D-Date

CK and I hung out on Friday night. We had talked earlier in the week about hanging out some time over the weekend, I was hoping more for Saturday night, since I had to be up REALLY early Saturday morning and didn't want to have to leave early Friday night. He invited me to go a movie screening of Japanese propaganda films that were created during WWII that were being screened at an art museum in recognition of D-Day. I wasn't so keen on the idea at first, I would have much rather hung out at his apartment, played some guitar hero and watch a movie (I'm a bit of a recluse in the winter), but I wanted to see him and he apparently really wanted to see these films.

I drove out to Philly to his apartment first, we had a nice reunion. We exchanged some holiday gifts, he bought me a beautiful Chinese fan that is hand painted, and I bought him some cocktail glasses that he had mentioned wanting once when we were out together and a large bottle of gin. (He really loves gin and tonic.) We didn't get to spend too much time catching up, I got to his apartment late and we were going to be late for the movies. While we were driving over to the museum, my front passenger tire started to feel very flat. I had noticed it at first when I was driving into the city, and thought that I should check it out once I got to CK's place, but I was running late and it slipped my mind altogether. I was stressing (and probably freaking out a bit) about the thought of having a flat tire so soon after getting my car, not to mention that my tires are probably 3x the cost of a regular tire, due to the drug dealer/pimped out look my car is striving for. CK was really amazing about being reassuring and calming me down. We drove all over Philly trying to find a gas station. Apparently, there are very few gas stations in the city, but we finally found one. CK totally took charge and checked my tire gauge, and filled my flat with air. He then proceeded to check the rest of my other 3 non-flat tires, which I thought was pretty awesome - considering we were late for the movies at this point.

We made it to the museum a little bit after 8, and only missed one of the political cartoon shorts, but caught most of the second one and all of the movie. His friend and his girlfriend were meeting up with us there, but they got there later than we did and ended up sitting on the opposite side of the theater. We cuddled and all that good stuff throughout the film, and he was being extremely affectionate. After the first movie, there was a short intermission, so we met up with his friend and girlfriend then. I for some reason did not feel as comfortable around this friend as I had CK's other friends that I met before Thanksgiving. They were more hipster-ish, and not that I don't like that, I just always feel so plain and mainstream (and I totally am!) when I'm around super hipsters. I was completely awkward, but CK was a little awkward too, so it was ok. We debated on whether or not to stay for the second film. I was exhausted at that point, and knew I'd pass out during the movie if we stayed, and CK felt the same way. But for some reason, we stayed anyway. And true to our word, we both fell asleep during the movie - my head on his shoulder and his head on mine, we were out cold. The movie wasn't very good anyway, it was American propaganda about an American raised Samurai who, in not so many words, was responsible for D-Day.

Back at his place afterwards, I knew I shouldn't stay too late or else I'd have to stay the entire night and get up at 5am. After a cup of tea and a lot of making out, I opted for the latter. We were up for most of the night, and I got less than 2 hours of sleep before I had to get up and leave. He was going to get up with me at 5:30, but I told him that was silly, and I'd be able to let myself out. He didn't argue with that one. He texted me later in the day, and we were texting back and forth throughout the day. I hoped that I'd see him Saturday night too, but he texted me at 12:40 in the morning that he had just gotten up from a nap and was going out then. I had passed out on my couch around 10:30 or so, so that was not an option for me.

There was something different about the way we were together on Friday, and even with the texts on Saturday. It felt more like a relationship, but there's still so much uncertainty. My options are still open, I'm just not finding anything else I want to pursue at this time.

In Memorium

So, CK came back from China on Monday night, and texted me to let me know he was home. I sent him a message back when I got up in the morning on Tuesday, welcoming him home. He sent me a text later and said he would give me a call later on. He didn't end up calling due to staying at work late and jet lag. But he did text me, which was fine because there was a lot of drama at my house that night anyway and talking would be bad. He said he'd call me today, so I was expecting sometime in the early evening/night.

As of today, it's been 14 days since we've had a conversation. I got a voicemail while I was at school today, and thought that maybe it was my friend in Peru. I was a little surprised when it was CK. The message started out normal telling me that he had a good trip, but then he started sounding really upset, and said his day wasn't going so well. He then proceeds to tell me that his cat is very sick, and doesn't know if he's going to make it. He said that he wanted me know because he knows how much the cat liked me. I'm not sure what I was supposed to do after getting the message, I was still at school. But I knew I couldn't just ignore it. This was the first I heard anything from him in 2 weeks, I was definitely flustered by this one. I don't think that we're close enough yet for him to be calling me upset when his cat is sick. I am glad that he did, but I still didn't know what to do about it. Before I could even decide what to do, I got a text message from him saying that his cat had died. I knew how upset he must have felt, and I didn't really know what to do. I sent him a text message telling him how sorry I was and knew how much his cat meant to him. Also that if he wanted some company, I'd be around. This was an honest text, I was genuinely upset for him. His cat was great, he loved me for some reason, was always curled up on me, let me hold him. I'm not much of a cat person, but this one was sweet. So, I was upset for him really because I knew that he was going to be devastated, and also a little disappointed because I knew this is definitely going to play a factor in the next few weeks (months?) that we hang out. Selfish of me, I know.

He responded that he was going to stay at his parents' house, but we'd hang out later in the week. I called him on my way home from work, just to check in with him, and tell him how really sorry I was. He was audibly upset on the phone, but we talked for a good hour. I forgot how easy the conversation with him comes. We really do have a lot in common, and a lot to talk about. He talked a bit about his cat, but I didn't want to upset him more than he already was. We talked about China, books, life in general. With no plans to see him anytime soon, I'm just taking it a day at a time.

A friend I was telling the situation to says this is my chance to step it up and be "girlfriend" material, to be there for him. Be there for him when the BFPE can't. I'm going to try. If this doesn't work, then really... I'm done.

Not for long.

Maybe the old saying absence makes the heart grow fonder only works if the guy you are dating doesn't have a girlfriend. I have to admit in the past week, I have definitely missed CK. I have missed the time we spend together, talking with him, and really being around him. However, I have not missed the constant worrying about the BFPE, nor wondering if he's talking to her, planning time to be with her, blah blah blah.

I think this past week has given me some good perspective on what I want. I am not going to write off the relationship with CK just yet, however I think my intentions and where I see this going has changed. I am definitely ready to date someone who only wants to date me. I am pretty much done with any of the drama that comes with being the "other woman," regardless of how far away she is and how little of a chance they have of actually being in the same place for an extended period of time again.

I am super stressed out this week with the end of grad school. In 3 short weeks, I will be done all of my classes and I'll officially be a librarian. The onset of extreme stress has led to more thinking about things in my life that I'd rather leave off my mind when there's little I can do about it. There is something about being 27, finished school, with a clear direction in my life and waiting around for some guy to realize that he needs to break up with his girlfriend that lives in another country. Hmm. Yeah... one of those things doesn't mesh with my "life plan." Not that I have a solid one of those, but solid enough that I know that I don't need to encourage things that don't belong. So for now, I'll enjoy the pleasantries that CK brings into my life. But unless things change dramatically, he's not going to be around for long.

BFPE

Wednesday was THE night. Yes, I finally talked to CK about the BFPE. But I'll get to that later. The boring date details are first...

I had originally planned on going out with my friends from home the night before Thanksgiving. However, I had no desire to go to a local bar that charged way too much to just get in the doors to be reminded why I hated high school in the first place. I thought we were going to go out in Philly, so Tuesday night I had asked CK if he wanted to come with us. We talked on the phone for a while Tuesday night, and I kept thinking I should bring up the BFPE, but I never did. I made up my mind that if I did see him on Wednesday, I wasn't leaving until we had that conversation. So, when plans changed on Wednesday and my friends decided to go out in Jersey instead of Philly, I could have made the decision to not go out with CK, and not have the conversation.

When I talked to CK Wednesday night and told him about the change of plans, he invited me to go out with some of his friends instead. I was a little nervous about meeting his friends because honestly, I didn't know what I was getting myself into at all, and under what circumstances I was meeting these friends. I went over to his place around 9, and we hung out there for a while. I brought him books for his upcoming trip to China, like a good librarian (in 4 weeks!) should. Books are a level of contention for me, because I once dated a guy for a very long time (2+ years) who didn't read and it absolutely drove me crazy. Reading is fundamental for my happiness, and I'd like to share that with someone I am dating. CK originally pegged himself as someone with whom I shared similar book interests with, but apparently that was a facade, and he doesn't really read all that much. I am trying to change that by influencing him with my good taste in books.

Anyway, back to the date, we walked over to his friends apartment. I was really nervous because it's been almost 2 years since I've met the friends of a guy I'm dating. We got to his friend's apartment and we had some drinks with his friend (roommate from college), his friend's girlfriend, another friend from college and her roommate. It was definitely awkward at first but all of his friends were really nice, and I felt at ease quickly. We had a drink at his friend's apartment then headed over to a bar not far from the apartment. Despite being the night before Thanksgiving, the bar was basically empty, and there were great drink specials. The one time it's great to drink in the city? When everyone leaves to go home to drink in the suburbs!

We went from one bar to another when his friends were hungry and wanted to get some food. Up until this point it had been pretty casual between CK and myself. There had been a few affectionate moments, but nothing really that would differentiate me from just another friend. At the second bar, for most of the time CK had his hand on my leg or my arm, or something that made it a bit clearer to me that he was bringing me out with his friends as someone he considered to be more than a friend. After a few more rounds of beer and some pizza, I was definitely having a difficult time staying awake and functioning at normal speed.

Around 2 in the morning, we got back to CK's place. We had planned that I would stay over, so that part wasn't an issue that needed to be discussed. We were making out in his living room for a while, and then decided to move things to the bedroom. All this time, I still hadn't brought up the BFPE, and the more I thought about it, the more I knew I had to say something. We were getting into bed, and of course, I got into bed fully clothed. He made some sort of comment about how I could take off my clothes if I wanted to, and I replied with a comment along the lines of how that could make things "dangerous." He assured me that he had protection, and I responded that it wasn't the protection that I was worried about, it was more along the lines of the implications of what us having sex meant. We then had a mini-DTR, went something like this:
CK: So, what are you looking for?
Me: (groans) that is the worst question ever. I'm not looking for anything.
CK: Ok.... So, what are the implications then that you're worried about?
Me: Well, I'm thinking about 2 things. The first thing is that I have a really good time with you and I enjoy all the time we spend together.
CK: Me too.
Me: But, I'm also thinking that you have a girlfriend.... and those two things really counteract each other.
CK: Yes.
Me: So, I don't really know how this works, and what exactly it means for you to be in an "open relationship" (and I do think I used finger quotes for this.)
CK: Well, you're free to date other people if you want, and I would hope that you would make time to still be with me.
Me: Huh? I'm not seeing anyone else. That's not what I mean. I'm not looking to meet anyone else, I don't really buy into the whole "open relationship" thing, anyway. Basically, what I want to know is what is going on with your girlfriend, why you guys aren't totally together, or totally broken up (Ok, so maybe I didn't say this exactly - in hindsight it is what I should have said... but it was some round about way of asking what their deal was.)
CK: Well, I have the same agreement with her, we're still together, but we're allowed to date other people.
Me: Right, and there will come a time when you're going to see her, and I'm going to end up feeling really foolish.
CK: Well, I am going to see her. But I'm not looking to be in a serious relationship, or get married. (WHOA. Who said ANYTHING about marriage?????)
Me: Um... ok. (not sure if he meant her or me with that comment.) I don't really like thinking about something leading to marriage, because if it does, it does. If it doesn't then all the thinking and planning and talking about it doesn't really matter anyway. And trust me, I'm NOT looking for marriage, but I am 27. I have a job that I like, I am finishing my master's, I'm getting to the point where I know what I want, and what I'm looking for. I can tell you that I'm not looking to be someone's "on the side" or second best to anyone.

I don't really remember the conversation after this part. We talked around in circles a lot. He made it clear that it was my decision what I wanted to do, and he wasn't planning on breaking up with the BFPE anytime soon. I did ask him if they were in an open relationship that would eventually lead to them getting back together. He told me he didn't know the answer to that question. At what point though does the relationship become something not worth hanging on to? I think that's more of a question I need to consider though.

He's leaving for China for 10 days on Saturday, so I told him that I didn't want to upset anyone over the holiday or while he was away. The 10 days apart (which will be the longest time in between seeing each other that we've had since we started dating) will give us a good time to think about things and figure out what is going on. We're going to talk about this again when he's back from China, and even though we've talked about the BFPE, she's still far from gone. Hopefully these 10 days will give me some perspective about what I really want with CK, and what I can handle, and what I can't. I still have a lot of questions about the BFPE and the open relationship.

We did end up sleeping together, which was good and bad for many reasons. I may see him tonight/tomorrow, and drive him to the train station since he's flying out of Newark, and would have to take 2 trains from Philly. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going out of my way for him to prove that I'm better than she is... although, I'm driving another friend to the same train station on Sunday, so I guess it's not something that I'd only do for him. But maybe I shouldn't try so hard, and he can see what he'll be missing.

Will and Grace.

Today was the Philly marathon. My very good friend from Brooklyn was running the marathon with her father, and I promised her I'd come to see her finish. I mentioned to CK last time I saw him that I'd be in the city for this, and he said he'd come too.

I wasn't feeling great all week, the cough of death comes and goes in vicious spurts. I should probably go to the doctor. On Friday I was feeling bad enough to think that I might not make it out today for the marathon. But alas, I pulled through and made it out this morning. CK had called me yesterday to see what the plan was for today, and I returned his call no more than half an hour later, but he didn't pick up. I left a message telling him to call me if he wanted to meet up, and that I'd be in the city by 10 am. By midnight, I still hadn't heard from him, so I texted him just asking if he still was planning on coming, and if so, to please let me know. This morning, I woke up and still no word from CK. I was getting a little irritated with the fact that I hadn't heard from him, and when he finally did call around 10:15 while I was driving into the city, I was probably a little short with him due to the irritation. I decided it would be easier if he just met up with us at my friend's hotel after the race ended and we had all convened rather than have him try to find me in the mess of the marathon.

We met up around noon, and all of us (6 total - 3 had raced, 3 had not) hung out in the hotel room while the 3 racers showered and recouped enough to go get some food. While we were hanging out a strange conversation came up between CK and my friend's father. My friend's father mentioned that he was often hit on by gay men. CK commented that he too was often hit on by men (I was unaware of this). They were discussing how you politely reject a gay man, and the topic came up of how you can tell if someone is gay or not. My theory is that men probably don't think about whether the guy is gay or not before they hit on him. They probably just see a man they find attractive and give it a shot. Isn't that how it works all the time? I mean if you hit on a girl in a bar, you don't necessarily know she's straight either, right? I mentioned that there was someone I had seen on a hayride recently who was probably gay and didn't know it yet. This brought up the topic of people who may be gay but not know it yet. The guy I was talking about was young, probably in high school, and maybe he was already out... but after years of my parents and just about everyone else telling me I'm a "gay magnet," you start to pick up on things. Anyway, CK mentions that he has a friend who is most likely gay but doesn't know it yet. I asked him how he knew this and CK made some sort of comment, that I wish I had written down because it was so absurd. He said he could tell his friend was gay because he watched a lot of Will and Grace, and he liked it. I blasted him for this one. I seriously went off on him for a good 20 minutes about how a TV show can't determine someone's sexual orientation. My friend's dad found this extremely amusing and entertaining. Lots of examples were brought in, and CK and I debated this topic for a while. It wasn't a bad argument, I was just seriously dumbfounded by the stupidity of the comment he had just made. It made me look at him a little differently.

The 6 of us went to lunch, and throughout lunch my friend's dad brought up "gay" comments to CK, which I found hilarious. CK was a good sport about it, and took being picked on pretty well. He got a little defensive at times, but maybe that's because the girl he's dating and someone's dad were basically calling him gay for a good 2 hours.

After lunch, we parted ways. CK had ridden his bike to the hotel, so he had to ride it back in the rain. On my way home, I called him just to make sure he got home ok in the rain. He called me back, and asked if I wanted to come over and hang out for a bit. I went over and we played some Wii, watched The Graduate, and took a nap. It was a really lovely Sunday afternoon. We did not make out... at all. I'm hoping this is because of the cough of death (I had multiple cough attacks during the movie), and not because we're regressing back into "no action" territory. I'm hoping that it's just the cough. If it weren't for the occasional kissing, I'd say we'd have a pretty good chance of becoming the next Will and Grace.

Balance

I may never bring up the BFPE. This is something that I clearly have no balls to discuss. Last night there were MANY times when it could have fit sort-of naturally into the conversation, and I just wussed out completely.

That being said... there are times where I don't know what I want from this relationship with CK. Would I like him to not have a girlfriend? Obviously. However, I think he sees this as being maybe more serious than I do.

First, the date. Last I had seen CK was the night before I left for Boston. The sleepover, lack of sleep, crazy stress at school, and a plane ride later I came down with a wicked cold. I spent 4 out of my 5 days in Boston with a raging fever and cough to go with it. Didn't stop me from going out and enjoying myself, but I returned home with the remnants of an awful cold, mostly just the cough of death (you know, the wheezing, hacking kind that sounds like a lung might surface if you put any more effort into it). CK and I had texted a few times over the weekend, he told me he was looking forward to seeing me when I got back. So I texted him on Monday when I got home and asked him what his plans for the week were. He was going to a show on Tuesday, and said he would really like it if I could go. It was a loud, dancey kind of concert in a bar that is too small to hold that many people, and knowing how I felt, I knew I wasn't going to be happy if I went to this show. I asked him to call me on Monday night, so we could discuss. I didn't want to just say no through a text, and have him get the wrong idea. I also had this big plan in my head that when he would call, I'd casually bring up the BFPE and we could finally talk about this. But he called while I was making dinner, and my mother and father were both in the room, and it wasn't the right time. So, we talked about the show and he said he was hoping I would stay over again...and he seemed genuinely disappointed that I wasn't going to go to come out. So I told him depending on how I felt, I'd come out for dinner before hand, and we could get some drinks at the bar before the show - but I would have to go home relatively early.

I didn't feel great yesterday, but not bad enough to stay in. So I went to Philly where we had dinner at a cute restaurant. Walking to dinner, he mentioned something that struck me as odd. He was talking to me about his boss, and how she had just broken up with her boyfriend and was talking to him about it. Out of curiosity and nothing else, I asked how old she was. In my mind she was young-ish. Maybe mid 30s. He responded that she was older, maybe 48 or so and that I "had nothing to worry about." I asked him what he meant by that, and he said I didn't have to worry about his boss making a move on him. I responded that it wasn't his boss I was concerned about. I was hoping this could lead into potential BFPE talk.... but of course, it didn't.

Dinner was fine. On the walk over, we passed a restaurant that he mentioned he'd like to go to with me. Again, future plans... but no future progress. At one point he got a little flustered, and stumbled around asking me what I was doing for Thanksgiving. I don't think I'm at the point where I want to invite him over for the holidays yet, but I know from past history that he asks me what I'm doing when he wants to make plans. I told him my plans and asked him his. He talked a long circle around the fact that he really doesn't have plans, but might just go down the shore to see his parents. I thought about inviting him, for a hot second, but I refuse to invite someone to dinner with my entire family plus some who has a girlfriend, whether it be in another country or not.

After dinner, we walked back to his place for a short visit with his cats and to play some guitar hero. Seriously, that's it. Not even any making out. We're regressing physically (ok, I was deathly ill and probably pretty unattractive). But the Guitar Hero was fun. I'm getting better at it, so long as I just play the notes and don't think about it. As soon as I try to think about what I'm doing, I start to really suck. I should start a new blog just for my progress in guitar hero. It might be more exciting than my dating at this point.

HOWEVER, my school crush came back into the picture today! Woohoo. After a few weeks of us having very minimal communication other than the necessary school talk, I had given up hope in that area. I ran into him today in the hallway with my co-worker (who agrees with me that he is attractive in the geeky older sense), and we chatted about school stuff. Nothing new, and I made a good showing of my sex appeal by coughing up storm and whining about how sick I was feeling. Maybe he has a nurturing side. He shows up in my classroom, unexpected around 4pm. I was getting ready to leave for the evening. He joked with me about leaving so early, since he knows I'm usually in school until at least 5 or later. He waited around in my room until I was done closing up and ready to leave, and then said he'd walk me out. I had to go to the copy room to drop something off for tomorrow, and he came with. We walked out together and talked for a bit in the parking lot. He asked what I did over the long weekend, but talk was mostly centered around school stuff. He told me that I need to make sure I have a balance in my work life and social life. I wonder if he's interested in helping me balance that out...

movie theaters, mix tapes, and more action.

It has been one month since my first date with CK. I'm surprised how long this has lasted, especially because I didn't have any great expectations of this ever working out. To be honest, I still don't, but that's because of the BFPE, more on that later.

On Tuesday night, CK and I had plans to go see a movie. We were originally going to see an earlier show, but plans changed and we had to see a later showing instead. Since the movie wasn't until 9:30, we had some time before to kill. I went over to his place around 8ish, and he cooked up some (frozen - not homemade) samosas with a mango chili sauce, they were quite delicious. We talked about his upcoming trip to China, work, and life in general, but nothing about BFPE. We drank some gin and tonics and played some guitar hero as well. Which I have to say, I'm getting a little better at, I still suck, but not AS bad. When I got there I gave him cds (not mix tapes!) of 2 bands that I thought he would like, and he gave me a mix cd. Awww. Yes, my first mix from a guy since my boyfriend I broke up with over 3 years ago. It's a good mix from what I've listened to so far. A good blend of indie rock and bands I haven't heard of, so far I'm liking what I hear. I am NOT going to read into any of the songs that are on it, because it's just a mix of good music he thinks I'd like (however, if I were to make him a mix cd, I wouldn't put any songs on there that had questionably romantic lyrics - but I'm not reading into it!).

We walked over to the movie theatre around 9, and almost missed the show because we did get lost walking there. He bought the tickets and I bought the popcorn and drinks, a good compromise. The movie was great. We cuddled in the seats (even though they weren't the movie theater "cuddle seats" that have the arm rest that raises between the seats - he tried), and the movie itself was really enjoyable. My only complaint is he's kind of a loud movie talker. He hasn't seemed to master the art of whispering, or it just doesn't occur to him that not everyone in the theater wants to hear his thoughts or comments. But that can be changed, hopefully.. or maybe movie theater dates will be taken out of our repertoire.

The movie ended around 11:30, and we walked back to his place. He invited me to come up, and I knew if I was going to go up that late, I wouldn't be coming back down that night. Now I had already figured that I might be staying the night, so I had packed clothes in my car, just in case. I didn't want him to know that though, so I left them there. Once back in his apartment, we fell back into comfortable make-out habits, kissing and not much else. I wasn't going to spend the night just to kiss a guy, so things needed to move to the next level. He did ask me if I wanted to stay over and I pretended to think about it and eventually agreed. We moved the making out to the bedroom, and I was SURE things were going pick up speed then. But then we just cuddled and went to bed. Eventually there was some removal of clothing, and things did progress. We still have not had sex, which is fine by me, because he still has a girlfriend. There were a couple of points in the evening that I thought about bringing it up, and I do think about it more often than I did before.

Things I noticed:

• He called me "babe" - now this reminds me of the jdate for jesus guy, but CK pulled it off in a much better way. It wasn't out of place, but it is new.
• He told me he wants me to meet his friends.
• He told me he was going to miss me when I'm in Boston this weekend (where I am now!) and I assured him that 5 days is not that long, and he will be in China for much longer. He agreed.
• He texted me in the morning after I left telling me he was glad I stayed over.

All of these things made me smile, and left me feeling good about the date Tuesday night. So what now? The BFPE needs to go. This is my next mission, and I am thinking about asking him to dinner on Monday night when I get back to get this out of the way. If that one factor was not in the picture (literally - her picture is still on the wall, staring me down every time I kiss her boyfriend), I'd be on cloud 9. But this little detail is keeping me grounded in this situation and I want to resolve it. I don't think I want to give him an ultimatum, her or me, because I think I'm afraid he'll choose her. Every time I think about saying something I picture the conversation happening exactly the way it did a year ago with D. So for now, I'm going to enjoy my vacation in Boston, and leave the BFPE in Philly to be dealt with at a later date and time.

No Action.

So it continues... Last night, I hung out with CK, again. This time we went to see my friend's show and we went with my other friend and her fiance. Another double date of sorts, which was fine. The whole date was fine. Although, it's starting to feel like it may never progress further than fine. We're definitely dating, although I don't know how this is supposed to work in his supposed "open relationship." I would be pretty pissed if I found out he was dating someone else here, but if he already has another girlfriend, why does that matter?

The details of this date are not exciting nor very important. He came to my house around 6:30, and I made sure he didn't actually come inside my house because my parents and grandma were there, and I wanted to avoid a completely premature awkward scene. My best friend and her fiance met us there, and the four of us drove up to central Jersey to see a play. The ride was nice. We listened to some good tunes and talked, and it was fine. The show was good (Debbie was awesome), there was some hand-holding and couplely actions like that... but nothing new to speak of. After the show, we went to dinner with my friends, and it was a good, comfortable time. The drive home was fine. When we got back to my house, my friends left, and we kissed briefly, and then he left. No more action than that, yet.

So while I'm still waiting for some action more than holding hands and kissing... there are some positives here. Debbie says that it didn't feel like he was "new" to our group of friends and that I act better around him than I did with any of my other exes. This is a good sign. We were less physically awkward around each other this time, which was a good development and I think it's progressing positively. My friends like him, he continues to be interested (or so it seems) in me. He has the habit of asking me what I'm doing on certain days, and then never really inviting me to do anything. Like the concert, he told me about it but never really invited me to go to it... I think maybe in his mind, telling me about something, or bringing it up is his way of inviting me? I'm not sure, but for now, I'm the one who continues to make the plans, and he's very receptive to it, and reciprocates with the appropriate responses for someone who is interested in a relationship. Well, maybe not a relationship - but whatever it is that we're having right now. Fun? Still nothing more than hand holding and kissing, and it's been six dates already. I don't think I've ever waited this long in any other relationship I've been in. I'm not saying I'm ready to sleep with him, but I think I'd like to move this a little further on the physical scale. On Thursday of this week, it will be a month since our first date and when I see him on Tuesday, it'll be 7 dates worth... so we're averaging over a date a week. That puts him with the most actual dates in this blog, with the exception of the Israeli (who doesn't count... and me spending the night at his apartment hardly constitutes dating...). He also wins for the least amount of action with someone I've blogged about multiple times. Maybe I'm rushing things, maybe I should enjoy the slow pace this is progressing, clearly rushing things never worked in my best interest before. So, slow and steady wins the race? I'm going for the gold.

Not.

A year ago, today in fact, I decided to take a break from blogging to pursue a relationship with T, it was date #4, and each date had gotten progressively better... it just seemed like the time to stop blogging. Well, that all blew up in my face, and not a week later I found myself wondering just what I did wrong to make him not interested. I am worried about CK falling into similar patterns. I find myself constantly doubting things because of the way things with T turned out so suddenly, or the way the D situation unfolded only a month after the T situation. I find myself constantly having to remind myself that CK is NOT T, and he is NOT D. No matter how striking the similarities in situations may be.

I had a rough day at school today. Lots of unnecessary worrying about an observation that never happened, and not enough worrying about a spirit week competition that little did I know, I was doomed to win. Turns out, tomorrow out school I will have to dress up in the school mascot costume because I raised the most money during the lunch periods this week. Unfortunately, I was ambushed. The teacher who was beating me for most of this week turned on me today and all her friends (she's been at this school for years, and is a very well liked, respected teacher) put money in my container so I would win (I was the closest to her, so the least amount of money necessary to assure her loss - nothing personal, I hope.) Anyway, with a surprise donation from the principal, I won... and in reality... lost, because now I have to wear a big, sweaty lion's costume all day tomorrow. Today, in essence... sucked. I had spoken with CK earlier in the week, and he had mentioned hanging out one night this week. I didn't know if I would be able to due to work, grad school, spirit week, etc. After the day I had today though, I sent him a text message to see if his offer was still good. It was.

I went over his place, with the intention of hanging out and playing some Guitar Hero and Wii. Good times. I apparently suck at Guitar Hero, and am still relatively awful at the Wii as well (although, kick ass at bowling - go figure). We played for a while, and it was the same gradual increase of level of comfort that we've experienced the past 4 times we've hung out. We literally started on opposite sides of the room - and gradually moved close enough to be cuddled on the couch by the end. I enjoy his company so very much that I hardly noticed or cared or thought about the BFPE's picture that was still staring me down on the wall. Not true, at one point when he was out of the room, I got close enough to do a full inspection of the picture.

At this point, I know... I need talk to him about it. Every time we hang out, I get a little more emotionally invested. Everyone and their mother (or in my case, my classroom aide - because my mother, his mother, and my grandmother seem to be the only ones who see nothing wrong with the fact that he has a girlfriend) has given me their 2 cents on when and how I should bring this up. And I know I should because when push comes to shove, I need to figure out where this is going soon before I get hurt once again. We had a really great time tonight. He treats me like this is going in a direction of being more than just a casual thing. We talked about going to a concert together the night before he leaves for China. He is coming to my best friend's play this weekend with me and my other best friend and her fiance. He told me tonight that I am always welcome at his place, and I can come over whenever I want. All this is well and good, but I want something more that will let me know if I am over investing myself in something that will dead end on me in a few month's time because he decides he'd rather be with BFPE.

Exactly a year after T's infamous "cat and dictionary" invitation, I have my guard up and am waiting for the other shoe to drop. While, I still have to keep reminding myself that CK is NOT any of the guys that have hurt me or scarred me in the past, I also have to remind myself that I am NOT his girlfriend. at least not yet.

Big Fat Pink Elephant

Tonight was date number 4 with CK. The date itself was wonderful. Really and truly a fantastic time was had. I drove into the city, picked him up (we could have walked but it was raining rather hard at intervals during the evening), went to an amazing concert, and then I dropped him off back home. There's little detail in between that is relevant. A little of that awkward "it's too early for us to be really comfortable" kind of casual touching (i.e. his hand on my leg during some of the songs - yet only to be removed as soon as the song is over to clap), and some kissing, but nothing disgustingly PDA-ish.

In between the opening and the headliner, we talked, and I finally felt like we were getting to know each other better. He asked me some strange questions about if I thought children should be allowed to watch tv, and we talked about our families, plans for the up coming weeks, although I don't know how much time we'll get to see each other in November. I'm heading to Boston for 5 days the second weekend, and he's going to China for 10 days around Thanksgiving. But I do think things will progress further before any of that even happens. After the show, he held my hand as we walked to the car, which was new... and nice, I guess. I'm not a huge fan of hand holding, but it's not a deal breaker. I drove him home, we kissed in the car for a little bit, and then I left. No "see you around" this time - although there was something equally weird and awkward about the goodbye, although it wasn't enough to stick in my brain.

Yes, I believe he's still interested, and nothing was meant by the evasive "see you around" last time or this date's equally awkward goodbye that I can't remember - except that it was awkward. And even if he's interested, there are still some things that need to be discussed. One of those things being the girlfriend - whom shall now be known as the big fat pink elephant, as deemed by a co-worker. Nothing about her has been brought up. He doesn't bring her up and I still haven't found a comfortable way to ask what the deal is with that. However, he did offer to make me a mix cd, which in middle school terms, means we're getting pretty serious. Yet, a lot of this seems to be moving at the pace of a middle school relationship - we've held hands, kissed (nothing else physically yet), and now I'll have a mix cd to show for it. Maybe next time I can get my mom to drive me to the mall to meet him while walking around and not doing anything. But until then, there's still the big fat pink elephant that I need to get out of the picture.

See you around.

So a third date with the guy my mom set me up with happened last night (time for a blog name: Guy my mom set me up with will here on out be known as CK). Let's backtrack first to earlier in the week when I went to dinner with my parent's and grandmother. My grandmother is especially invested in this working out because CK's mom is my grandmother's landlady this summer. My grandmother always asks me how it's going and this time she told me a story about how she ran into someone who knows both my grandmother and CK's mom. My grandmother proceeds to tell this mutual friend that her granddaughter (me) and her landlady's son (CK) are dating. I freaked out when she told me this story, because honestly I don't want it to get back to CK that I'm going around telling people that we're dating, when we've only been out on 3 dates so far. My grandmother didn't see the problem with this - we are going on dates - therefore in her mind, we are dating. Oh the intricacies of a word.

Last night, I was supposed to have a hayride with school for the faculty. I was looking forward to it (not because my crush was going - because he was not!), but I wasn't really heartbroken when they canceled it due to impending thunderstorms. I had a hell of a week this past week, and could really have used a quiet low-key night. When CK and I talked earlier in the week, he mentioned getting together over this upcoming weekend, but I knew my week was jam packed and the weekend was as well. I had kind of given him a non-definitive answer on whether or not I could see him. We had played phone tag Wednesday night, and Thursday night - neither one of us ever there when the other called, so by Friday I had no idea what his weekend plans were either. When the hayride was canceled, I sent him a quick text letting him know that I was in fact going to be around Friday night and didn't have any plans if he was free. He responded almost immediately that he was and would call me when he got out of work. Friday was a busy day because on Thursday, I had bought a new car, and Friday was spent dealing with all the paperwork. I had to return my rental car (my old car is not in drivable condition), drive the guy from the dealership back (he brought my rental car), finish signing my paperwork, stop by my aunt's to show my aunt and my grandma my new car, go to my other grandma's for dinner, and then eventually go out. When I got to my aunt's house, I realized that my wallet was missing, and I had a mini-meltdown. Turns out I had left it in the rental car, and thankfully it was still there. My aunt and grandma (not the one who knows CK's mom) wanted me to tell them about CK, but he happened to call right then, and having missed his calls all week, I didn't want to miss this one. I quickly said goodbye to my grandma and aunt, and as I was getting on the phone, my aunt says loudly, "have a good date!" At least you can't see someone turn beet red over the phone. We decided a low-key night was best for both of us, and after I picked up my wallet, I scraped the rest of the plans and just went over to his place to rent a movie.

I got there, CK wanted to check out the car (which I am proud to say is a lovely thing to be seen), and then we walked over to the video store. We were going to rent Knocked Up, but it was taken during the time we were deciding if it was worth it or not (since I had already seen it, but was willing to see it again). We decided to rent City of God, which was very brutally violent and very graphic. It was extremely well done, and I think I really liked it, but it's hard to tell with a movie like that. We watched the whole thing, start to finish. We drank beer, and sat awkwardly close to each other, and I was very aware of his presence the entire time during the movie. Towards the very end of the movie, he put his arm around me. That's all that happened during the movie. After the movie, he kissed me and there was some cuddling and kissing on the couch. It was completely innocent, and nothing more than kissing happened over the 5 hour span that I was there. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't going to do much more than that anyway, being that he has a picture of his girlfriend in the room we were making out in. Granted, I've seen this picture before, which is how I knew it was his girlfriend. But to be kissing someone who has a girlfriend, with her picture staring me down, was something I had no comfort in. It was still a nice evening, cuddling and kissing while the rain was pouring down outside. It was cozy.

While we were talking, he kind of invited me to a concert on Wednesday, but never really asked me if I wanted to go. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that yet. He made me tea before I had to drive home, and while I was drinking the tea and waking myself up to drive home, he asked me what my plan was. My plan? for... tonight? for the week? for life? He didn't specify. So I took the immediate plan, and said I was going to go home because it was late. He agreed that was a good idea, and said there would be other nights. Other nights for what? He walked me downstairs, kissed me goodbye (and it was a very nice kiss - which he commented on), and then said, "See you around." What kind of goodbye is that? See you around? I'd love to know what he meant by that. My friends think he was nervous and didn't know what to say. I think it could have been a weird brush off. I'm not sure.

Will there be more to come with CK? I'm thinking about texting him about the concert on Wednesday because the venue was changed and he apparently didn't know about that, but I'm not sure that I want to go. But maybe, I'll see him around.

There's little else going on, my crush is still there and a good distraction at school, but nothing new to speak of in that area. My life is busy, but relatively boring. Come December, when I'm done graduate school, I hope all that will change.

Double Date

On Friday I went on a double date with the guy from Monday. I went with my best friend and her fiance and the guy. It was strange to have a second date as a double date, but it turned out fine enough. My friends drove into the city, and we picked up my date on the way. I was pretty nervous about my friends meeting this guy, especially because I still don't know the direction this is going in. My friends also have really never thought any of the guys I've dated were really good enough for me... so I always worry about what they think (not that it's ever stopped me before).

Anyway, we picked him up at his place and headed to Northern Liberties. We went my favorite bar/bowling alley, and had dinner. Dinner went really well. There was some time spent the four of us talking, and then there was some time spent talking just the two of us. We talked about everything from politics to music, and had a good time with my friends as well. We got around to bowling after dinner, and I sucked completely. I'm not a very good bowler on a good day, but on Friday I sucked worse than ever - all of us did actually. Well my date was the best of all of us, which I think was a good thing. I chalk that up to Wii bowling. I must invest in one so I can improve my bowling scores.

After 2 atrocious games of bowling, we hung out for a while at the bowling alley and then headed over to Center City for some delicious gelato. We were a good foursome, we each spent time talking. He talked to my friend while I talked to her fiance, he talked to the fiance while my friend and I hung out, and he and I got to spend a good amount of time together as well. We stayed at the gelateria until they closed. We drove my date back to his place. This was the part I was worried about. Should I walk him to his door? Should I say goodbye to him in the car? I decided to walk him out. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the lips, a little more romantic than last time, but still not a "make-out" kiss (which was a good thing - my friends were waiting in the car). He said he'd like to get together again, and I told him to call me (which I don't do!) and he said he assured me he definitely would... whatever that means.

What I'm struggling most with is deciding whether this is going to go in a friend direction or a relationship direction. My friends want me to invite him to a hayride we're going on next week, but I think I'd like to have another one on one date before another group date. A group date could push things into a more friends-only category. If we could hang out one on one, I could see better where I think this going. I'll just wait and see when I hear from him, and decide what I'm going to then. But so far so good... maybe mother does know best.

Deja Vu

I've been on this date before. Well maybe not really, but I've definitely been in this position before. Here's how it all started...
My mom met his mom down the shore. His mom started talking to my mom, they both discovered that they had children of the same age, who were both single (or so they both said), living in the same area. They decided we should meet. My mom came home from the shore and insisted that I look him up on Myspace. I did, and his profile clearly states that he's in a relationship. Ok, well nevermind. I forgot all about this, until my mom brought him up again a few weeks later, telling me that she talked to his mother and he's not in fact really in a relationship. She says that I should really email him... ok, fine. So I send a weird email to him, because really what can you say when it clearly states on his page that he's in a relationship? I put some stuff out there about having recently moved back home, blah blah blah. It was a strained, awkward attempt at an introduction.

He emails me back and sort of explains that his relationship is in transition, and definitely open, and he's available to meet new people. I'm not sure really what any of this means, but I think he's cute based on his pictures, we seem to have some similar interests, and that's enough for me to at least go on one date with the guy. He called me on Wednesday night of this past week, and we talked for about an hour. I was definitely looking forward to tonight's date, despite the fact that there was a possibility that he might still be involved in a relationship.

We met up at his apartment in Center City. I know, not a smart move on my part, but we only met there because he has a driveway, which is killer for the city. I didn't go into his place, just purely used it for the driveway. The first thing I thought when I saw him was that he was definitely cuter than his picture. Not a bad start. We walked over the South Street, and ate dinner outdoors. It's nice to be able to eat outside in October, but to be honest, I'm getting a little tired of the heat and am ready for some cool autumnal weather. The conversation was good throughout, and there are little nuances he has that reminds me completely of D (mainly he has a Wii and an ex (or non-ex in this case) still in the picture). We sat and talked for a good while, and the conversation ran smoothly. A good date, for sure. But there's still this feeling of is this guy single or interested or anything, hanging over my head.

After dinner we walk back to his place (of course we do, my car is there!). He asks me if I want to come in and see his place. Hmm, this might get interesting - I think. But really, all he does is show me around his apartment, barely. And then takes me on a short tour of the church that is attached to his apartment. It's totally torn out on the inside, being renovated. And he has the whole living quarters plus church all to himself. Add the factor of the driveway onto that equation and it's a pretty sweet set-up. So we hang out in the church for a while, and talk at the bottom of the stairs... and finally, the girlfriend comes up. I definitely brought this up... somehow. He mentioned a girl or something, and I said something to the effect of "oh is that the girl you're kind of in a relationship with?" He responds in the affirmative. And there is a bit of awkward explaining as to why they are not together, mostly it has to do with the fact that she moved to Nova Scotia, and he did not.

We parted well, an awkward hug which I laughed off saying something to the effect of how these things are always weird. Then he walked me out, gave me a kiss on the lips, and we agreed to another date possibly this coming weekend.

So, this leaves me in a similar position as I've been in before. Do I want to get invested in a guy who is clearly still involved elsewhere? I am going to see him again, so I guess I will play it as it comes. I don't ever like playing second best, but we'll see how it goes.

As far as the first set up ever by my mom, not so bad. I'd definitely let her set me again.

Meetings.

Life is slow these days, at least on the dating front. I haven't been on any dates, and the salesman seems to have picked up on my "not interested" vibe and has ceased calling. My only saving grace these days is my school crush. I know I shouldn't write about it here because of the risk of someone finding out, but I'll live dangerously for now.

I had a meeting where my crush was present today. It was a brief department meeting, and did not require any one of us to stay very late. I assumed that as soon as the meeting was over, my crush would be out the door. I stayed around to talk with two of my co-workers, who were discussing the quality of their daycare teachers that both of their children attend. I smiled at my crush and said something to the effect of, I'm glad I don't have to worry about that. He was hanging around too, and it wasn't very clear as to why. He didn't seem to have anything important to say or anything further to discuss, but he was clearly hanging around. I was walking back to my classroom with my co-worker, and he came with us. My co-worker left to go pick up her son, and I just assumed that my crush would be leaving shortly there after. No, he stayed, for close to half an hour. We talked about school, and graduate school, and a little reference to life outside of school... but still, half an hour in my room. We joked around a bit, and the conversation had a professional, yet flirty, feel to it. He stayed until the custodian came in, kind of cautiously, and asked if she was interrupting something private. It must have seemed very intimate, with just the two of us talking in the doorway of my classroom. He stayed for a bit longer after that, but with the custodian in and out of my room, it felt strange for the two of us to stand there, in her way, talking. The choices were either, I leave my classroom, he comes fully into the classroom, or we end our already long conversation.

There is something to be said for him staying all this time to talk to me, I think, and in all the jobs I've ever had, I've never had a crush on someone who I actually had a chance with. This is just something very new. He mentioned stopping by my classroom on Friday, but my classes will be testing in the library all day, so he assured me he would stop by sometime next week. I'm constantly flustered by his appearance in my room throughout the days when he does stop by, but I do continue to look forward to our meetings.

Slurpee Salesman

I've been promising this blog for a few days now... and I should be sleeping, or doing graduate school work, or regular school work... but I'm blogging. Sunday night was my first date since I moved back home. It was weird telling my parents that I would be going on a date, and kind of embarrassing, because I'm living at home, and am now 27... Hopefully by the time I'm 28, I'll have enough money saved up to have already bought my new house. Wishful thinking. Back to the date. The guy is 31 (I must have a thing for that age these days, 31 = same age as my crush), and actually went to the same high school as me, but I think he graduated a year before I started there. It's unlikely that I would have known him anyway, I'm sure we ran with different crowds.

The short of it: (because I'm too tired to retell the whole date.) Nothing exciting.. an hour or so at Starbucks, soup at Ponzios... he asked me if I wanted to go to his place. I said no. He kissed me, it was ok. He's called me twice since then. The end.

Is he a nice guy? Yes. Definitely. Very social, and we had no problem keeping up conversation. Am I attracted to him? I don't think so. He does have very nice blue eyes, but I don't think that's enough to make it count. Here are just a few of my issues:

• He never went to college. (I have a big problem with that... I know, college isn't for everyone, but it's essential for me, so I can't imagine not going.)

• He's bald. and kind of looks like my ex.

• He slurps his coffee, and his soup. I witnessed both.

• He's had gastric bypass surgery, which is not a problem, but that he can only eat food in small doses totally is. I don't like to eat more food than my date, ever. So that meant dinner on our date was a bowl of soup. I finished mine (and probably could have eaten something a bit more substantial), he had a few spoonfuls and was done. That was a turnoff. I think I'd rather date a guy with some meat on his bones who eats more than a dude who eats less than an ounce of food per meal.
  

And the kicker...

• He's a car salesman. I felt like at every suggestion he made to me, he was trying to close a deal. I don't necessarily trust the intentions of a guy who I feel is trying to sell me something, even if it is just the idea of another date.
  

He texted me that night to see if I got home ok, I didn't respond the message until the next day. He called that night and we talked for about 10 minutes or so, because he was at his friend's for the Eagles' game. He called tonight, a few minutes ago. I didn't pick up because I'm too tired to talk, and I didn't want to have to think on my toes about how to deflect his next sales pitch.

Today's best search that landed them on my blog was: "my date tried to suck my toes." I have NO idea how that one would go, but I would LOVE to hear that story!

How you get here.

So there have been a lot of hits on this ol' blog lately... and I have to say some of the people finding this blog are probably not looking for it. Some of the strangest ways some people have come to read my rants and raves about the dating world caught my eye.
Today's top 5 ways that my blog was found were through the following Google searches:
5. Dating an Israeli (I can answer this question for the one who is looking for answers... it sucks. don't do it.)
4. jdate for non jews. Well, people... they call it Match.com, and it's open for everyone. Again, Jdate is not for Jesus.
3. Summer Corduroy. Hmm. I don't know. really, I don't. Probably a no-no, but so many people wear white after labor day these days, I think all fashion rules are null and void (Except for tapered jeans, with a belt and a tight polo shirt. That one still doesn't work in my book.)
2. brooklyn girl blog dating disaster. Ok, so this person was probably looking for the blog... but c'mon who doesn't have the link out there? Bookmark it already people.
1. What date does summer end? Well the answer is not here, but I know it. The equinox is on Sept. 23rd this year. Probably not how I would phrase that search, but if you Google that question, my blog is on the first page.

My blog also comes up for first date disasters, second date disasters, ignoring text messages after a date, jdate phone#, my dating diary, and Scott Plasky (seriously feel bad for this one, I didn't mean for that to happen, but whoever googles his name always gets to my page).

I used to think that only people I knew read my blog, but there are people far and wide who read it. This started as just a way to keep my friends up to date on my dates, so I didn't have to retell the same crazy story over and over again. It's become so much more. So even though I'm not a Brooklyn girl anymore, and I don't date in the city either, the blog will live on.

I went on a date last night, as is apropos for the Sunday of my birthday weekend, I'll tell you all about it later. I'm beat.

Crush

I have a crush. This is something so weird for me because I can't remember the last time I had a real honest to god crush on someone. I don't work in a profession that often opens itself up to the work romance, the men in teaching are few and far between. And the ones that are there are usually either A) married, B) old, C) gay or D) all of the above. [...]


The rest of this post has been edited because I'm an idiot and told someone I worked with about the blog. If you want to read it, let me know, I'll send it to you...

Avoiding...

I've been avoiding the blog. I don't want to write about the Israeli leaving. I don't want to write about the huge fight we had before he left (yes, ANOTHER one!), I don't want to write about how I had an extreme moment of insanity and locked myself in the bathroom (true story), and I don't want to write about how he told me that he loved me. After all of that.

And after all is said and done, he helped me move out of my apartment. I was mean to him. And he helped me more than any of my friends who have been my friends for years helped me. Moving out of my apartment was no small feat, and he did it without complaining, and tolerated my madness - for 11 hours, after fighting for many hours the night before. I am an awful person.

The fight - since it's really the only interesting part left of his stay here... here goes:

Thursday night was my dinner. I had about 12 friends there, and while I have a lot of friends who know each other, I had more there that knew no one. I felt like I was all over the place, trying to talk to everyone, and maybe I felt like since I spent so much time with the Israeli that week, it was ok if I didn't spend as much time talking to him during the dinner. I let him fend for himself, and he did just fine. He talked to my trainer, a guy I used to date and his new girlfriend, and one of my work friends for most of the night. Every time I looked over in his direction he was engaged in a conversation with someone, so I felt like he was holding his own. After dinner, a few of us went over to a bar for some drinks and a game of Scrabble. There were 5 of us, and not enough tile holders for 5 teams. I suggested 2 teams of 2, and one team of one. I volunteered to be on the team of one, which left the Israeli with my trainer, and my two home friends together. We're all pretty competitive, and I played as I would as if I were playing against any of my friends. I didn't treat him any differently, and I didn't think that was going to be a problem. When we got back to my apartment later that night, I could tell he was not acting like his normal self. I was uploading pictures from the night, and he went off into the other room to start packing. Once my pictures were up, I asked him if he was coming to bed. He said he'd be there in a little bit, and then came to bed after I was asleep. We slept on opposite sides of the bed. This was the first time his entire stay that this happened, and after such a good night on Wednesday night, it was kind of upsetting.

In the morning, he was still upset with me, and I asked him why. He denied that he was, and I had to go to the gym so we didn't have a lot of time to spend together. We had originally discussed meeting up around 3 in the afternoon, after he was done his errands. When he called at 3, I wasn't done packing and he still wanted to do some shopping, so he said he would call me later. During that time, I made plans to go to a concert with a friend, and assumed that the Israeli would want to come with. When he called later, he was angry that I had made plans, and said he didn't want to spend his last night in New York at a free concert at the South Street Seaport. This didn't make sense to me, because the Israeli loved music, our first date was to a free concert, I thought it would be a good way to end things. So, I went to the concert, and he called me around 10 to see what I was up to. I was just finishing dinner with the friends I went to the show with, and was in a very good mood on the phone with him. He took my good mood to indicate that I would be ok with him going out later than planned that night. He was wrong.

When I got back to my apartment it was around 11. By the time I was able to get a hold of him, it was nearly quarter after. I had a very classic New York moment, as I got into a fight with him on my cell phone outside of my apartment. Why I didn't go in, I'm not sure. I knew at that point that he wasn't going to be coming back any time soon, so it's not like I was waiting outside for him. Anyway, on the phone we really got into it. He was mad at me because I didn't want to go out, he was mad at me for going to the concert, he was mad at me because I wouldn't leave him the key to my apartment. I told him he could either come home soon (read: before midnight) or I could put his stuff outside and the homeless people could have it. He told me that he would come back at 7am the next morning to help me move, but he wanted to have fun on his last night in the city. This made me so angry because he already had a last night in the city, 3 months ago, and he used the same argument when we got into a fight that day (anyone see a pattern??). He then proceeded to tell me that I treat him like he's dumb (which is probably true), and I should see the looks I give him when he makes a mistake. So, we're arguing on the phone, while the Israeli is supposed to be hanging out with the new girl who took over his position and her sister. When I asked him why he'd rather spend time with someone he just met rather than me, he responded by saying that he wasn't going to get to see her for at least a year. I was flat out dumbfounded by this remark. He had just met her THAT day. Who cares when the next time he saw her was. He might not see me ever again at this point (is what I wanted to say to him...) and all he cares about is hanging out with some girl who he just met and her sister. So, while at first I was angry that he was being stubborn about coming home, when he said this I was enraged. Furious.

When he finally got back to my apartment, it was after 1, which means he didn't leave the Tea Lounge until after midnight, I had enough time to really fester up some serious fuel for my anger. I was steaming when I had to go down to let him in, and I didn't say anything at all to him, I just glared. I continued to ignore him when we got back into the apartment, and I don't know what I expected him to do, he was just as angry with me. He started to pack his stuff to leave. I didn't want him to leave, but I wasn't ready to talk about. So I did what every crazy girl would do. I went into the bathroom, and locked the door, knowing that I had his glasses in the bathroom with me, and he wouldn't leave without them. And I told him this from behind the locked bathroom door. He told me that since his glasses were worth $400, he would just take something from my apartment that was worth that much and leave. If I wanted my stuff back, I'd have to give him the glasses back. I don't know if he thought this would get me to come out of the bathroom, but it didn't. The only things worth anything in my apartment were either already packed, too big for him to realistically carry out of my apartment, or on my person (my own glasses). I could hear him looking through some things, I heard him turn on the tv, I heard him stomp and sigh around my apartment for however long I was locked in there. Finally, I heard him on the computer. Oh no. I was not going to be locked in the bathroom while he was online. So, I hid his glasses (yes, I was that crazy) and left the bathroom and unplugged the internet. So mature. Really.

We eventually got to talking, and we were able to talk about all the things that were bothering both of us. He felt like I treated him like he was unimportant when my friends were around, and that I treat him like he's dumb. I accepted both of those criticisms, because I do have the tendency to do both of those things. I apologized. He told me he loved me. It was in the middle of a conversation though, so I didn't have to respond. I didn't say it back. I did tell him that he once told me that he didn't believe in love, and had never told anyone that he loved them. He told me that he hopes it's not always this difficult.

After we spent all day Saturday moving me out of my apartment, and the Israeli was a HUGE help, it was time for me to take him to the airport. I'm not sure if the sadness was from leaving my apartment and leaving Brooklyn or the Israeli leaving, but I definitely cried... to the airport, at the airport, on my drive home. He wants me to come visit him in December. I've looked into it, but I haven't found any good flights. Visiting probably the holiest of lands during the holiday season, yeah... I'm probably not going to get a good flight.

So, the Israeli is gone. I really wish our last week had been different. If I hadn't been moving, I'm sure it would have been. I feel badly about how awful I was to him, especially because time after time, he was nothing short of amazing to me.

Shower

the Israeli is the shower. I'm blogging in secret. Tuesday night, I did in fact get the kitchen packed completely. I did also receive a phone call at 8:45 from the Israeli saying that he was just getting on the bus, and did not know how long it would take to get home. At 9:10, I get a text message from the Israeli saying that the bus hadn't arrived, and wouldn't arrive until 9:13. I was already mad at him, and when he got back to the apartment I picked one of the worst fights I may have ever picked in my life. Basically, every doubt, insecurity, and irritant I ever felt with the Israeli from the past 6 months came pouring out of me. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was because my trainer made a point to tell me I deserved better - and pointed out red flags I could have seen before - but regardless, I spent a good long hour telling the Israeli everything I did not like about our relationship and how he had treated me in the past 6 months. It felt cathartic to be so honest. I felt terrible at the same time, because I didn't want these few days to be miserable with the Israeli. I was very worked up, and very emotional... to the point where I made the Israeli cry because he felt like he had never hurt someone as badly as he hurt me. Hmmm. Well, maybe I over exaggerated a bit how hurt I had been... but it was good to actually see some emotion from him. He used the "L" word a few times, but he never came out and said "I love you." Which, much to my relief, I didn't have to come up with a response to. He was going to leave and stay with other friends, and part of me really wanted to let him go. But I knew I would feel terrible if I let things end that way. So we made up, and things were teary and a little weird... but ultimately, it was fine.

Wednesday, I had a session with my trainer in the morning, so the Israeli went to go do his laundry and run some errands. When he came back to the apartment, he had brought me a whole breakfast from the place we ate lunch the first day he was here. It was really sweet, and I could tell he was trying to make up for how badly he felt the night before. We went to Target where the Israeli got some clothes that were a little less Israeli... and in my opinion, a little more normal. We then had plans to meet up with his friends who he knows from Israel, but they live in New York now. I had never been introduced to any of his friends while he was here in May, and really didn't think any of them knew anything about me. Apparently, this one couple had heard about me, but still he had never introduced us before. His friend was playing a violin concert on the Upper West Side, so we went to that and then we went to dinner with his friend, her husband, and some of the other members of her quartet. It was quite an eclectic group and the Israeli really seemed to be in his element. It was a very diverse dinner party, as it was determined that I was the only true American at the table. Most of them had their green cards, and had been living here for many years, but there were 3 Israeli born, 3 Russian born, 1 Turkish, and 1 Canadian... and me, a red blooded Yankee through and through. I think socially the Israeli does better in situations like these, because they are more diverse and his mannerisms don't seem so out of place. However, the other 2 Israelis are much more Americanized. The Israeli's friend came up with a whole plan on how the Israeli is going to move here... to be with me. She said he should come back for grad school, and since I'm moving to Philly/South Jersey, he should look into Penn or Temple. And then he will live with me, and... Ok. Enough. I don't want the Israeli to move here, not for me at least. If he does end up coming here for his Masters degree, than that's one thing... but I'm not going to wait around for him. And I'm not going to to hold my breath hoping that he does. At this point, I'll be sad to see him go, but I think it will be easier this time to move on.

This morning we had a late breakfast and then the Israeli went off to run some errands while I stayed home and packed up more of the apartment. Tonight is my going away party where the Israeli will get to meet many of my friends here in the city. Some he's met before, most he hasn't. I'm interested to see how he survives socially in a much less diverse population (he'll be the only non-American this time!), although I'm afraid I already know how this is going to go...

A night to myself.

Well, I'd like to say it's been nothing but bliss since the Israeli arrived late yesterday morning.... but, I'd be lying to you if I did. He arrived at the apartment around 11:30, right around the time when I was officially freaking out that he had somehow gotten his flight information wrong (I checked LaGuardia airport - there were NO scheduled flights from Seattle!), or that he had missed his plane, I even checked for plane crashes. None of this happened in fact, he flew in on time to JFK, and should have had a fairly easy time getting to my apartment from there. His flight landed at 9:30, and I can't actually imagine it really taking 2 hours to get from JFK to my place, but somehow it did.

The reunion was very nice. I was nervous as anything going to answer the door, and how no idea how the greeting was going to go. We hugged, and then kissed, and then made our way upstairs where we hugged and kissed some more. The afternoon was really lovely. He gave me the presents that he bought for me while he was traveling, which include a pen, a key chain, and a necklace. Lovely stuff indeed. We spent a while in bed, and then got a delicious brunch (even though it was well past lunch time) at the Boerum Hill Food Co. - a favorite of mine that he had never been to. We came back to the apartment and took a nap, on and off throughout the afternoon. We were going to go to the movies, but a friend of mine invited us to dinner with her brother and sister who were in town visiting this week, and I really wanted to meet them. So off to Joya instead of the movies, where we had a good dinner... however, the Israeli in public was something I had forgotten about. I felt myself getting more and more irritated with his mannerisms that I had so easily forgotten over the past 3 months. Dinner was amazing though, and it seemed to go fairly well, although the Israeli was being... well, Israeli.

After dinner, we came back to the apartment, and my (now ex) roommate was here, trying to finish up some of her packing. Moving is stressful for anyone who is involved, and I asked the Israeli if he would mind taking a ride up to Inwood to help my roommate move her things so she wouldn't have to schlep it on the subway. He was fine with that, and I offered it to my roommate. She declined the offer to help, and maybe there was just too much tension in the air, so the Israeli and I went for a walk to give my roommate some space to clear out what she needed to do. We walked up to the Promenade, and even though it was drizzly and rainy, it was a beautiful night. While I vented out the whole moving process, the Israeli was great. He was understanding, and very supportive of my ranting and raving during the entire walk. We reached the Promenade, and just sat on a bench and enjoyed the views of Manhattan and the Brooklyn Bridge. We walked down to try to get some ice cream at the Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory, but they were closed. We walked back through Brooklyn Heights, peering into some of the amazing brownstones and talking about our dream houses, and what we would do with it all if we had the money to spend. We stopped at McDonald's for some ice cream (the only place left that was open at this hour on a Monday night!), and walked the rest of the way home in the rain.

My roommate was gone when we got back to the apartment, but I was unsettled by how the situation was left between us. Between raging and moping about it, the Israeli was really great the whole night - talking to me in Hebrew (he's trying to teach me some... I'm learning slowly), and joking around. We went to sleep around 2, and the Israeli was going to come to the gym with me this morning. I slept on and off throughout the whole night. After sleeping alone for 3 months, sharing a bed/space takes some getting used to.

I practically had to drag the Israeli out of bed in the morning and to the gym. He had to go on a tour with a consultant as part of the free offer for the gym, but I had to meet with my trainer so I couldn't stay with him. He came over during my session and was fairly awkward in his introduction to my trainer (although no more awkward than he is usually...), so my trainer thinks I can do better. I'm not saying I disagree. By that time this morning, I needed some time to myself. Nearing 24 hours straight with the Israeli, the first thing I said to my trainer in the morning was "I'm ready for him to go home."

The Israeli spent the day at his old job, so I had time to pack. I got almost all of the kitchen packed, and I'm pretty pleased with my progress. If I can do 1 room a day, I will be done by Thursday! I was supposed to be done by the time the Israeli got here, but who am I kidding? I'll be glad to be packed before my brother comes with the truck Saturday morning! The Israeli called to invite me to go to dinner with him and his friend that I met before he left and her husband. I am in no mood for company, and the awkwardness I felt about making them speak English last time because I was there, was still there, so I decided to avoid the awkward situation and have a night to myself. I was definitely irritable with the Israeli before he left to go over there, but I think that's just my general mood these days. He told me he'd be back by 9. I told him if he wasn't back by 9, and if he didn't call me, I wouldn't talk to him for the rest of the time he was here. I have 2 hours to myself, and I plan to spend them in the best way possible. A glass of wine, some loud music, and trashing everything that's left in my kitchen. Exciting.

to be continued...

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

"I'll give you 3 guesses for what could be worse than a 1st date with the Yeah, Yeah guy." This was a text message I sent mid-date on my bad second date with the Yeah, Yeah guy. I was wrong to think that I should look past his social awkwardness and maybe he would warm up after another date. This date was awkward from the get-go and did not ease up one bit over the course of the 5 hours. If anything, the awkwardness intensifies when you realize that it's not getting any better.

The Yeah, Yeah guy sent me an email asking me out for this weekend, originally Saturday, but I had already made plans, so I suggested Friday night. I would have much rather have gone out on Friday than tonight, but this seemed to be the only night that was going to work. I should have just canceled. We made plans to meet up at Union Square to see the Simpson's movie, which I was looking forward to seeing, and did thoroughly enjoy. It's bad when you can fill enough conversation to last through that little bit of time when you are waiting for the movie to start, right? It was bad, but I was hoping we could at least make some sort of small talk. No... I would ask lots of questions, and he would respond, and sometimes follow it up with a "what about you?" But he didn't generate any of his own questions. And I don't believe it was because he was uninterested in me; I do believe it's because he may not actually even know how, or it doesn't even occur to him. So, a lot of the conversation ended with me shaking my head at something he said, waiting for him to follow up with something... and then a few minutes of silence until I could comment on something or ask him something else.

After the movie (which was a blissful hour and a half where no conversation was needed!), we went across the street and had dinner at Max Brenner: Chocolate by the Bald Man, which was in fact delicious and the highlight of my evening. While we waited for our table, the Yeah Yeah guy went outside to smoke a cigarette (which is when I texted my friend), and I immediately thought that him smoking would be a great out as to giving him a reason why I thought this wasn't going to work. That's pretty bad to be thinking up excuses to tell someone why I don't want to see them again before we're even sat for dinner. It's so Aiden and Carrie for me to be like "I can't date a smoker." But, I really don't like dating smokers, and I don't want to have to tell this guy that he's too socially awkward (and I have dated LOADS of socially awkward guys, so he must me really awkward) and makes me uncomfortable. Smoking seems like an easy out. Dinner was ok, dessert was most delicious (although the conversation sucked throughout the entire meal - which kind of makes everything taste a little bit worse). I insisted on splitting the bill with him, because I didn't want to feel like I owed him anything. He walked me to the subway, and I went to give him a hug. I think he may have tried to kiss my cheek, because I heard a strange kissing noise near my ear. I pulled back before there was any contact.

I think the problem with this second date, unlike my second date with other socially awkward guys - like T or D - is that I ran out of things to say. I felt like I had exhausted ALL of my conversation with him from the first date, could find little to pick up on from then, and then had a small bank of conversation to draw from at the beginning of this date. He didn't make any effort to keep up his end of the bargain by at least asking me a question or something that was related to ANYTHING we had talked about last time. So, if he's socially inept enough (which I think he might be) to ask me out a 3rd time, I'll know better.

The Israeli comes back tomorrow! I can't believe it's been 3 months since he left. I can't believe I didn't hook up with a single person the entire time! A whole summer of a few dates, but nothing physical... this way I can tell the Israeli I was saving myself for him.

What's love got to do with it?

I am feeling so conflicted right now. I am in the process of dating and seeing many people in the city, yet I have this connection to the Israeli that makes me want to leave all of that. He's been in contact a lot more in the past few weeks than he has been in the past 2 months. I got an email from him a few days ago where he told me that he wanted to cancel the Canada part of his trip so he could come back to New York and spend more time with me.

He's constantly telling me how much he misses me, and that he can't wait to see me. He was supposed to take a train ride cross country from Seattle to New York, and then spend his last 3 days with me in the city. He has now changed his plans, so he's going to fly into the city 2 and a half days early, and we end up having about 6 days total together. Still, 6 isn't that many. And I feel myself getting more and more attached.

I'm moving out of the city the day he flies home. My brother will come to the city that morning and the Israeli, my brother, and I will move out all of my furniture. This will be my last day, both in New York and with the Israeli, it's kind of fitting. The Israeli will fly out late that night, so we'll have the rest of the day once I'm all moved out. It's nice to have all this closure at once, I just fear that I will be a complete wreck.

We had a strange conversation tonight...
Israeli: i want to use some words...
Israeli: but don't know their effect
Me: i don't know what you mean
Isreali: well...
Isreali: maybe i'll tell you when i'll see you...
Me: hmm. ok. now I'm curious..
Isreali: yeah.. it's a good word... hopefully

and then later....

Isreali: I really really ____ you... so... it was good to know it's true
Me: ______ = miss?
Isreali: you'll have to wait for that one.....

Now, there are only a few words I can think of to fill in that blank. I don't know if I'm ready for what I think it is.

Yeah, Yeah.

After a long week of car trouble, and spending more time than planned at my parent's house (although I guess I should get used to it... moving back there in a few weeks seems less appealing every day.), I finally managed to make it back to the city today and to go on a date.

I met this guy through match.com, and I believe I made the initial contact with him. It was a long time ago, I remember - I think I may have sent him a wink. He was attractive, and a children's librarian. Why not? So, we started emailing (and I swear this has been going for at least a month), but then I went to Vegas, and then he went to Maryland, and we couldn't find any common time. Tonight - at last - we met up for coffee (at the same cafe that I went to with the acupuncturist on one of our few dates). I thought the conversation would have gone a bit smoother, we should have had a lot to talk about. We both went to Rutgers - and we both transferred there from smaller schools in other states - and we're both librarians. That should be common ground enough.

We did have a long lengthy chat about Harry Potter. But I feel like I have to censor myself whenever I talk about the latest HP because I was talking about it with a friend on the train the other day, and we were talking about the ending, and I said "Oh in that part where ______ dies??" (Note: this is not a spoiler. You all know SOMEONE is going to die.) but on the train, I actually said the character's name. The woman sitting next to my friend was reading HP, and I could have potentially ruined it for her. I blame my friend for asking an unspecific enough question, but yes... I should've known better. So, long story, I just felt like I kept whispering when I would talk about all the "spoiler" parts of the book. It was an interesting conversation though. So as the librarian and I (or as the NY Times would call him, a "guybrarian") chatted, I realized that when he was engaged in the conversation he was very well spoken and intelligent, and I enjoyed our conversation. When I was talking about something unrelated to a topic he could really contribute to, or when I went off on a tangent (never!), his reply constantly was "Yeah, yeah." Sometimes it was a triplicate yeah. But there were a lot of yeahs being dropped.

I know it's important to show someone that you are paying attention, but this wasn't that kind of "yeah." This would come at the end of something I had said, and although not everything I say warrants a response, but SOME of the things I say do! I felt like I was constantly ending conversations on his "Yeah, yeah" and not know where to restart it, so I would ask an inane question or start another rambling monologue only to be followed up by a yeah.

We did manage to fill two hours of conversation, and then we decided it was time to leave. I didn't even get to see what he had been wearing until he stood up to go pay the bill (he had been sitting at the outdoor table when I arrived). There was an orange t-shirt (which looked fine and normal from the seated position - I'd even go as far as to say cute even), tucked into off white pants of a strange texture. I'd say they looked like corduroy texture, but not as heavy. Maybe a summer corduroy, do they make that? And belted, of course. Nothing completes a casual t shirt, white pant look better than a belt. But I think, clothes aside, he wasn't very comfortable in his own body. At least he didn't appear to be. He is really tall, like 6'3" or maybe 6'4" even, and gangly. He reminded me of my 15 year old cousin who just had a growth spurt and doesn't know how to work his arms and legs yet.

He walked me to the train, and on the way he asked me if I liked the Simpsons. I replied that I do, and he asked me if I had seen the movie yet, which I haven't. I really didn't see this as a set up for a second date, but I was wrong. He then said, well that sounds like a good idea for a second meeting. I gave him a very awkward hug which I think started out as a handshake, and then I wished him a happy birthday (it's his birthday tomorrow) and we parted ways.

Thinking about it, I wouldn't mind seeing him again. Actually I'd like to see if he loosens up after a few dates. He seems like he could be really cool once you get past the awkwardness. Yeah?

What do you value?

My friend and I flew home from Vegas Thursday night, and arrived early Friday morning, east coast time. During the flight, we boarded last, we couldn't find seats next to each other, so we had to sit across the isle from one another. This is fine, I had my new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows to read, I was ready for a long plane ride to keep to myself. I sat next to what looked like a nice enough couple, and said hello. The woman saw me pull out my Harry Potter book and told me she had just finished reading it, and she loved it. The man, who I had yet to realize was not 100% there, repeated exactly the same thing his wife (?) had just said, except slower with a more affected speech, which at first I couldn't tell if it was just an accent.

His wife was very sweet and let me borrow her book light when it turned out my overhead light wasn't working. The man on the other hand continued to be creepy. He would sit there, sometimes with his sunglasses on, and just stare at me. He saw that my friend was engaged and asked her when she was getting married. She replied that the wedding was next summer, and his follow up question to that was "How big?" Any normal person would think he meant how big of a wedding, but no... he meant how big was the stone in her ring. And then he lost interest and went back to staring.

At one point the flight got a little bumpy, and I'm a bad flier. I was talking to my friend and then went back to my book. He was staring again, and I made the mistake of making eye contact. He was just staring at me, I got flustered and dropped the book light on the floor, he helped pick it up... and then the following conversation ensued (with no segue or pre-cursor), word for word... .
Creepy Man: What do you value? (keep in mind there is little to no inflection in his voice, and he's staring at me the ENTIRE time)
E: What?
CM: What do you value?
E: Um, do you mean like, in life?
CM: Yes.
E: Uh... (pause) I don't know, like family, friends, and happiness...? (My REAL answer is obviously sex, drugs, and money.)
CM: No.
E: That's wrong?
CM: Are you going to heaven?
E: (at this point, I'm wondering how crazy this man is, and if he's going to try to kill me on the plane, I look desperately at my friend who is trying very hard not to laugh) Um, I hope so. I guess... I think I'm a good person...
CM: If you follow these steps, you will make it to heaven. (he reaches into his fanny pack - oh yeah baby - and pulls out 2 little pamphlets about finding God)
E: (Handing one to my now near hysterical friend, taking the other pamphlet for myself) Oh. Awesome, Thanks.
CM: This is the ONLY way. All people are sinners unless they follow these steps. I know I am going to heaven. The only way you will know is if you follow these steps.
E: Yeah, Ok. That's great. (Quickly re-immersed myself in Harry Potter for the remainder of the flight.)

I had to keep the pamphlet for the entire time, because I didn't want him to see me throw it away. I used it as a bookmark for my Harry Potter book for the remainder of the time I was reading it. I like the irony.

During the landing, I made the mistake of trying to look out the window (I was on the aisle, so that meant I had to look past creepy man), but I made a point NOT to make eye contact. Did not matter. He was staring at me while I was looking at the window, and just said, "what?" I was flustered and really didn't want to talk to him at all anymore, so I just said, "I'm just looking at the window." and turned away. We disembarked quickly thereafter, and I managed any more awkward conversations with the creepiest man ever.

His wife, didn't say a word - the entire flight. She read for most of it, and if she did talk to her husband, it wasn't loud enough for me to hear. We talked about Harry Potter for a bit right when we landed because she wanted to know how far I was - and I obviously thanked her for allowing me to use her book light. I couldn't imagine a stranger pair.

August already? How did this happen? I have exactly 25 more days that I will be living in NYC. That's right... and my goal is have at least 5 more dates before I move. 3 are in the works, 2 shouldn't be too hard to plan. There's always craigslist.