6 weeks ago, I decided I was going to start dating the guys that I chose for myself. I was going to email a slew of guys on match and date only the ones that I had already pre-selected for myself instead of dating the guys who picked me first. But there was just this one guy that had winked at me, and well, I might not have picked him because he was younger than me, or he didn't mention in his profile that he liked some of the things I did, or whatever reason I was using to pick guys, I might have overlooked him (actually I KNOW I would have, because I never searched guys younger than me.) But since he winked at me, just before I set my rule into effect, I figured why not. I emailed him, and then, 6 weeks later, here I am, dating one of the greatest guys I've ever met. If I had been so picky as to not respond to his wink because he was too young or whatever stupid reason I was choosing at the time, I would not be where I am today. And where is that, you might ask, I've been rather absent lately in the blog. But it's not without reason. In the past, I've made the mistake of fixating on every single issue and detail with a relationship. Did he text me enough times? Why didn't he call? What does it mean when he says/does...? Enough already. I'm really very content to not over analyze anything that is going on with the Gentleman. He treats me well, we laugh, we kiss, we are making progress. It's healthy and I'm happy. What else could I ask for?
And the past week has been great. From last week's blog until now, we've seen each other multiple times. It's all pretty much the same. We hang out, I've met a few more of his friends, he met a couple of mine. My friends loved him, and he thought they were awesome. Because they are. He fits. We fit. and while we haven't had the DTR, and I wouldn't refer to him as my boyfriend in front of him... I have been casually referring to him as my boyfriend to others (I hope he doesn't mind.) After 6 weeks, we're still getting to know each other. He surprises me with how amazingly intuitive and aware of me he is.
This reminds me of a book that has been fairly controversial in the dating world. It's called Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. When I first read the title, I shuttered, settling? Isn't that everything I've worked against? If I wanted to settle I would still be with Mr. P, or even yet, I'd be MARRIED to my ex that I lived with who had a crazy family. Why would I ever read a book that was going to tell me to settle?? But, I was at the library, and it was right there in front of me, so I picked it up. And it's not about settling for someone who isn't good enough for you (and Mr. P and the ex I lived with were not good enough!), it's about looking past these "rules" that have no bearing on whether the person you are with is good enough. It would be if I didn't date the Gentleman because he was 2 years younger than me. It would be if I hadn't dated Mr. Perfect because he didn't have a 4 year college degree. It would be if I didn't date my ex that I lived with because he was bald. None of these things have any bearing on how good our relationship was/could be. These are reasons why people choose (and I've been guilty of this before) to not date someone or even respond to an email, because we have these preconceived notions of what we should have in our relationships. I've had a lot of what I thought I should have. And I've had a lot of what I thought I shouldn't have. And when it comes down to it, the should haves and shouldn't haves didn't make a difference in the end. In the end it came down to just one simple thing - does this person make me happy? At the end of all my previous relationships - I can safely say that I was not happy in those relationships, whether they were 2 months long or 2 years long. There was a lack of balance in ALL of my failed relationships. My two longest relationships, Mr. P and the ex I lived with, both break-up conversations started with the exact same sentence "I don't think you're happy in this relationship." (One time I was saying it, the other time it was said to me. Both times were true.) So, when I look back at the guys I could've married, or the guys I've dated, I don't think I've missed out. I don't think I've been too picky and to be honest, I feel like I'm finally on the right track. I'm not saying that the Gentleman is the "one" or anything like that, but I am saying that I've learned from past mistakes, and if nothing else, he makes me happy.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Sunday, May 09, 2010
Exit Strategy
There comes a time when you have to make a move. When something has to give. This weekend, unfortunately was NOT that time. The Gentleman and I are still going strong in the date and kiss goodnight area. Yes, the kissing goodnight lasts a great deal longer now than it did before, but I'm at the point where it needs to happen sooner. So I said something. Here's the story:
On Friday night, just a day after our nearly 12 hour date, we had plans to go see Iron Man 2 after I was done work. He had invited me on Wednesday, and had mentioned that we'd be going with his sister and brother-in-law as well. I was fairly nervous about meeting them, especially since he's told me that he's closest with this sister and I'm sure he values their opinion greatly. Not that I was worried about making a bad impression, but remember my previous experience with mothers and sisters isn't the best, and I do want them to like me. I'm pretty confident in my ability to make a good impression, but when it comes to families, I tend to be missing something crucial. I didn't want to mess this up so I definitely tried to grill my friend who knows his sister for some information, but all she could tell me was that they are the nicest couple and that I'll be fine. This didn't really ease my mind too much, but it turns out, she was completely right. We got to the theater after his brother-in-law and sister, and another couple (turns out it was a quadruple date, which was more than I bargained for!) were already waiting in line for seats. I was introduced around and I talked mostly to the Gentleman and his sister as we waited to go into the theater. Once we were in, and figured out the seating arrangements (at one point I was sitting in front of the Gentleman, in a girls in one row, boys in another weird seating arrangement, which just happened that way due to the way we walked into the rows, and that was quickly changed), I was sitting next to the Gentleman in the same row with his brother-in-law. My friend who knows him had mentioned that she thought I would get along really well him because we have very similar tastes in music and other things, and she was dead on. We talked about different beers we like, and music we're into, concerts we've seen/are going to see/want to see, and we did have a lot to talk about. He's going to see some concerts in the next few weeks that I've been really wanting to see, and he invited me to go along, with him and his wife. I think that might be a little weird at this point to go if the Gentleman doesn't go as well, but at the same time, I do really want to go...
The movie was ok, it was entertaining at least. And as we were leaving, I noticed the brother-in-law stop to talk to 2 guys at the end of the theater. Now, I should mention that the Gentleman and his brother-in-law both previously worked at the movie theater we went to and had been talking to people they knew all night - as we waited in line, walked into the theater, etc. I had said to the Gentleman that it was like being with a celebrity, since we could barely walk 10 feet without someone stopping him to say hi or give him a hug. So, I wasn't surprised when his brother-in-law stopped to talk to someone that he recognized on the way out of the theater, except I was surprised to see that I knew this person too... it was the guy who lives with his ex!! This really isn't a big deal, because I had run into him before (but I knew there was a chance I was going to see him when I went to the store where he worked), but we haven't really communicated at all in months. He didn't even notice me until we were all outside, trying to figure out what we were going to do next. He came over and gave me a hug, and we made small talk about the movie. And then he left with his friend. No big deal. I was worried that the Gentleman was going to ask me how I knew him, but he didn't. So, that ended up being a minor freak out on my part for no reason at all.
We went to the diner with the other 3 couples after the movie. It was a good time and I got to see him interact more with other people, which I think is a crucial part of getting to know someone. He still has yet to meet any of my friends, and I think that will be a good side of me for him to see soon. It was fairly late though, and I was fading fast. After no sleep on Wednesday night, and working a really long day on Friday, I was still fairly exhausted. We left the diner pretty close to 2:30, and he drove me home. Instead of just kissing me goodbye in the car, he walked me to my door (because he's a gentleman!!), and we proceeded to say goodbye for half an hour. It was late and he needed to get home, but we were having a hard time just saying goodnight and going. So I asked him what he was doing Saturday night after work, and he said he didn't have plans. So I invited him to come over after he was done working. I thought it was clear that the invitation was to continue where we were leaving off the night before, but maybe I should be clearer in my invitations.
We were texting throughout the day, and he mentioned that he couldn't stay all night, I knew what he meant. He meant there would not be a 3 hour goodbye like there was on Weds. I told him he should plan his exit strategy. This is something we've joked about before. When I'm in his car, the passenger door doesn't unlock automatically. So I have to sometimes unlock it myself, or wait for him. The first few times, I would wait for him to unlock it, until he told me that I could unlock it myself - not that I needed to, but if I wanted to. He wanted me to be able to get out in case of an emergency and it's good to know that I have an exit strategy if I need it. He's mentioned having an exit strategy before, in not parking behind me in my car, and with electrical fires (that's a long story). He's all about exit strategies, except for when it comes to leaving my house.
Saturday night, we met up for water ice at my favorite water ice place, I had built it up as being the best water ice he would ever have, so there was a lot of expectation there. Fortunately, he was a fan, because it is in fact the most delicious stuff ever made. We ate in my car because it was too cold and windy to eat outside, and we of course spent an hour talking in the car as well. We had two separate cars there because he came straight from work so we drove separately back to my place. Once there, we hung out on the couch, watched Betty White host SNL, and to my disappointment did not continue where we had left off the night before. As it was approaching 1:30, he mentioned that he needed to get home, so like the past few nights, this turned into a much longer goodnight than normal. And once we start kissing, I don't want him to leave, and I always end up fairly disappointed when he goes because I think face to face time (literally) is a crucial step to building a relationship that is going to be more than a friendship.
Since I think it's ridiculous and counter productive that we only kiss when it's time for him to go, I decided to say something... sort of. He always ends up staying longer than he wants to, but not wanting to leave, and I certainly don't make it easy for him to leave, so I told him that he needs to start saying goodbye as soon as he gets to my house. This way when he actually does need to go home, he can actually go (and we'll hopefully progress things along since it won't be right before he leaves). I may have mentioned this more than once during the hour we were "saying goodbye" last night. I also tried to get him to consider staying longer, unsuccessfully. I thought it was too dangerous with the wind and all for him to be driving home so late. Not really, but it sounded like a convincing argument. He left around 2:30, and I'll be seeing him again sometime this week.
Despite the stagnancy of the physical aspect, there is definitely progress in the relationship. The more I get to know the Gentleman, the more I like him. And every time we hang out, I learn something new or interesting about him. I'm sure this is a pretty stable way for things to progress, albeit slow. Yesterday was one month since our first date. This is the longest I've ever in my life dated someone and done nothing more than kiss. I'm sure that doesn't say much for me in the past, but it's somewhat refreshing for the present.
On Friday night, just a day after our nearly 12 hour date, we had plans to go see Iron Man 2 after I was done work. He had invited me on Wednesday, and had mentioned that we'd be going with his sister and brother-in-law as well. I was fairly nervous about meeting them, especially since he's told me that he's closest with this sister and I'm sure he values their opinion greatly. Not that I was worried about making a bad impression, but remember my previous experience with mothers and sisters isn't the best, and I do want them to like me. I'm pretty confident in my ability to make a good impression, but when it comes to families, I tend to be missing something crucial. I didn't want to mess this up so I definitely tried to grill my friend who knows his sister for some information, but all she could tell me was that they are the nicest couple and that I'll be fine. This didn't really ease my mind too much, but it turns out, she was completely right. We got to the theater after his brother-in-law and sister, and another couple (turns out it was a quadruple date, which was more than I bargained for!) were already waiting in line for seats. I was introduced around and I talked mostly to the Gentleman and his sister as we waited to go into the theater. Once we were in, and figured out the seating arrangements (at one point I was sitting in front of the Gentleman, in a girls in one row, boys in another weird seating arrangement, which just happened that way due to the way we walked into the rows, and that was quickly changed), I was sitting next to the Gentleman in the same row with his brother-in-law. My friend who knows him had mentioned that she thought I would get along really well him because we have very similar tastes in music and other things, and she was dead on. We talked about different beers we like, and music we're into, concerts we've seen/are going to see/want to see, and we did have a lot to talk about. He's going to see some concerts in the next few weeks that I've been really wanting to see, and he invited me to go along, with him and his wife. I think that might be a little weird at this point to go if the Gentleman doesn't go as well, but at the same time, I do really want to go...
The movie was ok, it was entertaining at least. And as we were leaving, I noticed the brother-in-law stop to talk to 2 guys at the end of the theater. Now, I should mention that the Gentleman and his brother-in-law both previously worked at the movie theater we went to and had been talking to people they knew all night - as we waited in line, walked into the theater, etc. I had said to the Gentleman that it was like being with a celebrity, since we could barely walk 10 feet without someone stopping him to say hi or give him a hug. So, I wasn't surprised when his brother-in-law stopped to talk to someone that he recognized on the way out of the theater, except I was surprised to see that I knew this person too... it was the guy who lives with his ex!! This really isn't a big deal, because I had run into him before (but I knew there was a chance I was going to see him when I went to the store where he worked), but we haven't really communicated at all in months. He didn't even notice me until we were all outside, trying to figure out what we were going to do next. He came over and gave me a hug, and we made small talk about the movie. And then he left with his friend. No big deal. I was worried that the Gentleman was going to ask me how I knew him, but he didn't. So, that ended up being a minor freak out on my part for no reason at all.
We went to the diner with the other 3 couples after the movie. It was a good time and I got to see him interact more with other people, which I think is a crucial part of getting to know someone. He still has yet to meet any of my friends, and I think that will be a good side of me for him to see soon. It was fairly late though, and I was fading fast. After no sleep on Wednesday night, and working a really long day on Friday, I was still fairly exhausted. We left the diner pretty close to 2:30, and he drove me home. Instead of just kissing me goodbye in the car, he walked me to my door (because he's a gentleman!!), and we proceeded to say goodbye for half an hour. It was late and he needed to get home, but we were having a hard time just saying goodnight and going. So I asked him what he was doing Saturday night after work, and he said he didn't have plans. So I invited him to come over after he was done working. I thought it was clear that the invitation was to continue where we were leaving off the night before, but maybe I should be clearer in my invitations.
We were texting throughout the day, and he mentioned that he couldn't stay all night, I knew what he meant. He meant there would not be a 3 hour goodbye like there was on Weds. I told him he should plan his exit strategy. This is something we've joked about before. When I'm in his car, the passenger door doesn't unlock automatically. So I have to sometimes unlock it myself, or wait for him. The first few times, I would wait for him to unlock it, until he told me that I could unlock it myself - not that I needed to, but if I wanted to. He wanted me to be able to get out in case of an emergency and it's good to know that I have an exit strategy if I need it. He's mentioned having an exit strategy before, in not parking behind me in my car, and with electrical fires (that's a long story). He's all about exit strategies, except for when it comes to leaving my house.
Saturday night, we met up for water ice at my favorite water ice place, I had built it up as being the best water ice he would ever have, so there was a lot of expectation there. Fortunately, he was a fan, because it is in fact the most delicious stuff ever made. We ate in my car because it was too cold and windy to eat outside, and we of course spent an hour talking in the car as well. We had two separate cars there because he came straight from work so we drove separately back to my place. Once there, we hung out on the couch, watched Betty White host SNL, and to my disappointment did not continue where we had left off the night before. As it was approaching 1:30, he mentioned that he needed to get home, so like the past few nights, this turned into a much longer goodnight than normal. And once we start kissing, I don't want him to leave, and I always end up fairly disappointed when he goes because I think face to face time (literally) is a crucial step to building a relationship that is going to be more than a friendship.
Since I think it's ridiculous and counter productive that we only kiss when it's time for him to go, I decided to say something... sort of. He always ends up staying longer than he wants to, but not wanting to leave, and I certainly don't make it easy for him to leave, so I told him that he needs to start saying goodbye as soon as he gets to my house. This way when he actually does need to go home, he can actually go (and we'll hopefully progress things along since it won't be right before he leaves). I may have mentioned this more than once during the hour we were "saying goodbye" last night. I also tried to get him to consider staying longer, unsuccessfully. I thought it was too dangerous with the wind and all for him to be driving home so late. Not really, but it sounded like a convincing argument. He left around 2:30, and I'll be seeing him again sometime this week.
Despite the stagnancy of the physical aspect, there is definitely progress in the relationship. The more I get to know the Gentleman, the more I like him. And every time we hang out, I learn something new or interesting about him. I'm sure this is a pretty stable way for things to progress, albeit slow. Yesterday was one month since our first date. This is the longest I've ever in my life dated someone and done nothing more than kiss. I'm sure that doesn't say much for me in the past, but it's somewhat refreshing for the present.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
The Longest Kiss Goodnight.
At first it seemed as if this date was going to be yet another same story, different date situation. Of course, this would not have been a problem, because I've come to terms that things will happen with the Gentleman the way that it's supposed to happen. After our date last week, we had texted back and forth all week/weekend. By Sunday, we still hadn't made plans to see each other during the week, and I wasn't going to stress it like I did the previous week. I sent him a text, asking him what he was up to this coming week, and he responded, "Hanging out with you of course..." which led us to make plans for this week, Wednesday night.
We went to dinner at a bar, and then for water ice right by my school afterwards. I need to get used to being near my work during non-work hours, and not convince myself that I will run into a student every single time! I didn't. Thankfully. We sat in his car for a while, talking, then drove back to my house. Once at my house, we sat on the couch and talked for a few hours. Played some bananagrams. And then he was going to leave. Yes, another night where we had a great time and had a lot of fun, but there was no physical action. At 2 AM, we stood awkwardly by each other for a few minutes until finally he leaned in to kiss me goodnight. And we didn't stop kissing about for 3 hours. We moved from the dining room, the couch, the kitchen, and finally the door. And it was a very long goodnight kiss. So I'm blogging this at 5:45, because there's really no point in going to sleep for less than an hour.
I think he planned to take things to the next level this date... for a few reasons. First off, when he made the plans for Wednesday, he suggested going to dinner then coming back to my house. Good sign. Then, when he got to my house, he emptied his pockets. This is something I'm used to guys doing, because it's fairly common practice before you make-out, you don't want your stuff falling all over the place, out of pockets, etc. So that was a good sign, and he definitely sat more openly towards me on the couch. But there was no moves made until just before he was about to leave (or at least that's what he said...) but he hadn't gotten his things back in his pockets yet, and hadn't made any attempt to leave.
He was a complete gentleman the whole time, and while we may be taking it up to a PG-13 level, it's definitely still very slow. While we were playing banagrams earlier in the night, he was taking his time putting his words together (which means he lost) and I was helping him use all his letters by the end of the game, he made a comment about how slow and steady wins the game (which it didn't in this case), and I responded by saying that I had been saying that a lot lately. He also made a comment earlier about how he's a very patient guy. I'm not anticipating this picking up a whole lot of speed in the near future, but it's great to know that things are moving forward, and he's definitely interested.
He invited me to the movies with his sister and brother-in-law for tomorrow night. I'm pretty excited and nervous at the same time. He also mentioned something that I should do with him, which wouldn't until be late summer. It makes me smile that he's clearly thinking I'll be around still then, and planning for me to be a part of things.
We went to dinner at a bar, and then for water ice right by my school afterwards. I need to get used to being near my work during non-work hours, and not convince myself that I will run into a student every single time! I didn't. Thankfully. We sat in his car for a while, talking, then drove back to my house. Once at my house, we sat on the couch and talked for a few hours. Played some bananagrams. And then he was going to leave. Yes, another night where we had a great time and had a lot of fun, but there was no physical action. At 2 AM, we stood awkwardly by each other for a few minutes until finally he leaned in to kiss me goodnight. And we didn't stop kissing about for 3 hours. We moved from the dining room, the couch, the kitchen, and finally the door. And it was a very long goodnight kiss. So I'm blogging this at 5:45, because there's really no point in going to sleep for less than an hour.
I think he planned to take things to the next level this date... for a few reasons. First off, when he made the plans for Wednesday, he suggested going to dinner then coming back to my house. Good sign. Then, when he got to my house, he emptied his pockets. This is something I'm used to guys doing, because it's fairly common practice before you make-out, you don't want your stuff falling all over the place, out of pockets, etc. So that was a good sign, and he definitely sat more openly towards me on the couch. But there was no moves made until just before he was about to leave (or at least that's what he said...) but he hadn't gotten his things back in his pockets yet, and hadn't made any attempt to leave.
He was a complete gentleman the whole time, and while we may be taking it up to a PG-13 level, it's definitely still very slow. While we were playing banagrams earlier in the night, he was taking his time putting his words together (which means he lost) and I was helping him use all his letters by the end of the game, he made a comment about how slow and steady wins the game (which it didn't in this case), and I responded by saying that I had been saying that a lot lately. He also made a comment earlier about how he's a very patient guy. I'm not anticipating this picking up a whole lot of speed in the near future, but it's great to know that things are moving forward, and he's definitely interested.
He invited me to the movies with his sister and brother-in-law for tomorrow night. I'm pretty excited and nervous at the same time. He also mentioned something that I should do with him, which wouldn't until be late summer. It makes me smile that he's clearly thinking I'll be around still then, and planning for me to be a part of things.
Saturday, May 01, 2010
The Gentleman
I am starting to feel a bit like a broken record after these dates... the dates are good, great even. I am having a really good time getting to know this guy, the dates are long and very entertaining. I smile a lot while I'm on these dates, and even more when I'm telling people about them. And it's my own fault for stressing the physical part so much, because it seems like the first thing anyone asks me is about the progress in that area, which I'm no longer sorry to say is still staying slow and steady. It's strange that I've grown to appreciate the end of the date because I know what to expect then. I don't just enjoy the end, but it's definitely something I look forward to! If nothing else, this guy has shown me the value of slowing things down.
We went out on Thursday night after a week of communicating solely through text messages. I have mixed feelings about texting. It's a great way to communicate quickly and effectively, but it always makes me second guess things, and I can spend way too much time analyzing and agonizing over texts that I'm sending or receiving. But, from Thursday of last week until Thursday this past week, we only communicated through texts. And we "talked" everyday, which is a good sign, I know. But of course I'm still highly aware of who texts who first/last/the most, and I know I need to get over, and I'm definitely working on it. He didn't ask to see me until Monday night, and I was getting nervous about how to bring up the topic of hanging out again if he didn't, but thankfully he did. So we planned to go mini-golfing on Thursday night, since it was going to be such a nice night.
Thursday night, he came and picked me up at my house. One thing I love is that he always comes to the door, even if he's not coming in. This isn't something that many guys I've dated before have done, and I think it's so sweet. He's definitely a gentleman (maybe that could be his blog name - the gentleman?? I'll test it out!) and does the little things that when someone doesn't do it, you might not notice or care, but when it is done, it's such a difference! So he picked me up at the door, and I think if I want to breech the physical contact before the end of the date, the beginning of the date is where I should start. I should have given him a hug or something... but I didn't. There's something about his nervousness that makes me nervous and I'm constantly second guessing things that would come as second nature to me. We played mini-golf, and I'm a terrible mini-golfer apparently. He's not much better, but we had a great time regardless of how bad we were doing. We didn't even keep score, thankfully, because I might actually be embarrassed if I knew how badly I actually did. After mini-golf we decided to get some dinner, and drove over to a small Italian restaurant across the street, which of course we stayed at until it was closing and we were the last ones there (we have a habit of doing this...), but it was the same good conversation, with lots of good questions and laughing and I feel like I'm really getting to know him before anything else gets in the way. What a concept. He asked what I wanted to do after we closed out the restaurant, and I invited him back to my house. It was fairly early, but still a school night for me, so I wasn't planning on staying up too late. 4 hours later, when all we've done is talk on my couch and it's nearing 3am, he decided it was probably time to go home. So, we kissed for a few minutes before he left and that's all. Really, it's the same story of every other date with just different activities leading up to the kiss goodnight. The whole date really was great, but if I had to pick a part that I wish would last a bit longer than it does, that would be it. Also, the other areas of the date were fairly long (an 8 hour date - with only 5 minutes of kissing!)
We did have more physical contact while he was at my house. At one point, we were talking about Tarot cards and palm readings for some reason, and he mentioned how he had his palm read once, and he was trying to explain what he remembered from that and of course he had to hold my hand to read my palm, that's a step in the right direction. Also, my dog was acting a bit crazy and jumping all over him, so I had to lean across him and try to get the dog to stop jumping on him... more accidental contact like that... but nothing concrete or intentional. It will happen, I'm sure, I'm just not sure HOW it will happen. Everyone has their ideas and suggestions, and trust me they all run through my mind while I'm in the situation to make it happen, it just doesn't feel natural, and I get nervous, so maybe I shouldn't force it. I do enjoy spending all this time with him, without the physical aspect clouding my opinions of him. I feel like I convince myself I like a lot of guys that I wouldn't normally because it's physically appealing. Keeping it slow and steady definitely eliminates that possibility, and everything I like about this guy is because he is truly someone that I am connecting with on every other level, the physical will happen in good time. He hasn't given me any reason to believe that he's anything but interested in continuing this, so I am willing let go of my own expectations of what "should" be happening by this point in the relationship, and just go with the flow.
We went out on Thursday night after a week of communicating solely through text messages. I have mixed feelings about texting. It's a great way to communicate quickly and effectively, but it always makes me second guess things, and I can spend way too much time analyzing and agonizing over texts that I'm sending or receiving. But, from Thursday of last week until Thursday this past week, we only communicated through texts. And we "talked" everyday, which is a good sign, I know. But of course I'm still highly aware of who texts who first/last/the most, and I know I need to get over, and I'm definitely working on it. He didn't ask to see me until Monday night, and I was getting nervous about how to bring up the topic of hanging out again if he didn't, but thankfully he did. So we planned to go mini-golfing on Thursday night, since it was going to be such a nice night.
Thursday night, he came and picked me up at my house. One thing I love is that he always comes to the door, even if he's not coming in. This isn't something that many guys I've dated before have done, and I think it's so sweet. He's definitely a gentleman (maybe that could be his blog name - the gentleman?? I'll test it out!) and does the little things that when someone doesn't do it, you might not notice or care, but when it is done, it's such a difference! So he picked me up at the door, and I think if I want to breech the physical contact before the end of the date, the beginning of the date is where I should start. I should have given him a hug or something... but I didn't. There's something about his nervousness that makes me nervous and I'm constantly second guessing things that would come as second nature to me. We played mini-golf, and I'm a terrible mini-golfer apparently. He's not much better, but we had a great time regardless of how bad we were doing. We didn't even keep score, thankfully, because I might actually be embarrassed if I knew how badly I actually did. After mini-golf we decided to get some dinner, and drove over to a small Italian restaurant across the street, which of course we stayed at until it was closing and we were the last ones there (we have a habit of doing this...), but it was the same good conversation, with lots of good questions and laughing and I feel like I'm really getting to know him before anything else gets in the way. What a concept. He asked what I wanted to do after we closed out the restaurant, and I invited him back to my house. It was fairly early, but still a school night for me, so I wasn't planning on staying up too late. 4 hours later, when all we've done is talk on my couch and it's nearing 3am, he decided it was probably time to go home. So, we kissed for a few minutes before he left and that's all. Really, it's the same story of every other date with just different activities leading up to the kiss goodnight. The whole date really was great, but if I had to pick a part that I wish would last a bit longer than it does, that would be it. Also, the other areas of the date were fairly long (an 8 hour date - with only 5 minutes of kissing!)
We did have more physical contact while he was at my house. At one point, we were talking about Tarot cards and palm readings for some reason, and he mentioned how he had his palm read once, and he was trying to explain what he remembered from that and of course he had to hold my hand to read my palm, that's a step in the right direction. Also, my dog was acting a bit crazy and jumping all over him, so I had to lean across him and try to get the dog to stop jumping on him... more accidental contact like that... but nothing concrete or intentional. It will happen, I'm sure, I'm just not sure HOW it will happen. Everyone has their ideas and suggestions, and trust me they all run through my mind while I'm in the situation to make it happen, it just doesn't feel natural, and I get nervous, so maybe I shouldn't force it. I do enjoy spending all this time with him, without the physical aspect clouding my opinions of him. I feel like I convince myself I like a lot of guys that I wouldn't normally because it's physically appealing. Keeping it slow and steady definitely eliminates that possibility, and everything I like about this guy is because he is truly someone that I am connecting with on every other level, the physical will happen in good time. He hasn't given me any reason to believe that he's anything but interested in continuing this, so I am willing let go of my own expectations of what "should" be happening by this point in the relationship, and just go with the flow.
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