Last night was different than I was expecting it to be. First off, the Israeli did not manage to make it to dinner with my friend and me. Which turned out to be for the best, I think. I don't know that I would have really enjoyed hanging out with him with the company of others... I have sworn that off, since we really are NOT dating. I called him around 9 when I was done dinner and back home, and he got to my place around 10 or so. We hung out in the living room area for an hour or so while he was checking his flight information and such. I decided that I wanted to go to bed kind of early because I knew he'd be getting me up super early when he got up to leave - since I'd have to get up too to let him out of the apartment. So around 11ish I started getting ready for bed. The plan had been for him to read more of Oracle Night and catch up to the part where I had last left off, and then we'd finish reading it together.
We were discussing what time he would need to get up in the morning, and he mentioned something about leaving the light on for him so he could see where he was going at 4:30 in the morning. I was being ridiculously stubborn (in hindsight) and told him that absolutely not was I going to leave a light on in the living room for 5 hours just so he could see in the morning. I told him he could turn on the light when he woke up. Well, this instigated probably the first (and hopefully only) fight I've had with the Israeli. He couldn't see why I wouldn't leave the light on, claiming it would cost me about 10 cents extra if it were on for that time. That's all well and good, but I'm not going to waste energy, and my roommate and I have been trying to conserve energy - and not by keeping lights on all night. We argued about this for a while, and he made some really obnoxious comments about how he obviously values people higher than I do, and that he's so surprised because I'm always so generous with everything else, that I must really be cheap when it comes to electricity. He also said that in Israel, people would always offer to leave a light on for someone if they were in an unfamiliar place and wouldn't care about the electricity. It must be an Israeli thing, he said (meaning being considerate!) He also said that I value electricity higher than I value people. Ooooh, I was so pissed off. I retaliated with the fact that he had never offered to leave a light on for me the countless number of times I have spent the night at his place and had to get up at 5 in the morning. I've stumbled and tripped over speakers, wires, shoes... and not once did he even offer to leave a light on for me. He responded that I had never asked. Of course I would never even think of asking because I would never leave a light on over night... and if he's so considerate, he should have offered without me having to ask. Right?
In between and after all that drama, he caught up to where I was in Oracle, and we finished reading the book together. Finally! It only took about 8 weeks for us to get through... and most of that was read within the first week that we had been dating. It was good in the end, and I will always have a connection with that book to the time I was dating the Israeli. After we finished the book, it was probably close to 1 in the morning, and I was tired. He wanted to fool around a bit, but I was still kind of irritated by the whole energy fight. He was very apologetic, and at one point while we were in mid make-out, he says to me, "there's something I want to tell you. I was going to write it down and leave in a note for you in the morning. Would you rather I tell you now?" In my head, I kind of freak out. My first thought is, oh no, he's going to tell me he loves me. And that's quickly followed by the thought of, or he's going to tell me he doesn't want to see me anymore when he gets back from California. So, of course I tell him that I want him to tell me. He says something along the lines of how I am such a caring and loving person, that if the warmth of my heart could be a light, he wouldn't need any electricity at all. Uhh... what? It was quite possibly the cheesiest thing a guy has ever said to me, and it was completely unexpected as well. I just kind of laughed and said, oh that was so sweet, thanks. He also told me that I can come over every night the week he gets back from CA, since we are both off until the following Weds. I think probably not. We went to sleep not long after that. He got up at 4 in the morning, and I walked him downstairs around 4:30. We said a quick and drowsy goodbye at the door (I was pretty much still sleeping), and that will be the last I will see of him until sometime next week.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Metrosexual
I've been avoiding posting for some reason, it may be the abundance of work, or it may be that Saturday night with the Israeli was so non-descript that I have nothing interesting to say.
He came to my apartment around 9ish. He met my roommate and her friend, where he was less awful than he usually is in social interactions. And I didn't feel the need to rush him out of the apartment as soon as possible like I usually do when my roommate meets the guys I am dating. I apparently have it down to a science. I manage to stand in front of the guy in the doorway between my kitchen and living room. My roommate enters through the kitchen, and I make a quick introduction over my shoulder. Since none of the guys are really tall, my roommate can't really get a good look at them. And if she could it would have to be quick because as soon as I've done the introductions, I usher the date through the doorway and out the already opened kitchen door into the stairwell. That's standard procedure for introducing my roommate to a date. But the Israeli stood in the kitchen and talked to my roommate and friend for a few minutes while I gathered my stuff together. (Which, however had already been gathered, but my roommate made me take off my jacket and put my bag down before he got there - so I couldn't rush the Israeli out of the apartment.)
The restaurant I wanted to go was booked solid for the evening, so we decided on a French restaurant on Smith. It was still a wait at 10 at night, but it is Dine-In Brooklyn week, so what do you expect? We had a really nice dinner, and I commented that this was the first time the Israeli and I had dined in a restaurant together. He argued that we ate out on our first date, which I responded that we've eaten out many times, just never in a restaurant, seated with a waiter and such. Fancy. The food was great and the wine was relaxing, and seriously I'm not sure how I became a girl who could get tipsy off of one glass of wine... but apparently I am.
We went back to his place, where he proceeded to model for me the clothes he had bought at Century 21 the day before. Most were ok, he's an Israeli who thinks he's European and dresses like a metrosexual. However, there was one t-shirt that just crossed the line. I honestly don't know anyone - straight, gay, male, female, ANYONE - who would be caught dead wearing this t-shirt he bought. He put it on, and I almost died laughing. Mean, I know. I wish I had a picture. Imagine an off-white cotton t-shirt, with the sleeves cut off, but not like a muscle t, more like a cap sleeve length, the bottom was also cropped so it hit above the belt on his (way too skinny) jeans. All this was bad enough without the pattern that was on the front of the shirt. It looked a bit like a Native American design, or a poorly illustrated tattoo design tee, symbols and muted colors like browns, oranges, greens, and reds... with a heart in the middle. It was the ugliest shirt I've ever seen. I did him a huge favor by laughing and telling him it was atrocious and to take it off.
After the fashion show, I was exhausted and went to bed. He stayed up and watched tv or something, I don't know. It was the first night we didn't go to bed together - or do anything - before sleeping. The next morning, I woke early and read more of Oracle Night (which we're reading separately now). We got out of bed around 9, and he had to be at a work event by 10 so I dropped him off on my way home.
He's coming over tomorrow night, and staying here because he's leaving at 4:30 in the morning to catch the train to JFK, and the A is much more accessible by my apartment than his. He's coming out to dinner with a friend and me, which means he will have met more of my friends than any guy (including the ex from last year) I've dated since moving to the city.
His family is coming to visit for half of April, all of May and into June. They are staying at his apartment... so he told me he will be spending many more nights at my place. We'll see about that. After his brother leaves on June 20th, he will have one or two weeks left before he leaves to go back to Israel. He's hinted that he has no place to stay when he's in the city - like he wants me to ask him to stay here - but that will be my last week of school and there is absolutely no way I'll even consider that.
He came to my apartment around 9ish. He met my roommate and her friend, where he was less awful than he usually is in social interactions. And I didn't feel the need to rush him out of the apartment as soon as possible like I usually do when my roommate meets the guys I am dating. I apparently have it down to a science. I manage to stand in front of the guy in the doorway between my kitchen and living room. My roommate enters through the kitchen, and I make a quick introduction over my shoulder. Since none of the guys are really tall, my roommate can't really get a good look at them. And if she could it would have to be quick because as soon as I've done the introductions, I usher the date through the doorway and out the already opened kitchen door into the stairwell. That's standard procedure for introducing my roommate to a date. But the Israeli stood in the kitchen and talked to my roommate and friend for a few minutes while I gathered my stuff together. (Which, however had already been gathered, but my roommate made me take off my jacket and put my bag down before he got there - so I couldn't rush the Israeli out of the apartment.)
The restaurant I wanted to go was booked solid for the evening, so we decided on a French restaurant on Smith. It was still a wait at 10 at night, but it is Dine-In Brooklyn week, so what do you expect? We had a really nice dinner, and I commented that this was the first time the Israeli and I had dined in a restaurant together. He argued that we ate out on our first date, which I responded that we've eaten out many times, just never in a restaurant, seated with a waiter and such. Fancy. The food was great and the wine was relaxing, and seriously I'm not sure how I became a girl who could get tipsy off of one glass of wine... but apparently I am.
We went back to his place, where he proceeded to model for me the clothes he had bought at Century 21 the day before. Most were ok, he's an Israeli who thinks he's European and dresses like a metrosexual. However, there was one t-shirt that just crossed the line. I honestly don't know anyone - straight, gay, male, female, ANYONE - who would be caught dead wearing this t-shirt he bought. He put it on, and I almost died laughing. Mean, I know. I wish I had a picture. Imagine an off-white cotton t-shirt, with the sleeves cut off, but not like a muscle t, more like a cap sleeve length, the bottom was also cropped so it hit above the belt on his (way too skinny) jeans. All this was bad enough without the pattern that was on the front of the shirt. It looked a bit like a Native American design, or a poorly illustrated tattoo design tee, symbols and muted colors like browns, oranges, greens, and reds... with a heart in the middle. It was the ugliest shirt I've ever seen. I did him a huge favor by laughing and telling him it was atrocious and to take it off.
After the fashion show, I was exhausted and went to bed. He stayed up and watched tv or something, I don't know. It was the first night we didn't go to bed together - or do anything - before sleeping. The next morning, I woke early and read more of Oracle Night (which we're reading separately now). We got out of bed around 9, and he had to be at a work event by 10 so I dropped him off on my way home.
He's coming over tomorrow night, and staying here because he's leaving at 4:30 in the morning to catch the train to JFK, and the A is much more accessible by my apartment than his. He's coming out to dinner with a friend and me, which means he will have met more of my friends than any guy (including the ex from last year) I've dated since moving to the city.
His family is coming to visit for half of April, all of May and into June. They are staying at his apartment... so he told me he will be spending many more nights at my place. We'll see about that. After his brother leaves on June 20th, he will have one or two weeks left before he leaves to go back to Israel. He's hinted that he has no place to stay when he's in the city - like he wants me to ask him to stay here - but that will be my last week of school and there is absolutely no way I'll even consider that.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Exits and Continuations
It's been a while, and I apologize. Really there's been nothing new to write about. The acupuncturist called me on Sunday night to "talk about last night." I had nothing to say, just as I had nothing to say the night before... and continued to tell him that. Basically, he repeated what he said, that he sees nothing wrong with leaving at 10:30/11 on a Saturday night. Obviously, I disagree. I am a master of twisting things when I want out of a relationship to make it so I don't actually have to do any of the ending of things. I don't like endings... but sometimes it just has to be done. The acupuncturist did not want this to end. He kept saying, "well maybe we both need to think about things, and talk later in the week." I reassured him that no, I did not need to think about anything, and nothing was going to change for me. I told him if he thought things would change for him (like staying out past 11 on Saturday now becomes acceptable), he was more than welcome to contact me, otherwise don't bother. (and yes, I really did say that using almost those words verbatim.) He said that he really wanted to think about things, and if things changed he'd call. I told him I wasn't going to hold my breath. The end. (acupuncturist exit stage left.)
Now onto the Israeli. I thought I had heard the last of him when I did not answer the call waiting on Friday night. I was irritated - for sure - but so long as I don't invite him out to any more group activities, I can still spend time with him one on one. So I returned his phone call, a little while later, but there was no answer. I knew he had lost his cell phone.. so I didn't call his cell, but I left a message on his home phone. I didn't hear from him all week, so I figured he was mad that I was irritated with him for leaving on Friday, and didn't want to talk to me. Thursday morning, I wake up for school as per usual around 6:45, and check my cell phone for the time, get in the shower, get ready for work. As I was going to put my cell in my bag on my way out of the door, I checked my phone again, and noticed I had a missed call. Weird. No one calls me that early in the morning (unless there is an emergency or something - which is of course what I think when my phone rings that early in the morning.) It was the Israeli, and he had called me at 6:50 in the morning. That was surprising. After having not heard from him in 6 days, I kind of expected not to hear from him, ever. And I was going to let that go, although I was going to have to call him to get my pillow back from his place - however I did consider even letting that go as well - it's just an extra pillow. So I returned his call, about an hour later, and again... no answer. So I left a message, and just kind of shrugged it off. I still didn't care enough. After school on Thursday I was online and he IMed me. He asked me if I was angry with him, to which I responded no... because I wasn't. Then he asked me why I hadn't called him all week, I threw that one back at him with the fact that I had called him last, and he didn't return my call until Thursday. His excuse? He lost his phone. Um.. yeah, but that didn't stop him from calling me Friday night or Thursday morning! So, yeah, I mentioned that, and he said he lost the paper which said what number his speed dials were, and he could have sworn I was number 7, but it turns out I'm number 8. Wow. So that was a pretty detailed response for the reason why he hadn't called. He asked me if I wanted to come over later that night. I already had dinner plans with friends, but I told him I would come by afterward.
I got to his place around 11, later than I had planned. He was being so sweet and nice when I got there, and he kept apologizing for leaving on Friday night. I told him it was ok, but he apologized over and over - and told me how much he missed me. I didn't know really how to respond to that. There were things I missed physically about seeing him, but I didn't really miss him all that much. It was nice though to know that if I was angry with him, he might actually care. Still, it doesn't change the fact that he is leaving in just 2 short months now, and that I am not interested in interacting with him in public situations.
That being said, I am going to dinner with him tonight. It will be the first time that we have actually eaten in a restaurant together. Weird. We've eaten together plenty of times, and we don't eat in all that often, so it's strange that we've never actually sat in a restaurant and had a meal together. He also will meet my roommate tonight, which means he will be one of 3 guys in the past 6 months since she's lived here that she will get to meet.
Now onto the Israeli. I thought I had heard the last of him when I did not answer the call waiting on Friday night. I was irritated - for sure - but so long as I don't invite him out to any more group activities, I can still spend time with him one on one. So I returned his phone call, a little while later, but there was no answer. I knew he had lost his cell phone.. so I didn't call his cell, but I left a message on his home phone. I didn't hear from him all week, so I figured he was mad that I was irritated with him for leaving on Friday, and didn't want to talk to me. Thursday morning, I wake up for school as per usual around 6:45, and check my cell phone for the time, get in the shower, get ready for work. As I was going to put my cell in my bag on my way out of the door, I checked my phone again, and noticed I had a missed call. Weird. No one calls me that early in the morning (unless there is an emergency or something - which is of course what I think when my phone rings that early in the morning.) It was the Israeli, and he had called me at 6:50 in the morning. That was surprising. After having not heard from him in 6 days, I kind of expected not to hear from him, ever. And I was going to let that go, although I was going to have to call him to get my pillow back from his place - however I did consider even letting that go as well - it's just an extra pillow. So I returned his call, about an hour later, and again... no answer. So I left a message, and just kind of shrugged it off. I still didn't care enough. After school on Thursday I was online and he IMed me. He asked me if I was angry with him, to which I responded no... because I wasn't. Then he asked me why I hadn't called him all week, I threw that one back at him with the fact that I had called him last, and he didn't return my call until Thursday. His excuse? He lost his phone. Um.. yeah, but that didn't stop him from calling me Friday night or Thursday morning! So, yeah, I mentioned that, and he said he lost the paper which said what number his speed dials were, and he could have sworn I was number 7, but it turns out I'm number 8. Wow. So that was a pretty detailed response for the reason why he hadn't called. He asked me if I wanted to come over later that night. I already had dinner plans with friends, but I told him I would come by afterward.
I got to his place around 11, later than I had planned. He was being so sweet and nice when I got there, and he kept apologizing for leaving on Friday night. I told him it was ok, but he apologized over and over - and told me how much he missed me. I didn't know really how to respond to that. There were things I missed physically about seeing him, but I didn't really miss him all that much. It was nice though to know that if I was angry with him, he might actually care. Still, it doesn't change the fact that he is leaving in just 2 short months now, and that I am not interested in interacting with him in public situations.
That being said, I am going to dinner with him tonight. It will be the first time that we have actually eaten in a restaurant together. Weird. We've eaten together plenty of times, and we don't eat in all that often, so it's strange that we've never actually sat in a restaurant and had a meal together. He also will meet my roommate tonight, which means he will be one of 3 guys in the past 6 months since she's lived here that she will get to meet.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Spring Cleaning
Last night the acupuncturist came over. I had so much food left over from Friday's dinner party that I insisted he come over and help me eat some of the food. I still have a ton left... Anyway, I've been really trying to make this work with the acupuncturist for almost 2 months now, but I can't deny that my feelings are not there as strongly as his seem to be.
He came over around 6ish, and instantly was all over me. (However, for the acupuncturist, being "all over" me is just kissing) I was not in the mood, because my feelings just aren't there for him instantly, and it takes me a while to warm up to him. He also brought me a present... not flowers this time, a book. A very sweet gesture, and he's definitely the type who thinks ahead and likes to do very sweet things like buy me a book that he had been telling me about. It's nice, and I'm sure he went out of his way to get me something he thought I would like. I feel like a jerk for taking it though... because I really don't know how much longer I will continue seeing him... if ever again.
We had dinner and talked, and it was good. I was slowly warming up my feelings for him, and eventually we ended up in my bedroom. Things did progress a little bit further than they have in the past 2 months, but still, compared to other guys and situations I've been in, this is still very tame and very slow. We spent most of the time, lying on my bed - dozing in and out. It was nice, but honestly I don't need a napping partner. Around 10:30, he said it was getting late and he had to get going home. I checked the time... 10:30? Late? No... he must be mistaken. Times where he had been over on work nights he has stayed much later. I was irritated by this, because I could have made other plans for my Saturday night that didn't end at 11pm. It was St. Patrick's day - and I turned down many friends' offers to go out drinking last night, not to have my night end before most of theirs began. I was irritated, and for the second time in 2 nights, albeit with 2 different guys. He could tell I was upset, and kept wanting to talk about it. Obviously, I wasn't going to say, yeah, you ruined my night by being a loser and needing to go home at 11pm... No, I said something along the lines of - There is so much time that passes in between when we see each other, and it takes me a while to feel comfortable with you again, and then when I do... you leave. Guilt trip. Awesome. I could tell he felt bad, and at that point I didn't even want him to stay, because my feelings were retreating back to unattraction. So he left, feeling badly for how I was reacting to his leaving. And I was not backing down. So, we'll see how long it takes for him to call me. To "talk about this" although, I have nothing to talk about really.
This week has been a cleansing week, I feel like I've gotten rid of a lot of clutter and quite possibly, both boys I was dating. It's like an early spring cleaning. Now, all that's left are the dishes from Friday...
He came over around 6ish, and instantly was all over me. (However, for the acupuncturist, being "all over" me is just kissing) I was not in the mood, because my feelings just aren't there for him instantly, and it takes me a while to warm up to him. He also brought me a present... not flowers this time, a book. A very sweet gesture, and he's definitely the type who thinks ahead and likes to do very sweet things like buy me a book that he had been telling me about. It's nice, and I'm sure he went out of his way to get me something he thought I would like. I feel like a jerk for taking it though... because I really don't know how much longer I will continue seeing him... if ever again.
We had dinner and talked, and it was good. I was slowly warming up my feelings for him, and eventually we ended up in my bedroom. Things did progress a little bit further than they have in the past 2 months, but still, compared to other guys and situations I've been in, this is still very tame and very slow. We spent most of the time, lying on my bed - dozing in and out. It was nice, but honestly I don't need a napping partner. Around 10:30, he said it was getting late and he had to get going home. I checked the time... 10:30? Late? No... he must be mistaken. Times where he had been over on work nights he has stayed much later. I was irritated by this, because I could have made other plans for my Saturday night that didn't end at 11pm. It was St. Patrick's day - and I turned down many friends' offers to go out drinking last night, not to have my night end before most of theirs began. I was irritated, and for the second time in 2 nights, albeit with 2 different guys. He could tell I was upset, and kept wanting to talk about it. Obviously, I wasn't going to say, yeah, you ruined my night by being a loser and needing to go home at 11pm... No, I said something along the lines of - There is so much time that passes in between when we see each other, and it takes me a while to feel comfortable with you again, and then when I do... you leave. Guilt trip. Awesome. I could tell he felt bad, and at that point I didn't even want him to stay, because my feelings were retreating back to unattraction. So he left, feeling badly for how I was reacting to his leaving. And I was not backing down. So, we'll see how long it takes for him to call me. To "talk about this" although, I have nothing to talk about really.
This week has been a cleansing week, I feel like I've gotten rid of a lot of clutter and quite possibly, both boys I was dating. It's like an early spring cleaning. Now, all that's left are the dishes from Friday...
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Grating
Tonight I had my very own dinner party for 5. Ok, it was supposed to be for more people, but only a few were brave enough to weather the storm outside, and truly I don't blame those who didn't come. Had I been in their shoes, I don't know that I would've left the comforts of my own home either. It was a nice group, 2 of the teachers from school came, and one brought her roommate... and the Israeli. I was counting on at least one of my guy friends to show up (one of whom is unintentionally obnoxious, and I thought would lessen the irritability factor of the Israeli.
The Israeli called me at 3, to see if I needed any help getting ready. Of course I always take on more than I can handle, so I was welcoming help wherever I could get it. He said he was going to the gym, and he'd try to be over around 6. This was fine because people weren't supposed to be showing up until 8 or so. He also said he'd be staying over, which I had already planned on that. He called me around 5 saying he just left the gym, and he had just got home from the gym, and still needed to shower, he was running late and would try to be there around 7. Still fine, my stuff was actually coming together much nicer than I planned, and I had gotten a lot of cooking done in a quicker time than expected. I showered and got dressed, and my phone rang around 6:50. It was the Israeli. Wow, I thought, he's actually early for once. (This boy is never on time.) Oh, but I shouldn't have assumed. He wasn't early, oh no. He hadn't even left his apartment yet. He couldn't find his cell phone, and was having a minor breakdown about that. I get pretty upset when I can't find my cell phone, but I can manage a day without it. He had been looking for his for the past hour or so, and still couldn't find it. I'm not sure exactly what he wanted me to do about it. Besides, I was trying to get done at that point all the stuff that I was counting on him to help me out with 2 hours ago.
He showed up around 8:15, not even a little bit early, late as usual. He proceeded to interact with my friends, in his normal Israeli (aka obnoxious) way. One of them is the one who dates only Israelis, so she had plenty to talk to him about. He seemed to get along fine with the other 2 guests as well, but he was grating my nerves. Everything he said, did, his presence was like nails against a chalkboard, and I just wanted him to stop talking, eating, breathing - even. I can not date this guy. I may be able to have a good time with him one on one, but the interpersonal interactions are way too much. I was looking forward to him staying though, maybe just to help me clean up and go to bed... but it's a snowy, dreary night. It's a nice night to have company. When everyone else was going to leave, he goes and gets his coat out. I looked at him kinda funny and said, I thought you were staying. He was more concerned with finding his phone and insisted that he had to leave. After that I wasn't just irritated, I was pissed off. While everyone was getting there stuff together, I was standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, every time the Israeli passed me, he'd rub my back. To which I would respond with a classic 12 year old behavior of shrugging him off of me. Every time. You'd think he'd get the hint.
I gave him a hug goodbye at the door, but that's only because I gave everyone else a hug there too. He called me about half an hour ago, but I was on the other line making plans for tomorrow with the acupuncturist - who is just looking so appealing after this bad Israeli evening - and I didn't answer the call waiting.
The Israeli called me at 3, to see if I needed any help getting ready. Of course I always take on more than I can handle, so I was welcoming help wherever I could get it. He said he was going to the gym, and he'd try to be over around 6. This was fine because people weren't supposed to be showing up until 8 or so. He also said he'd be staying over, which I had already planned on that. He called me around 5 saying he just left the gym, and he had just got home from the gym, and still needed to shower, he was running late and would try to be there around 7. Still fine, my stuff was actually coming together much nicer than I planned, and I had gotten a lot of cooking done in a quicker time than expected. I showered and got dressed, and my phone rang around 6:50. It was the Israeli. Wow, I thought, he's actually early for once. (This boy is never on time.) Oh, but I shouldn't have assumed. He wasn't early, oh no. He hadn't even left his apartment yet. He couldn't find his cell phone, and was having a minor breakdown about that. I get pretty upset when I can't find my cell phone, but I can manage a day without it. He had been looking for his for the past hour or so, and still couldn't find it. I'm not sure exactly what he wanted me to do about it. Besides, I was trying to get done at that point all the stuff that I was counting on him to help me out with 2 hours ago.
He showed up around 8:15, not even a little bit early, late as usual. He proceeded to interact with my friends, in his normal Israeli (aka obnoxious) way. One of them is the one who dates only Israelis, so she had plenty to talk to him about. He seemed to get along fine with the other 2 guests as well, but he was grating my nerves. Everything he said, did, his presence was like nails against a chalkboard, and I just wanted him to stop talking, eating, breathing - even. I can not date this guy. I may be able to have a good time with him one on one, but the interpersonal interactions are way too much. I was looking forward to him staying though, maybe just to help me clean up and go to bed... but it's a snowy, dreary night. It's a nice night to have company. When everyone else was going to leave, he goes and gets his coat out. I looked at him kinda funny and said, I thought you were staying. He was more concerned with finding his phone and insisted that he had to leave. After that I wasn't just irritated, I was pissed off. While everyone was getting there stuff together, I was standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, every time the Israeli passed me, he'd rub my back. To which I would respond with a classic 12 year old behavior of shrugging him off of me. Every time. You'd think he'd get the hint.
I gave him a hug goodbye at the door, but that's only because I gave everyone else a hug there too. He called me about half an hour ago, but I was on the other line making plans for tomorrow with the acupuncturist - who is just looking so appealing after this bad Israeli evening - and I didn't answer the call waiting.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Sleepover
Last night I had my first guy sleepover in my apartment in over a year! When I thought about it, I have had only one other guy spend the entire night in my apartment. I've had plenty of guys over, but they all have left in the wee small hours of the morning. Last night was great. A guy came over and I didn't have to walk him down the 3 flight of stairs at the very late hours of the evening (or early hours of the morning). Although, it was far from perfect.
I cleaned my entire room for the occasion. Those of you who know me well (and know what my room can often look like), know that this is a monumental event. It took me about 4 and a half hours. But it was really a very thorough job of cleaning, and organizing (something I don't do often), and figuring out what goes where. I may even this week do my laundry in Brooklyn (gasp!), something, after living here for a year and a half, I have yet to do. I do my laundry when I go home to my parents house, and up until this month, I have never really gone this long without going home. It has been over a month since I've been at my parents' house, and I will not be home again for another 2 weeks. I don't know if I can make the clothes stretch that long. (I do have enough clean clothes/underwear/socks to really go 65 days (approx. ~ I counted a while ago.) without doing my laundry... but I hope to never get that far.) Anyway, after hours of cleaning, the Israeli calls me and it's about 10pm. He says he wouldn't be able to get here until 11 or so, and maybe we should reschedule for another night. Oh, no. I was not having any of that. Not after I spent my entire night getting ready and cleaning. So I convinced him to come over (he didn't want to have to get up at 7:30 to leave when I left for work was the only reason he didn't want to come over).
He got to my place around 11:30 or so, and I was irritated because I felt like I had been waiting for him all night, and I hate waiting for guys. Nothing irritates me more. But.... He brought 2 slices from DiFara's pizzeria - which is by far the tastiest pizza I've had in Brooklyn. We went there before going down to Atlantic City, and this is the 2nd time I've had it. It's very very good. So, I was a little less irritated. He is a good hearted kid, and he really does do some sweet things. I do get so frustrated with him though. Anyway, I showed him around the apartment (all three rooms of it...), and we had some pizza. He was being very touchy/feely last night, and I was being very jumpy. Everytime he touched me, I jumped or squirmed or laughed.. which is not something that is uncommon for me. Every guy I've ever been with has told me that I laugh a lot when I'm being physically intimate, I'm not sure why that is. It certainly isn't a funny situation (ok. well, sometimes it is), I so think it's just a nervous habit - and I really can't control it. So, he kept trying to hold me or put his arms around me, and I kept squirming away from him, and laughing about it. I finally relaxed a bit, and things got a little more normal. It's weird because in his apartment, I'm as comfortable as if I live there myself. But with him in my apartment, it felt strange and out of place. I think because in his apartment he's always focused on so many other things, phone calls, work emails, laundry, etc... his attention is never 100% on me. But at my place, he had nothing else to fixate on, so it became all about me.
The rest of the night was nice, we fooled around, and then stayed up for a while playing a rhyming game. I know... we're strange. We play games and do riddles, and read together. All things which are not common for someone who is just a "yiziz" (israeli for a F'buddy), but we have this weird relationship on top of things. He threw my morning schedule off. I'm not used to having to wake someone up and worry about anyone but myself in the morning. We slept well together, but we're used to that by now. My bed is only a full, as opposed to his two twin beds pushed together, so we slept much closer than normal. But it was still comfortable. But in the morning I had to get him up out of bed, and make sure he had everything he needed for his shower, and such. He did slow me down a bit, and I managed to miss to my train... but I did catch an express that caught the train I had missed further down the line. Overall, I was less tired today than I expected to be. Must be the weather.
I'm having a dinner party on Friday night, where the Israeli will meet a lot of people I work with, and know a lot about him. He will be the first guy since my ex last year to meet my friends on purpose (taking guys to my friend's bar while she bartends doesn't count - it's not a social meeting.), and I'm a little nervous about his Israeli social skills (or apparent lack there-of).
I cleaned my entire room for the occasion. Those of you who know me well (and know what my room can often look like), know that this is a monumental event. It took me about 4 and a half hours. But it was really a very thorough job of cleaning, and organizing (something I don't do often), and figuring out what goes where. I may even this week do my laundry in Brooklyn (gasp!), something, after living here for a year and a half, I have yet to do. I do my laundry when I go home to my parents house, and up until this month, I have never really gone this long without going home. It has been over a month since I've been at my parents' house, and I will not be home again for another 2 weeks. I don't know if I can make the clothes stretch that long. (I do have enough clean clothes/underwear/socks to really go 65 days (approx. ~ I counted a while ago.) without doing my laundry... but I hope to never get that far.) Anyway, after hours of cleaning, the Israeli calls me and it's about 10pm. He says he wouldn't be able to get here until 11 or so, and maybe we should reschedule for another night. Oh, no. I was not having any of that. Not after I spent my entire night getting ready and cleaning. So I convinced him to come over (he didn't want to have to get up at 7:30 to leave when I left for work was the only reason he didn't want to come over).
He got to my place around 11:30 or so, and I was irritated because I felt like I had been waiting for him all night, and I hate waiting for guys. Nothing irritates me more. But.... He brought 2 slices from DiFara's pizzeria - which is by far the tastiest pizza I've had in Brooklyn. We went there before going down to Atlantic City, and this is the 2nd time I've had it. It's very very good. So, I was a little less irritated. He is a good hearted kid, and he really does do some sweet things. I do get so frustrated with him though. Anyway, I showed him around the apartment (all three rooms of it...), and we had some pizza. He was being very touchy/feely last night, and I was being very jumpy. Everytime he touched me, I jumped or squirmed or laughed.. which is not something that is uncommon for me. Every guy I've ever been with has told me that I laugh a lot when I'm being physically intimate, I'm not sure why that is. It certainly isn't a funny situation (ok. well, sometimes it is), I so think it's just a nervous habit - and I really can't control it. So, he kept trying to hold me or put his arms around me, and I kept squirming away from him, and laughing about it. I finally relaxed a bit, and things got a little more normal. It's weird because in his apartment, I'm as comfortable as if I live there myself. But with him in my apartment, it felt strange and out of place. I think because in his apartment he's always focused on so many other things, phone calls, work emails, laundry, etc... his attention is never 100% on me. But at my place, he had nothing else to fixate on, so it became all about me.
The rest of the night was nice, we fooled around, and then stayed up for a while playing a rhyming game. I know... we're strange. We play games and do riddles, and read together. All things which are not common for someone who is just a "yiziz" (israeli for a F'buddy), but we have this weird relationship on top of things. He threw my morning schedule off. I'm not used to having to wake someone up and worry about anyone but myself in the morning. We slept well together, but we're used to that by now. My bed is only a full, as opposed to his two twin beds pushed together, so we slept much closer than normal. But it was still comfortable. But in the morning I had to get him up out of bed, and make sure he had everything he needed for his shower, and such. He did slow me down a bit, and I managed to miss to my train... but I did catch an express that caught the train I had missed further down the line. Overall, I was less tired today than I expected to be. Must be the weather.
I'm having a dinner party on Friday night, where the Israeli will meet a lot of people I work with, and know a lot about him. He will be the first guy since my ex last year to meet my friends on purpose (taking guys to my friend's bar while she bartends doesn't count - it's not a social meeting.), and I'm a little nervous about his Israeli social skills (or apparent lack there-of).
Monday, March 12, 2007
Leap
I'm not the type of girl to get all wrapped up in a guy - and to get really emotionally involved in a relationship. I've had one really serious relationship in my life, which was a mixture of me convincing myself that I wanted something I really didn't, and just wanting to be in a relationship... Sad, but true. Since then, I consider myself to have been single for the past 2 1/2 years, with a brief relationship in the middle of that. However, he was emotionally uninterested in me, and that didn't really function as a relationship should, so while I was technically in a relationship - I was really single.
I moved to the city expecting something different than I found. I didn't necessarily expect to find the love of my life (is that even something I believe exists? I don't know.), but I didn't expect to date, and date, and date... until I nearly burned out from the entire experience. These past 10 months have been exhausting emotionally, mentally, even physically at times. I need a change. And while it's not coming in my relationships, my career, or my living situation, I decided to make the change happen myself. Also for the 2 years I have been living here, I haven't fallen in love with the city. I like living here, I love a lot about Brooklyn, and I might even go so far as to say I like teaching here - however I feel disconnected to the city. I'm sure it takes a few years living here to feel at ease or at home, but I don't know if I want to wait it out. So, I'm going to be leaving the city (potentially) in the fall to teach/work in a library in Europe. This is a new, very strange decision I've come to in the past few days. I'm ultimately not unhappy in the city, but it's not really what I want. I can't help shake the feeling that there is something so much more out there that I am missing out on.
I have never lived anywhere but on the east coast, New Jersey mainly, New York for 2 years, and Virginia for a cool 10 months my freshman year in college. I've never been far away from home for longer than a few months, and I don't know what it's like. I want to travel and explore, and right now while I'm not tied to anything or anyone seems to be the best time ever. I'm not getting any younger, and I don't want to wake up one day in my forties and say, wow... I should have done more when I was younger. This is the time to reach beyond what is safe, what is comfortable. So I'm taking a risk. I've applied to American schools in Switzerland and England. I don't know what will come of this, but I really feel like I will be leaving the city this year. Where to? I don't know. Maybe this is just a early-spring restless feeling, an itching to get on with my life.
I moved to the city expecting something different than I found. I didn't necessarily expect to find the love of my life (is that even something I believe exists? I don't know.), but I didn't expect to date, and date, and date... until I nearly burned out from the entire experience. These past 10 months have been exhausting emotionally, mentally, even physically at times. I need a change. And while it's not coming in my relationships, my career, or my living situation, I decided to make the change happen myself. Also for the 2 years I have been living here, I haven't fallen in love with the city. I like living here, I love a lot about Brooklyn, and I might even go so far as to say I like teaching here - however I feel disconnected to the city. I'm sure it takes a few years living here to feel at ease or at home, but I don't know if I want to wait it out. So, I'm going to be leaving the city (potentially) in the fall to teach/work in a library in Europe. This is a new, very strange decision I've come to in the past few days. I'm ultimately not unhappy in the city, but it's not really what I want. I can't help shake the feeling that there is something so much more out there that I am missing out on.
I have never lived anywhere but on the east coast, New Jersey mainly, New York for 2 years, and Virginia for a cool 10 months my freshman year in college. I've never been far away from home for longer than a few months, and I don't know what it's like. I want to travel and explore, and right now while I'm not tied to anything or anyone seems to be the best time ever. I'm not getting any younger, and I don't want to wake up one day in my forties and say, wow... I should have done more when I was younger. This is the time to reach beyond what is safe, what is comfortable. So I'm taking a risk. I've applied to American schools in Switzerland and England. I don't know what will come of this, but I really feel like I will be leaving the city this year. Where to? I don't know. Maybe this is just a early-spring restless feeling, an itching to get on with my life.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Rut
Went on a date with the acupuncturist today. It started early, around 5ish. We went to Starbucks and had some tea, and talked for a while. It felt like a weird thing to do, have coffee at starbucks after dating someone for well over a month at this point. It was like a re-visit to the earlier dates. Not that I feel like I have this great connection with him yet. Conversations are still kind of awkward. Compared to how comfortable things are with the Israeli, it's like night and day. With the Israeli I'm comfortable enough to let myself into his apartment, and our conversations are usually more daily life oriented, rather than getting to know you conversation. It is like we've been together for a lot longer than we have. With the acupuncturist every date feels like the early dates are supposed to feel. And it hasn't gotten easier yet. I'm taking things VERY slow with the acupuncturist, while the exact opposite of slow is how things happened with the Israeli.
So the acupuncturist and I went to starbucks and then to Joya for dinner (mmm. Thai.). We finished dinner relatively early, and came back to my apartment. And he must think I'm either the most prudish girl ever, or he is very patient. Either way he hasn't pressured me to move this physically much further than kissing. He stayed until about 10:15, so it was a decent date in length. There was a brief introduction to my roommate, and then I kicked him out. He probably would have stayed much longer had I allowed him to, so maybe he's not as patient as he's trying to come across. We'll see how long this lasts... at this point, he's already talking about plans for April.
I think this may be getting boring with only the same 2 guys. I kind of miss the thrill of the possibility a date could bring. Now I know what's in store before I'm even on the date. I feel like I'm stuck in this dating rut even though I'm enjoying what I'm doing, for the most part.
So the acupuncturist and I went to starbucks and then to Joya for dinner (mmm. Thai.). We finished dinner relatively early, and came back to my apartment. And he must think I'm either the most prudish girl ever, or he is very patient. Either way he hasn't pressured me to move this physically much further than kissing. He stayed until about 10:15, so it was a decent date in length. There was a brief introduction to my roommate, and then I kicked him out. He probably would have stayed much longer had I allowed him to, so maybe he's not as patient as he's trying to come across. We'll see how long this lasts... at this point, he's already talking about plans for April.
I think this may be getting boring with only the same 2 guys. I kind of miss the thrill of the possibility a date could bring. Now I know what's in store before I'm even on the date. I feel like I'm stuck in this dating rut even though I'm enjoying what I'm doing, for the most part.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Juggling
I went to Connecticut this weekend for my brother-in-law's sister's baby's christening. On Friday night, after I returned from the Israeli's, I spoke briefly with the acupuncturist. He invited me to a see a show with him on Saturday night, but I had already made the plans to be out of the city, so obviously I couldn't go. He was clearly disappointed, and since I hadn't seen him since last weekend, I could tell he was trying to figure out his schedule to see if he could see me this weekend at all. I invited him to come down to Brooklyn after he was done work (he had a late appointment on Friday night and would have been done around 9 or so.) but he had to be up early to do a lecture Saturday morning, and I had foolishly agreed to teach Saturday school this past week as well. Needless to say, it didn't work out for Friday, which was for the better for me anyway. I had already seen the Israeli that afternoon, and really needed to catch up on my graduate school work in which I have been falling farther and farther behind.
After getting up way too early on Saturday, and teaching 10 5th graders remedial math skills, I boarded the metro-north to Connecticut. Saturday and Sunday were nice days spent in the country on my sister's in-laws' farm. There was good food, good drinks, and good times spent with family. I also got to play with my new camera, and take pseudo artistic pictures.
Baby Fist - My favorite picture of the weekend.
Coming home on Sunday, I had made tentative plans to meet up with the acupuncturist for dinner. I called him to let him know I was getting on a train 2 hours later than I had expected, and wouldn't be back in Brooklyn until about 7:30. He didn't know if he was going to be done in time to meet up, and said he'd call me closer to then. So at about 6ish he called me, and said that he'd be able to meet up later around 8:30 or 9. I would have been fine with that, but he was coming in from Queens and knew he had to work today as well, so I didn't want him to feel obligated to come out and meet me. He said he just really wanted to see me, and he didn't care if it was going to be late. I wasn't sure what my plans for the week were going to be yet, and he wanted to make sure that he saw me before the weekend, since he didn't get to see me this weekend. I told him to call me around 7:30 to see if he really was up for making the hour long trip on the train to and from Brooklyn.
About 15 minutes after I got off the phone with him, my phone rang again, I half thought it was going to be the acupuncturist canceling plans for the night, because he realised the absurdity of it. It was the Israeli. He was calling to see if I was back from Connecticut yet. I told him I was on the train but would be back around 7:30. He asked me if I wanted to come over when I got back. Without hesitation, and without considering that I already made tentative plans... I said yes. We talked for a little bit longer, and the girl sitting next to me was giving me strange looks because I had clearly just made two dates with two different people for the same night. As soon as I got off the phone with the Israeli I called the acupuncturist. I told him that tonight probably would end up being too late, and I was getting up at 5 to go to the gym (true!) so I shouldn't be out late and could we reschedule for Tuesday? We agreed to Tuesday, and I felt really weird having just juggled dates between the 2 guys I am seeing, neither of them aware of the other's existence. The Israeli knew I went out with the acupuncturist on Valentine's Day, but doesn't know of any further developments (not that there is much to speak of besides some tea and coffee, and couple of kisses. Really.)
The show the acupuncturist invited me to on Saturday night that I couldn't make it to? A juggling show.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
4 weeks later.
When I spent the night at the Israeli's on Tuesday, he had mentioned something in passing about hanging out on Friday night. I didn't hear from him at all Weds. (with the exception of the text confirming that I did in fact leave my converse at his place that morning) or Thurs. So, around 4 this afternoon when I was feeling kind of anxious about it, I did something very girl-ish. I called him, under the pretenses that I was only calling him to find out when I could come by to pick up my shoes. I don't usually call the Israeli, ever actually, and especially not to make plans. I let him do the calling. I'm usually the passive-aggressive pursuer, choosing to rely on text messages over phone calls. I left him a message and saw that he was online when I got home from school. He IMed me - "You're really attached to those shoes?" was his exact comment. Why shouldn't I be? We chatted a bit online, and he asked if I wanted to come over for a few hours before he had to go to services tonight. For an Israeli who claimed to not be religious at all, he's been to some sort of Shabbat function the past 3 weeks in a row (and seriously, and it's only been 4 weeks (5 weekends) that I've known him.) 3/5 weeks of shabbat, sounds pretty religious to me. Which is fine, and I don't mind, but then don't claim to be not religious at all.
So I went over to pick up my shoes. He made some sort of remark that I should get there quickly. When I asked why he said, "oh, well unless you are really coming over just for your shoes." I took my time getting there - on purpose. I showed up about an hour later, knowing full well that he had to leave in about an hour. And for some reason as soon as I got there, everyone I had been trying to reach via phone/text the past few days chose that time to get back to me. My phone wouldn't stop ringing, and a few calls I answered (I know it's rude, but he ALWAYS answers his phone - unless we're right in the middle of something.. and then he won't. But otherwise, it's fair game.) I am going to CT to visit my sister, and my parents are coming up too tomorrow into Sunday, and the Israeli asked me when was the last time I saw my sister. I said that I think it was a little over a month ago, and his response was, wow that's a long time. I don't think so at all, and I happened to say to the Israeli - Well, I've known you for a month now, and I don't think that's a very long time. He responded, yes, but it feels like much longer, doesn't it? And he's right. It does. And I was having a conversation today with a co-worker about this very topic. Israelis are kind of intense with the way they spend their time. Today is the only time I've ever seen the Israeli that I did not spend the night at his apartment. (He also has been bugging me a lot lately about the fact that he has never been to my place - I have a roommate, he doesn't...why would we ever come here?). It feels like I've known the Israeli for a long time, as each one of our dates counts as at least one and half if not double the amount of a regular date. It also creates a greater sense of familiarity with the other person, because you are sharing so much time, space, togetherness...
Anyway, my time today with the Israeli was quick, and I ended up falling asleep on his couch while he was getting showered and ready for his night. I dropped him off at the bus station - and that was it. So different in so many aspects than our date that took place just 4 weeks ago.
So I went over to pick up my shoes. He made some sort of remark that I should get there quickly. When I asked why he said, "oh, well unless you are really coming over just for your shoes." I took my time getting there - on purpose. I showed up about an hour later, knowing full well that he had to leave in about an hour. And for some reason as soon as I got there, everyone I had been trying to reach via phone/text the past few days chose that time to get back to me. My phone wouldn't stop ringing, and a few calls I answered (I know it's rude, but he ALWAYS answers his phone - unless we're right in the middle of something.. and then he won't. But otherwise, it's fair game.) I am going to CT to visit my sister, and my parents are coming up too tomorrow into Sunday, and the Israeli asked me when was the last time I saw my sister. I said that I think it was a little over a month ago, and his response was, wow that's a long time. I don't think so at all, and I happened to say to the Israeli - Well, I've known you for a month now, and I don't think that's a very long time. He responded, yes, but it feels like much longer, doesn't it? And he's right. It does. And I was having a conversation today with a co-worker about this very topic. Israelis are kind of intense with the way they spend their time. Today is the only time I've ever seen the Israeli that I did not spend the night at his apartment. (He also has been bugging me a lot lately about the fact that he has never been to my place - I have a roommate, he doesn't...why would we ever come here?). It feels like I've known the Israeli for a long time, as each one of our dates counts as at least one and half if not double the amount of a regular date. It also creates a greater sense of familiarity with the other person, because you are sharing so much time, space, togetherness...
Anyway, my time today with the Israeli was quick, and I ended up falling asleep on his couch while he was getting showered and ready for his night. I dropped him off at the bus station - and that was it. So different in so many aspects than our date that took place just 4 weeks ago.
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