxiety (which I have yet to witness) - should be fun.

The land where the furniture folds to a much smaller size...

Ikea. Mr. Perfect asked me to accompany him this weekend to Ikea to look for some stuff for his apartment. He's just recently moved into his grandmother's house, and she moved into his parents' place. His place looks like...well, it looks like his grandmother lives there. Floral wallpaper, little chintzy decorative things all over the place, baby pictures of Mr. P and his little brother all over the place (actually really cute) completed by the wood paneling on the walls that are not covered with floral wallpapering and family photos. So, really, it's not what you'd picture a 26 year old single guy's place to look like. It has potential though... A lot of potential. His bedroom is almost there, it's painted, he put up chair rail, it looks really nice. But the rest of the place is a hot mess.

Anyway, so we went to Ikea in search of ideas to make his home a better fit for him, and less for his grandma. Shopping for furniture is something I feel that you do with someone after a few months of dating, not really just 2 weeks. However, it was fun and I was able to put my 2 cents in about what I thought would look nice in his house, which sometimes did feel a little awkward. He ended up buying some laundry hampers (on my suggestion) and 2 photo prints and frames for his room, and some elk shaped pasta which we will eat at a later date, I'm sure. Ikea is exhausting, but he figured since we were already in the city, we might as well make a day out of it. We headed over to North Bowl for some bowling, and good food. We took some cute photobooth pictures, which is something I don't do with just anyone. Bowling at North Bowl during the day is a much different scene than at night. Lots of kids and some middle aged men. Interesting combination. After that, we had plans to just head back to jersey, stop at some stores briefly, then back to Mr. Perfect's place for some movies, and a nice night in. Well, some stores turned into 4 hours of shopping. We went to Michael's (I needed a scrapbook), PetSmart (food for my dog), JC Penny and Macy's (looking at more bedframes for his new room), BJ's (bought travel Scrabble), and Target (just for fun - I managed to spend $30 though). I was exhausted and had a throbbing headache at that point. By the time we got back to his place, I was beat. I took some Excedrin and pretty much collapsed on his couch. He cuddled with me and we rented Ratatouille off of On Demand. At this point we had spent over 12 hours together, and things hadn't gotten any more physical than kissing. Of course that changed when we went to bed...

In the morning, he went out and got breakfast sandwiches and coffee, and air for my tires (yes, I still get flat tires on my new car!) I marked papers and did my students' spelling lists while he put together the things he got from Ikea. Putting together furniture from Ikea is something I've mentioned before as being one of the most irritating things to do with another person. Thankfully his were simple and didn't require a lot of work, and no frustration on either of our parts (I was really just observing from the couch anyway). I can tell that he enjoys doing things for me that he thinks I'll like or appreciate. I absolutely do, but at the same time, I do not ask for help easily nor do I often take it when it's offered. I've been so independent for so long that I don't ever ask for help, even from people I know would be more than willing to give it.

After spending so much time with each other (over 24 hours), we were ready for a break. We get along great, but really we've only known each other for 2 weeks. And I have the tendency to get cranky after too much time. He was really sweet and nice though, even when I was being mean and cranky, and trying to pick arguments. That's my sign to go. He drove out of his way so I wouldn't get lost heading back on 295 (I did last time), and we went our separate ways. Of course, we already have plans to go out on Wednesday night for dinner and a movie. Really, even though there's been no DTR, he's my boyfriend. At one point he referred to me as his girlfriend in passing (he was telling me about a conversation he had with a co-worker), but then later made a comment about me not being "his" technically. Neither times were good segues into the DTR, and at this point it seems unnecessary. I'm not dating anyone else (although the lawyer guy did text me this weekend - I didn't respond, and I did talk to the The Chin tonight as well, but we're definitely just friends.) and he's not dating anyone else, he's told me that much.

So, what becomes of a blog about dating when it's just about one person? I've been here before. Had my hopes up, and let down, over and over. This one seems different... but then again, don't they all?

Caught

Never in my life have I been caught by my parents, or roommates, or anyone doing anything I wouldn't want them to catch me doing. On Wednesday night, I went out to dinner with Mr. Perfect. He came to my house to pick me up, and no one was home at the time so I invited him in to meet my dog, even though my dog is vicious and doesn't like anyone new. He came in and I was showing him around, when I hear my mom come home. Nothing was going on, so it wasn't a big deal... I just wasn't ready for him to meet my parents just yet. He was very cool about it, and it wasn't a big deal... I was just very scared that would scare him off or something. It didn't.

We went to dinner and I learned new things about him that don't match my criteria, although I'm trying to minimize the amount of criteria that I try to hold him up to. The newest one is that he is not adventurous with his food, and is pretty bland when it comes to what he will eat. I think I knew before that he was a picky eater, but I didn't realize how incredibly picky until Wednesday. I was not thrilled... But that's not a deal breaker. After dinner we went to Barnes and Noble, were I perused books and tried to persuade him that he would like to read some of them (I will try my best to make him a reader!) If anyone has any good book suggestions for a guy who is not a reader, please pass them my way. We picked up some magazines (which he will read) and got some coffee and dessert in the coffee shop. We sat and read and chatted minimally, and it was very comfortable and easy. Sometimes I forget that I've only been dating him for 2 weeks, it seems like much longer.

He drove me back to my parents house and we were making out in the car in the driveway. My mom parks her car in the garage and I already knew she came home. My dad's car was in the driveway, so I just assumed that both my parents were home. We had actually moved to the back seat at one point. I had never seen the point of doing anything in a car before when there are perfectly good houses and bedrooms available. In this case, it wasn't available, but he did offer to drive down to his house (20 minutes) then drive me back (20 mins) and then have to drive back home (20 mins). I told him an hour of driving wasn't worth it, and we didn't need to have sex every time we hung out... but clearly I didn't mean that, and we managed in his car. Things were heating up and I definitely was not entirely clothed when suddenly he stops and says that there is a car at my driveway with it's blinker on. I asked if it was a white car, which would be my mom's, because my dad's was definitely in the driveway. He couldn't tell because the windows were all fogged up, but the car was not moving. The car parked at the foot of the driveway, and it was in fact my mom who had gone back to school for some ungodly reason after already coming home. Mr. Perfect managed to get dressed quicker than I had ever seen anyone dress themselves in such a small space. I on the other hand had no chance of getting dressed quick enough without creating a disturbance and drawing more attention to the car. I pulled his coat over myself and crouched down in hopes of not being seen. We sat very very still. My mom walked right past the car and into the house. I freaked out for a bit, not knowing what she saw or if she saw anything at all. She obviously noticed his car... so we had to be somewhere. When she realized we were not in the house, I figured she'd figure out the rest. After about 15 minutes of freaking out, I finally mustered up the strength to go inside and face my parents. I know my parents aren't dumb, but they did a really good job playing it that night. My mom asked me where we went, and genuinely sounded surprised when I told her that we had been in the car when she came home. She said that she had thought I had snuck Mr. Perfect upstairs when my dad wasn't around... which I think would have been pretty weird.

Mr. Perfect commented at one point how the 20 minute drive to his house didn't seem so silly after all. And I think from now on we'll stick to safe places, as it should be.

Cheating.

I am not cheating on anyone. I just want to put that out there, because my conscious tells me otherwise. I went on a date last night who was not WAG (Updated: he has been renamed "Mr. Perfect" by my brother - irony is everything.) and even though Mr. P and I are not exclusively dating, I felt really really guilty. I had met this guy on Match before I went on my first date with Mr. Perfect, and I thought he seemed ok. I definitely wanted to meet him, but once things picked up with Mr. Perfect I was hoping things with this other guy would just fade and he'd forget about going out. However, that wasn't the case, and I decided after Mr. P told me in passing on Sunday night that he wasn't going to take his Match.com profile down - at least for 6 months, that maybe I should look into other options. We hung out on Sunday night at his place, watched some tv, but mostly didn't watch the tv... it was a really nice night. Nothing noteworthy really to blog about. He still makes me happy, and I'm pretty content with him. So why should I be dating anyone else? Maybe because I'm addicted? Or maybe because I have so many guards up that I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop and can continue my habitual dating patterns.

Back to last night's date. The other guy is in law school at Drexel. He's shorter than me, small in stature, and I didn't feel like we had any real connection. He had mentioned before that he was really shy, but it seemed less like shyness and more like disinterest. However, he kept wanting to prolong the date. We met for drinks at a bar on South Street and 20th. It was a cool bar with a decent beer selection, enough to keep me happy. We ordered a drink, and then this guy suggested we get a table so we can have dinner. We had dinner, and then he wanted to go shoot some pool in the back but there was some kind of tournament going on. I was hoping this would be my out to end this date early, get home, get a good night's sleep... something I've been lacking lately. The other guy had the idea that we should go bowling. I know I like to bowl, but it's definitely not the best first date activity, especially when it's just 2 people. You can't talk to the other person because they are constantly bowling when you're not and vice versa. It's a good date with friends, but 1 on 1, it's a little hard. We went to Lucky Strike which is ridiculously expensive for 2 people to bowl, and I felt bad that he insisted on paying for it. We bowled 2 pretty quick games, which started off with this other guy being a rather atrocious bowler. It was cute because he clearly is not a bowling enthusiast like I am, but he wanted to do something that I wanted to do, and he was trying his best. I gave him some pointers (I'm not the best bowler, but I usually do alright) and he got progressively better throughout the game. He was like my bowling prodigy. After the game we hung out on the couch and were talking for a bit. I pointed out the Flyers game that was on and tied in the third quarter. I knew that he's a huge Flyers fan, and that he probably would rather be watching the game than making small talk with me. I suggested we move over to one of the other couches where we could better watch the game. He was very pleased with this, and all of the sudden he was all over me. It was such a strange transition, I didn't really know how to interpret it. One minute we were barely touching, the next he had his arm around me, rubbing my shoulder as he explained what was going on in the game to me. Clearly all it took was some hockey to break the ice. He explained the whole end of the game to me, overtime and the shoot out, and the Flyers won in the end. It was an exciting game, he told me I was a "good luck charm." He did kiss me as we were hanging out on the couch, and I did kiss him back. He asked me to hang out later this week, but I'm already seeing Mr. Perfect tomorrow, and the rest of my week is booked. I don't know if I will make the effort to see him again, but I'm pretty sure he will. He already texted me today, not 24 hours later. I don't feel guilty about it... at this point it's no different than last year with the acupuncturist and the Israeli.

When Mr. Perfect decides that he wants to date me and only me, then hopefully I will be ready to do the same. For now, I'm going to take it as it come, and stop taking this 2 week thing I have going on with Mr. P so seriously.

Snow Day

I used to imagine having a snow day, when I could spend the day with someone, just cuddling and watching movies and getting takeout... and other indoor activities that are appropriate when it snows. I've never had that. Either I've never been dating someone during snow days, or the other person wasn't off of work, or it was too hard to get to the other person's place.

Yesterday was the first snow day of the year. I was ecstatic to be off of school because it was so unexpected. I texted WAG in the morning when I found out I was off to see if his school was closed as well. We had plans to hang out last night, and I figured if we were both off, we could push that up a few hours. He was off too, and we agreed we'd hang out earlier. Because I once got into a bad accident in the snow, I have a fear of driving on bad roads. I know my new car doesn't handle great in the rain, and I didn't want to risk it in the snow. I told him that I was nervous about driving down there because of the roads, and to get to his house there are some back, windy roads that I was sure would not be clear. He offered to come pick me up, since he drives an SUV, and isn't afraid of driving in the snow. This was perfect for me, and he picked me up around 2 in the afternoon. We went to the movie store and picked out 3 movies, one neither of us had seen, one I hadn't seen but he had, and one he hadn't seen but I had. It was a good compromise. We stopped at Wawa for snacks and drinks, and then back to his place. The rest of the day consisted of watching the movies, ordering take-out, cuddling, making out, and one thing leading to another. One thing I can say is that we are extremely compatible in bed, and this is very important to me. There was a lot I didn't write about CK, but we were NOT compatible sexually, and it really was a downer on the relationship. For first times, WAG beats out the Israeli who was the front runner before him. I'm pretty pleased with that. If he wants a girlfriend and can keep this up, I'm willing to play that part.

Needless to say, I spent the night, and in the morning he attempted to make breakfast. After not being able to find a frying pan, and a botched attempt at scrambled eggs in the microwave, I had half a pop-tart, and he had some sausage. After breakfast, we laid around some more, and just enjoyed each other's company for the remainder of the morning. After quite some time, I finally got around to having him drive me home, and it was a long, slow goodbye. After spending nearly 24 hours with a person, I usually am ready for a break. If my sister wasn't coming into town this weekend, I probably could have spent my entire weekend there. That might have been overkill, and we're definitely rushing things. It just feels right at the moment. Yes, there are a lot of ways that he doesn't match what I thought I'm looking for, but everyday that seems to matter less and less.

We had a lot of long talks this week, as usually happens when two people only spend time with each other. I know a lot about his past relationships, and his past experience. He's already told me that he doesn't date more than one girl at a time, so that makes me feel guilty about my date for Monday. I scheduled it before I even met WAG a week ago (it was one of the Sunday dates that was postponed), and while I don't anticipate liking this guy more than this one, I'm not closing off my options just yet.

P.S. I don't like the blog name WAG... it doesn't flow with the writing, if anyone can come up with something better, please by all means, post suggestions!

5th Period

Today was the dreaded day. The day my crush showed up in my class 5th period. Now, to be fair, I really don't have a crush on my crush anymore. But I am still embarrassed by the thought of my students plotting our romance in their minds. It was towards the end of the period, the students had just finished up a project that had them pretty riled up to begin with, and then he walked in to drop off the weekly magazines to my class. Usually he just drops them off, waves, and leaves. Today, he stood at the back of my class like he was waiting for me to finish up teaching, like he had something important to say to me. So, I noticed him standing there, but he was in the back, and I was PRAYING that my students wouldn't notice him. I tried to keep them busy by passing out homework, and talking a lot about what they needed to do. But of course they noticed, and of course they had something to say about that too. As soon as they started making comments (oooh Ms. B, do you see who's here? Ms. B, tomorrow is Friday night, what are you doing? Ms. B, why are you turning red??) I almost killed them. And I also found it near impossible to keep a straight face. I turned about 10 shades of red and of course I have a few who take things TOO far (Student M - no surprise. He has very little impulse control.) And my crush ended up having to yell at my students. After that I lined them out, and they were still wild and trying to make comments, but I ushered them out quickly and down the hall to Spanish. Apparently, my crush really wanted to talk to me because he was walking down the hall behind me and my class. I ignored this and just wanted to get my class to Spanish before I had to deal with the humiliation of what just happened in my classroom. As we stopped at the corner, one of the girls keeps saying to me, "Ms. B, turn around." I ignored her. Again, "Ms. B, turn around, there's someone behind you." I continued to ignore her. "Ms. B, Ms. B, turn around!!" I turned another shade of red, probably deeper than before, because if it wasn't apparent to him before what was going on, it definitely was at that point.

I got them to Spanish, and pretty much hid in the teacher's lounge/workroom for 15 minutes. I thought the coast was clear, when I ran into him. Well, actually I was talking to another teacher in the hallway, and I saw him hear my voice, turn around and wait for me. Again. So, I went over and apologized for what he witnessed in my class today. I wanted to tell him that my class has a very active imagination, but that didn't sound like the right way to phrase that, so I just said that they are characters and get a little carried away sometimes. He laughed and said he thought the whole thing was really funny. I can only imagine what he was really thinking. He had nothing important to say to me though. He asked me if I had the unit questions for the chapters we're working on now, which I had already emailed him about last week telling him I didn't have them. He said he'd bring it to our meeting next week, and nothing really was discussed... He made some small talk and told me to tell the other grade level teacher he said hello, and then he left.

I am still mortified by what happened with my class. They thought it was hysterical. If it hadn't happened to me, and it wasn't my supervisor, I'd probably find it funny too. At this point though, I'd be very surprised if I saw him in my 5th period class any time in the near future.

Standards.

I had every intention of posting this last night... but I didn't get home until almost 1am, and sleep seemed to be the front runner in terms of my priorities.

So last night was my 3rd date with WAG, and it continues to go well. Briefly, dinner and then we went to his place where we made out. I was out way past the time I had planned, but today I managed to get by on just a few hours of sleep. I had that post-good date glow to hold me over. However, I'm not getting my hopes or expectations very high on this one. I had 3 really good dates with The Chin before he bailed... so there's still chance that this one could sour before it goes much further. Although, I have the feeling if this one is going to end it will be on my account, not his. But, I'm enjoying this a lot so far, however that's not without reservation.

When you've dated as much as I have (and let's be honest, I've dated my fair share), it comes with its lot of baggage and hang-ups from previous relationships/dates/interactions/what-have-you. I've also set a lot of standards for myself and what I want in a guy who dates. I've mentioned some of them here before, but just to recap... what I think (and notice I say think because I've never dated my ideal guy, so I'm not sure) I'd like in the guy I eventually end up with:

1. College Degree - Bachelor's is really the minimum, I'm much more attracted to graduate degrees. Actually, I'm attracted to intelligence, but I really think a college education is important.
   
2. Jewish - this is more for my family (parents and grandparents), I feel a lot of pressure from them actually to marry someone who is Jewish. More than once, both of my grandmothers, and my parents have mentioned that I'm their "only hope" for having a grandchild/child marry someone Jewish. Nothing like pressure. All I really care is that I'm able to raise my (hypothetical) children Jewish.
   
3. A reader - Ok, so this is me being really picky. I really like to date guys who read. I know I've mentioned this one before and I'm not sure why this one is so important to me. I know a lot of people who are avid readers and are with people who don't read. My parents are a classic example of this. My mom likes to read all the time, and when she has the time, she reads a lot. My dad however, if I ever saw him pick up a book to read, it would be the first time in my 27 years. They've been together for over 40 years, married for 35. So clearly my need for a reader is not a necessity, but it's something I've always wanted to share with someone. I remember my early days with the Israeli that we spent reading together, lazy Sunday mornings, it was my idea of a perfect morning.
   

So those are my top 3. Let's see how WAG measures up...
1. Bachelor's Degree - no. He has his Associates... But surprisingly to myself, I'm more ok with this than I thought. He has a decent job which he really seems to like. He's plenty ambitious, and seems to know what he wants. He's smart and we have good conversation... So I guess this first one doesn't really matter (especially when I went out with guy who is finishing his masters on Monday and nearly died of boredom... sometimes education isn't everything)!
2. Jewish - no. He was raised Methodist... but apparently hasn't been to any kind of service since he was really little. We haven't talked about kids, so that one will have to wait for a later discussion to see how he wants to raise his little ones. (Although he did mention something about a Christmas tree for his future kids and family, but I'm ok with that. I always wanted a Christmas tree, anyway.)
3. Reader - no. This one broke my heart. Over dinner last night we got to talking about reading. And WAG tells me that in his entire life he remembers reading ONE book cover to cover. And it was in the 5th grade. I almost fell off my seat. Even my friends who are not readers (ehm, Debbie...) have read more than ONE book in their life. I was literally dumbfounded. I can't imagine how one person could get through years of school and have only read one book cover to cover. I flat out told him over dinner that I could not date a non reader. I tried to explain how I felt, and he was pretty cool with me telling him that straight out. He says that he wants to try to read, which I think is adorable. I told him that I like to read aloud to people, and he seemed to like that idea of me reading to him. He really does seem genuinely interested in giving reading a try. I have to give him credit for that.

So, he doesn't meet the top three criteria, but I have a really good time when I'm with him, and I really like spending time with him. So maybe all those things are superficial when it comes to building a connection with someone, and I should toss preconceived notions and see where this one goes.

Double Trouble

Two dates for the price of one... I had a double header tonight (and trust me, I'm on the lookout for cockroaches!) But all in all, it wasn't as exciting as they usually are. My first date was one that I had postponed from this weekend. It wasn't one I was looking forward, and for good reason. I had talked to this guy on the phone before meeting him, and the conversation seemed harder than any I've had before. However I hoped that had to do with him being uncomfortable on the phone, and not really a reflection of how the date would go.

We met up early for coffee in University City. It was a beautiful day when I got there, warm and sunny - very unlike February. He was nice enough, but unfortunately, the conversation was no better than on the phone. We talked for 2 hours, I guess... there were lots of lulls and uncomfortable silences... and I don't think I'm trying as hard as I used to when it comes to making conversations with uber-shy guys. We didn't really talk much about anything more than very surface things, and I felt like there was no natural transition from one topic to the next. It was like one ended, and then I had to come up with a question or comment to start a new conversation. At least twice, I actually made a weather reference (it started raining during the time I was there), and felt like I was actually saying, "so... how about that weather, hmm?" Nothing like bad conversation to make 2 hours feel like 10. Around 6:15, I made about the 10 glance to my watch, and he asked me if I had to go. I said that I should be getting home, and also my meter was going to run out soon. He had to go back to his office on campus to pick up his bike and jacket, and I agreed to drive him back since it was raining. It was awkward and there was very little to say... The goodbye was strange, and I really just wanted him out of my car. I was kind of miserable about the fact that I had wasted the remainder of the nice day and now it was cold and rainy.

Straight from one date to the next, I went to the bowling alley to meet up with the guy from Friday night. I had been wanting to go bowling all weekend, and since it didn't pan out with my friend here, the guy from Friday said he'd go with me today. This guy is the one who really wants a girlfriend (we'll call him WAG for short). He was late, again, and I was on time, surprisingly (even after getting lost briefly around 30th St. Station). We bowled four games, which were all a lot of fun. The only problem is that it's hard to have a conversation with someone while you're both up bowling. Bowling with multiple people would be better as it would give us more of a chance to talk. However, in the short discussions we did have, I found out that he's not so adventurous with his food, and may not eat Thai food... this is obviously a problem for me, but he may be willing to try it. He has some food issues, which make me hesitant, but hopefully they are not too serious. After bowling, he walked me out to my car, which turned into making out in my car. Nothing more than kissing, my car isn't that spacious and there were too many people in and out of the parking lot. I'm not that risqué anyway. I can tell he really likes me, or at least the idea of me. It's definitely hard for me to tell, because he did make it so glaringly clear that he really wants a girlfriend. I don't want to date someone just because they are looking to be with anyone. I'd like to date someone who's genuinely interested in me. It's confusing, and making it hard for me to tell how I feel about him.

However, he isn't reserved about wanting to see me. He asked me out for dinner tomorrow night. This makes 3 dates within 5 days. I may have to slow this one down a bit before we get a little carried away.

1 out of 3

I was supposed to have 3 dates this weekend, however, my friend came down from NYC instead, so 2 of them were canceled. The one that I did get to go on however was pretty good. I wasn't looking forward to this date ahead of time for a few reasons. The first and foremost reason was I knew way too much about this guy and how much he was looking for a relationship prior to meeting him. Also, he seemed to always be on IM, and wanting to have long, drawn out conversations which I just don't have time for. If and when I am on IM, it's usually while I'm working on my computer and don't really have time to have lengthy conversations (kind of defeats the purpose of it, I know.) But, I've done the whole IMing with a guy before you meet him, and then find you have nothing to say to them when it's in person. It's like long phone conversations, or email exchanges that always end in disappointment when you actually meet the person. So I scheduled an early date on Friday, hoping to be home by 8 so I'd have some time with my friend who was leaving to go back to another country, or clean/prepare for my friend's visit to my house.

We had scheduled to meet at 5:30 at a coffee shop. I was early, and he was late. He called to let me know that he wasn't going to make it until a little later, so I settled in and had some coffee. He showed up much closer to 6 than to 5:30, but that's ok. I wasn't in a real rush. He was cute, and we talked for about 2 hours at the coffee shop. Around 8, they started playing live music there, which made it hard to hear, so we decided to go to dinner. We drove across the shopping center to a good Italian restaurant, and proceeded to continue our long conversation. We ended up staying at the restaurant until they were closing around 11. So we had been talking for about 5 hours. This was surprising to me, and I didn't anticipate liking him, so it was a good surprise. I don't know if it's going to go anywhere, but for now, I'll continue seeing him. He IMed me when he got home, and we chatted online for a bit, but again, I don't like talking online as much as he does. We have tentative scheduled plans for Monday night, after I meet up with one of the guys I was supposed to see today. Another one I'm not anticipating going very well or lasting very long.

I will try to provide more detailed accounts of my dates later, I haven't had much time to do anything online this weekend, so more to come. The first of three was good, and maybe the rest that I'm dreading will be good as well! Negative anticipation = Good dates?

Be My Valentine.

Happy Valentine's Day to all! I'm so glad today is over, however it was amusing for so many reasons. Besides all the candy and cards students obsess over, Valentine's Day makes students wonder about their teachers' love lives and my 5th period class is way more perceptive than I give them credit for. They were writing Valentine's similes and metaphors as their daily warm up activity, and out of nowhere, the following occurred:

In order to understand today's story I need to flashback to last Thursday's detention with Student M. (There were 3 students total at one point, but at this point he was the only one left)
Student M: Miss B, you're not married are you?
Me: No M, but thanks for asking.
M: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: (feeling slightly uncomfortable) Um, I'm not going to answer that question M, it's time for you to go now anyway.
M: You know, everyone in the class says you like that guy.
Me: What guy? (knowing he's talking about my school crush)
M: You know, the one who brings in the boxes all the time.
Me: I have no idea who you are talking about M, but thanks for telling me.

Today, during the daily 10 minute warm-up, prior to this, the class is silently working:
Student T: You know Miss B, you should date that guy.
Me: T, what are you talking about? And you should be doing your work, not worrying about me.
T: You know the one, with the dark hair.
Student M: Yeah! That's the one I was talking about the other day!
Me: I don't know who you're talking about.
Chorus of many students: You know the one, who brings in the stuff, no he has gray hair, he's old, she already has a boyfriend, no she doesn't! He always comes in, you know him!
Me: (realizing this is going to be problematic) Guys! Enough! I don't know who you are talking about, but really right now, I need you to be focused on your work.
Student D: You do know him, he's the one that always brings in these (holds up the weekly reader that yes, my crush does deliver to my room often).
At this point it would be pointless for me to pretend I didn't know who they were talking about, so I had to play it off as cool as I could...
Me: Oh, you mean my supervisor? (Hoping the word supervisor would mean something more to them than it did!) No... he's my boss, and... (here's where I got stuck..) and, well, no.
Student T: (not backing down) Why don't you go out with him? He's kind of cute. Don't you think?
Me: (turning BEAT RED): T, we are not talking about this. You NEED to do your work.
Chorus: She's BLUSHING. Oh my god! She likes him! Look! She's turning red!!
Me: (Feeling there was no way to properly end this at this point) I am turning red, because this conversation is making me uncomfortable, and it will stop, NOW.

The conversation however continued when my co-worker came over into my room, and I made them repeat what they had told me and got things started again. I somehow managed to mislead them enough to convince them that I did in fact have a boyfriend and was not interested in my crush because he has gray hair (For only 32, he does look a considerable amount older than he is, the graying hair doesn't help). I'm not sure how that whole conversation went. All I know is there was very little Language Arts going on today during 5th period. And I'm praying that he doesn't stop in tomorrow during 5th, like he usually does.

Chin Up

I did hang out with the Chin on Saturday, and as expected it was completely 100% platonic. He came over to my place, and my parents were in California for the weekend, so if ever there was a time that something could have happened.... that would have been it. However, he came over around 5ish, we watched some movies, ate pizza, drank beer, and then he left. Nothing romantic or intimate about it at all. I think it was good for me because before Saturday I had all these unresolved emotions towards the Chin. After seeing him, I'm not really so sure what I was so caught up with in the first place. I'm pretty sure I like the idea of him a lot more than I was actually liking him. So now that it is resolved, I'm quite content moving on. Will that be the last of the the big Chin? I don't know, but I am definitely not interested in trying so hard anymore.

I have two dates scheduled for this weekend. I have one on Friday and one on Sunday. I'm not really looking forward to either one of them, as I don't think either is a good match for me. The one on Friday REALLY wants a girlfriend. And the fact that I know that before going out with him does not speak well for how reserved he's being. Sunday's date seems nice enough, but I'm not sure that I feel any kind of connection to him. We talked on the phone last night, but it wasn't really a great connection on either part. So... we'll see how they go, I'm going into them feeling like I just need to get through them... I guess I'll just have to keep a positive attitude, and eh... chin up, I guess.

Dateaholic

Hi. My name is [insert my name here], and I'm a dateaholic.

The first step is admitting you have a problem? I am trying to take a break from dating, really really I am!! But unfortunately, I have a problem. And this problem forces me to seek out dates all the time. So, while the plan was to take a few months for myself, and not date anyone at all... here I am planning dates with about 3 different guys. I have strayed a bit from the traditional match.com and jdate guys (which answers a question posted earlier and I do not just date guys from jdate!) and have moved to some of the newer, quirkier *free* dating sites. These include - OkCupid, PlentyofFish (I've just looked at this one, nothing posted there), and my age old standby for free dating - Craigslist. I am addicted to dating. I'm not sure if I am addicted to the actual process of finding a date, or going on the date, but whatever it is, I am finding it hard to break the habit.

And on top of all that, I'm supposed to hang out with Chin Guy tonight. This will be the first time that we've hung out since the really nice dinner date that apparently scared him away. I think we're hanging out just as friends. I'm not sure. Now that there are a few other guys in the prospective future for dates, he's definitely less appealing as a potential datee, but I'm looking forward to seeing him. I'm sure it will be nothing exciting, and really we'll just watch a movie or get some food... but I'm curious to see how this will all pan out.

I've been considering starting a new blog as well, a food/diet blog (my sister just started one, and it inspired me to), less exciting than dates, but I'll link it to here if I get it up and running. I guess I'm a blogaholic too.

Just Friends

So not much has changed in a week's time. I have spoken with the New Guy, but have not seen him. I sent him a text message last Monday morning, basically apologizing for whatever I did that was so offensive (it was said nicer, with much less bitterness, but that's the basic gist). He wrote back almost immediately (keep in mind he hadn't responded to anything since telling me he couldn't hang out on Saturday), and said not to worry, he just was really busy, and he told me he worked a lot. I'm cranky early in the morning, so I took this and responded with a condescending, of course you did tell me that, and how inconsiderate of me to bother you this weekend (when we HAD plans). Ok, I left out the when we had plans part... but again, the basic gist. I spend the remainder of the day, hashing out with my friends why he clearly was not worth my time. 1) younger than me, 2) shorter than me, 3) big chin. Yeah, he had a rather overbearing chin, which could have provided a good blog name, but I didn't want to emphasize the faults of someone I was clearly interested in. It does dominate his facial features though, making the slope of his face crescent moon like. It's not terrible, and obviously didn't stop me from being attracted to him... but something to note, especially when trying to find fault.

So Monday, I came to terms with my friends that really, I should just get over this, and the only other time I ever reacted this way with a guy was with T. And for the same reasons... complete change in behavior coupled with dropping off the face of the earth. At least he had texted me back, so I knew in fact he was alive. Who then calls me, Monday night? Chin guy. I was hesitant to answer because I didn't want to have to defend or apologize for my snarky text earlier that day, but it wasn't brought up. We chatted on the phone like nothing ever happened. Of course this leaves me dumbfounded, and confused about what is going on. I let it go, and on Wednesday sent him a text just saying that I hoped he was having a good time in DC, and was he having fun? He sent back this long, drawn out text message complete with how his week was so busy, and he wasn't going to have any free time anytime soon... so we should just be friends. Uhhhh. what? I don't know where that came from. I sent him a message back saying that was fine with me, although I don't know what that means really, and if he's not interested, he should just come out and tell me, I can take it. He texted me back that he doesn't know what that means either, but with being so busy, he doesn't want me to wait for him. As if I was. I decided this needed to be settled once and for all on the phone, so I called him. We talked for an hour and half, and absolutely nothing was defined. I told him being friends seems silly because if he doesn't have time to date me, why would I want a friend I never saw? And he went on to say how much he likes spending time with me and talking to me, but doesn't think he can give me the time that I want right now. I thought about it, and not once did I ever ask to see him. He always made the plans, so something I did made it seem like I was especially needy. In any case, I don't think I'm dating him, especially since it's been a week and a half since I've seen him. But we're not friends. And I don't think he's not interested, but I don't think he's overwhelmingly into me either.

We texted back and forth a couple of times this weekend. There has been no mention of future plans, and I'm not going to bring it up. I'm not really seeking out new dates at this time, but it's not because I'm waiting for this guy. I'm exhausted from dating all the time, I went through my past 3 years of being single, and I've been dating someone in one form or another for the past 3 years, with less than a month in between.

Fool Me Once.

Well, it seems I have jumped to conclusions with the new guy. There will be no DTR this weekend, and no need for a blog name because I'm done. (Thanks for all the suggestions though! I think I should have a blog name contest for the next guy who needs one!)

We originally had plans to hang out on Saturday as I had mentioned in the previous post. By Friday night, I hadn't heard from him at all since Wednesday, so I sent him a text that just said, 'still on for tomorrow?' I didn't hear back from him Friday night or Saturday morning. Around noon, on Saturday I got a text that said that he had to work and get his stuff together for an unexpected trip to DC. Ok... so it's probably not a lie, and I'm sure he had a lot of work to do. I'm still dealing with the fact that I'm so jaded from CK that I automatically disbelieve everything that is told to me. It's not that I think he's lying, and he might be, but it's more that he texted me the day of the planned date. If he had a trip to DC, then he probably found out about it on Friday at the latest, and could have called or texted me before I had to inquire if we were still in fact on for that day. And even if he did for some reason find out about it on Saturday, then he should have called to tell me. Anyway, I decided, though, to give him the benefit of the doubt and not completely write him off yesterday. I chalked a lot of my initial anger and upset to the fact that I was having a really awful day. I had yet another flat tire on my less than 4 month old car, and went to go get the tires checked out once and for all. I waited around for an hour and half, only for the mechanic to tell me that there was nothing they could do for me because there was no relock key and they refused to blow the lock off the tire because they didn't want to be responsible for any damage done to my car. I also found out that my checking account has been compromised and someone has my routing and account numbers and is using it sign up for adult services websites. Awesome. So now I have to deal with changing my entire account over, and making sure I include to transfer everything that is connected to that account. And never use my checking account for anything again, because clearly the internet is an unsafe place.

So basically, my day yesterday sucked. Thankfully, I have great friends who took me out and got me drunk on wine, and all is good in the world again. Today, still deciding that this new guy needs a chance to redeem himself or at least prove that he's man enough to tell me he's not interested in person, I decided to call. I left a very friendly voicemail, just asking him how his weekend was, that I had been looking forward to seeing him this weekend, and maybe we'd hang out when he got back from DC. I have heard nothing back from him. Yes, it's only been a couple of hours since I called, but after 3 years of serial dating, the signs are pretty clear, pretty fast. Of course, when you're waiting for news from one guys, old ones resurface. That's right... who of all people texted me today? CK. No worries, I'm not getting back into that. But I find it so ironic that as soon as I'm wanting to hear from someone else, others resurface. It's like a scent they can detect or something.

Back to square one. I'm bummed that things didn't work out with this guy, but at least I know early enough that I wont be scarred like others have done. I've been here enough over the past few years, but when I look at where I was a year ago, just meeting the Israeli... and dating the acupuncturist, and 2 years ago with my ex who was unemotionally available and I should never have dated, and 3 years ago when I was single and happy... I think I'm glad to be back where I first started. Again, I'm swearing off dating for now... but that never lasts. I'm sure I'll be back in the scene in no time.

Just dinner.

I think I may be in the beginning stages of a relationship with the new guy. I'm pretty sure he's interested in pursuing a relationship, and it seems to be heading in that direction. I'd be happy to hang up my dating hats, and be with this one guy. The more time I spend with him, the more I enjoy his company, the more attracted I am to him.

Tonight we just went to dinner. We met up around 6:30, and then he told me that he had to work from home tonight so he wouldn't be able to stay out late. However, he did invite me to come hang out with him while he worked. We split 2 appetizers, and a meal, and a few beers (the beers were not shared). We talked and held hands across the table. We were cheesy and people probably thought we were lame, and it was really nice. We have plans for Saturday night. It will be the 3rd time in one week that we're going out, so that to me says more than dating... but we're not there yet. The DTR may be just around the corner... within a week or so, maybe less.

When it was time to go, he walked me out to my car and kissed me goodbye before heading back to do some work. I sent him a text thanking him for dinner, and he texted me back, and we got into a bit of a text message conversation. I felt bad because I felt like I was keeping him from his work, but my theory on texts is that there is always the option not to respond. I kept responding to his texts and, in my mind, if he were really busy with work, he could text me back in an hour or tomorrow or whenever he was done with whatever it is he's doing. Eventually, he just called me, and we spoke for about 10 minutes about how he's not getting anything done anyway, so he should just come over here. My powers of persuasion are lacking. He said he'd call me tomorrow, and I'm sure he will. I don't have any reasons to doubt him or mistrust him.

Things are progressing nicely. Not too fast, nothing too serious. I need to keep reminding myself to keep the bitter negative sarcasm to myself, at least until he gets a better picture of where that stems from (which hopefully, he never will). I don't want to come off as needy or overbearing, so I play the opposite. I'm sure that doesn't do any better for my case. Plus, I still can't think of a name for him. Initials seem to lack his personality, I want something original. I'll probably think of it when I blog the last date we have. Ahhhh, cynicism.

Jaded

I am jaded. I hadn't realized my negativity towards dating until I very nearly ruined a good thing. Last night was date #2 with the Quizzo guy from last Monday. He called me 2 days after our date last week, and had wanted to set up a date for this past weekend. But as I mentioned before this past weekend was the annual camping weekend, so the date had to be postponed until after the weekend. We arranged to possibly go out on Monday night when I came back from the Poconos. We talked on the phone Saturday night while I was away and confirmed plans for last night.

The whole date felt like it could have potentially taken place 10 years ago when I was in high school. He picked me up at my house, which is something I haven't had a guy do in a very long time (not counting the last time that CK and I went out - because I don't count that) and we drove over to the movie theater. He had to stop at the coffee shop nearby for some internet use, for something he had to do for work. I was expecting him to take out his laptop and ignore me while he worked, but he was really cool about it. He showed me what he was doing, and even though I didn't fully understand all that he was telling me about supply and demand, it was kind of interesting. It was a small gesture, but it was so open, and I had realized how closed off CK had actually been until something as small as showing me an email and a database from work made me feel closer to this guy on a certain level than I had ever been with CK.

We went to dinner at a great sushi place and then to the movie afterwards. It was still a little awkward physically between us because I don't think either of us knew how the other one was feeling. We eventually moved into a cuddly position during the movie, with his arm around me, and my arm on his leg. Very comfortable, very natural, the whole time. After the movie, he drove me back to my place. We made out in my car for a while sitting parked in the driveway of my parents' house. At one point he made a comment about how he was kind of nervous that my dad was going to come out and bang on the windshield or something. I told him not to worry, my dad isn't the kind of dad to bang on windshields. Besides, at 27 after having lived with a guy before for over a year, and on my own in the city for over two, my dad is going to have to come to terms with the fact that I may kiss a boy or two in the driveway of his house. My date mentioned that he will definitely be the type of father to bang on the windshield of his daughter's car if she is ever making out in the driveway. I didn't want to get into the discussion of my ideas of how I will or will allow my non-existent children to kiss their non-existent boy/girlfriends, so the topic was dropped, quickly. We made out for quite a while, and finally, he really had to go because he had to work early this morning. After we said a rather long goodbye, he left. I noticed as he pulled out of the driveway that his lights were off, and I wanted to send him a text to tell him to turn them on. As I looked for my phone in my bag, it was no where to be found. I was sure that I had it when I left the movie theater and in the car as well. The only logical thing was that it had fallen out in his car.

I tried calling the phone a few times, but it was on vibrate, and I doubt he would have answered it anyway. I had to look up his phone number in my cell phone account under the most recent billing section, and call him from my parents' home phone. I must have called 3 times (left 1 message, explaining the unknown number and why I was calling) before I got a hold of him. He offered to turn back around and bring me my phone, but I didn't want him to have to come all the way back here. He had driven a good portion of the afternoon from North Jersey, and then drove me around all night, so I went to his place. The only thing I was really worried about was him looking in my phone at my sent/received text messages. Not that I don't trust him (or do, he's given me no reason to trust him or not)... but if I were in that situation, I can't promise I wouldn't sneak a peak at them. I got to his house and was expecting him to just give me my phone, and I'd be going home. But of course he invited me in, and gave me the tour of his house. We made out in the hallway and then in his bedroom for about an hour until it really was getting very late, and I had to get home. We made plans to see each other on Wednesday (tomorrow at this point), and he said to me as I was leaving that he'd give me a call. For some reason, and I still can't figure out why I said this, I said, oh sure, I'll hold my breath - very sarcastically.

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew that I should not have said that. He responded with a completely justified and puzzled, what?? And I apologized, blamed it on my extreme tiredness and the fact that we had been sarcastically bantering for the majority of the evening. I am so jaded from dating at this point, I can't stop myself from saying something that I wasn't even feeling at the time. I beat myself up over it for most of the day, and I'm not sure that he even cared that I said it. My friends blame it on CK, and say that I'm punishing this new guy for CK's actions. I think it goes back further than CK. I've been dating, really, for over 3 years at this point. And yes, there were some short lived relationships in there, nothing past 5 months, and each one of them brought down a notch in my belief that guys are honest and don't have ulterior motives in their behavior.

Hopefully, tomorrow's date is still on. A blog name for him hasn't struck me yet, for now he'll just be the new guy. He's really everything I've looked for these past 3 years (despite being a bit shorter than me - something I can live with), and seems to want similar things. I'm hoping I don't screw this up royally.

Mmmm... brains

Maybe I'm on a lucky streak? 2 good dates in a row? With 2 different guys? This is something completely unheard of. I'm sure it has something to do with the awesome new shoes I've been rockin' all week (please note the pink elephant located on these sweet shoes)!

Regardless of my fancy footwear, which my date did compliment tonight, it was another fairly spectacular event. Not as intricate in the details as last night, but still a really good time overall. I met up with this guy in Philly. He lives near the art museum so we decided to meet near there at a local coffee shop. It was very cool, and we were pretty comfortable with each from the get-go. We had a lot to talk about, which isn't surprising to me, but it was in the aspect that I didn't feel like we talked about date type things. There was very little small talk, and a lot of deep discussion going on. I felt like he was someone I could talk to for hours.

We had coffee, and talked for nearly 2 and half hours and we really talked about everything ranging from politics to music to marriage (not between us of course, just the idea of it in general). It was natural and very non-date like. I had a large cup of coffee, on top of the excessive amounts of caffeine I had already consumed today, I talked a blue streak. I don't think he minded too much, he seems like the good listener type. I did apologize a few times for the amount that I was dominating the conversation, but he claimed he was very interested in what I was saying. And I really believe him. He asked me plenty of questions about myself, and I did the same. There was a natural give and take of the conversation. I know it's not the longest date I've ever had, and usually anything clocking in under 3 hours I usually write off as not enough time to make a good judgment call. However, because this date was just coffee, and no meal or activity to distract from the conversation, I will chalk it up to a pretty successful date. We parted ways around 8:45, so exactly 2.5 hours. The goodbye was a little awkward, he mentioned that he had been really nervous about the date prior, but had a really good time. I agreed and he said that he'd give me a call. No hugs, no kisses, nothing physical at all. I'm ok with that, because it wasn't that kind of date. I hope he calls. Whether he will or not, I'm not sure, but at this point I'm glad just to be dating intelligent people again (not that CK wasn't smart, we just never really had any conversations that struck me as intellectual), and getting my brain back into this dating business. I've decided I'll take brains over brawn any day of the week.

Independence Day

Well, I'm back to dating. And I'd like to put my old dating habits behind me. You know, not overload my weeks with dating different guys. Except that's exactly what I did. The next week or so is just a busy week for me to begin with. This weekend is the time where I go camping with my friends (camping = renting a huge cabin in the Poconos, complete with fireplace and jacuzzi, drinking and playing games all weekend), so I'll be gone from Friday right after school until Monday. Thursday my mom and grandma are leaving for Florida so we're going to be having a dinner on Wednesday night. Thursday night is my training night at the gym, so that left only tonight and tomorrow open for dating.

Tonight's date went well. I'd be even so bold as to say that it went very very well, but I don't really want to jump the gun on this one. He had IMed me before on Jdate, and since I had been so caught up in the whole CK thing, I pretty much gave him the run around. I never said that I wasn't interested, but I was always very busy, just in case he asked me out I wouldn't have to tell him I was really dating someone else. Last night he asked if he could call me on his drive home from his parents' place in north jersey, and I wasn't doing much, so we ended up talking on the phone for over an hour. I really hate doing that before a date because it leads to false expectations I think. We decided to go out tonight (because it was the only night this week I had left... either tonight or next Wednesday!). I wanted to go to this cute diner/restaurant in Collingswood, and since he doesn't live far from there we decided to meet there. I warned him that I am frequently late, and he claimed that he's usually on time. Well, reverse that. He got stuck in a back up on the Ben Franklin that made him almost a half hour late and I was actually early, plus he got lost coming over the bridge and I had to call my friend to help get him there.

Once we got there, it really wasn't awkward at all. We had dinner, and shared a milkshake (2 straws and everything), he shared well... and I like that. We made easy conversation, and as far as I know, he has no girlfriend in Canada. About halfway through the date, we notice that they are setting up some sort of Karaoke machine on the table behind us. Thinking that we're going to be subjected to awful, out of tune renditions of Living on a Prayer, I almost suggested we get the check and go. Glad I didn't. Turned out to be Quizzo. Whoohoo. We made a pretty awful team at first (we were Team Salt - we got props for our classy name). He came around to my side of the booth, and we did the "same side" thing for the rest of the evening. We sucked at Current Events, round 1, scoring only 1 measly point, putting us in dead last. The next round was songs with numbers in the title, I kicked ass on this one, and he contributed to a few, but unfortunately we were still in dead last. The third round was Science Fiction which focused most of its questions on SciFi movies from the 80s, 90s, and today. He knew just about ALL of them. At this point, I think we moved into 2nd to last place, over Team OMG (they should've lost for a lame name anyway). The last round of questions was all about rain forests, and we did ok on that one, good enough to retain our status of 2nd to last. Now that it was time for the wager, we decided to go all in. Couldn't hurt us much, and if we didn't wager anything, we'd still lose anyway. The category was Hollywood promo stints. We both thought we were done for. The question - What 1996 movie was the first movie to air a commercial during the Superbowl and is the top 18th grossing moving of all time? (Or something like that) We hemmed and hawed over this for a few minutes. The answer I wasn't 100% sure of, but we took a guess on Independence Day (my suggestion). We were right, and ended up tying for second place overall. We got a $15 gift certificate to the restaurant, which was pretty sweet. He allowed me to keep the gift certificate, which was nice considering he had already paid for the entire meal. The wait staff and Quizzo folk were practically falling over us, gushing about how wonderful it was that we won on our first time here and now how we definitely need to come back again. It was kind of a strange/awkward way to leave things because we hadn't discussed if we would be doing something again.

After we left, we had to go to his car first so I could give him directions on how to get back to his place. We kissed in his car for a little bit, and it was a nice end to a really fun date. It wasn't the typical date that I'm used to, and I think I could get used to this.

Date tomorrow night, different guy.

Honest to Blog.

Ended things with CK last night. My day went from good and happy to raging mad to sad and done with it all. Here's how it all panned out. I sent CK a text message in the middle of the day, thanking him for coming out to Jersey, asking how his day was going... blah blah blah. Didn't hear back from him, and then proceeded to do some facebook research, and found pictures of the BFPE in Philly. On New Year's Day. AT THE MUMMERS' PARADE. I lost my shit. Completely. I went through all the stages of rage in a matter of moments (how many stages of rage are there? Is it like mourning? 6 stages? rage, more rage, extra extra rage, disbelieving rage, unadulterated rage, and I'll castrate you rage.) So, saying I was mad might be an understatement. Everything from the previous weeks clicked, with him having to "work" so much, not returning my texts, being inexplicably busy during New Year's. Rage. Pure Rage. I wanted to call him right then and there, tell him off and get it over with. I had sane rational friends with me at the time, and they talked me out of it.

I spent the rest of the evening agonizing and antagonizing the situation. I spent the entire afternoon/evening with friends just to keep from doing something irrational (that and my friend has Rock Band, and it kicks ass). I decided I had to do something before the girlfriend "came" (as if she hadn't already been here) or else I'd really regret it. So I sent him a text, just seeing how the rest of his day was. This was just the goad to get him to text me back. He replied that his day was fine, how was mine? I texted back "We need to talk." I think that is the most dreadful text anyone could send, but the only other thing I could think of to text was "LIAR!" (think: Carol Kane in Princess Bride). So we talked, and it was awful. First of all, he denied that she was even here. At all. And all I'm thinking is... well, I was looking at pictures. and I know they can do a lot with technology today... but seriously. She was here. On the streets of Philadelphia. And if he didn't know about it, well then that relationship is a lot weirder than I thought. But he stuck to his guns. He swore up and down that he KNEW she was not here. And I was not about to admit that I was stalking (ehm. researching) her on Facebook, so I said that I had a friend who had a friend at UArts who knew his gf, and mentioned that she had in fact been here on the 1st. I HAVE SEEN PICTURES. It's true. I would post them here, but that would ruin the poor girl's anonymity, and besides some of you might be eating or something when you read this, I don't want to cause any bodily harm to anyone. (that was low, yes, and it's not her fault her bf is a moron, but here lies a woman scorned... and my one friend did almost throw up when she saw the picture.)


So CK and I ended up talking in circles for about an hour or so. And finally it came down to this:

Me: I want to be with someone who wants to be with me.
CK: (getting defensive) if that's what you want to believe, then fine.
Me: I don't hear you denying it.
CK: I want to be with you most of the time. (meaning not when I'm being emotional or talking about what I want in this relationship)
Me: Well, that's not good enough for me, I want someone who wants to be with me all of the time.
CK: Why don't you take the week to think about things, figure out what you want.
Me: I don't need a week. I don't want to do this anymore.

And that was pretty much it. The BFPE is supposedly here, but who knows. It seems silly to me that she was in Philly... and then went back to Canada (and I do know - thank you facebook - that she did go back), just to come back to Philly for a week? Nonsense. But at least I'm done with this for good. I can't believe this dragged on so long. Not sure how long it will be between now and my next date, but hopefully I'll have something of interest to post soon enough.